The Second Coming of Walter Clements

Skilfully written and masterfully told. The reader's attention is siezed from the start by the Prologue which is extraordinarily well written the story progressing with intrigue and numerous hooks and questions that grip the reader throughout. Your attention to detail and your authoritative style make the book a very satisfying, enjoyable and entertaining read, especially weaving the story around those glorious years of the Space Race and the Kennedy Administration. One of the best books on site, without a doubt. When this book is published you have a sale this side of the pond! Backed.
Laurence
The Cross of Goa

Absolutely brilliant, could not put it down. It flows and plays and informs, a pleasure to read. It's all there, a wonderful concoction of history, social life, imagination, poetry, fluency of language and richness of settings. Above all, it makes sense. Boundaries are challenged within reason, and every person acts in character with their own plans and intentions while contributing effortlessly to the plot. This is the best book I have read on this site. On shelf.

Okay, I am hooked - I have so much to read and so much to do but I want to read this instead! It really is superb, one of the best I've come across on here. And after that 'gushy' and most unhelpful comment, this is going straight on my shelf, right now, and I am going to read on and come back with some intelligent and sensible comments *grins*
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

Well, well am I ever glad I took the time to read this all the way through. This is quite unique, and I mean that in the best of ways. The opening scene - leaving a baby on a doorstep - wow. This has been a wonderful read and an adevnture. You're on ye olde shelf.

Raymond,
I like it how Walter aka Ben Silva gets down to creating a future out of the past. Certainly his hooking up with a beauteous Egyptian princess makes his task all the mnore rewarding. Your use of quantum physics to weave this tale of parallel universes, answers our need for that great escape we crave for from the vale of tears we live in. Your sublots segueing one to another with vivid descriptives and captivating backstory, are a delight to follow. Thank you so much for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Agatha Club Crit: Second Coming of WAlter Clements

Following the rules of the game I dropped right into Chapter Two without even a cursory glance at One. I'm not being churlish, this is just how I did it. An experiment of sorts. If it's good, Two will take me there.

Okay - so now I have to go back and read One. And Three. Not to fill in, but because the stuff is damn good.

Fully fleshed out real characters that sang from the pages effortlessly. Filmic and graphic and punchy. The time-slips and scene changes worked flawlessly. This is an object lesson in fine writing that has no need to go show-boating. A subtle talent at work. An assured writer with a clear vision of where the work is leading.

I have used the time travel motif in my YA stories (I'm not called Casimir for nothing!) so I was curious to see how another writer approached this much used theme. Refreshingly well is the conclusion. It's the events that dominate - not the method. It all feels real.

The pitch does not quite do the narrative justice. But anyone interested in Time will dip in. A two minute read should be enough to convince anyone that this is something special.

I would be happy to read anything the writer throws at us - whatever genre. Good wry writing. A pleasant sarcastic tone where it needs it, elegant prose where elegance needs to shine.

Watch listed and a future backing.

Cas

http://www.authonomy.com/books/42590/bloodstones/

Club Agatha Review

A very long Chapter One. Certainly enough ideas to go to another chapter or two. The writing was good. I especially enjoyed his dilemma with smoking. I was confused as the scene opened up where he was, but soon became clear. A very good plot. I really love time travel stories. Good job.

Agatha Christie Critique 2-
Very interesting read with tons of twists and turns. I'm normally not a sci-fi fan but this is so well written, engaging, and intriguing that I was definitely hooked. Read through two chapters and wish I could stay up and read more. Plan to return.
Lena

Agatha critique take two

This isn't my cup of tea but I think you've wriiten the first chapter after the prologue more engaging. I am not into this literary fiction, I like to get on with things. You're using a lot of unnessacery adjectives, for example ; that and just. You also overuse the verb was. There is quite some tense confusion going on here which makes it hard to read. (Yes I'm guilty too.)

Hi!
Club Agatha Critique!

I find your story and your hook both very, very intriguing and I was excited to read this, especially with the title so mysterious too.
Your writing itself is brilliant; and you tell your story with such conviction that I found myself hooked instantly. Your characters are very believable and I found myself warming to them.

I would however point out that in chapter one, instead of using the periods '...' you have commas ',,,,' is this on purpose or an accident?
On this note, I would suggest just toning down the dots and using the conventional three dots for effect, simply because it looks more professional. But this is a very tenious thing and I'm just being picky. ha.

