Stonebird

On the surface Simon exists in unutterable bleakness. Though self-denied the comforts of human contact he experiences the kindness of strangers. My Singh, owner of the corner shop and the angel - aptly named Angela, first encountered in the street, are finely drawn sympathetic characters; as are all the characters in this compelling and moving narrative. I read all 19 posted Chapters which flow effortlessly on; each achieving a seamless hold on the reader's interest and curiosity. Simon's guilt ridden natural urges are subtly set against the suggested but rarely defined public perceptions and fears about people similarly afflicted as him, as a threatening stalker, or child molester and abductor. His back story is skillfully woven - thread by thread - in a tapestry of text until the dénouement with Rory. Fontaine's sensitive command and control of subject, characters and their setting throughout Stonebird is faultless. How will the novel end? A happy resolution? In tragedy? Only the author knows: the reader can be absolutely confident in her competence to deliver. Tony Brady. - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Wow! I am glad I finally got around to reading some of this. You had me hooked from beg. I had a lot of stuff I needed to get done and I haven't yet because I was so drawn to this book. Lol. I like how you describe Simon. I can relate a little bit with the ocd part and some hand washing. Your flow of the story was really amazing and so rich. I congratulate you on high stars. I just am sorry it took me so long to finally read this. Amazing mister:)!

I am ashamed with myself - I should have backed this brilliant book long ago. Thank you for the privilege.

Excellent writing.

I have just finished reading Stonebird in its entirity.
What a wonderful read and Simon Valentine is a character who will remain wtth me for long time.

Beautifully-written and heart-rending.

Debbie

It’s very interesting coming at a story from the viewpoint of a delusional/hallucinating character. I’ve read up to chpt 4.
There are VR glasses that people in the industry can wear to experience a hallucination. It might be interesting to see if you can get your hands on a pair and experience it.
The man reminds me of a client I worked with schizophrenia – one bordering on continual hospitalization. I would rank the OCD as secondary; I suggest taking it out of the long pitch and replacing it with schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder complicated by agoraphobia and OCD tendencies.
I think I would like more backstory.
Amy
Alg Maat
The Indira Effect

“Stonebird” is an odd symbolism. “Fly like a bird or drop like a stone”, as said in the first chapter, is probably much how Simon views his life. Seems everything is go-for-it or retreat, flight or fall. I’m surprised he meets Angela so quickly, and I like how the connection between them develops. Simon seems nice, and he has interesting deductive insight. It’s so sad to see some people so shaken that they become scared of everyday life – nervousness, obsessiveness, and it’s not their fault.

On the surface Simon exists in unutterable bleakness. Though self-denied the comforts of human contact he experiences the kindness of strangers. My Singh, owner of the corner shop and the angel - aptly named Angela, first encountered in the street, are finely drawn sympathetic characters; as are all the characters in this compelling and moving narrative. I read all 19 posted Chapters which flow effortlessly on; each achieving a seamless hold on the reader's interest and curiosity. Simon's guilt ridden natural urges are subtly set against the suggested but rarely defined public perceptions and fears about people similarly afflicted as him, as a threatening stalker, or child molester and abductor. His back story is skillfully woven - thread by thread - in a tapestry of text until the dénouement with Rory. Fontaine's sensitive command and control of subject, characters and their setting throughout Stonebird is faultless. How will the novel end? A happy resolution? In tragedy? Only the author knows: the reader can be absolutely confident in her competence to deliver. Tony Brady. - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Very powerful and evocative writing. A book I am happy to back and award high stars. I read straight through 7 chapters (although I should have been working!) because I care about Simon and want to find out all about him. And I already like Angela enormously and want to know know about her.

Description and imagery both excellent. Simon not only paints murals on his walls, he paints images in my head with his thoughts, through the accomplished writing.

There are, inevitably, a few little typos and niggles, on which I don't propose to dwell, just to mention a couple. I'm assuming it's set in UK, in which case "hair which sprung" (Chapter 2) is not correct. Sprung is the north American past tense of to spring, the UK one is sprang. Although of course that might be intentional, it might be the way Simon would think.

There's a paragraph where Inside is spelled both with and without an initial capital, and at one point there's a P missing from "Last lace". But none of that detracts from a very well-crafted and intriguing read which is already high on the ratings and I very much hope will stay there long enough to make the desk.

