Book Jacket

 

rank 4811
word count 21403
date submitted 06.02.2012
date updated 28.02.2012
genres: Fiction, Chick Lit, Science Fiction...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Boom!

Andy Klaus


A world-renowned pop diva and her entourage awaken in the post-apocalyptic future - does she have what it takes to stay on top?

 

Patrice "Pookie" Delgado was the hottest item in Hollywood - pop diva, reality TV star, and media sensation. That is - until the world she knew ceased to be. Suddenly waking up over 1200 years later, she and her entourage struggle for survival in a world turned upside down. But Pookie won't let a nuclear holocaust get in the way of her aspirations!

Boom! chronicles the trials, tribulations, and comedic misadventures of four unlikely survivors in a world they could never have imagined. They face terrifying tribes, monstrous mutants, and creepy cultists as they search for answers - and a place to call home.

 
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tags

apocalypse, chick, comedy, cult, diva, fallout, fun, funny, hip, mutant, nuclear, nuke, pop, post, smart, tribes

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Chapters

6

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First Contact

Curtis hacked away at the snake as the others explored.  At his advice, they took the pistol from his bag and remained close together.  At first, paranoia tightly bound them – so much that they were bumping into each other every time Ben paused.  For fear that he’d accidentally discharge the pistol, Ben asked Jen and Pook to fall back a little, which they did, but only with great reluctance.  Fright made great watchmen of the both of them as they progressed slowly past the outer dome wall. 

  Once outside the dome, the surrounding terrain was mostly flat save for tight clusters of cacti and distant hillocks.  The nearest feature of note was what appeared to be a dry lake bed about a quarter of a mile away.  Ben led the group towards it, not sure why, other than the hunch that it might contain something they could use.

  The surrounding terrain bristled with small, shy reptiles ducking for cover.  The group plodded noisily and clumsily across a landscape of mostly sand and succulents – making progress in tiny paranoid spurts of motion.  Aside from a few strange looking plants, they could have been in pretty much any desert they’d ever seen.

  Within an hour, they had finally reached the edge of the dry lake, though to be fair not one of them knew the exact time.  They had relied on digital technology for such a thing, and not one of their devices seemed to work.

  The lake had a shape that immediately triggered something in Ben’s mind.  He and Jen met eyes almost simultaneously and they said as one, “Bomb crater.”

  Pookie looked extra hard at the features for several moments – her brow furrowed with concentration.  She added a few seconds later, “Nuclear bomb… right?”

Ben shrugged and said, “Yeah, probably.  But nothing we have to worry about.  It hasn’t been a bomb crater for over a thousand years.  I figure by now it’s as safe as it’ll ever be.”

He looked towards the central part of the crater and noticed something that seemed out of place – but he needed to get closer to really know.

“I’m going in, if anyone wants to follow.”

Sand had smoothed the slope of the crater, but it was still a little tricky going down.  Squat cacti ringed the upper portion, and pointy grasses grew in clumps as they made their way closer to the bottom.

  When they reached the lowest part of the crater, Ben called for a short break so he could catch his breath.  His legs were covered in red welts and tiny scratches, and Jen insisted he sit still so she could look for signs of trouble.  Ben hunched over so she could check him out.

  About halfway through Jen’s examination, Ben bolted forward about a yard.  He holstered the pistol in the pocket of his Tyvek “skirt” and leaned down - revealing more ass crack than Jen could bear.

He bent low to grasp something small, round, and pale green in color. 

He held it to his nose for a few seconds and gave it a delicate squeeze and sniffed it again. He squeezed the orb firmly into his mouth and dropped its skin on the ground. 

Ben’s face puckered a moment and he screeched, “Hoo ya!”

The others moved in closer to see what Ben was up to.  As he noticed them, he smiled wolfishly and said, “Wild grapes!  Sour as lemons, but sweet too.”

He spat a few seeds on the ground and said, “We should get more… who knows when we’ll get another shot at some fresh vitamin C.”

The grapevines grew amidst a tangle of low shrubs that spread haphazardly across the crater floor.

Ben and the others single-mindedly began filling their packs with bunches as he severed the stems with his plastic cutter.  Unlike store bought grapes, these fruit were fastened by thick rigid stems and required a little extra effort to remove in a bundle.  The progress was slowed as they dug deeper because the shrubs’ branches bristled with tiny sharp spikes. 

Ben’s pack was close to capacity when a cloaked figure rushed towards them shouting incoherently.

Thayssar na choors!” the yet-identified stranger screamed, pulling a crude weapon from a strap on his back.  The figure brandished the long stick in an unwieldy fashion, taking various jabs towards the group with the blunt tip.

Ben tried to say something but was interrupted.

