Book Jacket

 

rank 100
word count 38537
date submitted 16.02.2012
date updated 26.02.2014
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Science Fiction,...
classification: adult
complete

New London Masquerade

Rian Torr

So the first wave of the Ichen Invasion began ...

 

When Gavin Callow moved to New London to take care of his grandson Devin Drake, after the boy’s folk perished in a fated plane crash one Halloween Eve--he never would have guessed where his growing suspicions would lead him--and what his secret black arts would soon unleash.

He would spend the rest of his days hunting down the monsters of his own conjuring--in a desperate effort to redeem his soul before the end times were over.

Meanwhile, the Devilbilly Motherships began arriving--and all of Earth faced a long, dark reckoning.

So the first wave of the Ichen Invasion began ...

 
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tags

2012, alien, amazonian, devil, dragon, goats, gothic, heros, horror, invasion, masquerade, mummies, mummy, occult, solar eclipse, spaceship, ufo, vamp...

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105 comments

 

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Jack Waters wrote 197 days ago

Hi Rian, just read four chapters of your book and I must say I enjoyed reading it. Modern, urban, gothic and very punkish. The kind of thing I would have liked to read when I was younger. Your characters are well fleshed out and deliver some great lines. Your humanised monsters are believable and have a certain melancholy about them, an almost fatalist attitude but with the desire to continue on their doomed course of life or unliving, so to speak. Your methods of word construction on the page are almost poetic. I enjoyed the ebb and flow of the printed word. The way you reduce and increase your lineage and still say what you need to say shows a mischievous side to you that I like. Still a few typo's knocking about, but the bugger's creep back in when you are not looking. It happens to me also. I like the seamless filmic quality to your writing. The description is not overblown and you use just the right amount of words to convey your message. I enjoyed reading this and can see a future for the undead beyond the pale lack-lustre offerings on film today. You may just be it's saving grace. A flurry of stars to beamed your way for a great read.

Regards
Jack Waters,
Reuben Falls, Dark Legacy.

Angelina Hope wrote 495 days ago

Hi

I really liked this story. It felt like fast paced story telling where you want to turn the page and see what happens next and I love the exploration into the darker corners of man's soul and the underlying messages.

Robyn Day - Seeing the Light of Day

LCF Quartet wrote 526 days ago

Hi Rian,
I just came across your book, read your pitch and checked the first four chapters so that I could send you feedback on my first impressions.

Your main characters are very-well fleshed out and your story-telling skills summit at times. I liked the first chapter for its original layout and the dialogue parts are interesting.

The letter at the second chapter is a killer one, so full of emotions and some of your words stayed with me. The third and the fourth chapter is in a good shape and I think you've done a great job in balancing dialogue with description here.

The pace is timely and your voice is smooth yet dynamic at the same time. It's easy to follow.

I liked the core concept behind your book and gave you high stars! I'll keep New London Masquerade in my Watch List for further comments.

Best wishes,
Lucette Cohen Fins - Ten Deep Footprints





leeconnor wrote 745 days ago

Hi Rian,

Although a YA writer, I am a big fan of thriller/horror novels and this certainly didn't disappoint. Great intro and the momentum stays there - it really does hold your attention. I'm glad you've uploaded so many chapters as I'm keen to read on as you've created a fantastic set of characters here.

Highly starred!

Lee :-)
"Elton: The Different Kookaburra"

patio wrote 743 days ago

I found another favourite book, New London Masquerade. Your writing is entertaining, intriquing and gripping. The power of 'Devin'. When you publish I need hard copy

recommended

Seven Everson wrote 122 days ago

Hi Rian,

I was going to make few comments, then noticed the Blueboy had kind of nailed what I was going to say so won't repeat it.

Usually I'm not a fan of the Omnipotent Viewpoint, but it actually works quite well in this. It does, however, have the feel - particularly in the first chapter, of being more of a foreword than a story. At 38,000 words, if this is the entire novel, I feel you could flesh it and give it more of a typical novel structure.

In chap 3 there is a massive section of dialogue at the end that could do with being broken up by some brief action, just so we get a feel for what's happening while the dialogue takes place. While dialogue is wonderful, there is a point past which a reader needs to touch base with the characters.