Best of luck with it.

Tottie Limejuice
Sell the Pig

Very impressive Fontaine, I'm really enjoying reading this. Your elegant and simple writing is littered with wonderful insight. I think Stonebird will be statuesque on my bookshelf until it's published.

You are most definitely a very keen observer of human nature and also have a wonderful way with words. Your book is a very mature and compelling read. The human mind has always been a very very interesting topic. I'm glad your story has a very comfortable flow with a good number of turns and falls. You've surely done your research into this topic well. All the very best!

Priyanka Mishra
Of answers I've never sought

This is wonderful, a very real work of literary fiction that rolls by with impressive speed and comfort. There is a dark reality to your observations of human nature (crowds and individuals) and your insights into the movements and motives of the mind are incessant. The relevance of levels of sanity and people's jump to judgment is such a normal thing in your words which makes for an elegant story amongst sensitive issues.
Such erudite observations are perfectly handled. The language and style, whilst homely and sophisticated simultaneously, holds the attention: in chapter 3, "mr Singh...velvety arm"...brilliant.
The conversations are real, plaintive but coruscating.

Fantastic all round.

I adored this. It is sad but sensitively written and there is both an innocence yet also great depth to the story. High stars and I will return to read more.
Michelle -43 Primrose Avenue

SUPER BOOK, backed again ready for it to shine on the desk in May. Lara
A RELATIVE INVASION

I've read a few chapters and I really love your style of writing so far. You're in my watchlist for a more thorough read. I will return with a more complete comments.

I love this story, it brings home the fact that there are people out there like simon in a way that's sad, I like the charaters but do feel that rory could do with a good slap, you seem to understand people and it comes out in this book, its enjoyable and well written, its a subject few people would write about mental health problems are real but because it can't be seen people dismiss it,.
This will stay on my shelf fr as long as I can.
Alison

This is a very well written book, its sad he sort of life simon has had, I'm up tp chapter 8 but will read more, and will comment later.

Alison

I experienced goosebumps reading the first paragraph and broke out into a giant grin on the second. Vivid and insightful - perhaps the most compellingly authentic opening chapter I've read on authonomy so far. Bravo.

What a unique look into the mind of the mentally ill person. How sadly true but suicide is always on their mind: an escape plan. But, as he mentions in chapter two, attempted suicide for the most time just cripples the victim.

A few little things to fix, I like when people point my shortcomings, so hope you don’t mind.
Chapter 2:
Paragraph starting with “When I was In the Last Place…” needs period at the end.

Chapter 3:
Paragraph starting with “Since I couldn’t go to supermarkets…” change [,] to [.] before ‘Just’
Fix indentation in paragraph starting with “When I took the bread…” Do the same for a few paragraphs down…

I read three chapters and sighed at the end: I keep thinking about Stonebird’s way of life: things he sees, things he does or wear, place where he lives that’s smells of urine, and the lack of food. He should not be shun but understood in his uniqueness. I believe it is the purpose of this book.

Thank you for sharing it here,
Alexandra Mahanaim

I read enough to become intrigued by Stonebird, to speculate what condition he suffers. What keeps him within the walls of his own prison... The end of the first chapter was unexpected and heartlifting.
Chapter two, I admire the way you describe the her hair - heavenly. I can see why Stonebird thinks he has found an angel, with 'hair that moved like a dancing flame' as he follows her . You put us into Stonebird's mind with frightening ease, hinting darkly at his background and perhaps the birth in him of what he has become. A keenly observed and authentic view of mental illness. I have put you on my watch list and of course given you a very high rating.

Max China
The Sister

J.L.,
This is my critique for chapters eleven to nineteen. This is definitely a book I looked forward to reading more of. You have such a polished writing style and great plot.

When Simon became Stonebird when Rory was going to attack him, it was both frightening and amazing. He found a way to step out of the situation and protect himself.

I love how you caught Simon thinking in the concrete such as. ‘As I walked home, I wondered in what way I had been kind to him. Maybe because I had eaten the bacon that he wasn’t allowed to eat. It was a mystery.’ When he watches television for the first time, you captured a person with Autism’s view of the world so well. I work with students with Autism and have grown to understand their endearing way about them, so intelligent, yet so innocent of the world.

