Book Jacket

 

rank 1632
word count 49863
date submitted 10.02.2012
date updated 18.06.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Romance, Fantasy,...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Trinity Divided

G.M. Stroll

Orchid, a fallen angel, unwittingly foils an apocalypse by retracing her mortal lives as a fairy and human. All it took was falling in love.

 

As a fallen angel, Orchid walks a fine line between good and evil. The intensity of her cheesy sense of humour is rivalled solely by her chaotic spirit. It’s only when one of her orphan wards is slain by the demonic oppressors of Earth that she chooses to take up arms. Orchid’s quasi superhero transition is the catalyst for her trans-reality journey exploring the very nature of fate. She falls prey to a devious plot that can only be solved at her origins.

Tracking back to her mortal life, Orchid was a fairy in an alternative reality; hidden beyond the dimension of time. There, as a slave to royalty, she manages to find love with a displaced human even though they never get to speak to one another. She comes to Earth in the hopes of finding him again, knowing that her memories wouldn’t persist through her soul’s transference.

On Earth, she rises against all odds to become an iconic singer. All three lives come together to form an intertwined destiny. Whether she’s a fallen angel, a fairy, or a human, one thing remains certain: Orchid’s actions will leave their mark on not one, but two realities.

 
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tags

angels, apocalypse, contemporary fantasy, demons, fairies, metaphysics

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Chapters

16

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The Fallen: Chapter 14 - Portents and Destiny

Kreesan had set the stage for his plan to see fruition. There was only ‘actor’ who wasn’t enlisted yet; a specific demon that Kreesan required. After bartering such precious information to the demons, the way into the celestial realms, his target had no choice but to agree. The Fallen would soon get her visions, and the only being with a hope of foiling the grand unification would soon be dead. It was marvellous just how smoothly everything was proceeding. Kreesan mused to himself.

    Tension rolled off Wendall's presence in near tangible waves. He was becoming too aware, too fast. Not that this was a problem. He and everyone else all shared the same goal, though almost none of them realized it. They weren’t the same person of course… but Kreesan had felt the connection too. He knew, and understood it for what it really was. We all share the same soul, and that soul had only one purpose, one interest.

    With the angels and demons out of the way, there would be only one conscious guiding force, and that would be humanity's. They would be free to create a world, one ideal to their unified living. Though this wasn’t it, there would be time to recover, time to re-create. Those who were aware of this would benefit wholly, while those who weren’t would serve to make the world worthwhile for all. The walls were breaking down though; more and more people were awakening and Kreesan could sense them all. People had been more spiritual in the past, and the world hit a great metaphysical lull where the vast majority had sealed off those parts of themselves. After the apocalypse, reality had little to no bearing on the world that people now know, and they had to rediscover it from the inside out. 

    Wendall watched Orchid’s every move from her new 'home'. The internal struggle was evident, but there was no way that he could resist telling Kreesan what he saw and knew. One of the lives connected to their souls was helping manipulate the outcome of things. Such raw power. Kreesan thought. One life is going to make their shared dream a reality.

    *****

    The reunion between Orchid and Grace was well received. She had forgotten entirely about the orphaned girl she had saved from the fire. The reminder sent a sting to her heart with each passing word shared, but there was a sense of relief that she, at least, made it to the resistance unscathed. Orchid clutched her 'tooth fairy' necklace, absentmindedly, as they spoke. The charm was one of her only real ties to the life she lived not so long ago.

Grace showed her a new dance that she had invented; taking Orchid through the steps one by one. It was something right out of a cartoon, and was all together far too silly; kind of a cross between a robot dance, and the hokey pokey. There was a certain magic to it, the kind of magic Orchid only knew through the eyes of a child. She stopped to wonder why children playing had that kind of impact on her; they always had. In times like these, she wished that she could remember her own mortal childhood. With a ceremonial pinch on the cheek, she sent Grace off to go eat, but in truth she wanted some time alone.

    Orchid had decided to spend the remainder of the day drunk. The last of the whisky, plus a little bit of the fierce concoction Wendall was toting, would tide her over until nightfall. She had taken the parting between herself and Evalle harder than originally anticipated. Something about it felt like 'forever', even though the argument they had wasn’t severe enough to warrant it. The last time they split paths it took many years before they saw one another again. Would it be awkward? Would they still like each other? These were some of the questions on Orchid’s mind. That foolish girl had to fall in love. Why me anyway? By the time I even get a chance to ask her, I’ll have forgotten the question. If only we had spent more time talking things through, then maybe… whatever. She stared out across the open waterfront in silence, while the resistance soldiers trained Orchid’s recruits.

