All The Little Sacrifices

Hi
I've read four chapters of your novel. Excellent humour, truly funny and intelligent. If there is a criticism it's that the humour comes at too thick and fast a pace to the extent that it becomes a little too pat. It could be that it's not my usual read, but i think some kind of mixing up of styles would be of help. You obviously have a gift for buiding up tension - for eg, when Janet finally gets to meeting Raine Cox - perhapp you could create something more dramatic in this way. I'll read on when I can and in the meantime add to watchlist
Best Wishes Robert

Hi,

I've read the seven chapters you sent me - I'm sorry it took so long, but I've been extremely busy; but I did it.

I haven't noticed many changes in the rewrite, but it is still very good and I very much enjoyed it. The humour is excellent - subtle and clever. The narrative voice is excellent and I really got a feel for Janet. The other characters are well drawn and I got a real feel for Janet's world and her own insecurities in it. The concept is great - highly original and the writing has a very fresh feel. There isn't anything like it. The dialogue was good for the most part and the writing extremely polished.

The only apprehension I feel is that the story's structure does feel very unsubtly done. I would certainly have much preferred it if Carter's warning to Janet about Raine was a little bit more mysterious and didn't fully explain everything to Janet. It would leave the reader guessing later as she managed the lines well and the coinicidence of Pandita's death.

Another instance is how Janet recalls the events to the two investigators - we had just read the chapter, we know whether she took a sip of wine or not; we know that a hand had leapt out etc. I think it could be better done in reaffirming and throwing doubt on the reader's knowledge - perhaps suggest the idea that seeing the hand could have been an effect of the drug in the champagne - hence the hallucinations we're told it causes (and it isn't obvious in reading it if you're trying to say the hand was an hallucination). That would be a very good little detail I think.

One major thing that irked me, too, in terms of structure was the lead up to her infatuation with Raine Cox. I think you should slip it in subtely close the very start. Perhaps mention the letter she wrote when she was eleven - and then bam! we see it again when the investigators show up. You, of course, keeping the full detail on her admiration in conversation with Vix, but alluding it to it earlier (and it is significant) will make the story feel better rounded for the reader rather than just throwing something like that in.

A second moment in the structure that I never got an explanation for was why Raine Cox was in her room and not at the party? It was her event and I'm sure she would have mingled with the guests. I had the same feeling the first time round, but I don't think I commented on it.

Lastly, Pandita's death was ok but the general effect Pandita has on Janet seemed too substantial for me to appreciate. We of course have only been engaged with Pandita once and I do feel you need another scene with her, because I can't empathise with any of Janet's feelings about it in chapters 6 and 7. I really do think you need another chapter here where we are witness to Pandita and Janet's relationship - perhaps the understudy outshining her induced by Raine's effect. That way we'll know Pandita better and then she dies. It will also act to counter the effect that the play suddenly having its opening night had on me - there was no warning of that (another significant thing in Janet's life). I would also like to see something of Carter by this point - he remains significant but elsuive.

The last issue I had was the description of Vix came too late - I had to totally alter my vision of what she looked like. Again with Janet when you describe her as extremely thin and a bag of elbows. If you brought Vix's description in earlier and alluded to how thin Janet is, then there wouldn't be so much of a jump for me.

But they're the only problems. I thought this is fantastic and I love your writing. Your humour is incredibly witty and works well in the story. Janet is an excellent protagonist and every character in this is fascinating.

Joe

This is the nicest book I have read on here so far - backed you - hope you get to ED soon!

I must admit that this is not my ideal read. For some reason, first person narratives in the present tense irritate me. However, I also appreciate good writing when I see it. The dialogue works very well and pushes the story along at a cracking pace. Good luck!
Stewart
Fetishes and Foibles

First thing which caught my attention was the short pitch. It was so positive, I thought, yes... that's the way to go. The long pitch wasn't disappointing either and so stopped by for a read.

The opening could do with some of the I's editing out as there were just too many. First person can be much more intimate without them cropping up all the time and often makes the voice come over as much more developed. Starting with just... A failed TV pilot etc would have been fine.

Cracked up laughing several times, but the alas poor... you know how it goes - had me in stitches. Brilliant.

It's a long time since I've read anything as funny which actually made me laugh out loud. Loved it.

Will read on and comment some more as I do. Meanwhile.... shelved.

