Book Jacket

 

rank 101
word count 78911
date submitted 25.02.2012
date updated 13.05.2013
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: universal
complete

Warm-Up Kills

J P Hudson

UNITED STATES LEGISLATORS ARE BEING MURDERED.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE? WHY?

 

An upbeat party atmosphere sours in an instant when a U. S. Senator is shot dead inches from Bill and April Hamilton at a fund-raising barbeque in Rio Rancho. Shock and horror spreads as other members of Congress are assassinated across the nation. Nothing like this ever happens in America!
Are all U.S. legislators being targeted? If not, what do the murdered ones have in common? How can two Rio Rancho private citizens possibly help? And how is a homeless man called Teacup involved?
As Bill and Freddie start investigating, dangerous events follow. Shots fired in a parking garage. A last ride with a hitman. A bombing at a University. A siege in a panic room.
Why is a shadowy figure named Max acting as stage director behind the scenes?
The final surprising outcome may give you a new take on certain political theories. At the very least you will enjoy the ride as Bill and Freddie unravel the mystery ….

 
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tags

murder, mystery, political drama, suspense

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1

 

    I am a killer.  It took me some time after my first kill to come to that realization.  In fact, it was only after several kills that it finally sank in that killing is all I really wanted to do for a living.  It’s easy and pays fairly well.  Totally independent, I don’t have regular hours and have no boss except from the time I am hired until the assignment is done and I am paid in full, usually in a matter of a few days.

    Actually, I have never had honest employment.  Growing up, I also never developed friends, but my parents tried to help me blossom from a childhood of aimlessness by sending me to college in spite of their limited income.  Somehow, I earned a degree.  Had the college been anything but a degree mill, that would not have happened because I had no capacity to work hard toward any goal.  I remained totally lacking in ambition and a liberal arts degree qualified me for nothing but graduate school.  It did make me somewhat more polished than a high school graduate.

    It was at this point that my doting parents died in a car accident, leaving their only offspring with nothing.  They had depleted all their savings and had gone deeply in debt to “get me educated,” as they would say.  To continue my education, I would have to go to work in some menial job suitable for a student.  I would also need to apply to some state subsidized college graduate school with low tuition fees.  Even then, rely on a student loan to make ends meet.  None of that appealed to me, so I did nothing until my limited funds ran out.

The first kill was contracted by accident. Broke and destitute, I was approached by a woman in a bar who was desperate to find someone to eliminate her abusive husband.  She must have instinctively recognized my own desperation and guessed money would get me to do anything at that point.  She had money and I set a price that I thought too high.  She not only agreed to it, she paid me half on the spot.

    After killing her husband with the gun she provided, I returned to collect the rest of my fee.  She was so flakey, I feared she might confess to the police and name me at some point.  Of course, she had to be eliminated; again using the gun she had provided.  I supplemented my fee for killing her husband by taking the rest of the money from her purse.  She wouldn’t need it.

    My original intent was to use the money to tide me over until other work suitable for my talents became available; but, soon realized I liked having a little money to spend and certainly felt no remorse for those two kills.  In fact, I don’t really know what remorse means.  Not being burdened with it, my career path soon became clear.

    My reputation is now a word of mouth thing among petty criminals. Occasionally one of them is asked to do away with someone; usually a spouse or a business partner.  Then, they hire me as a subcontractor.  Usually they take their cut up front and then have me work out the details with the customer.  Once the fee and payment schedule is decided, I run the show.  Normally, neither the referrer nor the customer wants to know exactly how I plan to do the hit.  By living frugally, the money lasts until my next assignment is finished.

My biggest weakness is women.  Relationships with the ladies don’t last long however, and I often end up having to kill them for free because they may have learned too much about me.  The attraction seems to go both ways.  Women love me.  The image in my mirror has always told me I’m good-looking.   I sometimes linger in admiration when washing my face, shaving, or drying myself after showering.  I have blue eyes and regular features and could have been a movie star, I reckon.  My wavy auburn hair is an especially valuable asset.  Also, I have never felt the need to adorn myself with jewelry or tattoos.  Such things are only needed by less handsome men and would work against one of my other goals; to be hard to describe if seen around a crime scene.  T-shirts or sweat shirts, jeans, and comfortable shoes are my favorite wearing apparel.  I need no expensive clothes to attract the ladies.  (I almost forgot – I always wear baseball caps to hide my face when necessary.  And, I vary the colors.  The T-shirts, sweats and caps are always plain and have no writing or other adornments to identify me.) 

        The work takes me all over the country and I turn down more jobs than I accept.  That’s because I am careful.  So careful that I have never been caught; that is until recently.  My fingerprints and DNA have never been found at a scene as far as I know.