    Wendall was trying to pinpoint the location of the shamanistic cult outside of town. Orchid had tried herself, with the energy web technique she had used to find Wendall, but her magic was barred from passing that far. She suspected that perhaps it was the shamans themselves who had stopped her from scrying on them. A ritual had to be performed before Wendall's gifts could manifest, and would take a lot longer than simply extending light. He didn’t have the same kind of mastery as Kreesan did, and never learned how to pierce metaphysical barriers. He was stepping into the endeavour blindly, and at best could only intuit each step.

    Wendall extended his mindscape to the edge of town, guided by gut instinct, but all he found there was himself, many times over. The longer he scanned, the more disturbing it became. Everywhere he looked, the only person present was him; sometimes several copies.

    Just when he was about to give up, a cat crossed his remotely viewing sight. Unlike all the other 'beings' he saw, this lone stray cat didn’t feel like a mirror, a reflection of himself. He watched it for a while, grooming itself. Suddenly it perked up, staring back at the space Wendall metaphysically occupied. Wendall’s vision blurred, and all he could think about were the words intoned “Mom? Is that you?” As reality invaded his senses again, he was nothing short of shaken. Wendall figured he was going insane; there was no other logical explanation for thinking the cat could penetrate his mind. It was going to be a long day, especially since Orchid had taken the rest of his booze.

    *****

    The library was one of the most decadent wings in the grand celestial halls. The texts were old, mostly documenting the history of the angelic and human realms. There was very little literature on the lives of demons, mostly since angels and demons had kept their distance since the wars of ancient times. They both considered themselves distinct from humans, since their existence long predated the species, but that wasn’t entirely accurate. Humans were forged from a mixture of pure demons and pure angels. Not in that physically sexual way, but instinctually. When a human died, it returned to the source of all energy, which meant either becoming an angel or a demon. The choice was judged on a case-by-case basis, and depended wholly on which instincts the individual leaned towards. If no definitive decision could be reached, the individual would return to Earth to live as a human again; collecting more lives into its soul.

    Evalle was among the spectators for Orchid’s case. As a mortal, she had a wild heart, and there was heated debate over where Orchid would wind up. Sometimes it happens where a person hangs in emotional imbalance, enough to warrant contested interests. Orchid never bore malevolent intentions, which ultimately was what made her more of an angel. Her chaotic manner, and impulsive behaviour didn't amount to a valid reason to send her to Hell, or Earth for that matter. Evalle prayed hard for Orchid’s case, one of the many secrets she kept to herself all these years. She felt from the start that there was a compatibility between the two. It turned out to be a one-way deal, and only now she was starting to accept Orchid as a friend rather than a potential lover.

    The staircase that led to the second floor of the library was long and winding. This was due to the height of the bookcases, spanning much higher than any person could reach on their own. A system of sliding ladders was adopted to allow for their use, and to save space consequently. There were so many points of view on every piece of history that it would take a scholar to find anything anyway. The head librarian’s office was beyond the bookshelves, in a small room towards the back. The second floor held all the offices and more functional rooms, like the one with the obelisk she sought.

    After a quick rapping along the librarian's door, Evalle was granted entry. “Come in!” A venerable voice chimed outwards.

    The room was a complete mess. Archaic parchments were strewn about, and a pile of unmarked books littered the floor. Empty bottles of ink lined the desk, like an alcoholic might have liquor. Evalle wrinkled her nose at the musty smell, and decided it was best to get this over with as quickly as possible. “Hi there! I’m supposed to ask you to open the room with the sensory obelisk. Oh, and here's my signet!” Evalle held her hand up with the backside facing the librarian; her ring identifying her as a Sentinel was unmistakable.

    With a roll of the eyes, and heavily drawn out sigh, the head librarian procured a key ring from within his desk; having no less than thirty large iron keys on it. The crotchety old angel even seemed to struggle with the weight, holding it in both hands. He hobbled out of the room, and grumbled unintelligibly every step of the way. By the time they made it to the door in question, Evalle considered offering to carry him to it.

    The librarian tried almost every key in the ring before finding the right one, stopping to mutter with each false key. Anticipation grew, making Evalle anxious, but she folded her clammy hands together and waited. “There you go missy. Try not to think too hard about what you see. The future is hidden from us for a reason.”

    “Thanks Grandpa!” She patted him on the head, which led to further noises of discontent. Hobbling back on his not so merry way, the head librarian left Evalle to the obelisk and her answers.

