Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 41521
date submitted 21.03.2012
date updated 30.09.2012
genres: Fantasy, Children's, Young Adult, C...
classification: universal
incomplete

The Princess and the Peach

Benedict Brown

A prince, a foundling, trolls, dragons, singing gnomes, a fashion-forward king, bloodsucking pussycats, plenty of princesses and a peach.

 

A nameless orphan is bought from her cruel owners by a band of thieves led by the charismatic ex-pirate, The Great Bartholomew. The gang warm to the young girl as one of their own and to give her a start in the world they teach her how to behave like an aristocrat, talk like a lady and fight for her life.

In the royal palace, Prince Paul wants nothing more than to be a typical teenager. His vain father and demonic mother demand that he marry a pure-blooded princess who will pass the age-old family test and feel a pea beneath seventeen mattresses but Paul is tired of seeing the lines of pretty princesses turned away. He just wants a girl to hold his hand.

To save the kingdom from a very spoilt princess, the two will have to join forces, take a trip to Hell and avoid getting eaten by bloodthirsty monsters and some hideously cute singing gnomes. A unique adventure full of comedy and romance, “The Princess and the Peach” is an untraditional fairytale with a modern attitude that will keep you reading to the bitter, happy end.

 
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adventure, battles, comedy, dragons, dwarves, fairytale, fighting, magic, monsters, prince, princess, romance, trolls

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The Princess and the Peach

By Benedict Brown

 

Complete at 75,000 words

 

 

Chapter One

 

The Foundling

 

I never knew my parents. I can’t even tell you where I was born. When I was just a baby, trolls kidnapped me and sold me to a poor, childless couple who needed a slave. I grew up, as most girls do these days, chained to a table having to work for the crumbs of food my loving owners threw at me. They liked to poke me with sticks and tell me what a lucky girl I was.

“We cudda left yuh to die like a little runt,” the wife always told me, “but not us.”

“That’s right,” her husband would reply.

“No, not us. We tooks care o’ yuh.”

“That’s right.”

“We gives yuh food and a lov-er-lee home.”

“That’s right.”

“Now get back in yuh cage!”

I hated them with a well-concealed passion.

Occasionally the old slave drivers let me out of the house to carry pigs to market or cut wood but they never unchained me. I grew up like a dog. In fact, for a while we had a dog and it ate better than I did. Still, life could have been worse. One day they ate the dog and they never took a bite out of me.

As a special treat, when I was twelve years old, they cut off my hair, dressed me in boys’ clothing and put me up for sale. I woke one morning to the sound of someone knocking on our door.

The old man jumped out of bed with a great big grin across his face.

“That’s right,” he said.

He opened the door and there, blocking out the light, was a man taller and wider than anyone I’d ever seen. As I lived in an enchanted forest filled with strange creatures like land squids, manticores and boggarts, at first I couldn’t be sure that he was even human. He was colossal and near covered in thick black hair, a real living freak of nature.

A hole opened up in the middle of all that hair and the big man spoke.

“I ‘ear ya got a boy fer sale,” he said. His voice was as deep as a canyon.

“That’s right...” The old man’s confidence suddenly disappeared as he took in the monster at our door.

“Wudya take a sheep fer ‘im?” the stranger asked. He pulled on the rope in his enormous hands to reveal a fluffy, white sheep who bahhhed in response.

“That’s right!” The massive smile returned to the old man’s hideous, shrunken face which I would never have to set eyes on again. He pulled the sheep into the house and pushed me out the door.

Unshackled and able to walk around as I pleased for the first time in my life, the strangest sensation of freedom and fear crept through me.

“Sorry ‘bout this,” the huge, frightening man said a moment later.

Before I knew what was happening he’d pulled a dingy sackcloth bag over my head. My moment of freedom had passed.

He took me by the hand and tugged me along behind him. We walked the whole day without saying a word. All I could see through the bag was the light of the sun breaking through the trees as we went deeper and deeper into the woods. My mind ran with terrible thoughts. I kept wondering if this giant was planning to eat me or if he just wanted me as his slave. It was the one time in my life I ever wished I was back, chained up, in my cage.

Finally we stopped and that beast-man took the bag off my head. We had arrived at a camp hidden somewhere well within the forest.

“The boss’ll wanna see ya’,” he said and motioned for me to follow him.

The camp sprawled across the forest clearing like a small, portable village. Long banners with different crests and animals upon them hung from the trees. There were several wooden caravans painted in carnival colours and, dotted amongst them, I could see twenty or so tents and a number of smouldering fires. As we arrived, the inhabitants emerged from their homes to get a look at the new acquisition. At first only the men came out to see me but soon women and children appeared.

For the second time in my life I’d been sold and I was worth exactly one sheep. I was much luckier than before. My new owners were a band of thieves, cutthroats and blackguards. They stood and stared at me and I felt like a piece of meat hanging in a butcher’s storehouse. I was shaking with fear but tried my best not to show it. Their unmistakable leader approached me. He inspected me just like everyone else.

“What is your name, boy?” he asked.

After everything I had already lived through, I decided right there that it was time I stood up for myself, no matter how scared I might be.

“Why d’you need a name for your slave?” I asked back, staring him straight in the eye.

The men looked so hideous at first. They were harsh and coarse, with dirty clothes and scars. They smelt of alcohol and laughed like hogs. They laughed at my rudeness.

“Why do you think you’re my slave?”

“Why don’tcha answer m’ question?”

He paused, smiling as he looked me up and down. Unlike the other men, he was dressed in fine, flamboyant clothes which glittered with chains and gemstones.

“I like you, child. You will be no one’s slave. We are all free here. If you are happy in our company you will cook for us and we will give you food, a place to sleep, maybe even some warm clothes. Then, when you decide you are ready, you can tell us your name.”

Still unsure if he was telling the truth, I kept my guard up but answered his question all the same.

“I don’t got no name,” I replied.

The men all laughed again.

“No name? ‘ow’d ya mother call ya?” The monster who had brought me to the camp laughed.

“I don’t got no mother.”

“Everyone’s got a mother. Even Eddie and he’s barely human,” another of the men said.

“Aye.” The big man grinned. “But I never knew me daddy. P’raps ‘e was an ape.”

“I’m sorry, child,” their leader said, smiling. “You won’t find your mother here, but we can surely do something about a name.”

I had no response for him. I couldn’t get another word to rise up out of my throat and so he continued talking.

“My name, in case you were wondering, is The Great Bartholomew.”  He spoke dramatically and then paused like he expected me to recognise him.

“No? Nothing? World’s most dangerous highwayman, doesn’t ring a bell?”

I shook my head and the rest of the gang all laughed.

“Well, not to worry. Where was I?”

Between puffs on a large wooden pipe, a rather well-spoken man spoke up.

“You were about to welcome our new addition to-”

“You mean to tell me that you’ve never heard of The Great Bart?” the leader interrupted. “And what about Bartholomew the Great? You see, these days I’m the world’s greatest highwayman but, once upon a time, I had another career altogether. I used to be known as Bartholomew the Great, the most famous pirate who ever lived.”

I continued to stare back at him, blank-faced.

“Give it up, Bart. He doesn’t know you,” the smoking man said.

As Bart was clearly just getting into his stride, many of the onlookers took the opportunity to go back to their homes, leaving me alone with the five main members of the gang.

“I was feared and admired from Finisterre to Land’s End for my wicked ways, sharp tongue and dashing looks.” Bart stared off into the distance as if he was thinking back to happier times. “I packed it all in after a particularly nasty sea battle made me dream of life back on dry land.”

“‘e don’t know ya, Boss,” the big man, Eddie, said, clutching his massive gut as he shook with laughter.

“Shut up, all of you. There was a flicker of recognition there. I saw it,” Bart replied, sounding irritated. “I gave up my fortune, fame and pirate’s life for a more simple existence as a good old-fashioned highwayman.”

“Give over, Bart. He’s never heard of you,” a third man said.

“How is that possible?” Bart asked himself. “You know I was going to welcome you to the gang and introduce you to everyone but I’m not in the mood anymore.”

“Don’t be sad. I betcha very famous. I’m prob’ly just too young to know you,” I said.