- All the Little Sacrifices -

(Chapters 1-8)

Just to get my overall verdict out the way upfront, I thought this was very tight, accomplished writing and I enjoyed reading it a lot. The voice is engaging, the characters vivid and the narrative moves along at a snappy pace.

Although I'm really into sitcoms and standup, I don't often find that humour transfers well into novels so I usually give that section a wide berth in the bookshop. As such, this wouldn't be my usual fare. It probably speaks more to the quality of the book then that I enjoyed it so much.

The humour, I thought, was largely excellent. It had me laughing out loud in the second paragraph and quite often from there. My absolute favourite funny bit was the 'Battered' pilot, but honourable mentions go to 'like shagging a bage of elbows' and the thought of knickerless Janet putting folk off bacon sandwiches. There were a few that didn't land with me. Some (like the Da Vinci Code comparison) didn't because they were pop culture references I just wasn't hip to while one or two I felt might have been overegging the pudding a bit. For example (in chapter 7, I think) the bit about waking up to find Brooklyn Beckham was PM. Although there, I think I mostly didn't like the qualifier 'When I say 'cool'....'

As a small point, I though both the 'Battered' bit and the following bit about the racist face cream were hilarious. But, just as far as timing goes, I wondered whether the face cream line saps something away from the 'Battered' one by coming so soon after it. I felt like 'Battered' was the money gag so part of me wanted a bit of space for it to breathe and be soaked in.

But what do I know?

A: Not much.

The characterisation I thought excellent, too. As I say, the voice of the MC is very engaging but, on top of that, the cast of extrovert, OTT personalities gives a real vibrancy to the proceedings. I thought Vix was a great character, not to mention plot-driver, and Pandita was pretty good as an example of C-list celebdom.

I'll stick this on my shelf in the near future. As accomplished and polished as it is though, I have the feeling it should be doing the subbing rounds rather than kicking about around these parts.

Cheers,

Ross

Love the humor in this story. Janet, the MC, is so likable that you can't help worrying about her, especially knowing something bad is just around the corner.

After reading the first few chapters, I can't think of anything constructive to offer. The book is very well written and nicely paced. Nice work.

Jane

This is easily the most accomplished genre fiction I have ever read on this site. It is flawless writing, superb humour that stays subtle, a wicked plot, and a protagonist who most people will identify with easily, and then be able to understand and remain empathic with during the fall.

I read it all straight through, which is something I almost never do. For a moment, I felt slightly deflated when the story jumped forward in chapter 8, but that soon passed as you unfolded the intervening events before Raine re-appears. It turned out a clever device that worked extremely well.

It was also good to see the switch of roles with Janet and Vix, as the latter becomes the sensible one. The psychology throughout is spot on, including influence that might be fame or may be the internal demon, or both.

I'd love to read the rest of the novel if possible (please let me know). And I'm assuming you have, at a minimum, an agent trying to find a home for this.

Six stars is the least this deserves, and I have to find room on my shelf too. It will stay there until it makes the desk. (Read my other reviews. I am genuinely knocked out by this novel)

Minor suggestions:

It's got (to) the point…
Since around July … All around the…
Carter hangs, from the climbing bars – why the comma?
tongue poking out … I poked her in the ribs
"How did you know that?" – I think an expletive is needed
(Maybe a better book cover)

This book feels so natural to me. Its as if you have been writing all your life. I love this kind of writing and I think this is going to do so well. The desriptive voice, the flow of the story and the book, the pacing and the story itself are all so matched and there is nothing bad to say about this book. Well done. High score.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

I'm afraid I don't have any helpful comments.

I read this all nearly a year ago, when you only had about 10,000 words posted, and backed it then. When I returned to the site, I saw you posted more, and then read the rest, and I still love it. I think I'd go so far as to say it's the best thing I've ever read on this site. The writing is not amateur, never bogged down with irrelevancies, and never boring.

Janet's dark sort of humor is entertaining, and helps to keep the reader engaged. Though I can see her personality sort of changing after her Raine encounter, she doesn't become less likeable.

The introduction of the Poole sister sort of threw me for a loop, but not in a bad way--only makes the whole thing more interesting.

I hate leaving comments like this; I feel so useless. But it's beautiful, it really is.

