Book Jacket

 

rank 5855
word count 14434
date submitted 05.12.2008
date updated 08.03.2013
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Children's, Young...
classification: universal
incomplete

BACON FINNEGAN

T. A. Northburg

We all know the legend of the great wizard, Merlin. Do you know the legend surrounding his grandson? The Universe is about to find out!

 

Bacon Finnegan, is Merlin’s lost grandson—he just doesn’t know it yet.

Meet young Bacon Finnegan. He just found a teleportation watch that accidentally transports himself and his friends from the Starship Ruby Darton to the planet of his destiny. He meets up with a White Witch who explains he is Merlin’s lost grandson and unleashes his magical powers. Bacon embarks on his quest to find seven hidden magical relics but first he must rescue his friends and defeat an evil Warlock, who is out to kill him. It is in this time of struggle that Bacon uncovers his deepest power—the ability to stop time and visit the present, past and future. Will this new-found gift propel him towards his destiny or destroy all of those around him?

"Bacon Finnegan: The Sword of Fire" is a YA adventure/fantasy/sci-fi crossover novel that chronicle the adventures of Merlin’s grandson through space and time. Commercially appealing to YA and middle-grade fantasy readers, and sci-fi/adventure fans, it is one of the few books that expand on the widely known legend of Merlin.

 
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adventure, atlantis, fairy tale, fantasy, greek mythology, magic, merlin, mythical creatures, mythology, relics, sci-fi, sorcery, swords, teleportatio...

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Triumph and Misery

FIFTEEN DREANS LATER . . .

 

Bacon Finnegan firmly gripped the rapier, then swung it backwards and forwards as he found its balance. He lifted the sword in front of his face, eyed his foe, then stepped sideways and steadied the blade in front of his body. Pointing the tip at his opponent, he positioned his feet in his fighting stance and prepared himself for battle. Bacon breathed deeply to calm his nerves, and to relax his muscles. Regardless of his efforts, every muscle in his body was tense as he went through his mental checklist as he prepared himself for the fight.

The android stood before Bacon, swinging his blade in the same fashion. However, the robot did it merely from programming, with no thoughts of preparing for combat. The android stood a good foot and a half taller than Bacon and was at least ten times stronger. He wore a one-piece grey bodysuit that blended into the surrounding stacks of carbon fiber cargo pods, making him look larger and more menacing than he really was.

Bacon stared at the android’s face. In their past sparring, he learned to focus on the white synthetic skin that stretched over its mechanical body. His head and hands contrasted against the dark background. That technique made it easier for Bacon to follow him during maneuvers.

They posed in their positions about fifteen kleet apart. Each held the hilt of the sword up near his face. The thin steel blades towered above their heads, waiting for the clashing of metal to begin. Bacon’s heart raced.

“Are you ready to do this?” the android asked.

“I have never been more ready,” Bacon said. “En garde!”

“En garde,” the android repeated. “Does this dress make me look fat?”

Bacon shook his head. Frasecs later, they sprang towards each other. Bacon and IQ32 engaged swords in the center of the arena marked by the stacked cargo pods. IQ32 set the tempo as the metal blades rang with the repeated slaps. For an android, he was very dexterous. He did not move like a stiff robot, and swordplay elevated his fluidity.

They took turns on the offense, beating with diagonal and horizontal cuts and then parrying, in defense of the other. As the fight drew on, the maneuvers became more complicated and intense. With spinning twists, overhead chops, and behind the back blocks, the tempered steel whizzed around their bodies without a single touch to the flesh.

With great skill and precision, Bacon used every move he knew to parry the android’s attacks and dodge his thrusts. This continued as Bacon moved from defender to attacker and back to defender again as each tried to de-sword the other.

Privately, Bacon had been working on his stamina. He used an old pod in the corner to practice hitting and increase his endurance. IQ32 could go on for rons without tiring, so Bacon had to last as long as he could. In the ten dreans of fencing lessons, he had never removed IQ32’s sword from his hand. Bacon was determined to change that toron.

Sweat beaded on his brow, below his almost-white spiky hair, and the slight perspiration caused his crimson, long-sleeved shirt to stick to his back. Already tiring, Bacon tried as hard as he could to remove IQ32’s sword. He accessed his photographic memory to hit his opponent with every move he was taught, but he just could not get the right positioning.

“Is that all you have—monkey brains?” IQ32 said, effortlessly fending off his attacks.

“No,” Bacon replied between breaths. “I have more!” He turned with the android, the tips of their swords locked together as they circled and measured each other.

“Show me what you have—boy!” IQ32 said, his head twitching to the side.

With that comment, Bacon’s frustration mounted and a deep anger welled up in his gut. Bacon stepped forward struck like a coiled snake. He slapped IQ32’s sword, hitting the blade high and inside. Then he had a revelation. In spite of the android’s nanotechnology and circuitry, he realized it was just an algorithm.

Why didn’t I think of this before?

Bacon had memorized the thousands of offensive and defensive moves. He was now seeing some of the same ones from the android.

