The Pearl of Aireland

Bekmar,

Despite what Jim Darcy wrote, I thought your book is very well-written. Maybe you had a couple mistakes at the beginning, but the story in itself is really good and filled with lots of action and intrigue. I didn’t find a single thing to trip me up, the plot pulled me in right away.

What I really like is that you allow your reader to use their imagination to create the “details” of the setting and your main player’s physical traits. So many people tell exactly what their characters look like and what they are wearing - but not you. Kudos!! And when you do give a little description it’s woven subtly into the story. That is an art.

Coming up with a double-jeopardy spell like you did, takes a lot of imagination too and adds even more suspense to the plot. I really liked what I read and rated The Pearl of Aireland very high!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Wow! I gave you high stars for this book! I think it's great, and loved the romantic feel all the way through, even in the times in childhood she questioned marriage and then contemplated her first meeting with Prince Edan. Her meeting with Prince Aric at the end left just the right hook for this end scene. I think this was very beautifully written and saw very few errors as I read through.

I only saw one minor thing you might consider changing, and a couple typos, but other than that it seemed flawless to me.

In the pitch, when it said 'a powerful young magician who protect her.' I think you meant to say, 'a powerful young magician who would protect her.'

Chapter 2 - and this is just my thought. But, I saw you used the word table three times in the paragraph. Consider changing this.

Also in Ch. 2 - On her wedding day (an) instead of (and) Airish girl...

Other than that I saw nothing else and really enjoyed reading your imaginative, enchanting tale. Hope you do well with this!

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

Hello, everyone! I'm planning on putting up some more chapters by the end of August, and I need some ideas for a better title before I publicize this novel on Autho. Any suggestions can be sent to me in a private message, and will be very appreciated!

I love fairy tales and am happy to have come across one on the site. You have set up a very dynamic first chapter and some of your descriptions are very nice. There are some places that I think might benefit from some editing, basically tightening up some sentences. But over all, this is a nice beginning to your story.

Best of luck with its success on the site. :)

Dyane
The Purple Morrow

Oooooh, I like a good story with spells, curses and evil magicians. You build a great set of tensions within the first few chapters that will draw the reader forward through the book. The wrting is fluent and very easy to read, with just enough dialogue to set a great pace. My only concern is the use of the name Conan, being the name of a rather famous Barbarian.
Highly starred.

Great descriptions of the world your protagonists inhabit. I will go and read more thoroughly to provide a more concise critique. So far the dialogue, storyline, and tension flow well.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

I really enjoyed your book and I can't wait to read more!!! Your princess, Meghan, is amazing and I adore her so much! She is such a realistic character. I can imagine hanging out with her and enjoying myself a lot. She is spirited and fun. I also love your setting. You described your world in a way that made it sound so beautiful and magical.
I loved our book!! And now I am fully intrigued by this Aric. Please let me know when you put more up!

Ali Schanbacher

your narrative is right up my street. well done

Chapter three is so cute with the child tone you write for Meghan's words. It makes me smile while reading it.
Your words flow so well as your story develops more.
I am really enjoy your story.
Will return for more later.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

I really like this story. You develop it well with great skill.
There is a lot of magic and spells in it, but I like the IDEA of the story the best.
You put it together with a lot of thought and creativity that it pulls the reader inside.
I will read more later.
Good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

The Pearl of Aireland-
Really liked the Prologue/chapter 1. I did get the feeling of the sleeping beauty curse and it also created some interested as to why Daemond was punished. Although, when King Conan was mentioned all I could think about was Conan the Barbarian- sorry! :) Overall a well paced enjoyable read.

Some minor editorial issues:
Long pitch- He plans her to marry Prince Edan of Belkland, A powerful young magician who (can?) protect her.

Chapter 2- "You saw Daemond yourself not not two hours ago!" (did you mean to put 2 'not's in the sentence)

Chapter 4- "But it's better the the (2 'the's) way Edwin and I agreed to do it."

Chapter 6- "I have sent with his (this?) letter a carton of honey from our hives near the castle."

Hope this was helpful. Best wishes. Desi

Bekmar,

Despite what Jim Darcy wrote, I thought your book is very well-written. Maybe you had a couple mistakes at the beginning, but the story in itself is really good and filled with lots of action and intrigue. I didn’t find a single thing to trip me up, the plot pulled me in right away.

What I really like is that you allow your reader to use their imagination to create the “details” of the setting and your main player’s physical traits. So many people tell exactly what their characters look like and what they are wearing - but not you. Kudos!! And when you do give a little description it’s woven subtly into the story. That is an art.

Coming up with a double-jeopardy spell like you did, takes a lot of imagination too and adds even more suspense to the plot. I really liked what I read and rated The Pearl of Aireland very high!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

reined not reigned; kit and caboodle not kitten caboodle. At the moment your need of a severe edit is hiding a good story. Also, a tip I was given by an agent is that wherever you have the word 'began' as in began to converge in the section above (chap 1), remove it and go straight to the verb. Just IMO. :)