L

Just read the first chapter after seeing your post on the forum. You have a really engaging, easy to read style that draws your reader in. I knew within the first couple of paragraphs that I was in safe hands and I really enjoy your mischievious, tongue in cheek undertones. I think you've got a great balance between dialogue and background information; I love the little touches such as the farting jelly shoes. I also already hate Pandita. I'm keeping this on my WL and will come back to it.

Marnie

I have read all four chapters and wish there is more (another four?). Also, was taken aback by the recent change of titles. That said, this writing is very good and the story seems to be building up to something sensational--like the Faustian bargain or the Portrait of Dorian Gray. Will back in Feb.

Very funny. Sharp. Modern. Only read the first chapter more to follow. It's on my shelf.
Danny J.

This is so enjoyable I couldn't 'put it down.' Brilliantly written, fantastic dialogue, funny and yet hypnotic....so very different. No negative comments at all!
Andrea
the de Amerley Affair

Well constructed multi-themed story with elements of horror mixed in with romance makes Planet Janet thankfully an unusual read. Actually its complete crap. When most postings of this type slavishly follow a prescriptive template in the hope of emulating the success of whatever published author is currently in vogue, it is refreshing to find a work which kicks the trend and tries for individuality. Actually its worse than most things on this site.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

No, Dedalus. Perfectly drawn. And not just Janet: Vix, Pandita, Raine, Carter and Etcetera, too - most of all Etcetera. And drawn with a brush that makes both them and your scenarios very easy on the eye and a joy to walk through. I haven't come across light, spontaneous wit like this in many a novel, nor come to know the characters so well.

Let's no be too stuffy about this.

Go! Get it out there - and well done.

AJB

I've had this on my watchlist for some time when I saw you uploaded a new book. Lickety Split was a tremendous read, probably the best book on authonomy and I constantly think of it even though it has been a year or since I read all you uploaded. So with that in mind I was really looking forward to, and had high expectations for this; and it did not disappoint.

I've read three chapters and am leaving my comments now as I'll be busy for the next couple of days and won't be able to read the 4th for a while. I really liked this and it is a great concept (rather similar to my new book in settings) and the story is incredibly enticing. From the pitch, and having reached the end of the first chapter, I could already tell the great conflict of the story: Janet's love for Carter or Janet's love for her career. Its a rather unique twist to the love story idea, if she wants an acting career she'll end up killing him by sleeping with him and I'm excited to see how this turns out.

I thought the characters surrounding Janet were really well drawn, unique and life-like (this may have been an area which was better done than in Lickety Split): Vix, Pandita, Raine, Carter, etc. Even the two policemen felt real - and you do this with such little effort. The detective staring out of the window was all you had to do to give the reader some feel for a psychology and behaviour.

The flow, pace and structure of the novel was excellent. I enjoyed reading it.

I suppose I'll offer some negatives now. I don't think this is ready to send off to agents - there are various parts, especially in chapter 1, which aren't all that well written. It is close to a completed version, but I think you just need to go over it to iron out sentences which make one stumble. The other aspect related to this is the two paragraphs of conversation between Janet and Raine was so incredibly different to the style of the narrative and dialogue of the story that it didn't feel natural. I think you need to alter that to make it match how you write elsewhere. It felt as if it came to think and fast and was stilted in comparison.

The main issue, however, is actually on the character of Janet, as I see it, and while just a few lines in I got a great grasp for her psychology and her insecurities, etc. Which was excellent. But the area I feel is missing, and there's only vague hints, is how good looking is she? Is she motivated to become a star of the show? How self-conscious is she about her body and her own abilities? What, essentially, is her conception of herself?

I know you're probably thinking you've made all this clear by mentioning things several times throughout the story - but that in fact only served to confuse me slightly more. I'm not quite sure of how she perceives herself and to what extent she is determined to be a future star. I feel where this is falling short is the mix between her determination and then her shyness/self-consciousness - if you had a paragraph somewhere that allowed these two things to confront each other it may solve this issue.

But having said all that I think its excellent.

Joe

Okay, seems you can.
I’m on to Ch. 2 and the great lines keep coming. I particularly enjoyed the one about “complicated handshakes”.
Comedy is difficult, but you seem to have not only the inspiration but also the discernment not to under or overdo it.

I have read all you have posted, now. There’s nothing to critique here; it reads like something you would buy in a book shop. My apologies for the nonsense below.
Are you planning to publish it?

Saw your forum post, thought I’d take a look - so that worked.
Profile has a solemn vow to return reads, and Raymond Chandler at the top of your list of favourites - both pluses.
Scanned a couple of gushing comments. Yeah well, we’ve all got those.

