Book Jacket

 

rank 2288
word count 24164
date submitted 06.02.2012
date updated 09.06.2012
genres: Chick Lit, Non-fiction, Travel, Cri...
classification: universal
incomplete

Genghis Khan: The Autobiography

Mr Carpet Muncher

A short story dealing with potentially uncomfortable subject matter. In other words DON'T CRY. Ask mummy for tissues if you do.

 

Look my front cover is a dog with a bag over it's head HAHA isn't pointless bag torture of animals amusing chortle bloody chortle. OH OH READ IT. I am a slovenly ape. I only use tortured metaphors and enjoy Scrabble, all things included in this patchwork travesty of absolute scummy bath water I have written as an ironic take on the world of everything ever. I satirise everything, even satire, and the satire that satirises satire. Basically nothing gets past me and MY ENORMOUS CRANIUM.

A nasty, brutish pile of semen in which nightmares will be spawned as well as hapless attempts at dissecting my appalling grasp of narrative...and all that other balls.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

cream shots creamy gunk creamy sponges creamy loneliness suicide cream, sex armageddon death love gays homosexuals farters hitman agent 47 small big w...

on 7 watchlists

42 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

1

report abuse

Stems

Love with No Reciprocate

 

The first time I uttered the words I love you to her, she laughed. I remember the way her laugh had been garish and hurtful. She had been hoping to attract the attention of her nearby male friends; a posse of twenty-something out of work freelance drug mules. They smoked crack and made peace with the God they didnt believe in. Her laugh had not distracted them from their slumber and she threw me a spiteful smile. It was from that moment I would feel lonely. She stared me away from her front door, autumn leaves crackling under my freshly burdened footsteps. I walked home; a ramshackle set of huts behind a petrol station. The owner of the petrol station, a Mr Davids, didnt mind my being there, and I never complained about the poor upholstery of the chairs he supplied for me. It was dark. I wished away the silence and had it met with a helicopter overhead, a single light shining down some hundred metres from my passage. I squinted to make out what was being illuminated but soon it flew away, once again leaving me alone. I decided to walk in the middle of the road, and not move if a car came along. It was my bad luck the driver saw me in time and swerved to avoid me. My heart didnt even notice.

 

Indifferent to my lucky escape I arrived home, walking through the empty doorframe to my bed; ten or eleven pillows. They stank. I had painted the bottom pillows brown to make them seem like wood, but upon inspection it looked like I had shit on all of them and it was that that had created the stench. They were uneven. Like a broken marshmallow mattress. I could not get comfortable. I came to realise for the thousandth time that pillows are not as comfortable as they are made out to be. I thought about asking Mr Davids for some new ones, but dismissed it. I could not pay. Within a few hours of shuffling I found the position of Zen and fell asleep, waking hours later with a love-induced headache and a traumatised heart. She had laughed. I loved her but she had laughed. She did know what love was. I was sure of it. How could she not? For an hour I cried into my hands, facing the equally miserable existence the chair opposite me led. When I stopped the lonely gesture of futility I sat blinking away the residue crying leaves and went into town. A lot of polished shiny people floated about between the shops, hands with bags, bags with handbags. I had ten pounds in twenty fifty pence coins I had stolen from a busker whos music I didnt readily accept as accomplished. He had chased me but without leaving his guitar, which slowed him down. I gazed down at the sparkling theft and thought about how strange it was these tiny bits of silver were worth so much. I knew I should feel rotten. I didnt.

 

I decided there and then to spend it all on junk food. Id been queuing up in the supermarket when two college aged children joined up behind me. Do you think transsexuals have good banter one asked. The other said it depended. They wove about the intricacies of the issue for a good ten minutes. I had bought some condoms, a can of Coke, custard creams and a Chicken Tikka sandwich. I had decided on flavoured condoms so I could chew them like gum. I also figured if at any point a woman took a liking to me, Id be prepared. The till worker looked grave and sorrowful. His right eye twitched every time he scanned the barcode and when he scanned the condoms he blushed a little. I bagged up my purchases and left. There I ran into an old friend, Marcus. Marcus was also homeless, only he did it out of choice. I had been made redundant and could no longer afford to live in a house, flat, apartment, barn, shed, outdoor studio or manicured hedgerow. Marcus was from America, and missed it terribly. He had told me he used to punch himself in the mouth and dribble out the red saliva because it looked like the Golden Gate Bridge. When he saw me he smiled broadly, and we talked about various things. He said hed found an off-licence that sold him Kronenberg at a 75% discount if he came into the tubs of ice cream because the owner hated children. He told me where it was and that theyd extend me the same service if I dropped his name. With that he rushed off. I hitched a ride home on the back of a maintenance workers truck and jumped off when he refused to stop when I asked him too. Mr Davids had left me a porn magazine on my bed with a note saying to avoid page twenty six. Instinctively I turned to it and saw a she-male pouting at the camera in a bright orange room. I stared at the unsettling image for some time before ripping it out and throwing it out my front doorway.

