Book Jacket

 

rank 921
word count 10607
date submitted 20.03.2012
date updated 22.01.2013
genres: Literary Fiction, Chick Lit, Romanc...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Unbound

Annette Russell

Ten years ago, Mara watched Selden drown. So why is he whispering in her ear now, on the eve of her wedding to Richard?

 

At sixteen, Selden is the boy Mara Fuller fears to love. When she watches him dive into a stormy summer sea in Hong Kong, never to resurface, she goes mad, driven insane with guilt, and a love she can never confess to.

Ten years later in London, Mara prepares to marry Richard, the man who patiently nursed her after her breakdown. The son of her mother's best friend, Mara has convinced herself that Richard is the right man for her - even though her flat-mates can't seem to get on with him.

But a chance meeting with an enigmatic artist at a post-symposium party somehow brings Selden's voice back to life. Mara does not want to revisit her painful past, and fights Selden's memory every step of the way.

Mara becomes increasingly concerned for her sanity, as Selden's voice gains strength, and she submits once again to his devilish charms. Can Selden's ghost unbind Mara from the tragedy that has held her fast? And what key does the mysterious stranger hold to Mara's past?

 
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tags

comic moments, emotional, first love, hong kong, page-turner, romance, tragedy, twists

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Chapters

1

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I glanced across the hall again. I couldn’t help myself; seeking him out was compulsive, had been from the moment he entered the room.

    He was still in deep conversation with Vickie Lange, the attractive PhD student who had just given a paper on Manipulative “weak” women in the works of Gaskell and Eliot. I had come this evening to hear her talk on this subject, but could only hope that my flat-mate, Jed, had listened. In the morning I would pick his brain and borrow his notes. My agenda for the evening had been abruptly changed by the appearance of the stranger I was stalking through the crowded room. Dare I draw nearer? Approach Vickie? Interrupt her tête-à-tête with the object of my obsession on the pretext of asking her — what? I hadn’t listened to a word she had said. I might ask the wrong thing, end up looking like a complete idiot!

    Casually sipping my wine, I sidled closer, a shifty crab on a spy mission. I strained to hear what was being said, felt a rush of guilt as my ears tuned in to his voice. Guilt, followed instantly by shock, short and sharp, like an electric charge. His voice was deeply pleasant. And strangely familiar. As if

    I forced myself to focus on his words. He was going to mail her an attachment of something or other — I wished I knew what — as soon as he got home. He pocketed Vickie’s business card. She lingered a moment, before turning to pursue her next conversation.

    His eyes scoured the room. I ducked to study the programme clutched in my hand. Symposium, I read, followed by, The Forces of Change: Rural England in the Nineteenth Century. And after that everything turned into a jumble of letters, their shapes growing blurred, as his jeans, his shoes, his jacket, tugged at the periphery of my vision. He was moving, coming closer, filling the space beyond my pale yellow programme. I stopped breathing and steeled myself to look up, right into his eyes. I knew they would be brown; I knew they were intense. Not in vain had I observed him all evening — I was prepared for a close encounter with intense, brown eyes. There was nothing to it.

    Oh hubris! Rural England fluttered to my feet and I stood electrified: up close his eyes were bitter chocolate. Darkest Arriba cocoa, my favourite kind. The casual “hello” I was about to utter extinguished in a puff of air.

    His pupils dilated, a ripple of mesmerising blackness. “I know what you’re thinking,” he said.

    “You — do?”

    “Oh, yes.” He leant in, and with an almost apologetic smile, whispered, “My tastes run darker than yours, though.”

In that split second, I knew what it felt like to be a deer caught in headlights, my limbs bursting to run, explode, vanish. Instead, I stood frozen in the unreality of the moment.

    “You mean — are we talking about — chocolate?” I stammered. “That is, your eyes, but . . . just a silly thought.”

    He looked amused. “You’re too cerebral.” He said this kindly, a gentle comment rather than a criticism.

    I took a step backwards.

    “You need to let loose a bit. Trust what you feel. And there’s no need to eavesdrop.” I caught a glint of mischief in his smile.

    “Oh!” I gasped. “I wasn’t! Right, I’ll — I’ll just —” I raised my empty wine glass as an excuse to retreat from the strangest and possibly most disturbing conversation I’d ever had.

    And hesitated. Was I waiting for a reaction to my impending departure? Permission to leave? His dark eyes were fixed on mine, and I couldn’t move. How was he holding me fast, reading my thoughts? And why was I allowing this to happen?

    “Write it,” he demanded, a note of urgency in his voice.

    “Write — what?” I asked, bewildered.

    “How you feel when you’re with me.”

    I stared at him, struck dumb by his audacity. He laughed softly, and then he was gone. Not in the sense that he had disappeared in a puff of smoke, though that probably wouldn’t have surprised me. In fact, such magical trickery would have been a welcome diversion at this point. No, he had merely slipped away into the crowded room, leaving a void so tangible, I felt bereft. Clutching my glass, I worked my way towards the buffet table. But my eyes strayed to seek him out — as they had done all evening — and aware as I was of his presence, I caught sight of him almost immediately. He was speaking to Professor Robertson. My heartbeat accelerated as he looked up. I glanced away, but my traitorous eyes returned to his, as though answering the pull of a magnet.

    “Mara!” Jed flung his arm around my waist, momentarily eclipsing my view. “Let’s scoot,” he whispered. “Quick! Before Old Robertson begins another monologue!”

    I glanced past him at Professor Robertson, who now stood alone, looking about for a new conversation partner. Jed swept me towards the buffet table, deposited my glass by the wine bottles, and pulled me out of the room.

    “Whew,” he breathed dramatically. “Narrow escape.”

In the state I was in, I wondered whether Jed was referring only to Professor Robertson, or if he somehow knew what I’d just been through.

    “Shall we eat out, or go home and cook?” he asked.

    “That depends,” I replied, zipping up my jacket as we stepped into the chill evening air. “Do you know who’s staying in tonight?” I suddenly didn’t fancy seeing our other flat-mates.

