Shadow Jumper

I really like your story. I like your characters, I like the plot, and I like your writing. I love the way you end each chapter with a "cliff hanger" so you have to turn the next page. Great job! Cliff hangers is about the only way to keep a child reading when Ipods, games, etc are calling their names. I'm givng you six stars and putting you on my shelf. Good luck!!

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

Dear Julia

On the recommendation of Naomi I have read the first seven chapters of "Shadow Jumper". It is perfectly pitched: A great plot, interesting characters, plausible spookiness. All wrapped up in great writing and a well observed, realistic tone. What a package! Very impressive. Even the odd details that might raise questions, such as, "Why would a boy have a torch in his rucksack?" are answered.

I wish you every success and rate highly. I am making room on my WL.

Fran.

I liked the secrecy and intrigue you left me with in the opening paragraphs from '98. It makes me want to dive in and discover who, what and why. Your character Beth is seems interesting as well, dead parents, pale skin... I am curious and excited to learn more about her. Through 3 chapters and I like what I've read so far.

Good pace and a strong opening.
Nice introduction to your characters, that are well rounded and convincing.
The dialogue adds to your writing and fills out this well written piece.
Well-written ending to the chapters that I fell will entice readers to carry on into the next chapter.
I found this a very good read, which is easy to read.
Well done

YARG review

chap 19 - what is in that room????

chap 20 - Wow! I didn't see that coming!

chap 21 - a fast-paced, haert-pounding attempt at a getaway. Really done well. Now what?

chap 22 - nice ending. Who opened the door?

Are you going to post the rest of the book? I hope so. What a place to leave us hanging!!

Please let me know if you do.

Great book.
Jimmy

YARG review

Haven't been back in a while. Finally here again!

chap 15 - as always, the dialogue is great. Glad I hadn't just eaten before reading about Jack's leg!

chap 16 - that ending was great! Still loving the differences between Jack and Beth.

chap 17 - just when I say I like the differences between Jack and Beth, Jack takes the initiative! But we find out Beth likes the fun, not the danger. Jack senses something and it must be strong for him to risk breaking in. He's also desperate. His reaction to her concern and the statement about someone needing to hold his hand was really good.

chap 18 - I was holding my breath! looks like they make it inside, though. Now what?

I won't take so long getting back to read more of this book!

Jimmy

YARG Review
Read chaps 12-14.
I never would have guessed Beth had her parent's ashes in her rucksack. I didn't know what to expect, but it wasn't that! I also like the description of Dr.Blackstone. The experiments on kids is good too. Another thing I wouldn't have thought of as 'experiments gone wrong'. Is it true? I don't know (I suspect yes), but something is going on and it has me wanting to turn the page!

YARG Review
back to read chap 10 & 11
I liked how chap 10 puts the first piece of the puzzle out there as to what happened to Jack's dad with his work. It's just a little piece, but something to pique the interest as to what really happened. I've never heard of "prised his eyes open" Is that another way to say "pried his eyes open" or a typo? Not sure.
chap 11 is really good! The suspense level is rising by the word. No time to read on now, but the ending was great. What's in that box???

Jimmy

YARG review
back for more
chapter 8 - I love the dialogue between Jack and Beth.
I wasn't sure what they were going to find when they went searching, and thought maybe we wouldn't find out until the next chapter. Maybe the chapter would end as their eyes widened when they saw what was lying there. But you did tell us and it was just a dog. Not what I expected. Then Jack notices something else happened to the dog besides getting hit by the bus. Something strange. So the suspense is back!
I know this book is finished so you aren't editing it anymore probably, but one thing jumped out at me - "Beth shrugged her shoulders." As I was told when I had written the same thing in my book, "what else are you going to shrug? Until people start shrugging something else, leave out "her shoulders." I couldn't argue with that.
chapter 9 -
The comparison of Auntie Lil to her garden gnomes was great. This chapter hooks us again in the end. what's in the rucksack??

Still loving this book.