So, expectation laced with wariness, I embarked on your opening line. Hmm, not a show stopper, but functional, and grammatical too. So far so good.
Next paragraph, a character sketch, brief and effective. Looking better.
“Either Pandita’s improvising, or she’s talking to me.” - Made me smile. So Ms. Moody, I thought, burning off the last of my wariness, can you sustain this?

The phone rings. It’s the real world. Says I’ve got work to finish. Bugger.

To be continued …

Hi V,

Wow. This is an edgy paranormal story, there's no doubt. The idea of an actress wannabe and every man she sleeps with dying is just awesome! I don't think I have ever read something like this before. I like it and I think you did a very good job with the title, the pitches, and the plot.

After reading just the first chapter, I got hooked. And that's because of your impressive writing style. You've introduced us to Janet and then from then on, I began to like her a lot. Her dreams are very much alike to most women her age and I would want her to take the opportunity of a lifetime whatever it takes.

I wish you all the best. I really enjoyed it and because of that, I'm giving you 5 stars!

May I invite you to read and rate my book as well? Thank you in advance for your help!

D
LEO & ROVER: THE PURPLE MARBLE ADVENTURES

This is good stuff even if it is not what I would normally regard as my kind of book (Too old! Me, that is, not the book). Written at just the right pace and in the right style for a book of this genre. Well done!
Philip John

I love tales of intreigue and this has a wonderful plot line.

Four cracking chapters; it's a shame there aren't more. I struggled to find something to criticise but came up blank. Not even a typo.

I wasn’t sure I would like this story when I began but after just a few sentences I was hooked. It is really a great and humorous story that is extremely well written. I can easily see this being a very successful play on the London stage. I lived in London (actually Hammersmith) for a couple of years and loved British ‘farce’ plays. Heck, it could even be a movie and enjoy success in the U.S. It is certainly good enough, and if you push hard it will make the ED. If you don’t get picked up by a publisher it would certainly be worth self publishing on Amazon. Six stars and best of luck.
David

you have a tight confident style that I can't fault. You know your voice and you're very comfortable using it. It flowed very smoothly.

This isn't my kind of book but I'ver read enough of most genres to say it is well paced, keeps you turning pages and we know enough to engage and keep our curiosoty. The actual content is a a matter of taste and I see no point in me commenting on that, as I have already said it isn't my kind of thing. Also in syaing that if I read it lying on a beach I think it would entertain me well enough.

only criticism- don't like the title. It seems more chick-lit than horror. Okay one more, I think your book is better than your blurb.

Don't know what your status is regards agents/publishing but good luck. Also I think it could really work going the amazon kindle route.
B

Oh my goodness! This is awesome. It is so very good. Your writing is delightful and the story is so much fun. I started laughing by the second paragraph. How is a horror story hilarious? You have managed to do it. Bravo! Bravo! You get fifteen stars from me (however, only six appear here) and a backing.

Abby

Dear V. Moody,
Since Planet Janet is sooo my genre, I want to send you my special thanks for sharing such a good read. Janet's first person voice is sincere and very cool at times. Your introduction of Vix from the beginning gave me the impression that he is also one of your MCs. I truly enjoyed the layout, structure and pace of your novel, and liked the socialite-tension you created before we meet Raine Cox. I have a feeling that Carter and Mathilda Stanton are big time entertaining characters (which will probably unfold clearly within the next chapters) and Pandita William is my kind of character that I LOVE to read about.

High stars and WL'ed. I may even back Planet Janet when the time comes and when you're closer to the ED.
Best wishes,
Lucette Cohen Fins- Ten Deep Footprints

Hi Mooderino
So, I went first in our swap.
Planet Janet is very well written, funny, slightly addictive and a great page turner. I finished the four uploaded chapters. Janet the struggling actress, ending up at a Raine Cox's party having been lured there and abandoned by Vix. Raine getting drugged, the police finger pointing at Janet, the now adult, with the letter from her eleven year old self being used as if she were a stalker of the stars. Then the brash Pandita getting her own Pandita effect by being killed in a car crash, after being hit by a bus. All this leading to Janet's big break. The first mention of the P. effect had my eyes watering.
All in all, a romp of a read with lines like... 'Girls like Pandita can have a picture taken of them getting out of a car knickerless, and the next day they’re the new face of L’Oreal. I’d just get blamed for putting people off eating kebabs.' and ....'Nurse Roger’s face does an odd flinch, like he was about to produce a boiled egg from mouth, but decided to swallow it instead'
Great comic writing and a six star experience. I know that this one will do well on Authonomy too. For the moment my shelf is as bunged up as a bishops lower bowl before lent so no room for the moment. Will be keeping Planet Janet on my W/L for future backing. Hopefully more will be uploaded.
D.J
The Ghost Shirt

Best thing I've read here for ages.

