Maddalena - Mussolini’s Daughter of The Wolf

Maddalena

This is a fascinating and valuable first-person account of a difficult and shameful time in world history. Reading it, I was transfixed to another reality of time and place. I have read all chapters posted; noted a few incidental typos which did not effect my concentration on the story. I hope that you will add more chapters soon. I think I may have backed this book sometime ago, but if that is the case, I am all to happy to do so again and star highly.

I would ask you to kindly give some consideration to my children's book "Nine in Forty-nine," and note my limited exposure, as a child in Midwestern U.S. to World War II.

Dyana

This is amazingly written!
The story too is so cool that it is real. There is so much too this. I like how you set the history and then dive into your MC and what happened to her and her family.
You have done a very good job on this. It is so well done.
Super work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Maddalena.
This is a powerful and absorbing account, set against the backdrop of a tragic period in Italian history.It is all the more fascinating because it is told by an eye witness. You relay Maddalena's story in a lucid, straightforward and honest way.

Your writing is immaculate and I only picked up two small typos both in Ch 1 :

Activities and trips were well organised . . . and we have [HAD] tremendous fun . . .

. . . but the sound of her (Rosa's) voice and the smells from the shed was [WERE] a joy . . .

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed every chapter and I hope you're planning to upload more as I can't wait to read what happens to Maddalena and her family. 6 stars bravo.
Connie (Streets Apart)

Alice. Very good. I am liking this although I didnt think I would. Well written and very well thought out. I like the way the characters are blended into the flow. Your research and knowledge is outstanding and the way you have built this is really cool. I loved this well done.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage (B.A.O.R) please consider me for a read or watch list t wont you?? Many thanks.Sean

Entirely fascinating. Your choice to use the story of the brother being taken away was a good choice for the prologue, as it immediately pulls the reader into the story. We want to know what becomes of Pietro.

A little rough in spots. Paragraph 5 of Train to Hell, you write "Finally the train was finally left smoking . . ." I would write simply "the train was left smoking . . .", but you should omit at least one of the "finally"s. Paragraph 6, I was confused by the line "so nearly tripped over." I understood later what you meant when you wrote "we left in tears, unaware that my brother was only yards from where we were standing." That says it all. I think you should omit the line "so nearly tripped over.

While I found myself wishing for perhaps more details about the allied air raids, overall I believe the details in the prologue were well chosen. We see the cruelty of the German officer, the bravery of the mother, the daughter's fear, the danger, and the uncertainty of what was to come with the allied army so close. Historically significant and a wonderful human story that makes me want to read on.

In answer to your Comment on my book.

It was a joint effort, but the words are Maddalena's. I tried changing quite a bit, but she was determined that it was written as it is. It is her story told her way with as much or as little detail as she was prepared to give. So your suggestions about 'making it more dramatic' or asking 'what the other solidiers did' is not something that can be addressed.

I also note that you had very little to say about content, but rather concentrated on style and technicalities.

Nevertheless, I thank you for taking the time to comment, but there won't be a re-write, as you suggest, as Maddelana is very happy and I am content with a rate of sales of around 30 a week.
Alice

[Comments on Maddalena]
Was this book written (Dictated?) by Maddalena? Hard to believe that Alice Haro “… an experienced writer … professional journalist, copywrighter and general word-smith…” would post such an imperfect manuscript as “Maddalena.” If Maddalena is the real author then the author credit should read “by Maddalena (as told to Alice …)’ If so, then the nature of relationship should be explained. How did you meet? Where did she talk? Did you take notes? Recording? How much did you change her story? Etc.

I heed your “WARNING: I give honest reviews!!!” So here it goes.