 

I thought again about her. The woman Id given my love to. I decided to go to her house again tonight. If she denied me a second time, Id definitely walk the few hundred miles to Dover and paint the white cliffs with my red body sized paint brush. It was a long walk but Id already hitched that day and I didnt like tempting fate. Id heard about hitchers who get picked up by lunatics in pickup trucks. They took there passenger to their lair, drugged them, raped them, hired a camera crew of seventies porn actors on lithium to film it before beheading the mauled human carcass and burning it over an empty oil drum. The idea frightened me. I saw the lights were on at her house and I felt nervous. Id hoped shed be out. Id also hoped shed be in. I knocked at her door with my fist, showing my power and forthrightness. She answered, eyes glazed over, a glass of red wine in her hand. She smiled and asked what I wanted. I love you I told her, my eyes pleading and innocent. She said youre the guy from the other night. I nodded. She pulled me indoors and shoved me into her lounge. I sat down on the plush sofa and fiddled with the golden tassels of a nearby cushion. She asked me why I loved her and I said I didnt know specifically but I just knew. She twirled her hair in a flirty way. She asked me more questions. I told her I was thirty two years old. Homeless. Never married. No kids. No job. As I talked I remembered Id brought along the condoms. I clutched them hoping that perhaps I may have use for them. I knew she was drunk, and only allowed me in because her addled mind thought it fun and wacky. I shouldve cared, maybe been offended. She told me she had had sixteen glasses of wine in three hours, and was feeling horny. I thought about a rampant orgy in which the condom would split open like a faulty parachute and the skydiving sperms would drown her egg in a gooey accident. I felt more needed than ever before, even if I was just a temporary fuck job to pass the time to sobriety. When she passed out minutes later I thought about groping her. In the end I picked her up and had her on my lap, pretending shed fallen asleep due to me comforting her about the tragic death of her dog.

 

After a few hours of this I became numb and shifted her off of me, standing up to get my blood circulating again. She rolled onto the floor and hit her head hard. I left her there and departed for home again. This time I walked on the paths and when I arrived at my shack, I went straight to sleep. I didnt dream at all and woke to absolute silence. It was a Sunday I remembered. The station was always dead on Sundays. I gorged myself on the custard creams Id bought and felt their sludgy residue nauseate my pallet. Soon they tasted of vomit and then nothing. I grabbed the Chicken Tikka sandwich container and licked all the remnants of flavour of the cardboard, before eating the stained bits because the sauce had dried into it. I asked Mr Davids for a lift after he finished work and he said of course. At eight in the evening he finished up and drove me to her house. He asked me if I wanted a return journey. I told him no thank you. The third time of knocking and no one answered. The lights were on. On the tenth time she answered, a nasty bruise on her forehead. She gave me a groggy but knowing hello. I beamed quite stupidly at the fact she remembered me and asked how she was. She said shed fucked one of her drug mules and gotten Chlamydia. I was taken back by her honesty and said I was there for her. She nodded with tears. She hugged me tight. I felt her sobs and wanted to feel sorry for her. But I only loved her. I didnt like her at all. When we separated she invited me in and made me a lasagne. She didnt season it and the meal was a travesty. I ate it reluctantly, and wanted my mother there to pretend each disgraceful mouthful was a steam train like how she did when I was younger. I managed to clear the plate but shed been drinking red wine again and had had a dozen or so refills. She told me Chlamydia was symptom less and that if I got it, itd be an achievement. I shook my head and asked her if AIDS was top prize. She laughed and said shed tried getting AIDS off a sharp piece of rusting metal. I told her thats tetanus, not AIDS. By glass fifteen her words were slurred and her incessant need to pause for effect was becoming highly annoying. I told her Id be back tomorrow and that she should go to the doctors to see about her Chlamydia. She giggled and swatted away my suggestion, stating that doctors were on par with Nazis, and that Heinrich Himmler formed the NHS in 1941. On the walk home I spotted Marcus masturbating in a hedge outside a parade of shops. I left him to his home comforts and arrived home, fell upon the bed and lay awake wondering why I had fallen in love with a drunken sex maniac whos promiscuity was revoltingly adorable. I had no answers and neither did my sleep. In fact I never got an answer to that. 