I love it V.Moody and will keep reading......Brilliant!

Phil (Arabella)

I'm still laughing, this is a very funny piece of work. "I decide to hear him out. My eye's closed and my lips slightly parted. Because I hear better that way." This is a great line. Vix "I was listening with my eyes." Great humour through out. Very likable characters which makes you want to keep reading. Backed and highly stared.

I like the humour in this, and the dialogue is very natural. I can't see much to criticize, it's a lovely little read and I hope it does well!

Awesome.

That is all, thank you. Backed. Or it will be when I get on a real computer, it doesn't seem at you can actually back books from an iPad.

Definitely going to back this. I'm about halfway through and I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. It's very well written. I'm not the world's best critic, but I'll try.
At times it feels a little too fast paced. My guess is that that's the way it supposed to be, but it kind of throws me off.
But it's definitely a good piece of work, so I'll continue reading. Well done :)

Hello Mooderino,

I'd been looking forward to reading this as I remembered enjoying your last book very much. I'm not much use at critiquing so I tend to just bob in a few comments on typos and whathaveya to begin with. It's probably more for my benefit than yours: just makes me feel like I've worked my ticket rather than spewing platitudes. So, I'll proceed:

Ch1: Bit of repetition here, "black actor" followed swiftly by "black curls". You could maybe just change that to something like dark, eh? "dark curls", I mean, not "dark actor".

The jokes fly thick and fast from the outset, some very memorable one-liners. "Mary Shelley's Betty Jenkins" though, I wasn't vibing too much on that one, bit tenuous. Didn't really matter though, bit like in the "Airplane" movies where if one jokes not quite up to snuff there's always a better one right up its arse!

Ch2: I was just starting to get a bit tired of the Vix as magician/hypnotist allusions. And then there was one last one at the top of Ch2 and then they stopped. So, that was alright.

Shouldn't there be a quotation mark after "You're a sweet boy"? Not sure really, because it's a speech interrupted by Janet's thoughts and I do not know the rules governing that. Just asking.

I can't read my own writing here, but there's a bit that goes something like "it's not a cloud parting" that has got a double space after it. These comments are getting a bit thin, now, I know. It's a very well polished piece on the whole.

Ch4: Maybe a missing word here; "The part's (as) good as yours." Are these kind of comments helpful, or annoying? Because I'm even starting to get on my own nerves with these now. That's the last one, though.

Oh,wait, no it's not! I spotted an extract on your thread today, where it said something about Vix (I think) pretending to be a Filipino prostitute. It wasn't in the four uploaded chapters, though. I reckon that should be "Filipina", though, that means woman - "Filipino" is male. Unless "Filipino" is the collective noun, could be. You never know, patriarchal societies and all that.

Anyway, beyond all that I enjoyed it very much. I can't think what I was going to say about it now, I've done my own head in a bit with the above nit-picking and trying to read my notes. I think I was going to say something about how in "Lickety Split" you made an apparently humdrum scenario (office politicking) entertaining and in this new one you've made a fanastical scenario seem oddly tangible. Something like that, but it sounded a lot better when I thought of it earlier.

Making a bit of a twat of myself now, I'll wrap it up succinctly: I liked your book very much, it was well-characterised, engaging, original and funny. I'll bob it on my shelf at some point in the future.

Dave

V,
An aspiring actress seeks her big break in show biz and gets it, the lead part even, in spite of a queasy stomach threatening rupture. Janet is both sympathetic and funny, not a bad combination, intimating that the laughter will be with her and not at her unless she wishes to be laughed at. Your phrasing is straightforward and clear increasing the shock value of your clever twists when you wish to spring them. Thank you so much for the titillating read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Good writing.
Unique and clearly different plot.
This isn't my sort of book, but write well.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

I have some experience of this world and so I feel safe to say that your novel, to borrow a phrase I once saw on another book, 'rings horribly, hilariously true'. Backed and highly starred and deservedly so.