I was glad to see Simon help Rory. When Rory finally grasped who Simon was beneath his physical scars, it was a beautiful thing. It felt like a milestone was reached when he began treating Simon with kindness.

You left a pit in my stomach over Simon's new predicament. It will be so difficult for him to explain his side of the story, without incriminating himself. Someday I hope to see this published, as I would definitely buy a copy. What a highly emotional read this was. I think your writing is stellar. Best wishes!

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

J.L.,
This is my critique for chapters one through ten. I will read more and come back to comment again. I must say I think you are very talented as a writer and I can see why your book has risen to the top so quickly.

Your opening scene as Simon sees the goldfish and his fear of going through the doors were so very much like someone with OCD and someone slipping in and out of reality. I felt his anxiety. You have a good understanding of the disease and how a person with it along with a terrible background he had experiences life, as he obsesses over things that are small and insignificant to other people.

I love Simon’s character. He has built a world of his own where he can cope and live independently, despite his many difficulties. He evokes a great amount of sympathy in so many ways, by his not having friends, his lonely existence, saving the little girl’s guinea pig, despite the horror of touching the animal and through is his straightforward thoughts. He also has a tender heart. His honesty with others is almost childlike and very endearing.

A couple typos:
Ch. 2
In the Last (P)lace I’d watched a television… (missing the P)
Ch. 4
Check the sentence, ‘When David Collins called round…’ (I think something is missing here.)

I think your last line in chapter four is very powerful. “One day I would like to meet someone who is neither sorry for me nor afraid.’ This line struck an emotional chord in me.

Another typo in Ch. 6
‘(I’ll) let you know when I’ve spoken to her, all right.’

Another statement was very telling. “Having a scar like that marked me out as different even before people discovered just how different I am.

And how sad when Simon says maybe one day he might ‘decide to vacate this little space’ he filled in the world. You have a way of cutting deep with the words. Simon is a wounded person who can’t see himself as something beautiful. His feelings of worthlessness have been ingrained in him, yet, his heart is sweet. I loved when little Clara kissed Simon on the cheek.

The pacing was great in this story and I found it very well written. It is apparent you spent much time in rewrites, as it was very smooth to read. It felt very real to me. I’m giving you 6 stars for this. I look forward to reading more and will leave you another comment when I'm finished. Your book definitely deserves the desk!

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

The writing here is fluent and effortless. Extremely well written, this book takes an extremely difficult subject, highly complex characters, and yet lets the story unfold in a way that makes other writers envious, but no less impressed. No point in looking for grammatical errors here - a professionally written novel in every aspect of the word.
Mental illness is unique to every individual concerned and as such is difficult to analyse from a third party prospective, so congratulations on achieving this objective.
I thoroughly enjoyed what Ive read so far, this book deserves high praise - 6 stars from this average Joe!
Regards,
David (New Mediumship)

I'd agree with Jeryu in his point, there are a lot of people who think the mentally ill are weak and express nothing in the way of their own emotions. Such is not true. They have feelings and this book shows them in a inviting story of love, loss and struggle.

Highly rated and looking forward to the rest.

Darren

The Robe: Legacy

Great stuff, good luck

It's interesting to read a story from Simons point of view. I've met too many people who think the mentaly disabled don't have feelings and opinions.

This is a really original story, and very well written. The opening chapter had me hooked on Simon right away, and you've done an excellent job of providing the reader with a real insight into his psychiatric condition and how it affects his daily life. I'm really looking forward to reading it in it's entirety someday. Stonebird deserves to be published. On my shelf with high stars!

Marian

I am late commenting on this book because I wanted to read all that was posted first, unlike most books I read, and then quickly go without leaving a footprint, this is one of the few exceptional which takes full attention, in short it's quality writing with great attention to the inside thinking and actions of the main character Simon. I will not ramble on about nit picks. One word brilliant.

Phil. Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

This is such a beautiful moving story, i was mesmerised by it. I've never read anything like it before and can't wait to read more. Its such a good idea to write from a different point of view such as this and its so well done. Your writing is easy to follow and the chapters are not too long. High stars from me and good luck.
Michelle Read
Long Lost

Hi J.L.