YARG review
back for more
chapter 8 - I love the dialogue between Jack and Beth.
I wasn't sure what they were going to find when they went searching, and thought maybe we wouldn't find out until the next chapter. Maybe the chapter would end as their eyes widened when they saw what was lying there. But you did tell us and it was just a dog. Not what I expected. Then Jack notices something else happened to the dog besides getting hit by the bus. Something strange. So the suspense is back!
I know this book is finished so you aren't editing it anymore probably, but one thing jumped out at me - "Beth shrugged her shoulders." As I was told when I had written the same thing in my book, "what else are you going to shrug? Until people start shrugging something else, leave out "her shoulders." I couldn't argue with that.
chapter 9 -
The comparison of Auntie Lil to her garden gnomes was great. This chapter hooks us again in the end. what's in the rucksack??

Still loving this book.

YARG review

Hi Julia,
I read chapters 6 and 7. Love the way Beth steps in and takes charge. Jack is just along for the ride, even though it's his father they are setting out to find. Why such interest from Beth? Is it just her nature, or is there some connection we don't know about yet. Either way, what I love about her is she is fierce, adventurous and unafraid. I wouldn't change anything in these two chapters...really done well.

I'll be back for more..

Jimmy

YARG Review -

Back for more -

Chapter 4 -
"He pulled his right ear forwards..." - sounds like it should be 'forward' to me.
"Brushing his hair forwards..." here again
Great dialogue with his mom.

Chapter 5 -
great start with the phone conversation.
Really good description of Wolf.
I like the way this chapter ends. Jack finally has a friend but has lost something special in the process.

Really good up through chapter 5. Jack has a new friend, but she's a lot more than he bargained for. More hints about his dad, but nothing concrete yet.

Will come back for more when I can...
Jimmy

This was recommended by a few people and so I took a quick read - ended up reading everything. You really do have a superb voice and premise. It put me in mind of Robert Muchamore - books my son loved when he was a bit younger...ie realistic, gritty and compelling. Your hooks are masterful and the characterisation is very real. It's perfectly pitched for the 8-12 age group, I'd imagine. And would appeal to both boys and girls - which is exceedingly smart. Malorie Blackman is another name that comes to mind by way of comparison.

I'm just sorry I didn't read this earlier when I could have helped you to the desk...but doesn't look as if you needed much help. DO hope you find a publisher for this. Huge good luck with your review. Jane

YARG Review -
Hi Julia,

I read the first three chapters and this book is amazing. The pacing is fast, the dialogue very real, it's beautifully written and well edited. There is nothing I would change. It's original (to me, anyway) and intriguing. I will come back to read more when I get a chance.
2+2+2 stars!

Jimmy

Have read the whole 24 chapters and I am now dying to see where this story goes. Loving the cliffhangers, perfect for the age group you have set the book for.

The characters are well thought out and the plot moves at a great pace.

I know it's all been said before so well done.

Yay! You have the coveted medal - so well deserved.
Watch this space I say x

Lots to like about this. It's different, it's got quirky characters who make you want to learn more about them, and it's well crafted. There's plenty to draw the reader in and keep them turning the pages. I read 7 chapters straight off and will doubtless be back to dip a toe in again. I can see why it's proving so popular.

best of luck with it.

Tottie Limejuice
Sell the Pig

Julia:
Fantastic concept, great action, engaging characters and age appropriate writing make this novel a winner in my books. Best of luck.

Debra H
Turnaround Bay

Hi Julia I've gotten to chapter 10 and I am impressed I can see a lot of of work and imagination has gotten into this book. I've been writing for nearly six years and I am willing to say this is better than anything I could write you are really talented writer and if this book gets on the shelves i would buy it.

keep writing

The characters leap off the pages. I loved the dialogue. The ending of each chapter left the reader drooling jumping to turn to the next page. And the scenes, to die for.

Great Job!

The cliff hangers - yeah - haven't had those since what's that wizard kid's name?

Excellent!

MJStar
Lovely Dark Fallen

Wishing you all the success us poor writer's desire!

I am a sucker for mystery writing and I wanted to learn more about Jack's adventures in finding his dad, because it sounds very interesting. The psychology makes it a hole lot better, this I feel adds imagination in thinking of how he would accomplish his goals. Love it!

It might be a bit silly, but I wanted to say, also, that I love the cover of your book. I love the little "shadow" dude in mid-jump :)

Very interesting premise! I've added you to my shelf and look forward to reading more.

