The Ugly Face of Beauty.

Jennifer King February.

The Ugly Face of Beauty is a densely plotted psychological drama about the fragility of beauty. (Moral of the Story) Beauty is only skin deep.

This is a crushing story of secrecy, deception, jealousy, vanity, mystery and tragedy. Linda and Jane, teenage sisters are at odds with each other. Linda is vain, beautiful, flaunts herself and is a show-off. She’s also heart less, arrogant, merciless and out of control, almost evil. While Jane is the total opposite and Linda makes Jane’s life a living hell, toying with her emotions. The hate Linda feels and inflicts on Jane is extreme leaving Jane shattered to the point where Jane leaves to seek and orphanage home, where she lands a job helping out when Linda spoils things for her. She even destroys Jane’s paintings. Linda feels that busy lawyer mother has no time for her and pays Jane more attention, which isn’t true. Linda is lazy, untidy and neglects her schoolwork and only has time for her spoilt brat boyfriend David, who is as arrogant and malicious as her. David is a flirt and is unfaithful and Linda finds out, which later in the story through jealousy leads to devastating tragic consequences between Linda and David’s other girlfriend, Cathy.

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tags

dramatic fiction, emotional, intense, mystery, psychological., victorian

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2 comments

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Warrick Mayes wrote 479 days ago

Jenny,

I read most of chapter one, but there a quite a few problems that need sorting.

Generally, it is easier if you can split dialogue from different people onto separate lines. This makes it easier for the reader. Also, sometimes it does not helpt to have one persons dialogue and another's actions on he same line, as in "...If I were you I’d crawl under the nearest rock.” Jane shook her head..."

There were also little snippets that did not feel essential to the plot and were almost after-thoughts, such as "...And also doll collecting."

Right at the beginning, we have a picture of Jane getting out of the shower, so when the other three girsl burst in, I am expecting her to still be wrapped in a towel, but instead she is hiding her face in a book. There was no transition or time-lapse.

I als found the following:
"...I would like this to be a secrete..." should be "secret".

The following felt wrong "...ditch that ‘drop dead look’ and go on with it." possibly you mean "...ditch that ‘drop dead look’ and go with it."

"Jane shook her head in disbelieve..." should be "disbelief".

The following did not seem to make any sense, "...that in fact we like her boyfriend?” get noticed." I guess the last two words are left over from some previous version?

"Yeah right, rest assured. Linda said handing Jane three red..." There were no end quotes after "assured", and I spotted this on at least one other occassion.

You story does have promise, and the pitch suggests you have a great idea, so I would suggest that you edit the first couple of chapters, cut out the non-essential and see what people say to Mk II. You can then continue in the same vein on the other chapters.

Best regards
Warrick

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Jenny Penny wrote 482 days ago

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY

After College, worked for the government and later I became my own boss and ran a successful Modeling School. Then I moved and worked for an advertising company for a while, and then a stay at home mum. Later I put my efforts into teaching speech and drama to young children and was also a part time English tutor. During this time I enrolled with the Writing School and successfully completed a four-year Comprehensive course, which I completed in two years earning me the Writing School's Diploma. And since then I've been writing and enjoying it very much. I also obtained a Certificate from the London Chamber of Commerce and Industry Examinations Board for: English for Commerce. A Certificate of Merit was awarded to me for drama from the Council for Culture and Recreation in South

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