 

 

 

 

He Needs Sex

 

He had told me the secret to getting women with raised eyebrows and a sinister smile, before pulling out a handgun and a tube of pills. Threaten them. Drug them. Do what you want with them. We were sitting in his car listening to ambient tones from lost radio days when he showed me the gun. I didnt know what make or model and I didnt really care, the gun was a danger and he seemed comfortable with it in his hand. Safety off. Loaded. He told me to watch how he did things for one night. Said Id need balls of brass to do it. I said isnt it balls of steel and he said no, steel is for pussies. I said my balls were brassy and I failed to mention Id be turning him in to the police the following morning. He was my best friend but he was also a psycho, which made the friendship tenuous and fraught with danger. He placed the gun by his crotch and pretended it was some sort of sperm cannon, his eyes rolling in his head, mouth wide open. He laughed raucously to himself while grabbing my cheek and blowing me sadistic kisses. I forced a smile but in all honesty that was the most uncomfortable part of the whole night. When we stopped by his girlfriends place I was determined to not speak out. Or stop him. He seemed locked into what was a series of unflinchingly nasty acts and I thought it better to let him go on his way.

 

He knocked at her door and she opened hesitantly. She was bruised and he wolf whistled at her, stroking her face delicately before barging past her and I followed. She seemed anxious, with good reason, and he jumped onto the sofa and made rigorous humping motions with his hips, frog tongue darting in and out. He gestured for her to join him. Come here bitch he said. I flinched on the word bitch but let him do his thing. She trudged over to him, steps lacklustre and knowing. He grabbed her cardigan and pulled her on top of himself, pulling down her leggings. She yelled out for him to stop but he carried on, giggling with pleasure at her discomfort, telling her my friend wants to see you fuck me sweetheart. They fucked for a while, most of it brutish and hurtful. I found myself daydreaming about animals screwing like humans and pictured two blue whales exploring the pleasure of missionary when he screamed cum blast from his mouth and settled down. She sobbed quite wretchedly before rushing past me upstairs. His cock was left out of his jeans and he sent me a smooch signal for me to suck him off but I shook my head. He shoved it away in to its home town before standing and pulling out his gun, saying the neighbour was a hottie and she needed her fields ploughing. I wanted to laugh at his sexual metaphor but it felt inappropriate having seen what Id seen. He shouted bye up the stairs and I followed him next door. Knock knock. Whos there? Open the fucking door you twat. Silence. I have a gun. What? Open up or Ill shoot you. She peeped through her spyglass and opened up, face freshly cemented with fright. I stared with dread. He walked indoors, spinning the gun in his hand, pointing at a pile of books on a nearby table. He picked up one with his spare hand, reading its title aloud. The Descent. He meandered about the hallway, speaking in a posh voice, talking about the characteristics of books. They have words and whatnot, pages and such, emotions and shit, you know, he said softly, leering at her playfully, gauging her response. I doubt it got anywhere near what he wanted.

 

Ive seen you fuck before, by the window he smiled, pointing at her breasts. I felt cold. Worried and cold. Take your clothes off Miss he asked, winking at me, all the while pointing his gun at her head, finger twitching dangerously. She took off her top, tears falling to the floor. Bra off. It felt wrong looking upon her naked body but he had already started smacking his lips like dessert had arrived. He edged nearer her, cocking his head like an interested dog after scraps and rubbed the end of his gun about her nipple which made her lips turn inward. Then he took out his pills and said open your mouth darling. She didnt, not until the gun was pressed against her cheek and her tongue slid out like a conveyor belt. He popped the pill on her tongue, smiling at his handiwork before placing his hand over her mouth, forcing her to swallow it. Swallow it, its just candy he told her, eyes pleading, voice psychotically brittle. I willed her not to. She did. For the next hour I sat watching her fellate him quite dementedly. I broke the awful noises by staring into space and wondering why I didnt feel at all uncomfortable watching a drugged up naked stranger give a psycho a blowjob in her hallway in the late evening. Sometime later, after the woman had spluttered up more than just his juices, she blacked out. He looked at me with a funny glint in his eyes. I asked if we should dress her and lay her down somewhere more comfortable. He snorted derisively. We left her house and got back into his car and drove to the local town centre. All the while he described the sensation of the blowjob in enormous detail, comparing it to a goldfish in a bowl of sunflower oil. I didnt know what he meant and kept quiet.

 

At the nightclub he parked up. A sizeable queue streamed from the double doors and towering men in black garb mumbled and cast their bored eyes over I.D after I.D. We joined the queue. He pointed at my shoes and smiled. I gave him an inquiring eye. How did you know to wear shoes he said. I didnt know how I knew, Im not even sure I did know. Later on I decided I didnt know. Later still I became confused by the question. As we neared the doormen he singled out a woman ahead in a leopard print dress and preposterously tall high heels. Jungle woman he said, rubbing his groin and puffing his cheeks. Upon entry two things became startlingly clear. One, I was going to have to drive us home. Two, Id be driving us home while he screwed the jungle woman in the back. Hed already joined her at the bar and I could see that for all his psychotic behaviour, he was charming. I watched her laugh and slowly pivot her body to face his. She licked her lips frequently. I realised I was standing alone. People wafted by and shot me wary looks. This must be how hitmen stand in clubs I thought, alone with watchful eyes. Jungle woman was necking a glass of clear liquid. Four lay upon the bar. I could see her legs starting to weaken and I knew in a few minutes the two of them would get into his car and start getting torrid. I started to picture the tumescence and began feeling sick. Like I had predicted, jungle woman, now completely intoxicated, stumbled towards me with the help of my friend. He laughed at her directly, stating she was a whore and needed punishing. I frowned at his outright malevolence but she didnt notice and I wondered what satisfaction someone could get from screwing someone so obviously willing to do anything. Shell be in the Thames by the morning he joked, propping her up.