This combination is familiar, Bacon thought. I know what’s coming next.

Do it—Do it now! the voice inside his head urged.

Yes . . . now!  he thought and steadied himself.

IQ32 would come from Bacon’s left, slap his sword twice then thrust. Bacon slid the tip of his sword down as the android slapped at him. IQ32’s blade slashed at nothing but air. Bacon twirled his tip around and up, launching IQ32’s sword into the air. He stood for a frasec in disbelief as the sword flew overhead and landed with a loud clink on the metal floor of the cargo hold, sliding across to the base of a pod. 

Bacon lunged into the air and pumped his fist violently, still holding the sword.

“YES—YES—YES—YES!” Bacon shouted, as he wildly leaped around his table. He savored the moment he became a “true swordsman” and reveled in the triumph. Ten long dreans he had wanted to do that . . . and now he had.

“Bacon!” a voice shouted from his right.

Bacon’s father stood between two cargo pods. His large hulking body filled the space. Every muscle in Bacon’s body tensed up.

“Bacon, let’s go!” John Finnegan barked. His sharp words bounded off the metal rafters. “We’re in orbit. A supply ship is about to dock and we have to accept and load her—that’s more important than your foolish sword fighting—get a move on!” John kicked the sword, sliding it towards IQ32.

As usual, his father’s words stung Bacon’s soul. All that was good turned to poison. With sulking eyes, Bacon watched his father turn and disappear around the corner.

Bacon turned from IQ32 and shuffled toward his wardrobe. He strapped on his utility belt as IQ32 put the swords back in their place on the wall. The android sat down with his back firmly against a cargo pod. He stretched his legs straight out and placed his arms at his sides as he reduced his functions to power save mode.

Choking back the mixture of emotion, Bacon kicked the door of the wardrobe shut. The corner of the steel door caught his shin.

Blorking door!” he said, cursing.

As he rubbed the sting away, he looked around at his meager surroundings. The corner of the cargo hold was not the typical starship room. Two of his four walls consisted of the backs of supply pods stacked up to the ceiling. His green, military-issue cot was jammed into the corner. At the foot of the thin bed, a desk was wedged against the wall. The giant wardrobe stood against the pods and a round, metallic table that sat solitarily in the center of the room.

His father would be angry with him if he dawdled. Rubbing the intense pain away, Bacon limped across the makeshift room, through the maze of pods and machinery, and met his father in the pressurized cabin of the docking chamber.

“What took you so long?” asked his father.

Nuttin’.” 

“Well, don’t let nuttin hold you up next time!”

He could tell it was going to be a horrible ron by his father’s bad attitude. Bacon needed his father to be in a good mood so he could ask him about having his fifteenth birthron party tomorrow.

Bacon stood at ease, his legs spread apart with his feet planted on the metal grate. He had pulled his arms behind his back, his right hand clenched into a fist held in the palm of his left hand. Bacon kept his back straight and his stomach pulled in, his chest slightly pushed out. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He did not like the confined spaces, especially that of the small pressure cabin. If he did not control himself, a panic attack would ensue.

Bacon focused on his father’s back. John stood straight and stiff in his dark blue military uniform. He looked like a toy soldier standing at attention, arms held tight against his body and hands pressed against his trousers just below his utility belt. Bacon tried to get his mind off of thinking about the closed in space they were in while the ship docked.

“Where’s the ship from?” he asked his father.

“Penal planet P347,” answered John.

“What’s the name of the prison there?”

Bacon always asked the name of the prisons on the penal planets that they supplied. He liked hearing their different names.

Zartacla,” answered his father.

“What kind of prison is it?”

“It is a maximum security prison,” John replied, giving him a crusty look.

“Who do they keep there?”

“Some of the galaxies most notorious and dangerous criminals are there,” answered John, stoutly.

Bacon waited for the supply ship to complete her lengthy docking procedures. He had been through them a thousand times at various ports with his father. However, with his phobia of enclosed and tight places, the process never went fast enough for him. Bacon stood at attention, waiting for the steel door to open. Large claws would clamp the ship into place in order for them to begin loading or unloading the cargo through the breezeway.

Waiting behind his father, Bacon’s palms began to sweat. His heart pounded in his chest, and his breathed more rapidly. The anticipation of thinking about asking his father for the party compounded his claustrophobia.

Finally, the large thud came from the other side of the door, the spaceship rocked, and the lights in the breezeway flickered for a moment. Then a second smaller ship flew in through the open bay doors and pulled up and docked next to the larger supply ship.

What is this ship doing here? There isn’t another ship on the docking schedule.

John punched in a code on the computer pad in front of him and the large hull doors closed. After a few dromels, pressurized air blew down from hundreds of vents and they were ready to unload the ship.

John stepped through the door and held it open, “Secure the smaller vessel first.” he ordered.

“Affirmative.” he replied in his father’s military lingo. He knew that his father wanted him to act like one of the crew when he was working with him.

