Sally of Spring Row

I loved everything about this story and i have backed it and will race to my local bookstore when it is published.

Debbie Hanson :¬)

Love your choice of setting and how you describe it- I prefer the next few chapters to the first chapter - not because I'm averse to violence but because it's better to get to know a character before your asked by a writer to care for them - it's a deeper and more satisfying experience. You certainly have the gift though. It's on the watch list ready for the next few chapters. Good luck with the Ed.

Luke Bramley, The Kingdom Within.

Congratulations, Emma, on reaching the top 5. :)

Emma, your first chapter was a little bit too graphic for me. I almost stopped at some point, but at the same time I couldn’t. Your book is so absorbing from the first sentence. You are obviously an excellent writer. It looks as your book is the next one for the editor’s desk. Well deserved. Good luck, Aneta

Emma, you have a great story here, sad but with heart and strength - really good description and dialogue - I was captured by the characters immediately. You bring them to life so well. I am four chapters in and hooked. Not much else to say - hope it gets published soon! Starred and backed.
Mona (Facing The Truth)
www.monakrueger.com

Emma, this is very well executed and the voice is distinctive. It's not my usual read but the MC quickly had my sympathy for her situation. On my WL and high stars.
Michelle- 43 Primrose Avenue

Hello Emma:
I've read chapters four, five and six and found them to continue in the same engaging style as the first three. The plot is thickening, as they say. The backstory that describes the trials and tribulations of Ivy and her family was woven into the emerging story of Sally's plight, giving the reader a good idea how difficult life was for a poor family at this time in England. The scene where the priest comes to try to convince Sally to return to her husband had me wanting to throw a punch in his direction.
Time is winding down for the month and I only hope Sally of Spring Row makes it to the editor's desk.
Cheers and best of luck.
Debra H
Turnaround Bay
(I've edited Turnaround Bay, taking out a chapter and adding a scene in chapter five.)

Emma, I just read your first two chapters and thoroughly enjoyed them, tension piled up throughout chapter and the hook at the end of chapter one is a great page turner. By the end of chapter two, you've effortlessly introduced a cast of credible characters to play out their roles in this unfolding drama - Sally of Spring Row.

I can't wait to see Joseph get his come uppance. High stars from me, and I wish you the best of luck over the next couple of days.

Max China
The Sister

Your book was mentioned in the forums. It looks like you're do a review in the very near future. I usually just point out the areas where I stumbled. I think that's what benefits people most. HC won't hold any punches, so if something could possibly be off, best to know about it ahead of time. Of course these are all just my opinions, if something doesn't ring true to you, by all means, disregard it.

Best
Bill

— her eyes flickered toward the horse-hair sofa … for me, the addition of horse-hair was more in the author's head and less in the character's (if that makes sense.)

— "she thought bitterly" Do you need this. If we are in her head we know it's her thought. I guess I'm not quite sure of the pov yet.

terrorisation — seemed modern to me, especially for 1853 when people are using thee. I found terrorize (US spelling) 1823 as the first reference so you may not be far off, but it gave me pause. fyi

I stumbled over this sentence.Not sure if it is the punctuation or just a UK/US disconnect.
"It was as she placed a slice of bread [,] smeared thinly with pork dripping[,] in front of him that her whole world had come crashing down around her." (had come was awkward to me as well. My punctuation skills are D+ at best. But the sentence lacked clarity for me.

I would have been OK with stared and frowned the 'had' stared and 'had' frowned made it less immediate for me. ( same for had been cut off) I realize now we are backtracking to explain him beating her at the beginning of the chapter, but it is not easy on the eye.

"it was pointless asking him to fetch help now . . ." That this would even have occurred to her mid-beating is a bit of a disconnect for me.

constant and wave also seem a bit disconnected. I'm typing as I'm reading so, if this is labor the pains/contractions should be intermittent. They can be relentless, but if they are constant, then she is likely is having a placental abruption ( which could very well happen in this situation.) I'll read on.

which was squeezing her upper arm painfully . . . clamped one of her breasts painfully — a bit of an echo here. I try not to be the adverb police, but you could do with a trim.

This dialogue seems real today. I'm just not sure it does for 1853 — a bit too modern. "God, I hate you. I wish you were dead. You're an animal. I feel sick just looking at you, you despicable bastard."