Hi, I've just started reading your book and already I've found something that's caught my attention. I'm looking forward to the ride you've put us on.

Grant

CHIRG Review

Hey Julia, I don't think I read chapter 13 before so I went back to my original comments which probably didn't justify how much I enjoyed this book (I was new and useless back then).

Chapter 13 is possibly the most exciting of the lot up to that point and it actually felt odd that Jack wanted to this on his own without Beth. Kind of showed big development for him as a person, the sequence of him following this person was great and ending the chapter when he realised it wasn't Mrs Roberts is another spectacular cliff hanger for a page turner.

Overall, the posted work of Shadow Jumper is excellent. The friendship that forms between Jack and Beth feels real and it's not a typical adventure story. It's actually unique and quite a complex story that doesn't patronize the target audience. Jack is a likeable MC and Beth is amazing support. I can see there'll be a lot more to her in the story after she revealed what she was holding in her bag.

I said it before somewhere, but this story has the best cliff hangers I've seen on authonomy. As long as the remainder of the story lives up to what is posted on here I hope it hits shelves some point in the near future. Apologies I can't offer anything with critique, but this is your story and you've told it in your own way and I couldn't find flaws in it even if I tried.

John

The plot definitely thickens. Very enjoyable chapters. I wish I had more to say, but I didn't have many critiques here, and the ones I had were probably all personal preference.

CHAPTER 9:
- “stomach did several somersaults” - It could be fine, but I might take out “several”
- “enveloped him as she hugged him” - again, this is really minor, but I might try to rephrase this to avoid saying “him” twice so close together
- “sniffing loudly” - I would possibly take out “loudly” from sniffing, as I wasn't sure it was necessary, and a couple paragraphs later, you say “the loud ringing tone” and “blowing her nose noisily”
CHAPTER 10:
- “surrounding him on all sides” - since surrounding means to encircle completely, I might take out “on all sides”

Another great couple of chapters, though. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to read more soon.

Mike
Arrival of the Ageless

CHIRG
I have read the first 5 chapters and like the way it is heading. Your writing style is easy to read and the pace is good. I like the way you made me wonder what is in Beth’s rucksack. It took me a while to work out where it was set.

Alan
Lottie Baxter and the Fools Gold

Just to let you know I really enjoyed this. I picked it only because of the ranking but just to let you know it's a great story. I know it's a kids book but hey, we're all big kids right?

I have read chapters 1 and 2 and really enjoyed them! The pacing and action got me in straight away (I was only intending to read a page or two ...).

I found the first few paragraphs a bit heavy on the adjectives, but after that fine. It's a book my bookworm 9-year old would like to read, I'm sure. She loves fiction where she can sympathise with the characters and get caught up in thrilling events. Her current favourite author is Jacqueline Wilson. It's also a book that would appeal to both genders I think which is nice.

Although this is not my area, I liked the pitch. I tried to remember when I was a kid, and I think this plot would have appealed to me. It's dangerous and adventurous, plus he's an underdog which is always attractive. There's some mad science in there too, and our young hero has to go on a truly independant and brave journey. All of that would sweep me in, I believe.

The pitch is written well and clearly, which may sound facile, but I am always amazed at how this seems like a simple thing but it's harder sometimes than writing the whole book.

The first chapter immediately shows its thriller style. There's a lot at stake, he is under harsh pressure, and there's a lot of sypathy and excitement. It's just the right length and the pace is good.

If I were a teen, I'd read this. I can only read one chapter per writer on this site, so I'll wish you well, and say well done.

best wishes from
Eileen Kay
Noodle Trails

CHIRG

I've just finished reading through chapter 5 and I can definitely see why your book in on the editor's desk. It is so well written and with the cliffhanger endings it makes you want to turn the page to find out what happens next. The first chapter is my favorite so far and my only suggestion would be for you to create that strong suspense that I felt in the first chapter in the following chapters. They are really good but I actually found myself reading quicker towards the end of the first chapter because I thought I had an idea of what was going to happen and I wanted to get there to find out if I was right or not. And then when I turned to the next chapter, I had no idea that that was what would be facing Jack. So excellent work and good luck! I definitely think this should be published.