Bacon double-timed it over to the smaller ship. The exterior was rough, scarred from what looked like hundreds of plasma bursts. There were several larger, charred, dents from what looked like encounters with small asteroids.

Bacon crouched, grabbed the electrical umbilical from the power port, and connected it to the ship. The external door to the ship slid open and a massive, burly man stepped onto the dock. His thick-soled, black leather boots thundered down onto the concrete. Bacon gazed at the Space Pirate towering over him. The pirate wore an oil-stained, red velvet coat that hung down past his waist, covering his sturdy canvas trousers. A velvet black, tricorn hat, adorned with a flamboyant bird’s feather stuck out over his forehead, shadowing his scraggly mono-brow and his sunken eyes. His tangled, black hair flowed nonstop into a mangy, braided beard that hung past the middle of his chest and covered the red sash he wore over his shoulder. The hilt of a dagger peeked over the top of his belt. By the looks of the brute, Bacon suspected the pirate had a small plasma pistol hidden in the sash.

Droogs. Space Pirates. Miners. Smugglers. Some of them had even taken up the old-fashioned name of Buccaneers. Whatever you called them, they were not good, and trouble always followed.

Bacon stood up and looked into the figure’s menacing, brown eyes. The man looked as if he had just stepped off the Jolly Roger. (The ship from one of his favorite Earth books.)

The only thing missing is a skull and crossbones flag, a beach, and a treasure chest.

The Droog, who was at least a kleet taller than Bacon and twice as big, hunched over until they were eye to eye. What’r you looking at, boy?” Spittle sprayed from his mouth, hitting Bacon in the face.

Er, nuttin’,” said Bacon, trying not to vomit from the stench of fermented apples, onions and rotten meat.

“Didn’t your father tell you, it ain’t polite to stare?”

“Didn’t your father tell you . . . don’t spray it, when you say it?” Bacon said wiping his face with his sleeve.

Just then, John walked up. “Dampier, it’s been a while. What brings you to this part of the galaxy?”

The Droog stared at Bacon another moment, shook his head, then turned and grabbed forearms with John. “I’m here to get supplies. You are a supply ship—right?” They pounded their chests in unison, as some kind of greeting. “By the way, you need to train your dog not to stare. I’d be happy to teach it a lesson for ya.”

John and the man laughed.

“Maybe later . . . it might do him good. Let’s get down to business first.” John looked back at Bacon disapprovingly.

Four more Space Pirates, dressed in similar fashion with black coats, canvas trousers, chunky boots, and mangy hair stepped off the ship. Bacon made a sour face as they neared, and he held his breath. They smelled as if they hadn’t showered in months. As they exited the ship, they each spit on Bacon’s boots before they followed their captain. Bacon stared at the Space Pirates and John with contempt. What he wouldn’t give to teach them a lesson or two.

Finally, the last two stepped onto the dock. They carried a large chest between them. Bacon imagined what was inside. Electronics. Treasure. Jewels. Weapons.

“Okay, time’s a wasting,” John said as the doors to the larger supply ship slid open, revealing rows of stacked UIF cargo pods. “Get busy. You have to load 2000 units.” His father pointed to the stacks on his left. “Check your manifest, do a cargo sweep, load them, and I’ll be back to check it when you’re done.”

John turned and placed an arm around Dampier’s shoulder. Bacon heard him talking into Dampier’s ear, “I have rooms ready for you and your men. You can wash up, get some rest, and then we can pick up where we left off last time—if you know what I mean.”

“Good,” Dampier said and walked off with John.

Bacon watched John and the Droogs disappear through the doorway. Getting to work, he took out the thermoplastic TNAv buroprocessor out of the holster on his utility belt. He scanned the pods, matched them to the manifest, and activated the antigravity lifters. When he was done, Bacon climbed into the cockpit of the Hortog. The top half of the electric machine was a giant robot with arms. The bottom half was designed with triangular tank tracks that allowed him to move in any direction, while giving him the stability to tow the cargo.

In the miniature cockpit, Bacon put on the Virtual Reality helmet and slid his thumb over the print scanner that initiated the electric motor, and released the machine from its clamps on the wall. An initial rundown of the schematics of the machine confirmed power levels and balancers were in order. Next, he slid his hands into the VR gloves, moved his hands up and down and in an arching pattern and watched the arms of the unit follow the exact movements of the gloves. Satisfied, Bacon tilted his head forward and the machine sprung into action.

With the slight movement of the VR helmet, Bacon directed the Hortog towards the first set of pods. He grabbed the floating stack with the robotic arms, backed it out of the cargo hold crossed the concrete dock, guided it up the ramp into the supply ship’s hull, released the cases and returned for another load.

It took over five worlys to move and process 2000 units. Bacon returned the Hortog to the cargo hold, parked it in place, turned off the machine, and removed the VR gloves and helmet. As the clamps from the wall extended and secured the Hortog in place, John re-appeared.

“Done yet?”

“Yes, I just finished.”

“Just finished what?”

“Just finished . . . SIR.” Bacon said between gritted teeth.

John checked his work. “Rightlet’s get this ship back to its planet.”