 

We left the club and we piled her into the back seat. He looked at me with a serious face. Shes passed out he said, disappointed. I checked and she had passed out. She also didnt wear underwear. He pondered for some minutes, staring in an abstract way at the road. Right he said, jumping into life, we go to your place, strip her and have a threesome. I agreed half heartedly, in fact I agreed without any heart, I did it to save her. It was either a grotesque threesome or something much much worse. I drove home and he sat next to me humming a made up tune, glancing every so often at jungle woman who was now drooling onto his upholstery. Halfway through the journey he opened up the glove box and produced a small bottle of whiskey. He drank all of it. It reminded me of my dad but at the same time I recalled I had never met my dad. With every gulp his state worsened. The threesome was horrible. She was ragged about like a dog toy, unconscious and willing in the worst way. He came after a couple of hours. I had turned the lights off so I didnt have to violate her. I groaned a false orgasm close to his and poured a pre-prepared glass of water on her back to fool him. I neednt have worried. After climaxing he collapsed onto the floor and fell silent. By 2am I had moved them both to my bed before realising she would wake up in a frenzy. Or she might not. I queried her for a while, my half-whispers getting no reply. I settled on dragging him to a separate room and leaving a note on my bedside table. In the end I left him on the floor where he had collapsed. It seemed fitting. Crime scene investigators would line him with chalk and ask me probing questions if he were to die I thought. Did they still use chalk?

 

At 4am I heard a soft lamentation from my bedroom and found him circling on his hands and knees. Upon seeing me he said right Hasslehoff, were going back out. He got onto his haunches in a precarious fashion and stood. I was impressed he managed it. We drove to a house he knew in the country. It was a detached one, big and homely. He said the daughter was a vixen and would open her window to a kum-bay-ar sex cry. An hour later and we were camping by a tree stump in the half-light of the early morning. The house had been a different one to the one he had thought it was, which became evident when the police turned up after the elderly woman who lived alone there had called them complaining of indecent assault. Id heard her from the back garden after he had smashed a window while proclaiming the vixen a slut. When the sirens arrived and two men with authoritative voices turned up we had to scarper. We had run into the woodlands nearby with great enthusiasm. Not only had he threatened, drugged and orally raped a neighbour, had intercourse with an unconscious stranger and vandalised and verbally abused an old woman, he had no guilt about the whole ordeal. In fact after wed escaped into the forest far enough he suggested home invading a nearby cottage whos softly puffing chimney did look inviting. He had begun to sober up and crossed the threshold between drunk indecency and calculated venom. As the Sun rose we crossed the field of weeds and heather to the cottage. No lights were on and he crept up to the back door, trying the handle.

 

Then he noticed a pair of shears resting up against the outdoor shed and grabbed them. He snipped the air with them. Then he went back to the door and snipped an invisible ribbon before declaring I hereby open the centre of Hell. Holding the shears by their blades he smashed in the window of the back door. It broke alarmingly easily and he clambered inside, running to find the stairs. Shouts from upstairs made my gut stiffen. Then it lifted to my throat. Female cries for help brought me new terror and I followed his path to the stairs. Somehow in the intervening period between our two separate journeys indoors hed gagged and tied a young woman to a radiator and had what I assumed to be the mother in a position Id seen in a Kama Sutra book. The young woman cried desperately and I stared at her, now completely devoid of any courage. The mother was sobbing quietly as he thrust his hips and amidst the scene I gazed at the curtains and knew the fabric because my aunts house had the exact same curtains only these had a different pattern. During my mental sojourn I decided to smash my friends head in with an ornament lying by my left foot. The mother screamed and the blood sprayed over her. He hit the ground very hard. I watched the crimson pool from the wound and felt nothing. When the police came I was still staring at the blood. Apparently I didnt say a single word for three days. When I stare at the ceiling in my cell the blood blossoms on its grainy surface and the guards have to maul me because I dont move when Im told. When I stare at the ceiling in the infirmary I ask the empty space next to me why my head hurts. Then the end of my arm goes cold. Im cold all over now. Sometimes I dont feel it at all. The doctor calls it frostbite but I dont trust him. He hangs from the ceiling and doesnt wear white. His eyes are red too.             