-Kari

Hi Julia,

I loved the first three chapters of your story 'Shadow Jumper.'

The intriguing start sets the pace with Jack, who suffers from severe photosensitivity causing him such isolation and discomfort prowling about on the roof. The cliff-hanging ending to the first chapter certainly spurred the reader to read on.

The introduction of the mysterious Beth is interesting, and I liked the contemptuous way Jack reacted when Beth, who is of a similar age to him, patronizes him as being too young for climbing on the roof, while she does the same.

The dialogue between the characters is believable, and I hope to read more and will rate highly.

Carol Jefferies
(Love for Lilian)

Dear Julia,

The pitch sounds truly unique and original.

You have a really fluid writing style and build a colourful world with believable characters and a strong plot. The dialogue held my interest and added to the characterisation, as did the mysterious cliff-hangers.
I think the target age group would find this a highly entertaining read. I will read on and add to my watchlist- it is definately a page turner, High Stars aswell.
All the best with this,
Dr Hawkes (The Reluctant Adventures of E.Q.)

Thank you for your kind message and support. I got to cuddle up with your book this weekend, and I look forward to progressing more. It's refreshing to read YA that does not talk down to the reader. It's very well-written.

Best,
Michael

This is a slick piece of writing which flows really well - it deserves to be on the editor's desk and that is why I'm backing it. I love the start of chapter 12, with the ashes, it made me chuckle!!! You really have a talent for writing, and, more importantly for me, storytelling.
Five stars!
Nik

Julia,
I was really taken with your character Jack and his situation. Rich color here and real characters. I will come back for more of this. High marks.
Best wishes,
MP

YOU MADE IT TO THE EDITOR'S DESK!
CONGRATULATIONS JULIA. Happy to see you there and well deserved x

Well written and fascinating from the first few words. Excellent - I can see why it's made No. 2. I have added to your star quota.

CHIRG REVIEW
Shadow Jumper/Julia Forster
Chapter four
Jack is in a panic. He’s found another “bumpy blotch” and tries combing his hair in such a way to try and hide this new blotchy condition from his mother. He’s fourteen now, he reminds his mother, when she’s off to work and he doesn’t want Mrs. Roberts to baby sit him for various reasons, but to his mom he says, “Her breath stinks…” This is unfortunately not enough to change her mind!
One senses his mother’s frustration, because she would like to take him on holiday somewhere, but his response is realistic: where could they go with him looking like that – at school things were bad enough because he knows no one will even hold his hand there and then you hint at “other things.” You manage to make his desperation and isolation real and the reader feels his loss. I think your description of his feelings sums it all up – beautifully written. “Loneliness smothered him like the lotion he rubbed onto his skin.” At the same time you touch on issues which teenagers often face, like name calling without making it preachy the reader sympathizes with Jack’s situation. This chapter ends with him deciding to take Beth up on her offer to help him find his dad who is off somewhere doing scientific research, because he missed his dad’s phone call and Jack is getting desperate to find d a cure.
Chapter five
Beth phones and wants to meet to go shadow jumping. He’s not happy, because it’s dangerous, but they are on the roof at 8h30 where he as always reproaches himself for staring at Beth with her black lipstick, heavily made up eyes and white powdered face… They jump from roof to roof and then rest somewhere but a lad called Wolf, a sixteen-year-old bully and two of his friends chase the “freaks” leading to confrontation between them and Beth. I love the excitement of the chase – they escape leaving Jack with mixed feelings. He wanted friends so badly, but could he let Beth be the one? “…thoughts twisted and collided in his head…, (well written) a line had been crossed when they jumped that first shadow together… But it meant sharing his refuge with her.” The roofs were no longer his. This short sentenced statement again highlights Jack’s inner turmoil and leads perfectly into the next chapter.
Chapter six
Beth visits him at their flat. Jack looks around. He knows things are just not grand in any way, but by saying his mom and dad will buy a place when they get back together again, gives him an answer and asking her about her life with eight other children keeps their conversation going and takes attention away from him and his mum’s dismal lodgings, but finally he has to tell her that he couldn’t wait another two weeks before he could speak to his dad, he needed to find him. She repeats her offer to help him. The first lead would be to contact his aunt. Beth immediately wants to get going, shocking him somewhat. The chapter ends with Beth being like a whirlwind, making snap decisions. Jack almost regrets asking her, but there is going to be no turning back.
I would like to mention that I still find your story nicely paced, chapters not too long, the story and plot moving along at a steady pace. I enjoy the way you manage to convey Jack’s feelings either by way of conversation or by giving apt well-thought-out descriptions. I’ve already given six stars, but will click on it again because I love your clear style of writing without any unnecessary frills. All the best for reaching the Editor’s desk this month. I’ll keep an eye on Shadow Jumper, should you need again need support with shelf space next month! Kindest regards, Maretha
http://www.authonomy.com/books/43500/african-adventures-of-flame-family-furry-and-feathered-friends-/