Very good first two chapters.
Well done.
Alex

I’m not normally a fan of anything with even a hint of sci-fi, Raymond but I have to say I really did enjoy this. I think it’s the subtlety of the sci-fi elements here that help to win me over. This isn’t dragon-headed mutants and fantastical scientific advances. The ‘science’ here feels credible, restrained and the world you depict is both recognizable and alien (and all the more persuasive and involving for being so). Cleverly done. I remember reading and enjoying Robert Harris’s world war two alternative reality thriller, ‘Fatherland’ and the atmosphere you create here has a similar feel. This is a world I can identify with and, more importantly, accept as a genuine, plausible reality.

The prose is very smooth with a an engaging mix of clear and direct storytelling and more involved imagery and character introspection. The dialogue feels real and purposeful (good use of tag-free conversational exchanges) and, as well as adding good energy to the scenes, helps flesh out the various characters. As mentioned above, the sense of time and place is clearly but subtly evoked. The detail is drip-fed rather than all coming in one mad rush, presenting the reader with a consistent, convincing alternative reality. The plot feels well thought out and multi-layered and, with its blend of sci-fi, adventure, social commentary etc, should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers.

In short, a very stylish, thoughtful sci-fi thriller. Highly starred and on my watchlist for further reading. Thanks and best of luck. Andrew


I made some notes as I went along on the opening sections. Feel free to ignore!!

Boston

I really like the opaqueness of the opening para. Really good way to hook the reader’s interest.

Maybe only use one name (either first or last) after introducing DR and CT??

…and calmly said [comma] ‘It’s about…’

Not keen on Cal wetting himself?? Can’t his blood just run cold or something similar??


Monte Cerini

I’m assuming Sun is capitalized for a reason??

Good detail re the bent backs/age of the labourers.

‘…stands lazily [comma not ‘and’??] rhythmically tearing…’

Won’t Ben still be able to smell the manure in his cart if he stops by the side of the road??

Repetition of reverie.

Maybe pick either April the 19th or April the nineteenth and stick with it??

Compound adjectives need hyphens (eg blue-green, wine-dark etc)

Interesting how, despite this being an alternative modern reality, you preserve elements of our own history (Paul Revere, Pygmalion etc)

I really like the way you keep the reader guessing as to what exactly is going on. Very intriguing.

‘adventure of a lifetime’ – cliché??

‘Yeah’ – feels out of place in the context of the narrative voice so far??

Frances’s not Frances’es

I like the italicised internal monologue inserts, although it does feel a bit odd that we have to wait until the last couple of paras before they’re introduced?? Given the focussed introspection of the ‘chapter’, I would have expected them to have been used more regularly (or not at all)??

You have hit the mark - this is sure to be a best seller so I'm backing it and giving it a top star rating - perhaps you could have a look at my books - thank you and good luck !!!

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An engaging start to what appears to be an intriguing story. A sympathetic main character. Excellent descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on chapter one:
1) 'Now more than two days since boarding the bus in Tampa Florida, ...' Comma after 'Tampa.' There are more cases of this type of problem.
2) ' ... she was uncertain, and once again ... she was sad' is telling. Consider showing these important emotions.
3) 'My name is Walter Clements' it said, ...... only that. When using ellipses ( ... ), only use three dots. Using more dots is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to figure out what your are trying to convery with six dots. You don't want that. There are more cases of this type of problem.
4) ' ... and life, for the horses is good.' Comma after 'horses.'
5) ' ... could surely rely on some quiet peace of mind knowing' something as simple as that.' I don't know why there is an apostrophe after 'knowing.'
6) 'That was at the time of Frances'es funeral.' I don't know why 'es follows Frances.
7) 'Hollyville, Massachusetts, 1:22PM' 'I:22PM should be '1:22 p.m.' There are more cases of this type of problem.
8) ' ... and their Sunglasses matched exactly.' No need to capitalize 'Sunglasses.' There are more cases of capitalizing common nouns. This is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story. You don't want that.
9) "Good morning. I am Alan Davis, with the Department of Defense." The first man said. Comma after 'defense' and 'The' should be lowercase. 'The first man said' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question) and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it is a person's name). There are more cases of this type of problem
10) "Yes ah,,,,,,,, ahh," No need for eight commas. Multiple commas is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to figure out what you mean with eight commas. You don't want that.
11) "I had every right Mr. Davis ..." Comma after 'right.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases of this type of problems.