    The room was empty save for the crystalline centrepiece. There were no lights, except the residual shimmer from the opalescent crystal that rose almost to the ceiling. It was encased in a golden holder, reminiscent of a plant pot, only with outstretched metal vines. The colour that emanated from it shifted with each passing breath, though generally stuck to shades of red, blue, and everything in between.

    Evalle kneeled down in front of the obelisk and put her hands to it. “Show me what happens to Orchid. I want to see the next time I’ll be with her!” She exerted her will into the crystal, forcing the answers to come. There was resistance at first, but, slowly, the images coalesced amidst the swirling coloured lights.

    The perspective came from someone lying prone at a sideways angle. Evalle saw Orchid locked in combat with another angel, one who held the advantage over her. Confused, Evalle wasn’t sure why she wouldn't interfere, she was supposedly there. Meanwhile, Orchid looked beyond furious. The intensity of the fighting paralleled that fury, but Orchid was struck down. Evalle could only watch as life left the eyes of the woman she loved, slumping to the pavement.

    The image faded into stillness, uncharacteristic of the crystal, Evalle still kneeling by it in the darkness. There only remained the sound of her sobbing as company. What did Orchid do wrong? Why is an angel going to kill her? I… I want to know but if I look… I’m scared… I need to see her again… What is a war worth fighting for if you can’t protect the ones you love? She withdrew her hands from the crystal, and plotted how to make her way back to Earth. She wasn’t going to give Orchid up, even if that meant fighting her own kind.

Chapters

16

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DerekTobin wrote 492 days ago

Hi Greg
I really enjoyed this - nice premise and I'm already onboard with Orchid as a character I could come along for the ride with in a book. The writing is tight and no clunky sections slowing the pace. I would say though - certain words in dialogue scanned off for me purely because she was talking to a young girl e.g "they adhered to the tenets of..." this sounded more like a lecturer addressing a class than talking to a little girl? Maybe it just reflects Orchid's character? If not it's an easy fix anyway. I have starred and added to my watchlist for more and will comment again as I read. Good luck with it Greg - think you might have a winner here.
Derek
The Angel Chord

Julio Guzman wrote 492 days ago

Hi Greg,

Let me start out with the unique format of your novel. I think the "story within a story" idea is genius and something I would only expect to see in a feature film. It took me awhile at the beginning to get used to your way of talking but once I hit chapter one, I was hooked! The tale is definitely mind twisting and ominous. Your characters are well developed and even though you limit their physical descriptions to a minimum, their dialogue helps the reader to picture them clearly. Every scene is broken down easily, they read fast which makes the reader want to keep turning pages (metaphorically speaking.) Your talent for storytelling is far from mediocre and deserves more backers!

Six stars from me!

lorgin_2003 wrote 493 days ago

I"ve been reading this one for a while,and the characters really draw you into the story. Each one is a fleshed out individual, with their own spark of life to them. The way they're described and the way they behave really helps you imagine how they look and how they sound, and it gives you a very clear mental view of how each scene is unfolding. Which, in turn, really makes you begin to care about what happens to each one of them.

The story itself flows very quickly, which makes it a bit hard to put down, Everything that happens is something that's relevant to the plot, either by setting something up or by playing it out. Even if it a piece may not seem like it at the time, it becomes relevant a little further down the line. Which adds a few layers, and gives it a reread value.

Overall, I'm very impressed by everything I've read so far, and am enjoying the story thoroughly.

stearn37 wrote 387 days ago

Absolutely superb piece of writing. Fantastic.
John Stearn
Author of Derilium

Rebecca Tester wrote 417 days ago

First off, I think allowing dialogue only to illuminate characters in the beginning is a really cool idea and would only backfire is mystery appendages and other changes to physique appear later in the narrative (tends to jar readers). Orchid's dialogue is spicy, and she readily comes off as self-assured and a bit narcissistic. I picture her flipping her hair and sauntering around with grand hand gestures and sexy over-the-shoulder glances.

Biggest obstacles for me were the format, typos, off-parts of the dialogue and the lump-o-backstory.

The format is easily enough cleared on your end. The fonts don't match and show up enormous on my screen (or too small is I change the size on this end). You may want to pull some Ctrl-As and make your fonts uniform, then re-upload it. I think the few typos will also be easier to spot is you can see more on the screen.

The lump didn't really bother me so much, mostly because of Orchid's theatrics. However, her turn of phrase did. How old is Clarisse? The mannerisms speak of one age, but Orchid's vocabulary would indicate a much older child. Hand this out to a few more parents with children of similar age to Clarisse and see what they say. She's quite candid about sex and uses some big words and phrases not typically used in everyday speech (like the 'adhered to the tenets' line).

