Book Jacket

 

rank 2549
word count 30493
date submitted 18.03.2012
date updated 07.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Romance, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Awakened Voices

TRM

Is it destiny? Or is it a choice?

 

This is Part One of the Caster's Bond series, and a prequel to Darkened Voices (which has become Part Three of the series). Very much a work in progress, this is in need of a lot of feedback. In particular:


Are the MCs people you want to spend time with? Are they believable, well grounded, sufficiently flawed to be real (despite their fantasy setting)? That being the question particularly for the female characters. This tale will grow into an epic fantasy but it is essentially a romance as the relationship between the MCs is central to everything.


Is the world building sufficient to immerse the reader in a different world? Does anything jar, and break the suspension of belief?


The pace and structure of the story is deliberately languorous. Is it too much so? I'm tired of frantic fantasies that pile on the padding in lieu of story-driven, plot-demanded action. The pace accelerates throughout the series, becoming more and more dark and violent.


Is there anything else that jolts? This is meant to be a smooth if swooping roller-coaster ride.

Cheers!

 
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tags

academy, caster's bond, curse, danger, destiny, healer, magic, oracle, secret, seer, students, taboo, voice-caster

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3 comments

 

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Celine Zabel wrote 124 days ago

TRM,

I read through your second chapter here. Fascinating. I'm sure all these characters will come together some how. I think this is a very good start to your novel. I like your writing. It is clear. It flows. The story is believable in the sense that it is in. The timing of dialogue is good. the barn fire was intense--therefore well written.

The following broke the flow for me: Chap 1-"Her gasp made him jump fo her feet". I didn't know who's gasp it was at first... Chap 2 "Especially if there's dogs." That should be "there are dogs". Chap 2 Callien and Yolzy are discussing the school passing grade and Callien says, "...I fucked up." I don't see that phrase being said in this type of world that you are building.

I think this is very very good. I look forward to reading more.

Celine Zabel
Lives Shattered: One Mother's Loss at the Hands of the Legal System




scargirl wrote 404 days ago

i have a hard time following this premise... it doesn´t draw me in...
j

SRWENT wrote 425 days ago

Master meets pupil. Let the teacher be mystified by strength. Good pull and the flow was easy, Good build up. Good walk through, I could see the action and follow it. It makes you think of who this man was and how the boy will react.

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