    So, how did I get caught this time?  Because of the mistake of accepting several jobs from the same customer and the failure to eliminate a woman because she escaped from a fire I set.

    My name is Max.

 

    I drove my ancient Ford directly to a filling station.  I had been given back my life savings of fifty dollars when released from the Sandoval County lock-up, after being told that the charges of kidnapping and attempted murder by arson had been dropped because the only witness, Callie Cox, had refused to testify.  I didn’t know why.  Since my fingerprints and DNA were now on file, there was no longer any necessity to kill her.  Unfortunately, I now had a police record.  An arrest and arraignment would now forever appear next to my name.  Still, it would be possible to function in my chosen profession as long as I continued to leave no evidence.

    I had also learned that my old client – the one I had killed for several times – was now dead.  For this I was actually relieved because he had known too much about me.  (It’s a mistake to do more than one job for the same person.)  With him gone, the future would have seemed rosy but for the facts that I had no home except the old car, no money except the fifty dollars, and no job prospects.

 

    During my short stay in the lockup, my old car had been picked up and parked at his low class dive by Sidney, one of the petty criminals I referred to earlier.  (Last names are not important.  I never use mine, for example.)  I had called him on my cell as the cops approached to arrest me.

    When my prepaid cell was returned, along with other personal effects on my release, I called him to pick me up.  While driving him back to his saloon, I let him know about our future relationship.

    “You won’t see me again, Sidney.”  (Never call him ‘Sid’.  Pisses him off for some reason.)  “I’ll be changing my email and prepaid phone and you won’t be able to find me.  I’ll also warn my other contacts not to help you contact me.”

    “Why?”

    “The police probably know you.  You know me.  They probably know you know me.  Too dangerous.  I do have copies of your emails, so if I do go down, so will you.  But if I hear you are talking about me to anybody, I’ll order a hit on you.  My contacts know other people like me.”

    “Max, I don’t like threats.  I’ll never rat on you.”

    “I don’t like threats either.  This is just to make things clear.  I’ll miss you starting today, but if you die soon, I’ll not miss you any worse.

    “By the way, I will send you some money when I get some to cover you holding my car for me.  Also, the cops took everything out of it and didn’t return my fake driver’s licenses and ID’s.  Bastards.  I’ll have to replace all that stuff.

    “Well, goodbye Sidney.”

    “Bye Max.”

    Sidney had not looked back when he walked across the dusty unpaved parking lot to his ratty old dive.  I thought as he walked away, I will send him a grand when I get it to spare to keep him having good memories of me.  I don’t think he will rat on me, though.  Has too much to lose.  I hadn’t made copies of any of his emails, but he didn’t know that.  Keeping copies would have been too dangerous for me as well as Sidney.

 

    I carefully stopped the gas pump at ten dollars and prepared to replace the nozzle when a shadow fell over me.  A tall man who I had noticed at one of the other pumps greeted me.

    “Max, I have an envelope for you.  Please count this money and give it back to me.”

    The business-sized envelope, with my name written on it, was stuffed with bills; exactly twenty, all hundreds.

    “Okay, I counted it,” I said as I handed the envelope filled with cash back to him.

    “I’m going to give it back to you at this address.  It’s a house in North Hills.  Please come there as soon as you pay for your gas.  The door will be open.  Come right in.”

    “Who are you?  How did you find me?” I asked.

    “I showed you the money to avoid you asking and me answering such questions at a gas pump.  You needed to know there really is money available for you.”

    He gave me an address.  On the back of the paper he had drawn a rough map.

    “Can you find it from that?”

    “Yes.  I’ll be right there.”

    I entered the store and paid for the gas.  When I came back out, the tall guy and his car were gone.

 

    The car sat in the driveway and the front door stood open as the guy had said.  Any fear I had took a back seat to my curiosity, desperation, and greed as I walked into the house.  The door led directly into an unfurnished living room.  The tall guy was sitting on the carpet leaning back against a wall.  The tract home smelled of fresh paint.

    “Please close the door and take a seat across from me.  The new carpet is quite comfortable to sit on.”

    “Get to the point, please.”

    “You sound agitated.  Please be advised that I have a gun and I know you don’t.”

    I wore my usual jeans, T-shirt and baseball cap and could have had a gun in my belt hidden under the shirt.

    “Oh, I know because you drove directly from the lockup to a bar, then from there to the gas station and then directly here.  You don’t have a gun, unless the passenger you dropped off gave one to you.  Not likely.”

    “How do you …”

    “Please drop the silly questions.  We know everything about you.  That’s why we know you will take our money and do the job for us.”

    I sat down as instructed.  “Who is ‘we’?”

    “Need to know, need to know.  God, I get tired of that old cliché.  All you need to know is ‘we’.”

    I decided to say nothing.  It was time to listen.  He threw the envelope over to me.