    “It’s Friday,” Jed reminded me. “Jacintha and Marc are going to the cinema and then they’re off clubbing, and Merridee said she was going home to her Mum’s for the weekend.”

    “We’ll cook,” I decided, hooking my arm through Jed’s as we turned down the high street, heading for the tube. I was grateful he was with me, grateful for the down-to-earth conversation about dinner.

    “What are we cooking, then?” he asked, a sly look on his face.

“Oh, I — don’t know. What have we got?” Jed usually cooked, at least for the both of us, which meant I didn’t even have a clue what was in the fridge. “Lasagne?” I added hopefully.

    “Not a chance. You’ll have to make do with grilled chicken wings and salad.”

    I gave him a broad smile. “I’ll happily settle for that!”

    “Good, ‘cause you have no choice. So, who was that you were staring at in there?”

    “Where?” I asked innocently.

    “You know very well where, wily vixen. At the faculty do. That bloke talking to Vickie. And Robertson.”

    “Oh.” My feeling of well-being vanished instantly. “I wasn’t staring at him, was I?”

    “Gaping,” Jed assured me. “Open-mouthed. All evening.”

    “What?” I stopped walking, turning to him in horror. Had it been that obvious to everyone?

    He grinned at me. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell on you. Richard won’t hear of your fatal attraction to another man from me.” He placed his hand over his heart. “I swear it! So it’s quite safe to spill the beans. Who was he?”

    “Good question,” I replied, following Jed onto the escalator.

    “You mean you don’t know? You were speaking to him at one point. Didn’t he introduce himself?”

    “No. That is — he never told me his name.”

    The escalator dipped into its downward journey. Jed stood travelling backwards on the step beneath me. It was hard to avoid his eyes, now level with mine.

    “So what did you talk about?” he asked, frowning.

    I frowned back. “Chocolate, I think.”

    “Chocolate?” His eyebrow arched as if to punctuate the question.

    I turned to study the flight of posters on the opposite wall, hoping to evade Jed’s curiosity. But I could feel his sharp look dissecting me. “What?” I asked, unnerved. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

    “Well, you look rather pale, and I’m wondering if you’re feeling okay.”

    “I’m fine. I just need to eat, so let’s get home.”

 

We had cooked and eaten, and were sitting at our kitchen table, silently sharing a bar of chocolate I’d bought from the college shop that morning. Finest Arriba Cocoa from Ecuador, I read and re-read on the wrapper. 70% Cocoa. Had he seen me enter the shop that morning? Watched me buy the chocolate bar?

    My tastes run darker than yours.

    “Sorry?” I said, suddenly aware that Jed had spoken.

    “I asked if you would like me to find out who he was.”

    “Who?”

    “Mystery man at the faculty do.” Jed sounded exasperated now. “You know, the one you couldn’t take your eyes off.”

    “Why do you suddenly bring him up again?”

    “Because you’ve barely spoken all night. You answer my questions — but you’re not here. My guess is,” he touched my forehead with his finger, “you’re locked in there with mystery man.”

    I sighed.

    “Alright,” Jed responded. “I’ll make some inquiries. I’m intrigued now too.”

    I shook my head. “No, don’t! Please! I’ll have forgotten him by Monday, I’m sure.”

    Jed raised an eyebrow, the look on his face both mocking and disbelieving.

    “Really, Jed. It’s just — our meeting was so odd, it disturbed me a bit. That’s all. I’ll forget about it soon enough.”

    “You said you only spoke briefly — of chocolate! Now why would that be disturbing?”

    I looked at the wrapper entwined around my fingers. Arriba Cocoa. There was no way I could share this experience, not even with Jed. “I don’t know,” I said lamely. “It’s hard to say.”

    “You’re doing an M.A. in Fiction Writing, and you can’t put a mere meeting into words? Really, Mara, you’re going to have to do better than that!”

    “I really don’t want to talk about it. Can’t you just let it go?”

    “No,” Jed replied, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Not after I’ve seen you like this!” And to my horror, he jumped up and struck a pose I knew was meant to ape mine at the faculty party, his eyes boggling, his mouth agape. Jed was an excellent mimic, but I wasn’t about to compliment him on it now.

    “You bastard!” I roared, leaping up from my seat. “You horrible, beastly —” I spluttered, realising words weren’t enough to convey my outrage. Grabbing a magazine Jacintha had left on the table, I rolled it up and charged at Jed, swiping at him with my makeshift weapon. He dodged my first attack, side-stepped the second, but the third landed squarely on his shoulder with a satisfying smack.

    “Ow! I surrender!” he yelled, laughing, his hands raised to signal defeat. But my anger was real, and I was too mortified to let him get off so lightly. I hit him twice more, once on the side of his head, and then on his arm, as he reached out in defence, grabbing hold of the magazine. With a cry, I relinquished my weapon and stormed off towards my room.

    Jed must have stood rooted in shock. Had he moved sooner, he would have caught up with me. As it was, I heard him follow me, felt him gaining on me, and ran the last few steps to my room, slamming the door quite literally in his face. I slid the bolt into place.

    “Mara! Open up!” Jed demanded, his voice angry. I didn’t reply, but — to my own astonishment — tasted tears on my lips. “Mara! Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit? I tease you all the time! I just wanted to — oh, damn!” In the hallway, the phone had started ringing. “That’s probably for you!” Jed called through the door.

    He retreated down the corridor, answered the phone with a curt, “Yes? Oh, hello, Richard.”

    I flung my door open. Jed was already on his way back to me with the phone, but I shook my head at him, mouthing the words, “Not now.”

    “Um — didn’t she tell you about the symposium?” Jed asked, frowning at me. “Someone’s giving a talk about Gaskell and Eliot, and — sorry, you’ll need to repeat that.” He grabbed hold of my wrist, preventing me from slipping back into my room. I couldn’t protest. Richard would have heard me. So I stood still, quietly waiting for Jed to end the phone call.