I hope this critique helps you polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

I'm currently polishing the first four chapters of "Savannah Passion" for a possible Harper Collins read at the end of this month. Would you consider reading my fourth chapter before the end of the month and letting me know how I might improve it?

Have a fine day.

Happy holidays.

Al

Hi Raymond, you've a lovely way with tone and setting, effortlessly moving the reader from evocative past to a thoughtful interim then to an intriguing present and future. The first part left me in a sort of dreamy funk. I kinda like that ;0) Shelved. JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

A brief caveat - I lived in Beverly, Massacusetts for a number of years, and know the area well. I've also travelled in most of the place-settings, though only in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. There's relatively little description of the Massachusetts settings, in comparison to the Roman ones - help us to see the former as well.

Structurally, this is an intricately woven story, with well-nuanced characters. It definitely keeps the reader turning pages. It suffers from an occasional flatness in the narrative that could be improved by varying the sentence structure. And there are a lot of typoes - the usual missing apostrophes in possessives (especially family names ending with an "s") and commas around dependent clauses - remember the old adage that punctuation saves lives; the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma!" and "Let's eat Grandma!".

I'll put this into the bookshelf as soon as those currently serving sentence their are released for good behavior.

--James David Audlin

Brilliant premise, brilliantly executed. A rich and absorbing thriller told with style. Well drawn characters. Interesting dialogue. Evocative narrative. Assured writing. An entertaining read. Backed.

Raymond:
An ambitious project in every way. As I've said in other reviews, my favorite kind of fantasy/sci-fi (really, the only kind I'll really read) take more real-world issues and human characteristics and put them to the test in extreme circumstances. I think you've done this well here, mixing in a healthy does of thriller and crime drama, from what I've read and expect is to come.
Best of luck with your book.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

This is one amazing read. Not my usual genre, but skillful in the writing.., I had to read on and will continue to do so.

Raymond,

You've got quite a rich piece here! Your grasp of the era feels very authentic, and I was really impressed with the level of detail and the way you paint your story.

Nice work! Backed! Looking forward to your thoughts on Head Games!

Kevin Alex Baker
Head Games

Your openning, which grabs the reader's attention immediately, is both poignant and heart wrenching. A mother giving up her newborn son so that he can have a better life. And what a life. Your work is character rich, well paced, the storyline is fascinationg and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Wonderful premise, and you succeed brilliantly in handling a complex and intricate plot. The characters are interesting and three dimensional, and I have had to force myself to stop because I have to go to work! Will be back to finish, but on my shelf right now.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Normally I don't go for prologues. Normally. Yours worked perfectly here, however. Very nicely done. All the best with this.

Eric

Raymond,

First I like the pitch - it drew me to read it. I enjoyed the gentleness of the prologue, the woman's obvious unhappiness and dilemma, the mystery and questions that the reader has to ask. Then we switch to the later chapters.
Your descriptions are well portrayed, lots of excellent detail that has a good flowing pace. The style is unique and of high quality. Great book. I shall read more later.
Good luck
Faith
The Assassins Village

a very interesting premise told very well, with skill and care...you are on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

The writing is very passive and boring.

Shah

Thanks for nothing Udasman. You obviously read almost as much of the book as you imparted in your comment. RT

The writing is very passive and boring.