Layve yir takkin en begwon.” 

 

Pookie stood before the stranger and puffed her chest out – she broke into a heavily accented voice and pointed her finger to emphasize her words, “You be goin, ya little shit.  Aint no signs round here.  These’r ours.”

 

Pookie’s words and gestures seemed to work, because the robed person dropped their weapon, backed away nervously, and cowered low behind a nearby bush. 

Norneet furdat eyd denno yir barinkiintakki tyeth en begwan azyiilyke

 

Ben moved his hand from the pistol at his side and backed away slowly.

“That was amazing,” he said towards Pookie, but still not letting his eyes fall away from the stranger.

“Weren’t nothin’ big,” she said, dropping much of her exaggerated accent, “You just gotta let em know who’s boss.”

 

Jenna looked at Pookie and added, “It almost seemed like you understood him.”

“I did… and now he unnerstands me,” Pookie replied smugly.

Both Ben and Jen turned disbelieving glares toward her.  The robed stranger fled in a plume of dust.

Reading their incredulous faces, Pookie chuckled and said, “It aint magic or nothin’.  I got a cousin from Brooklyn who moved to Jamaica who talks a much crazier accent.”

Her eyes softened and squinted sadly for a moment as she realized her mistake, “I had a cousin, I mean.”

Ben patted her on the back, “I say you’re amazing… all I heard was gibberish.”

“Gibberish?  I didn’t even get that far…” Jenna chimed in, “It sounded like pitchy grunts to me.”

 

 

Chapters

6

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Antiklaus wrote 381 days ago

This is a tsunami of enjoyment. I thoroughly enjoyed it



Thanks for the comment. Gonna have to check out some of your works as well.

patio wrote 381 days ago

This is a tsunami of enjoyment. I thoroughly enjoyed it

A G Chaudhuri wrote 416 days ago

Dear Andy,

I’ve read the first two chapters of BOOM and will read on for sure.

Very funny and very interesting, and it’s certainly the most curious genre mash-up that I’ve read on this site. The characters are well fleshed out and thoroughly entertaining – jungle lord Ben, disgusting Patrice, clever Curtis and melodramatic Jenna. I can’t wait to find out what the world will be like after 12 centuries.

My rating: 6 STARS (with pleasure!)

Best regards,
AGC


Zerin Mewa wrote 431 days ago

Your first few chapters are really well written and pull the reader in straight away (a good start) I don't find the mixture of genres confusing at all' I think it makes the story unique and less boring/ predictable! I'm looking forward to reading more. On my WL and highly starred in the mean time :-)

Antiklaus wrote 451 days ago

I love the short pitch. Intrigued by the chick lit/sci fi combination, and it's always fun to read about pop divas too.

And your first paragraph definitely makes me want to read on - I especially loved the description of body parts as aloof passengers on a crappy cruise.

Be careful with POV - it seems the narrator is inside her head - he talks about "cognitive dissonance" - but then also says her nipples seemed to indicate she was cold. If the narrator is inside her head then he/she knows she is cold. So maybe something like "her pert nipples testified she was cold". (But really, I had to wonder if this a gratuitous mention of nipples at all?!)

A story with loads of potential - I think it could do well here!



Thanks for the comment, and I hope that as you read on, you will become more comfortable with the style I employed.

I am a big fan of authors like Robert Anton Wilson who have a more god's-eye view perspective, and I am aware that such writing potentially contributes to a sense of cognitive dissonance, but I feel that from a storyteller's standpoint, the benefits far outweigh the risks.

I think this story is unique as it crosses genres that few people have risked mixing up. And I feel if you follow it to the end, you might be happy to see where it goes. As for nipples, my use is not gratuitous, but incidental as part of the story.

ClaireLyman wrote 451 days ago

I love the short pitch. Intrigued by the chick lit/sci fi combination, and it's always fun to read about pop divas too.

And your first paragraph definitely makes me want to read on - I especially loved the description of body parts as aloof passengers on a crappy cruise.

Be careful with POV - it seems the narrator is inside her head - he talks about "cognitive dissonance" - but then also says her nipples seemed to indicate she was cold. If the narrator is inside her head then he/she knows she is cold. So maybe something like "her pert nipples testified she was cold". (But really, I had to wonder if this a gratuitous mention of nipples at all?!)

A story with loads of potential - I think it could do well here!

Warrick Mayes wrote 472 days ago

Andy,

Totally cool and thoroughly enjoyable.
Generally I'm cautious about this type of story, but the 1200 year gap and the gang of hopeless fame chasers provides huge potential for crazy antics.

Some really good dialogue and comedic results as clothes, pets and toys all crumble with age.

I could find no fault, so will rate highly.
Best wishes
Warrick

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