Book Jacket

 

rank 1619
word count 49863
date submitted 10.02.2012
date updated 18.06.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Romance, Fantasy,...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Trinity Divided

G.M. Stroll

Orchid, a fallen angel, unwittingly foils an apocalypse by retracing her mortal lives as a fairy and human. All it took was falling in love.

 

As a fallen angel, Orchid walks a fine line between good and evil. The intensity of her cheesy sense of humour is rivalled solely by her chaotic spirit. It’s only when one of her orphan wards is slain by the demonic oppressors of Earth that she chooses to take up arms. Orchid’s quasi superhero transition is the catalyst for her trans-reality journey exploring the very nature of fate. She falls prey to a devious plot that can only be solved at her origins.

Tracking back to her mortal life, Orchid was a fairy in an alternative reality; hidden beyond the dimension of time. There, as a slave to royalty, she manages to find love with a displaced human even though they never get to speak to one another. She comes to Earth in the hopes of finding him again, knowing that her memories wouldn’t persist through her soul’s transference.

On Earth, she rises against all odds to become an iconic singer. All three lives come together to form an intertwined destiny. Whether she’s a fallen angel, a fairy, or a human, one thing remains certain: Orchid’s actions will leave their mark on not one, but two realities.

 
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tags

angels, apocalypse, contemporary fantasy, demons, fairies, metaphysics

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Chapters

17

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The Fallen: Chapter 15 - Preparations

    Orchid rallied the troops for what she hoped would be one of their final excursions in this city. The surrounding demonic forces were growing thinner by the moment, and scouts reported mutinous acts by human slaves; presumably they'd gotten wind of Orchid's successes. The time was ripe to launch a massive series of attacks, and free as many people as possible. Once everyone in her entourage was assembled she orated.

    “This day has been a long time coming. Freedom for humanity can become a reality; it all starts here, but the power is in your hands! We are going to launch three separate strikes at the same time, all on targets of opportunity.” She pointed to a map of the city, and marked several places with pushpins, all in close proximity to one another. “These three locations are all related: A corrections facility, a labour camp, and a barracks local to both. Recently rebelling humans are being broken in the corrections facility... only to be moved to the labour camp. Those that 'redeem' themselves in the eyes of their demonic captors are allowed to join a task force at the barracks. If we hit all these targets at once their defences will buckle.” Orchid spoke with a different kind of confidence than what she usually exuded. Leadership wasn’t a role she was accustomed to, but in light of Evalle’s absence she was doing her best.

    Now that Orchid had their rapt attention, she divided them up into groups. With a clipboard outlining their individual skills, laid out by Evalle before leaving, she was able to assemble three teams with as few gaps as possible in regards to necessary roles. Each team would need combatants, medics, and people with technical knowledge in a variety of subjects, like engineering. Each group was then assigned an objective. “My crew will hit the barracks, where we expect the heaviest opposition. Wendall’s group will take the corrections facility, which still has a large security presence. The labour camp is the least protected, but I’m sending our largest force there. Without my help, or Wendall’s guidance, I’d like to be extra careful. Pack everything you need ASAP, I’m expecting us to finish before it gets dark. The demons will have a distinct advantage if we let them get organized.”

     The three teams departed together, as they were heading in vaguely the same direction. They stood out in broad daylight, but nobody was going to give a group that large any trouble, demon or otherwise.

    Once splitting up was warranted, Wendall gave a combat safety pep talk, as a precautionary measure. He wanted some useful information to be fresh on their minds. “Everyone remember to watch out for your squad mates. If anyone gets injured, carry him or her to the backlines to get help at your first opportunity. If you have any ranged weapons don’t be stingy with suppressing fire. This will give the melee fighters, who are the majority of our number, the chance to get up close with little danger. Trust your instincts, the minute you second-guess yourself is the minute you get yourself killed. Most importantly of all, remember what you’re fighting for. Once this city is liberated the rebuilding process can begin!”

    Though they both walked their own path to the same goal, Orchid really wished Evalle was there to lead the last group… or even there at all. Our whole argument was just silly; with some time, maybe I could have learned to like being shackled into a relationship. Orchid resolved to tell her exactly that if she ever came back, and make things right between them once again.

    Orchid’s team was the smallest, and going up against the heaviest resistance, but she had celestial magic to offer. Pound for pound that magic was a lot more dangerous than its demonic counterpart. Angelic power was only limited by the will and ingenuity of the wielder, whereas demonic power had tradition and ritual to fuel it. Alarms had already been sounded a minute or two before they arrived, but Orchid never planned on a stealthy approach. This was war; upfront and bloody.