Bacon followed John to the small chamber and the door closed with a giant thud sealing them from the docking bay. Bacon looked out the small porthole window into the cargo hold. His claustrophobia took hold off him again. He suppressed his urge to scream and drop to the ground in a ball. He strained as hard as he could to keep his thoughts off his early childhood nightmare.

 

Bacon was having fun playing in an empty cargo pod. When he pulled the lid closed he didn’t realize it would lock him in. He felt around for an escape handle in the faint green glow-in-the-dark light. He searched and searched but he could not find it anywhere. Several worlys went by—it seemed like an eternity. Then, panic set in when he realized he was trapped. He screamed and banged at the underside of the trunk lid hoping that IQ32 or John would hear, but no one came. As the faint glow of green light got dimmer, he curled up into a ball and sang himself to sleep. Finally, the lid opened and IQ32 pulled him out of the pod.

 

After that, IQ32 showed him the escape handle and explained that it would glow green in the darkness so he could find it. How was he to know that the glow-in-the-dark light was the escape handle to the trunk lid? He was only six!

 

It was from that ron onward that he had developed a fear of closed-in places. Since then he got panic attacks whenever he was in a small confined space. The chamber classified as one of those spaces.

Bacon stood up straight, took in a few deep breaths, and pressed his chest out. He mustered up his strength and choked back his anxiety as John went through his procedures.

The giant bay doors opened and a few dromels later the supply ship was released. Bacon watched through the window as the vessel slowly flew out of the docking bay doors and descended towards the penal planet they were orbiting.

John completed the shut down process and the doors came together tightly. Satisfied, John pulled his left hand up near his face. With his right hand, he tapped his watch.

“Captain St. Clair, this is Cargo Master Finnegan.”

“Cargo Master Finnegan, go ahead.”

“Supply ship has deported, bay is sealed, and we’re ready to leave orbit.”

“Roger!” replied the Captain.

With clenched teeth, Bacon stood behind his father as the air pressure changed in the bay as it was brought back to the pressure of the ship. Knowing he was almost out, Bacon fought back his fears and focused his thoughts on asking about his birthron.

Now it was the anticipation of asking that was about to cause him to explode. He was just waiting for the right time to ask.

With John, there was never a right time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapters

3

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Tim Hawken wrote 1223 days ago

Bacon Finnegan........what a classic name, instantly unforgettable. The subject matter your have chosen is appealing to so many (including myself). Can't wait to get right into this. On my watchlist and ready to move to the shelf.

Tim H
Hellbound

T.L Tyson wrote 1247 days ago

I am positive this would be uber popular if it were to bepublished. You are tapping into not only all the wizard fans who are left over from the Potter-mania but also the kids who adore LOTR and the stories about Merlin.
You have a quirky and engaging story here. It is filled with fantastical fun. And Bacon, oh Bacon, what an MC. I love his voice. I love his attitude. At times I found myself saying, Poor Bacon. Which is great.
I know it will turn around for him. But seriously, this is a great read. One I would love to read to my children, you know when and if I have them.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Kim Jewell wrote 1304 days ago

Hi TA!

What a fun read this is for a children's story! The kids will love this - interesting, colorful characters, the plotline and premise are engaging, and your easy-to-read style makes this perfect for the audience you are targeting! Great job - I'm happy to back this!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Onthedottedline wrote 1318 days ago

By updating the Merlin myth, you will undoubtedly engage a whole new generation of readers, who are better able to identify with time travel and androids, than with medieval magic, although you've kept a bit of that in for good measure. The quality of your writing is superb, and it lends itself to being read quietly in a corner, or being read aloud to a bedtime audience, and that is the measure of a good children's/YA book. It has all the ingredients to be winner - characters one can relate to, an exciting story with lots of twists and turns, and sublime imagery. Great stuff, and it's on my shelf. Best wishes, Tony.

Andrewallen82 wrote 76 days ago

I am a new author and would greatly appreciate a quick read it is only 5 chapters and think it a an a decent story so far and will return all reads will give me a chance. I am looking more for pointers than anything else if you love great, but if not please tell me all the same I WILL return the read and back it if I like it. Thanks David It is called Forsaken a not so human man who banished himself to the shadows for 60 years until now. Please consider I am new here and anything would be appreciated.

Margaret Anthony wrote 754 days ago

You just know when a writer calls their MC, a name like Bacon Finnegan, they have a bright, somewhat quirky imagination and this doesn't disappoint.
I'm no judge on YA's and Fantasy, but I do know good writing and a story which will appeal and this has to be one of them. Good characters, wizardry, the much loved Merlin, an eye for detail, clean accessible writing and an absorbing story, what's not to grab the attention of your target readers?
On my shelf very soon and starred on the way. Margaret.