    “It’s yours.”

    “How do you know I’ll take your job?”

    “You already have, just by being here.  Be advised, if you don’t pick up the money and put it in your pocket, I will shoot you dead on this nice new carpet.”

    I put the envelope in my pocket as I stared into his beady eyes.

    “I have never worked with an organization,” I said.  “Only individuals.”

    “You will be required to kill someone.  We will not expect you to do anything else.”

    “What choice do I have?”

    “We leased this nicely renovated home for the sole purpose of meeting with you.  With our group, money is no object.  Your earnings for the first job will be $10,000, in addition to the $2,000 retainer.  We might have offered more, but we didn’t want to overwhelm you.  Here’s a pre-paid cell phone.  We’ll be in touch in the next few days with instructions.”

    “Is this a one-shot deal?”  That was the most money I had ever been offered for a job.

    “We won’t plan to use you again until after this job is successfully carried out.  If you do well and we are satisfied, it will be up to you.  Once you perform for us, we know you won’t be inclined to speak to anyone about us.  We could implicate you, you see.”

    “I know how that works,” I said as I picked up the cell phone and left, glad to have money and wondering how they had honed in on me.

 

Chapters

1

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NicolaHoppe wrote 62 days ago

"Warm-Up Kills" is one of the best thrillers I have read on this site. I was hooked from page one and couldn't let go. The book is well written, fast-paced and humorous with an unforeseeable end. Bill and Freddie are believable and easy to warm to. Max is the perfect, ice-cold, psychopathic killer who feels no remorse - until the death of someone he loved makes him feel something other than pride in his work.

The pitch promised: "At the very least you will enjoy the ride as Bill and Freddie unravel the mystery." Bang on.

I'm wishing you the very best of luck to get this onto a shelf in a book store, Jack, because that's where it belongs. You're backed and high-starred.

All the best,
Nicola
"The Burden of the Badge"

Tracey K wrote 76 days ago

Hi, JP!

It took me a while, because I read the whole thing. I was hooked from page one! Excellent writing, I can totally imagine this on a shelf in a books store. It felt like I was reading a book just like a real one I would buy. I wish you so much good luck with this book! It has the potential to be a great success if you can get that "break" you deserve. =D

Chris 1 wrote 76 days ago

Wow. what a story. You get straight into it and the first person narrative works really well. I like the coldness of this guy's profession and the way he's living right out there on the edge. The writing is well-honed and hard as a diamond. I like his preoccupation with his expertise and knowledge, his single-mindedness, like a professional killer would be.

Great stuff and I'm backing it and reading on - a Magnum on my bedside just in case, you understand.

Ben Dikko wrote 147 days ago

Jack,

You`ve committed a crime analogous to sacrilege. Your sin being: keeping me awake all night; till the wee hours of night reading ‘Warm-Up Kills’. How do you expect someone to start reading this novel, and stop in mid-flight? If your book ain`t C-4, then nothing is.

The depth of the story; the pace; the quality and setting, just superb. You`ve completely blown my mind. When I first came onto this forum; I had no idea I would encounter such priceless gems like yours. You`re one hell of a writer JP Hudson!

Any publisher rejecting this book would have to be off their tripods; …

catryntx wrote 163 days ago

High Starts. Besides being one of the best I've read on the sight, it is a true thriller. It's sociopath mc kept me going. More comments later, JP, Good job! Catherine Wooldridge/Disappearing in Elmendorf, Texas

Gary Bullock wrote 2 days ago

You had me at "I am a killer."

Nadina M. Ashwood wrote 2 days ago

After 13 chapters I have, I think, all of the pertinent pieces of the puzzle; it is a twisted puzzle. We know that there is a professional assassin, Max. We know that there are less professional hit-men. We know there are assassinated senators and more. We know that there are industrial millionaires and lobbyists with specific agendas. We know that there are professional investigators in a local police force and the FBI. We know that there are free-lance, amateur detectives.

It's the every-man nature of these average-Joe detectives with their families, regular day jobs and down to earth practicality that put the pieces together. It's not the muscle and high-tech gadgetry of super FBI sleuths that bring us in and whittle away the confusion revealing the truths and consequences. It's the level-headed, piece-working men who sit around the coffee table burning grey matter to solve the crime. Yes, they pound pavement and do the footwork necessary to unearth those pieces and then look inside the box, outside the box, and at each part of the box to figure it out.

Upon first appearance, Max, a hired gunman, seems to be the main character. He has his own story and his own part in the big picture, but Bill and Freddie are the brains of this brain-teaser. They are the fact finders that put this puzzle together.