I couldnt put this down. Just looked to see why it was ranked so I and not my sort of stuff but more than good. Hope the ED treats you well best of luck and highest stars

JJ

Sally of Spring Row.
By Emma Hornby.


A book that captures the reader from the opening page, taking us back 160 years and done very well I might say. The older dialogue used for a hamlet such as this, at that time, is pretty much spot on.
Poor Sally, taking her regular beating from her husband Joseph was probably commonplace in that period of history and her about to give birth—makes you wonder.
This is excellent writing, there’s no doubt about it and it doesn’t lack in description either.
I can see this being in print and it’s a book that I would buy without hesitation.
I’m pleased to have had the opportunity to read some of it and will certainly come back for more.
Worth every star and there’s six of them! BACKED!
Six Stars!!


Neville.

One Off, Sir!
The Secrets of the Forest (Series)- Cosmos 501.
The Secrets of the Forest (Series)-The Time Zone.

Whoa. I started first chapter. Brilliant. I am so glad to see that she is leaving the husband. I am liking this book. Great job so far girl!

SALLY OF SPRING ROW: May 26, 2013

I read several chapters of this way back. I think you’ve changed it a bit, and it reads even better this time around. What a beast Joseph is (he’s even worse than the character in my book!) and you make it all the more unsettling with your knack of drawing the reader right into that kitchen, making us witness his cruelty towards Sally.

You have a good ear for dialogue and I love the dialect. It comes across as natural, so well done!

Your writing, also, is very good, and I feel a little guilty making the few nits I did. For what they’re worth, here they are:

Ch 1: Joseph's reply [was ground out] quietly…
Try: Quietly, Joseph ground out his reply… ~ This gets rid of the ‘was’ and makes it less passive?

... as Joseph [began to] gently smooth the drenched hair from her hot…
~ as Joseph gently smoothed the drenched hair from her hot, etc. ~ I think it best to omit the ‘began’ word in one’s writing. Makes it stronger without it.

... her heart [began to] beat furiously [in her chest] as a slow…
~ her heart beat furiously as a slow, leering grin spread across Joseph's face. 'in her chest' not necessary.

... words suddenly [began to] pour from Sally's mouth,
~ words suddenly poured from Sally's mouth, ~ Not keen on ‘suddenly’ either, but it’s up to you.

Ch 2: Relieved Sally feels safe in the comfort of Arthur and Ivy's house.

Ch 3:
... as they [began to] smoke and crackle,
~ as they smoked and crackled,

... as they [began to] burn,
~ as they burned,
~ as they turned crimson, slowly warming the small, homely kitchen.

Filling a heavy iron kettle with water from a bucket at the side of the hearth, which had been filled at the well in the lane the night before, Ivy put it on the bar and swung it over the fire [to heat - no need to tell us this].

~ This is a tricky one. Here, she’s 'multi-tasking'… At the same time as she’s filling the kettle, she’s putting it over the fire? Try something like:

A bucketful of water, which Arthur had drawn from the well in the lane the night before, sat at the side of the hearth. Ivy filled a heavy iron kettle from it, put it on the bar and swung it over the fire.

... then noticing his napkin [was sopping wet], (I’m assuming they called nappy a napkin in those days?)
~ then noticing his sopping wet napkin… this gets rid of the ‘was’ and makes it a bit stronger?

A little of the [cold – typo] [from the bucket] [was added]... – In the previous paragraph, you mention the coal is from the bucket so no need to repeat it here.

Try: ~ She added several more small bits of coal…/ She added several more nuggets of coal then stripped the child of his wet clothing. ~ Gets rid of another pesky ‘was’.

After he [was] dressed…
~ After she dressed him…

Lying the clean, dry, contented child upon the rug once more, she quickly washed herself with the remainder of the water in the dish and slipped into her dress.

Another multi-tasker. Don’t think she could wash and dress herself at the same time as she puts the child on the rug? I know…I’m being a right picky pain in the arse with these pesky nits. :o.

Try something like this: With the child now dry and contented, she lay him upon the rug once more, then quickly washed herself with the remainder of the water in the dish and slipped into her dress.

As you can likely tell, I'm no pro, so I won't mind if you totally ignore all of the above!