Meantime, although its not constructive to say it, I did love the characters. Despite their supernaturality, they flowed so easily onto the page. They didn't feel unnecessarily forced like some characters in this genre can.

All the best with this, and you absolute multitude of other novels, which I will be back to read!

And yes, I will friend you :)

xxxSeven Everson
Ashes of Eden

blueboy wrote 125 days ago

Devin led Sadie in circles, slow dancing in his studio.
Sadie kept in step, eyes drawn down, ever watchful of her wrappings. “Don’t come unwound,” she thought.
Devin drew her in, kissing her deeply, incisors unsheathed as his eyes burned black. All day Wulf urges had rose within him; now he could hardly contain his bloodlust. Reining himself in, he caressed her cheek and brushed back a white lock.
You right rather well, but could use a good pruning. Watch the balance of you sentences, prose should flow; also try not to bog your narrative down with overly wrought sentence structure. Remember that the best prose speaks to people, so it must come from the heart. False prose can be detected by the reader subconsciously, and no one wants to read something that is not honest so write from the heart in your own common language. You can alleviate your language, but try to avoid writing in flowery speech; it never comes off well. Right for a modern audience with intelligent but common dialect.

“She breathed huskily—choking up on her heart.” This is a clear example. It is hard for the reader to even imagine what this means—details should drive you plot forward. I’m sure in your head you had a clear idea of what you were trying to express here; brevity and clarity are key. Try to express this a little more plainly. Was she actually choking, or emotionally choked up?

Ok, the next few lines should be sprinkled in later. I would edit them out for now, and get on with the plot. You make a common mistake here by talking about “Someday she almost wishes” this or that. And “He liked the attention” and “He humored her anyway” and so forth. All of this is fine, but you are going into intimate details about a character the reader does not know or care about yet. Imagine a friend telling you every little detail about someone who you do not know or care about. How long will you sit and listen before you lose interest. Not long right. The same thing applies to fiction. Don't jump right to tedious intimate, development before making you reader care about the characters. You need to structure you opening paragraphs as such a way as to draw in your reader. What’s going on? Create tension that needs to be resolved and or a question that needs to be answered, something to make your reader curious about what is going on. Do that and they will be more willing to read through description and development? In other words don’t assume your reader cares, make them care, make your character sympathetic, and but do so “while” constructing a compelling narrative, not “instead” of constructing a compelling narrative.

I would edit out the seven short rapid fire sentences and work them in organically as you move through the narrative. Or at the very least edit them into one or two sentences.
“Tell me something,” said Sadie. “Do you remember when we went over the edge together? She paused and added. “Do you remember that day?
“When we decided to stick it out?”
“No,” she said, the smile leaving her face. She knew he was humoring her. “I’m talking about the day on the bridge. **Ok, this is a good place to work in that little detail about how he humors her. Work details like this organically into the structure of the narrative.**

Devin said nothing; she had not called him Dev since they were kids. A strangely reflective mood had come over her; and he wondered why.
** Ok, it’s not necessary to explain exactly when the last time she had called him Dev. In fact it’s rather odd that he remembers, though I’m sure there is a reason he does. Don’t explain everything, leave that question hanging in the reader's mind. What happened? Why has it been so long since she called him Dev.? What happened when they were kids? Reveal all that in the structure of the narrative, as you tell the story. Doing so will add another level of curiosity that may keep the reader reading, so that they can find out. The aim is to keep the reader interested and reading.
Also I added a little bit “a strangely reflective mood… “to round out this element and give some balance since you should drop the Halloween reference. But take it out if you like and balance the thought however you like.

OK, all and all, a good read so far. Needs some polishing though. I did enjoy it you voice. Work on making the reader care about your characters early on, and working character development into the structure of the narrative. Otherwise and fine start.



blueboy

hockgtjoa wrote 126 days ago

I have revisited this book -- after my initial inability to deal with such fantasy. There is a powerful and wonderful imagination at work here. There are parts that did not seem just right to me--not because of the fantasy aspect, possibly because of stylistic differences. But I will back this come January. I do think that you might consider a line-edit (if you can find a sympathetic editor, i.e., one who will go along with your imagination). Great stuff.