    The barracks themselves were fenced in with barbed wire, and had a few rows of sandbags to shelter the task force. Demons and humans alike lined up behind those sandbags for cover, with a few of the meatier demons out in the open; they were too large anyway. Orchid flew over the fence, while her troops got to work cutting a sizeable hole through it.

    The plan was simple enough. She would buy them some time by exploding a burst of magical sunlight into the main field of engagement. In the blinding brightness the enemy ranks suffered severe disorientation. Still, stray bullet and arrow fire blazed into the air around where Orchid hovered. With some quick aerial manoeuvring she flung herself out of the way, and prepared a second piece of magic. This time she created a wall of sheer force out in front of the fence. The wall paved the way ahead of her troops, to protect their advance as long as possible. She took advantage, and hid behind it as well.

    Some of the demons tried to flank the invading insurgents. This was all part of Orchid's plan and picking off a few of their numbers before the fight would be a welcome advantage. Purposeful holes formed within the wall of force to allow the human rebels to shoot outwards towards the enemy who had strayed from their entrenched positions. 

    Once the armies were staring each other down at about forty feet in distance, Orchid threw the wall forward; knocking aside sandbags and enemy soldiers alike. In a flash, the fight had begun.

    Orchid's chaotic miasma of flying bladed chains thinned their numbers at an alarming pace. One of the huge demons managed to grapple her in the confusion. Though Orchid’s troops tried to help, their weapons careened uselessly off its rugged hide skin. The grotesque creature was squeezing the life out of Orchid, crushing her in a bear hug. She spat up some blood, and tried to fight back, but it was far stronger than her.

    With every ounce of will she could conjure, Orchid tried to take the form of shards, all while the pain was becoming unbearable. Finally, before her breath gave out, she shattered into  tiny pieces. The angel shards rose and reformed a short distance away, free from the hulking demon's grasp. Orchid was backpedalling to catch her breath, but the giant demon was unrelenting in his pursuit, charging her headlong. The urgency of the situation kicked Orchid’s adrenaline into gear, and she flicked out her wrists in a snapping motion to send the chain knives flying forward at high velocity. Both of the demon's eyes were gruesomely plucked from his head, and he toppled to the ground at a skid before reaching her.

    At the sight of the largest among their numbers falling in battle, most of the enemy lay down arms and surrendered. They were put to death anyway at Orchid’s command, the demons at least.

    Casualties were surprisingly heavy for such a short, well-executed, battle. It was over quickly enough though that Orchid tried to catch up to group at the labour camp in flight. Before leaving she instructed her group to return to the clock tower with the wounded. Those with enough strength left in them were to salvage whatever weapons they could from the battlefield; particularly the guns.

    At the end of all the fighting, it wound up being a pyrrhic victory. Many humans were liberated, but at the cost of many lives. At least their demonic oppressors were dealt with, and that was something worth accounting for.

    One thing remained at the forefront of Orchid’s mind, despite all the good she was getting accomplished. Kreesan and his goons haven't yet suffered for what they’ve done… and if I can't find them anymore, then maybe Trojigar can. Her hand trailed the texture of her tooth necklace. With her vow of vengeance coming to a head she felt a sense of bitter peace.

    *****

    Wendall decided it was finally time to confront Orchid with the truth if he could. After witnessing her heroics, he knew she was definitely on the right side, and it was critical that she have fair warning that Kreesan was orchestrating her death. He wasn’t sure he would be able to get the words out of his mouth when the time came, but he had to try… 

    Late in the evening when the dust had settled, he stole away to meet Orchid at the nightclub.

    *****

    Evalle spoke the command words to each of the three stones in the hedge maze, opening a portal to Earth. She didn’t have any indication of the time Orchid would meet her end, but she did have an idea where it would happen. The scene in her vision looked far too familiar; she swore she’d seen it before. Retracing her steps wasn’t a huge problem given that she could fly. First, she checked around the now abandoned resistance hideout at the bank, then the surroundings of the clock tower.

    One of the rebels saw her flying in the sky above, and waved her down with both arms excitedly. Once she landed, the recruit spoke ecstatically. “Lady Evalle, how wonderful to see you!”

    Evalle forced a smile in return, and replied. “I need to find Orchid in a hurry; things are, umm, dire... Please tell me you know where she is.” There was a certain hope lingering in her eyes, that what she saw in the obelisk could be circumvented; or maybe it was fear. They seemed inextricable from one another in Evalle's heart.

    “What? Why? What’s wrong? She… She went to that club downtown,  where all the demons hang out. I think she's going on foot to blow off some steam. We had a long hard fight today and…” The recruit meant to continue, but Evalle had already flown off with, more than, a touch of haste.