He turned away and bit his fist.

“Ahh come on, old man,” the smoker said. “There’s no need to weep.”

“I’m not weeping. I’m lamenting the ignorance of today’s youth. Just introduce yourselves for once.”

“Young sir,” the smoker began, “my name is Anders-”

“Well that’s no way to start now, is it?” Bart said, turning back to me and reclaiming everyone’s attention. “Unnamed boy, allow me to introduce my noble advisor and chief scientist, Sir Anders Fahrenheit. The cleverest man you will ever meet, Anders was once the queen’s astronomer and was famous throughout the nation for his wisdom. It was he who first discovered that the Earth was flat and that, with a big enough ladder, you could reach heaven in just a couple of days. Strategist, consultant and lyric poet, I’d be lost without him.”

The whole time Bart was speaking, Anders stood nodding in agreement. Exactly why he had given up a room in the Blue Palace to live as an outlaw was a fact I never discovered.

“The hairy beast who escorted you here we call Eddie. Well-known for his immense strength, he can crush the air out of an opponent in seconds. He once fought a bear with his bare hands and to call it a fight is being generous to his ursine foe. I’ve never seen him lose a scrap in all our years together.”

“Ah, Bart, ya’ old softy. Ya’ makin’ me blush,” Eddie said.

“Next up we have Rhodri, the knight.”

A gaunt, delicately framed man who had said nothing up to now turned to face me.

“He may not look like much but he’s just as dangerous as Eddie. A sorcerer with a sword, he can cut you into forty pieces before you know the battle has even begun. Not a big talker our Rhodri but it serves me well as I never understand a word he says. They say that Wales is the land of song but to hear this Welshman talk is like listening to a pig being eaten by a duck.”

Rhodri turned away again without showing any sign of whether Bart’s words had upset him.

“Finally we have Eric, the jack of all trades. If Eddie is the brawn, Anders the brains and Rhodri the instincts of the gang then Eric is our heart. Minstrel, storyteller, amateur psychologist and master shoe-shiner, he is somewhat unnecessary and completely vital all at the same time.”

“Charmed, young gentleman, really I am,” Eric said with a smile.

“One day, if you’re lucky enough, he might tell you a little tale,” Bart continued. “When he weaves a story, you get so trapped up in it, you’re scared what will happen next.”

“I do my best.” As he spoke, Eric’s smile became a grin.

“So, young sir, what do you say? Do you fancy a place in the court of King Bart?”

I still didn’t know how to reply. They didn’t seem like they wanted to cook me in a stew or use me in some dark-magic ritual but that didn’t mean I could trust these strange people. I glanced around at the men and they stared back, waiting on my answer.

“I think I gotta sleep,” I finally said.

“Good idea, you must be exhausted after the long walk. Sorry about that whole thing with the bag. We didn’t want to scare you but you can never be too careful when you’re the most wanted man in the country. It’s better not to have too many people finding out where I live, if you know what I mean.”

Bart led me over to my new home. The small tent had nothing but a scratchy woollen blanket and a tiny pillow inside but, to me, it was the most luxurious place on Earth.

“The last person who lived here got eaten by a giant tarantula,” he said. I have no idea if he was serious. “Get some sleep and we’ll see how things look in the morning.”

I climbed into the tent and fell instantly asleep. I didn’t wake up until the next morning. I would have slept much longer if it hadn’t been for an odd scratching noise on the side of my tent. It was Bart again. He couldn’t find the front door.

“Ahh there you are,” he said as I stuck my head out through the flap. “I think it’s time you discovered what we get up to around here.” He spoke in the loud, theatrical voice which he reserved for talking about himself.

All I could manage in response was a yawn. I was still hoping I was dreaming and that I would not have to be getting out of bed so soon.

“You see, my dear child, I am a thief!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Oh, yes, of course you do. For some reason I thought we hadn’t told you.” He sounded disappointed and perhaps a little drunk. “Still, how about you come and see Bart the Great in action?”

“I thought you was The Great Bart?”

“Oh, ha ha ha.” He had a very phony laugh. “Of course, how foolish of me. I am The Great Bart. Bart the Great was a pirate, wasn’t he? I never met the chap but they say he was devilishly handsome.”

“I also know that you are Bart the Great and yuh gave up your pirate’s life for a more simple existence-” I began to repeat the story he had told me but he soon cut me short.

“You do? Oh? So what is it that we haven’t told you then?” He paused to think. “Ahh, I remember, that whole thing with the badger, the elephant and the lady water sprite. Well there’s no need to worry yourself about that. Where was I? Ah, yes. Are you ready for action?”

A few minutes later I was sitting on a horse behind Rhodri, galloping through the woods with the rest of the gang in tow. When we arrived at the path which cut through the forest, Bart hid me in a bush where I could watch the show from a safe distance. The men took their places and awaited the first stagecoach and their first victims of the day.

“Oh no,” the coachman said as he spotted Bart’s white horse on the road up ahead of him. “It’s him. It’s The Great Bartholomew.”

In the time it takes to say “Oh no. It’s him. It’s The Great Bartholomew,” the coach was surrounded.

Eddie stood at the front of the carriage looking menacing with Eric and Rhodri around the other sides. Even though they all wore swords in their belts, nobody drew a weapon. Bart was so feared and admired that the gang no longer needed to actually attack anyone.

“Get ready!” Bart shouted, once the coach had come to a stop.

“We are ready,” Eric said.

“No, not you lot. I mean them. It’s a new catchphrase I’m trying out. Get ready!” Bart said again.

“What’s wrong with, stand and deliver?” Eric asked. “You can’t improve on a classic line like stand and deliver.”

“Yes, but it’s hardly original. I could be anyone saying a line like-”

“Uhum,” Rhodri interrupted Bart, bringing him back to the job at hand.

“Get ready! For you are in the process of being robbed by the one and only, The Great Bart.”

“And his band of fearless thieves,” Eric added.

“And his band of fearless thieves. Thank you, Eric, I was just coming to that. I am The Great Bart. If you would be so kind as to hand over your valuables I will graciously spare you your lives and you will be free to go about your business.”

The men approached the carriage and the driver remained in his seat, trembling like a small, balding earthquake. The women inside the coach peered out in the hope of getting a glimpse of the famous highwayman.

“Think of it as an investment,” Bart said. “Just imagine how grateful your grandchildren will be when they discover that they were permitted to come into this world because I didn’t kill you. But please save your thanks, good people. No words of gratitude are necessary. We do, however, accept jewels, coin purses and assorted objets d’art.”

The men held purple velvet bags through the windows of the coach like altar boys at a mass. I could see from the happy expression on Eric’s face that the pouches quickly filled up with bounty.

Bart approached the carriage to inspect the haul.

“Oh, Mr Bart?” a brave young lady said. She was as rich as a Black Forest gateau.

“Please, madam. There’s no need for formality,” Bart replied, leaning in through the window with a mischievous sparkle in his eye. “Call me Great.”

His men all rolled their eyes and tutted. They were clearly no longer amused by Bart’s patter.

“Would you mind signing my empty purse? I’m a huge fan of your work,” the lady said.

“Madam, you’re too hard on yourself,” Bart said. “You’re really quite petite.”

He looked around at the rest of the passengers who responded with sighs and shudders. Though the men in the carriage shook with fear, the women all blushed and batted their eyelashes. Bart winked at an old lady, making her faint with excitement, whilst her husband tried to avoid eye contact altogether with the wicked criminal.

“Oh, Bart. Why don’t you let me be your treasure? Put me in your bag and take me back to your secret lair. I’ll make you feel like the richest man on Earth,” the young lady suddenly shouted, no longer able to control her passion.

With her expensive tastes and fashions, she was just like a work of art. Her face was so caked in white powder that she looked like a Roman statue.

“But, madam,” Bart said to the young aristocrat, pretending to be shocked, “if you knew where my secret lair was, then I really would have to kill you.”

As Bart kept chattering away and the rest of the gang loaded the loot onto their horses, I heard a noise off in the distance. At first I thought it was wild animals in the forest but it was getting louder and closer. It was the sound of horses galloping along the path.