    “Well, yes, she’s probably had it switched off all evening,” he was saying now. “Alright, I’ll remind her.” Jed hung up, still frowning at me. But when he spoke, his voice was gentle. “I’ve just lied to your fiancé for you,” he said, handing me the phone.

    “I know,” I replied, looking away.

    “He’s been trying to reach you on your mobile all evening, wants to remind you that you’re viewing two houses tomorrow.”

    “Okay. Thanks.”

    “What’s wrong, Mara? Something is. Spit it out.”

    I was staring intently at the door to my room, wishing I could shut myself away for a few hours. Jed was right. Something was wrong, but it was beyond me to explain what that something might be. I didn’t even know where to begin explaining it all to myself, let alone another person, however good a friend they may be.

    Jed sighed and let go of my wrist. “I’m sorry. I —” He gave me a searching look. “I’ll go out for a while,” he finished. “Give you some space.”

    And before I could reply, he had flung on his jacket and left the flat.

 

I didn’t see Jed anymore that night. About five minutes after he left, I decided to go and look for him, not wanting to be alone with my thoughts after all, and feeling a bit guilty for the way I had treated him. Totally over the top! I needed to apologise. I needed his company. I threw on my jacket and walked down our street, peering into the bars and restaurants along the way. I entered his favourite Tex Mex at the end of the road, searching the tables for him, backing away with a shake of my head when the waitress came forward to seat me. Finally, I squeezed into our local pub, packed out the way it usually was on a Friday night. There was no sign of Jed. He tended to avoid our pub on weekends. He didn’t like it that crowded, hated having conversation partners shout whiffs of beer and crisps into his face, while they stood on his toes. And yet, I had hoped to see him there and left heavy-hearted. I decided to head for home. I could use my restless energy to tidy up a bit. Merridee liked the house clean, she’d be happy to come back to a tidy place.

    I had the Hoover out within seconds of arriving home and allowed its monotonous thrum to drown out my thoughts. I was thorough in the living room, stacking books and magazines into neat piles, fluffing up cushions and dusting any exposed surface I could find. All the while, I kept glancing at the front door, but it remained firmly shut. I collected a number of stray mugs onto a tray and went to tackle the kitchen, clearing away our abandoned dishes and scrubbing the sink till it shone. I glanced at the clock in the hallway, glared accusingly at the front door. It remained stubborn in its refusal to bring back Jed. I attacked the bathroom, polishing away rings of ossified soap that marked the levels to which we habitually filled the bath. Tired out at last, I ran myself a bath and indulged in the rare luxury of lying back for a soak, without having to feel the grime of past ablutions rub against my skin. I closed my eyes.

    And that was a mistake. The sudden cessation in physical activity left a quiet zone in which my thoughts came alive. The fog that sheathed my brain, cocooning me from the perils of my past, grew thin and tenuous. Nebulous memories unfurled. Long confined spectres stepped through the mist, beckoning for me to join them. I sat up with a cry, tearing the plug out of the bath and reaching for my towel in one fast-flowing motion. I dressed quickly, ran to the living room and flung myself onto the couch. Brandishing the remote control at the telly, I searched for oblivion. Advertisements. A game show. Another game show. Advertisements. A cooking programme. The Movie Channel, scrambled. Advertisements. A talent competition. Oh, good, MTV: perfect limbs pumping away to pulsing rhythms. That should be enough to exorcise the apparitions in my head.

    I gave up after twenty minutes. Turning off the telly, I went to bed, hoping to be distracted by a book. An old book. A trusted friend. I picked up Wives and Daughters, skipping forward to one of my favourite scenes. I was trying to read the opening paragraph for the third time, when I heard the front door open. My heart leaped with joy. Jed was back! It must be him. Late as it was, it was too early for Jacintha and Marc. I flung back the duvet and had half risen from bed, when I was suddenly overcome by doubt. Was it alright to accost him with an apology at this time of night? Morning, to be precise — I had glanced at my clock often enough to know it was past 2:00 a.m. Perhaps he was in no mood to have me fling myself in his path, battered and raw from the flood-tide of memories that had burst their banks. He paused in the hallway. For a moment I hoped he would knock on my door. But he passed my room, ascended the stairs to his bedroom. He stumbled half-way up the flight, cursed, fell heavily against the wooden steps, and I was glad I hadn’t popped out of my room to speak to him. He was drunk! I lay back in bed, pulling the duvet up to my chin. Above me the floorboards creaked as Jed moved around — his bedroom was right over mine — and then there was silence.

    Feeling even more lonely than I had done before his return, I switched off my light and lay quietly hugging my book. I tried to focus my thoughts on Jed, on what I would say to him in the morning. The apology I was concocting sounded trite, and I had to admit to myself that I was annoyed with him for being drunk, annoyed I couldn’t speak to him at once.

    Eventually I drifted off to sleep. And my worst fears came true: I dreamed of Selden.

Chapters

1

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rikasworld wrote 121 days ago

I can't crit. this, I think it is excellent. I love your writing style, effortlessly creating the flat share scene, the school scene and I love the neat little phrases, 'the shifty crab on a spy mission' and 'For someone who didn't have a malicious bone in her body she could do a lot of damage'.
I think your main strength is creating the chemistry between the characters (I'm trying to write something like this myself at the moment and I'm struggling, so I really admire the way you have done it). I could just feel Sol's magnetic attractiveness to Mara and their dialogue was very clever. I liked the chocolate motif, though it's unlikely to be what he meant by darker. You do it again in a slightly different way when introducing Selden.
Plot sounds interesting and I would definitely buy this to read in comfort, on the strength of having read the first chapters.
High stars and staying on my watchlist.