    *****

    Laurent slammed his fist down on the table. “What do you mean she’s gone?! Where did that insolent little girl run off to now?!”

    The celestial gardener shied away at all the yelling, and spoke in a meek voice before the impassioned Laurent. “I saw Evalle invoke the power of the portal at the hedges Sir. She seemed to be in a rather foul mood, and hurried out without even a goodbye.”

    “Treachery! She went running back to her precious Orchid I imagine; probably from what the obelisk showed her. This is the last time we make allowances for that girl. Bar them both from entering; get every scholar on it if you have to. I’ll see to them myself in the meantime.” Laurent fumed out his answer.

    He stormed out of the room and faced both guards at the door to his chambers. “You’re both coming with me. We have some rogue angels on our hands, and the situation needs to be dealt with. They’re highly dangerous, so come prepared. If they won’t stand down peacefully this could get messy.”

    The guards looked to each other, and then back to Laurent. With a submissive nod they formed ranks. All three made their way down the winding stairs that led towards the hedge maze, but partway Laurent raised his hand to stop them, and sighed. “I’m going to the library, to take a look at the obelisk myself. Evalle, despite everything, is one of ours... and I should give her the benefit of the doubt. I need to see what happens before I act rashly.”

    And so Laurent got visions of Orchid’s fate at the sensory obelisk just like Evalle had. The only real difference was that Orchid was standing over a dead angel's body, one he didn't recognize. The intent with which Laurent wanted to go back to the human realms suddenly became a whole lot clearer. If Orchid was going to slay an angel then he hoped to get there in time to stop it, and put her to an early grave.

Chapters

17

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DerekTobin wrote 465 days ago

Hi Greg
I really enjoyed this - nice premise and I'm already onboard with Orchid as a character I could come along for the ride with in a book. The writing is tight and no clunky sections slowing the pace. I would say though - certain words in dialogue scanned off for me purely because she was talking to a young girl e.g "they adhered to the tenets of..." this sounded more like a lecturer addressing a class than talking to a little girl? Maybe it just reflects Orchid's character? If not it's an easy fix anyway. I have starred and added to my watchlist for more and will comment again as I read. Good luck with it Greg - think you might have a winner here.
Derek
The Angel Chord

Julio Guzman wrote 466 days ago

Hi Greg,

Let me start out with the unique format of your novel. I think the "story within a story" idea is genius and something I would only expect to see in a feature film. It took me awhile at the beginning to get used to your way of talking but once I hit chapter one, I was hooked! The tale is definitely mind twisting and ominous. Your characters are well developed and even though you limit their physical descriptions to a minimum, their dialogue helps the reader to picture them clearly. Every scene is broken down easily, they read fast which makes the reader want to keep turning pages (metaphorically speaking.) Your talent for storytelling is far from mediocre and deserves more backers!

Six stars from me!

lorgin_2003 wrote 466 days ago

I"ve been reading this one for a while,and the characters really draw you into the story. Each one is a fleshed out individual, with their own spark of life to them. The way they're described and the way they behave really helps you imagine how they look and how they sound, and it gives you a very clear mental view of how each scene is unfolding. Which, in turn, really makes you begin to care about what happens to each one of them.

The story itself flows very quickly, which makes it a bit hard to put down, Everything that happens is something that's relevant to the plot, either by setting something up or by playing it out. Even if it a piece may not seem like it at the time, it becomes relevant a little further down the line. Which adds a few layers, and gives it a reread value.

Overall, I'm very impressed by everything I've read so far, and am enjoying the story thoroughly.

stearn37 wrote 360 days ago

Absolutely superb piece of writing. Fantastic.
John Stearn
Author of Derilium

Rebecca Tester wrote 390 days ago

First off, I think allowing dialogue only to illuminate characters in the beginning is a really cool idea and would only backfire is mystery appendages and other changes to physique appear later in the narrative (tends to jar readers). Orchid's dialogue is spicy, and she readily comes off as self-assured and a bit narcissistic. I picture her flipping her hair and sauntering around with grand hand gestures and sexy over-the-shoulder glances.

Biggest obstacles for me were the format, typos, off-parts of the dialogue and the lump-o-backstory.

The format is easily enough cleared on your end. The fonts don't match and show up enormous on my screen (or too small is I change the size on this end). You may want to pull some Ctrl-As and make your fonts uniform, then re-upload it. I think the few typos will also be easier to spot is you can see more on the screen.