This is a very funny read. I love the theatrical setting, it seems like you have personal experience of such an environment and such people. The writing is straightforward and engaging. The pace is just right and the tone is witty, with some great one-liners. High stars.

Hello, just taken a peep at your book and love it! it's fast paced but not too fast that you can't keep up, has a light air with a narrative that makes you want to follow, all in all an excellent read, very highly stared and on my B/S soon.
All the best Karen Faking it in France.

Hi there. I've been hearing lovely things about your work, so I wanted to check it out. I took some notes down as I read the first three chapters, and I'm sad to say I don't think they'll be at all helpful as it's mostly praise.

Firstly, I'm in a Starbucks right now, and I blame you for all the strange looks I'm getting -- I've been alternately smiling and laughing my ass off, staring at the computer screen -- people must think I'm nuts. I like how you're able to weave humor throughout the narrative without trying too hard and becoming obnoxious.

In the first chapter, I liked the sneaky way you informed us that Vix is black, instead of just coming out and stating it.

The Pandita Effect was great -- and in that whole paragraph I learned more about Pandita, a typical self obsessed starlet with a God complex.

One of the things I'd've changed is in the first chapter, when Vix is speaking, you tack on the ''...this from the girl,..." at the end. I get that you're steadily giving us more information this way about Vix, but the repetitiveness of it all got a little wearing.

I did find myself wondering what in the hell urinal cake is. Never heard of that in all my life.

Intriguing the way you introduce us to the myth surrounding Raine Cox midway through the first chapter - real page turner. Now I have to know if she's as bad as Carter's said. Speaking of Carter, I wonder why Janet would find him so appealing (aside from being good-looking) when she's stated many times that he's something of an idiot. I guess I just expected someone with such a witty internal dialogue to have better tastes in men.

I don't know if you intended this as sarcasm, but I found it very hard to imagine orange-faced women to be glamorous. Seems like they'd be anything but, in my opinion. Same with the large-toothed Translyvanian woman. I am thinking you meant this sarcastically.

I love the strange melancholy that's surrounding Raine. I think, from reading the pitch, that she's made some awful deal with a demon for her success, and subsequently Janet will as well.

It was very disgusting but very awesome, the description of the clawed hand protruding from Raine's mouth at the end of Chapter 2.

Going to give you high stars, and I'd like to back it for you. I can't right now, but please let me know when you get closer to the desk -- I want to be there to support you when it matters most.

Melissa

I love this book.

Great atmosphere, wonderful characters and setting. This is a fun book that deserves to ride high in the charts. On my shelf.

Hi Moody,
I just dropped in to read your chapters!
They are very well written, the pace is fast without feeling rushed and the characters are believable. The only thing I thought you might describe a little more was when Janet arrives for the job at the party. It initially seems like Fitz is going to turn her away, but then he just sends her to change. I thought there might have been a reason he took her on. I also thougth you might make it a little clearer how she knew the commedians had the champagne since Janet was not the one serving champagne.
Anyway, I think it is great and I wish there was more! High Stars!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

BTW the title makes me think of Schoolhouse Rock! I am singing the jingle in my head!

There’s been a fair old buzz about Planet Janet so I thought I’d stop by for a quick read to see what all the fuss is about. I’ve only read the opening chapter but, even so, it’s easy to see why people are getting so excited. This really is an extremely accomplished, confident, original piece of work. The writing is terrifically smooth. I don’t think I noticed any typos/grammatical mistakes/formatting problems (maybe ‘programme’ rather than ‘program’ but I think that’s open to debate??) which made for an extremely fluent, immersive read. Fantastic stuff.

The prose itself has a good blend of clear and unfussy, almost filmic incidental detail to root the reader in a specific moment (eg. ‘an espadrille falls onto the dusty parquet floor with a smack. Her toe nails are painted bright green,’ ‘I fan myself with my script and scratch my flaky, sunburnt nose’) and more elaborate/flamboyant word play/comic asides to flesh out Janet’s character and preserve the tremendously funny tone of the piece.

