Kris Kringle: Trouble in Christmas Town

This is a very creative piece, unique in its own right and very well-written with a great flow about it. I enjoyed the first chapter here. Wish I had more time to read on but my time is limited here. I think this will do well. Although not my genre I did like it. Thanks for sharing it and Good luck to you.

-Lyn
Forty-Four Footprints Following Me
-Surviving Manic Depression-My Story & The Real Truth on Managing It

Very, very original. I found the first chapter very interesting and enjoyed how you brought across the character of David. The letter was a total surprise and added an interesting element to the chapter. I must admit I am not a big reader but your books captured my interest. I can see you have gone to a lot of trouble to edit your book and found it very refined.
Well done and high stars!

Daniel,
This is a really good read considering I hate Sci -Fi as a rule. I am purposely looking for books that I wouldnt normally read and this is one of them. I was well surprised and i enjoyed it. So much so that I will be ready more when I get a chance. I think you will do well with this book. So well done.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Happy New Year. Sean

What a fun idea and a fun story:)

I wish I had more time with this book. Possibly I will come back to it. Great job and best of luck. I have no creative tips to give. Merry Christmas.

Hi Daniel,

So it's Christmas Day and this seems like the perfect story to be reading.

I want to start off by saying I like the premise of your story, I'm interested by the world that you're building. I think Sci-Fi is so difficult because you clearly have an entire universe in your head, but how much do you give to the reader? If it's all set up then it's boring, if it's too little then it's confusing. Nightmare.

I was slightly confused when reading this story. The main thing was the character interactions, I often had to really focus to understand who was talking, especially when the group were discussing the mission. I read a book by Stephen King called 'on writing' and he mentioned to try and avoid putting things like 'David said' or 'Crystal said' after the person has spoken. As a reader I didn't know who was talking until after they'd said it so I had to re-read the line.

I hope my comments help and good luck, I'm writing a Sci-Fi short story at the moment and it's cooking my brain.

Michael.

I've started reading the first chapter. It looks a great Christmas read

Dear Daniel,
How amazing is to feel Christmas atmosphere in September let me thank you for the feeling but there is of course more in your story and first of all it is perfect written to me. I was drawn to it from the first page. I had a feeling like i stopped to read and watched a wonderful movie instead of that.
Thank you for sharing now I am gonna to give you 6/6 start and place you on our watchlist!

I am new to Authonomy and would like to invite you to read my urban fantasy, "The Dryad's Kiss". Give me your honest feedback and if you like help me promote it. I am happy to return the favor if you like.

"Trouble in Christmas Town" does start out a bit slowly but it seems to be of a similar genre to my book. I will be interested in reading more.

Good luck
Scott

This has the making for a true novel. I would like to see this progress. I like the flow and since I love Christmas stories I was drawn to this. I was going to offer a few options to tighten it up and make it just that much better but it looks like the reader below did that very well so I will not bore you with the same things twice. I am going to watch this as I like the story line. Only suggestion. It started out slow, but picked up. Was pondering this. If you could pick it up in the beginning. Oh my this would be an instant grab. Good luck and will be watching.
Dawn

Hi Daniel,

I thought I’d stop by and see what Kris Kringle is all about. I love the premise of your story and the setting - saving Christmas goes sci-fi. Your writing in itself is really wonderful, but I thought the story needed a little more background because at times I felt a bit lost.

I simply made notes as I read the first chapter - so I hope they make sense.

In the mission briefing, I wonder if you could tell the reader why the children’s faith and hope is fading -- what is causing the world to despair.

I love the girl’s names that are on the invitation list - they’re so Christmassy. I would like to have known how everyone is related. Do they go to school together? Are they some kind of superhero team? Is David their leader?

The sci-fi gadgets are a great touch, but here again I’d like a little more description. What exactly does a floor accelerator do?

I was a little confused why Melody tackled David. Was she just playing around?

“Lying on a mattress in the girl’s dorm… She had to rise early as the rest…” Did you mean , “She had to rise earlier than the rest?”

David has had some big tragedy in his past. That mystery and the mission to save Christmas will serve well to move the reader forward.

The letter from Kris Kringle was good and helped to fill in some of the blanks in the story.

“He longed to have someone by his side… He couldn’t (let) anyone know how he felt…”

“This December was colder than anyone could remember. Spring was coming soon.” These two sentences seem a little contradictory.”

Daniel, I think you have a good thing going here. I’m not an expert by any means, but I wonder if by tying together all the different scenes with some smooth transitions if this might help with the flow of the story and perhaps dispel any confusion the reader may be experiencing. I’ll be back to read more and comment again soon!

Dianna Lanser
http://www.authonomy.com/books/37204/nothing-but-the-blood/

KRIS KRINGLE
This book has all the ingredients for a good Christmas story: a mean villain, a group of children eager to save Christmas, and an invitation to wish their way to Christmas Town. I think you have an appealing group of children (liked the way you named one of them Angel; seems fitting for a Christmas story). The line about torturing neighbors with fruitcakes is funny.You’re obvious aware of chidren’s short attention spans as you’ve written this in short scenes. Makes this a good read. Highy starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Just read the first part of this. I was very interested from your blurb and also because I have got a Christmas book up here too!
I found the first part a bit slow and unnecessary up until the letter from Frosty, but after that you picked the pace up very well.
Your story became action packed and exciting, and I could imagine a children's film of it in places.
I did find it difficult to keep track of all the characters. Perhaps you could bring them into the story more gradually and give them more background, descriptions etc?
Good so far!
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)