But this is a book I’d like in paperback to read. :o)

Have sprinkled lots of Irish stardust over it, and will put it on my shelf soon.

Cáit ~ Reminiscing ~

Emma:
Sally of Spring Row is a heartbreaking read--from the first three chapters that I've read, anyway. The writing is very well done with great use vocabulary, varied sentence length and structure. The narrative carries the story forward for the reader at a very nice pace. Opening with a pregnant Sally being beaten by her brutal husband definitely gets the reader on side with the main character, Sally, and hating the antagonist, Joseph, who seems truly evil. It's hard to understand his motives in beating and abusing his wife. I've sometimes read that even villains should have believable motives for their behaviour. The plot so far is very engaging.

The characters introduced in the first three chapters are intriguing. Varying the viewpoint works well to give a more rounded exploration of the plot. I find Ivy an engaging woman, her husband, Arthur, well rounded and Sally, the main character, a person we might feel sorry for. Hopefully she does not remain a victim too long (the pitch suggests she flees to save herself and her son). Victims who do nothing to get out of their predicament can begin to wear on readers. I expect this is not the case here.

The setting is well described and the time frame, the Victorian period, is a very popular for stories about poverty, men forced to work in poorly maintained mines, and women ill-treated, with little recourse to improve their lot.

The dialogue sounds perfect. I can't say I'm an expert when it comes to dialect and period dialogue, but it rang true for me. There's a really nice balance of action, dialogue and internal monologue.

The structure, a straightforward chronological narrative with insertions of backstory works well, as does the third person past tense telling of the story.
When I want to read on I know you've hooked me.
Six stars and good luck on the editor's list this month.
I'm putting Sally of Spring Row on my bookshelf and will read further as soon as I have a moment.
Cheers.

Debra H
Turnaround Bay

Continuing to read through Sally of Spring Row. Read through chapter eight. = nine. What a nasty lot Joseph and his sister are. I am enjoying this well written account. The mention of the potato famine in Ireland and the immigrants to Bolton. All great stuff.
Excellent flow and narration.
Already high starred

Sheena

Sally of Spring Row by Emma Hornby

Emma, what a vividly depicted tale. I found the first chapter very disturbing and the cruelty was only properly explained, when I discovered that Sally had been bought.
What an engrossing story indeed.
I read the first seven chapters and was impressed by the consistency of your narrative, writing and dialogue.
Omg, the priest was typical of the mind set then. The marriage had to be preserved and it was the churches job to ensure that it was.
You must have carried out a lot of research on the time- your attention to detail of dress, behaviour etc is very good. It is Catherine Cookson/ish but more gritty.

Very High stars and hope to see this published.

Sheena
The Popish Plot

Not my kind of book, usually, nor my preferred genre, but I still was drawn into it from the very beginning. Your highly descriptive writing, together with an absolutely natural sounding dialogue, made me feel as if I were standing there watching rather than reading.
The only thing that irritated me a bit was that Joseph would let Sally go with Ivy. Bullies tend to be cowards, yes, but if he feared his neighbors' talk or scorn or whatever, what made him go and hammer against Arthur's and Ivy's door? That exposed him even further.
Apart from that I've nothing much to say. A fine, professional, polished piece. You didn't even leave me any typos to complain about.
High stars.
Angelika

Wow! What an amazing opening chapter. Immediately the reader is drawn to the terrible conditions of Sally's existence and we share a hatred for her despicable husband.
Your writing is excellent at weaving the reader into your story and the chapter ends in a great place to hook any reader who is not already gripped by such excitement.

What a monster you've created with Joseph. He has beaten and cowed Sally almost to the point of nonexistence. It's hard not to have sympathy for a woman so grievously mistreated. You've built Joseph up to be such a monster of cruelty and depravity in that first chapter that it's hard to believe he would be so easily intimidated as to let Sally go just because one of the neighbors calls him on his bad behavior. But you've also created a stalwart force in Ivy, making it easier to believe that she would stand firm in the face of his ugliness. I like Arthur as well. Quiet, stable and kind. I really enjoyed reading about the little details of their everyday lives. It felt so real and very lovely. I've read the first three chapters and have kept it on my wl so I can come back and read more.

Great job and high stars.