Chapters

1

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
R.Moore wrote 359 days ago

Yes R.Moore! Keep a fucking leash on your temper mate! I'll paragraph when I'm not having my stoppard gobbled you freak!

Just Joey wrote 359 days ago

I can see why this has got a big boy 2 backers in its three and a half month existence. Terrible.

R.Moore wrote 359 days ago

Wot woz awful bout it you fucking cunt. Front me you little cocksucker. Cream on my party friends!

Bea Sinclair wrote 112 days ago

I laughed and cried whilst enjoying this beautifully written work. You are indeed a talented writer and I really wish you success with this highly original book. I have awarded six stars and placed "Ghengis Khan; The Autobiography" on my book shelf. Yours Bea

ubulord wrote 203 days ago

I got curious byt the awful comments, the lack of backers and the author insulting me (lol). I didn't read much but read some. I don't think it's bad. It's kind of reality tv literature, it's not supposed to be compared to Shakespeare. If I remember well, in the 70's there were some books like this one which did rather well commercially. Can't remember the titles though. I think the times have changed and I'm not so sure nowadays there's still much of a market for this kind of thing, but it makes an entertaining read, if one can consider entertaining following the miseries of the downtrodden. I probably should have chosen a different word. The problem with this kind of book is that it's not fantastically well written but if it were, then it wouldn't sound genuine, so it has to be written like this and accepted for what it is. 4 stars.

eleanorcocolarbi wrote 264 days ago

oh my god. amazing. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

R.Moore wrote 339 days ago

You're all fucking liars....backing me for one day. I hope you endure hernia's in vital internal organs.

Su Dan wrote 341 days ago

good title to start. you write clearly and to the point.
backed...
read SEASONS...

Zane Stumpo wrote 343 days ago

So part one now has a part two? More difficult travel into the world of English Psycho. (I assume you're English, and not just a fluent Azerbaijani?) Like an aid mission into Helmand. Fraught with danger and unpleasantness, but an experience you'll remember if you're spared.

Don't read this if you have any taste or scruples.

Compulsory if you crave brutally original writing.

Momma Bear wrote 345 days ago

Your contemptuous forum posting, wild bio and synopsis dragged me over here. I had to read!

I loved it. LOVED it. Jack Kerouac has been reborn in the name of R. Moore. The emotional honesty is what kills me in the piece. Not many people have that kind of courage. And your voice flowed with colorful descriptions to match the mood.

It was a little bit difficult to read with the lack of paragraph breaks. And I know this is probably purposefully done, but it would be a bit easier to read if broken up a bit more. Aside from this petty critique, I loved loved loved it.

More, please.

Six stars.

R.Moore wrote 345 days ago

My main man Jehmka bigging up the soon to be something'd GENGHIS KHAN. I write for me and my prison inmates, they hate soppy romances or thrilling bullshit blahblah, they're about soap stories and infirmary shenanigans. So watch out, if you're in prison, get ready for the big kahuna, and by kahuna I mean surprise not the other thing. I won't stab you with it. It won't leave blood but it will be a damaging experience.

Jehmka wrote 348 days ago

This is amazing.
Just the sort of thing authonomites will not get because it is too original, and too unorthodox. (I apologize to the few writers here who have the courage to not conform and suffer the price. I'm not talking about you.)
But come on now!!! Jesus! Genghis Khan is original, smart, entertaining... genius comes to my mind. Really.
The only nit I can offer is regarding structure. It's a bit like you're feeding the reader with a snow-shovel. But the words are so tasty.

Six stars and three punkins. More please!

R.Moore wrote 359 days ago

U a sheep now blud?! Go bah on your dogs nips for christmas turkey you dog breath cock-er-oach.

Just Joey wrote 359 days ago
R.Moore wrote 359 days ago

Wot woz awful bout it you fucking cunt. Front me you little cocksucker. Cream on my party friends!

Just Joey wrote 359 days ago

I can see why this has got a big boy 2 backers in its three and a half month existence. Terrible.

R.Moore wrote 359 days ago

Yes R.Moore! Keep a fucking leash on your temper mate! I'll paragraph when I'm not having my stoppard gobbled you freak!