Overall, highly imerssive and humorous :D

Isabel Parkinson wrote 435 days ago

This is great, Greg. The format is unusual but well-executed and it makes your book stand out as more unique. I also liked the way you used different fonts for each different viewpoint.
Orchid is an excellent character. She seems to be strong-willed and intelligent and I like a protagonist like that.
I understand why your introduction needed to be long - in a fantasy world, it's important that the scene is set before the story begins. I enjoy this type of genre so the prologue was a pleasure to read, but pickier readers might criticise you for having too much of an 'info-dump'.
I'm going to back this when I get the time, so have some stars for now and I'll put you on my bookshelf soon.
Hope to see this do well,
Isabel.

KoriBates wrote 436 days ago

I've read through chapter 3 and I have to say I love it. The way you've depicted Orchid is something I haven't seen a lot. You tell us about her, but we're able to form her in our own minds without any direct details. That's what I really like about this. High stars from me and I will come back to read more when I can.

@cparkie wrote 441 days ago

Hi Greg.

I've read the prologue and the first chapter with a view to giving some initial feedback.

Firstly I find the storyline a most intriguing one. Your pitch is well measured and likely to draw many people in. The prologue sets the scene nicely for the reader. The idea of an apocalyptic collision between heaven and hell causing a compromising world to develop is fantastic, but easy to imagine metaphysically.

The use of the word "Chivalry" is an odd choice as its meaning is linked with knights (from French Chevaler, mounted knight) and you apply it to the humans perception of angels. This seems contradictory, but then I am an etymological pedant sometimes!

The voice of Orchid is quite intelligent. In fact it is very bookish at times. Her speech during the prologue isn't particularly engaging. I think it is more of a monologue than a conversation that she has with Clarisse.

I enjoyed venturing into the world that you created with the aim of producing some feedback for you. It is not my type of book but I can certainly recognise how the plot will develop.

The feedback that I have given is, after all, only my opinion. I hope that it is of some use.

Craig

CarolinaAl wrote 462 days ago

I read your prologue and first four chapters for the March Madness bracket contest. Today I reread your prologue and first two chapters more closely, looking for grammar and punctuation issues.

General comments: "Trinity Divided" is an imaginative, multi-layered fantasy with a fiesty, witty central character. Twists abound. Excellent world building. Needs some editing to improve the pacing which should also help increase the story tension.

Specific comments on the prologue:
1) Considerable telling. For example, 'glaring expectantly,' indignant manner,' and 'paused dramatically.'
2) Clever wit. Orchid's sense of humor comes through nicely. I particularly liked 'the demons proposed sexchange students.'
3) A fair amount of backstory (in dialogue).
4) The demons were the ones humans 'lovingly' labelled as monstrosities. Put an opening quote mark in front of 'The.' When continuous dialogue runs into paragraphs, the first word of each dialogue paragraph is preceded with an opening quote mark. There are more cases of this type of problem.
5) "Have you ever won the lottery Clarisse?" Comma after 'lottery.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone, but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
6) 'There was something about Orchid's manner that kept her engaged.' This reads (to me) as though it's written from Clarisse's point of view. Since the rest of the scene is written from Orchid's point of view, this brief switch to Clarisse's point of view seems out of place.
7) " ... and most of the city I live in has been burned." Orchid added ... Comma after 'burned.' 'Orchid added' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).
8) " ... and find a snug milk crate to sit on." She said sarcastically. Comma after 'on' and 'She' should be lowercase. 'She said sarcastically' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation) and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it's a person's name).
9) Capitalize 'internet.'
10) ' ... picked off the corpse of one of his men that died earlier that day.' 'That' should be 'who.'