There are some fabulously inventive, often terrifically witty one-liners and comic phrasing (eg ‘Either Pandita’s improvising…’ ‘Rosa Krantz/Gilda Stern,’ ‘I hear better that way,’ ‘rummage through the wardrobe mistress’s undergarments,’ ‘Made-to-order tits and a two hundred quid hairdo,’ ‘fucking a bag of elbows’) which lends the novel an engagingly madcap, almost anarchic unpredictability. Once or twice, I did feel that some of the humour was either slightly over-egged or just plain missed the mark (‘I clarify, for legal reasons,’ ‘says the girl with the crystal ball,’ ‘he’s too hot to argue,’ ‘you call the shots,’ ‘blamed for putting people off eating kebabs’) but that’s probably just my personal preference.

I really like the short, declarative, almost voice-over-like asides you drop into the prose (eg. ‘Alas, poor Yorick,’ ‘And breathe,’ ‘Here it comes’ etc) although I was wondering whether you might think about italicising them to distinguish them more clearly from the rest of the narrative??

The dialogue feels real and purposeful and adds tremendous energy to the scenes as well as being extremely funny in places. I did feel, however, particularly for an opening chapter, that the narrative seemed ever so slightly dialogue-heavy and I rather longed for a little more character introspection/backstory/scene setting etc to balance out the witty one-liners and rapid-fire conversational exchanges. I also found your use of dialogue tags slightly distracting. I’m assuming this is a deliberate ‘style’ choice you’ve made, but I really can’t work out why you appear to tag pretty much every line of dialogue, even when it’s clear from the context etc who’s speaking?? Similarly, I found your use of tags before dialogue (eg Carter says [comma]’ etc) rather stagy and distancing. Again, I’m assuming this is a deliberate style choice but I really don’t see what purpose such tagging serves other than to irritate the reader??

(I should make clear that my 'problems' with the dialogue (as with all other ‘criticisms’ I’ve made) really are only minor niggles. It’s clear you’re an extremely experienced and accomplished writer so I’m assuming you’d prefer feedback to focus in on any negatives rather than just concentrating on the many positives?? I know this is the type of feedback I’d prefer.)

Janet comes across as an extremely engaging, funny, self-deprecating, appealingly flawed main character, someone the reader can quickly empathise with and root for. The subsidiary characters feel three-dimensional and distinct and work well off each other. Vix and Janet seem to work particularly well together with Vix’s rather hard-bitten cynicism serving as a good comic foil for Janet’s slightly more upbeat naivety. I suppose, if I were to make any criticism about characterisation, it would be that, once or twice, some of the phrasing/word choice (eg ‘cascading blonde hair,’ ‘shagging models,’ ‘smells of… urinal cake,’ ‘barely five foot eight,’ ‘decent whack’) felt ever so slightly ‘male’ for a female narrator. I have no idea whether you’re male or female, V - and the occasional 'maleness' of the narrative voice is only a vague impression – but, for what it’s worth, I just thought I’d mention it.

The plot, as far as I can make out, sounds well thought out and original with plenty of opportunity for slapstick/farce/satire/romance/social commentary etc. I notice from the genre listings that there is also an element of horror to the novel which feels like an interesting twist on the traditional modern rom-com format.

Really enjoyed this, V. High stars for now and kept on my watchlist until I’ve got time to come back for a longer read. Thanks and best of luck. P

It is obvious I can only comment on the 4 chapters (love to read the rest) Two and a half years ago I was number 1 talent spotter, for six months between 1 and 5. Your good Mr Moody, very very good. I found this a really great read, could not stop once started, finished its a winner. If I was looking to be a top T.S (been there wore the T shirt) would put this on my shelf, the five I have are brill winners, so (My problem). "What tiny acorns turn into" "Squirrel shit." Why would I not think of writing that? because I am not. V. Moody, nice one.

Portraits Of A Small Peasant. Phil.

This book is a lot of fun. Its well written with great dialogue and amusing characters. Planet Janet is a great title, and the pitch drew me in straight away.
The world of the theatre brings a different slant to the story, its interesting and brings more laughs.
Didn't see any edits but I was enjoying it so much I wouldn't have noticed!
Great story. High stars.
Junetee(Four Corners)

Well written, well paced, descriptive and funny. Well worth a read

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are amusing and entertaining with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Just finished the remaining read.

I like the title, Planet Janet, it reminded me of Rocky Horror Show and that pulled me in. Not sure about the cover, I couldn't make it out. I like the show business setting, it felt like the author lives in this world and it was well portrayed. The narration is likeable and the story is great fun and clever. Glad to have found this and backed it.