So much well-deserved love for this novel coming through all those comments. Recognising brilliance, I've shelved it like everyone before me. You deserve your meteoric rise up the ranks.
There's no point finding something to give you advice about because you don't need it.
Just finish the damned thing so it can get out there.
xxxSeven Everson
Ashes of Eden

Stonebird by J L Fontaine

This is exceptional. A moving story, beautifully told. I’ve read up to Chapter 7 and am finding it virtually impossible to drag myself away – so will definitely return. Simon is a wonderful, endearing character ( I was going to use the word ‘creation’ but he comes across as a real person) and you tell his story in an enlightened, sensitive way. A solitary typo in Chapter 2, which someone has previously mentioned. just the kind of book I'd buy, so please hurry up and publish it!

A lot of stars and worthy of a backing.

Erin
Dirty Liar

This book is great. Stumbled on it when one of my friends backed it. There is very little i can add to what has already been said below but I agree with so many of the positive comments. The characterisation is brilliant and the writing wonderful. I wish you every success with this. It is thoroughly deserved.
Best wishes
Susanna

Been away a while, just come back, found this book, it must get published, fantastic read!

Hello, JL
Ch 11 on.
I like the contrast with the roughness of Rory (language, etc) with the also mothy SV. The bit where Rory is gagging is really funny; I can picture it very easily from your few well-chosen words and the fact that SV is walking ‘very, very slowly.’
The atmosphere is generated amazingly too by the fact that SV often does not answer questions – I think this is a really interesting device (one I may in fact steal !).
SV understands irony when he replies ‘you could say something unpleasant, yes.’
Great the way the terror of The Last Place is invoked by giving it upper case.
Also very real the way David C notes that SV ‘can be very direct.’
SV has a lot of inner self-knowledge when he thinks things like, ‘I just needed them both to do and for me to come to an understanding of what was happening.’
For some reason ‘the long and winding road’ reminded me of the Beatles song – I’m not sure that is your intention.
The fact that SV actually considers he might be an alien is endearing also.
Enjoyed many lines such as ‘glowed like something friendly and exotic, a little like Mr Singh himself.’
I am a bit worried that SV is falling for Angela as he is likely to be disappointed in that department.
Normally I am driven mad by writers who give us a blow by blow account every time a character so much as moves a muscle – but here for some reason this works, as in: ‘I poured the cereal out into ….drawer with cutlery in.” I think it works because we can sense that all these things are quiet achievements for SV.
Love his insights such as ‘the Skippys of this world had no choices. I did.’ (NB; no apostrophe after the y.)
I was a bit surprised he told Rory about lighting the fire but then I suppose someone like SV wouldn’t be much good at dissembling.
Can you tell me if this writing comes completely natural to you or do you really have to strive to attain this voice? I would genuinely to know whether it is possible to ‘learn’ to write in this style (which I admire so much - as I referred previously to R Rendell).
My only crit would be that sometimes SV appears to show so much insight as regards other people’s inner life as well, eg: ‘in his line of work, the knows that progress is one step forwards and two back’ – I suppose this is believable. I worked for a while with people who had breakdowns for various reasons which may be making me too cynical here; not sure. However, something unsettling has been hinted at which we will hear more about in the future.
He also seems to know that Angela would probably not return his feelings; even I have not always understood this (as will be revealed eventually in my memoir).
I see another member has given you lots of crit so I don’t feel the need to add to all that (!). I did notice some typos and a few apostrophes out of place but those things are hardly noticeable when the writing itself is so mesmerizing.
Am looking forward to seeing where this all goes.
Best wishes.
Jane Mauret
HOW TO BE INAPPROPRIATE

This is a beautiful piece of writing, Judith. I have read all you have uploaded, something I have done rarely on this site. Your characterizations are superb. The insights into Simon's private world display a remarkable depth of understanding. I noticed a couple of typos but frankly they are unimportant. What is important is getting this wonderful book to the desk. I've given it six stars. It is already on my shelf and it will remain there until it gets its medal.
Val

Hi Fontaine,

I just finished reading Stonebird. It is a touching, beautifully written, thought-provoking story that brings Simon Valentine to life. His innocent complexity leads you through page after page of awareness of how people like him view and try to fit into this world. This is a book that follows you when you stop reading. Definitely a book I will one day own.