Collyn Gale wrote 767 days ago

Hi T.A. I saw your message to Fred, can't see your latest work on here? Anyhow, I had a look at Bacon Finnegan and have the following comments. They may be of use (or not!).
1. Hook and synopsis: spot on. Clear, concise and we can see exactly where the marketing potential is. Ideal premise for the YA market.
2. Ch1: Is the second para a better hook? It's more immediate and different. Remember, you want to catch the attention of YAs!
3. Seizure; think about POV. Bacon's having the seizure, but it feels like we're witnessing it rather then experiencing it through him.
4. Voice generally: your dialogue is very much Bacon (loved Blorking) but when we're in his internal voice, he sounds more like an adult. Think about the para 'He spoke...doing so.' That to me sounds like an adult, not a 15 year old boy. The pirate description also. Ask yourself: how would Bacon say what he sees? Your narrative as well as your dialogue has to match up with your POV.
5. Your descriptions of technology are fabulous: vivid, real. It's almost like we hold the objects in our hands. Apply the same skill to your environment descriptions. The ship feels a bit generic: make it real in the same way you have the technology.
6. Difficult relationship with the father is interesting, sets up some conflict.
7. You have a lot of narrative in chapter one. Think about more dialogue. Remember, your audience is YA.
8. Ch 2: I couldn't help thinking that your hook is in this chapter. Bacon finds out he's adopted, he has to escape before he's made a slave, he has supernatural powers. To me, this is where your story takes off and that's what your audience will want to read. So a lot of what comes before is therefore set up and backstory.
9. Your description of Bacon's supernatural powers is brilliant.
10. Loved how he got his name! And this snappy piece of dialogue 'shows' us tons of his backstory without having to 'tell' us a word. Do you see the difference?
11. Ch 3: I couldn't quite locate the game of hide and seek. For dozy readers like me, you need to be more explicit!
12. Hook at the end of chapter 3: watch and birthmark: great.

I hope that the above doesn't read as too negative. I can absolutely see why you got a full request. (I've had 4 and numerous partials in the last couple of years, and I'm still hoping too!). But to me, there's a few craft issues to be ironed out. They aren't anything major and you have bags of talent as well as a fabulous premise. Even more importantly, you've a character that will lend himself to any number of books. Very best of luck, I'm sure you'll succeed. Collyn Gale (The Canterbury Witnesses)

Fred Le Grand wrote 770 days ago

Read this before. Don't understand why its only now at 4000 odd.
A very good read, imaginative story.
Backed.

name falied moderation wrote 1053 days ago

So T.A. I started this book some time ago and cannot see that the backing showed so seeing that I believe it is well worth it i am BACKING it again, and might add giving MORE COMMENTS.....
Best of luck
Would you review my book, different genre, but please comment. thanks, and if you so wish, back my book thanks
Denise
The Letter

SusieGulick wrote 1053 days ago

Dear T. A., I love that your wonderful story reminds me of the Terminator TV Series which is now cancelled - you have brought back time travel which I loved. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

klouholmes wrote 1060 days ago

Hi T. A., This transported to the futurist time with the equipment and Bacon’s abilities with it. I’d think that young readers would be fascinated since the uses of the technology are usually told right away – until Bacon takes his pack of things to the pirate ship. It was funny when he encountered the pirate – good dialogue. The writing is firm and although it is technical, the story itself has prominence. Bacon’s personality also comes through, even when he’s not allowed to express himself with his father. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Andrew Burans wrote 1066 days ago

You have created an excellent MC in Bacon Finnegan - love the name by the way. What you have posted so far is well written and well paced.Your use of imagery is excellent, the dialogue flows smoothly and all of this coupled with your imagination and descriptive writing style ensures that your finely crafted story will appeal to children. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

name falied moderation wrote 1071 days ago

T.A. where did this incredible book come from. I thought I would get inside your head but instead you are in my head. With these colorful characters that just pop. This has everything even space, everything that is needed for a good seller. I have not read it all, I also see it is incomplete. You are so close to the editors top I do wish you to put up the rest of the story. Anything with the name Merlin in is sure to hit. BACKED .......If you would review 'The Letter' and give your 'comments' and 'backing', I would appreciate it. and BEST of luck.

Denise
The Letter

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 1079 days ago

Many have said it better than I can...this should be a big hit with younger readers and has all the hallmarks of a successful commercial paperback...I wish you the best of luck with it...
Stewart

Marcus Fisch wrote 1080 days ago

Love this. Brilliant take on Merlin. Excellent mix of Sc-Fi & Fantasy.
A New Genre Sci-Fa?
Backed with pleasure
Abel Kane
The Alchemists' Cookbook

A Knight wrote 1103 days ago

I love this premise, and your beautiful writing style makes it fantastically unique. Other people have alreadysaid the name is unforgettable, and the classic fantasy is gripping right from the start.

Backed with pleasure!
Abi xxx

Sharahzade wrote 1120 days ago

BACON FINNEGAN
T. A. Northburg

I was looking for a story to read for pleasure, something connected with Merlin. I found Bacon Finnegan. I am so glad I discovered this adventure. It's a great read. Great! I'm going to back it for sure.