The lump didn't really bother me so much, mostly because of Orchid's theatrics. However, her turn of phrase did. How old is Clarisse? The mannerisms speak of one age, but Orchid's vocabulary would indicate a much older child. Hand this out to a few more parents with children of similar age to Clarisse and see what they say. She's quite candid about sex and uses some big words and phrases not typically used in everyday speech (like the 'adhered to the tenets' line).

Overall, highly imerssive and humorous :D

Isabel Parkinson wrote 409 days ago

This is great, Greg. The format is unusual but well-executed and it makes your book stand out as more unique. I also liked the way you used different fonts for each different viewpoint.
Orchid is an excellent character. She seems to be strong-willed and intelligent and I like a protagonist like that.
I understand why your introduction needed to be long - in a fantasy world, it's important that the scene is set before the story begins. I enjoy this type of genre so the prologue was a pleasure to read, but pickier readers might criticise you for having too much of an 'info-dump'.
I'm going to back this when I get the time, so have some stars for now and I'll put you on my bookshelf soon.
Hope to see this do well,
Isabel.

KoriBates wrote 409 days ago

I've read through chapter 3 and I have to say I love it. The way you've depicted Orchid is something I haven't seen a lot. You tell us about her, but we're able to form her in our own minds without any direct details. That's what I really like about this. High stars from me and I will come back to read more when I can.

@cparkie wrote 414 days ago

Hi Greg.

I've read the prologue and the first chapter with a view to giving some initial feedback.

Firstly I find the storyline a most intriguing one. Your pitch is well measured and likely to draw many people in. The prologue sets the scene nicely for the reader. The idea of an apocalyptic collision between heaven and hell causing a compromising world to develop is fantastic, but easy to imagine metaphysically.

The use of the word "Chivalry" is an odd choice as its meaning is linked with knights (from French Chevaler, mounted knight) and you apply it to the humans perception of angels. This seems contradictory, but then I am an etymological pedant sometimes!

The voice of Orchid is quite intelligent. In fact it is very bookish at times. Her speech during the prologue isn't particularly engaging. I think it is more of a monologue than a conversation that she has with Clarisse.

I enjoyed venturing into the world that you created with the aim of producing some feedback for you. It is not my type of book but I can certainly recognise how the plot will develop.

The feedback that I have given is, after all, only my opinion. I hope that it is of some use.

Craig

CarolinaAl wrote 435 days ago

I read your prologue and first four chapters for the March Madness bracket contest. Today I reread your prologue and first two chapters more closely, looking for grammar and punctuation issues.

General comments: "Trinity Divided" is an imaginative, multi-layered fantasy with a fiesty, witty central character. Twists abound. Excellent world building. Needs some editing to improve the pacing which should also help increase the story tension.

Specific comments on the prologue:
1) Considerable telling. For example, 'glaring expectantly,' indignant manner,' and 'paused dramatically.'
2) Clever wit. Orchid's sense of humor comes through nicely. I particularly liked 'the demons proposed sexchange students.'
3) A fair amount of backstory (in dialogue).
4) The demons were the ones humans 'lovingly' labelled as monstrosities. Put an opening quote mark in front of 'The.' When continuous dialogue runs into paragraphs, the first word of each dialogue paragraph is preceded with an opening quote mark. There are more cases of this type of problem.
5) "Have you ever won the lottery Clarisse?" Comma after 'lottery.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone, but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
6) 'There was something about Orchid's manner that kept her engaged.' This reads (to me) as though it's written from Clarisse's point of view. Since the rest of the scene is written from Orchid's point of view, this brief switch to Clarisse's point of view seems out of place.
7) " ... and most of the city I live in has been burned." Orchid added ... Comma after 'burned.' 'Orchid added' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).
8) " ... and find a snug milk crate to sit on." She said sarcastically. Comma after 'on' and 'She' should be lowercase. 'She said sarcastically' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation) and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it's a person's name).
9) Capitalize 'internet.'
10) ' ... picked off the corpse of one of his men that died earlier that day.' 'That' should be 'who.'