Lily Ariane wrote 143 days ago

Hi Rian,

As promised, after supper, I've read the first chapter of "New London Masquerade". Great plot, such an underworld-cheeting romance and want to read on. Really exciting story, can truly relate. Great dialogues, as well as description of surroundings and mood-setting. Love it, even though it gives me the creeps.

Have only two small things you might want to have a look at, nothing serious, but I just wanted to point it out:

"Devin's fragile secret, however, was that...." Maybe a new sentence, starting 'However', would read in an easier flow.

and

"Instead of retreating indoors and locking up in safety, however, he put on....." I would totally loose however here. You don't need it, works distracting for me.

For the rest, couldn't find a single flaw, but have to be honest, I wasn't really looking for flaws, just busy with the story. Trule entertaining. On my bookshelf & highly rated :-)

Will certainly come back for more.

Cheers,

Lily Ariane
"Vincent, Miles & Mozart"

Sophekles wrote 162 days ago

Dear Rian,

New London Masquerade is an original, exciting story, and I really like the idea of the main characters being turned into the monsters they portrayed on Halloween. The suspense is well paced with plenty of hooks to keep the reader interested. The letter from Callow to Devin in the second chapter is a interesting way to provide the reader with the background story.

The individual characters and the love triangle between Devin, Sadie and Barb are well constructed. The monsters are particularly well done and seem very human with their strengths and weaknesses. I like the way you call the demons Devilbillies. The combination makes them seem dangerous and harmless at the same time.

The writing is good with plenty of vivid detail and sharp dialogues with some very good lines. My only advice would be to use fewer hyphens.

High stars and watchlisted.

Best wishes and good luck getting published,
Sophekles
The Serotonin Transfer
i

Sophekles wrote 162 days ago

Dear Rian,

New London Masquerade is an original, exciting story, and I really like the idea of the main characters being turned into the monsters they portrayed on Halloween. The suspense is well paced with plenty of hooks to keep the reader interested. The letter from Callow to Devin in the second chapter is a good way to provide the reader with the background story.

The individual characters and the love triangle between Devin, Sadie and Barb are well constructed. The monsters are particularly well done and seem very human with their strengths and weaknesses. I like the way you call the demons Devilbillies. The combination makes them seem dangerous and harmless at the same time.

The writing is good with plenty of vivid detail and sharp dialogues with some very good lines. My only advice would be to use fewer dashes.

High stars and watchlisted.

Best wishes and good luck getting published,
Sophekles
The Serotonin Transfer

Sophekles wrote 162 days ago

Dear Rian,

New London Masquerade is an original, exciting story, and I really like the idea of the main characters being turned into the monsters they portrayed on Halloween. The suspense is well paced with plenty of hooks to keep the reader interested. The letter from Callow to Devin in the second chapter is a good way to provide the reader with the background story.

The individual characters and the love triangle between Devin, Sadie and Barb are well constructed. The monsters are particularly well done and seem very human with their strengths and weaknesses. I like the way you call the demons Devilbillies. The combination makes them seem dangerous and harmless at the same time.

The writing is good with plenty of vivid detail and sharp dialogues with some very good lines. My only advice would be to use fewer dashes.

High stars and watchlisted.

Best wishes and good luck getting published,

Sophekles
The SerotoninTransfer

Sophekles wrote 162 days ago

Dear Rian,

New London Masquerade is an original, exciting story, and I really like the idea of the main characters being turned into the monsters they portrayed on Halloween. The suspense is well paced with plenty of hooks to keep the reader interested. The letter from Callow to Devin in the second chapter is a good way to provide the reader with the background story.

The individual characters and the love triangle between Devin, Sadie and Barb are well constructed. The monsters are particularly well done and seem very human with their strengths and weaknesses. I like the way you call the demons Devilbillies. The combination makes them seem dangerous and harmless at the same time.

The writing is good with plenty of vivid detail and sharp dialogues with some very good lines. My only advice would be to use fewer dashes.

High stars and watchlisted.