Chapter 5, Paragraph One, and those that follow – Brilliant! You take a happening, never experienced by anyone I know, and make it real. You tell us exactly how it feels. That is so superb. I can see you know your job as a writer.

Ahhh teleportation watch, techno glasses, levitation boots. All sorts of gadgets. In addition to being Merlin's grandson, Bacon just might also be a young James Bond.

IC32 is really growing on me. He says the funniest things and it breaks up any tension or just something ordinary that is happening at the moment. That is a great device. His comments take a lot of imagination.

My only alert: Chapter One, that all important one that gets read first, needs spell check. Saw several typos.

Oh no! Chapter Eight leaves me hanging.

Please say you have more coming soon and let me know when you do.

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

Famlavan wrote 1123 days ago

Bacon Finnegan

What an amazing story, with an amazing character.
You have such a great take and the opening sword fight is so good.
The sensory descriptive narrative grounds this and gives it depth, but it is Bacon who is the true hero. Immense imagination has created an immensely great story. Who needs an I.Q of more then 32?

mariecapri wrote 1125 days ago

Hello T.A. I can't resist a good Merlin story and this connection to his grandson reeled me in. The concept of your story being so futuristic as well really makes this different. I liked the unconcious vision Bacon had, it is well described, and the birthmark works well. The build up to show Bacon's unhappiness is put across perfectly. This is science fistion with a twist and will be loved by its target audience. Best of luck to you! mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

Sandie Newman wrote 1128 days ago

I love the idea of this Merlin's grandson, hasn't been done. I like the opening and couldn't help shivering when he stepped onto the cold floor with bare feet, I hate that ouch! Excellent pace to this and easy to read, excellent idea and very nicely done. Backed with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Jim Darcy wrote 1133 days ago

Just found this and what a treat! Verily a once and future adventure tale! Merlin books are always a winner with me. Jim Dacry The Firelord's Crown

Burgio wrote 1135 days ago

What an imaginative story. Good characters. Good settings. It's clever to base this on the legend of Merlin. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lionel25 wrote 1177 days ago

TA, I enjoyed your first chapter. I liked the dialogue, which I think can still be improved a bit. For instance, where you have "What is there to be happy about?" can be shortened to "What's there to be happy about?"

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 1181 days ago

A work extending a wonderful story for YA has merit, in my opinion. The "IQ32" character's name introduces an interesting relationship when combined with sword-play leading toward more connections within the storyline. How much more intelligent is IQ31 ? Better circuit boards, I guess. Backed Chuck

Tiger-Lily wrote 1185 days ago

Excellent name, firstly. Catchy and memorable. Thumbs up for that. As well, the setting in itself is intriguing. Kind of gave a Star Wars feel with the robot though.

At the part where he learns about his parents, I didn't get a very emotional reaction from the words. That could have been improved by building anger up earlier. He was a touch too calm too late.

Other than that, putting this on watch and possibly backing it later. ;) Keep penning!

- Lily C, author of Furies' Game

Melcom wrote 1205 days ago

What a top idea as the Merlin story has been written to death.

Nicely written.

Happily backed

Melxx
UNICORN (crime/thriller)

Rosali Webb wrote 1210 days ago

T.A.
This is a new concept - what happened to Merlin's grandson? Bacon is racing around like a little action man, but with emotion. Going to go down well with the litluns. Backed. Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

gillyflower wrote 1215 days ago

A very original plot idea. The combination of Merlin and his magic with spaceships and the marvels of Science Fiction is something which is unexpected. The first reaction is to wonder if this can work. Well, reading this book, I can say that for me, it does. My natural attraction is to the Merlin side, not the Sci Fi. But you combine the two so well, it's not a problem. Bacon's sword play, interrupted by the dream / vision of the sword on the stone table, conjures up the whole magical world of fantasy, especially the Authurian fantasy of the sword in the stone. We are drawn into it easily, and when Bacon returns and knocks the sword out of QI32's grasp, it's both exciting and enthralling. The docking of the cargo also has old world touches, in the titles used, 'Captain,' and 'Cargo Master,' rather than anything more hi tech. The story of Bacon's parents, just a little given at this stage, is a great hook to read on. Bacon is a very real boy. His attitude to his father, John, is so typical of teenagers, and his eagerness to find his natural parents is clearly about to send him on a quest. A great story, which I'd enjoy reading to the end. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Esrevinu wrote 1217 days ago

There is some good writing here; it flows very well throughout the story

There is a natural stream of writing that seems to have all the elements of a great YA novel

You are a good writer and the themes are compelling

This is the type of book I would buy and give to friends

Job well done

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Mark Reece wrote 1217 days ago

Maddox - v - Finnegan sets the scene well for the target audience. Reads easily and is properly written with very few errors. Has that commercial feel.
Backed
Mark
Another Day in Paradise
PS I would appreciate a return read / comment / backing. Thanks.