Sara Stinson wrote 261 days ago

Hi Annette,

I had to laugh when Marc slipped in the tub. With everything going on in the apartment with Mara, this was really the last thing she needed. This part made the characters come to life even more! (Hairballs) Love it! The scene in the apartment was wonderful. I loved the pace and chaos. Poor Richard. He is trying so hard. I love Mara, too. Oh wow, I am claustrophobic too!... What a writer you are! I have no problem with your dialogue. Love the end of chapter 5! Next... Chapter six--- You captivate the reader with the inner and outer voice. Mara never has a dull moment that's for sure. :) Annette, even Selden knows when a bore is a bore! The appearance of the woman Mara has to put up with for the night is enough to make you want to run. Aw, poor Richard. He may have just been banned from The High table. ...oh well....Oh pooh. Decisions because you feel guilty is never a good thing. Chapter 7 -- Oh, You have done a good job with this mom! Going to Chapter 8! Aw, how many times have I caught teenagers writing notes..Annette, I am so involved. Have not found any errors...I think. (Nope, not one.) Somebody is talking to me. (No I'm not.) Okay, be quiet. I am reading. Chapter Nine -- I like chocolate. ---I adore how you flow from one subject to the next with such ease. Okay, I am making myself stop here. I will return to complete, soon.

You are by far one of the most top- talented writers I have found on here. The publishers should be fighting for you. It is awesome! This is a different type of romance story. All ages will adore your characters. Your book will appeal to all. The characters spring to life. I have laughed and wanted to shake one or two. You receive six sprinkle of stars for this well crafted piece of work! Well Done!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

Tod Schneider wrote 299 days ago

You've really mastered this genre, from what I can see! If someone drops by looking for some classic romance your book will suck them right down the rabbit hole! You deliver the goods right from the start, with no space wasted. Your actions and descriptions are well crafted, and both inner and outer dialog flow smoothly. Best of luck with this!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Elizabeth Buhmann wrote 375 days ago

Annette, this is a terrific book! I love it, and I can't stop reading it. I love Mara, and I am torn because I like Richard and yet I can feel that she is struggling to go ahead with the marriage. I am desperately curious about her past, and you've managed to make Selden as fascinating to me as he is to Mara. Kudos, six stars, will back soon!!!

Elizabeth (The Made-Up Man)

TDonna wrote 423 days ago

Annette, what a fantastic story! Splendid! Beautifully written, superb descriptions, great start, emotionally powerful, memorable characters, right pace, smooth writing, impeccable. Your author voice is immediately apparent. I don't want to be a spoiler, so I won't comment on the intriguing plot :) except to say that I loved it!
T. Donna Robison
(No Kiss Good-bye)

robert j harrison wrote 65 days ago

Hi Annette
Have now read chapter 3: sophisticated dialogue and great ease to the writing but possibly too stretched; as the kitchen fills with characters every single detail of breakfast is investigated. But, nonetheless, excellent pace and humour - as frothy as the cappuccino: 'I reveal mystery man's identity, and you ask prosaic questions.' 'Come in formal attire, we've got company.' etc . And you have a well-ranging and interesting lexicon, helping to create, as I've said, good rhythm and pace. You remain on my watchlist: I'd really like to read on. Are you putting more up?
Best wishes for now, Robert

robert j harrison wrote 110 days ago

Hi Annette
So far, I've read the first couple of chapters. Just excellent rhythm and pace and very convincing dialogue - as someone else has said, you create good chemistry between your characters. Though I found the beginning slightly unconvincing: why Mara was so like a rabbit in headlights over this man? It will doubtless be explained but some background needed, right from the start, I feel, without obviously upsetting the dynamic. But on my watchlist. Good luck
Robert

Su Dan wrote 113 days ago

your narrative style flows well and is honest- a charming tool that works...
backed...
SEASONS...

L_MC wrote 116 days ago

Annette, I don't know how I missed this before. It's just my sort of thing.

I read the three chapters currently uploaded and would have read on, were more available.

Mara's attraction to Sol is strong and enigmatic. Richard feels like a wet blanket in comparison to him but also to Mara's flatmates. I liked the chaos of the house and the relationships between the flat mates. I want to read-on to see what brought Mara and Richard together and how there will be conflict in her choice between the two men. Sol and Selden's names are very close. The nightmare doesn't reveal whether Selden's body was found so I also want to read on to find out more about that.

The narrative has enough description to fill in details but it isn't overdone or flowery. There are some lines that stuck with me - the spy crab for one - and some that had me laughing out loud - Marc in the bath.

An enjoyable, easy-to-read opening.

Software wrote 117 days ago

This ménage à trois like story is full of both human passion and frailties. It constantly borders on the tragic but Annette has been smart enough to avoid a total downer by adding some humour here and there. This is good because few lives are fully consumed in either tragedy or humour. They always tend to be a mix of the two with huge dollops of love and hate thrown into the mix. Unbound is very real in that respect. It has been well crafted to produce a flowing narrative, sparky character development and arresting scene descriptions. Highly starred and WL'ed. Will end up on my bookshelf.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

rikasworld wrote 121 days ago

I can't crit. this, I think it is excellent. I love your writing style, effortlessly creating the flat share scene, the school scene and I love the neat little phrases, 'the shifty crab on a spy mission' and 'For someone who didn't have a malicious bone in her body she could do a lot of damage'.
I think your main strength is creating the chemistry between the characters (I'm trying to write something like this myself at the moment and I'm struggling, so I really admire the way you have done it). I could just feel Sol's magnetic attractiveness to Mara and their dialogue was very clever. I liked the chocolate motif, though it's unlikely to be what he meant by darker. You do it again in a slightly different way when introducing Selden.
Plot sounds interesting and I would definitely buy this to read in comfort, on the strength of having read the first chapters.
High stars and staying on my watchlist.

Abby Vandiver wrote 229 days ago

This is written well and flows even better. I love the dialogue between her and Jed in the first chapter, it is delightful. I smiled through the entire chapter. But ending on a cliffhanger was confusing since I didn't know who Selden was (it was in the pitch but I had forgotten). I didn't get a lot of depth from the characters, didn't feel like I knew Mara, just knew what she was feeling. Nonetheless, the book was very enjoyable.

Great job. Many stars.