A few notes I took:
Ch. 16: Check for a few typos.
Ch. 17: He takes Clara upstairs and puts her to bed. Then, later, he says he goes upstairs, slowly, for the fist time after he had washed in the spare room.
Ch. 18: “I waited for a few moments. Then he (I) followed him.”

Top stars and on my shelf.
L-
EBO

hey I finally popped in for a read! I loved how he thinks of the shoppers as fish, you do so well at.pulling us into his off kilter thought process!

I did notice a typo in chapter.2 when he is talking about where he lived before the 'high tide house' he says last lace instead of last place.

it is such a smooth read! high stars :)

Beautifully written. Simon is a character who stays with the reader long after the book has been put down.

Six well-deserved stars
Andy

You have certainly written a page turner. This feels very authentic and convincing. The story unfolds in a steady manner that maintains interest without seeming rushed. I found chapter 19 quite chilling, as it made me realize how easily an innocent (socially unaware) person could unintentionally incriminate themselves. You have done an amazing job developing your characters and making them feel real. I found myself genuinely caring about Simon. He seems to have less faith in himself than those trying to help him, and my heart ached for him because of this. It is obvious life has not been kind to him, and yet he is still able to see the good in others. It is not surprising, with what he has been through, that he needs Stonebird.
Are you planning to upload more? I've read everything posted, and want to see what happens to Simon.
The teacher in me needs to point out a few things. (I have a Master's degree in Education.) I recommend reviewing the rules regarding comma use and revisiting your manuscript equipped with that knowledge. Of, course, that's not a huge deal, because once you get your publishing offer, as I'm certain you will, they will assist with editing. There are a few rather obvious typos in Chapter 16. About halfway down, in the paragraph beginning, "Angela opened the front door..." the last sentence begins with, "Sh," instead of She. Then a few paragraphs below that, "I didn't [w]ant to delay her..." (missing "w")
Aside from these minor problems, I feel you have a wonderful, very publishable book. Best of luck with it!
Showered with stars and backed.

Stella J. Rabinowitz
THE SECRET LIFE OF A MORMON WIFE

Finally I managed to read parts of this absolutely exquisite novel.
amazing stuff right from the start, with the vision of shopping people turning into shoals of fish, and then the angel and everything.
the protagonist is portrayed in a perfect way....his musing on floatsam and jetsam very poetic and true, in a sad way. his initial act of love expressed by painting, and then by 'pretending', so human and humane to go beyond the idea of touching.
this work shines and sparkles beauty, insight and heartfelt participation right from the start. it deserves to be read, cherished and brought to the attention of a widw, wide public.
i six-star it, recommend it to everyone, and look forward to going back to it again and going on reading.

tony colina / OF RUST AND RAIN

Hi Fontaine,

this is the second time I've read your book, but this time I was able to read the full MS. You kept the 'voice' consistent and there was a tone of perfection right up to the end. Your story-line is believable. Your knowledge of the mental health condition shines through and adds colour to every page. Your characterisations leave no stone unturned, yet come across as natural. You don't resort to base or stereo-type images when dealing with subjects of a sexual nature. There is a lot of kindness woven into your story, and you manage to twist the general viewpoint in a clever way, so that the reader has no choice but to sympathize with the MC.

There were a couple of moments where I wondered if a few extra sentences might enhance the situational contradictions, and I shall mention them briefly:

Angela moves at a fast pace when making friends with Simon. Her brother was autistic, which predisposes her to having some understanding of the condition. Also, she is in an emotion cul-de-sac and not in full charge of her life. But I still felt that she was very quick to leave her little Clara alone with Simon.

Rory, plotwise, seems the most pivotal character in the book. He is also a wayward teenager who develops some form of human responsibility during the course of the story. I found his behaviour very harsh and hurtful in the beginning, and was wondering if in reality Simon would have been able to overcome his crippling shyness in the face of those undisguised insults, and still choose to move in with Angela despite all that aggro he encounters with Rory.
Rory's journey from a mouthy and irresponsible youth to a caring adult is well portrayed. (The 'Police, open up' was a magic stroke by Simon when winning his respect!) I found the scene in the Children's Home slightly dream-like and was surprised when Rory actually appeared in person. It comes as a bit of a shock that he's not dead. While Simon would obviously be shocked and find it unbelievable, the reader could be slightly more informed at that point, and I think a few more sentences to prepare the reader for his re-emergence might be helpful and smooth out the transition. Otherwise it sounds a bit abrupt and out of character with the rest of the story which is firmly grounded in reality and rationality.