Best wishes and good luck getting published,

Sophekles
The SerotoninTransfer

Jack Waters wrote 197 days ago

Hi Rian, just read four chapters of your book and I must say I enjoyed reading it. Modern, urban, gothic and very punkish. The kind of thing I would have liked to read when I was younger. Your characters are well fleshed out and deliver some great lines. Your humanised monsters are believable and have a certain melancholy about them, an almost fatalist attitude but with the desire to continue on their doomed course of life or unliving, so to speak. Your methods of word construction on the page are almost poetic. I enjoyed the ebb and flow of the printed word. The way you reduce and increase your lineage and still say what you need to say shows a mischievous side to you that I like. Still a few typo's knocking about, but the bugger's creep back in when you are not looking. It happens to me also. I like the seamless filmic quality to your writing. The description is not overblown and you use just the right amount of words to convey your message. I enjoyed reading this and can see a future for the undead beyond the pale lack-lustre offerings on film today. You may just be it's saving grace. A flurry of stars to beamed your way for a great read.

Regards
Jack Waters,
Reuben Falls, Dark Legacy.

VikkiWood wrote 197 days ago

Can't wait to start reading this!

All the best,
Vikki Wood
'Living Death'

hockgtjoa wrote 356 days ago

This is a wild and mysterious book. It is too paranormal for me but I can imagine that those who enjoy the genre would love this. Well written though I cannot tell if all the strange use of words is intentional.

Seringapatam wrote 414 days ago

Rian, Apologies if this isnt a critique. I am an inexperienced writer who can only tell you how much I liked or disliked your book. I can only judge a book by what it makes me feel like and how much I wanted to read it. What I can promise you is that I read three chapters of it and offer my opinion on that basis.
The reason I chose this book is because it had the word 'Masquerade' in the title. I am going to my first ball on Saturday night so when I saw your title I had to have a read. Having read the chapters I felt your voice was the right voice for this book and had it been someone else I dont know if it would have worked. I enjoyed your book and to be perfectly honest, I didnt think I would as it fell way out of what I would normally read. The flow to it was brilliant as was the premise behind the tale. You have such a way with words and of course for getting a message across that not only engages the reader but makes them want to read more. I wish you all the luck in the world and I score this high.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Many thanks. Sean

Charles Knightley wrote 494 days ago

New London Masquerade

A great story and a good plot. The characters stand out. You got me hooked and I wanted to read more and more, I had to stop because of other pressures. Well done!

I think you can improve the manuscript enormously with some small changes:

I believe there are too many dashes. I prefer to use dashes when you want to set off something that deserves a lot of attention. IMO

The letter of chapter 2 is far too long. IMO a shorter letter, without explaining everything, might add some mystery.

Some minor points:
Chapter 1, second sentence, change ‘did not come unwound’ to ‘didn’t unwind’
Chapter 1, paragraph 7, ‘… he (was) free of her …’
Chapter 1, ‘between a rock and a heart place’: Surely one would always choose a heart place rather than a rock which is why the idiom uses ‘hard’ not ‘heart’ because then the choice is difficult.

Charles Knightley
The Secret of Netley Abbey





Angelina Hope wrote 495 days ago

Hi

I really liked this story. It felt like fast paced story telling where you want to turn the page and see what happens next and I love the exploration into the darker corners of man's soul and the underlying messages.

Robyn Day - Seeing the Light of Day

Alice Barron wrote 497 days ago

I really enjoyed reading some of your chapters. Well, at the end of chapter 1 what choice did I have? I had to dip into chapter 2. Glad I did. It was action packed. The poor girl though. The conversation in chapter 3 with the old man was very nice. All in all I loved what I have read so far.

Highly starred.

Alice.

Scott Butcher wrote 501 days ago

Hey Rian,

Very absorbing indeed. I wasn't sure where this was going at first with the corpse dancing with the wulf. Was this a zombie book, or a vampire book, neither of those, it's something far more interesting. A group of teenagers turned into the masks they were wearing for Halloween by Seth's semi-evil grandfather. A grandfather who seems to be caught in a web of dark magic. I'm still not sure what poor Sadie is, what mask was she wearing that night? Barb sounds like she was wearing a super hero mask.