“Bart,” I said as I caught a flash of blue livery through the trees. “There’s someone on the road.”

“Sir, are you a wizard?” the young lady asked dreamily. “I could swear I just heard that bush call your name.”

“Madam, I can honestly say that the only magic I possess is my bewitching charm.”

“Bart, move!” Eddie said as he mounted one of the horses and the rest of the gang galloped away.

“Au revoir, ma petite truffe,” Bart whispered, before kissing the young lady full on the mouth and jumping skilfully onto his pretty white stallion.

Just as he was steering his horse into the thick cover of the forest, two guardsmen emerged into view dressed in the deep blue uniform of the king’s guard. One soldier stopped next to the stagecoach while the other chased after the gang into the trees.

Ten minutes later the second guard reappeared without Bart, or his horse, or his nice blue uniform. He waddled embarrassedly onto the scene and attempted to aid the investigation with only his wits to help him.

A short time later, Rhodri crept up to where I was hidden and guided me back to the camp without being seen. That night we had a feast to celebrate our successful getaway. Bart brought me new clothes to wear and let me burn the rags my owners had dressed me in. As I sat eating dinner with the gang, thinking over my adventure, I realised that something had changed. In all the excitement I had forgotten to be scared. I looked around at my new companions and I felt safe.

“Okay, Bart,” I said over the noise of the men and their families as we all sat eating around the fire. “I’m gonna stay.”

“That’s the spirit, nameless young man. I never doubted it for a second.”

Right from those very first days Bart and the gang showed me kindness like I’d never imagined possible. It was hard for me to believe they weren’t just tricking me. Even in my first hours in the camp, as I avoided their stares and barely spoke a single word, they joked with me and treated me like a friend.

Our happy band was completed by several wives and children along with two rather dull men who looked after the horses. Eddie’s wife Gerry was the size of a small minotaur and arguably tougher than any of the men. Under Bart’s rule it was Gerry and the other women who had the real power. They were responsible for hunting, bookkeeping, carpentry and general handicrafts. The men would have been lost without them. They also held the authority to decide when it was time for us to move on and where we should end up.

Eddie and Gerry’s son Ross was only a few years older than me and had just become a full member of the gang. He was fast, both with a weapon and on a horse. Loyal and always fair, he was a sensitive soul and spent most of his time moping about with a broken heart over his sweetheart, Eric’s daughter Rachel.

Slowly I began to accept that this bunch of foul-mouthed, foul-smelling, foul-mannered brutes were as nice as they seemed. I was the one putting on an act, not them. I knew from the beginning that I could not keep lying to them forever. Still I feared so much the idea of returning to my old life that I couldn’t bear to tell them the truth. It was a boy they had bought and so a boy I would have to be.

We travelled from place to place. A caravan of thieves, taking shelter in forests, steering clear of the king’s guard and watching out for trolls. With a little help from the men, I taught myself to cook. Stealing sheep from the fields was easy enough and Eddie would occasionally catch a phoenix or an overweight basilisk. I would cook them over a big fire and boil the vegetables that the children would bring. In the beginning the men tried out different names on me but they all knew it was down to our leader to choose one.

Bart was an enigma. He was a murderer and a thief but at times he could be as soft as a dandelion clock. As a highwayman he was known for his gallantry as much as his ruthlessness. He was always willing to listen to a plea from a lady and was well-known for returning sentimental items he had taken. Sometimes he even posed for sketches with his admiring fans. Of course, it hadn’t always been like this. He spoke of the coachmen they’d beaten unconscious and the soldiers they’d had to kill to earn such a reputation.

I bothered Bart for months to let me come out on a raid with them again but he said that robbery was no pastime for an infant. After much begging, Ross reluctantly taught me what he knew about thieving. I practiced on the men, trying to steal the purses from their belts without them noticing. At first they always caught me but I was a quick student and was soon as good as my teacher.

Still, I was the cook and nothing more. Bart had no intention of letting a child get in the way of the serious business of daylight robbery. Occasionally, however, action seemed to find me.

 

 

Unleash the Trolls

 

In some places, parents tell their kids scary stories about gypsies coming in the night to kidnap them if they’re naughty. In Sardonia the gypsies tell their kids that, if they don’t behave themselves, the trolls will come.

Trolls are the most disgusting creatures on the planet. They’re as mean as elves, as cruel as vampires and as ugly as helldogs. They’re slimy, smelly, stupid and I absolutely hate them with all my heart. Trolls aren’t like other creatures. They don’t have friends or loved ones. They don’t believe in compassion, education, self-improvement, team sports or interior design. There is one thing that they want and one thing they care about. Everything they do, everything they feel, it’s all for the sake of gold.

No, you don’t see trolls walking around covered in big fat chains or with massive rings that say “TROLL” covering all four knuckles. Trolls like to hide their gold underground so that they know it’s safe and no one can get to it. They don’t use their gold for anything but they hunger for it all the same. If you offer a troll some gold to kidnap a baby, kill your enemy or burn down a village they’ll do it because they love gold. It’s as simple as that.

I’d been living with Bart’s gang for a couple of months when the trolls first attacked. As I found out that day, they are very territorial creatures and will do whatever it takes to keep people away from their hidden stashes. We’d made the mistake of pitching camp right on top of one of these hoards.

Ross was the first to see them. He’d been collecting wood for me to add to the fire and came running back, screaming at the top of his voice. Rhodri grabbed his swords and suddenly there were two fat little monsters dead on the floor in front of me. Eddie gritted his teeth ready for battle, his eyes searching the trees for something to crush. Anders grabbed a set of compasses and hid behind his much bigger colleague. Suddenly the trolls were everywhere.

I imagine troll mothers must have some trouble telling their kids apart. Each one is like a short, green mountain of warts with fat little limbs and tiny, piggy eyes. Imagine yourself completely surrounded by a circle of giant lime jellies holding axes and you’ll get a pretty clear picture of the scene.

Eddie charged towards the nearest group. He was a human battering-ram. Spinning furiously with his fists flying, he knocked down the five nearest trolls like empty milk bottles. Rhodri sent daggers zooming out in front of him as his sword thwicked and thwacked at the persistent trolls’ necks. No matter how strong the men were, there were too many of the hideous creatures for them to hold off alone.

“Why can’t you all be quiet?”

Barely awake, Bart emerged from his tent in his underwear with a bottle of wine still in his hand from the night before.

“Uh-oh,” he said as he saw a troll coming towards him, smashed the bottle over its head and dived back out of sight.

“Bart?” Eddie said. “We need ya’.”

“I’ll be right with you,” came Bart’s muffled reply.

I grabbed a burning log from the fire and swung it about me in case anything wanted to come near. Even Eric was doing his bit, throwing pots and tins of polish at the approaching masses. One troll tried to get up onto Gerry’s caravan. A swift kick to the face from her formidable left foot soon sent the beast on its way.

The bodies were piling up all around us as Ross, Rhodri, Eddie and Gerry got down to some troll-bashing. Yet for every one they dispatched, another appeared.

“Baaaaart!” Ross cried as he took a blow to the hip from a low-swung axe.

“I’m just coming.”

Eddie picked up two of the little beasties and hurled them way up into the trees, never to be seen again. His long, trampling legs snapped slimy, green necks as his hands crushed unlucky skulls with a single squeeze.

“Where is it?” Bart asked, still out of sight of the action.

The grooms galloped through the packs of trolls, separating them so that Eddie, Ross and Rhodri could pick them off. Ross was not much taller than one of our enemies and was clearly suffering from his wound but he still managed to knock out as many of the creatures as his immense father.

“Bart, now!” Anders shouted as he got his first chance to stab his callipers into a thick green neck. Disgusting, putrid goo oozed out of the creature and it emitted a high whine, like a pig bladder football letting out air.

“Ah, there it is,” Bart said to himself, but he still didn’t leave his tent.

Eddie punched one troll so hard that its neck instantly snapped. Rhodri skewered another straight through the heart and into the beast behind. For a moment he was stuck with a giant troll kebab in place of a weapon.