The characters and story are interesting and entertaining. Much of the writing is terse first person and unapologetic. The balance is a descriptive story telling narrative that helps the plot to unfold as more wrinkles are revealed for our main characters to iron out. Much of the story is hinted at in the beginning; you must read on to get a real gist of the tangled web and the extent of the intrigue.

Reading on . . .
Nadina M. Ashwood
Pretty Penny

mitch58 wrote 13 days ago

I had to read this from beginning to end in one sitting ... great job JP. Loved it

J Michelson
DEADLY DAYNE

jsault2003 wrote 18 days ago

Chapter One

I like the way the first sentence reaches out and grabs you.

It’s a pleasure to read the work of a writer who knows how to apply the technical aspects of writing as well as the creative parts. Makes reading your writing a very easy experience.

I remained totally lacking in ambition…Use a semi-colon here to separate two independent clauses.

Even then, (I would have to…)

She had money (,) and I…

Love the twist you put in there when after killing the husband, he killed the wife who solicited his services to kill her husband.

I drove my ancient Ford directly to a filling station. This sentence should come after the details of his release from jail. Keep sequence of events in mind.

“Who are you? How did you find me?” I asked. Should be… “Who are you,” I asked. “How did you find me?” Give attribution between two sentences spoken by the same character.

Use three asterisks (***) centered in the middle of the page to indicate a change of scenes.

Nice touch of suspense when the main character is approached for a job after his release from jail and the other man knows more about him then he does about his potential employer.

Very good first chapter in the way it draws the reader in with the desire to want to know more.

Chapter Two

…protection for the Senator. Do not capitalize “Senator” here.

Good chapter. The background information allows the reader insight as to how the main character thinks and acts.

Chapter Three

Why not? I thought. This entire paragraph threw me off, made me go back to see if there was something I missed that justified the paragraph being there, but I found no such justification.
There has been no relationship displayed between the old beggar and the main character to allow a smooth transition into this paragraph. It was like slamming into a brick wall. Not only did you stop my forward progress in reading the novel, you made me go backward. This is not the effect you want.

The scene with Teacup in the backseat is highly unlikely for several reasons. The MC (main character) would be taking the unwanted risk of being discovered from the time he hit Teacup over the head and then returned with his car. He’s taking careful measures not to draw attention to himself and this Teacup sequence would seem to defeat that purpose.

Even if he succeeds with getting Teacup to the scene and depositing his body where it would be discovered, upon medical examination, it would be discovered that the injury Teacup got when the MC incapacitated him, is not the type of wound one would receive if they strike their head against an object.

Even forgetting the two previous points, is Teacup even qualified to perform the type of crime the MC is preparing him to take the fall for?

Still, I thought this was a good read.

Frank Talaber wrote 22 days ago

I got to admit that I don't like Max and as a main character and have no use for him. But that means you've done your job as a writer very well. Sometimes I think it's easier to writer about someone nice and cuddly than a sadistic murderer. Still wouldn't buy this book because of who this guy is. Overall brilliant writing, throws me right into the story with no preamble. Written as if put to paper by a true cold hearted killer. For that reason alone I've highly starred the book.
Frank

tim templer wrote 26 days ago

Hi Jack i dont know what happened why i never look at your work. Its such an interesting thriller and enjoyed the read from the start. Wish you the best of luck. You're on my WL and and backing the book as well.

Regards

Tim Templer

The Journey

Bookworm110 wrote 27 days ago

Hi Jack,

I loved the development of Max. After 4 chapters, the only suggestion I have is a little more character development in your supporting characters. Maybe a little more description in the scenes like the gas station scene, what happened with teacup, the cars etc. Otherwise a great read. The story line is fast with plenty of dialogue. You definitely have a hit here!


Kathy
The Final Beginning


Leslie Rocker wrote 43 days ago

Hi: I am happy to back this book because it is well written, pacey and has interesting ideas and characters.
As I have said before, however, I am uneasy at the mixture of first and second persons. Opening chapters gave me what sympathy it is possible to have for a professional killer and I was prepared to go along with his story, particularly as the details of his work had a realism about them. I was disappointed when the librarian died as I thought we were going to have a kind of Bonny and Clyde situation. I could envisage it developing as did a recent film I watched with George Clooney, in which he plays a bank robber falling in love with a law-enforcement officer.
Then the style changed and I found I was in a fairly routine thriller. The central character changed, ending even with Teacup. I lost some interest, but fast-read to the end.
For me there are a number of ways round what are to me problems with the book:
1. You could make the whole thing first person, maintaining the interest with him perhaps working with his love until the end when they might both die.
2. He links up with the forces of law and order to defeat a greater enemy, again perhaps with his love dying later in the story, thus giving him a stronger revenge motive.
3. The first person stuff is "formalised", included in a prologue, segregated passages throughout and an epilogue at the end, perhaps identified at some stage as a "confession", which I gather he does already provide.
I don't know if this is any help. It is, after all, only one voice among many.
I do, anyway, wish you luck with it.
I am, incidentally, taking my Shakespeare book off and replacing it with what I call my "anti-Harry Potter" short stories.
Leslie Rocker

Janet/Helen wrote 53 days ago

Warm-Up Kills. Ch 1 to 4.

