Book Jacket

 

rank 1623
word count 49863
date submitted 10.02.2012
date updated 18.06.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Romance, Fantasy,...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Trinity Divided

G.M. Stroll

Orchid, a fallen angel, unwittingly foils an apocalypse by retracing her mortal lives as a fairy and human. All it took was falling in love.

 

As a fallen angel, Orchid walks a fine line between good and evil. The intensity of her cheesy sense of humour is rivalled solely by her chaotic spirit. It’s only when one of her orphan wards is slain by the demonic oppressors of Earth that she chooses to take up arms. Orchid’s quasi superhero transition is the catalyst for her trans-reality journey exploring the very nature of fate. She falls prey to a devious plot that can only be solved at her origins.

Tracking back to her mortal life, Orchid was a fairy in an alternative reality; hidden beyond the dimension of time. There, as a slave to royalty, she manages to find love with a displaced human even though they never get to speak to one another. She comes to Earth in the hopes of finding him again, knowing that her memories wouldn’t persist through her soul’s transference.

On Earth, she rises against all odds to become an iconic singer. All three lives come together to form an intertwined destiny. Whether she’s a fallen angel, a fairy, or a human, one thing remains certain: Orchid’s actions will leave their mark on not one, but two realities.

 
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tags

angels, apocalypse, contemporary fantasy, demons, fairies, metaphysics

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The Fallen: Chapter 8 - Two Worlds At War

    The research complex was under assault and the scientists were abandoning their posts. Demonic guards of all kinds rushed around in a panic as orders were shouted at them. The angels had come in force, and the demonic facility was wildly unprepared for the sizeable army before them. The demons were armed with military grade human technology, and of course their magic. The battle raged outside while Orchid lay quietly strapped down to her hospital bed. The induced images were fading and she was slowly growing aware of her surroundings.

    “Are you there Clarisse? Anyone?” Orchid struggled with her bonds but her drug laced body couldn’t put any force behind the attempt. Tears flowed along her cheeks from the confusion that her situation merited. She hadn’t felt this mortal, this vulnerable, in longer than she could remember.

    Waves of magical energy bombarded the area in an attempt to break down the wards which protected the complex. Orchid could feel the essence of celestial magic resonate deep inside of her bones. Something terrible was going on out there.

    The wards barring entry to the lab fell after a few full minutes of being overloaded. There was a sudden flash of mystical runes, replaced almost immediately by a person. It wasn’t just any person; it was Rael. His entrance was followed by one massive collision after another. Jelaste burst through the wall in a furious charge that sent splinters of concrete flying. Orchid didn’t recognize him, but she recognized the armour and giant sword he wielded. He numbered among the few Sentinels in the celestial army.

    “Flee for your pathetic life demon! The girl will offer you nothing else!” The sword he held burst into divine flames, a bright white that singed at the conviction and emotions of those in the room. The presence of an impassioned Sentinel was awe inspiring in both the minds and hearts of those who witnessed it.

    Rael took out the leather pouch from his jacket. In the other hand he held a small charm that looked like a petrified eyeball. Jelaste waited, expecting a weapon of some sort. He felt that waiting to see what surprise was coming would play to his advantage, rather than acting rashly. In that time Rael emptied the pouch of crushed blue rock onto the eyeball. A faint chant emanated from his lips, rustling through the room… and suddenly… his form shifted and grew.

    Standing now eight feet tall as a veritable wall of sinuous muscled demon, Rael beckoned Jelaste forward with a massive clawed hand. “You’ll not touch the girl while I still breathe.”

    Orchid tried to scream and fight against her bonds but was far too drained. She didn’t know what this was all about... on one hand there was the man she was falling for and on the other a Sentinel, one that she assumed to know as well. A ferocious craving for freedom glazed over her eyes and her clawed hands tried to pry their way free... pulling, yearning… but the bonds wouldn’t break. They were going to fight to the death and she couldn’t stop them. Enough! She thought she said the word, but her mind was so foggy that it never actually escaped her lips.

    Rael lunged forward and swung furiously, once, twice, thrice… but Jelaste was light on his feet, ducking and rolling around the blows. He found himself at Rael’s back within a few seconds of combat and slashed deep from Rael’s shoulder to his tailbone. The hulking demonic Rael lurched forward and spun, letting out a roar that shook the room. Both fighters squared off again for another round.

