JET!

I have completed your book and overall, it is a very good novel. I will start reading the second one soon. I didn't see very many grammar or spelling issues, however, I do see some inconsistencies that you may want to address.
1. You mention that in the museum, there are devices that are from centuries after Sirk's, but at the end, Earth is destroyed while Sirk and his friend's watch before they head back to Urf.
2. In the last chapter, you have Sirk picking up his friend's families while trying to avoid detection. Once they pick up John's family, they should be done and time to get out of Earth, but you have them trying to get to India for some reason. What is that reason? They had to destroy a squadron of Terrafighters to do so, but they just go into space once they get to India.
3. Working with MPs in the USAF, I know they wouldn't just let Sirk go if they had orders to arrest them. And they would not listen to some excuse that he was a civilian. They would just take him to where they were ordered to and officially release him to whoever ordered. But you seem to have Sirk just walking away from the MPs when he arrest him at his ship and take him to HQ building. You might want to address that somehow.
4. Not really an issue, but the British slang was a little hard to follow at times for us Americans, but Wikipedia did help with the terms.
Those first 3 areas that are not consistent with the story, so they should be address. I hope you take these comments as helpful because I REALLY did like your book. I wouldn't have read the whole thing unless I did.
On to Earth to Earth.

Finished through Chapter 7 and really do like your book. I will comment more later.

I have read through the first 3 chapters of your book and I am really enjoying it. Your chapters are very long, but well worth the read. So far, the only issue I found is in the very first chapter near the beginning of the book. There seems to be a pretty big jump from when Sirk is thinking about his wife and how other would do anything to be in his shoes and all of a sudden both are at his work ready to see him off. I didn't see how they got there.

JET. Sounds like you have a classic sci-fi tale here - from the pitches. I dont normally read this genre, but this site has broadened my mind considerably.
I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. Do you want nits? It reads as if his left eye was walking home, as well as throbbing. That's a dramatic opening, but wouldnt the fight have more immediacy if told from completely inside Al's head? You could then eliminate the pluperfect tense, with those cumbersome 'had's.
And you have four 'swiftly's in the first paragraph!

But that's enough of nits, while I settle down to enjoy the read. - Oh, first let me say that editors nowadays abhor the use of exclamation marks, referring to them as screamers.

I know the speeches lasted an eternity, but that's a mighty long paragraph was Sirk waits to embark.
Alot of the male banter is way over my head.
But I like that bit about a dark lacy curtain drawing down his eyelids.

Ch.2. Sirk sure likes to use the word bollocks.
Then I am being bumped and tossed around as he lands on the far side of the universe, with a damaged spacecraft.

Ch.3. When you eliminate the exclamation marks, your story will stop screaming at me!
I think you might have too many 'now's and 'know's.
Clever plotting, bringing Sirk back into our present territory. Not so familiar, though.
Perhaps you could break up that paragraph where his sleep is disturbed?
I'll leave him now, up the tree and safe from the giant beetles - he thinks?

Thankyou for the entertaining read - and again for your support of mine.

Jane (Breath of Africa).

JET
This is an interesting story. I like the way you begin this by showing Sirk, although he’s a space pilot, is also a very average guy or at least gets into fights and ends up with black eyes just like everyone else. I also like the way include a lot of technical information in this – gave me a sense this was really happening. At the same time you know to keep descriptions down to the point they don’t bog down your story. Well done. If I had a criticism it would be with Captain Sirk’s name. It struck me so close to Captain Kirk’s I wondered at the beginning if this was going to be a parody of Star Trek. Either way, this is a good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttogeawriter: Who Killed the President.

I read the first chapter of your book and like it very much. I will probably read all of it soon.

One area at the beginning of your book that was a little confusing is where you say, "give their eyeteeth to be in his shoes! The intercom buzzed".
It seems like your character should still be at home at this point, but then you talk about another place (Brigadier Tranter's office).
How did Sirk and Cita get to outside the office when he was last going to make coffee in the kitchen?

Hi SciFi_guy.
Thanks for reading JET!, I'm so glad you're enjoying it, and I know you'll love the rest of it, many have said it's like a mixture The Lord of the Rings, and The Temple of Doom rolled forward into the 34th century. I was very pleased with those comments, as I don't consider myself to be anywhere near as good as Tolkein.

You seem to have cut off your comment at the begginging of another sentence i.e. "The intercom buzzed", so I'm not quite sure what you mean. Sirk went to make a coffee 29 lines before "The itercom buzzed", so I'm not sure in what context your comment lies. Anyhow, thankyou for your kind comments, and I hope you enjoy the rest of JET!
Take care,
Phil P [philp4002]

I read the first chapter of your book and like it very much. I will probably read all of it soon.

One area at the beginning of your book that was a little confusing is where you say, "give their eyeteeth to be in his shoes! The intercom buzzed".
It seems like your character should still be at home at this point, but then you talk about another place (Brigadier Tranter's office).
How did Sirk and Cita get to outside the office when he was last going to make coffee in the kitchen?

Hi Dave,
Firstly, I started the book slow deliberately, when you read the other 2 in the trilgoy you will see why.
Secondly, yeah, good point, but what goes around comes around, I hear words today that were used 50 years ago when I was young [although that was about 2 centuries ago - I think!], and apart from that I wanted to keep it in a mode that readers could identfity with.

I'm looking forward to reading one of your books soon, as horror is something i've always shied away from, I've always left it to the experts, as I'm afraid I'll write a bummer! Good luck also with your projects, I hope you have great success.