R.Moore wrote 360 days ago

For FUCKS sake R. Moore! Put some paragraphs/spacers in your work. You blithering blither merchant.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 362 days ago

R.,
Shades of "Last Exit to Brooklyn," I do believe you've made your presence felt at authonomy. The uniqueness of your work stands out, the first person POV giving your reader a look at the world through shades, most likely cop aviator glasses with one-way mirror tints to deflect intrusion while skewering targeted prey. His nightmares meshed in with his reality, easily could have been the by-product of apoplectic seizure, making both what is real and what is imagined, interchangeable. Thank you so much for the intriguoing read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

PerryStroika wrote 362 days ago

R Moore. I get a sense of a very strong and unusual personality in your work. There is a really anarchic sensibility coming from these pages. That said, though, I think you should break these pages up into paragraphs; it would make it easier to read. There also seems to me that you could distinguish between the good bits and the filler a bit more. There is some description, particularly at the beginning, that adds little. The way the narrator seems to talk about his world seems to indicate someone who deals with everything at arms length. It's like life were some stinking, dead rotten fish that he held away from himself, nose wrinkled. That gives the narrative voice a kind of flat, disaffected quality. It's disconcerting but certainly expressive.

In short, I definitely think there is something here, and you should keep shaping it and working on it.

best,

Perry

Karamak wrote 363 days ago

Read the first 3 and you are truly talented this is amazing stuff. Unique with your own original voice. We were once coming down from a mushroom trip and a friend of mine lay in the road - the car swerved just at the last moment, what a night!
Woody Allen watch out, sheer genius (oh and loved the ice -cream bit !!)
Not a bad word to say, LOVE IT 6* Karen x

scottkenny wrote 363 days ago

'morbid faced cows chewing perpetually on what seemed like nothing, gazing with unflinching sadness upon the car.'
Love it,
backed.
Scott.

Maevesleibhin wrote 391 days ago

Roger,
I read your new stories.
I have to say that I had doubts at first, but with these new stories I realise that you do, indeed, have a gift for the strange, dark macabre humour. These stories are absolutely brilliant in their extremely morbid tongue in cheekness. They made me think of Nabokov without the annoying propensity for taking itself seriously. I give it high stars and will be looking forward more stories. I will probably shock my Authonomy friends by even giving it a spin on my shelf at some point.
Forlorn- This is really sick, but at the same time full of pathos. I found the lonelyness of the girl visceral.
A Kiss- Wow. This was really quite a number. The violence of it combined with the tenderness made it memorable.
First Murder- This was so funny and so perverse that I read it with a smile. The man is such a dolt...
Religion Calling- This was very odd, and very irreverent.
Doctors- Weird, and kind of ugly, but so absurd it was funny.

Again, I look forward to more stories. These are the kinds of pieces that you see pasted along mounted pieces at a contemporary art museum. Little works of perverse, sometimes very ugly, art.
I highly recommend them for people who are not easily shocked. Do keep it up.
Best,
Maeve

R.Moore wrote 394 days ago

Teehheeeee my hot dawg Spoon Platoon commenting on my big mover GENGIZ KAHN DA AUTOBIOGAPHRY! 2K12 FUCKERZZZZ! WOOOOO!

SpoonPlatoon wrote 394 days ago

That's how I say your name :D haha :P ;)

SpoonPlatoon wrote 394 days ago

Arrrghhhhh! Mooreee!!!!!

Richard Maitland wrote 395 days ago

You had me at: "I do this when I'm borderline suicidal".

Wonderfully, brutally, bizarre. And backed.

R.Moore wrote 402 days ago

My man Zane speaks powder you troglodytes!

Zane Stumpo wrote 402 days ago

Started with the first two chapters. Roger, Radian, Rhomboid, whoever - you have a unique voice and a heap of deluded insights to express with it. Which is good. There are many writers on this site who can punctuate more consistently, but couldn't come near you for style, originality and sheer readability. Your deranged musings are a fishing hook in my arm. Not nice, but I know I won't disentangle myself in a hurry. Hurrah for your fresh eyes on the world, which allow me to view the familiar and less familiar with unfamiliar gaze.

You are obsessed with sex and perversion. As are we all. Just - you admit it, and put it on paper, which reflects the weird nasty side of us back in a mirror. And that's what being a writer consists of.

You have the skill to say "didn't mind my being there" instead of the crappy "didn't mind me being there". But you can't work out apostrophes! If you want to spell the word "it's" then try saying "it is" in its place. Like - in chapter 2 you describe the moon "flaunting it's silvery streaks". Try my substitution and it reads "flaunting it is silvery streaks". Which is not what you're trying to say. So it's "flaunting its silvery streaks". So it is "flaunting its silvery streaks".

Now practice that. I'll be checking if you've got the hang of it, and there will be sore knuckles if you don't get it right from now on. Yours, not mine.

But, for goodness sake, a copy editor could sort out that detail. What no number of experts could do is graft on talent where none exists. And you have talent, in abundance. That's a tasty person surrounded by little dancing buns.

Six stars, and your rise will be something to behold. You will be loved by those who love this kind of stuff, and hated by those who fear it. E-publishing was invented for distinctive writers like yourself to find a mass niche audience - little groups of aficionados, but spread across the globe. Go for it.

R.Moore wrote 403 days ago

The book is on the rise! It's like a fox full of helium.