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) Effective descriptions. Orchid's character is further developed.
2) 'At 14 years old, Luther was given responsibilities in ... ' Spell out numbers 1-99.
3) "What can you do, oh tasty one?" The Suvardi on the left said to Luther, ... 'The' should be lowercase. 'The Suvardi said' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it's a person's name).
4) "So that's what you were up to Orchid?" Comma after 'to.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
5) Defiantly and with my hands on my hips I replied. "Was it worth it?" Comma after 'replied.' 'I replied' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag precedes dialogue, the dialogue tag is punctuated with a comma.
6) 'It's time this 'orchid' grew some thorns.' I love this line. Simple. Direct. Powerful.
7) "I promise I'll sleep real good Miss Orchid; with extra sheep counted." Clarisse replied. Comma after 'good.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. Also, comma after 'counted.' 'Clarisse replied' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) Not a lot of tension. More telling. For example, 'The way he spoke in third person grated on my nerves' or 'I hated when he called me that.'
2) ' ... like something out of a catholic school.' Capitalize 'catholic.'
3) Hyphenate 'well kept.'
4) "Not this time dear." Comma after 'time.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
5) "She has red hair and eyes, maybe 5'5; goes by the name Orchid." Spell out numbers 1-99. Also, spell out '.
6) "But I like to think I have a fairly open mind ... " Consider replacing the ellipsis ( ... ) with an em-dash. Use an ellipsis for hesitation. Use an em-dash for interruption. Since Orchid is interrupted by the guard, an em-dash is appropriate.
7) "I think this is our girl." The one with the transmitter reluctantly ceded ... Comma after 'girl' and 'The' should be lowercase. 'The one ceded' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation) and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Have a marvelous day, Greg.

Al

Greenleaf wrote 462 days ago

Hi Greg,
I've read the prologue and first four chapters so far. I'm really enjoying this book. I like the way you're telling the story by having Orchid tell her story to a child. You give great descriptions and detail that let the reader really see this unique world. Well-written, with likable characters and good action. I'll keep reading. Highly starred.
Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

doubledee wrote 487 days ago

I am really liking this, Greg. You have a great 'voice' in Orchid ...

Reading on ...

:) Michelle

T J Pallett wrote 490 days ago

Chapter one
'It promptly tore a disturbing amount of flesh out, gleefully eyed.' - Do you mean gleefully eyed by the demons?

You have a nice tongue in cheek style that makes this a fun read.

T J Pallett wrote 490 days ago

Prologue
'snug milk crate to sit on." She said sarcastically. - Might read better with a comma instead of a fullstop. 'crate to sit on," she said sarcastically.
'It was through barter I'd been able to procure demon majic' - Might read better as 'Through bartering I'd been able to procure demon majic'

This is snappy, amusing, very readable stuff. I can see it gaining popularity quickly!

DerekTobin wrote 492 days ago

Hi Greg
I really enjoyed this - nice premise and I'm already onboard with Orchid as a character I could come along for the ride with in a book. The writing is tight and no clunky sections slowing the pace. I would say though - certain words in dialogue scanned off for me purely because she was talking to a young girl e.g "they adhered to the tenets of..." this sounded more like a lecturer addressing a class than talking to a little girl? Maybe it just reflects Orchid's character? If not it's an easy fix anyway. I have starred and added to my watchlist for more and will comment again as I read. Good luck with it Greg - think you might have a winner here.
Derek
The Angel Chord

Julio Guzman wrote 492 days ago

Hi Greg,

Let me start out with the unique format of your novel. I think the "story within a story" idea is genius and something I would only expect to see in a feature film. It took me awhile at the beginning to get used to your way of talking but once I hit chapter one, I was hooked! The tale is definitely mind twisting and ominous. Your characters are well developed and even though you limit their physical descriptions to a minimum, their dialogue helps the reader to picture them clearly. Every scene is broken down easily, they read fast which makes the reader want to keep turning pages (metaphorically speaking.) Your talent for storytelling is far from mediocre and deserves more backers!

Six stars from me!

lorgin_2003 wrote 493 days ago

I"ve been reading this one for a while,and the characters really draw you into the story. Each one is a fleshed out individual, with their own spark of life to them. The way they're described and the way they behave really helps you imagine how they look and how they sound, and it gives you a very clear mental view of how each scene is unfolding. Which, in turn, really makes you begin to care about what happens to each one of them.

The story itself flows very quickly, which makes it a bit hard to put down, Everything that happens is something that's relevant to the plot, either by setting something up or by playing it out. Even if it a piece may not seem like it at the time, it becomes relevant a little further down the line. Which adds a few layers, and gives it a reread value.

Overall, I'm very impressed by everything I've read so far, and am enjoying the story thoroughly.

Warrick Mayes wrote 493 days ago

Greg,

I skipped "1" and went straight to "2" which was the prologue.
Having been teased by a rather spiky and intriguig intro I carried on into "3", or Chapter 1.

You have chosen a clever way of telling the story by having the fallen angel tell the child Clarisse.

Although a bit spiky in places it was well paced and rather enjoyable, I could easily have read more if time allowed.

Best regards
Warrick

Dan Elbling wrote 493 days ago

Trinity divided is a multi-leveled story of intrigue, deception and love. The descriptions are vivid and the story is captivating. A great read.

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