Legend7 wrote 1220 days ago

Hi T.A.-After reading the first chapter, I find your way of blending both sci-fi, fantasy, and history together(which must have been difficult and not easily done)very intriguing! I've always loved the stories of King Arthur, Merlin, and others. But Merlin seems to be a bit more of a mystery, which is why I am enjoying this story as it brings him more to life. For all we know, he could have really had a grandson! Just a couple things, you mis-spelled "mantally" which is actually "mentally" at the part getting ready to spar. In the part of the italics, first paragraph, you need a comma after the word "running", else it's a run on sentence. Maybe a couple places there might need to be a comma, but not sure as I'm still learning as well. Good luck with this and happily shelved!
Sarah-Return of the Past

jahek wrote 1222 days ago

I've only had time to read the first couple of chapters and dip into the rest, but I love how you've got into the head of this teenage boy, and I love his name - Bacon Finnegan!! Brilliant. Backed

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Lady Calverley wrote 1222 days ago

Wow-- what a lot of fun this is! Just the name Bacon is enough to grab me, but I was really happy with the quirky telling of the tale. I'm afraid I'm a bit feverish tonight, so I shall simply shelve this for now and return for coherent comment soon.

Ruth/Base Spirits

Jason Rice wrote 1223 days ago

I love the name Bacon Finnegan, I'm not convinced of this first chapter yet, this kind of fantasy isn't my bag.

Tim Hawken wrote 1223 days ago

Bacon Finnegan........what a classic name, instantly unforgettable. The subject matter your have chosen is appealing to so many (including myself). Can't wait to get right into this. On my watchlist and ready to move to the shelf.

Tim H
Hellbound

paxie wrote 1227 days ago

TA Norburg

I raced to the end of your loaded chapter one......Brilliant read, and that's from someone not overly into wizzards.....I read your prologue to my son (off school on a snow day)......'Wicked ' he said.....Er, I know that's only one word, but you dont get much more than that out of him......So that's the equivalent of a New York Times thumbs up.....

Shelved with pleasure and best wishes for 2010

Debra wrote 1228 days ago

I could swear that I backed this ages ago, but I see no sign of comments from me. Funny thing, the book's been in the top spot of my WL for eons! Which was why I assumed I had shelved it already. I must have old-timer's disease.

Not much I can add to the comments. I would enjoy reading this with my grandkids! Of course I love anything with Merlin or even remotely Arthurian.

Best wishes with this!

John Harold McCoy wrote 1241 days ago

Hi T.A. Your pitch promises a lot happening in this novel.
Read the first few chapter. Very nice writing. Good development. Comfortable to read which is a good quality in my opinion. All in all, I think it's a darn good job. On my shelf.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Jupiter Echoes wrote 1243 days ago

A nice read for the youngsters.
Your style effectively targets this market.
Dialogue, description, reading age... all suited.

Good luck with Bacon Finegan.

BACKED



please read Dream Diamond ASAP, and if worthy, BACK, without comment if nescessary.

T.L Tyson wrote 1247 days ago

I am positive this would be uber popular if it were to bepublished. You are tapping into not only all the wizard fans who are left over from the Potter-mania but also the kids who adore LOTR and the stories about Merlin.
You have a quirky and engaging story here. It is filled with fantastical fun. And Bacon, oh Bacon, what an MC. I love his voice. I love his attitude. At times I found myself saying, Poor Bacon. Which is great.
I know it will turn around for him. But seriously, this is a great read. One I would love to read to my children, you know when and if I have them.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Sandy Grubb wrote 1253 days ago

Bacon's world, powers, and the discovery of his parentage are great hooks. Nice work unfolding an intriguing story. I'm happy to back this.
Sandy
Orphan and a Half

CamilleS wrote 1291 days ago

What a refreshing story line! I know students in my library would love this. It's going to ED! BACKING!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly
The Hobble Knobble Gobble Tree

soutexmex wrote 1295 days ago

What a great read for children. You have your audience down pat. SHELVED!

Could use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

InternetG33k wrote 1304 days ago

Hi T.A.,

When this popped up in my newsfeed today (I'm friends with Kim). I clicked over and recognized your user name from the forums. But then I realized that while your name was familiar, your book title wasn't - which is surprising because, judging by the pitch, it has so many of my favorite things! I decided to give it a long-overdue peek - I jotted down some notes as a reader, since I don't feel I know enough as a writer to give good advice. These are the things that jumped out at me and interrupted the flow of the story, or bits I really liked. I hope you find these comments helpful.


~ "All that was good turned to poison" - for some reason, this seemed to be a bit too heavy-handed. I think you could cut that sentence, and it would flow better. However, if I'm the only person to point it out, please feel free to ignore me. :)

~ "Blorking door" - it must be the geek in me, but I love made-up swear words!

~ You've got the voice of a newly-turned teenager down pat - I should know, having one about to turn, and one who turned almost two years ago.

~ Great note to end the chapter on.

I could see my aforementioned kidlets (plus my precocious nine year old) really enjoying this story - especially knowing how much I enjoyed it myself. Shelved!

~Traci
Tangled Web

Kim Jewell wrote 1304 days ago

Hi TA!