Shah

The Second Coming of Walter Clements

J. Dwyer/ writing as Raymond Terry

Raymond,
I like your cover and your pitches. I read a novel about parallel universes some two years ago - "The Man Who Turned Into Himself" by David Ambrose - his first novel, which I found interesting. I found it even more interesting when, with the aim of doing some quick "research" without having to do the work, I consulted a reliable "scientist" who confirmed that parallel universes were a possibility according to quantum physics. I then found myself in love with the idea of parallel universes believing of course in the possibility that they may exist. You know, dreamer and all. Now, I would love to write a story about my own parallel universe! I am glad you did and the plot which I glean from your pitches is very stimulating to me. This is one, to me, about the human condition - as you say, a story about people and how they deal with life's triumphs and disappointments in the daily pursuit of happiness. Here that film, "The Pursuit of Happiness" comes to mind. You have some universal themes in this which are very appealing and once one of your books makes it big, all of them will, including this one, so I am thinking there is and will be a very wide audience for this. I can't imagine writing over 100,000 words for a novel. I am a "novellan" at best and write much shorter novels so you have my deep respect and envy here. Congrats on a piece well done.
I like how you refer to your opening character as "the woman" at the start of one. Immediately I feel as if I am on a journey I want to be on, following the details about this woman and her actions. You manage to achieve the kind of atmosphere with just your few opening paragraphs which makes one want to read on - at least, moi. You create sympathy for this woman who wants the best for her six weeks-old son. You provide interesting details here in the prologue. She finds what she believes is the right house. Pins the note. I like her choice of name - Walter Clements because clement meant merciful in Latin. It is interesting Raymond - in one of my books here, a baby is also left on a doorstep - my story set in Jamaica - Sesuj of the Lost Tribe. I love your story so far and the prologue sets a good foundation for what is to come. I too use prologues in some of my books, although the authonomy literati appear to despise a prologue (I wonder how they would view an epilogue - since I've got that too in one! I'll probably be shot if they found out...)
Your Monte Cerini is wonderfully descriptive - like a drug - I can feel the sun!
Then your 1998 parallel - First Anniversary as we catch up with Ben - the writing in this segment is absolutely stunning, and I'm not just saying that because I have nothing else to say - besides, you've already backed Somnambulist so there is no incentive to say anything which is not the truth! I wonder why this has not been picked up yet Raymond. (I like Merit by the way, who finished his sentences and thought similar thoughts. There is great depth to your writing. You provide so many details and yet leave so much up to the reader's imagination.) You really must make this more visible on the site.
Then on to your chapter one:- another 1998 parallel and so full of tension some of these scenes. This has such a professional feel to it. I feel as if I am reading a "real" book! You are very good at characterisation, to say the least. I like Merit - she seems very real - gave me a little chuckle when I read that she hated waking up before the proper time had arrived; it always left her confused and irritable. Sounds very much like me! Raymond, this has been a real treat reading. I really shouldn't have read this because in all honesty, I now feel very inferior!!! Truly. You are a talented writer - which I am sure you know and I think it is simply a matter of time before your books are picked up and made available to the world. This has been a very nice sampling of this particular book and I intend to sample all the others you have posted. I wish I could read them all cover to cover and will relish doing so when I can turn real pages for a change. May the Universe conspire to find you a publisher very, very soon Raymond. Including the parallel ones.
Zan

Raymond, I'm here to return the read and report to you this is written brilliantly, and I back it without hesitation. Your narrative voice is strong and has an assuredness which instilled confidence in me as a reader. The second part of the prologue, which appears to be in second person, is absolutely brilliant, and that really sealed the deal for me. Brilliant use of sensory details, especially sound. I found your dialogue strong as well, and thus you have a good balance of strengths with which to tell your story. You obviously have knowledge in a number of fields, and use that to your advantage. The first chapter is written with nice authority, and part of the allure of a work like this--in much the same way a writer like Vonnegut captivates--is to see what lies around the corner.

I can't offer much in terms in nits, but I'll mention a few things.
1) The ellipse is generally written as three dots encapsulated by spaces. "I can't tell you ... what was said." It's slightly different if the ellipse comes at the end of a full sentence. The sentence is punctuated as normal, I understand it, and then the space and three dots are added.
2) The first part of your prologue, although strong in emotion, was slightly slower paced than the rest. And comparatively speaking, some of the descriptions lacked the detail of the writing which followed. " ... tree-lined street in Alexandria Virginia ... " comes to work (this description, although fine on its own, seems far less detailed that what you offer in the rest of the selection I read). That having been said, this scene still offers a great deal of emotional impact, so I'm probably nit-picking and maybe unnecessarily so.

You construct a captivating, well-written story (the premise is also excellent, by the way), and I look forward to reading more. Backed without an ounce of hesitation.