Gerry kicked everything that came near. Ross was spinning round and round like a vicious ballerina. I never got to hit anything, or set anyone on fire for that matter as it was just then that Bart burst out of his tent. He was dressed in his finest clothes with a sword in each hand.

“Get ready!” he shrieked as he landed a kick on the nearest troll.

“Seriously?” Rhodri said as he took a break from the battle to look at Bart’s opulent outfit.

“Yuh look like an old gypsy woman.” Gerry just stared at him.

“‘e looks more like a bu-di-full princess,” Eddie said as he continued to throw punches at the advancing monsters.

“Have I taught you nothing?” Bart called to the others as he engaged his next opponent. “A true gentleman never shows up to a battle poorly dressed.”

Bart was not as swift as Rhodri or as strong as Eddie. In some ways he didn’t even have the resilience of Gerry or her son but to watch him fight was to witness true magic at work. He had the instincts of a wolf and could have destroyed the whole pack of trolls blindfolded with one hand behind his back and his legs tied together. He was creative too. Jabbing his swords into the trunk of a tree, he liked to take punches at the ugly green beasts before re-seizing his weapons and plunging them into one of the unsuspecting creatures.

He was braver than anyone, foolish even. He preferred to fight several opponents at the same time and made the dumb trolls believe they had him in a corner only to topple several heads off with one mighty strike of his sword. All the time that he fought, he laughed and smiled like a child enjoying a game.

As the number of trolls decreased he began to sing in time with his movements.

“La la la la…”

Thwack.

“La la la la…”

Stab.

“La la la lalalala la la….”

“Urghhhhhh,” a troll with a sword in its eye gurgled.

In minutes, the ground beneath his feet was covered in puddles of green goo and the odd dismembered body part. With Eddie, Bart and Rhodri all fighting together, there was nothing short of divine will that could stop them. Bart tricked his last troll, running round the tree trunk to stab it straight through both kidneys, and took a masterful bow.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Eric said with pride. “I give you, the one and only, The Great Bartholomew.”

I clapped and whistled as Bart, Rhodri and the others tried to catch their breath.

“Masterful work,” Gerry said sarcastically.

“I don’ts know ‘ow ‘e does it,” her husband said with a laugh in his voice.

The campsite was a mess of green slime and dead bodies. Mothers and children peered out from the safety of their caravans to see if it was okay to come out.

“Time to move on, I suppose,” Gerry said.

“Not until after breakfast,” Bart replied. “Maybe next time those damn creatures will think twice about waking me up before noon.”

The men piled the bodies up. The children collected axe handles for firewood and I set about making some food. Which was when I realised that, even though we never stayed in one location for very long, I had finally found a place to call home.

 

 

Miss Christopher

 

Bart was a thief and a murderer but he neither hit nor chained me. He gave me food and clothes. He spoke to me like a human being and, on my thirteenth birthday, he gave me a name. He also gave me a birthday, as I’d never had one before. With the celebrations underway he took me aside to give me my present.

“Ever since you’ve been with us, I’ve felt happier,” he said. “It’s hard sometimes, doing this job, day after day. Your innocence and positivity have helped me to remember exactly why I get up every morning and steal things from people. You’ve brought us luck on our travels so I’m going to call you Christopher.”

I’d been doing my best to keep my secret from the gang. I always walked around with mud on my face and my clothes dirty. I kept my hair short and tried to disguise my voice but there were some things I couldn’t hide. My body was changing like it wanted to give me away. I was growing up and I knew that I couldn’t hide the truth for much longer.

“There might may be a problem wiv’ that.” I hesitated. “Bart, I ain’t who you think I am. I mean, I’ve got a secret.”

“I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you’ve done. You’re a fine mascot and an even better cook.”

“That’s not wha’ I mean.”

“You’ll be Christopher to me no matter what you have to say.”

He showed me his teeth through a big smile.

“I’m a... girl!” I said, turning away from him so that I didn’t have to see his horrified reaction.

“I see.” He paused. “Of course you are. How did I not notice it earlier? Well that was awfully stupid. Imagine calling a girl Christopher.”

I turned to look at him. His smile had grown even wider.

“It’s too late now though,” he said. “Sorry, you’re stuck with it.”

I laughed, unsure if he was joking.

“How do you think it suits you?”

“Eh?” I replied, completely failing to grasp what he was talking about.

Christopher. How do you like your new name? No, don’t answer. Come with me.”

He took me by the hand and led me to where the rest of the gang were sitting.

“My merry men and women, I have an announcement. Our distinguished chef has finally earned a name. I’d like to introduce you all to Christopher.”

They cheered and clapped.

“About bloody time.”

“Much better than ‘boy’.”

“What do you think of it, Anders?” Bart asked.

“Well,” Anders paused, puffing heavily on his old wooden pipe which he thought made him look sophisticated. Breathing out a thick cloud of stinking smoke, he said, “Yes, it’s a fine name.”

“Oh and one more thing. Christopher is a girl. If any of you even think of giving her a hard time for being dressed up like a boy for the last couple of months, I’ll pop your eyes out with a spoon.” Bart’s voice changed from jolly and light to deadly serious so that nobody questioned if he was kidding.

Ross and his father bellowed out a laugh.

“Pleased to make you’re acquaintance, Miss Christopher.”

Bart’s smile returned as everyone began to make a fuss of me.

“Yes, you’re very welcome here with us, Christopher, m’ dear,” Eric, the spokesman of the group, announced. “Welcome to the family.”

It wasn’t long before the gang started calling me Chrissie or Christina, but Bart never changed.

“Fine meal, Christopher,” he’d say after dinner each night. “Keep it up.”

After that, life went on just like normal. They all still teased me as much as before and treated me like everyone else. With each passing day, I became more certain that I had found what I’d always longed for. Being surrounded by people who cared for me, by people who wanted nothing more than my happiness and well being, felt like some kind of heaven.

None of them cared for me more than Bart did. I was steadily becoming his biggest fan. Whenever he talked to me I giggled like a silly little girl. When I wasn’t working, I would follow him round listening to the fabulous stories of his past adventures. The only people I had really known before Bart were the old couple who’d brought me up. Their idea of entertainment was beating me till my ears were bleeding, so I hadn’t had a lot of experience when it came to learning how to judge people. Still there was something so magical about Bart. I loved him like no one before or since. I loved him like he was my father. And just as I realised how important he had come to be, he announced his plan.

“If you’re set on being a woman,” he said with the flash of a devious grin, “then you’ve got a lot to learn. It’s alright for this lot to waste their lives away but they were never given any choice.”

“I’m happy-” I began to say.

“Quiet, child. Most of our little family here were born without any opportunities. Do you think they chose to grow up without an education or a decent home? I did what I could for them, but you’re different. You’re under my care and I’m going to do everything in my power to see that you get a chance in life.”

“I wanna be a thief like you or a-”

“Christopher, hush,” he interrupted. “If you’re to be a woman, there’re some things you’ll need to know. First you must learn how to carry yourself, how to dress and how to speak like a lady. Second I will teach you all about etiquette, sophistication and the ways of high society. Then third, but most importantly, I will teach you how to kill.”

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HarperCollins Wrote

‘The Princess and the Peach’

What a fantastic story. The author has cleverly balanced a parody of traditional fairytales with the creation of an original story. There are some highly engaging characters – such as the larger-than-life former pirate Bartholomew – that are given a sense of realism through Brown’s sharp dialogue and fluent narrative.

Indeed, the book’s characters are probably its biggest selling point. From the Great Bartholomew to Prince Paul’s psychopathic younger brother Buster, the author has developed an army of unique and animated figures. The two protagonists, Prince Paul and Christopher, have strong personalities and individual voices, elements that are often lacking from books in this genre. With heroes of both genders, the book can appeal to both young girls and boys.

Stylistically, switching between the perspective of the two protagonists, Prince Paul and Christopher, works very well, and has been used to great comic effect. The author has a playful and fluent style that makes the book highly readable. The writing also cleverly balances the need to entertain both a young audience and the parents who may be reading to them.