I like a good crime thriller, Lee Child, etc. and this one has got me reading. Fast, even pace, good characters (in the believable sense) and a good story unfolding. No errors that I could see, but one thing that struck me as I read. When Max shoots the Senator and puts the gun in Teacup's hand, he wipes his fingerprints off first. Would a calculating hitman not have cleaned the gun first and worn latex or similar gloves when doing the shooting to avoid any fingerprints. It sounded clumsy that he had to clean the gun on site and then - how did he avoid fingerprints as he put the gun into Teacup's hand? Did he clean it again? The cleaning of the gun would have eaten up precious seconds. Only a small point but something which made me hesitate as I read.
An excellent opening 4 chapters. High stars for now and I will return to read on and see where this goes. Janet

Janet/Helen
The Stranger In My Life

Grafton wrote 59 days ago

Overall good beginning-good hook. It's an interesting plot that provides a good story question, I like it. You do a good job with the character development and adding conflict. I can't find much to critique, high stars- Mark.

NicolaHoppe wrote 62 days ago

"Warm-Up Kills" is one of the best thrillers I have read on this site. I was hooked from page one and couldn't let go. The book is well written, fast-paced and humorous with an unforeseeable end. Bill and Freddie are believable and easy to warm to. Max is the perfect, ice-cold, psychopathic killer who feels no remorse - until the death of someone he loved makes him feel something other than pride in his work.

The pitch promised: "At the very least you will enjoy the ride as Bill and Freddie unravel the mystery." Bang on.

I'm wishing you the very best of luck to get this onto a shelf in a book store, Jack, because that's where it belongs. You're backed and high-starred.

All the best,
Nicola
"The Burden of the Badge"

NicolaHoppe wrote 76 days ago

Hi Jack, I've only just started with your first chapter but I will definitely read more of it. You go straight into action and kept me hooked throughout the entire chapter. Your writing comes natural and, through the use of first person singular, personal. I absolutely give you high stars.

Nicola Hoppe
"The Burden of the Badge"

Chris 1 wrote 76 days ago

Wow. what a story. You get straight into it and the first person narrative works really well. I like the coldness of this guy's profession and the way he's living right out there on the edge. The writing is well-honed and hard as a diamond. I like his preoccupation with his expertise and knowledge, his single-mindedness, like a professional killer would be.

Great stuff and I'm backing it and reading on - a Magnum on my bedside just in case, you understand.

Tracey K wrote 76 days ago

Hi, JP!

It took me a while, because I read the whole thing. I was hooked from page one! Excellent writing, I can totally imagine this on a shelf in a books store. It felt like I was reading a book just like a real one I would buy. I wish you so much good luck with this book! It has the potential to be a great success if you can get that "break" you deserve. =D

Martin2678 wrote 84 days ago

Nice work. I usually only read a few chapters, but found myself reading on. Great job!

Lyn4ny wrote 87 days ago

Wonderfully written. I love this one. Can't find any faults in it. The characterization is great. Easy flow-great storyline. I wish I had more time to go further right now, as i only read chapter one here. I will get back to it soon. Enough said- Excellent Story! High Stars from me and I will soon be adding you to my Bookshelf, once i make room. It remains on my WL for now. Thanks for sharing this one!

-Lyn
Forty-Four Footprints Following Me
-Surviving Manic Depression-My Story & The Real Truth on Managing It

DB Stephens wrote 88 days ago

JP,

I wanted to comment on chapter one while it was still fresh in my mind. I think you have a very easy to read style that has mostly good flow and keeps the reader entertained. There were a few points that didn't work for me, however.

The first part of chapter one would have been better served to have been introduced as the "Prologue" because that was really what it was (in my opinion). I'm not sure why one little word can set the expectation for the reader, but it does. It hindered my ability to "get into" the story because I was set to start the journey and had to read about the preparation first.

I think that this chapter (and perhaps others, as I read on) would benefit from a few "he said this or Max said that" additions to your conversations. I sometimes had to start a lengthy bit of dialog over again to figure out who was talking. Not something you want your readers to have to do. You should also take the opportunity to give a little commentary on facial expressions or body language that help set the scene.

The scene at the gas station was a bit confusing to me. The conversation with Sidney seems to start out as sort of a flash back and then merges into the present. I had to go back and reread that as well to see why it didn't make sense.

