Furious

I like what you have here and think this work could be something very special. You may want to break up the larger paragraphs a bit more so that they are a little easier for the reader to digest. I recommend an editor to help clean up the diction and punctuation; they can help you with the flow as well. You paint a rich picture and I can see the action in my mind as I read; I wish you all the best with this. BTW - great cover art!
Ken Spears

Thank you Neville!

I just got back from vacationb and have 8 more days off before I go back to work. My plan is to work on this now and I hope to hear back from you (after you read more).

Thank you again!

Furious.
By C. J.


You have written a good story here—the hook is…what is happening to David Barten.
He’s clearly not well as he catches his flight falling over in the process of boarding the plane.
His mind is in turmoil and his dreams are very vivid.
I think that the dreams have a strong connection with what has happened to him.
You have some good description running throughout the book and the reader needs to look between the lines to see the significance of the story—it’s well thought out for one thing.
It badly needs a major edit but it’s well worth doing at an early stage.
For me, it’s a book that could go far, given the chance so don’t let the book down!

…”Oh, sorry , here you go, thank you” “Sir” as she glances down…
Remove the two center quotes- add commas - ( thank you, Sir,” as she glances down…)
…”Well, have a safe flight and take care of yourself’ as she says with a concerning voice…
You have different quotation marks here and need a comma after ‘yourself’ (…care of yourself,” as she..)
…Times are getting ruff… (rough).
There are many errors in your writing, mostly to do with the dialogue so it needs to be gone through with a fine toothcomb.
It’s a problem that can be put right—the book itself is very good and you have a good mind when it comes to writing stories, good imagination!
I will come back to it again to see how it’s coming along.
Plenty of stars though on a good storyline.

Best wishes,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Adeel,

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Thank you!
Daddy-O

J C Michael,

Thank you very much! I have already started reading aloud (with wife) and we have found many mistakes. Thank you for your advice.

I will keep in touch and let you know what I have done and I hope to get more readers.

Any other suggestions would be great and helpful.

Thank you again!

Daddy-O

There is a good story here but technically this needs a bit of work. Some things to try would be reading your book out aloud and if it doesn't sound right as you speak the words then it's likely that they don't read quite right either. You may also benefit from getting a friend or family member to take a look as it's harder to spot one's own mistakes as we know what we are trying to say. My own book is only as polished as it is, and there are still errors, because my wife went through the first draft with a red pen and any number of people on here have been good enough to help me further.
Other things to keep an eye on are repetition, your tenses, and on occasion using the wrong word (you use memorised instead of mesmerised when talking about the good looking stewardess on the check in desk).
On a positive note you are clearly creative, imaginative, and dedicated enough to sit down and write. Not to mention brave enough to subject that writing to scrutiny on here. The technical errors can be fixed with good editing, by someone else if need be, if it was the other areas that you were lacking in then it would be far harder to rectify.
Hopefully some of the above will be helpful and the more comments you get the more help you will receive so that eventually you can get this polished up into something that will climb those charts towards the desk.
Best wishes,
James

The book is on my WL and i will be back with my comments in couple of days.