Book Jacket

 

rank 5918
word count 26903
date submitted 04.03.2012
date updated 04.03.2012
genres: Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Time Capsule

Leigh Green

Lee Abernathy is a man who has struggled through adulthood, mostly by his own faults. However, a death leads to reconnecting with the past.

 

Lee Abernathy is arguably a very awkward, unfortunate man. He graduated from Purdue and soon found a job with the state of Indiana as an accountant, married his high school sweetheart, and had two kids. That was a couple of decades ago. His wife had an affair, his kids barely know him, and the digital age brought around the end of his career. Prematurely retired in Boulder, Colorado, Lee has been seeing a therapist for the number of phobias he has developed. It's only at his therapist's insistence that he decides to go when he's requested to attend the funeral for his high school friend, Jack Jackson. The funeral is being held in their hometown of Tipton, Indiana and not the beaches of California where Jack had lived out his vice-filled days. The reasoning behind the location soon becomes clear when Jack's young widow explains that Jack had set aside a fund and plans for Lee to find their old crew and dig up the time capsule they had all buried upon their graduation day. For some it's a mild inconvenience. For others, it's a reminder of what they should have become...

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

discovery, feel good, high school, indiana, lost love, mental health

on 0 watchlists

6 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Alidownb wrote 773 days ago

Hi,

I read chapters 6 and 7.
I think this is pretty well written, aside for a couple things, like in chapter 6 you said "i had..." in place of I'd, but I think you meant I would. It's things like that.

I also thought you focused a lot on painting the hats and I found that I skimmed through a lot of it because it got a little boring, sorry.
Chapter 7 moved along a little faster and I do think you are good at dialogue. The short description of the diner made it very easy for me to picture the place. I felt like I easily could have been a patron watching the group and then the 2 as adults.

-Aliah
Her Demise

HeroicLeigh wrote 774 days ago

Thank you for the comments, Warrick and Fran. I'm not ignoring you, I promise! Been very busy as of late. I've only begun combing over everything.

I thought I had split up the pitch into other paragraphs; I guess it didn't parse them completely. I'll have to look into why the font came up odd, as it wasn't anything different in the .doc files I uploaded. Thanks for pointing it out!

I'm adding the other things you've pointed out into my notes for when I go through it again for editing.

Warrick Mayes wrote 775 days ago

Leigh,

Ditto the comments from Fran about the font, and from Kathy about the wordy sentences.
The pitch and the concept are interesting, so this is worth pursuing.

I have a few examples for you to review:
You have a repetitive sentence that could be reduced to help teh flow: "...wondering if he should have remained. If he had just remained, things might have stayed the same." could be cut to "...wondering if he should have remained, perhaps then things might have stayed the same."

I realise that this is the way you guys speak, but "...bounced off of the window next to him." would flow better without the unnecessary word: "...bounced off the window next to him."

"He just could not bring it up in himself to hate..." would feel and flow better as "He just could not bring himself to hate..."

A simple typo here, "...she had start in that exasperated way of hers" needs to be "started".

Best wishes
Warrick

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 776 days ago

Dear Leigh

I have had a look at the first and part of the second chapter of your book "The Time Capsule" this morning, and I have a few thoughts.

First of all, you have a good clean MS and a clear style, though that is hampered on here by the lightness of the font you have uploaded here. Perhaps there is a way for you to reformat so that it is darker, and therefore easier to read.

You could think about getting a distinctive cover for your book, which would help it to stand out. Then, break up your long pitch into paras so that it is easier to read. Short and punchy to grab the readers attention.

You have a great plot here and engaging characters. Occasionally I find your passages could be tightened up, so that we might feel the story moving forward. There is room to look out for, and trim down repetition or asides that get in the way of the plot line. We all have to do that!

I wish you well.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :)

HeroicLeigh wrote 778 days ago

Interesting concept. My only problem getting into the story is that your sentences tend to be a little wordy, rolling numerous visual images into one sentence. That slows the reader down.




I can see that; I do tend to try to put a lot of visuals in. Thank you! :)

KathyJohn wrote 778 days ago

Interesting concept. My only problem getting into the story is that your sentences tend to be a little wordy, rolling numerous visual images into one sentence. That slows the reader down.

1