(The art-dealer could have been a bit more jovial, as I expected him to pull a 'fast one', which never materialised, but that's a nit-pick.)

The end is harmonious with the story-line. It is positive, and not sickly in the slightest. I would have liked Simon to look Stonebird in the eye and recognise something of a glint being exchanged between them. After all, that bird has seen a lot. Not that the stone would come alive, but more as a recognition on Simons' part that the two share some deep memories, which are now being embraced by his own child.

Elvie and the handwashing made me cry, It's so meaningful and loving. She'll make a good wife and mother. She is in the know-how, but has also overcome her own predicament as a person who is free to love and accept somebody else despite blatant insufficiencies. Good psychological insights here.

I enjoyed reading this book. I've backed it again, still 6 stars. It will stay on my shelf for the time being.

Ame
Wolfmother

Interesting story Idea, the inner struggles of OCD, and the view society has on these unfortunate people. You've done a good job with character development, the reader starts to care, and this made me want to read further. The dialogue feels real and authentic, and moves the story along nicely. Overall it's a strong plot, good job-high stars-Mark Stone

Stonebird: by J. L. Fontaine
Any of the little things I have pointed out are purely to make suggestions on things that popped out at me while reading and are in no way, a reflection on my thoughts on the story or writing.

Chapter 1: First, I like short chapters. :-) This is interesting, reminded me of "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest". Seeing the "fish"...etc.
Whenever reading "first person" I can't help but look for the potential overuse of "I". Here, there were only a couple places where I might rephrase the sentence to avoid using, "I".

Chapter 2
~ The angel moved nearer....down the centre of the Shopping Centre...(this popped out at me, centre x 2. I might consider something like, down the middle of the Shopping Centre, or Shopping Mall, or something like that.)
~ I couldn't bear to lose her after that....(There is something delightful about this paragraph! The only semantic things I noticed were, "car park, storey car parks, car park (again) and then, her car." As an editor, I'd suggest improving on this just a bit. Little things, like changing the final reference to her car, as, "her vehicle".)
~ She had to search for her car keys....(Wonder if it could just be, "She had to search for her keys..." ?)
~ After she had driven off....the car park seemed...( Maybe, parking lot?)
~ When I was in The Last Place....from the top of a car park...(Once again, just thinking of ways to avoid "car park" as it's repeated often. We have what is called a "parking garage". Is that something that would work? Also, missing period at end of this paragraph.)
~ He asked me, if we were both....(ends with, car park. Sorry....)
~ I left the car park and walked....(Another term used here: parking lot. BTW, this paragraph is also magical, regarding the feelings about the house key! Very nice! )
~ I didn't know anyone who lived in the house....In the Last lace I'd watched a television programme....(Should it be, "In the Last (P)lace..." ?)
INSERT: There is a lovely innocence to the character! Holding his breath up the stairs. Drawing on the wall. leaving the light on to "pretend better". It's written in a way that causes the reader to be easily endeared to the MC!
~ That night I dreamed of the cupboard again and woke up crying. (Great line to end the paragraph!!!)

Chapter 3:
~ Since I couldn't go into supermarkets....as though I was normal, Just another customer...(Does "Just" need to be capitalized?)

Well, finished chapter 3, and am intrigued. I worked in mental health for years and have been acquainted with many different people from many walks of life, who had been labeled with a multitude of terms. Manic depression, schizophrenic, etc. Usually they were on regular meds and you could tell when they had their meds changed or forgot to take them. This character and his "habits" and first person narrative feels authentic and natural. I enjoyed reading this very much and will be back for more.
One more thing....I've read some of the other comments, and without going into detail, I'd probably ignore some of them regarding how the MC sees things, as this is "how he sees them" and doesn't need to be corrected, imo. Hope that is not too vague!
Thanks for sharing!!
~Joe / Isles End

I love this! I've only read 3 chapters, but I though I would mention something while its still fresh on my mind. When your MC mentions seeing the angel, he says that he looks at the ground, believing that if you do people won't see you (my paraphrase). When you say "believing" it takes away from the quirkiness your trying to build. I would think that it would be better to say something like: "I looked down at the ground, because if you do, people can't see you". I know your trying to paint a picture of someone who is aware that his odd behavior and way of looking at things is not right, but he has to be sold on these things to keep doing them and that line just didn't match up with his character (to me).