Abby

Emma.L.H. wrote 238 days ago

Hello, Annette, finally got round to dropping you a comment. I must say, I was intrigued with your pitch. You have a fresh and interesting idea for a book here. First off, good opening to your first chapter. It sets the scene very well; we are instantly intrigued as to who this mystery man is.

You have some cracking one-liners here. I particularly liked, 'A shifty crab on a spy mission'. You have a really nice way with words. Great descriptions, too. I think your strong point is with dialogue. The speech is flawless; there wasn't a single instance where it felt forced or untrue. Great MC, too. Mara is well fleshed out and believable.

I don't really know what else to say. I didn't notice any typos, etc; it's very polished. Will definitely be back to read more of this when time permits.

Highly starred and I wish you all the best with this. Well done!

David Price wrote 243 days ago

Annette, I've now read the first three chapters. This is such a treat - extremely well-constructed, engaging and entertaining - with quite a delicious sense of humour underscoring Mara's dilemmas. In fact, it's such accomplished writing, I'm struggling to find anything constructive to suggest, but I did notice two things in chapter 3 you may want to consider. Espresso is a style of making coffee, not a brand, so it doesn't need a capital 'E'. And I think I'm right in saying that 'week end' and 'week ends' are usually written as one word. Very high stars for now, and I look forward to getting to know Mara et al even better!
David
MASTER ACT: a memoir

Lenny Banks wrote 253 days ago

Hi Annette, I read chapter 5. I found it easy to read, easy to follow and the characters are very well crafted. The story itself intrigues me, I love your pitch. I am not sure I have seen anything like this before and I think it will be very popular. You have a great skill writing and the dialogue was brilliant. I noted a nit-pik, I hope you don't mind: '...Diet or no, you've managed to skip breakfast...' (I lost it and found it again, luckily) I think it should be '...not...' This is very good and is likely to be highly rated very quickly.

Kindest Regards and best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock.

gingerknucklehairs wrote 258 days ago

Hello again Annette.
Chocolate, coffee, let's eat, more chocolate, coffee, tart. This woman is obsessed with food and caffeine.
The thought of being bought a house without any of the hassle involved is a dream. The thought of it being in close proximity to my own mother and my inlaws, Ahhhh I'd run a mile and be extremely pissed off.
Mara seems quite a disturbed person. We get them impression that something truly terrible has happened in the past. It has something to do with Selden, but what could be that bad. All the memories she has, so far, seem quite delightful.
Later Selden is there all the time, interupting her concentration, to the point that his imaginary voice
overrides real voices.
I didn't read all you uploaded. Only because there was so much of it. I'd take so long to get back to you. I will keep it on my watchlist and catch up with it another time.
It's well written and edited. I spotted no typos.
Highly starred and good luck.
Jesamine.'Northampton, Lime and Time Alone.'

I did not read the pitch for this book. I don't like to know in advance. I have looked at it since writing my review and I'm glad I hadn't read it. I'm glad I didn't know that Selden had drown. The same as Richard doesn't know.

Sara Stinson wrote 261 days ago

Hi Annette,

I had to laugh when Marc slipped in the tub. With everything going on in the apartment with Mara, this was really the last thing she needed. This part made the characters come to life even more! (Hairballs) Love it! The scene in the apartment was wonderful. I loved the pace and chaos. Poor Richard. He is trying so hard. I love Mara, too. Oh wow, I am claustrophobic too!... What a writer you are! I have no problem with your dialogue. Love the end of chapter 5! Next... Chapter six--- You captivate the reader with the inner and outer voice. Mara never has a dull moment that's for sure. :) Annette, even Selden knows when a bore is a bore! The appearance of the woman Mara has to put up with for the night is enough to make you want to run. Aw, poor Richard. He may have just been banned from The High table. ...oh well....Oh pooh. Decisions because you feel guilty is never a good thing. Chapter 7 -- Oh, You have done a good job with this mom! Going to Chapter 8! Aw, how many times have I caught teenagers writing notes..Annette, I am so involved. Have not found any errors...I think. (Nope, not one.) Somebody is talking to me. (No I'm not.) Okay, be quiet. I am reading. Chapter Nine -- I like chocolate. ---I adore how you flow from one subject to the next with such ease. Okay, I am making myself stop here. I will return to complete, soon.

You are by far one of the most top- talented writers I have found on here. The publishers should be fighting for you. It is awesome! This is a different type of romance story. All ages will adore your characters. Your book will appeal to all. The characters spring to life. I have laughed and wanted to shake one or two. You receive six sprinkle of stars for this well crafted piece of work! Well Done!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

D.J.Milne wrote 284 days ago

Hi Anette
I have read through to chapter three of Unbound and must say that your prose run easily across the eye and I really enjoyed your turns of phrase such as ‘A shifty crab on a spy mission’
You are developing a multi-layer story here with a depth of characters that is well thought out and interesting. Your descriptions of Flat share life are realistic and the dialogue in Chp. 3 is particularly well crafted. Jed the supportive friend trying to steer your MC as she makes decisions about life with Richard is very well written.
I can find little here to fault and would agree with one other commentator that this could also work well as a Y/A book.
High stars and will keep you on my watch list.
D.J
The Ghost Shirt

benedict wrote 285 days ago

Hi there Annette,

this is to say thank you for reading my book.

I read the first two chapters, sorry I don't have time for any more right now. I liked the contrast between them and the gothic touches of the first chapter giving way to the lighter, youthful touches of the second. You write very well, your dialogue is particularly convincing and I really could picture each character and situation, though you paint with very economical touches.

I read both chapters without having read your pitch. As a result I found your character's extreme behaviour in the first chapter rather hard to fathom and wondered if perhaps you should include some reference to her previously weak mental state which would help to explain her actions. I also found it interesting that you threw us in the deep end, having her already stalking her mystery man rather than starting at the moment she first sees him. I thought this was brave and I liked the immediacy but I also questioned if it would leave the reader desiring more clarity and perhaps make them wonder if you're central character is not a little bit mad! :-)

Overall though there are very few real problems here. Your writing is very consistent and well thought out and you never dwell too long over an issue with the pacing zipping along nicely.