Kathy

Emma, It was emotionally difficult for me to get through the first chapter. In retrospect though, it does a brilliant job investing us in Sally's well-being. From the moment we know she is away from this brute, we are behind her, holding our breath, hoping she will succeed in escaping from him. You are masterful in building and maintaining suspense. I have read all that is here and could easily have continued. You made me feel that these are real people. I'm anxious to see how the reunion goes with Sally's aunt. I worry what will happen if Joseph finds her and her baby. Will he retaliate against the neighbors who helped her? Will Sally find true love and happiness?
I had some difficulty with the dialect, but at the same time felt it set the tone and made it feel more authentic. I had to guess at what some of it meant; most of it could be figured out through context. Highly rated and on watchlist for now. Will find it a spot on my shelf in the near future.
All the Best,
Stella

Ok let me just say I love this story thus far. The language and descriptions set the scene and time line wonderfully. It reminded me of how Great Expectations was written(with the dialect and such, I loved that story BTW) I hope Joseph gets paid put to him in a big way and I love Sally's strength. A true survivor, someone whom had seen hell, lived it for gosh sakes and is attempting to build a better life for herself and her son. I truly hope this is a happily ever after kind of story as my heart feels for your main female character. The only thing i had a hard time with was follow the POV, but i think that was just me. The fact that even though half starved herself, Sally could not bear to see the poor homeless dog go without shows her compassion for all things. Gave it high stars and added to both my bookshelf and to watch list
Best Regards
Janet

Hi, Emma - sorry it took me so long to respond to your offer to read each other's work. I'm very impressed with your ability to bring these people to life. I felt as though I was right there with them. Of course, I hated being near that monster, Joseph and could feel those blows he gave poor Sally. A man like Joseph is basically a coward so of course he would run away. I hope he gets his uppance. So glad Sally has wonderful neighbors. This is a very well written story. Best wishes.
Juliana
GOING HOME

Where do I start? At the beginning, I guess. I hated Joseph, immediately, from the start, so that was very well done. Even though Sally seems weak in the first chapters, I couldn’t help but see her inner strength, and waiting for the right moment in the story to let her shine was brilliant. Every character has a purpose, and they are all brought to life with perfect timing (even Shield). I read all you posted and am left wanting more. This is wonderful writing and the reader journeys right along Sally as she picks up the pieces and reinvents herself.
Wonderfully done.
L-
EBO

The style is engaging and grabs the reader's attention right from the outset. We are immediately drawn into the difficulties of Sally's life and although she evidently fears Joseph, we are also given an insight into her courage and spirit.
I like the descriptions and thought the dialogue convincing, with good use of dialect to set the time and place.
Chapter one ended with suspense which made the reader want to find out whose shout had interrupted Joseph.
Really like this and have put it on my shelf.

Emma:
I think we both got on this site at about the same time. I read your book then but I looked back and I cannot find a comment. I may be over looking it or possibly I wasn't confident enough at that point to review the book. At any rate I will now. The beginning of the book bites into the reader and is very very graphic. The brutality and evil of the attacks and the abuse holds the reader and the reader then holds their breath waiting for her to make her escape and get away from this maniac. The reader believes and wants somehow to help her. I had no problem with the dialect and in fact I think it adds to the story. It's a very good book.
Shirley

Emma,
I very much liked your work. You are very talented. The opening chapter is attention holding and
well developed.

I thought this was brilliant!!! What great agony you have shown the readers! I almost thought i was there, in pain with her. And you said this was a Romance so I cant help to wonder who the mystery man is to save the day (giggles) what an eye catching start, and good use of an Irish accent :)

I have backed this in the past and kept it on my book shelf. I've had another read and backed with six stars. I hope this make the desk this month. Best of luck, Olive.

This reminds me of Catherine Cookson's books. You write really well.