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) Effective descriptions. Orchid's character is further developed.
2) 'At 14 years old, Luther was given responsibilities in ... ' Spell out numbers 1-99.
3) "What can you do, oh tasty one?" The Suvardi on the left said to Luther, ... 'The' should be lowercase. 'The Suvardi said' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it's a person's name).
4) "So that's what you were up to Orchid?" Comma after 'to.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
5) Defiantly and with my hands on my hips I replied. "Was it worth it?" Comma after 'replied.' 'I replied' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag precedes dialogue, the dialogue tag is punctuated with a comma.
6) 'It's time this 'orchid' grew some thorns.' I love this line. Simple. Direct. Powerful.
7) "I promise I'll sleep real good Miss Orchid; with extra sheep counted." Clarisse replied. Comma after 'good.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. Also, comma after 'counted.' 'Clarisse replied' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) Not a lot of tension. More telling. For example, 'The way he spoke in third person grated on my nerves' or 'I hated when he called me that.'
2) ' ... like something out of a catholic school.' Capitalize 'catholic.'
3) Hyphenate 'well kept.'
4) "Not this time dear." Comma after 'time.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases in this chapter where you address someone but didn't offset their name or title with a comma.
5) "She has red hair and eyes, maybe 5'5; goes by the name Orchid." Spell out numbers 1-99. Also, spell out '.
6) "But I like to think I have a fairly open mind ... " Consider replacing the ellipsis ( ... ) with an em-dash. Use an ellipsis for hesitation. Use an em-dash for interruption. Since Orchid is interrupted by the guard, an em-dash is appropriate.
7) "I think this is our girl." The one with the transmitter reluctantly ceded ... Comma after 'girl' and 'The' should be lowercase. 'The one ceded' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation) and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Have a marvelous day, Greg.

Al

Greenleaf wrote 436 days ago

Hi Greg,
I've read the prologue and first four chapters so far. I'm really enjoying this book. I like the way you're telling the story by having Orchid tell her story to a child. You give great descriptions and detail that let the reader really see this unique world. Well-written, with likable characters and good action. I'll keep reading. Highly starred.
Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

doubledee wrote 461 days ago

I am really liking this, Greg. You have a great 'voice' in Orchid ...

Reading on ...

:) Michelle

T J Pallett wrote 463 days ago

Chapter one
'It promptly tore a disturbing amount of flesh out, gleefully eyed.' - Do you mean gleefully eyed by the demons?

You have a nice tongue in cheek style that makes this a fun read.

T J Pallett wrote 463 days ago

Prologue
'snug milk crate to sit on." She said sarcastically. - Might read better with a comma instead of a fullstop. 'crate to sit on," she said sarcastically.
'It was through barter I'd been able to procure demon majic' - Might read better as 'Through bartering I'd been able to procure demon majic'

This is snappy, amusing, very readable stuff. I can see it gaining popularity quickly!

DerekTobin wrote 465 days ago

Hi Greg
I really enjoyed this - nice premise and I'm already onboard with Orchid as a character I could come along for the ride with in a book. The writing is tight and no clunky sections slowing the pace. I would say though - certain words in dialogue scanned off for me purely because she was talking to a young girl e.g "they adhered to the tenets of..." this sounded more like a lecturer addressing a class than talking to a little girl? Maybe it just reflects Orchid's character? If not it's an easy fix anyway. I have starred and added to my watchlist for more and will comment again as I read. Good luck with it Greg - think you might have a winner here.
Derek
The Angel Chord

Julio Guzman wrote 466 days ago

Hi Greg,

Let me start out with the unique format of your novel. I think the "story within a story" idea is genius and something I would only expect to see in a feature film. It took me awhile at the beginning to get used to your way of talking but once I hit chapter one, I was hooked! The tale is definitely mind twisting and ominous. Your characters are well developed and even though you limit their physical descriptions to a minimum, their dialogue helps the reader to picture them clearly. Every scene is broken down easily, they read fast which makes the reader want to keep turning pages (metaphorically speaking.) Your talent for storytelling is far from mediocre and deserves more backers!

Six stars from me!

lorgin_2003 wrote 466 days ago

I"ve been reading this one for a while,and the characters really draw you into the story. Each one is a fleshed out individual, with their own spark of life to them. The way they're described and the way they behave really helps you imagine how they look and how they sound, and it gives you a very clear mental view of how each scene is unfolding. Which, in turn, really makes you begin to care about what happens to each one of them.

The story itself flows very quickly, which makes it a bit hard to put down, Everything that happens is something that's relevant to the plot, either by setting something up or by playing it out. Even if it a piece may not seem like it at the time, it becomes relevant a little further down the line. Which adds a few layers, and gives it a reread value.

Overall, I'm very impressed by everything I've read so far, and am enjoying the story thoroughly.

Warrick Mayes wrote 467 days ago

Greg,

I skipped "1" and went straight to "2" which was the prologue.
Having been teased by a rather spiky and intriguig intro I carried on into "3", or Chapter 1.

You have chosen a clever way of telling the story by having the fallen angel tell the child Clarisse.

Although a bit spiky in places it was well paced and rather enjoyable, I could easily have read more if time allowed.

Best regards
Warrick

Dan Elbling wrote 467 days ago

Trinity divided is a multi-leveled story of intrigue, deception and love. The descriptions are vivid and the story is captivating. A great read.

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