I came across some minor things which I hope will help - though feel free to ignore any you disagree with!

I had come THAT evening to hear her talk
-past tense so it as to be that not this

a shifty crab on a spy mission
-nice

“I know what you’re thinking,”
-how does he know? this was a bit too Twilight for me, I didn't like that he seemed so supernatural. Unless this is a theme of the book that emerges later, it felt rather too unrealistic considering the tone of the rest of what I've read.

“You’re doing an M.A. in Fiction Writing
-too much telling, would be more natural to say an M.A. in writing

you can’t put a mere meeting into words
-repetition of meeting is odd sounding and sounds more like a business meeting here. Better to say a simple/mere encounter, maybe?


But my anger was real, and I was too mortified to let him get off so lightly
-rather an over reaction? Surely she’d be used to her flatmate’s humour

however good a friend HE WAS.
-the neutrality isn’t necessary

Her flatmates have horrid names :-)

skipping forward to one of my favourite scenes.
-is it correct to talk about scenes in books? More part or section? Scene would suggest something visual and physical as in a play or movie

Was it RIGHT to accost him with an apology at this time of night?
-I’d say

For a moment I hoped he would knock on my door. But he passed my room AND ascended the stairs to his bedroom

At the beginning of the second chapter I assumed it was taking place at her uni, perhaps you could do something to make it clearer that we’ve gone back in time to her school days

Sans-Espoir
-ha ha, funny

In the MEANTIME
-more typical

Your mc watches a lot from the corner of her eyes

Provberbial jungle cat
-I’m not sure you can say this as there is no well known proverb about a jungle cat, you say yourself it’s a metaphor that someone used

She gives an incredibly detailed answer – with far more information than the reader needs -to the question of which part of England she’s from. I know you want her to seem nervous but I think it’s a little overboard

Now, before I BOARDED his yacht
-I’d say

I thought I had learned to drown that one out
-unintentional pun? Sounds rather insensitive and potentially funny.

I rushed to the kitchen, WHICH WAS CLEAN…
-otherwise you’re referring to the I of the narrator.

A really intriguing plot which is well handled by a highly competent storyteller. I will star this accordingly and wish you all the best of luck. Maybe once I get to the desk and no longer have to spend all my time returning reads, I will be able to come back and enjoy more!

Best of luck,

Benedict

JMF wrote 288 days ago

This is my second attempt to leave a comment as my first disappeared! I'm here for our reading swap.
Really liked your pitch, by the way. It was from reading that I was attracted to your book. Yours is just the kind of book I would pick up in a shop and I really enjoyed reading the first chapters. I thought your characters were real and believable and I like the Seldon/Sol character and the intrigue they bring, matched with the mc's doubts about her impending marriage to Richard. I also loved the way you interweave her past story with the present. I think you handle the pace well - there is enough intrigue at the start to carry the reader through and I would be happy to read on.
I shall return when I have more time. In the meantime I shall place on my WL and star highly.
Great stuff.
All the best
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Tod Schneider wrote 299 days ago

You've really mastered this genre, from what I can see! If someone drops by looking for some classic romance your book will suck them right down the rabbit hole! You deliver the goods right from the start, with no space wasted. Your actions and descriptions are well crafted, and both inner and outer dialog flow smoothly. Best of luck with this!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Lucy Middlemass wrote 305 days ago

Unbound

First of all, that’s a smart front cover. There’s the normality of the cityscape with a touch of supernatural from the moon. Both your pitches are good - I especially like the short one and they’re hard to get right.

Ch 1
“a shifty crab on a spy mission.” This is unusual - I like it.
“leaving a void so tangible..” Can a void ever be tangible?
“tasted tears on my lips” I like this too. Crying is difficult to describe in a fresh way and I think you’ve managed it.
“he had flung on his jacket” and “I threw on my jacket” are quite similar. I think one of them ought to be changed to something simpler, like “I put on my jacket” or better, taken out altogether.
“It remained stubborn in its refusal to bring back Jed.” Very nice.

Ch 2
I like how you have moved into the past without explicitly saying so, and yet it’s still easy to follow.
The dialogue in this chapter is good - and Elizabeth’s personality comes across well. Seldon is frustratingly silent, but I guess that’s deliberate.
I like that one of the students tries to impress their French teacher with the news that she’s been speaking…Spanish.

Ch 3
Jed makes the link between the suffocation dreams and the feeling of suffocation Mara gets from the idea of a perfect life with Richard, which is clever.
“kept a couple of vases in a shelf” Maybe “on a shelf”?
The references to the food and coffee in this chapter are possibly a bit too frequent.
I really dislike Richard! I entirely don’t want Mara to marry him.

Possible Spoiler Alert
At this point, I think Seldon Durante and Sol Daunter might be the same person, especially because their relatively unusual names are anagrams of each other. Mara’s attraction to Sol (if this is the case) is interesting because it consumes her so much when she sees him although she obviously doesn’t know who he is.

There’s lots to enjoy here and although the pace slows down a bit over the breakfast table, the mystery surrounding Sol and Seldon and Mara’s doubts over her impending marriage to Richard keep it interesting and engaging. Highly starred.

Lucy

Cara Gold wrote 325 days ago

{Unbound} – Annette Russell

I’ve only read the first chapter so far but will come back again soon!
Loved the premise, and a great opening to set the mood and foundation of the story. I like the sensual scene as Mara gazes into those eyes up close like ‘bitter chocolate… Darkest Arriba cocoa’. In fact, I loved this so much I would even shift this moment and place it right at the very beginning, just a thought? Grab immediate attention more?

The first person works well positioning the reader inside Mara’s head, and it’s great seeing the world from her eyes. I also liked the dialogue with Jed – this is well handled and I can imagine the scene perfectly.
Playful in moments, but balanced by her deeper emotions; I liked the final section and when she is in the bath ‘lying back for a soak, without having to feel the grime of past ablutions rub against my skin.’ The tranquil moment is then pierced; you do a good job of making the tension ebb and flow throughout the piece.