Better title may be “Maddalena’s Story”

[THE TRAIN TO HELL Is this an INTRODUCTION?]
- Title is not quite right. “Hell” is overused in describing horrors and suffering during war(s).
- Do you mean “… borne before 1924” rather than after?
- {Avoid Passive Voice} re-write: “Nobody dared disobey such an order from the ruling Fascist Party.’
- When first mentioning mother it would be helpful to say “My widowed mother and I…” as otherwise a reader may be wondering where is father at this point in the story.
- “…we discovered…” How? Did somebody tell you? Phone you?
- “… to try and stop him leaving…” but at the end of Para#1 you said “had been taken to Germany…”
- “My Mother and I…” repeats from previous sentence
- Could they just hop on “…the next available train.”? I would’ve thought that at that late stage in war Italians needed permits to travel by train.
- What “…else was forgotten.”?
- “…we were soon to learn …” I wouldn’t think they would go all the way to Bolzano unless they already knew that was the place of the transit camp.
- “My mother was extremely upset …” What else could she be?
- “… not been informed…” Would she had been less upset if she was informed?
- “Coming to a screeching halt, we all ran …” Did “we” come to a screeching halt?
- “…opened fire time and again..” Suggest re-write “…low flying planes strafed the stationary train …”
- “A few German soldiers returned fire …” What did the other soldiers do?
- “Finally the train was finally…”
- Avoid passive voice: “… effect repairs were undertaken.” By whom?
- “… being loaded …” How? With a front end loader? May be you want to say “being herded”?
- “As we walked … there was a disturbance …” What kind of disturbance? Did some men try to escape? Did the guards beat somebody up? This could be quite dramatic.
- “… she had identified as the German officer in charge …” Impossible that she would be allowed to get that close to an officer. The incredulity of this situation makes the rest of the discussion with the officer unbelievable.
- “…silence rested in the air.” This must be an Italian idiom?

The section above the break (*********) seems to have been added on advice of a reviewer to provide a better “hook” to grab and hold a reader. It has failed to do that. In addition to many stylistic problems (some of which have been mentioned above) the section lacks excitement. The officer-in-charge tells them that Pietro has already been transported and sends them home. And they go home. Suddenly, all the tension has vaporized.


[Chapter One: IGNORANCE IS BLISS]

Writing in this chapter is much better.

- “Home for me, since I was born …” Awkward. If she was born in February, would her home been somewhere else?
- It would help at the end of the first sentence to locate Lugo better. (East of Bologna, Not far from the Adriatic, North-eats of Florence, or similar)
- “…flavours and smells…: What were they? Why mention them at all?
- “Above all…” and later “…above all else.” Are the same thing in the same sentence.
- “The explanation for this busy household…” Do you mean to say “The reason our household was so busy…”?
- “…exceptionally talented…” Is there such a thing as “unexceptionally talented”?
- “I had no idea that it had been any different.” Incomplete sentence. What is “it”?
- “I also didn’t question …” but you explained earlier that mother had to teach because father’s business “had faltered” (collapsed?)
- Giovinezza was a stirring national anthem and a good tune but giving the words here is unnecessary.
-
[Chapter two: DRAMATIC CHANGES]

Too much history in Ch.2 Civil-war?
- “motivated into speaking” ?
- When describing horrors of war one has to be careful not to exaggerate: “Whole villages were murdered…”
- And where was Pietro during all this?
- Inconsistent: Flora and Lorenzo’s family had farm animals and food. Only 12 km from “war torn Lugo”?
- “The penalties were severe…” used too often

A General Comment: Naming some of the Fascist oppressors would give them some personality. As is, they appear as faceless cartoon figures.
The writing, at the end of Chapter six, stops suddenly. There is no resolution, no conclusion only question. What happened to Pietro. What was the response to liberation and the end of war. What happened to mother?

I just realized that only a part of the book has been posted. Confused by statement at the end of the intro pitch that “My book is complete @ 20k words.

It should be clear from the above comments that Maddalena’s Story needs a thorough re-write.