RPK, The Dunkirk Horror

I feel confident that this is a book which has to be read in its entirety before judged as successful or not. You are attempting something ambitious and I wonder whether you will have managed to juggle the three story elements, almost three genres, by the time you finish the last chapter. The last two paras of 1 are the most affecting, before then it's a little too remote for what the woman is suffering. The time switches are ok but require concentration. By 10 your dialogue is hampered, the text too, by too many uses of the christian name and sometimes surname also. If you re-read this chapter, you'll see it's over heavy with naming. I wish you well in this difficult enterprise and am certainly backing you.
Lara
Good For Him
Twice Twisted

It's the kind of book that makes you think in superlatives because it's so unexpected on a site like this. Masterpiece springs to mind. Why have you had to resort to Authonomy? Has the publishing world gone mad?
Hope it gets picked up. It'll be a loss to literature if it isn't. Backed with best wishes, Lynn

You are a very good writer. This is so well crafted and delivered. Professional is the word.

Backed with pleasure,

Barry

Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

J -

I haven't read much sci-fi in the last few years, but Walter Clements might just change all that.

Great characters and characterization, as well as a fast-moving and gripping plot. I definitely want to see how this story ends up.

Backed, happily.

Best of luck with Walter.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Very well written and a credit to you. The concept is excellent, very imaginative. And who says the government aren't hiding things from us?

After having read the whole book my praise is still the same. I liked everything in it. There is so much to admire and think about and the dusty niches of Latin from far back are thrust into the open light as well. (Let me see, Almi et Terrae in silva ambulant, lol). A delightful read throughout without any boring parts.

This prologue is beautifully written, heart-wrenching, and - most important - interesting. Great work!

The Second Coming of Walter Clements - is among the cream of the crop here. I hate it when there is no true qualification for a work. Science fiction doesn't even give a hint as to the content. Magic Realism-I don't know. And good work like this often falls through the cracks when those in charge of the gates find it too much trouble or too taxing on their imaginations to consider the quality rather than which pigeon hole it fits in. So good luck. Shelved

G
Einstein's Road Trip

Dear J., I love the historical paralleled with the future - what a lot of work you did! :) I am amazaed at the Bibliography! Thank you for all of your work to enlighten us. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

This is an impressive book, unique, imaginative and very well written.
Sci-fi often doesn’t engage me because I have found some to far-fetched – this is totally different it has a real feel a feeling of being grounded. As I said at the beginning a very impressive book – sure it will do well!

This is quite an imposing premise, and you handle it with a sophisticated writing style. Your use of repetition is effective, and you don't go overboard with it. The one criticism I would offer is in one paragraph in the prologue's backstory, almost every sentence starts with "she." That causes a lot of sameness in the sentence structure, so I'd suggest a rewrite. But that's just one paragraph. I'm happy to back this for you now, and I hope to come back and read more later.
Craig
The Job

SECOND COMING
This is an imaginative story: a great blend of fantasy and reality. At first I wondered if I could buy that an important physicist could disappear into an alternative world; but you pull it off and make it plausible. It’s more scholarly than most others here; the type of book you want to clear an afternoon to read so you can immerse yourself in it. When you’ve done that, you’re rewarded with a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

A great premise for a novel. I'm fascinated by his being recognized on the security tape. Your style has some parallels to my own novel, Clip. I agree with a number of the other reviewers, this is well written and fascinating. "Move your lazy ass or I'll have you whipped!" Okay Pomponius, I'll move back to my parallel universe. I've got a few more books to read. I'll be back, though, and read more. I'm glad you uploaded the complete text. Backed for now.

Skilfully written and masterfully told. The reader's attention is siezed from the start by the Prologue which is extraordinarily well written the story progressing with intrigue and numerous hooks and questions that grip the reader throughout. Your attention to detail and your authoritative style make the book a very satisfying, enjoyable and entertaining read, especially weaving the story around those glorious years of the Space Race and the Kennedy Administration. One of the best books on site, without a doubt. When this book is published you have a sale this side of the pond! Backed.
Laurence
The Cross of Goa

Impressive, intelligent, masterful writting. You skilfully transport the reader into this unknown world, which appears on the face of it to be similar to our own, with numerous, mind numbing questions. When some answers arrive during the progess of the story it makes for highly satisfying and enjoyable reading. Your book is stuffed with intrigue and, remembering those glorious years of the Kennedy Administration and the Space Race which bring back some great memories, you have brilliantly weaved your story into that incredible but ephemeral era. This is without doubt the best book I've read on the site. When this published you have a definate sale. Backed. Terrific stuff Mr. Dwyer. Congratulations.
Laurence
The Cross of Goa