The only real concern faced by ‘The Princess and the Peach’ is whether the path it follows, in parodying traditional children’s stories, is already too well-trodden. There are a few moments where the story edges dangerously close to the obvious influence, Shrek, for instance with the vanity of the King and the prince’s battle with the dragon. The author must be aware that most readers will, whether intentionally or not, associate this story with similar projects, which makes attention to originality a matter of utmost importance. With the many brilliantly unique ideas, characters, and observations in ‘The Princess and the Peach’, the story has the depth and substance to survive a re-think of some elements in order to preserve its own particular novelty.

Of course, this review is based only on what was made available. We would need to see a full manuscript to really judge the marketability of the book – still, this is certainly a strong start.

IamBerry wrote 293 days ago

This story is so bloody perfect it hurts!! I was going to read chapter one to get a feel and now I am on page 7 / chapter 3. I am gigglIng and seriously enjoying the heck out of my self. I freakin love this! You are witty and charming and I will back this until I fInd it in a book store. 6 stars! Okay... Back to reading.

Thank you for offering a trade. I truly appreciate your time!

Sharrie
Splash of Color

Sara Stinson wrote 330 days ago

CHIRG Review

Benedict, I am honored you asked me to read your book! What a winning book! The characters are perfect. They each have their unique personalities. This is one of the best balanced books I have read. Children and adults of all ages will flock to read the story! This story is entertaining, funny, and comical. I laughed out loud when Bart took his time getting dressed for the fight. I had him at hopeless, but he came out of the tent and proudly proved himself! Benedict, you deserve to be in school libraries, public libraries, and private.

Will read more and comment!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

Jed Oliver wrote 378 days ago

Wondrous! Marvelous! Enchanting! This book deserves every superlative I can think of, and perhaps others I haven't learned yet. With writing this good, there is no need for me to wish you good luck. It'll come anyway.
Best regards, Jed Oliver (French Roast and Lingerie) (Saving Bob) P.S. I'd consider it an honor if you'd check out my books when you have a chance.

ELAdams wrote 399 days ago

Here's my YARG review:
Wow- this is pure genuis! I love modern retellings of fairytales with a comedy twist, and from your pitch I knew this was going to be a winner. The humour is spot-on for the target audience, with reinterpretations of fairytale tropes such as slaying dragons and marrying princesses, and the premise makes for an entertaining read. I found it incredibly difficult to fault- the prose is well-edited and flows, there's a good balance of dialogue and description, and I love the characters- Lorena and Bart both had me in stitches! Not a single word is wasted, and the use of the first person voice works perfectly.
I've only had time to read the first three chapters so far, but this is absolutely brilliant- I can definitely see this being a success if published! Six stars, and I'll have to throw something off my bookshelf to make room for this!
Once again, thank you so much for your help with 'The Puppet Spell'.
Emma

Sam Banfield wrote 409 days ago

Ohhh... this is good. Very well done sir! I think I'm going to make some room on my bookshelf for this little gem. Once again I was planning to rewrite some of my book, and authonomy strikes!
I'll post up a YARG review once I've read some more.

Sam
Dead Letter Drop

craneyi wrote 56 days ago

The more I read, the more I like it. This seems to me to be very visual and I can well imagine this as children's theatre or TV.

Having only read the 1st chapter, I don't yet know why you have chosen the title you have. Is there any other more original title that would be appropriate?

Cheers

margaret c wrote 166 days ago

Hi Benedict,
I have just published The Magic Kingdom' on Amazon. I want to say a very big thank you for all your help and the feed back you have given me. I had great difficulty replacing my new edits and the first chapter on Authonomy, and still can't do it and I have tried several times. I wish it was a bit easier to do. I will hope to return in the near future with my second book as I think it is an amazing site. I wish you well with all you do and great success with your writing. MERRY CHRISTMAS Margaret C.

austenwrit24 wrote 172 days ago

AHh, loved every minute of it! Backing it right now...loved the characters, just the right amount of innocence that makes readers really want to root for them, especially Christopher - and the teaching how to be a lady bit...classicaly amazing...well done! :)

Adriana S.

Racheal McGillivary wrote 195 days ago

Glad to see such a positive review for you from Harper. I'm curious, did they request a full? They editor did hint at the end that it would be nice to see a full. Congrats on your review!

Racheal

Cariad wrote 196 days ago

Not a bad review - are you going to send more?

evermoore wrote 198 days ago

Benedict...Congrats on the review! I'm so tickled for you...and know I'll be finding this in the bookstores soon!

((hugs))
Linda, Children Walking with Jesus
Daniel Simmons Journey

superostah wrote 203 days ago

I can definitely see why you made it to the editor's desk with this gem. From the start you get the feeling an amazing adventure awaits the nameless heroine. The magical world that unfurls as you read through the first few pages is incredibly well developed through a healthy dose of pre-developed creatures and the addition of a few new ones to keep things interesting.

I'm only through the first chapter, but I'll definitely be back to read more.

Andrea Taylor wrote 205 days ago

Loved this book, right from the start. A sure winner!

kegoff wrote 210 days ago

A great story, very funny and engaging. I loved how you used the dual perspectives to augment what we thought about Paul especially, and how you played off of that with Christina. I laughed very hard when, after hearing Paul go on and on about how he just knew Christina was his soulmate and they were madly in love with each other, Christina reveals to us that she finds Paul to be a creeper and an idiot.

That said, while Paul's character was noticeably augmented by this, as in, his character was quite different from how he presented himself, you didn't really do that with Christina, which I think is a missed opportunity for further hilarity. She remains pretty true to how she sees herself. What she remains as is a very likable character, and her dry humor certainly made her my favorite, but considering how brilliantly you handled Paul (and even Queen Monica ended up seeming like not a total... "witch"... in the end), I think this might be a lost opportunity with regard to Christina's character.

Very funny story though. I especially loved the banter bits, like with the soldiers when Paul was fighting the dragon. Lorena isn't my favorite. She seems a bit too one-sidedly evil, but considering how Monica did also for a little while, that could just be because we haven't seen her a whole lot, and I haven't read (yet!) passed chapter seven.

This book appears to be going places. Congratulations--it is well deserved!

Katherine

Carlisle Troy wrote 211 days ago

We loved it! We have always loved fairytales (hence the subtitle of our book, The Enchanted Cottage of Oceania: An American Fairytale). You are a phenomenal writer!! The pages turn almost as if by the same magic as the writing itself. Great read!!!!

made wrote 221 days ago

Hello I just want to be honest nothing with the grammar but I just didn't enjoy the story but it was well written so well done in that part in not trying to be a spoil sport or anything just saying what I think of it but hay many great writers had people not liking there work like Stephanie Meyer and jk Rowling.

artifactory wrote 230 days ago

I'm with all the other commentators here. There are no words to proclaim how amazing this story is. You've already used all the good ones! I have got to find out what a 'dandelion clock' is! The characters are amazing and each is so unique and richly textured. Congratulations on the sale of the rights; a film would be spectacular, but I hope this will also be a book so that we have your wonderful voice and imagery to keep.

maretha wrote 235 days ago

CHIRG REVIEW
The Princess and the Peach/Benedict Brown
I thoroughly enjoyed reading all that you've posted. I'm not going to regurgitate what everyone has already said, but I loved the steady dialogue and plot development from the opening line, when you started off with "I" - was immediately hooked and even though this is supposed to be children/young adult, the child in me really enjoyed their adventures throughout. Wicked versus good is well contrasted. That is what we, the readers want. There must always be someone to hate and someone to love. You as a writer manages to do this very skillfully. I would like to read the rest of your story, but fully understand why you removed the final chapters. I did the same.
I wish you all the best on the editor's desk. I've backed "Princess and the Peach" for quite a while, but due to personal circumstances couldn't complete reading up to now So, please accept my almost belated "well done!"
Kindest regards and oh, before I forget HIGH STARS from me. :-)
Maretha
African Adventures of Flame, Family, Furry and Feathered Friends

Kestrelraptorial wrote 238 days ago

I had a lot of fun reading this story. It's a really cute and funny play on 'the princess and the pea'. The characters were quite entertaining, and many of them a little psychotic. Wonderful, although the plots turned out to be a bit simpler than I expected them to be.