    This time Rael took a new approach, while remaining the aggressor. He breathed out a cone of fire which splashed up against all kinds of flammable chemicals in the room. Jelaste, who was caught in the blast, yelled a war-cry and plunged headlong into the fray. “The weight of conscience will prevail!” Through the blaze, Jelaste plunged his sword deep into Rael’s chest with flecks of blood spurting out. Orchid’s cheek was no exception, splashed with a line of sanguine spatter.

    The rage grew inside her as Rael fell limp. In one triumphant moment, Orchid tore herself free from the bindings that constrained her. She released a feral growl that caught Jelaste off guard. “Are you alright Orchid? I’m here to save you.”

    She dragged herself a few paces forward with all her weight bearing on her one good leg. The air snapped with the violent tone in her words. “Save me from what? There’s no pretending I have a clue what’s going on... but that demon over by your feet? He was my man.” A flash of cold, heartless consideration swept over her vivacious red eyes. “Contrition demands you take your own life or I’ll do it for you.”

    There is still the Sentinel’s call in her; she’s still redeemable. Jelaste thought even while raising his blade in defence. “He’s a demon Orchid. Don’t you recognize me? It’s Jelaste, I taught you the ways of angels, the ways of war…”

    Orchid stopped him there using words that teemed with venom and hate. “Let’s hope you taught me well then.” One hand rested on a cart containing medical tools for support, while she held the other up in a martial pose. Unarmed she knew there wasn’t much hope; Rael knew it too and with his dying breaths he conjured a blade of hand-and-a-half-length, formed purely out of Orchid’s ire. The blade expanded within Orchid’s grasp as though it spawned from her grip. Rael’s eyes closed and with a last gasp for air he left them both with a few choice words. “Duplicity clouds us into fighting.”

    The warning didn’t register; she was already lost to rage. Orchid sprung forward off her one good leg with a speed only matched by the intensity of her feelings. The blade forged out of pure emotion came down in an arc and then crosswise leaving two craterous wounds along Jelaste’s chest. He seemed stunned that Orchid actually went through with it; the surprise faded along with the light in his eyes, he died alongside Rael. The instrument of death in her hands dissipated as quickly as it had formed.

    Orchid stopped to think about what had just happened. Why would Rael give me a means to fight if he felt they were part of some game? Did he want to be avenged in spite of that? And Jelaste… if he was prepared to fight then why didn’t he defend himself? What were they both seeing that I didn’t? She continued to ruminate on it for the brief time it took her to become aware of the alarms blaring through the complex. First I need to escape; worry about the ramifications later, Orchid. She told herself.

    Quickly, Orchid did a search of the room. She wanted her weapons and something to wear other than the hospital gown she was clothed in. There was a locked cage at the far end of the room which contained storage lockers. She took a chance, and tore apart the cage door after a near crawl there. Inside one of the assorted lockers were her clothes. The bracers, with chains and blades were laid down, coiled inside of a box at the bottom. Getting dressed proved to be a challenge with her festering leg wound, but she was managing. Meanwhile, the sounds of battle outside weren’t dying down.

    She hobbled along back to the main area of the lab she was kept in, over to Rael’s body. “I never properly thanked you for the gifts you gave me. Everything tasted great: The meat, the sky… and now, your lips.” Kneeling, she took a quick kiss from the lifeless demon she saw a future with, however warped it might have been.

    Standing at the gaping holes in the wall she found herself staring down at an island. From what Orchid approximated it was the seventh floor of what once was a prison. Angels and demons were fighting all across the small island; to what end she didn’t quite know.

    A celestial landed on the ledge of the broken wall alongside Orchid. Her long blonde locks covered part of her face and were quickly brushed back. The sheen off her breastplate was blinding but didn’t obscure the only image embossed on it. One angel standing over a darker etched one. She sheathed both of her short swords speaking in an enthusiastic tone. “Is it really you?! After all this time... nobody knew what had become of you until the visions came… I… There’s so much that needs saying... but not here!”

    Orchid pursed her lips nervously and took one look down, knowing that she’d never survive the trip on her own. Their gazes met and Orchid perceived a soul so familiar contained within a world of conflict. There was love inside along with guilt. “Colour me crazy but there’s something about you that I just can’t put my finger on…” Orchid spoke while running her index finger along the image on the woman’s breastplate.