I only read the first two chapters but they're highly polished. There was only one grammatic thing in chp 2 you might look at:

"I'm not saying it's right to you, but it is just to me." might be better as "I'm not saying it's right for you, but it is just for me."

Very cool book indeed.

Best Regards Scott Butcher (The Merlin Falcon)

LCF Quartet wrote 526 days ago

Hi Rian,
I just came across your book, read your pitch and checked the first four chapters so that I could send you feedback on my first impressions.

Your main characters are very-well fleshed out and your story-telling skills summit at times. I liked the first chapter for its original layout and the dialogue parts are interesting.

The letter at the second chapter is a killer one, so full of emotions and some of your words stayed with me. The third and the fourth chapter is in a good shape and I think you've done a great job in balancing dialogue with description here.

The pace is timely and your voice is smooth yet dynamic at the same time. It's easy to follow.

I liked the core concept behind your book and gave you high stars! I'll keep New London Masquerade in my Watch List for further comments.

Best wishes,
Lucette Cohen Fins - Ten Deep Footprints





Sarah L Wyman wrote 629 days ago

Rian - I can't wait to read the rest of this book. I really love the characters, the dark, moody tone of this whole piece, and the frank and unafraid way that you portray your people. The world is interesting, the story is intense, and I want to keep going. Good luck and I will be seeing more of you on this site, I'm sure.

jlbwye wrote 635 days ago

Solian Chronicles. This isnt my genre, but I can appreciate the skill of your opening dialogue, revealing the characters with no ambiguity about who is speaking the lines.

Do you want nits? Perhaps you dont need unnecessary words like before long, still, soon, almost (Ch.2) suddenly (Ch.3) always.

Love that line when Devin is caught between a rock and a heart place.
There is something wispy and ethereal about your writing which makes me want to continue...

Ch.2-3. Your tale of the pursuit of Seth is vividly told. I had to read twice to work out if Callow had been transported upward by the lizard before its death, but still dont know.
Is this a sequel book? There are some gaps in the back story - or perhaps you are purposely keeping the reader in ignorance.

You certainly know how to hook your reader onwards.
Thankyou for your support of mine - and sorry I took so long to get here.

Jane.

sandyp wrote 639 days ago

Good descriptions and great characters so far, I'm enjoying the read and have read the first two chapters. Will comment more if there's a need, later on
Lots of stars and on my shelf. Good work
sandy.

Phoenix Grey wrote 640 days ago

This book is certainly interesting. I don't think I've ever really read anything like it. It has a great pace, and there is plenty to interest the reader and keep them hooked. The writing is good as well; the only thing is I'm not sure about all the hyphens, in places I feel that they should be commas, but this could just be a style difference. The characters are believable, even though the world they exist in seems a very crazy place, which is a testament to the writing.

Best of luck with this,
Phoenix Grey
Shadow of the Moon

Chancelet wrote 640 days ago

Hi Ryan, Read up to chapter 3. Good story telling. Not my usual kind of book, but it's enjoyable. Good job.

LaRonda
Anticipation of the Penitent

Hodgey96 wrote 667 days ago

Hey Rian,
Seen as how I've got you on my friends, I thought it was time I read your work. You certaintly haven't disappointed. Your description of the story was great, it had be gripped, and then I started reading. I wasn't sure if you had just exaggerated in the description, but I was wrong! Your characters are great, and I really like the plot. I'm definitely backing this, and I hope to finish the book soon!
Josh Hodge
Legends of Xerio

TheFourHorsemenSeries wrote 668 days ago

Although not my type of book, it is very well written. The author captivates the audience and keeps them turning the pages to find out what happens next. It really is a good book. You definitely have some talent Rian.

Rosalind Barden wrote 668 days ago

New London Masquerade captures my interest immediately with the story of love and loss, deepens my curiosity with the ancient London legends, and hooks me with the Sadie’s kidnapping. Fast and thrilling. One to watch. Backed and starred. Rosalind Barden, American Witch

arne wrote 690 days ago

Good story man, I spent a lot of the day reading it and am getting pulled in.