I'm not a big fan of Space Opera, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Two things I noticed right away:

For being in the 34th century, the characters, dialogue and situations described don't seem that far from the 20th century. Think about it. This is supposed to be taking place 1,300 years into the future, yet one character is an American Air Force Colonel and other such references. Look at how different Earth was 1,300 years ago, in 800 AD. How could you make the 34th Century appear equally as different from today?

This is an action-adventure story, which requires a rapid pace from one dangerous situation to another. I suggest you consider actully starting your story at Chapter 3, and salt in the necessary info from chapters 1 and 2 here and there later in the book as needed. I thought your first chapter was a bit long-winded and contained more background information than is necessary. Start where the action starts and keep it moving forward.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you. God luck on your project.

6 stars from me

Very enjoyable and entertaining read.

Phil,
Good opening chapter. I was a little disoriented by the fight scene since I hadn't been introduced to any of the characters yet, but it was well written. It's been years since I've read sci-fi so ignore any comments you don't like. I found your writing flowed well and you did a great job in revealing your characters through dialogue. Plot seemed perfect for the category and on track. These are a few things I caught, although I'm not a grammarian.
1. 'he may never return', should be 'he might never return'
2. 'which comprised of a load', should be 'comprised of a load'
3. 'eyes bulged and threatened to pop out of their sockets', seemed hyperbole and cliched to me
4. The long sequence after they reach Hydrus where he goes check, check, etc. reminded me of the early space movies. Might tighten this to just have him arrive and then take off while complaining that the computer doesn't sound like Marilyn.
Keeping you on my watchlist and have ranked you high.
Good luck in your writing,
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen

Hi Janet,

What you say in your appraisal is largely correct, "He may never return", you can use either, at least you could when I went to school, but that was nearly 60 years ago ha ha! "Which comprised of a load", you can't continue after a comma without using an adverb to carry the remainder of the sentence, as far as I know.
"Eyes bulged and threatened to pop out of their sockets", yes. I accept that, but as we all use cliches I thought I'd try and get away with it - lol!
The long sequence you refer to as "Old movie", yeah, it is, but it's also something that will be done in real life lift-offs as long as men/women fly to other planets, so I thought it best to put it in. I could be wrong, I know that because I've been wrong before!

Anyhow, Im glad you enjoyed reading JET!, so all that remains is to thank you for your kind words and support, and also, that I'm doing another re-write on JET!, so I will certainly be looking at your critique, and will adjust as necessary. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you, all you have to do is ask, and I will be pleased to help.

Take care,
Phil P.

Phil,
Good opening chapter. I was a little disoriented by the fight scene since I hadn't been introduced to any of the characters yet, but it was well written. It's been years since I've read sci-fi so ignore any comments you don't like. I found your writing flowed well and you did a great job in revealing your characters through dialogue. Plot seemed perfect for the category and on track. These are a few things I caught, although I'm not a grammarian.
1. 'he may never return', should be 'he might never return'
2. 'which comprised of a load', should be 'comprised of a load'
3. 'eyes bulged and threatened to pop out of their sockets', seemed hyperbole and cliched to me
4. The long sequence after they reach Hydrus where he goes check, check, etc. reminded me of the early space movies. Might tighten this to just have him arrive and then take off while complaining that the computer doesn't sound like Marilyn.
Keeping you on my watchlist and have ranked you high.
Good luck in your writing,
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen

Fantastic read, I love Sci-fi and this fits the bill perfectly.

The story is engrossing and the characters likeable. This book is going to do very, very well here.

5***** added and backed

Jimmy Threepwood and the Veil of Darkness

Excellent story. Well written dialogue.I noticed that you have the same uploading problem that I had where the font is two different sizes. This is easily correctable. I added this to my watchlist because I can see this book doing very, very well. you write like a seasoned pro. You have the gift of being a storyteller, which all writers aren't blessed with. This book is going to do excellent here on Authonomy.

Thankyou for your great comments David, they are really welcome news. I've started reading yours, and as my Mum has had to go back into hospital again I will be able to get a lot more reading done on yours. I like the way you've put the story together from the outset, and the characters are brilliant! I expect this book to make the HarperCollins review in a very short space of time, and publication will automatically follow!

I tried putting your book an my watch list but for some reason it wouldn't happen, do you know how this can be done David? I would love to put your book on my watch list.

Excellent story. Well written dialogue.I noticed that you have the same uploading problem that I had where the font is two different sizes. This is easily correctable. I added this to my watchlist because I can see this book doing very, very well. you write like a seasoned pro. You have the gift of being a storyteller, which all writers aren't blessed with. This book is going to do excellent here on Authonomy.

JET!

A new book upload by a brand new author on this site—I’m excited to be the first to comment (and welcome! :-). Form your pitch, your book sounded very intriguing. I love sci-fi, so I thought I’d have a look.

You pull us right in and with that exciting little brawl in the club in your opening scene, and I can tell right away that your book is going to be exciting and action-packed. I like the unusual names you’ve picked for your characters. Sirk and Cita seem to have an interesting relationship—pretty volatile, it seems, from the dialogue between them. Cita seems really hard-core.

I usually like to give a few suggestions when I can—I hope you find these helpful. I noticed that you use a lot of adverbs, and I think if you trimmed out some of them or expanded to “show” instead of “telling” us that someone apologized sincerely, for example (the dialogue itself seems to convey most of those emotions without needing an additional descriptor), it might help your prose flow a little more smoothly. I also wondered in particular what Cita looked like. Your main character kept talking about how beautiful she was, and I wanted to know what he saw that made her so beautiful to him and others. It’s totally up to you, though.

I think you have an interesting premise, and very interesting characters all around. Good luck with your project!

Best,
Sarah E.S.
Destiny of Species