    Bearing a somewhat shameful look she waited for Orchid to finish. “I’m Evalle. A long time ago we were close friends, and we had a falling out... umm... If you don’t mind, I think it’s time we left this place. Where is Jelaste?”

    “Jelaste… He claimed to be a teacher of mine. The short version is he won’t be joining us.” She considered the name again a few times and wondered if she had made some kind of huge mistake in exacting vengeance upon his person. She gestured to the bodies on the floor in the room just beyond. Evalle stared to Orchid with considering eyes and understood, at least in part.

    Orchid wrapped her arms around Evalle’s waist and they took off. Mid-flight, the celestial woman threw out a green stone, which exploded like fireworks not far off. A flash in Orchid’s memory broke through the barriers that had been formed around them when she fell from grace. It was a device for a commanding officer to call retreat. As quickly as she had been captured Orchid was whisked off to the celestial realm; in part for questioning, and in part for recovery.

Chapters

10

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DerekTobin wrote 467 days ago

Hi Greg
I really enjoyed this - nice premise and I'm already onboard with Orchid as a character I could come along for the ride with in a book. The writing is tight and no clunky sections slowing the pace. I would say though - certain words in dialogue scanned off for me purely because she was talking to a young girl e.g "they adhered to the tenets of..." this sounded more like a lecturer addressing a class than talking to a little girl? Maybe it just reflects Orchid's character? If not it's an easy fix anyway. I have starred and added to my watchlist for more and will comment again as I read. Good luck with it Greg - think you might have a winner here.
Derek
The Angel Chord

Julio Guzman wrote 467 days ago

Hi Greg,

Let me start out with the unique format of your novel. I think the "story within a story" idea is genius and something I would only expect to see in a feature film. It took me awhile at the beginning to get used to your way of talking but once I hit chapter one, I was hooked! The tale is definitely mind twisting and ominous. Your characters are well developed and even though you limit their physical descriptions to a minimum, their dialogue helps the reader to picture them clearly. Every scene is broken down easily, they read fast which makes the reader want to keep turning pages (metaphorically speaking.) Your talent for storytelling is far from mediocre and deserves more backers!

Six stars from me!

lorgin_2003 wrote 467 days ago

I"ve been reading this one for a while,and the characters really draw you into the story. Each one is a fleshed out individual, with their own spark of life to them. The way they're described and the way they behave really helps you imagine how they look and how they sound, and it gives you a very clear mental view of how each scene is unfolding. Which, in turn, really makes you begin to care about what happens to each one of them.

The story itself flows very quickly, which makes it a bit hard to put down, Everything that happens is something that's relevant to the plot, either by setting something up or by playing it out. Even if it a piece may not seem like it at the time, it becomes relevant a little further down the line. Which adds a few layers, and gives it a reread value.

Overall, I'm very impressed by everything I've read so far, and am enjoying the story thoroughly.

stearn37 wrote 361 days ago

Absolutely superb piece of writing. Fantastic.
John Stearn
Author of Derilium

Rebecca Tester wrote 392 days ago

First off, I think allowing dialogue only to illuminate characters in the beginning is a really cool idea and would only backfire is mystery appendages and other changes to physique appear later in the narrative (tends to jar readers). Orchid's dialogue is spicy, and she readily comes off as self-assured and a bit narcissistic. I picture her flipping her hair and sauntering around with grand hand gestures and sexy over-the-shoulder glances.

Biggest obstacles for me were the format, typos, off-parts of the dialogue and the lump-o-backstory.

The format is easily enough cleared on your end. The fonts don't match and show up enormous on my screen (or too small is I change the size on this end). You may want to pull some Ctrl-As and make your fonts uniform, then re-upload it. I think the few typos will also be easier to spot is you can see more on the screen.

The lump didn't really bother me so much, mostly because of Orchid's theatrics. However, her turn of phrase did. How old is Clarisse? The mannerisms speak of one age, but Orchid's vocabulary would indicate a much older child. Hand this out to a few more parents with children of similar age to Clarisse and see what they say. She's quite candid about sex and uses some big words and phrases not typically used in everyday speech (like the 'adhered to the tenets' line).