This is a nice start on the book and it is an important story to be told. The details are great and I have images as I read as I have traveled in Italy. Some of the metaphors and adjectives could be changed, perhaps Train to Hell, the latter could be substituted for Hades or an Italian expression. I have personally wanted to read an account of life under Mussolini and this fits the bill. Keep me posted. Rated and ranked.
Roberta

[Comments on Maddalena]
Was this book written (Dictated?) by Maddalena? Hard to believe that Alice Haro “… an experienced writer … professional journalist, copywrighter and general word-smith…” would post such an imperfect manuscript as “Maddalena.” If Maddalena is the real author then the author credit should read “by Maddalena (as told to Alice …)’ If so, then the nature of relationship should be explained. How did you meet? Where did she talk? Did you take notes? Recording? How much did you change her story? Etc.

I heed your “WARNING: I give honest reviews!!!” So here it goes.

Better title may be “Maddalena’s Story”

[THE TRAIN TO HELL Is this an INTRODUCTION?]
- Title is not quite right. “Hell” is overused in describing horrors and suffering during war(s).
- Do you mean “… borne before 1924” rather than after?
- {Avoid Passive Voice} re-write: “Nobody dared disobey such an order from the ruling Fascist Party.’
- When first mentioning mother it would be helpful to say “My widowed mother and I…” as otherwise a reader may be wondering where is father at this point in the story.
- “…we discovered…” How? Did somebody tell you? Phone you?
- “… to try and stop him leaving…” but at the end of Para#1 you said “had been taken to Germany…”
- “My Mother and I…” repeats from previous sentence
- Could they just hop on “…the next available train.”? I would’ve thought that at that late stage in war Italians needed permits to travel by train.
- What “…else was forgotten.”?
- “…we were soon to learn …” I wouldn’t think they would go all the way to Bolzano unless they already knew that was the place of the transit camp.
- “My mother was extremely upset …” What else could she be?
- “… not been informed…” Would she had been less upset if she was informed?
- “Coming to a screeching halt, we all ran …” Did “we” come to a screeching halt?
- “…opened fire time and again..” Suggest re-write “…low flying planes strafed the stationary train …”
- “A few German soldiers returned fire …” What did the other soldiers do?
- “Finally the train was finally…”
- Avoid passive voice: “… effect repairs were undertaken.” By whom?
- “… being loaded …” How? With a front end loader? May be you want to say “being herded”?
- “As we walked … there was a disturbance …” What kind of disturbance? Did some men try to escape? Did the guards beat somebody up? This could be quite dramatic.
- “… she had identified as the German officer in charge …” Impossible that she would be allowed to get that close to an officer. The incredulity of this situation makes the rest of the discussion with the officer unbelievable.
- “…silence rested in the air.” This must be an Italian idiom?

The section above the break (*********) seems to have been added on advice of a reviewer to provide a better “hook” to grab and hold a reader. It has failed to do that. In addition to many stylistic problems (some of which have been mentioned above) the section lacks excitement. The officer-in-charge tells them that Pietro has already been transported and sends them home. And they go home. Suddenly, all the tension has vaporized.


[Chapter One: IGNORANCE IS BLISS]

Writing in this chapter is much better.

- “Home for me, since I was born …” Awkward. If she was born in February, would her home been somewhere else?
- It would help at the end of the first sentence to locate Lugo better. (East of Bologna, Not far from the Adriatic, North-eats of Florence, or similar)
- “…flavours and smells…: What were they? Why mention them at all?
- “Above all…” and later “…above all else.” Are the same thing in the same sentence.
- “The explanation for this busy household…” Do you mean to say “The reason our household was so busy…”?
- “…exceptionally talented…” Is there such a thing as “unexceptionally talented”?
- “I had no idea that it had been any different.” Incomplete sentence. What is “it”?
- “I also didn’t question …” but you explained earlier that mother had to teach because father’s business “had faltered” (collapsed?)
- Giovinezza was a stirring national anthem and a good tune but giving the words here is unnecessary.
-
[Chapter two: DRAMATIC CHANGES]

Too much history in Ch.2 Civil-war?
- “motivated into speaking” ?
- When describing horrors of war one has to be careful not to exaggerate: “Whole villages were murdered…”
- And where was Pietro during all this?
- Inconsistent: Flora and Lorenzo’s family had farm animals and food. Only 12 km from “war torn Lugo”?
- “The penalties were severe…” used too often

A General Comment: Naming some of the Fascist oppressors would give them some personality. As is, they appear as faceless cartoon figures.
The writing, at the end of Chapter six, stops suddenly. There is no resolution, no conclusion only question. What happened to Pietro. What was the response to liberation and the end of war. What happened to mother?

I just realized that only a part of the book has been posted. Confused by statement at the end of the intro pitch that “My book is complete @ 20k words.

It should be clear from the above comments that Maddalena’s Story needs a thorough re-write.

Maddalena

This is a fascinating and valuable first-person account of a difficult and shameful time in world history. Reading it, I was transfixed to another reality of time and place. I have read all chapters posted; noted a few incidental typos which did not effect my concentration on the story. I hope that you will add more chapters soon. I think I may have backed this book sometime ago, but if that is the case, I am all to happy to do so again and star highly.

I would ask you to kindly give some consideration to my children's book "Nine in Forty-nine," and note my limited exposure, as a child in Midwestern U.S. to World War II.

Dyana

Added to WL and rated will back as soon as space. Sue, 'It's a Dog's Life'

Maddalena.
This is a powerful and absorbing account, set against the backdrop of a tragic period in Italian history.It is all the more fascinating because it is told by an eye witness. You relay Maddalena's story in a lucid, straightforward and honest way.

Your writing is immaculate and I only picked up two small typos both in Ch 1 :

Activities and trips were well organised . . . and we have [HAD] tremendous fun . . .

. . . but the sound of her (Rosa's) voice and the smells from the shed was [WERE] a joy . . .

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed every chapter and I hope you're planning to upload more as I can't wait to read what happens to Maddalena and her family. 6 stars bravo.
Connie (Streets Apart)

Alice,

I'm here for a long overdue review. Please forgive me. I've had so much else to do lately. I've read your introduction and first chapter and have seen much that is interesting here, especially the details about being a member of the female Fascist group, and of course the Blackshirts' and the war's effect on her family. The differences in how her father and mother reacted to these pressures is thought-provoking. It was a time of very difficult choices, and your words bring this out. Throw in Maddalena's ignorance as a young, patriotic Italian into the mix, and I think you certainly have the subject matter for an interesting read. Many will want to keep reading to see how it all turns out. And knowing that it is all real makes it especially compelling.

I don't know whether this makes any sense, but I seem to find myself enjoying the first chapter more than the introduction, and wondered whether it might be possible (and better) to reverse the order? I think most readers will want to be thrust quickly into the family's situation there in the town. And then perhaps you can work in the general historical context as you go along. This might just be my own taste, but I think it may grab more readers immediately if you started with some important part of the family story. There is so much historical context in the beginning that I fear it almost suffocates the personal story before the personal story has a chance to breathe and enchant the reader. Don't mistake. I personally like history, and historical context is obviously very important to the story you're telling here, but I just felt there was too much general history too soon here. Perhaps begin immediately with the account of their search for their brother, get the reader hooked on how the war and Fascism has affected the family, and then go back in time, giving us the general historical context as needed.

But make no mistake. I've read enough to see that this story has the potential to be quite engaging. Best of luck to you with it.

And many thanks if you have time to read a bit of mine with your honest feedback.

Sincerely,

Jeff McInnis--Betwixt the Trees

Hmm my first comment didnt take so here goes attempt 2.
If there's one kind of book I love, its true life stories, and this book had me hooked at chapter one! I will definitely be finishing this book as I dash in and out from the office trying to get my housework done at the same time!
Loving it so far and how wondeful for you to have met this amazing person :)

If there's one kind of book I love, its reading about true life experiences. They fascinate me beyond all other genres. This book got me hooked on chapter one! I am only a few chapters in as I dash in and out of the office to do my housework, but I will definitely be finishing this book!
..And how lovely to have actually known this amazing lady.

If there's one kind of book I love, its reading about true life experiences. They fascinate me beyond all other genres. This book got me hooked on chapter one! I am only a few chapters in as I dash in and out of the office to do my housework, but I will definitely be finishing this book!
..And how lovely to have actually known this amazing lady.

This really is the kind of book I love to read. I worked as a care-giver for a few years and loved to listen to elderly clients reminisce. They were usually more comfortable talking about they're past because their short term memory wasn't always good. The detail they could remember always amazed me. So this story feels very real and it is written beautifully. I also enjoyed my time with Maddalena and thank you for sharing her with us. Backed six stars.
Best wishes,Olive.

Nice writing, Cyrus asked me to have a read - I will return for a longer read later

Andy

Hi Alice, have you a contact for Nick Brown? i still come back to this work and still enjoy your style immensely

Cyrus

Hi Alice,
I still return to to your work and am still impressed with you skill - I am promoting your work to a couple of friends-The Fridge and John Saville so you should get their backing/ratings soon.

regards

Cyrus

This is beautifully written, factual but scattered with the kind of personal details that bring it alive. I suppose I knew that things were very hard in Italy after the fall of Mussolini until the end of the war but this first hand account brings it to life. I would think this is very publishable. I hope so. Lots of stars for now.

This is amazingly written!
The story too is so cool that it is real. There is so much too this. I like how you set the history and then dive into your MC and what happened to her and her family.
You have done a very good job on this. It is so well done.
Super work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

I don't claim to know much about the period of history or about the culture you describe, but I can recognise that this is writing of the highest order. I read all three chapters in one sitting and was deeply impressed. Have given the book five stars and of course it's on the shelf.

All the very best with this and your other projects

K J

Oh how I wish I could get my kids to read this. The story is alive! Far too many young people watch movies and look back on those times as exciting. Your story is a must read.

I wouldn't touch the content, overall it's brilliant.
You may want to watch your paragraph length. My name: Maddalena.... this is real close to a standard novel page, so in book format it'll look like one massive chunk of writing. on page 1.
try breaking it into the various ideas at When Mussolini joined his ally,.. and So in great haste, on June 17th. That gives the reader (me) a chance to think about what I've read. And I need to think about what I've read.

maybe avoid things like "to all intents and purposes" it cheapens a great story. not the intent but the phrase itself, far too many comics these days have played with those words.

Again Chapter one. second paragraph is well over a page long. how will it read? two solid pages of text?
The explanation for this busy household... He refused to join the party,... Under the Fascist regime of... The motto of the Blackshirts was... each is a paragraph in itself.

Wow, that's it! the only real issue is format. 6 stars.

The short pitch doesn’t quite read right: Maddalena, a loyal and enthusiastic young fascist in Mussolini’s Italy, but her world is about to be smashed and broken beyond all recognition by WW2.

If you take out the clause it should still make sense: Maddalena but her world is about to be smashed and broken beyond all recognition by WW2.

Either you should have it as: Maddalena is a loyal....

Or you need to add a verb after the clause, e.g. : ...Italy, has her world smashed and broken by WW2.

The premise was strong as was the sense of authenticity. I completely believed the truth of the narrator’s world. However, there was a lot of summarising and exposition and events were described in terms of generalities (‘this is what life was like back then’ as opposed to ‘this is what happened to me that day’).

I felt like I wanted more of her personal recollections presented as they happened rather than as memories viewed from a distance. A matter of personal preference. Not that it isn’t interesting stuff, but I found it a bit stop-start with all the historical info dropped in every few paragraphs.

Overall it is very cleanly written and presented with a likeable narrator living through interesting times.

This book is so wonderfully written that it is hard to stop reading. I love your authentic descriptions you really do take the reder on an absorbing journey, Excellent read 6* All the best Karen, Faking it in France.

Added to WL and rated, will back when free spot. Sue ''It's a Dog's Life''

Lovely book, perfect in the detail.
Best wishes
Tom

Thank goodness I changed all those errors in my published book.
Should really update what I have on here.
Thanks for your comments - will look at your work ASAP.
Alice

I read your introduction and first chapter.

General comments: A moving start. Maddalena is a tough, resilient person. Her story is finely drawn and well-textured. Haunting imagery. Stunning sense of time and place. Plenty of tension. Nice pacing.

Specific comments on the introduction:
1) 'So, she bravely squared-up to the man that we had identified as the German officer in charge ... ' 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'who' for people.
2) 'Before the war reached Lugo, our Street, Via Cento, had been like ... ' 'Street' should be lowercase.
3) ' ... as war closed-in on a busy, productive and close-knit neighboured.' 'Neighboured' should be 'neighbourhood.'
4) 'We were going to stay with an old and very dear friend of my mothers.' Mothers (plural) should be mother's (possessive).

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'The motto of the Blackshirts was 'Me ne frego' (I do not care)' Period after the closing parentheses mark.
2) ' ... the Blackshirts would rough-up any adult that did not sing it with vigor ... ' 'That' should be 'who.'
3) 'And, I only learned in later years about my parent's differing views about ... ' Parent's (singular possessive) should be parents' (plural possessive).
4) 'There was the wonderful smell of linen boiling in a huge cauldron ... ' When you mention smell, try to characterize it. What was this smell? Was it floral, like roses? Was it a lemon aroma? A sharp chlorine smell? When you characterize the smell, you'll plunge the reader deeper into the scene.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know how I might improve it?

Have a marvelous day, Alice.

Al

I read your introduction and first chapter.

General comments: A moving start. Maddalena is a tough, resilient person. Her story is finely drawn and well-textured. Haunting imagery. Stunning sense of time and place. Plenty of tension. Nice pacing.

Specific comments on the introduction:
1) 'So, she bravely squared-up to the man that we had identified as the German officer in charge ... ' 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'who' for people.
2) 'Before the war reached Lugo, our Street, Via Cento, had been like ... ' 'Street' should be lowercase.
3) ' ... as war closed-in on a busy, productive and close-knit neighboured.' 'Neighboured' should be 'neighbourhood.'
4) 'We were going to stay with an old and very dear friend of my mothers.' Mothers (plural) should be mother's (possessive).

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'The motto of the Blackshirts was 'Me ne frego' (I do not care)' Period after the closing parentheses mark.
2) ' ... the Blackshirts would rough-up any adult that did not sing it with vigor ... ' 'That' should be 'who.'
3) 'And, I only learned in later years about my parent's differing views about ... ' Parent's (singular possessive) should be parents' (plural possessive).
4) 'There was the wonderful smell of linen boiling in a huge cauldron ... ' When you mention smell, try to characterize it. What was this smell? Was it floral, like roses? Was it a lemon aroma? A sharp chlorine smell? When you characterize the smell, you'll plunge the reader deeper into the scene.

I hope these comments help you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know how I might improve it?

Have a marvelous day, Alice.

Al

Wow, I was just going to read a little to get a feel for this, next thing I know I'm looking for the website. This is a very well crafted book.
Alice, I'm due a rotation soon and I will be supporting this - In the meantime, I have rated this very highly and will comment more when I re-read it (didn't have my critic hat on.
Ian

This is terrific. Well written and absorbing. Even though you begin with simple details such as where you were born and lived, your writing has the quality of being instantly involving - at least it does for me. A fascianting subject, told from first hand and with a ready and waiting audience, I would think. Are you putting up any more?
Cariad.

A terrific opening chapter. The introduction is a tremendous piece of writing and the other two are equally strong, but for different reasons. Highly starred and remains on my WL for further reading.

I returned for a read of chapter 2. I cannot imagine the intensity of the emotions upon seeing the farmhouse in the distance and the relief of having a safe place with adequate food and safety. It's so beautifully written. I will definitely go to your website :) Thank you for posting it on autho.

Alice, I look forward to your feedback on my book when you have a chance.
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

This book should nominated for award when it comes out. It is a powerful literature. Imagine, there is poem in it. See i have given your book six outstanding.

This is a winner. Told factually and with narrative that is flawless as any history book. This is an important book because no one knows this part of the war and how innocent civilians are always caught between ruling governments who have no thought about their people. I am giving it six sstars and am backing it.

Alice, the detail in your work is wonderful and the content intelligent. This is clearly a subject of which you know a great deal and you write with a kind of smouldering passion that is just a delight. there is an underlying inevitability
about the tale that grabs at the senses. Difficult for me to describe but I was sure drawn in to the story. These are just a few short coffee break notes but I promise to return to your work very soon. You know your craft well.

regards

Cyrus Hellion 2

Oh, I meant to also say that another incredibly powerful and fascinating read for me was Twenty Letters to a Friend written by Stalin's daughter, Svetlana Alliluyeva aka Lana Peters.
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Tears flowed as I read chapter 1. What an immensely powerful chapter, probably because I could identify with so much of the oppression you are describing. The similarities between the reign of fascism and communism for me growing up in Romania had me in goosebumps. I look forward anxiously to read chapter 2.
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Well written and on historical count. please with this book. Oh, poor girl, brother was taken to work in war zone then taken as prisoners of war.
taken away to rescue camps. further understanding about Mosilini and more of 1984.

Brilliant, well done.

I think you could afford to make more of the literary references that you begin when you mention Orwell's books.

I think it would be difficult to get right but you could add a sort of side narrative which perhaps discusses the international outlook, the propaganda, and other media aspects.

Does Italian Fascism have more in common with Spanish Fascism for instance.

You mention the Allied Radio as well, what is that like exactly?

This subject matter could be intertwined or could take place in separate chapters depending on stylistic concerns.

I think it would be worthwhile thinking on this because as it is I don't truely believe Madelene is telling the story, (apart from during the introduction,) so I kinda want the story to encompass more that just the period as it happens to her... if that makes sense.

In any case I think you need to either ditch the 1984 reference or hit it up in status.

Enjoyed it very much, informative, very well researched and entertaining.

Excellent, plus plus plus.

Thanks and Regards

Kit

It's a great opening chapter and it gets you hooked because we know we are building to the drama of the brother being taken away.

You then very clearly and concisely present a story which teaches the reader about a subject, I at least, didn't know very much about.

Although we know loads in Britain about Nazi Germany we don't study Italian Fascism in the same depth.

I love your comment about 1984 at the end because, yes this all does remind the reader of Orwell's themes there.

I do however wonder if you should be so explicit in your reference to the book; would your narrator be aware of the book at this time, or can she just notice the particular aspects to which you are alluding?

It might be better to more tightly weave in these themes as they appear and allow the reader to have the brainwave of realising "oh, this is all a bit 1984."

Cheers, I'll read 2&3 now.

Kit

Hi Alice,

Sorry it's taken me so long to get round reading this.

It's great! Very informative and extremely well written. I like the PoV and the narrative, its very engaging for the reader - as if I'm actually being spoken to by Maddalena. It's also a very refreshing viewpoint on the subject at hand, an introspective account of Italy in WW2.

Cheers,
Adam

Dear Alice,
Of course, as you indicate, there was something of a north-south divide and also various perspectives on Mussolini. Many Italians saw him, initially at least, as the man who got things done, got the trains running on time, built new towns in depressed areas and so on. But the war distorted everything and allowed the other side to come through. Your book is therefore an especially interesting tale from 'on the ground' so to speak and consequently an important part of Italian social history.
I wish you every success with it.
Kind regards,
Uncas

Maddalena. Yes, I remember now, Italy's part in the second World War, from my studies many years ago. You give a vivid, fluid account, and the first person brings those times alive.

Ch.1-2 Even though the story is told in longish, unbroken paragraphs which are especially hard to read on computer, you make it interesting with your easy flowing style.
And the personal anecdotes add realism to the historical facts.
Love the little detail of Zia Louisa changing her dress before running for shelter. And your description of the farmhouse and its ambiance is beautiful.

I have, indeed, enjoyed reading the smaple of your book!

Jane (Breath of Africa).

Dear Alice

I am so glad I found your book, "Maddalena, Daughter Of The Wolf". What an interesting, authentic and engrossing account of life it Italy in the 1930's and 1940's. I have read your intro and chapter 1, and been thoroughly engaged.

Your tone is conversational. The period you write about is fascinating and rather under-represented in the plethora of literature about WW2. The Italian experience is often glossed over, yet here it is, as a piece of social history. Educative and lively, I would have no trouble reading all you have posted here, time permitting.

All the best with this.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx :)

interesting on my wl. Have look at ache in my heart, 4 chapters 4 dirrerent topics, some for everyone's interest. Distress is beneficial for modern day stress remedy.

Hello Alice-
book- Maddalena- daughter of the wolf-

Well done Maddalena; you have made a very good attempt to get a book going-
It will do well as a pocket sort of book, for a quick read when one is travelling
I found it very well researched and containing loads of historical information about the situation ; as was
in Italy after the German invasion--;and making for a very good read-
Your book will be of interest to social historians in years to come-

good luck
tom bye Dublin Ireland
We had our own trouble with the Germans- see chapter 12 in my book- depicting the bombing of Dublin inner city the them- and we were a neutral country and had an agreement with them that it would not happen-
thanks

This was very intriguing, well researched and well written. I have a soft spot for Mussolini. He reminds me of a young Marlon Brando with gout.

First person is very tricky, well done,
Best Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

MADDALENA-DAUGHTER OF THE WOLF
This is an interesting spotlight on a virtual unknown person in history. Beginning this by recounting how Italy entered WWII was interesting. I realized after reading only the first few pages, there was a lot I’ve never heard about Italy’s involvement. Maddalena is an interesting person to follow because she’s so innocent as to what is happening around her. If I had a suggestion it would be to break your large paragraphs into smaller ones. Large paragraphs makes this appear as if it’s more of a history textbook than a novel, and that’s a disservice to the book. It’s much more interested than a textbook. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

This is fascinating material, told from a viewpoint that is fresh and first hand. I realise your book is already published, but for me, the impact of it would have been even greater if you had begun with Maddelena's 'normal' life, before her brother was arrested. We need more of her voice before you describe the bigger political picture.

A huge compliment from someone that, by virtue of your qualifications as an Historian, is far more likely to know what you are talking about.
Thank you so much.
Alice

An amazing and thought provoking work told from a unique and little considered side of history. Excellent work Alice, good luck.

Jack

I wasn't aware you were a teacher, and that I was here to learn from you.

It is staggering that you have made an assumption that Maddalena justifies the behaviour of Mussolini or Hitler when you haven't read the book! She does no such thing.

But having said that, 'real' war experiences are not like Hollywood; there are/were no straight-down-the-line 'goodies' and 'baddies'. Sometimes baddies are/were a bit good, and sometimes all those 'John Wayne ' heroes that you have been indoctrinated to believe only behaved impeccably, did/do some bad stuff.

Virtually the whole book is dialogue - she is telling her story.

Maddalena and I are very happy that the 1,000 + purchases of the book so far, and the numerous emails of praise, are a pretty good reflection on how well this book has been received.

It is sometimes a good idea to put your ingrained prejudice aside and see how someone else viewed these momentous events without being so judgemental, especially as Maddalena actually lived through it.

Also, for reference, Maddalena has had complete editorial control. This is her story.

"So in actuality you've learned nothing - I mean don't you think the beginning of a book is important? This is what hooks the reader. This is what makes them read or buy the book. In my comments I made a number of valid points that I thought would help to make this a better read. So really what you are saying is that I should read the entire book in the hope of coming to some dialogue etc - I've just realised you are the person that wrote that Hitler was quite a good person in the beginning, the same as Mussolini. Eh? Do you think they just suffered from a bad press and that deep down they were just simply misunderstood? With comments like that which, I find offensive, I think that just about sums up your ineptitude to grasp what the Second World War was about. You are the person that is responsible for the telling of this woman's life story - it is a pity you cannot take a position in the background - it is not about you, it is about her. - Mick