Chapters 1-3

Emma, your writing is visceral and professional. I felt like I was reading a segment from an already published manuscript. I was simply blown away by the power of the first chapter. It was as if I was in the scene, watching everything. I felt for Sally, and I detested Joseph with all my heart. He seems like a terrible person, and most likely the villain of the story. The words you use to describe your first chapter were powerful, and I only wish that I could write like you do.
Anyway, there were some things I noticed in chapter one-three that you could use a slight improvement on. I noticed you rely too much on the dialect of Lancashire people. This is both good and negative. You do a great job of showing us the dialect, but it's just a bit too much to handle. I'm sure a person from Lancashire will understand the words perfectly, but for people who aren't from that area (I'm from the States), it can be quite jarring. Most publishers suggest you limit the dialect. Once you get the point across of the dialect, throw in a word or two in each dialogue tag, but don't make the entire dialogue in the dialect. It's difficult to read it.
Your language in your descriptions is beautiful, and I only wish I could write as fluid as you.
I like Arthur, but he seems kind of just...there at times. Is there a way you can make him pop more? Is he a major character? I would like to see more about Arthur. And Ivy seems very kind and gracious. Could you perhaps show this by describing something that makes her gracious? I really love your characters because they are so visceral. I can definitely see this published, and I backed it to help you get to the ED.
Great work, and you are definitely an inspiration for my own writing. I will definitely come back to this in the near future (like tomorrow) to further my reading! :)

I love this. The opening chapter actually had me holding me breath...I was as unsure as Sally about what he is capable of. Excellent writing. Well done.

Hi Emma,
The pitch really sells the story to me – sounds like Wuthering Heights meets Dickens! Love the description of ‘belching chimneys’ in Manchester – it makes me want to read more.
Chapter 1
You naturally tell the story and grip the reader through the action in the opening. Likewise Joseph’s dialect comes across very well – realistic but still easy to follow. You are immediately thrown into Sally’s predicament. Joseph is established as a really horrible character from the start and the incident with the wool is really well written.
You also end the Chapter with a successful ‘cliffhanger.’
Chapter 2
I found the opening paragraph to be very ‘wordy’ (?) before I settled in to the Chapter. The description of the houses on Spring Row are effective, as is the dialogue and the characters and once again, I think you throw the reader into some action and the pace picks up immediately.

Sorry that should have been "Hi Emma" !

Hi Sally
I have read two chapters but i can't wait to read more. Your synopsis was really inviting. Your language and descriptions were really good and i really felt immersed in the 19th century. Your first chapter was so dark that my heart was in my mouth the whole time. High stars from me.
Michelle Read
Long Lost

Hi there!
I'm so glad we have a theme in common! I love how you portray the lifestyle, its detailed enough to not be too much. It's always difficult - it's one of the things that made me frown when it came to getting peoples opinion "is it too much?" kinda thing but you've handled it very well - I've read much worse!
I love the MC you strike fear into us as her husband belittles her. You've captured it all very well. You are now on my WL and I will be back to read more :)
Serena
Madeline.

xD

Hi, Emma, I just noticed your ranking and wanted to say congrats! The editor's desk is within reach. Well deserved! Best, Lisa

Hi Emma thank you for your encouragement and helpful advice. As I promised a few days ago I will now support your book all the way to the top. Lots of luck, Kylla.

Hi Emma thank you for your encouraging review and for your advice. I have edited the first chapter on your recommendation, and it is very much better. I am still trying to complete the story, and then I will do some serious editing and polishing. It never ends does it? Because this type of genre is not many people's choice of reading it is very difficult for me to get honest opinions and advice. So you can imagine how delighted I was that a good writer such as you spent time to read my work. I have never attempted to write anything before. I have read some of your book, Sally of Spring Row, and I have stared it high. I will back it when I have a space on my shelf. I will definitely help you to get on to the editor's desk when you are in the last ten positions. Many thanks and my best wishes, Kylla.

This is a fast paced, impressive read! You write like a professional, weaving the story, and leaving the reader wanting more at the end of each chapter! Great job creating tension, and creating empathy for Sally. I came up for air at the end of chapter two. About to dive in for more! I'm giving you six stars, and putting you in my WL for future support on my shelf. Good luck! You are a very talented writer!

Sincerely,
Donna
Jessup and the Teleporter

Wow! I just read your first chapter and was absolutely amazed! Your knack for dialogue and moving the story along are a sign of pure talent. I see why you are so high up in ranking. I can't wait to read more. You are certainly on my watchlist, and if what I saw in the first chapter keeps up into the later ones, your book will be on my bookshelf.
High stars!
Jessica
A Place to Call home
Sacrifice

Hi Emma with your book on 102 book shelves and 356 comments, there is nothing that I can say. I have read the first two chapters, and I can see why your book has done so well it is a very professional, well written, and probably a good story. However, it is too dark and kitchen sink for my taste. The only way I can help you is to give it high stars, and I have done that. I will keep an eye on you and when you do need that final push to the editor's desk then I will find a place on my shelf. You don’t need any more reviews it has all been said. kind regards Kylla.