Bartholomew gave Chris a ring that maims and decapitates with the flick of her wrist for her birthday? Wow . . . that's awfully powerful. You know, I kind of expected Chris to lend Paul the ring to kill the dragon with.

I liked the joke in Chapter 17 - "This is the fashion equivalent of the Hundred Years War!" - "In that two-thirds of the population are going to die?" - Ha ha ha. Well, with rulers like them, maybe.

Christopher's training in fighting was pretty cool, and I liked the detailed description of the dragon battle. I thought it was nice how she met Paul - being taken into the palace from the rain and passing the pea-mattress test, then they were just . . . attracted to one another.

Actually, with his family so openly bent on seeing that he dies, I'm surprised Paul didn't very quickly murder them.

I loved how Lorena came back and began to torture Paul and his family. That reminded me of some of the torture scenes in Higurashi no naku koro ni. I wish I could read that last chapters . . .

Jessicaw wrote 238 days ago

Hello again,
I've finished reading the book. Here are my last comments (nothing that would stop a publisher from loving the story, just tiny little things)

Ch 19: Paragraph starting ‘It occurred to me that…’ ‘I doubt as a child picturing my….’ I thought this sentence could be re-worked a little to make it a bit less convoluted. A rare find!

Paragraph starting ‘It was then I realised…’ ‘There was no way it would take them long to get to us’ Again, I thought that this could be re-worded slightly. There’s nothing wrong with it, it just didn’t flow as smoothly as the rest of your writing.

Why doesn’t Princess Christina use her magical birthday ring when the harpies attack? I saw a brief reference to it in chapter 11, but would it not have been useful before then either? (Sorry if simply missed a bit when she really DID use it.)

Ch 11: ‘A great shadow past over us’ Should be ‘passed’.

P. 42 ‘Through the slit in the sky, a gigantic demon was emerging from the fiery recesses of the underworld. Shahryar, the devil’s Punch and Judy man, was in full control.’ Firstly, I thought it odd that something from the underworld would emerge from the sky. Then I wondered if today’s kids will know what you mean with ‘Punch and Judy man’?

The only other comment I’ve got is that the battle went on for quite a long time, and could perhaps be shortened. There’s so much battling the evil creatures in Hell, more battling with harpies and furys, and then more fighting with the necromancer… I still enjoyed the story, but was keen to get to the part AFTER the battle.

Hope you get a glowing review from HP - can't see why you wouldn't!
Jessica

RoyWood wrote 238 days ago

CHIRG Review

Initially I have read chapter 1 and chapter 7 and have shelved the book to read more later.

Excellent. Really well written. Characters are vivid - loved the old man who only ever said 'That's right!' even though he was only in it for a page or two. The gang reminded me of Fagin's band of pickpockets - mischievious but fun and friendly.

I expect this will get published. Best of luck.

Molara wrote 239 days ago

I'm partial to children's books that are funny and yet serious at the same time. I've only read one chapter but I love this already...its funny and the language is spot on, I think my kids would love this. Well done! Will definitely read more of this and comment on the book as a whole.

Molara

Please check out 'YETUNDE' it's a kids book so you may have some advice for me.

Sammi Stone wrote 239 days ago

This is beautiful and no surprises that you are numero uno. Shelved with pleasure.

Sam

evermoore wrote 239 days ago

I've finished the chapters posted and yes, I want the ending. You wrote a tale of whimsy and wit that does make imaginations stir. Thank you for sharing your creative soul with the rest of us mere mortals!

linda
Children Walking With Jesus

Phone Me wrote 240 days ago

Oh my, I adore this. Was having a rotten day but reading this actually made me laugh - out loud. I never laugh out loud at books. It's cute, quirky and hilarious. You had me at lov-er-lee. Your dialogue is really your strong point. Reminds me of some of disneys new, more fun stuff. Great work.

Jessicaw wrote 240 days ago

‘Ello again,
I’ve read up to chapter 14. I’ll keep going, but here are my comments so far. I’ve only found a few, minor things to comment on, but I’m guessing you want to get rid of as many wee mistakes as possible before you get selected for a HP review.

Ch 8: Paragraph beginning ‘I’d heard talk…’ ‘agreed tha,t…’
Ch 9: When you describe the ring, I couldn’t quite picture it, since the description confused me:
‘Placing the loop at its base around my fingers…’ Can you perhaps make this clearer? (There’s of course a possibility that I’m being stupid, in which case – ignore me!)
Chapters 4, 7, 10, 13: These have numbered chapter headings that don’t correspond to the Authonomy chapters.

Still the best thing I've read on this site!
Jess

evermoore wrote 244 days ago

Well...I must say, sir...this is a bit of fun that stirs the imagination! I can see why it's being produced and imagine you winning awards for it. Imagine how I'll sing your praises when I actually read the whole thing! (smiles)

Which I will do before calling it a day, I'm sure!

Linda

Tufan wrote 244 days ago

I've just read the first chapter. What a great opening! I love the way you jump straight into the action and end the chapter on a little teaser.

Dekkle wrote 244 days ago


YARG review.

Hi Ben,

Besides for enjoying writing and reading, I am also an avid gamer. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the game Fable, but your humour is very similar to it, and I’m thoroughly enjoying it so far.

Your story has humour, wit, charm, a vast sense of adventure and is written in such an easy style that one cannot help but continue reading.

I’m actually supposed to be working but instead find myself reading “Miss Christopher” and sitting here with a really silly grin framing my mouth. I feel like I’m ten years old again – it’s the weirdest thing.

I’m going to have to do some work now – but I’ll definitely be back to read the rest. 6 stars and backing – I see now why you’re number 2, but I have no doubt that you should be at the top.

Well done and best of luck,

Dekkle.
Through the Fire

JulieDee wrote 248 days ago

Hi i'm new to this site and just read the first few chapters of your book and couldn't stop laughing, I have to stop writing now so i can back to reading.
Great work ]
JulieDee

lanetdelphinehane wrote 249 days ago

So when I left my first comment, I was conflicted. But now I've read everything you have up, and I've found it to be very enjoyable. My main suggestion would be to have the POV change a little more quickly in places. In particular, the section where Christopher is talking about how awkward Paul is would be a great place to cut her section shorter and bring in Paul's thoughts of how perfect they are and how love is obviously in the air.

Sandra Lewis wrote 250 days ago

The gang's origin is explained amid tidbits of humour. The troupe continues to be friendly and gentle with 'Miss Christopher'. A little quiet time before whatever will happen next.
Smoothly written still.

eloravelle wrote 251 days ago

I absolutely adore this!

It is as if the characters are coming out of my computer screen, and if this was a printed book, it would be like they were coming off the page.

The dialogue is so hilariously genuine. I love it. The main characters narrative, so good.

I will keep on reading, and can see why this is up there at two on the ED.

-Deborah

lanetdelphinehane wrote 252 days ago

I have to be honest; I haven't decided how I feel about this book yet. Towards the beginning I was ready to write it off as just another princess story, but something made me keep reading. And I haven't stopped... There are many places where I think "how cliche" or "that's overdone", but then I have to remember that this book is being written for a younger audience who will love those very things that make me groan. So I'm currently stuck...

I was going to wait until the end of the book to comment, but decided to give you my impressions as I went along. I hope that was the right choice.

Chris Bostic wrote 253 days ago

Benedict,
Your comments, as promised. I can see why you are rated so highly. The story is very unique, in a surprisingly fun, cheerful way.

“lamenting the ignorance of today’s youth” – that was pretty funny. I like the way the gang bickers over their new robbing line too. There are lots of theatrical, clever moments like that sprinkled throughout.

I made it through Chapter 1 so far, and it was a delightful read. Many, many stars and I’m keeping you on my WL. I’ll try to come back later for more.
Can’t wait to hear what you think about mine.
Best wishes,
-Chris
Fugitives from Northwoods

LCF Quartet wrote 255 days ago

Hi Benedict,
What a sincere style you have when it comes to first person voice. I was planning to read your book long ago but this morning I wanted to thank you for sharing such a great, easy to follow humorous book with us here on Authonomy. I read until Chapter 5 and I'll get back to you with more comments. High-stars and WL"ed...
Best wishes,
Lucette Cohen Fins Ten Deep Footprints

AlexandraMahanaim wrote 257 days ago

I have read four chapters of your book.