I saw 2 missing quotation marks, but other than that the grammer worked for me (warning: no expert here!).

My comments are meant to help, if possible. Take from them what you will. I'm just another keyboard hack trying to get a book published!

I'll comment on chapter 2 when I get more time.

DB

a.m.hunter wrote 99 days ago

Well, it didn't take long to go from my watch list to my shelf. I am thoroughly enjoying your work. I honestly can not wait to finish your novel. I will leave a review once I have read it all. For now, very high stars!

A.M. Hunter

a.m.hunter wrote 102 days ago

I am intrigued. I am placing you on my watch list. As I find the time between my flu riddled children I will read and comment. Thank you for the invitation to do so. I look forward to what is sure to be a true thriller!

A.M. Hunter

The Final Possession
They All Fall Down

Anthony Amor wrote 106 days ago

Well Jack, what can i say that already hasn't already been said. This is gripping, masterful stuff. Had i more time i feel i could read it all in one sitting. Great fast paced writing, darkly comic. Very highly starred
Anthony Amor
A Long Way From Home

eddie mccann wrote 109 days ago

Dear Jack,

I absolutely loved this novel, very well written with plenty of action. I will certainly recommend it to my friends. Top stars well done.

Regards
Eddie McCann - Paper Doll

Brian Bandell wrote 112 days ago

Great writing here. You capitvating my attention. Yes, your lead character is a bad dude, but something about his personality makes him interesting. He'd cold blooded, but wounded inside.

Given that he lost his parents when he was young, does he ever think about the children left behind after he kills people?

Good attention to detail in getting him a new car.

Chapter 2 ends in a weird spot. It doesn't feel right. Give it a capper.

I like how the assassination of the Senator leaves us with doubt about whether the jogger will identify him.

Well done. I'll back it.

Brian Bandell
Famous After Death / Mute

Andy M. Potter wrote 113 days ago

Hi JP, great start. solid pace. i like where you're taking the story. love the immediacy of M's first-person POV. starred and shelved.

i have a few very, very minor editing ideas. pls take with a grain.

maybe avoid use of ''totally' twice in first few paras.

'suitable for his talents' - made me wonder: what were they?

maybe 'Help A Hungry Homeless Vet' is enough for the sign

'... can make it dangerous for me." - maybe just '...make it dangerous.'



best wishes, a

Nel wrote 119 days ago

Hi Jack - I've really enjoyed this. I like the characters you've created. They seem credible and real even if some of them aren't very nice people. The way you write is very easy to read and you build up suspense very well and make me want to continue reading. I've not read the whole thing as yet, but dipped in to various chapters. I would very much recommend this as a good read and I'm very happy to back it.

R.E. Ader wrote 125 days ago

Good start, remains on WL.

Truth One Note In wrote 128 days ago

Suspenseful.
Good development with pacing. I am pleased with the speed you have set.
Things are hopping always.
Perspective is well balanced with plot and characters.
The whole political end is just okay. To me it took something away.
Teacup is a creative personality.
Toni [Cavern of Time]

aw.daniels wrote 132 days ago

Oh, one more thing JP:

One senator down, 99 to go if we want to fix this fiscal cliff/debt ceiling/budget group of problems.

AW Daniels
Genetically Privileged

aw.daniels wrote 132 days ago

Quite an interesting read Jack:
Sorry to see Marian go so early, that would have been a nice collaboration. But that's how assassin's roll I guess.

From what I can tell the population of Rio Rancho is going to drop quickly so I'll bet you'll have him moving around a bit.

Very entertaining read! I'll watchlist it so I can finish what you've started.

Aw Daniels
Genetically Privileged

rsunseri wrote 132 days ago

Jack,

Terrific stuff here. The pace is terrific from the start. I love the beady eyed man who hires Max in the begining, and the mystique of the group he represents. I also enjoyed the humor you have riddled throughout, including the conversation between the couple at the police station in the jogging suits. Max is great in the first three chapters, and you describe his thought process well.

The conversations are sharp and to the point. The book does not seem to skip a beat. Keep pushing this novel, it's destined to make it. It has earned a spot on my shelf. I am new to the site, and have read several books already. This is one of my favorites.

Sincerely,
Ryan

Seringapatam wrote 135 days ago

Hiya Jack. Wow. Very gripping and well written. It had me hooked and I didnt want to walk away from it. I think this is really pacey and sharp. I can only see good things for this book, but you need to push it all the way to the top. I congratulate you for it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R)....Please consider me for a read or Watch List. Happy New Year. Sean

RaithebC wrote 136 days ago

Hi Jack.