Overall, highly imerssive and humorous :D

Isabel Parkinson wrote 410 days ago

This is great, Greg. The format is unusual but well-executed and it makes your book stand out as more unique. I also liked the way you used different fonts for each different viewpoint.
Orchid is an excellent character. She seems to be strong-willed and intelligent and I like a protagonist like that.
I understand why your introduction needed to be long - in a fantasy world, it's important that the scene is set before the story begins. I enjoy this type of genre so the prologue was a pleasure to read, but pickier readers might criticise you for having too much of an 'info-dump'.
I'm going to back this when I get the time, so have some stars for now and I'll put you on my bookshelf soon.
Hope to see this do well,
Isabel.

KoriBates wrote 410 days ago

I've read through chapter 3 and I have to say I love it. The way you've depicted Orchid is something I haven't seen a lot. You tell us about her, but we're able to form her in our own minds without any direct details. That's what I really like about this. High stars from me and I will come back to read more when I can.

@cparkie wrote 415 days ago

Hi Greg.

I've read the prologue and the first chapter with a view to giving some initial feedback.

Firstly I find the storyline a most intriguing one. Your pitch is well measured and likely to draw many people in. The prologue sets the scene nicely for the reader. The idea of an apocalyptic collision between heaven and hell causing a compromising world to develop is fantastic, but easy to imagine metaphysically.

The use of the word "Chivalry" is an odd choice as its meaning is linked with knights (from French Chevaler, mounted knight) and you apply it to the humans perception of angels. This seems contradictory, but then I am an etymological pedant sometimes!

The voice of Orchid is quite intelligent. In fact it is very bookish at times. Her speech during the prologue isn't particularly engaging. I think it is more of a monologue than a conversation that she has with Clarisse.

I enjoyed venturing into the world that you created with the aim of producing some feedback for you. It is not my type of book but I can certainly recognise how the plot will develop.

The feedback that I have given is, after all, only my opinion. I hope that it is of some use.

Craig

CarolinaAl wrote 436 days ago

I read your prologue and first four chapters for the March Madness bracket contest. Today I reread your prologue and first two chapters more closely, looking for grammar and punctuation issues.

General comments: "Trinity Divided" is an imaginative, multi-layered fantasy with a fiesty, witty central character. Twists abound. Excellent world building. Needs some editing to improve the pacing which should also help increase the story tension.

Specific comments on the prologue:
1) Considerable telling. For example, 'glaring expectantly,' indignant manner,' and 'paused dramatically.'
2) Clever wit. Orchid's sense of humor comes through nicely. I particularly liked 'the demons proposed sexchange students.'
3) A fair amount of backstory (in dialogue).
4) The demons were the ones humans 'lovingly' labelled as monstrosities. Put an opening quote mark in front of 'The.' When continuous dialogue runs into paragraphs, the first word of each dialogue paragraph is preceded with an opening quote mark. There are more cases of this type of problem.
5) "Have you ever won the lottery Clarisse?" Comma after 'lottery.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone, but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
6) 'There was something about Orchid's manner that kept her engaged.' This reads (to me) as though it's written from Clarisse's point of view. Since the rest of the scene is written from Orchid's point of view, this brief switch to Clarisse's point of view seems out of place.
7) " ... and most of the city I live in has been burned." Orchid added ... Comma after 'burned.' 'Orchid added' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).
8) " ... and find a snug milk crate to sit on." She said sarcastically. Comma after 'on' and 'She' should be lowercase. 'She said sarcastically' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation) and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it's a person's name).
9) Capitalize 'internet.'
10) ' ... picked off the corpse of one of his men that died earlier that day.' 'That' should be 'who.'

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) Effective descriptions. Orchid's character is further developed.
2) 'At 14 years old, Luther was given responsibilities in ... ' Spell out numbers 1-99.
3) "What can you do, oh tasty one?" The Suvardi on the left said to Luther, ... 'The' should be lowercase. 'The Suvardi said' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it's a person's name).
4) "So that's what you were up to Orchid?" Comma after 'to.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
5) Defiantly and with my hands on my hips I replied. "Was it worth it?" Comma after 'replied.' 'I replied' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag precedes dialogue, the dialogue tag is punctuated with a comma.
6) 'It's time this 'orchid' grew some thorns.' I love this line. Simple. Direct. Powerful.
7) "I promise I'll sleep real good Miss Orchid; with extra sheep counted." Clarisse replied. Comma after 'good.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. Also, comma after 'counted.' 'Clarisse replied' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) Not a lot of tension. More telling. For example, 'The way he spoke in third person grated on my nerves' or 'I hated when he called me that.'
2) ' ... like something out of a catholic school.' Capitalize 'catholic.'
3) Hyphenate 'well kept.'
4) "Not this time dear." Comma after 'time.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
5) "She has red hair and eyes, maybe 5'5; goes by the name Orchid." Spell out numbers 1-99. Also, spell out '.
6) "But I like to think I have a fairly open mind ... " Consider replacing the ellipsis ( ... ) with an em-dash. Use an ellipsis for hesitation. Use an em-dash for interruption. Since Orchid is interrupted by the guard, an em-dash is appropriate.
7) "I think this is our girl." The one with the transmitter reluctantly ceded ... Comma after 'girl' and 'The' should be lowercase. 'The one ceded' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation) and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Have a marvelous day, Greg.