I thought this was a very good chapter, with some great details, like the torchlight quivering, and the breath on the neck, and I really like the sense of mystery that pervades the chapter.

CHAPTER 8:
- She seems to go from zero to drooling quite quickly; possibly a bit of time passes before she does this, but from the way it's written, it seemed instantaneous to me
- “Yes, I think so. What's happened?” - this could just be how I read it, but I wasn't sure this is how someone would sound after getting thrown to the floor of a bus; I might expect her to be at least a bit annoyed or angered or shaken up, and less calm and composed
- A couple of times, I did wonder if some of the images were slightly graphic for the audience, like feeling like the shards of glass were penetrating his skull and sliding behind his eyes, and the image of the bloody dog by the side of the road, but I'm never quite sure how much is allowed, so it could be fine.

Great stuff overall, though, and I really like where this story's headed.

Mike
Arrival of the Ageless
What, the Elf?

CHIRG

This is an excellent story - high stars. I can't really fault it in any way. I was only gutted at reaching page 11 and realising I wouldn't reach the end and know what happens.....

Lisa Abraham
Great Big Safari Park Stories

The Shadow Jumper...

Honestly I haven't given it much thought, but I can say that your cliff hangers really keep me going. I find this as a fast paced story and it raises so many thoughts in mind. Very interesting, greatly detailed, and perfect for children!

Best Of Wishes
A.D. Reid

YARG review of chapter 1 & 2:

Hello! I've truly enjoyed the first two chapters of your story. It's the type of novel I like to read genre-wise. You transition well between dialogue and narrative. Speaking of dialogue, you do superbly in this area! I'm really liking Jack's character and now Beth. Interaction between the two is well written. You attention to detail is wonderful, bringing the chapters alive. I didn't see any grammatical errors. Nice cliffhanger at the end of chapter two! Now I'm curious. This is getting high stars and a spot in my WL!

Jillian
Steel Hearts

Dear Julia,
I was going to have a look - just one look at your SJ but was hooked and could tear me off the read when three chapters were behind.
At first I didn't like Jack, to tell the truth.You know, the idea of a kid risking his life for nothing...
But chapter two has lit the patch of light on his life and you can't but sympathize with him.
Beth is a very strong and promising character. Her appearance adds a very catchy element of mystery to the narration.
Parents' divorce as a background adds switches on some new feelings, adds the book depth and volume.
I like your well elaborated, polished style, and I'm sure, kids will love it greatly. I'm sure this book will be a success.
The highest stars, WL for the time being, and my very best wishes, dear Julia!

Valentine But
Escape

This is a Young Adult Reading Group (YARG!) review, as well as a CHIRG review:

CHAPTER 5 -
- Some great touches here, like “The Case of the Missing Dad” and the wilting plant not getting enough light to “keep it happy”
- I also really enjoyed the dynamic between the characters, and him getting a bit antsy when she inspects his things,
- Only one thing in this chapter stuck out to me as something I might think about changing: “Beth was like a whirlwind” and “she was like a scary-looking puppy” were in back-to-back sentences; I would possibly change one to “Beth was a whirlwind” to avoid using two similes so close to one another; I'm probably the only one who'll notice this, though, so it's probably fine as is.
CHAPTER 6:
- It did seem slightly strange that she's asking him to learn how to shadow jump, since she was already following him on the rooftops when they first met, after spotting him in the street; In order to keep up with him, I would think she'd already be quite capable at this (possibly even better than he is, considering she saved him from falling).
- small editing issue: “they crouched at the bottom of one (of) the steep pitches”
- “He stopped (on) the other side” ?
- I'd remove the hyphen in “ring-leader” and make it one word
- I wasn't quite sure about the line: “If Jack hadn't been quaking in his shoes, he'd have laughed at the gesture.” - I'd understand it more if the bully stumbled, or did something a bit more goofy, but the slapping the fist in the hand gesture seemed like a legitimately intimidating move, and had the desired effect

I really enjoyed both chapters though, and chapter 5 was especially good for me, as there were some great character moments here.