I liked the story and the style and I'm sure you will get this published. My only comment, which will put me out there on my own, is that I nearly put the book down as I read the first page. In 8 paragraphs we are introduced to the main character, find out what he looks like and an almost unbeleivable story about how he got started in the killing game. It reads like a list. I think if you looked again at the first page you could make it a little stronger by spending a lot more time on a more detailed descriptive piece, not just about how he looks or his first 'job' but what makes him tick. I do like this book, I think it has great potential. I have not had the opportunity to read your other work but taking someone else's comment it appears you are getting better each time you put finger to keyboard. I wish you great success and give big stars.

Raithe
The Trojan Towers

Ben Dikko wrote 147 days ago

Jack,

You`ve committed a crime analogous to sacrilege. Your sin being: keeping me awake all night; till the wee hours of night reading ‘Warm-Up Kills’. How do you expect someone to start reading this novel, and stop in mid-flight? If your book ain`t C-4, then nothing is.

The depth of the story; the pace; the quality and setting, just superb. You`ve completely blown my mind. When I first came onto this forum; I had no idea I would encounter such priceless gems like yours. You`re one hell of a writer JP Hudson!

Any publisher rejecting this book would have to be off their tripods; …

Neil Peters wrote 149 days ago

Great book & story with a couple of twists and turns to keep the reader entwined. Very well written, only wanted to read a few chapters but ended up reading it all, and must say a very enjoyable read, this will do very well, it gets a 6-star rating from me,

Regards Neil

Tarzan For Real wrote 152 days ago

Jack I'm going to recommend the Jack Reacher novels by Lee Child to you. Every time I read your stuff I hear influences of Lee Child in this. That's a great thing because he's a great writer.

And so are you.

Pace and tension are well done in this and the characters are quite appealing. You seem to get better with each book J & P so keep at it.

Highly starred, easily backed, and I will be coming back to read more. Now I'm back to "One Shot" and wriitng an intro to "Mary Wept" that has been giving me quite "The Exorcist" level nightmare.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou", "The Wings of the Seraph" & "Shadow Ghosts of the Moonlight"

emzie wrote 154 days ago

well written and gripping. Thrillers not usually my thing only read first chapter so far but high hopes for the rest.

emzie wrote 154 days ago

well written and gripping. Thrillers not usually my thing only read first chapter so far but high hopes for the rest.

Andrea Taylor wrote 157 days ago

Really good start! How can anyone fail to read on when the book begins with 'I am a killer?' And getting people to read on is the first job of a book, otherwise what's the point?
But is doesn't stop there. Well written, a strong lead character and an interesting premise. No problem backing this!
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

PLMcMillan wrote 157 days ago

I checked out your piece; Warm up Kills.

Great starting chapter, really fast paced and gives the reader just enough to know what kind of person Max is and a little of his background. I don’t know if there was a previously book about Max before this one but the information you provided allows the reader to not be out in the cold if they haven’t read any previous books (like me).
Max’s character is clear cut and likable, you make his character and background very believable right away, which is definitely valuable when you have a story like this.
CH2: “Now that I had an arrest record, the police would suspect me right away unless they had someone else to suspect.” I think it’s better to avoid using the same words over and over again like ‘suspect’, maybe you could substitute the 2nd one for ‘pin it on’?
In Ch1, I would say that maybe it isn’t necessary to describe all the types of clothing he wears, I think that saying that he dressed to stay inconspicuous is enough to give the reader the idea.
But anyway, great read so far and high stars.

- Pamela

catryntx wrote 163 days ago

High Starts. Besides being one of the best I've read on the sight, it is a true thriller. It's sociopath mc kept me going. More comments later, JP, Good job! Catherine Wooldridge/Disappearing in Elmendorf, Texas

Rob Lawrence wrote 163 days ago

Hi Jack.
I enjoyed the read - well written and well constructed.
Rob

pippa shields wrote 168 days ago

Excellent opening. We love thrillers and Max promises to be an intriguing character - love the matter-of-fact way he relates killing non-combatants, especially his women, on the chance they could betray him. Should be disturbing but for Max's off-centre psychotic charm - he's operating and surviving in a very singular world. One of our favourite heroes is Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer and the directness of the writing reminds us of that. Great stuff, hugely enjoyable. We just added it to the bookshelf.
Philippa Gray and Alan Shields.

fictionguy8 wrote 169 days ago

I read the first chapter. Good matter-of-fact account of a contract killer, which is how her would look at it. I think it moves well. However, you may have a problem getting people to lioke him and he is the main character. Of course I don't know where the story is going and I will try to read more when I get time. But so far, five stars.

CatherineM wrote 172 days ago

Hi, Jack and Pat.

This is a return review. I have read the first two chapters of Warm-Up Kills. Sounds like a great setup for an interesting story. I like the sociopathic narrator concept, and although I hope he has some competing good qualities that surface as the story progresses, I think that the bad seed protagonist is a good device.