Myrmedons wrote 695 days ago

Hi Rian,
I've read three chapters of your book and I frankly couldn't go on. Not that the story isn't good or intriguing, because from the little that I read, I know it is, and I did try to get into it. It's just that I cannot -- bring myself to -- ignore all the -- overwhelming dashes you've -- weaved into the text. They are, to me, a sad distraction to an original story, an unfortunate bullish spoil to your work and I just don't understand their (again) overwhelming uses!
That said, I command you for well-worked-out dialogues and the characters are very sympathetic. I'm sure I'll be able to get drawn in should you work all those dashes out.
I also couldn't bring myself to read the letters you've introduced to the book. I didn't read Bram Stoker's Dracula for that very reason, but it's just a personal preference, nothing wrong there.
Some of your sentences need reworking as well.
Just a few exemples:
"He was almost about to begin prowling the yard." -- ALMOST-- is unnecessary there = He was about to begin...
"Sadie, I'm coming", he thought to himself." -- When someone thinks, it's always to himself.--
"He tracked them along highway 88, until their sole impressions ended -- and he cursed himself for not acting sooner, for they had likely now hitched a ride and were outpacing him every moment he wasted waiting." -- Try this: He followed their trail along hwy. 88 until their tracks disappeared in the dirt. He cursed himself for not having acted sooner as he knew they had most likely hitched a ride, outpacing him while he'd wasted time..."
"But Blake was just a blank slate from all the booze -- and you could tell he never absorbed anything that you were saying, so it was not really dialogue -- for you knew it all passed out the other ear every heartbeat." Using 'you' in a narrative isn't good form. ---Try this: But Blake's mind was virtually blank from all the booze he consumed and could never remember anything he was told, turning everything anyone could tell him into a monologue."
Obviously, my corrections are at your discretion and presently just quickly formulated.
Also, may I ask why you decided to pattern certain paragraphs into poem form? I'm sorry, I guess I don't understand your style.
Still though, as I mentioned, I like the story and the plot.
Continue your efforts, the book is worthwhile and I'm putting it in my Watch List as I'll be coming back to it in the hopes of being able to read it in its entirety.
I'm not rating it yet, for obvious reasons.

StaKC wrote 695 days ago

Interesting premise, werewolves and witches and aliens, exactly the kind of thing I'd look for on a book store shelf. The writing style is different, and though it was not my personal favorite, I think it will be a draw for others because I know more than a few readers who like the more artistic and a less linear flow, and just because it isn't to my taste doesn't mean I can't see the appeal, or tha talent. It's a story that touches on what's popular, yet is unique enough to not be lost amidst the rest. Good luck.

GoldenBliss wrote 707 days ago

Rian
I really like reading different storylines in a book which are not the same. I can honestly tell u, ur book is not the same vampire, wolf, or witch story. It is very different. :) It has a very strong storyline between Devin, Sadie, and Barb. I love the different characters and their emotion and the descriptions of the different places u describe. A job well done. :)

Shelby Z. wrote 707 days ago

Gripping and tense story plot.
Really different ideas in this.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

AbbieLilly wrote 709 days ago

I just read the first chapter of your book -and though, admittedly, horror is not my favorite genre, your writing is gripping and intriguing. There are a lot of subtleties and complexities that would be interesting to see unfolded.

Damon Stentz wrote 713 days ago

Interesting-a love triangle between a werewolf, a witch, and a mummy. I love writing that's dialogue-driven such as this. It almost reads like a script.

I'm wondering how decomposed Sadie has become, and whether any acts of necrophilia between Dev and herself are logistically possible if she's being held together.

I really like unique plots such as this. Good work.

patio wrote 713 days ago

Inhale, exhale. I needed that. The battle which featured in chapter 17 is fierce.

patio wrote 716 days ago

I'm gripped on your story. I dip in here and there from time to time

Olga13 wrote 716 days ago

Hi Ya,
I have started to read your book...
Because of the style and formatting well written...i have scored it 6..
will let you know at the appropriate time about the story...
Olga`13

Grimmtimtim wrote 716 days ago

This had been a rather good read. Lovely structure, well paced. Has a got a well polished feel to it.
I hope to read more later.

fictionguy wrote 717 days ago

I don't usually read horror and fantasy, although I have a serial killer book that is under consideration from a publisher that could classify as horror, but it's not what I usually write. However, you have put together a good set of characters and your narrative is perfect for this kind of book. I wish I had time to read it all. Maybe after my book goes where it will go and I have time. I'm giving you five stars on the belief that the rest of the book is written as well as the first chapter. My bookshelf is full, but I may rearrange it in two weeks. Good luck. Let us know when it is published.

