PETER AND GRANDAD'S GREENHOUSE

JACK HARWOOD

Children's book: Peter's grandad builds a flying greenhouse. This book details their adventures and problems as they go France and back.

4Peter's grandad, a retired engineer, builds a flying greenhouse that runs on chicken manure. They take a couple of local trips, waving to Peter's mum from outside the balcony of her 4th floor flat. They then go to France, as Peter says it's on the edge of grandad's map of England. On the way over they pick up a stray dog, wave to the ferry, pick up a drowning boy and take him home. They stay overnight with his mother. The boys translate French to English for grandad and Pierre's mother.
On the way back they drift off course and nearly run out of fuel, so they land on a farm and face a grumpy farmer. They then take off, but grandad collapses from heatstroke, so Peter, aided by Speedy the dog, have to fly the greenhouse back and to the hospital for grandad. The next morning they are surrounded by the press who want a story about the youngster who saved his grandads's life. Peter appears on breakfast tv and is given a free place on a test flight by a big airline, and grandad wonders what to build next.

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, adventure, childrens, travel

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Tod Schneider wrote 239 days ago

This is a wonderful idea for a story that should appeal to both kids and grandparents -- especially those who have either greenhouses or aeroplanes!
Critique-wise, I'd consider moving more rapidly to the action. The first chapter and a half are largely backstory, and while they give us lots of information they are not the exciting part of the tale. I'd consider starting closer to the discovery of the machinery in the greenhouse. Something like, "Peter hadn't slept all night. Grand dad was up to something in the greenhouse, something he was keeping a secret, and it was driving Peter crazy." would get us right into it. The back story can be fed to us in smaller doses here and there, rather than as a long narrative, and it'll streamline the storytelling.
For your long pitch, currently you have a nice summary of the whole story, but that's not quite what you want for a pitch. What you want there should be weighted toward the front end, such as "When Peter discovers grandad has invented a flying greenhouse he is sworn to secrecy -- in exchange for the ride of his life." Something that leaves the reader wondering what's going to happen, rather then spilling the beans.
Anyway, just my thoughts. Very creative story idea!
Best of luck with this!
And do drop by the Lost Wink.
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

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maretha wrote 353 days ago

Dear Jack,
Thank you so much for a lovely story - I've finished up to ch five and I can see that the fun is only just beginning for Peter and Grandad.... a greenhouse flying on chicken manure - of course good for the environment.
On a more serious note though. I thought you handled such a serious issue of a young boy growing up without a father very well. What a support his grandparents are, especially Grandad. For Peter who had to cope with so much, not just seeing his mom sad,but also ridicule at school, I think this is a book that tells a story and can assist children in a similar position, although your book is anything but preachy.
Dialogue is fun and real. I love Grandad. He could belong to any child.
Six stars for an excellent story. There are minor typos and so forth, but nothing which you are probably not aware of, example Granddad, granddad or Grandad or grandad when he is being addressed. Grandad is acceptable and if you want two d's Oxford suggest Grand-dad also ;-)
All the best on Authonomy
Maretha/African Adventures of Flame, Family, Furry and Feathered Friends

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