Al

Greenleaf wrote 437 days ago

Hi Greg,
I've read the prologue and first four chapters so far. I'm really enjoying this book. I like the way you're telling the story by having Orchid tell her story to a child. You give great descriptions and detail that let the reader really see this unique world. Well-written, with likable characters and good action. I'll keep reading. Highly starred.
Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

doubledee wrote 462 days ago

I am really liking this, Greg. You have a great 'voice' in Orchid ...

Reading on ...

:) Michelle

T J Pallett wrote 464 days ago

Chapter one
'It promptly tore a disturbing amount of flesh out, gleefully eyed.' - Do you mean gleefully eyed by the demons?

You have a nice tongue in cheek style that makes this a fun read.

T J Pallett wrote 464 days ago

Prologue
'snug milk crate to sit on." She said sarcastically. - Might read better with a comma instead of a fullstop. 'crate to sit on," she said sarcastically.
'It was through barter I'd been able to procure demon majic' - Might read better as 'Through bartering I'd been able to procure demon majic'

This is snappy, amusing, very readable stuff. I can see it gaining popularity quickly!

DerekTobin wrote 467 days ago

Hi Greg
I really enjoyed this - nice premise and I'm already onboard with Orchid as a character I could come along for the ride with in a book. The writing is tight and no clunky sections slowing the pace. I would say though - certain words in dialogue scanned off for me purely because she was talking to a young girl e.g "they adhered to the tenets of..." this sounded more like a lecturer addressing a class than talking to a little girl? Maybe it just reflects Orchid's character? If not it's an easy fix anyway. I have starred and added to my watchlist for more and will comment again as I read. Good luck with it Greg - think you might have a winner here.
Derek
The Angel Chord

Julio Guzman wrote 467 days ago

Hi Greg,

Let me start out with the unique format of your novel. I think the "story within a story" idea is genius and something I would only expect to see in a feature film. It took me awhile at the beginning to get used to your way of talking but once I hit chapter one, I was hooked! The tale is definitely mind twisting and ominous. Your characters are well developed and even though you limit their physical descriptions to a minimum, their dialogue helps the reader to picture them clearly. Every scene is broken down easily, they read fast which makes the reader want to keep turning pages (metaphorically speaking.) Your talent for storytelling is far from mediocre and deserves more backers!

Six stars from me!

lorgin_2003 wrote 467 days ago

I"ve been reading this one for a while,and the characters really draw you into the story. Each one is a fleshed out individual, with their own spark of life to them. The way they're described and the way they behave really helps you imagine how they look and how they sound, and it gives you a very clear mental view of how each scene is unfolding. Which, in turn, really makes you begin to care about what happens to each one of them.

The story itself flows very quickly, which makes it a bit hard to put down, Everything that happens is something that's relevant to the plot, either by setting something up or by playing it out. Even if it a piece may not seem like it at the time, it becomes relevant a little further down the line. Which adds a few layers, and gives it a reread value.

Overall, I'm very impressed by everything I've read so far, and am enjoying the story thoroughly.

Warrick Mayes wrote 468 days ago

Greg,

I skipped "1" and went straight to "2" which was the prologue.
Having been teased by a rather spiky and intriguig intro I carried on into "3", or Chapter 1.

You have chosen a clever way of telling the story by having the fallen angel tell the child Clarisse.

Although a bit spiky in places it was well paced and rather enjoyable, I could easily have read more if time allowed.

Best regards
Warrick

Dan Elbling wrote 468 days ago

Trinity divided is a multi-leveled story of intrigue, deception and love. The descriptions are vivid and the story is captivating. A great read.

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