A small note in the pitch… I wasn’t sure about ‘follows Mara Fuller as she tries to want to marry Richard’ perhaps as she ‘forces herself to desire marriage with Richard,’… Hmm… it just felt a little wordy to me and I had to reread it to make sense of what you were meaning.

Apart from that – nice polished writing and if this continues, with the promise of your pitch, I’m sure this will unfold nicely! I also loved the image; ‘a shifty crab on a spy mission’

High stars for now and on my watch list to read some more :) Have a fabulous day and thanks so much for your support of ‘Dawn of Destruction’

Cara

Mumsie 1 wrote 362 days ago

Annette;
I read the first three chapters and only stopped because it's late and i have to work in the morning.
I enjoyed your writing style and was instantly intrigued by the mysterious stranger at the reception.
You set your scenes very well and I felt like I was an observer in Mara's kitchen (Kind of like the fly on the wall) in the morning. I think you have the talent to make your readers feel the emotions your characters are experimenting...For example Jed's confusion and concern when Mara overreacted after the event.
I give this a high rating and keep it on my WL until I can get back to it.
Best of luck to you;
Elke
'Ella In Between'

Isoje David wrote 368 days ago

I have rated your lovely book seven stars.

Isoje David

Animals in Paradise

Lacydeane wrote 375 days ago

You have an easy to read and interesting story. You present your characters well and the dialogue between them is perfect. I liked your tone and your voice. You have great word choice and sentence structure. Your writing was clean and smooth. Great job. 6 stars. Lacy

Elizabeth Buhmann wrote 375 days ago

Annette, this is a terrific book! I love it, and I can't stop reading it. I love Mara, and I am torn because I like Richard and yet I can feel that she is struggling to go ahead with the marriage. I am desperately curious about her past, and you've managed to make Selden as fascinating to me as he is to Mara. Kudos, six stars, will back soon!!!

Elizabeth (The Made-Up Man)

Paul Beattie wrote 381 days ago

Not the type of book I’d normally read, Annette but I have to say I really enjoyed your opening chapters.

The writing feels very polished with almost no typos/formatting problems/grammar slips ups to interrupt the flow. The prose feels energetic and characterful and there are some wonderfully original, often very funny turns of phrase/descriptive passages. I do think, however, especially for a modern, first person narrative, it feels ever so slightly overwritten in places and would benefit both from paring back some of the more elaborate descriptive flourishes and using more conversational, almost chatty vocab/phrasing, but that’s just my personal preference.

Clear and purposeful dialogue. Mara comes across as an extremely likeable, complex, appealingly flawed main character, someone the reader can quickly empathise with and root for.

The chapters themselves seem very well structured with a good blend of action, dialogue and character introspection and cleverly underplayed plot hooks to encourage the reader to read on. The plot as a whole feels well thought out and original and, with its mix of mystery, romance, drama, pathos etc – coupled with the nicely judged moments of restrained comedy – should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers.

In short, a very stylish, unusual, thought provoking piece of romantic fiction. Highly starred and kept on my watchlist so I can read on.

Thanks and best of luck. P


I made some notes on the opening chapter as I went along. Feel free to ignore!!

‘a shifty crab on a spy mission’ – terrifically vivid, gently comic image.

‘Guilt, followed instantly by shock…etc’ – following on from the previous sentence, this doesn’t seem to scan??

‘As if – ‘ – maybe use dots instead of dash as Mara’s thought trails off as opposed to being interrupted??

‘turning to pursue her next conversation’ – not sure what this means?? Is she talking to someone else or is she walking away, looking for someone else to talk to??

The prose feels a bit ‘light’ on commas?? eg ‘And [comma] after that [comma] everything turned…’ ‘I added [comma] hopefully’ ‘Above me [comma] the floorboards creaked…’ ‘Eventually [comma] I drifted off…’ etc. An easy fix, tho.

‘There was nothing to it’ – not sure I understand this?? Is Mara saying the meeting with the man will be ‘easy’ or that fate has dictated they should meet and she can do nothing to stop it??

‘Oh hubris!’ – hard to imagine she’d think in these terms?? Maybe make it slightly more natural/conversational?? eg ‘Serves you right for being so cocky!’ or something similar??

‘a ripple of mesmerising blackness’ – love this image.

I like the idea of the ‘deer caught in the headlights’ analogy but it does feel slightly clichéd??

‘You mean – are we talking about…etc’ – terrific dialogue. Real and vivid and says so much about Mara’s character.

‘my impending departure’ – again, this feels far too formal/considered for an internal monologue?? maybe make more conversational/instinctive??

Don’t really see how Jed putting his arm round Mara’s waist ‘eclipses her view’?? Maybe rephrase??

‘her mum’s’ not ‘her Mum’s’

‘a sly look on his face’ – why ‘sly’??

‘at least for the both of us’ – don’t understand this??

‘My tastes run darker than yours’ – really effective. Both seductive and sinister. Clever stuff.

‘relinquished my weapon’ – again, rather stiff/overwritten, particularly for a first person narrative?? why not simply ‘dropped the magazine’ or something similar??

‘I’m sorry. I [dots not dash]’

Much of the phrasing feels rather dramatic, almost melodramatic (leaping up from seats, flinging doors shut, throwing on jackets etc). I think the scenes would have more emotional punch if you toned down the writing slightly, trusted the reader to draw their own conclusions etc. The scenes are very vivid and involving but, occasionally, the writing feels a little overwrought and ends up distancing me from the narrative. Perhaps simplify the language and pare back the prose so the scenes have a starker, more filmic feel and Mora’s ‘voice’ comes across as more natural, less self-conscious etc?? Just a thought.

jtrobison wrote 386 days ago

Donna's told me how much she enjoyed reading your book and I can see why. Great job!
Jim

Wanttobeawriter wrote 392 days ago

UNBOUND
This is an intriguing story. All of us have spotted an interesting stranger across a boring reception like happens to Mara – but we don’t move to do anything about it. So I was really drawn into this wondering what it would lead to when Mara has the opportunity to pursue this stranger further. I particularly like your writing style. You know how to “set a scene” with just a few words; let your reader know what is happening; no fear you’re going to bog down the story. I’m starring this highly and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Adeel wrote 395 days ago

A nice, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

femmefranglaise wrote 408 days ago

Hi Annette, I read Unbound a couple of weeks ago but for some reason I didn't post my comments, so here they are.