I love realistic science fiction/thrillers, and this has an excellent underlying premise. It was gripping, fast-paced and engaging right from the start. You make great use of descriptions and dialogue, and it makes for a stunning read. More than anything, there is a realism to it. This is not just fiction, it's believable fiction, and that adds an extra spice to your work.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Dear Mr. Dwyer --

You segue with great ease from one parallel section to the next, which is a tremendous achievement. It's clear that you've thought a great deal about your characters because even though you are shuffling your reader through a number of events in this opening chapter, it's easy to keep track of everyone -- they are well-defined.
Your premise is fascinating, and you have begun well in living up to its appeal. Backed. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

I am fascinated by the idea of parallel universes and like how your imaginative book explores it. I was shocked to see Pinellas County mentioned. I grew up there! My grandmother and aunt still live in St. Pete. I go back once a year for the holidays. In a parallel universe, I am sure I still live there.
I haven't got very far and it seems like a complicated plot that will take a while to start to gel, but I backed it after the first chapter.

Good Luck!
Floridian at heart,
Christa

FANTASTIC!!!
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book
Could you also have a read (if you haven't done so) of 'Moonbeam Highway' by Tim Chambers, a wonderful book that at present sits on the Ed's desk.

Absolutely brilliant, could not put it down. It flows and plays and informs, a pleasure to read. It's all there, a wonderful concoction of history, social life, imagination, poetry, fluency of language and richness of settings. Above all, it makes sense. Boundaries are challenged within reason, and every person acts in character with their own plans and intentions while contributing effortlessly to the plot. This is the best book I have read on this site. On shelf.

The Second Coming of Walter Clements
J. Dwyer/ writing as Raymond Terry

Raymond,
Placed this on my shelf today but I think I backed all of your books some months ago - although this one seemed different somehow - not sure if I read it before or if you are using a new cover - anyway, wanted to support it as I like your distinct writing style. The idea of an alternate existence in a parallel universe of AD 98 intrigued me and so far I have read the pitches. I am so impressed by your storyline and I can't do justice to this book by reading a mere chapter so I wanted to back it for now if I hadn't already with a promise to return to read a substantial portion when I was able to make some good free time for myself. Unfortunately, the site as is at the moment does not encourage substantial reading if one is to keep that arrow green and I'm afraid the constant electronic reading have begun to give me intense headaches. However, I will come back and begin to read your chapters when life is less hectic. I am very impressed by your body of work uploaded on the site and I wish you the very best in your writing career and in finding publishers for all of your lovely books.
Zan

hi Raymond, intruiging cover, has gone straight to shelf. Now I have to read it.

Raymond
Just some thoughts from an unpublished author.
For me, this really kicks off from ‘Anniversary Day’ onwards. Exquisite scene painting, penned in a clear strong voice keeping the reader fixed on the plot at all times. Here we are inside the story, experiencing it through Ben’s pov and for me this plays out like a film in my head as I read. This is intelligent observational writing that is a sheer pleasure to read. I particularly enjoy Ben’s inner monologue, giving us insight into his character.
Right, I’m just starting Ch1 but had to post these notes and get your book onto my shelf. Just let me know if you’d like a more in depth review and I’ll make some more notes as I go along.
Very best wishes
David
Green Ore

Hi this is a really interesting plot and it is very nicely written, you create emotion very well in the opening with his mother and this is a hard thing to do. I got a little lost then between Ben and Walter but quickly caught on, one thing I would say is you introduce a lot of characters early on which can be confusing. This is a really good story and I hope it does well for you. It held my interest so its on my shelf.
Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Love the premise. The prologue seemed a bit stilted witht the repetition of "the woman", but over all I was drawn in by her circumstance. I would like to have felt more of her emotions. As a woman about to hand over her baby, she seemed rather stoic. Yes, she would need to be, but underlying that would be much grief. So I would like to see her struggle with her emotions and what she has to do.

I don't normally read sci-fi but I slipped into this easily. I like the beginning. Using "the woman' instead of her name piqued my interest. And those first opening lines are a huge hook. Well done.
It is nicely written, with a central theme that intirgues me. What a delight to have found this.
The only thing that I could note that I think held the story back was the "..." seemed to be more than usual for a novel.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor