BACON FINNEGAN

Bacon Finnegan........what a classic name, instantly unforgettable. The subject matter your have chosen is appealing to so many (including myself). Can't wait to get right into this. On my watchlist and ready to move to the shelf.

Tim H
Hellbound

I am positive this would be uber popular if it were to bepublished. You are tapping into not only all the wizard fans who are left over from the Potter-mania but also the kids who adore LOTR and the stories about Merlin.
You have a quirky and engaging story here. It is filled with fantastical fun. And Bacon, oh Bacon, what an MC. I love his voice. I love his attitude. At times I found myself saying, Poor Bacon. Which is great.
I know it will turn around for him. But seriously, this is a great read. One I would love to read to my children, you know when and if I have them.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Hi TA!

What a fun read this is for a children's story! The kids will love this - interesting, colorful characters, the plotline and premise are engaging, and your easy-to-read style makes this perfect for the audience you are targeting! Great job - I'm happy to back this!

Kim
Invisible Justice

By updating the Merlin myth, you will undoubtedly engage a whole new generation of readers, who are better able to identify with time travel and androids, than with medieval magic, although you've kept a bit of that in for good measure. The quality of your writing is superb, and it lends itself to being read quietly in a corner, or being read aloud to a bedtime audience, and that is the measure of a good children's/YA book. It has all the ingredients to be winner - characters one can relate to, an exciting story with lots of twists and turns, and sublime imagery. Great stuff, and it's on my shelf. Best wishes, Tony.

I am a new author and would greatly appreciate a quick read it is only 5 chapters and think it a an a decent story so far and will return all reads will give me a chance. I am looking more for pointers than anything else if you love great, but if not please tell me all the same I WILL return the read and back it if I like it. Thanks David It is called Forsaken a not so human man who banished himself to the shadows for 60 years until now. Please consider I am new here and anything would be appreciated.

You just know when a writer calls their MC, a name like Bacon Finnegan, they have a bright, somewhat quirky imagination and this doesn't disappoint.
I'm no judge on YA's and Fantasy, but I do know good writing and a story which will appeal and this has to be one of them. Good characters, wizardry, the much loved Merlin, an eye for detail, clean accessible writing and an absorbing story, what's not to grab the attention of your target readers?
On my shelf very soon and starred on the way. Margaret.

Hi T.A. I saw your message to Fred, can't see your latest work on here? Anyhow, I had a look at Bacon Finnegan and have the following comments. They may be of use (or not!).
1. Hook and synopsis: spot on. Clear, concise and we can see exactly where the marketing potential is. Ideal premise for the YA market.
2. Ch1: Is the second para a better hook? It's more immediate and different. Remember, you want to catch the attention of YAs!
3. Seizure; think about POV. Bacon's having the seizure, but it feels like we're witnessing it rather then experiencing it through him.
4. Voice generally: your dialogue is very much Bacon (loved Blorking) but when we're in his internal voice, he sounds more like an adult. Think about the para 'He spoke...doing so.' That to me sounds like an adult, not a 15 year old boy. The pirate description also. Ask yourself: how would Bacon say what he sees? Your narrative as well as your dialogue has to match up with your POV.
5. Your descriptions of technology are fabulous: vivid, real. It's almost like we hold the objects in our hands. Apply the same skill to your environment descriptions. The ship feels a bit generic: make it real in the same way you have the technology.
6. Difficult relationship with the father is interesting, sets up some conflict.
7. You have a lot of narrative in chapter one. Think about more dialogue. Remember, your audience is YA.
8. Ch 2: I couldn't help thinking that your hook is in this chapter. Bacon finds out he's adopted, he has to escape before he's made a slave, he has supernatural powers. To me, this is where your story takes off and that's what your audience will want to read. So a lot of what comes before is therefore set up and backstory.
9. Your description of Bacon's supernatural powers is brilliant.
10. Loved how he got his name! And this snappy piece of dialogue 'shows' us tons of his backstory without having to 'tell' us a word. Do you see the difference?
11. Ch 3: I couldn't quite locate the game of hide and seek. For dozy readers like me, you need to be more explicit!
12. Hook at the end of chapter 3: watch and birthmark: great.

I hope that the above doesn't read as too negative. I can absolutely see why you got a full request. (I've had 4 and numerous partials in the last couple of years, and I'm still hoping too!). But to me, there's a few craft issues to be ironed out. They aren't anything major and you have bags of talent as well as a fabulous premise. Even more importantly, you've a character that will lend himself to any number of books. Very best of luck, I'm sure you'll succeed. Collyn Gale (The Canterbury Witnesses)

Read this before. Don't understand why its only now at 4000 odd.
A very good read, imaginative story.
Backed.

So T.A. I started this book some time ago and cannot see that the backing showed so seeing that I believe it is well worth it i am BACKING it again, and might add giving MORE COMMENTS.....
Best of luck
Would you review my book, different genre, but please comment. thanks, and if you so wish, back my book thanks
Denise
The Letter

Dear T. A., I love that your wonderful story reminds me of the Terminator TV Series which is now cancelled - you have brought back time travel which I loved. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Hi T. A., This transported to the futurist time with the equipment and Bacon’s abilities with it. I’d think that young readers would be fascinated since the uses of the technology are usually told right away – until Bacon takes his pack of things to the pirate ship. It was funny when he encountered the pirate – good dialogue. The writing is firm and although it is technical, the story itself has prominence. Bacon’s personality also comes through, even when he’s not allowed to express himself with his father. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

You have created an excellent MC in Bacon Finnegan - love the name by the way. What you have posted so far is well written and well paced.Your use of imagery is excellent, the dialogue flows smoothly and all of this coupled with your imagination and descriptive writing style ensures that your finely crafted story will appeal to children. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

T.A. where did this incredible book come from. I thought I would get inside your head but instead you are in my head. With these colorful characters that just pop. This has everything even space, everything that is needed for a good seller. I have not read it all, I also see it is incomplete. You are so close to the editors top I do wish you to put up the rest of the story. Anything with the name Merlin in is sure to hit. BACKED .......If you would review 'The Letter' and give your 'comments' and 'backing', I would appreciate it. and BEST of luck.

Denise
The Letter

Many have said it better than I can...this should be a big hit with younger readers and has all the hallmarks of a successful commercial paperback...I wish you the best of luck with it...
Stewart

Love this. Brilliant take on Merlin. Excellent mix of Sc-Fi & Fantasy.
A New Genre Sci-Fa?
Backed with pleasure
Abel Kane
The Alchemists' Cookbook

I love this premise, and your beautiful writing style makes it fantastically unique. Other people have alreadysaid the name is unforgettable, and the classic fantasy is gripping right from the start.

Backed with pleasure!
Abi xxx

BACON FINNEGAN
T. A. Northburg

I was looking for a story to read for pleasure, something connected with Merlin. I found Bacon Finnegan. I am so glad I discovered this adventure. It's a great read. Great! I'm going to back it for sure.

Chapter 5, Paragraph One, and those that follow – Brilliant! You take a happening, never experienced by anyone I know, and make it real. You tell us exactly how it feels. That is so superb. I can see you know your job as a writer.

Ahhh teleportation watch, techno glasses, levitation boots. All sorts of gadgets. In addition to being Merlin's grandson, Bacon just might also be a young James Bond.

IC32 is really growing on me. He says the funniest things and it breaks up any tension or just something ordinary that is happening at the moment. That is a great device. His comments take a lot of imagination.

My only alert: Chapter One, that all important one that gets read first, needs spell check. Saw several typos.

Oh no! Chapter Eight leaves me hanging.

Please say you have more coming soon and let me know when you do.

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

Bacon Finnegan

What an amazing story, with an amazing character.
You have such a great take and the opening sword fight is so good.
The sensory descriptive narrative grounds this and gives it depth, but it is Bacon who is the true hero. Immense imagination has created an immensely great story. Who needs an I.Q of more then 32?

Hello T.A. I can't resist a good Merlin story and this connection to his grandson reeled me in. The concept of your story being so futuristic as well really makes this different. I liked the unconcious vision Bacon had, it is well described, and the birthmark works well. The build up to show Bacon's unhappiness is put across perfectly. This is science fistion with a twist and will be loved by its target audience. Best of luck to you! mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

I love the idea of this Merlin's grandson, hasn't been done. I like the opening and couldn't help shivering when he stepped onto the cold floor with bare feet, I hate that ouch! Excellent pace to this and easy to read, excellent idea and very nicely done. Backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Just found this and what a treat! Verily a once and future adventure tale! Merlin books are always a winner with me. Jim Dacry The Firelord's Crown

What an imaginative story. Good characters. Good settings. It's clever to base this on the legend of Merlin. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

TA, I enjoyed your first chapter. I liked the dialogue, which I think can still be improved a bit. For instance, where you have "What is there to be happy about?" can be shortened to "What's there to be happy about?"

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

A work extending a wonderful story for YA has merit, in my opinion. The "IQ32" character's name introduces an interesting relationship when combined with sword-play leading toward more connections within the storyline. How much more intelligent is IQ31 ? Better circuit boards, I guess. Backed Chuck

Excellent name, firstly. Catchy and memorable. Thumbs up for that. As well, the setting in itself is intriguing. Kind of gave a Star Wars feel with the robot though.

At the part where he learns about his parents, I didn't get a very emotional reaction from the words. That could have been improved by building anger up earlier. He was a touch too calm too late.

Other than that, putting this on watch and possibly backing it later. ;) Keep penning!

- Lily C, author of Furies' Game

What a top idea as the Merlin story has been written to death.

Nicely written.

Happily backed

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

T.A.
This is a new concept - what happened to Merlin's grandson? Bacon is racing around like a little action man, but with emotion. Going to go down well with the litluns. Backed. Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

A very original plot idea. The combination of Merlin and his magic with spaceships and the marvels of Science Fiction is something which is unexpected. The first reaction is to wonder if this can work. Well, reading this book, I can say that for me, it does. My natural attraction is to the Merlin side, not the Sci Fi. But you combine the two so well, it's not a problem. Bacon's sword play, interrupted by the dream / vision of the sword on the stone table, conjures up the whole magical world of fantasy, especially the Authurian fantasy of the sword in the stone. We are drawn into it easily, and when Bacon returns and knocks the sword out of QI32's grasp, it's both exciting and enthralling. The docking of the cargo also has old world touches, in the titles used, 'Captain,' and 'Cargo Master,' rather than anything more hi tech. The story of Bacon's parents, just a little given at this stage, is a great hook to read on. Bacon is a very real boy. His attitude to his father, John, is so typical of teenagers, and his eagerness to find his natural parents is clearly about to send him on a quest. A great story, which I'd enjoy reading to the end. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

There is some good writing here; it flows very well throughout the story

There is a natural stream of writing that seems to have all the elements of a great YA novel

You are a good writer and the themes are compelling

This is the type of book I would buy and give to friends

Job well done

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Maddox - v - Finnegan sets the scene well for the target audience. Reads easily and is properly written with very few errors. Has that commercial feel.
Backed
Mark
Another Day in Paradise
PS I would appreciate a return read / comment / backing. Thanks.

Hi T.A.-After reading the first chapter, I find your way of blending both sci-fi, fantasy, and history together(which must have been difficult and not easily done)very intriguing! I've always loved the stories of King Arthur, Merlin, and others. But Merlin seems to be a bit more of a mystery, which is why I am enjoying this story as it brings him more to life. For all we know, he could have really had a grandson! Just a couple things, you mis-spelled "mantally" which is actually "mentally" at the part getting ready to spar. In the part of the italics, first paragraph, you need a comma after the word "running", else it's a run on sentence. Maybe a couple places there might need to be a comma, but not sure as I'm still learning as well. Good luck with this and happily shelved!
Sarah-Return of the Past

I've only had time to read the first couple of chapters and dip into the rest, but I love how you've got into the head of this teenage boy, and I love his name - Bacon Finnegan!! Brilliant. Backed

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Wow-- what a lot of fun this is! Just the name Bacon is enough to grab me, but I was really happy with the quirky telling of the tale. I'm afraid I'm a bit feverish tonight, so I shall simply shelve this for now and return for coherent comment soon.

Ruth/Base Spirits

I love the name Bacon Finnegan, I'm not convinced of this first chapter yet, this kind of fantasy isn't my bag.

Bacon Finnegan........what a classic name, instantly unforgettable. The subject matter your have chosen is appealing to so many (including myself). Can't wait to get right into this. On my watchlist and ready to move to the shelf.

Tim H
Hellbound

TA Norburg

I raced to the end of your loaded chapter one......Brilliant read, and that's from someone not overly into wizzards.....I read your prologue to my son (off school on a snow day)......'Wicked ' he said.....Er, I know that's only one word, but you dont get much more than that out of him......So that's the equivalent of a New York Times thumbs up.....

Shelved with pleasure and best wishes for 2010

I could swear that I backed this ages ago, but I see no sign of comments from me. Funny thing, the book's been in the top spot of my WL for eons! Which was why I assumed I had shelved it already. I must have old-timer's disease.

Not much I can add to the comments. I would enjoy reading this with my grandkids! Of course I love anything with Merlin or even remotely Arthurian.

Best wishes with this!

Hi T.A. Your pitch promises a lot happening in this novel.
Read the first few chapter. Very nice writing. Good development. Comfortable to read which is a good quality in my opinion. All in all, I think it's a darn good job. On my shelf.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

A nice read for the youngsters.
Your style effectively targets this market.
Dialogue, description, reading age... all suited.

Good luck with Bacon Finegan.

BACKED



please read Dream Diamond ASAP, and if worthy, BACK, without comment if nescessary.

I am positive this would be uber popular if it were to bepublished. You are tapping into not only all the wizard fans who are left over from the Potter-mania but also the kids who adore LOTR and the stories about Merlin.
You have a quirky and engaging story here. It is filled with fantastical fun. And Bacon, oh Bacon, what an MC. I love his voice. I love his attitude. At times I found myself saying, Poor Bacon. Which is great.
I know it will turn around for him. But seriously, this is a great read. One I would love to read to my children, you know when and if I have them.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Bacon's world, powers, and the discovery of his parentage are great hooks. Nice work unfolding an intriguing story. I'm happy to back this.
Sandy
Orphan and a Half

What a refreshing story line! I know students in my library would love this. It's going to ED! BACKING!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly
The Hobble Knobble Gobble Tree

What a great read for children. You have your audience down pat. SHELVED!

Could use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

Hi T.A.,

When this popped up in my newsfeed today (I'm friends with Kim). I clicked over and recognized your user name from the forums. But then I realized that while your name was familiar, your book title wasn't - which is surprising because, judging by the pitch, it has so many of my favorite things! I decided to give it a long-overdue peek - I jotted down some notes as a reader, since I don't feel I know enough as a writer to give good advice. These are the things that jumped out at me and interrupted the flow of the story, or bits I really liked. I hope you find these comments helpful.


~ "All that was good turned to poison" - for some reason, this seemed to be a bit too heavy-handed. I think you could cut that sentence, and it would flow better. However, if I'm the only person to point it out, please feel free to ignore me. :)

~ "Blorking door" - it must be the geek in me, but I love made-up swear words!

~ You've got the voice of a newly-turned teenager down pat - I should know, having one about to turn, and one who turned almost two years ago.

~ Great note to end the chapter on.

I could see my aforementioned kidlets (plus my precocious nine year old) really enjoying this story - especially knowing how much I enjoyed it myself. Shelved!

~Traci
Tangled Web

Hi TA!

What a fun read this is for a children's story! The kids will love this - interesting, colorful characters, the plotline and premise are engaging, and your easy-to-read style makes this perfect for the audience you are targeting! Great job - I'm happy to back this!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Maddox Finnegan

Hi TA,

Wow, what an interesting idea, taking the Merlin myth and dropping it well into the future. A great opening, lots of action and also the opportunity to show us Maddox's familial predicament. This all helps pile on the sense of sympathy for him, a strong and important early emotion to establish in the reader. I liked the short chapters and the use of good, slick dialogue to drive us along. It all worked well. I was intrigued enough to read further than I normally do and try as I might I couldn't find any glaring nitpicks (a good thing.) You have taken an inherently interesting idea and breathed a fresh and different life into it. Well done, deserves to do well. If you have the time to look at my book I would be grateful.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

I liked how this opens. Maddox should be fun to read about. I did think that at the end of chapter 1 you could have only three lines -- five seemed a bit much (perhaps "adopted family") or something shorter. It felt a bit overdone to me although I liked the one line paragraphs for effect.

I read on through chapter 2 and noticed that a number of your paragraphs (prior chapter 2) start with 'Maddox' or 'he'. It flows well, but you may want to consider varying sentence structure from 'name/verb' a bit if the trend continues. That was really the only suggestion I could come up with -- overall good read and appropriate to the audience.

I read a lot of sci-fi and noticed the android. ‘IQ32 could go on for days without tiring.’ Suggests he might tire at some point.
‘on metal grate focusind’. You have ‘Mattox stood at attention…’ twice close to one another.
In chapter 3 the mention of building things from scrap reminds of one of the star wars films and the racing. His thoughts seem quite grown up for his age when he sees the blonde girl. ‘pointing at the man behind Maddox’ maybe ‘ the android’.

This is a fun read and I am sure this will appeal to the children. Apart from the couple of nit picks above, I didn’t notice any errors. It is well written and moves at a good pace as the plot develops. I am happy to back it.

Tony

By updating the Merlin myth, you will undoubtedly engage a whole new generation of readers, who are better able to identify with time travel and androids, than with medieval magic, although you've kept a bit of that in for good measure. The quality of your writing is superb, and it lends itself to being read quietly in a corner, or being read aloud to a bedtime audience, and that is the measure of a good children's/YA book. It has all the ingredients to be winner - characters one can relate to, an exciting story with lots of twists and turns, and sublime imagery. Great stuff, and it's on my shelf. Best wishes, Tony.

TA
This is an intriguing premise. I’m big fan of YA and the Arthurian myths, but throwing in Merlin as well rocketed me through your first 3 chapters without blinking. You certainly deliver, sir. This is great story telling. From the off I was initially in some dark age duel only to be surprised to find myself much further into the future. I like this opening a lot. It’s certainly a great attention grabber.
And the energy in your writing is great too. Its obvious you know exactly what you are doing and you do it in such an exciting way. Maddox is a worthy protagonist who should go down a treat with your target reader. I for one will be back to read more of his adventure. Very nicely done!
Shelved with my best wishes
David
Green Ore

This is a great story, TA. I love the whole idea of Maddox vs the wicked Warlock. You are clearly well versed with what does it for YA genre readers and I think you've produced a great novel with Maddox Finnegan. Backed with pleasure and wishing you lots of luck - Phil Rowan (Weimar Vibes)

Shelved. Tremendous story. I though he 1sr Ch excellent. then nhe 2nd, 3rd etc...
Love the android and his metaphors. . you got the kids mentality down pat. Plus
the attention to detail makes it come real. Congratulations, I'm sure till Ch 7 it's
hot stuff. Love the gadgets.
Suggestions.
It would be a pity not to publish this, by hook or by crook.
lots of luck with it..............Mikey The Free

TA,
Great writing. Maddox is a solid young character and you garner a lot of sympathy for the young load who is hidden away in the cargo hold with only a robot for a friend. Love the sword fighting action. Sounds like a boy ready to run away and promises great adventure all the making of a great YA novel. Hey, at least he has Tom Sawyer to read. This is a fun read, a real page turner. Good luck with it. Oh yeah, there is one typo at the line:
Maddox stood at attention on the metal grate focusind (d should be a g)
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

I liked the hint of mystery about Maddox behing hidden in the hold. I liked the mysytery of why Maddax had not celebrated his birthday for years and I liked the description of John and his refusal to yet another request. I am sorry I am not enthralled by robots or fencing so I found the beginning of your book too specialised for my taste. Your writing is smooth professional and well presented, of course. And I was more than happy to back it for that reason. I note from some of your comments they loved the opening paragraphs... so of course all comments are subjective. Good luck with this... Marion