R.Moore wrote 405 days ago

Cheers babe for commenting reely appweciate it babes! I'm a top lad for 2K12!

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 405 days ago

What is here written is very good. The way it is written, even taking account of the satire of satire angle, makes my eyes hurt. Even with the font up to 23 point, I find it hard.

Your writing is witty, amusing and insightful. I am sorry if that goes against what you would like me to say, this being a satire of satire...Would you prefer me to suggest, ever so tongue in cheek, that this is a searing indictment of the oppression of the masses by serial literature killing techniques?

Meantime, I rate it highly.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-D

leelah wrote 407 days ago

This is hugely talentful. I savor each of your sentences. I think of Jack kerouac when i read you: the same wildness, outrageousness, the "here I am and take me or not i don't give a shit."
AND you completely confuse us with your pitch too - and i think that is perfect and in style.
I will come back fro short visits. You are delicious is small increments: you have to be savored, not over-eaten.

This was written after the first chapter/story. When i went on, I felt sick - until i realized that I was given the opportunity to look into the mind of extreme pain and delusion - call it borderline, that's just a name - but I know that someone who is able to describe the stuff you are doing AND still can have a "normal" adult life and pay his bills and don't abuse or murder people - he is a writer. ( Now i hope that you do not abuse or murder people and I even hope you are able to pay your bills.)
So i sixstar you for your evident outrageous talent, and suggest that you might have a sweet future if you turned your attention away from hell and towards beauty.

And if you do not behave and acknowledge that I have written this, I will delete the six stars :-)
Leelah

Annette Russell wrote 415 days ago

Fibber! It took me five whole days to work up the courage to respond to your invitation and read about the severed arm you didn't need because it had ebola in it, only to find it wasn't your opening line at all! And in all that time, I didn't eat a single slice of gooey, rich chocolate cake, just so I wouldn't . . . you know . . . I'll leave the description of that to you - I'm the squeamish one here. Although being laughed at in response to saying I love you is pretty horrific too.

I'm married to a man who doesn't speak in paragraphs, so I'm used to not needing a mental health break, but I am a bit cross-eyed at the moment. I guess my eyes could have used a white space break. I don't want to bring on a bout of "hazy stupor", so I'll tip-toe and not mention the dark poetry that pulled me into your book. Sorry, that slipped out, but I promise not to go on about it now. Here's a bit of nit-picky proof-reading instead: in Love with No Reciprocate, "who's" should be "whose" (11th word in line 27); "of" should be "off" (2nd word in line 82), and "doctors" in line 99 (but not 100!) needs an apostrophe. And now you're going to tell me to get a life. Which is precisely what I'm off to do. I'll be back for more of your dark poetry - oops, sorry - as soon as my eyes have recovered. Until then, you're on my watchlist. Annette

R.Moore wrote 420 days ago

Pliss Keep reddin my wurk ppl pliss!

R.Moore wrote 422 days ago

FANKS FOR COKMENTS PLZ KEEP COMMENTING I NEED TO BE IN THE WANKING SO I GET PUBLASHED OKAY EVERYONE CHR\

Emma.L.H. wrote 422 days ago

You're my new favourite person on here! I swear on my brother's eyes, if you ever get a book of short stories published, I'll buy it! I laughed out loud throughout the whole of these; they're exceptionally well written. You are one crazy guy but a talented one at that. Drop me a message if you upload anything else! :D

R.Moore wrote 422 days ago

FANKS 4 REPLYIN GEESE, WEELY WEELY APPRECIATE THIS SHIT CHEERZ M8S

leeconnor wrote 422 days ago

I don't care if you're crazy or unbelievably funny - this is plainly just a good old honest piece of writing and full of humour. You've obviously got a lot to say so I'm very much looking forward to any more books you upload! Only one thing...if you could format the text, readers will find it so much more easier to read, review and comment. The content is great, just break it up a bit more.

Well done - I'm sure this will gather plenty attention. Good luck and welcome to the site!

Lee :-)

Maevesleibhin wrote 434 days ago

There is a fundamental issue and that is, you need to post more stories.
Ignoring the fact that one story is repeated four times, I really like the first two chapters. This is really wonderful, understated, dark, darkly humourous character-driven, thought provoking short fiction. I don't have time for a detailed comment now, but I just wanted to say I think this is really worth the read. These are over the top and depressing situations at first that are told with a humour that brings to relief the human condition in a stark manner. Some cracked me up enormously, like Morgue Mimic.
The torture chapter was a bit much for me until the ironic ending, which made
me laugh. I think you need to write more stories and make a full offering before this can get the attention it deserves.
More soon.
Best,
Maeve

Warrick Mayes wrote 464 days ago

R Moore,

I read Oliver Twist. I assume that this is a complete short story in chapter one, as it has such an odd ending.