Hi Emma with your book on 102 book shelves and 356 comments, there is nothing that I can say. I have read the first two chapters, and I can see why your book has done so well it is a very professional, well written, and probably a good story. However, it is too dark and kitchen sink for my taste. The only way I can help you is to give it high stars, and I have done that. I will keep an eye on you and when you do need that final push to the editor's desk then I will find a place on my shelf. You don’t need any more reviews it has all been said. kind regards Kylla.

Emma, brilliant. I started at chapter 5 as I have read the beginning before. Chapter 6 is right up my street as far as contents are concerned. The character descriptions are sharp; you build up suspense. I shall read all of the book now. You deserve to be published.
Added two more stars to the four I gave you earlier on.
Brigitte
Living with Bi-Polar

Written from the heart- I like your style Emma, very evocative.

Emma,

I really like this one. I read only chapter one so far but it's really good. Your very creative with your writing and the flow is great. It' s not my usual genre here but an easy interest read for me. The flow is great and the characters are interesting. I will be back soon to read more and comment on it. High Stars & good luck to you.

-Lyn

Emma, this is fantastic work. Immediately I thought it could be a novel I'd just picked off a shelf in the library, it's quality is so high. Great flow of your story and dialogue. I love the colloquial feel to it, it's easy to follow with the accent in my mind. It evokes strong emotion, with Sally's struggle against her evil husband. It's going on my watch list till I have space on my shelf. Top stars, well done!

Emma,

Your storytelling is so powerful, that I was thankful for the "relief" found in the second chapter. The topic raises so many emotions, and you have captured all of those. I hope that when I continue reading your story further, that Joseph pays a heavy price for his existance....

I love the lilting brogue. You write it well.

I don't know if you are taking or wanting suggestions at this point, so disregard the following if you are not. I found the colon in the 7th paragraph, 1st chapter, distracting. Also I found the "sharp breeze, blowing softly" at the beginning of chap 2, an odd juxtaposition, so that it took away from the flow as I perceived it.

Congratulations on your success! I wish you the best. You have a fantastic book here.

Celine Zabel
Lives Shattered: One Mother's Loss at the Hands of the Legal System

Read chapters one and two! sad but great opening!! Really enjoy it and I want to put it in my shelf as soon as I can figure this blasted iPhone out. ( every time I try to add a book to shelf it says error, something about enabling cookies but j can't figure out how with my phone( :( ugh! But still great! Let me know if u read Gypsy of Vilda I need all the help I can get since I am new. ( and if course everyone sees I have no books on my shelf , but I is tryin' ! ;)

From the very first sentence I was drawn in. Your description of abuse is so well written, I could feel every punch. The terror Sally endures is heart-wrenching. I have aonly read 2 chapters, but I'm sure I'll be back to read much more. Well done High starred.
MC
Exposed

Chapters 1-3.

This was a captivating read that reminded me of Catherine Cookson. You do well to start your book with such a dramatic and startling event and your ending to chapter one is a great hook...I just had to carry on reading to see who spoke those words and what would happen next.

You give an effective description of the poverty and drudgery of every day life and yet make the book sparkle with interesting characters. Sally is a sympathetic character and Ivy feels strong, practical and kind-hearted. Also, I liked the contrast between the bully Joseph and the more mild-mannered Arthur. You must have done a lot of research to get this right and it certainly feels authentic. It looks set to become an engrossing and enjoyable story.

I have just a couple of suggestions, which I hope are helpful to you.
In Chapter One, I felt Sally's use of the word "despicable" is perhaps out of character, given her background and general education.(It jarred a little with me.)
In Chapter Three, when Ivy is picking up the baby from the drawer, you use "was serving" and "served" in quick succession. Could you use an alternative?

I give Sally of Spring Row a high star ranking. My shelf is full until the end of the month but I will find a space for it in March.
Cherry
The Girl from Ithaca