Your story has a great sense of humor. I cannot ever imagine eating basilisk, which resembles a lizard-like creature with many sets of legs. Nor I cannot imagine eating phoenix, that great and rare bird. I find the description of Bart being ruthless and gallant at the same time unusual.

You create a curious setting where thieves are actually liked and a real help to Miss Christopher. Interesting twist of the pea fairytale: “The Prince and Princess lived unhappily ever after…”

Thank you so much for sharing your book,
Alexandra Mahanaim
Shoshanna, The Battle: Encountering Supernatural, Captivity, and Return to Eternity

sidecarstar wrote 258 days ago

Only read the first chapter so far but it's witty and enchanting. David

Vikko wrote 259 days ago

Hello. I am very interested in reading your story and critiquing it. It has some siimilarities to my style and interest. Could you please also read and critique my work as well?
Thank you
Vicki L. Burns

Vexgrave wrote 259 days ago

"There's no need for formality. Call me Great." That line had me cracking up!

The image of a troll rocking a gold ring covering his knuckles with the word Troll stamped on it will stick with me forever!

What I like best about your book is that it is just a pleasure to read. I don't know if it just appeals to the exact kind of humor I have or the things I adore or if it is simply excellent! I can't wait to finish the whole thing!

Kevin Simmons
The Smiling Lady

APatterson2012 wrote 263 days ago

Benedict,
What a charming, lovely, wonderful story! I am always a sucker for a good fairy tale and you have perfected it! Well written, wonderful characters....can't stop reading! You are an extremely talented and witty writer and I hope your book goes far so the rest of the world can hear your story!
Best of luck!
Amanda

Kathryn Ferrier wrote 263 days ago

This book is such a delight. I am still laughing that Paul is a disappointment because he has not slain his first dragon. I got pulled into the plot within a few sentences. And traipsing through chapter four I can't stop. It flows so easily. I can find nothing to pick on. The creativity is rich, the characters are formed magnificently... this is a winner. No doubt about it - and placed on my shelf until it wins!
Kathi
Taylor Made

Clare B wrote 264 days ago

What a wonderfully, brilliant written book, the characters are wonderful. Such a creative, imaginative writer. This i beleive will be a hit. I wish you the sincerest of luck and will be backing. I would appreciate you reading a couple of chapters of be the human sunshine, a very small powerful pocket book of inspiration.

Many blessings Clare

Cas Meadowfield wrote 265 days ago

CHIRG
Loved the humour and the mad fast pace. It's a riveting read and thank you so much for sending me the end. You weave to two characters stories beautifully.
Ch1 if she has been chained to a table she wouldn't be able to walk all day... She would need to be carried... Or have sore feet?
Very funny. The gang is full of very strong but different characters
Is 'Passion' needed? Children won't understand...
Ch 2 where did the 'grooms' come from?
Great description of the battle... But where did the axe handles come from? Did the trolls have axes?
The ending 'I will teach you how to kill.' is dark!
Ch3 the description of Thenardier is funny.
Ch4 how sad...
Ch5 'sexy walk' ...what age are you aiming at?
Ch6 Lots of hints and possibilities
Ch12 loved the 'peach' .
Ch20 you're mother.. 'your'

Extra p 49 no he didn't replace the pea with a peach he put the peach under the top mattress. The queen showed the pea...

Hope this helps.
I really enjoyed reading this and it's top of my list to back .
Six Stars
Cas

Gypsy Mermaid wrote 266 days ago

Woot.... a winner for all ages! Must continue reading now.. looking for the Mermaid... wait there is a Mermaid right? *giggle
the Gypsy Mermaid
Sharing Smiles & Giggles

snakey1021 wrote 266 days ago

This is a very fun read. The title totally got my attention, but I was kinda expecting something of a cheap Princess & the Pea rip-off but boy was I mistaken. The characters were unique, fleshed out properly and utterly believable even in this world that is totally ridiculous it is superb. Since I'm new here, you surely set a high bar for comparison and if they rest of the authors are half as good as you are then I will cherish my time here. I'll be reading the whole book, hope you get the time to read mine - will need reads since I just posted chapters of mine. Thanks and I'm already a fan!

Ginger_Girl wrote 267 days ago

Very good book to read. Like your style.

Andy Benson wrote 267 days ago

Backing and reading your book. Very good.

Julie_Undead wrote 268 days ago

You have created a world here that begs you to get lost in it. It is classic fairy tale in the best sense of the word...one I can imagine my great grandchildren reading to their children. I want to hold it in a tattered old binding that smells like it has been in a dozen different attics and basements. You have charismatic, highly developed characters, a world of magical proportion and bewitching storytelling ability that makes me want to carry a copy of this book around in my purse. Unbelievable. 6 stars.

--Julie
Running Home

BillyD wrote 268 days ago

The Princess and the Peach YALF/YARG/CHIRG Review:

Benedict, this is really great stuff. Near perfection. Your book is highly deserving of everything that’s good and I look forward to my children enjoying this (book and movie)! You are very talented and it is an honor to be able to read and review your work.

I must say each and every page I have read so far has caused my to laugh/smile. This is so enjoyable of a read I can just read on and on and on.

Here is a silly review for you to take or leave as you please. I hope something I see can be helpful in some little way. But, honestly...you don’t need me!

I wish you all the best with your work.
Sincerely - David I. Billingham (The Life Inside Maggie Pincus)

Ch 1, pg 1:
Sense of humor wonderful. Reminds me of Robin Hood/Princess Bride feel to it.

I am hearing a male voice coming from our main (girl) character. This could just be me reading it though.

Ch 1, pg 2:
You are building up the emotions very nicely here. The chapter ends with the reader feeling empathetic with the sense of finally feeling at home. Well done. I now feel more connected to the ‘girl’ in your main character.

I am loving the green goo of the piled up bodies of trolls...exactly what one would expect in this situation! :) Imagery great!

Bart the Great is showing us more of his powerful leadership side...helping the reader to see exactly why he IS the leader of the group.

Ch 1, pg 3:

I love this line: ‘My body was changing like it was trying to give me away’.

I also love how she is trying to present more boyish by keeping mud on her face and clothes dirty. haha. There are just some idiosyncrasies that make perfect sense.

The end ‘Then third, most importantly, I will teach you how to kill.’ haha. This is what Bart thinks is most important to learn as a girl. We are seeing even more here about this story and where it’s heading.

You gotta love her name too. Christopher. Very cute quirky piece in the story. Great!

Ch 2, pg 1:

LOL - ‘Her only trouble was that her grandmother was a wicked witch...’ haha. It’s great how you have created this fairy tale world in a way that makes it feel real.

In my desperation to find any suggestions, I could only find a minor grammatical error. But, I am NO genius so take it as you wish. The paragraph that begins “Paul, you are not taking this seriously.....” The end should have a comma after ‘kiss a few frogs,” Mother said.

‘The fact that we live in a palace with see-through walls....’ hahaha. Witty indeed.

Paragraph beginning “You know, Your Majesties,...” Didn’t know but does Your need to be capitalized?

Also “Hmm..We’ll see,” - Does We’ll need to be capitalized?

Paragraph beginning: ‘ They decided that the only....” - is one hundred per cent genuine supposed to be one-hundred-percent-genuine? Also same paragraph: ‘her husband swiftly replied, “Mumble....” Should that be lower case mumble?

Ch 2, pg 2:
should Children be lower case? “...turn to Mother and say, “Children....”

That’s a great line too by the way! ha! “...and preferably locked in their bedrooms” haha.

I am really enjoying the glass walls in the palace. It’s just so good and you are using them with your imagery very well. It never gets old.

2 things: #1. I wonder if ‘bedroom’ should be ‘chamber’ and #2. ‘palace’ should be ‘castle’. Silly little things that perhaps will make no difference at all. Just a thought. I apologise for the pettiness.

“Not now, dear,” my mother said, brushing him aside. “Mummy’s busy.” After ‘aside’ - a comma?

‘as I practiced my sexy walk...” (haha!)