I'm trying to find a place for this on my shelf. It is a special book. Thanks for sharing it with us. :)

DB

The shortness of chapter one set the scene and mood and I enjoyed the read. It was better than a prologue and the objective of the opening writing remained to make the reader curious. Too long an initial chapter one and the reader might become bored. I think you've struck a good balance.
In para 2 there is a slip in POV but that is easily corrected.
I enjoyed what you read but still feel you missed a golden opportunity. Not many people might recognise an angel but your hero did. Blame it on the pills but at the same time don't make the reader feel too secure. I'd suggest the hero sees the girl out of the corner of his eye. He watches and sees her take a trail going right by him. Then there might come a point when he looks into her eyes and knows what she does. Another blink and the girl has moved on but the hero knows who she is. Seeing an angel from a few feet away makes the earth move for him. He has to follow.
There I've tossed in my two cents of wisdom and suggestion.
Best wishes and keep writing
Cleveland
House of the Skull Drum

This is fascinating - very well written so that the reader feels he/she understands how Simon feels. Moving and touching. I have put it on my watchlist to come back to later.
CJ Bowness
The Accidental Adventurers

I’ve read the first 8 chapters. I don’t know what someone like Valentine would be like, but you make him so very, very real. There is not much to review here, not that I’m good at it anyway. A couple of typos that I mention below. Other than that I just let myself become immersed in his mind. His thoughts, the way he sees the world and finds (or tries to find) a rational explanation for why and how things are is brilliant. For someone so lost, he seems to be so aware of his needs and limitations.
You write beautifully and the story has a good pace, constantly revealing the depth of your character.
Top stars.
L-
EBO

Ch.2:
Missing period at the end of P7
Ch.8:
- P2: …I got up and painted again, (t)his time adding myself to the picture.
- Missing period at the end of the third paragraph.

I honestly can't stop reading this book. You've created the perfect mentally ill man in Simon with his obsessive washing, his religious delusions, and his inability to understand human nature. His behavior is routinized and institutionalized to the point where just having his own key is such a badge of independence for him. The other characters that play around him accentuate his own character so neatly, so cleanly. Mr. Singh highlights Simon's anxiety about saying the right thing to other people, yet he hones in on Simon's reluctance to accept charity and gives him things under the guise of helping the store. On their first real meeting Angela does not say the things Simon expects her to say to him. She's not afraid of him like many others are and she recognizes that Simon, while obviously mentally ill, has value. Angela's attitude gives Simon a feeling of safety he seems to lack in every other aspect of his life.
I plan to read as much as possible today and have a feeling it will be a long while before this book leaves my shelf!
Kate Anderson
Hospital Hill: A Novel

I was really drawn to the short pitch on Stonebird and was not disappointed. I read the first 9 chapters. The opening is very well done and the character emerge with the storyline. Simon's character is true to life and I loved the idea of stonebird. You portray his OCD and autism very well. His world is tragicaly small and opens up when he meetsh is angel. You provide hooks throughout to keep the reader interested in his story.
High Stars
Sheena
The Popish Plot

Fontaine - the read and one I've been looking forward to as others have been complimentary. I've no literary training nor ever published so feel free to deal with these comments as you wish.

Simple fiction is an interesting genre and offers so much, in this case supported by your synopsis. Mental illness is one genre many others in real life have uploaded to Authonomy. It requires a very precise move into reality and a hook for the sane amongst us (and perhaps not so many of them on this site,) to use our imaginations.

Stonebird says a lot and a real tug when you understand how you chose that title.