Max's voice seems a little stiff to me, but I want to make allowance for his being an unusual character. It reminds me a little bit of the precocious child who narrates "True Grit;" a polished voice that jars with the image of the character. However, it seems that the formality of voice isn't reserved just for our evil hero, and even in Max's case, it doesn't sit quite right with me. Some examples:

"Women love me.  The image in my mirror has always told me I’m good-looking.   I sometimes linger in admiration when washing my face, shaving, or drying myself after showering.  I have blue eyes and regular features and could have been a movie star, I reckon.  My wavy auburn hair is an especially valuable asset." OK, I can definitely picture the guy gazing at himself, but would he be self-aware enough to admit it, even to himself? And would he really describe himself in that way? Maybe put the superlatives in a repeated compliment, as in, "Women love me. They tell me I could have been a movie star. They gush over my hair/eyes/etc..."

Having a little trouble believing this bit of dialog:

    “Max, I don’t like threats.  I’ll never rat on you.” [second sentence sounds kind of pleading or hurt, first sentence sounds tough]

    “I don’t like threats either.  This is just to make things clear.  I’ll miss you starting today, but if you die soon, I’ll not miss you any worse.

    “By the way, I will send you some money when I get some to cover you holding my car for me.  Also, the cops took everything out of it and didn’t return my fake driver’s licenses and ID’s.  Bastards.  I’ll have to replace all that stuff.

    “Well, goodbye Sidney.” [wouldn't usually let a character go on for three paragraphs without some back and forth in a dialog. Shouldn't there be some grunts, at least, in reply?]

Chapter two:

"Not a new car, a low mileage late model.  But it will be yours.  You’ll also be given a weapon.” Seems to me that the speaker would either a) lie -- yes, a new car, irritating Max later when he realizes it, or b) abbreviate that reply gruffly -- "low mileage, anyhow. You complaining?"

I know that voice is so subjective to pick on, and I'm sure I don't nail it like I would like, but it is so, so important to me as a reader, determining whether I will like, trust, or follow the characters to the end. For my money, this is the biggest area that needs work in your book. Hope that is helpful!

Thanks for backing Nickel Ridge. It is kind of you!


Catherine Morgan
Nickel Ridge

Liinsa Hines wrote 178 days ago

I am Really surprised to read such marvel of a Book. A beautifully paced one that increases the BP with every twist. The story took off from the first chapter wherein the Killer is introduced. I was expecting such pace in mine one too (but alas! I need to learn that art, may be in future).
Full of energy and thrill, that is going to twirl the reader through suspense and intrigue.
Nicely written. All the best.

Liinsa Hines
Behind the Revolutions- An Untold Tale

Jue Shaw wrote 178 days ago

I don't normally respond to spam requests but today I had some free time and decided to dip into something new. I'm so pleased I did. Your first paragraph was excellent! Just exactly the kind of thing that will pique the interest of readers and potential agents. Reading on I see you are an accomplished writing team, really skilled in the concept of suspense writing. Really great effort, honestly, this should do extremely well on here with the right marketing, and I do hope you have it out on submissions. If not you are missing a trick. Well done.

Jue Shaw wrote 178 days ago

I don't normally respond to spam requests but today I had some free time and decided to dip into something new. I'm so pleased I did. Your first paragraph was excellent! Just exactly the kind of thing that will pique the interest of readers and potential agents. Reading on I see you are an accomplished writing team, really skilled in the concept of suspense writing. Really great effort, honestly, this should do extremely well on here with the right marketing, and I do hope you have it out on submissions. If not you are missing a trick. Well done.

Jackie McLean wrote 181 days ago

Oh, I am loving this book! I had intended to have a read at the first one or two chapters, but I'm currently on chapter 13 and can't stop reading! You have introduced your killer very well - made him unlikeable, but made him human as well, so that I need to know what's happening to him. You've done well to give plenty of depth to your characters and surrounds while moving the plot and surprises along in the right places. High stars and it's on my book shelf!

Baltasar wrote 182 days ago

Welcome to your world. Hello, Max! I like you as much as I dislike you what you have chosen for yourself: Killer! This was a very vivid introduction to your world. Thank you for the chance to read a bit.

OJ Francis wrote 182 days ago

I have read through the whole script and enjoyed every bit of it. You are truly heading towards what I would call Mastership of Suspense Writing. You get your reader hooked right from the beginning to the end. There are a few typos which I trust will be mopped out in your next edition. Well done and wish you the best of luck.
OJ: "The Other Teachers"

AndyHall73 wrote 184 days ago

This one is staying on my bookshelf until I have finished it and probably longer. Full set of stars already and only up to chapter five. Very well written and I think even Tallulah Drew would have a hard time with Max. Great work and will recommend to friends and more.

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