And now we also discover the Queen’s witchy talent of speaking with her mind. Brilliant!

All the very best to you! ~ David

Kate LaRue wrote 268 days ago

YALF/YARG

Chapter 4
This is a royal family that readers can love to hate-the vicious Queen, the fashion-obsessed King, the younger brother scheming to off Paul, and Paul himself, who is pompous enough to fit his nickname, Prince Pants. Paul had to grow on me throughout the course of the book, but that doesn't mean his voice isn't enjoyable to read. I love his interpretations of Maberly's sighs and grunts.

I'm not sure if this is a mistake or if I'm just reading it wrong, but in the paragraph beginning 'On my thirteenth birthday...' Paul explains the dilemma with all the princesses with funny hats and accents, then says 'Fifteen years old and I was already beating the babes off...' Should fifteen be thirteen?

Chapter 5
Paul's internal dialogue when he is meeting the princesses is hilarious as is the way he stumbles through his greetings. I'm not sure if his awareness of falling under Lorena's spell works for me. He mentions himself being under her spell, his father and mother falling under her spell, his not noticing how rude she is to the others (if he can say that he didn't notice it, then he did notice it, didn't he?). The bedroom scene might be a bit much for your intended audience.

Chapter 6
This is a great scene with Lorena showing her true colors. Auntie Barbara is great, with her insistence that she once had a baby girl. Of course we are meant to think of Christina. Could she really be related to this crazy family?

This really is quite well-written and enjoyable to read. I have read the entire upload a while back and liked the shifting POV, especially as we get to see Paul's skewed interpretations of Christina's looks. There are twists and turns throughout that pull the reader along at a quick pace. I've given this six stars.

Kate

Kirstie wrote 268 days ago

YALF Review
This is told with a great comic voice. The humour never feels forced but comes across as natural and very funny.
Chapter One
The story has a great tragicomic opening and provides a great hook. The old man’s repetition of ‘That’s right’ is a simple but brilliant comic touch.
I like the introduction of characters in this chapter. You have successfully developed a range of clearly identifiable characters. I could imagine Jonny Depp playing Bart in the film version!
As regards the sexism issues, I think you should definitely use the term women and children rather than wives and children. Chrissie provides a good feisty heroine though.
For me the huge fan joke is a bit of a cliche and doesn’t meet your usual standards
Chapter Two
Again this is full of great humour. I’m having to resist the temptation to list all my favourite lines.
If I am being really picky, I think that the sentence ‘if you offer a troll-‘ shouldn’t end with ‘they’ll do it’ as that is a plural.
Giant lime jellies makes me think of something nice and sweet which I am not sure is what you are aiming for in describing the trolls!
‘A child’s pig bladder football’ again, being ridiculously picky, I don’t think you need to say child’s. It sounds a bit odd in a book for children and isn’t really necessary.
I agree that I would have liked to see the women a bit more involved in the battle.
Just a thought, but couldn’t one of the gang members be changed to a woman without too much trouble – you don’t necessarily need to add another character or change the characters personality, just their gender.
Chapter Three
I love Bart’s insistence on Christopher – hilarious.
‘People who wanted nothing more than my happiness’ seems a bit strong. I’m not sure anyone is quite that self-sacrificing.
‘I’d rather be a man like you or a mother like Gerry’ – I understand that Chrissie’s lack of experience may mean she believes that being a mother is the only option for a woman and also the setting of the story suggests this may be true and I presume that later on, you give Chrissie the opportunity to be a woman in her own right. However, I think a comment to indicate that manhood or motherhood are not the only two options in life would be good here.
I adore the last paragraph of this chapter, etiquette, sophistication and how to kill – brilliant!
Chapter Four
The description of how the pea tradition was developed is great.
The King and Queen are strong characters. I like the queen’s rages and her tendency to be wicked to get her way. The King’s vanity is good too. Perhaps you could give him a redeeming quality to balance his vapidness.
‘My family and other vegetables’ is hilarious. It might be lost on younger readers but adults reading to children will love you for it.
Paul’s voice is delightfully cynical and provides a good contrast to Chrissie who seems eager to see the good in life despite her difficult upbringing. I can’t wait for them to meet.
Chapter Five
‘Smouldering as mysteriously as the distant sun in a winters sky’ is a lovely description.
‘Continental buffest of ladies’ – this line made me hate Paul!
Nice alliteration in ‘’softness of their silken dresses so close to their silken skins’
‘I hadn’t even noticed how rude she was being to the other princesses’ seems unnecessary. You have made a great job of showing that already.
Lorena is nicely wicked.
Chapter Six
‘Barbara continued and we continued to ignore hre’ the close repetition of continued is a bit clunky
‘Hair of a hair model’ seems a bit weak.
Auntie Barb had a baby girl who they took away – my mind is racing ahead and wondering if this might have something to do with Chrissie?
Chapter Seven
Perhaps ‘my nerves were as tight as piano wires’?
Very dramatic fight scene, well written and clear. I often find fight scenes long and boring and lose track of what is going on, but you write them beautifully.
This chapter shows Chrissie’s development and the passing of years nicely.
Chapter Eight
This chapter had me on the edge of my seat it was so exciting. It’s possibly not strictly necessary to the story (or maybe it is and I just don’t know it yet) but it provides a break from the other storylines and adds to our understanding of Bart.
Chapter Nine
Like the present of the ring
You don’t need the line’ it was not, after all, a piece of jewellery’ you have clearly shown that with the previous dialogue.
Great chapter ending – you have been leading up to this well. There is a switch of narrators in the next chapter too so you leave the reader hanging wondering what Chrissie’s reaction will be.
So far I am enjoying this complex, multi layered and hilarious story. I really like the two narrators. Chrissie seems to be developing form a rather passive character to one much more in charge of her own fate.

Tantalus wrote 268 days ago

Highly imaginative. Top o' the Children's and YA fantasy class.

Grey Muir wrote 269 days ago

YALF Review
YALF review.
The Princess and the Peach, by Benedict Brown
Hi Benedict,
I read the first 5 chapters of your novel. The story is excellent. It makes me think of “the Princess Bride”. Good amusing characters, fast pace, and lots of humor. The Great Bart’s slow response to the troll attack was a nice touch.
I will read some more. I am waiting to see if Princess Lorena, having weaseled out the secret of the pea, gets the prince. I assume not. There is far more humorous options in some dismal failure, which I am eagerly looking forward to.

I have you on my bookshelf and hope you make the ED soon.

EllieMcG wrote 269 days ago

YALF 
This isn't going to be my best critique ever, because after 7 chapters, I'm finding it very hard to critique. The narrative and dialogue is peppered with hilarity. 
Story: It's funny, it's entertaining, and it's certainly worthy of it's high ranking (which will hopefully move higher still this week). The pace is right, and the writing is well-edited and very easy to read. 
Dialogue: is fantastic. The humour is dry, often sarcastic, and you've taken care to make us able to hear the variety of accents and lilts of the different characters. Really well done. 
Characterisation: the characters vary from rambunctious, to quirky, to contrary, to cynical, and even a constant panic-attack-suffering king. While I'd argue that a few are all bad, I like most that none of the main protagonists are all good - each has issues to resolve and develop. Paul needs to grow a backbone, Christopher needs to gain a bit of kindness and self-awareness. Both need to grow up a little - in the way that wants to make you watch them do so - the very best way. :) 
All this said, I've got very little to add to what hasn't already been said - I tried not to repeat any crits, but in particular, I think Adele and Lucy have made some great points. Here's the few things that stood out to me: 
Chapter 2: 

I absolutely hate them with all my heart - I feel like this would be more effective without "with all my heart"

there was nothing short of (THE)divine will that could stop them

Chapter 6:

Grrrr,” I said, finally accepting defeat - this... Could be funnier. I think. 

Chapter 7:
 I desperately tried to keep moving for fear they might surround and trap me.  - for sme reason, I think this would be better as: "Desperately, I kept moving, for fear they would surround me and trap me" - but also, in this portion of the chapter, I find you begin a lot of sentences with "I" - you may want to watch our for that in your action scenes.

Ok, hopefully some of that is useful (or at least, ego-boosting):
Ellie