Immediate impressions on that first Chapter are very solid. It's well written and you've not fallen into the usual traps with first person presentation, and that approach pulls the reader far closer to the MC. It's a wonderful opening Chapter so full of questions we want to know the answers to (aren't we all people watchers? or so we think). Who is David Collins, and why is Mr Singh in the corner shop so significant when others in our MC's lives are not - and who is the MC? Inside (in capitals) we can guess but adds another layer of depth to this unknown person now apparentlly able to roam society.

And yet they are not well.

The opening to the mental state I felt was almost spot on with enough info feed balanced with sufficient questions to really want me to rush to Chapter 2 - the only area where I felt you could improve is the opening paragraph - the first two sentences woulod have been too little but all 3 on my first read felt too much - something in between. But thats a very minor point on a superb opening.

Chapter 2 and the angel. In Chapter 1 you pushed us to almost believe in something weird, dumped us back to reality and then dragged us away again. Again an excellent read overall, but again I felt the hallucinations, or what you want us to believe, could be pulled back just a fraction. You've done the hard work and fired our imaginations but I felt wanted to confirm the mental illness, and there was no need. I'm mixed about those first two lines but do sense, for me at least, less is more, but only a little, as it is still a good read.

I love the use of capitals with The Last Place, and all the inferences that brings, and you've clearly chosen to juxtapose the reality of life with the MC's dreams. I want to know who David Collins is an empathise in short shrift with the wheelchair bound wannabe suicide person.

small typo - in the last (p)lace

Strong ending taking us, without any answers, into God, mental illness and the meaning of life - and the Cupboard.

I'm ok with this opening and have jumped to Chapter 10. I believe Authonomy do read early on and want to know why this is being sent to the ED for a review.

Ok - first impression is oversue of the first person 'I'. You had that down pat early on but read that opening Chapter outloud and you'll see. Some of this I can connect with and the moves through the housing/support groups. There are new characters but are working for me. This is more personal now with solid dialogue and the innocence of the kids. I'm not sure what's happened in the previous Chapters but am comfortable moving to this point.

But as this Chapter progresses it's the dialogue that drives the story and I feel you've pushed the balance too far that way. The more powerful part of the read has been stpping inside the MC's mind and that doesnt happen as they talk.

Then that final paragraph - read outloud and count the 'I's.

Chapter 11 - similar issues with first person approach but suddenly what's missing is the focused look inside the MC's mind. The counting of tablets and the places but most important his thoughts. This Chapter is more about a person who may be weird and seems to lack the depth of empathy you took from us with those earlier ones. The opening to Chapter 12 does that, almost.

The Stonebird theme is excellent and here it is, for me jumnping Chapters the first time you've pushed it. I liked that opening, a lot. The movement to Angela's house is also good and, with the paintings, the MC stays strong, and the shorter dialogue meets the less is more approach.

I read two further Chapters and the general feel was the same.

Overall an excellent read and the topic is well worth exploring. Loved the approach and one of the best opening Chapters to Authonomy. Two concerns; the first being a simple read outloud edit and tighten up still further. The next is having taken us into Simon's mind a couple of times you almost lose that empathy. I didnt see quite enough of that 'Stonebird' theme but that may be the Chapters I chose. But you are close and I would love to see HC's review for this work. Do wish you the best. Steve.

Hello, it's Amanda here picking up your suggestion to read your book :)
Wow, your blurb to Stonebird really drew me in! It gave me a good idea of what's about to happen yet also gave leway for imagination, i sense a great amount of despair in this novel but nevertheless the pitch is very intriuging!
The first chapter is simple yet again interesting to see things from Simon's point of view, i like that your character is different to the norm and is dealing with phsychological (probably spelt that wrong :P) issues.
Your chapters also have a length not too long but long enough, and i like that :)
One thing i like (on chapter two now) about your chapters is that your descriptions are very easy to understand, one doesn't have to strain to catch the full meaning of the author's voice; it's a style i'm not used to really but i'm enjoying it! Chapter two ended with something about the cupboard, left me in total suspense, it put a mysterious element in it :)
Well on chapter 7 now and i sort of feel like not that much has been going on yet but i'm continuing to read on, and when i'm finished chapter 19 i'll try and write another comment whenever possible. It's promising so far and i'm interested to see what else is in store for the reader!
I think i already have this on my watchlist but i'll check again, thanks for giving me this suggestion
to read your novel!
~Manda :)