Mike
Arrival of the Ageless
What, the Elf?

I've read chapters 1-4 and I'm really enjoying this. Jack seems to be a really interesting protagonist - I like the way you've presented his thoughts and reactions. This is also really well paced, and your cliff hangers keep me wanting more. A definitely 6 star rating.

Wow, what a great opening chapter. I literally cannot wait to read more!

Hi Julia,

YARG-Like your story a lot. Strong characters and stroyline, makes me want to read more. Ending the chapters on a cliffhanhger is a good idea and will have people clicking on the next chapter instantly.

Patrick Lynch
The Spirits in the Shadows

This is a Young Adult Reading Group (YARG!) review:

I've returned for another chapter. This is still very well done, but there were a couple of things that stuck out to me:

CHAPTER 4 -
- “sliver of mirror” - I wasn't quite sure about this, as it made me think of a fragment of a mirror, or that the mirror had been broken (it might well have been, though, as it's been a few days since I read this, and I have a frightful memory).
- “even though things were getting desperate, he couldn't bring himself to tell her about his skin;” - this exact line appeared twice in the chapter; coupled with “He couldn't afford to” and “He couldn't bear to”, lines like this started to feel a bit too repetitive,

Very good overall, though, and my issues are either easily fixed or easily ignored.

Mike
Arrival of the Ageless

Julia, just read the rest of Shadow Jumper straight through. Love it love it love it. When will you upload the rest? I NEED to know what happens!

Seriously Julia, that’s a great story, writing faultless, characters believable and engaging, flows smoothly, mysteries compelling. It’s sure to be a success on here and then out in the world. 6 stars and on my bookshelf as soon as I can make room. Have recommended it highly on the forum.

Thanks for a really good read
Grace

Julia, just read the rest of Shadow Jumper straight through. Love it love it love it. When will you upload the rest? I NEED to know what happens!

Seriously Julia, that’s a great story, writing faultless, characters believable and engaging, flows smoothly, mysteries compelling. It’s sure to be a success on here and then out in the world. 6 stars and on my bookshelf as soon as I can make room. Have recommended it highly on the forum.

Thanks for a really good read
Grace

Hi Julia. Having read everything that you have uploaded for Shadow Jumper you have left me wanting more ! Superb characters and plot line. Wishing you lots of success with this and please let me know when I can read more.
Andy H

This is a Young Adult Reading Group (YARG!) review, as well as a CHIRG review:

I gave this six stars the last time I read it, and that certainly didn't change now that I've returned to see the changes. The writing and the concept are still excellent, and this is very well edited. A part of me did kind of miss the prologue, as I remember liking the interplay between the characters, but I completely understand why you removed it, and I've had to make similar cuts in my own books.

I made a couple of notes as I read the first three chapters, though they could simply be personal preference. Please do disregard anything you disagree with.
- “scrambling quickly” - I wasn't sure the adverb was necessary here, as to scramble is to move hurriedly
- “Beth looked shocked” - this seemed slightly off to me, as I wasn't sure he'd said much in the last line to elicit such a response, as he just said it had been getting worse. And this could just be her personality, but she seemed to jump between emotions a bit quickly, from feeling sorry for him, to being shocked, then to clapping her hands in excitement

Terrific job overall, though, and I've really enjoyed reading this so far.

Mike
Arrival of the Ageless
What, the Elf?

You do an excellent job of building tension between the chapters. It is easy to become wrapped up in Jack's worsening skin condition, missing father, and Beth's issues with her deceased parents. I am new to this site, and hope to find more stories of this level as I continue to read through. I will put you on my watch list.

Mike Rinn
Newton and the Herd