I share a little of Jack's concerns, but not all.
In places, the narrative concentrates more on the act and less on the feelings of the victim. This could start to alienate the reader, as they would naturally side with the victim and would feel greater fear and more sickened if they can be kept in the mind of the victim rather than in the mind of the attacker. The paragraphs beninning "Clenched in the hands..." and "Seemingly not satisfied..." are prime examples of what I mean.

There are some lovely contrasts - your describe the apalling scene in light comparisons to beautiful and touching scenes.

I found a few niggles:
The sentence that ends "...thrust it into the hand of Oliver." feels awkward and would flow better as "...thrust it into Oliver's hand."

The way you describe the finger nail coming off "...ripping it from the finger entirely, as it shot off and skated across the floor." sound like the ripping off happens at ths same time as the skating across the floor, which is not possible. Hence "...ripping it from the finger entirely, and sending it skating across the floor." would make more sense.

The repetition of "the floor" feels clunky in "...dripping surreptitiously to the floor, before joining the stream of blood already on the floor..." and might be better as "...dripping surreptitiously to the floor, before joining the stream of blood already there, spiralling down..."

A couple of errors in "...he slid on needle into the cavity......separated into to flapping folds." should probably be "...he slid one needle into the cavity......separated into flapping folds."

Altogether a very intriguing read. If the intention is to shock, you have achieved this, but I would concentrate either on the vile nature of the attacker (cold sadism) or the horror and pain of the victim (maintaining the agony).

Best regards
Warrick

Jack Cerro wrote 467 days ago

Short story or random scene? In the end this suffers from a lack of context. We end up sympathizing with the tortured guy which is not your intent. As a short story this could work if the tortured fella gave us glimpses into his past behavior via flashbacks. Maybe we would see a transformation in him as the torture progresses. Maybe he has a epiphany about his life?

Small nit picks..."longed for death" is probably a cliche at this point.
The use of X...could be heard bothered me because it doesn't tell me who could hear it. This is really a pov issue as this excerpt has a point of view that floats around quite a bit. One minute I'm seeing the action from afar and the next moment I'm tight to the victims sight and senses. This can work and in some ways it gives you the luxury of writing in great detail about the more visceral and visual effects of the slaughter. Problem is, it begs the question of why the narrator is describing the mutilation in such a way that it beautifies it. This isn't the victims perspective and from your short blurb at the end, I don't think it is the torturers perspective.The torturer here is coming across as your cliche "Hostel" style sadist with a flair for the surreal. Your giving us none of his humanity. The revenge factor doesn't bleed through here. He's too one dimensional too be interesting. Like the victim, I'd rather see him waver a bit in his role. You say the victim has it coming, but I get no sense of that in this piece. The attacker is cold and detached, not angry and vengeful. Let some more humanity in, let him talk to the victim about the things he has done. Maybe let him waver in the face of what he is doing. Unless the guy tortures people all the time, he shouldn't behave in this way.

Interesting read.

orma wrote 468 days ago

Oh my God! That'll teach me for being nosey! I really don't get this. Is it really entertainment?
What exactly do you get out of writing this stuff!
I accepted your friend request and thought I'd check you out. Please tell me you haven't actually done this type of thing.
To tell you the truth I don't think this kind of thing sells well, but if it does, don't you think you're pandering to a sadistic curiosity!
I've only read half of the first chapter, as this is not too my taste.
The writing itself is quite good, so I think you are capable of writing a proper book. You know, one that shines from merit, rather than just from shock tactics.
Btw, I don't think you can taste a pulse. Maybe hear would be better.
Anyway, that's all the input I have for you. This is definitely not my area!
I hope you try something different, as you have some talent as a writer and don't need this gruesom extremism to attract an audience.
All the best and i hope you will find time to return the read. What are you like with the paranormal? Does that scare you?

Jue Shaw wrote 468 days ago

Fucking hell, this is gruesome. You write well but this is a difficult piece to read, because of the nature of it. If your aim is to shock and chill the heart, then yes, you have achieved this. You now need to decide where you go from here. Is it to be a stand alone piece or will you be constructing a story around it? I can imagine this being a relevant chapter in a full book, so I'm assuming this is what you'll do. Either way, good luck with it, you certainly have some talent. x

GILLIAN.M.H wrote 468 days ago

One of the messages you were sent made me curious about your book. I don't know how you can call it Chick Lit, romance or Comedy. I would class it as Misery Lit, not a genre I like, although there seems to be a market for it. I did not read it all, but had a glance at the end.
It is my guess that you were bullied as a child, and are fantasizing what you would like to have done back, especially as you have repeated the first chapter six times. If I am right, I hope your book has helped you work through your anger. Or maybe I'm wrong - and you have repeated the chapter, just to get enough words, and plan to add more to the book later.

1