What a fun read this is for a children's story! The kids will love this - interesting, colorful characters, the plotline and premise are engaging, and your easy-to-read style makes this perfect for the audience you are targeting! Great job - I'm happy to back this!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Andrew W. wrote 1311 days ago

Maddox Finnegan

Hi TA,

Wow, what an interesting idea, taking the Merlin myth and dropping it well into the future. A great opening, lots of action and also the opportunity to show us Maddox's familial predicament. This all helps pile on the sense of sympathy for him, a strong and important early emotion to establish in the reader. I liked the short chapters and the use of good, slick dialogue to drive us along. It all worked well. I was intrigued enough to read further than I normally do and try as I might I couldn't find any glaring nitpicks (a good thing.) You have taken an inherently interesting idea and breathed a fresh and different life into it. Well done, deserves to do well. If you have the time to look at my book I would be grateful.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

B. J. Winters wrote 1313 days ago

I liked how this opens. Maddox should be fun to read about. I did think that at the end of chapter 1 you could have only three lines -- five seemed a bit much (perhaps "adopted family") or something shorter. It felt a bit overdone to me although I liked the one line paragraphs for effect.

I read on through chapter 2 and noticed that a number of your paragraphs (prior chapter 2) start with 'Maddox' or 'he'. It flows well, but you may want to consider varying sentence structure from 'name/verb' a bit if the trend continues. That was really the only suggestion I could come up with -- overall good read and appropriate to the audience.

Freeman wrote 1317 days ago

I read a lot of sci-fi and noticed the android. ‘IQ32 could go on for days without tiring.’ Suggests he might tire at some point.
‘on metal grate focusind’. You have ‘Mattox stood at attention…’ twice close to one another.
In chapter 3 the mention of building things from scrap reminds of one of the star wars films and the racing. His thoughts seem quite grown up for his age when he sees the blonde girl. ‘pointing at the man behind Maddox’ maybe ‘ the android’.

This is a fun read and I am sure this will appeal to the children. Apart from the couple of nit picks above, I didn’t notice any errors. It is well written and moves at a good pace as the plot develops. I am happy to back it.

Tony

Onthedottedline wrote 1318 days ago

By updating the Merlin myth, you will undoubtedly engage a whole new generation of readers, who are better able to identify with time travel and androids, than with medieval magic, although you've kept a bit of that in for good measure. The quality of your writing is superb, and it lends itself to being read quietly in a corner, or being read aloud to a bedtime audience, and that is the measure of a good children's/YA book. It has all the ingredients to be winner - characters one can relate to, an exciting story with lots of twists and turns, and sublime imagery. Great stuff, and it's on my shelf. Best wishes, Tony.

DMC wrote 1330 days ago

TA
This is an intriguing premise. I’m big fan of YA and the Arthurian myths, but throwing in Merlin as well rocketed me through your first 3 chapters without blinking. You certainly deliver, sir. This is great story telling. From the off I was initially in some dark age duel only to be surprised to find myself much further into the future. I like this opening a lot. It’s certainly a great attention grabber.
And the energy in your writing is great too. Its obvious you know exactly what you are doing and you do it in such an exciting way. Maddox is a worthy protagonist who should go down a treat with your target reader. I for one will be back to read more of his adventure. Very nicely done!
Shelved with my best wishes
David
Green Ore

Phil Rowan wrote 1330 days ago

This is a great story, TA. I love the whole idea of Maddox vs the wicked Warlock. You are clearly well versed with what does it for YA genre readers and I think you've produced a great novel with Maddox Finnegan. Backed with pleasure and wishing you lots of luck - Phil Rowan (Weimar Vibes)

mikegilli wrote 1331 days ago

Shelved. Tremendous story. I though he 1sr Ch excellent. then nhe 2nd, 3rd etc...
Love the android and his metaphors. . you got the kids mentality down pat. Plus
the attention to detail makes it come real. Congratulations, I'm sure till Ch 7 it's
hot stuff. Love the gadgets.
Suggestions.
It would be a pity not to publish this, by hook or by crook.
lots of luck with it..............Mikey The Free

Steve Ward wrote 1331 days ago

TA,
Great writing. Maddox is a solid young character and you garner a lot of sympathy for the young load who is hidden away in the cargo hold with only a robot for a friend. Love the sword fighting action. Sounds like a boy ready to run away and promises great adventure all the making of a great YA novel. Hey, at least he has Tom Sawyer to read. This is a fun read, a real page turner. Good luck with it. Oh yeah, there is one typo at the line:
Maddox stood at attention on the metal grate focusind (d should be a g)
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

marion wrote 1343 days ago

I liked the hint of mystery about Maddox behing hidden in the hold. I liked the mysytery of why Maddax had not celebrated his birthday for years and I liked the description of John and his refusal to yet another request. I am sorry I am not enthralled by robots or fencing so I found the beginning of your book too specialised for my taste. Your writing is smooth professional and well presented, of course. And I was more than happy to back it for that reason. I note from some of your comments they loved the opening paragraphs... so of course all comments are subjective. Good luck with this... Marion

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