Su Dan wrote 718 days ago

lntellegent writing style for this book. very good sci-fi...
and l have backed...
read SEASONS...

eltondiva wrote 721 days ago

Now that I have re-orientated my self ( you writing comes out of left field, thank you for that!) It is to me an extremely singular way of story telling and this sets you apart. I have been reading your book for the last four days when real life does not intervene. I love the original style and I think it will do well with lovers of a Gothic edge.

Colleen

Rachelsarah wrote 722 days ago

enjoyed chapter one. i felt that the dialogue was realistic. it flowed nicely and gave away just enough about sadie and devins predicament to get the reader interested in the rest of the book. the imagery was also strong, i got a sense of what the scenes looked like. i will read on as i want to find out what has happened to sadie. watchlisted and waiting for space on my bookshelf.

The Knowledge wrote 728 days ago

Unique style of writing that takes a little while to get used to...but once you are..you're hooked.
Just proves that the norm isn't always necessarily right.
Bram Stoker proved that with Dracula.
Will go down well with both modern and original gothic horror lovers.
Highly starred for originality.
David

patio wrote 734 days ago

Your horror story horrified me. But its all good because I love those stuff.

patio wrote 734 days ago

Your horror story horrified me. But its all good because I love those stuff.

patio wrote 734 days ago

Your horror story horrified me. But its all good because I love those stuff.

SaeraWrites wrote 742 days ago

Hi and love the thriller/horror and fantasy storiy and how it starts out immediately I shudder and shiver;) Very good introduction too, holds my interest so wow, what a beginning.
Saerawrites
The Wizard of Crescent Keep

patio wrote 743 days ago

I found another favourite book, New London Masquerade. Your writing is entertaining, intriquing and gripping. The power of 'Devin'. When you publish I need hard copy

recommended

leeconnor wrote 745 days ago

Hi Rian,

Although a YA writer, I am a big fan of thriller/horror novels and this certainly didn't disappoint. Great intro and the momentum stays there - it really does hold your attention. I'm glad you've uploaded so many chapters as I'm keen to read on as you've created a fantastic set of characters here.

Highly starred!

Lee :-)
"Elton: The Different Kookaburra"

CJE wrote 749 days ago

That was very interesting too say the least. It was different.

Sue50 wrote 750 days ago

Wonderful descriptions! Sure is a different twist on things! Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck!
Sue50

Grey Muir wrote 751 days ago

Hi Rian,
Wow, the action starts in chapter 4 alright. The action is tense and fast paced. Written well. The narrator calls the demons/aliens Devilbillies, but without a reason to. Seems like that comes out of nowhere. Ditto “sungun”. How would anyone know these terms? Also, I am not sure how Cadence knew the Devilbillie had two hearts either. He had time to recall that they had two hearts while he was remembering. I’d suggest adding that memory. Then a new weapon, a lightning scythe? I suggest that maybe the “Devilbillies” need to name themselves and their weapons to each other in their thoughts that Devin hears.

Being wild and surrealistic is fine, but to create believability of something unbelievable, you need a logic path. Otherwise, it is hard to sound like more than an animated comic strip. How does Cadence know to call Devin a Wulf and not a wolf. I’d suggest having Cadence use the term Wolf and have Devin correct him, saying “I’m not a wolf. I’m a Wulf.” Or some version similar.

The aliens are described vividly and dramatically. They are so clearly alien, but obviously these aliens have probably caused the myths of demons from their descriptions. Another good tie to some believability.

Kind of like watching a “Blade” movie. Oops, dating myself. The story line is good, and the surrealism grows on you. Not my style of writing, but fun to read. Exciting for sure.

Hope my suggestions are not too critical. Thanks.

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