I really enjoyed reading it. It is well written with some lovely descriptive phrases. I was a bit confused about where Jed fits into the story as he isn't mentioned in the pitch at all but that said, I enjoyed his relationship with Mara.

It's an intriguing plot and I'll definitely be back to read on.

Highly starred.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Chipper10 wrote 409 days ago

You write very well in first person. Your words and descriptions match the characters perfectly. It won't be long before your book is on the Editor's Chart.

Blessings,
Chipper Newman

Lcamp wrote 413 days ago

Hello Annette,
I came across your book on another author's shelf and it caught my interest. I have read the first two chapters and will read on. I am one who ususally reads a whole book because I can't stand to leave a story unread. So I don't stop at one or two chapters, comment and then move on. I just had a couple of things I wanted to comment on now, while it was fresh in my memory.
First, I like your style of writing and how your narritive flows. You master the art of description well. I was able to easily form the pictures in my mind of the scenes you were setting up to bring us through the story. I could not find a flaw in your grammer, you are obviously well educated in writing with proper grammer. (Not that I am an expert by any means).
Second, I have a few critiques that I hope are helpful: In the first chapter, second to the last paragraph the sentence - "Feeling even more lonely than I had (done) before his return.." Should 'done' be "been" ?
In the second chapter - "That's why we were in New Zealand and now we're here" I found my self saying "Where is here?" . I had to re-read back through the chapter to finally realize that here meant Hong Kong? You say "Welcome to Wordsworth International School" , but not where it was located at. I guess I passed over the short quip she threw at Seldon saying "tell us how you're enjoying Hong Kong." It didn't register that she was telling us that was where this was taking place. It is probably just my perference, but I would have like to of known where they were before they started their dialogue about all the different places they had been before they landed there.
Hope that was helpful - now I need to get back to the story!
Good luck and may God bless the sucess of your book,
Lynn

Warrick Mayes wrote 414 days ago

Annette,

I have just enjoyed the first chapter of Unbound.
I really got wrapped up in this. I shared the feeling of confusion that Mara had over the unusual stranger, felt the frustration when Jed would not leave her to deal with her thoughts and the also shared her inability to relax and put the stranger out of her head.
You told us as much as Mara knew, leaving us with exactly the same issues as she.
You write really well and have some excellent dialogue and description to back up your narrative.

Best wishes
Warrick

KirkH wrote 414 days ago

Hi Annette,
Finally got a moment to read three chapters of "Unbound". I wish I could read more, but Editor's Dsk stress is getting to me.
I like this story, first of all. The setting of how Mara meets the stranger was great. The writing is incredible. I think the best part you wrote in chapter one was, "The sudden sensation in physical activity left a quiet zone in which my thoughts came alive. The fog that sheathed my brain, cocooning me from the perils of my past, grew thin and tenuous. Nebulous memories unfurled. Long confined spectres stepped through the mist, beckoning me to join them..." WOW!
Chapter two was a great intro into Mara's past on how she met Selden. Well done here.
I like the flat mate relationship between Mara and Jed in chapter three. It works out very well. It seems much more interesting than any relationship Mara might have with her fiancé, Richard, but I only read the first three chapters so far.
I like that expression, "Oh sod the toast" :-)
I like the whole room mate situation as well. It's funnier than the old TV show "Three's Company". Lots of interesting events and characters - it's almost like a stage play - right when you want to know more about the mystery man, suddenly comes an interruption, then another, and another. It's great.
I'll definately back it on Monday - after this Desk stress is over with.
All the best
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

Old Rope wrote 415 days ago

Wonderful cover, taughtly written and an intriguing premise. I'll read more over the next few days and hopefully get back to you.

Marisa Elyse wrote 417 days ago

When I first dived into this I sort skimmed along the first few paragraphs, but there was something there that pulled me in and made me read word for word. Let me just say that I enjoyed the male characters more than anyone else, even though your MC was brillant. There was something so mystifying reading about how Mara met Selden, and so heartbreaking to know what will befall him.

Backed, and I look forward to seeing this grow.

Cheers,
Marisa
Tower of Paradise

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 422 days ago

Dear Annette

I have just read the first three chapters of "Unbound". What a beautifully crafted story you have written. Every word has its place, there is meaning in every sentence, all forming part of a beautifully flowing narrative. There is no awkwardness here, only precisely observed scenes, well judged characters, effortless dialogue. It all adds up into craftsmanship that I am very happy to read.

Your plot is ambitious, but there is no sign of confusion in your writing. At first, I felt this could fit comfortably into YA as well as ordinary chic lit, but now, considering, I think the appeal is fairly universal. Your confidence is unusual and very welcome.

I thought you might like to paragraph your long pitch, to make it slightly easier to read. Also, your cover does not come across well, on an image the size of a postage stamp. You might want to reconsider the pic you choose for Authonomy.

That is all I can crit. Thank you. Six stars from me and WL for now.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

TDonna wrote 423 days ago

Annette, what a fantastic story! Splendid! Beautifully written, superb descriptions, great start, emotionally powerful, memorable characters, right pace, smooth writing, impeccable. Your author voice is immediately apparent. I don't want to be a spoiler, so I won't comment on the intriguing plot :) except to say that I loved it!
T. Donna Robison
(No Kiss Good-bye)

strachan gordon wrote 424 days ago

An interesting start , it is nice to read about a real invidual rather than disappearing into some charmless fantasy - there is so much of it aabout at the moment . Watchlisted and starred.Would you have the time to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' , which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon.

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