Still Waters

Dear Chris

This is an extraordinary, gripping, moving, troubling story and I take my hat off to you for telling it in the first place and also for the way you do this.

Your sparse, direct and unfussy prose, combined with an unflinching authenticity make for a devastating portrayal of a boy's appalling childhood. Not since Bud in Terence Davies' 'The Long Day Closes' have I felt so much anguish over someone’s coming of age. You paint a bleak universe in looming monochrome from which only the odd cheerful 'hello' of a friend's mother and the ordered sanity of Michael's world - which may as well be on a different planet to Samuel's - offer the occasional ray of hope or reprieve.

Reading Still Waters is not just 'uncomfortable', as your modest advisory notice warns, it is downright painful. But for all the right reasons: between every one of the 33 chapters on here I felt like coming up for air, not wanting to go back down again, but knowing that I had to: Samuel and his quiet plight demanded it. Over and over again I found myself shouting out loud at his mother, to get a grip, to give him some love, some attention, some human warmth and kindness; again and again I wanted to do as he wants: get rid of Billy, make him go away, make him disappear, if need be by stabbing a knife through his stinking body.

Whenever I see in film or read in a book the story of a 'troubled childhood', I get the hoobles myself. I know there are dreadful things about to happen and I want to stop them from happening, but I can't, because they're already there: they've already been put on the screen or written down on the page. And for a reason. Because much as I'd like to shut my eyes to these lives, I can't, because I know that even today, there will be dozens, maybe hundreds, I fear thousands of children in this country alone going through the kind of hell you describe.

I got to the end of what's on here and I hope, I so hope that Samuel finds at the end of this long, grim path a garden of peace and some joy, that he emerges from what he’s been through to a gentler, friendlier place with people in it who are worthy of his trust.

It seems churlish to even mention that there's still the odd typo in your script; who cares, in a way: if a publisher - be it Harper Collins or anyone else - picks it up it will get proofread anyway, and if you're thinking of publishing it yourself, have it proofed by a friend; I don't think it wants editing as such; there are just a few corrections to be made here and there.

I wish you all the very best with this, Chris. Clearly it belongs on people's shelves, both virtual and real, and somehow I feel Samuel (and his little sister) belong into all our consciousness: yours is the kind of story that may not stay untold.

All the best
Sebastian

Chris - I salute a brother writer. You know this territory, you take us there with brutal clarity, and the deceptive simplicity of your style only underlines for me how very close this is to reality for some children. I will write in more detail soon. For now - six stars, and a shelving soon. If you have time, please look at 'Micka' to see where our creative paths cross. A fine achievement. Frances K

Hi Chris,
I thought this was brilliant. I love the way you build the tension slowly but surely in these opening chapters (I read 1-3). I admire the way you flesh out the character of Sam so subtly through action and event and the way Mom gets increasingly short-tempered. The scene with Mr Peterson and the rain outside is beautifully written, and I could feel a sense of suspense through it which I'm not sure you intended but it's very powerful if you did! The symbolism of the pinned insects is fantastic (used to brilliant effect in Susan Hill's "I'm the King of the Castle" which you might find interesting if you have the time to read it) and I kept feeling through that scene that something terrible was going to happen to Sam. And I guess it is... but later.
The pace is perfect and there is a good balance of dialogue, feelings and description.
Sam is a lovely first person narrator. Felt really in his shoes and that it was a 'nice' place to be. Quirky first person narratives seem very much in fashion these days, and I'm glad this wasn't one of them. Sam has my sympathy from the outset, you've done that subtly and well with no emotional blackmail!
I really loved this.
I have given you six stars and will try to clear some shelf space.
All the best,
Sharda.
We were doing a reading swap. Not sure mine bears comparison, but here's the link anyhow...
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Hi Chris,

I've read the first chapter of your novel and it's definitely my kind of book. It reads more like a biography, but I think that's to your advantage. Reminded me very much of At Swim, Two Boys in some respects. I love the character's of Sam and Tez. Michael is also an interesting figure to say the least.

I think you tell the story exceptionally well, it both engaged and captivated my attention. You've written quite a lengthy opening chapter, but at no point did I want to stop reading. There are some very nice touches especially with Michael's insect collection, the near bicycle miss, the pet discussion etc.

Nothing seemed out of place, overlooked or irrelevant. Some stories get bogged down with too much information and excessive background details; that isn't evident here. You have a real sense of flow and pacing. Your dialogue (despite there being a lot of conversation) is kept snappy, as well as thoughtful.

Sometimes it's easy to pick up grammatical mistakes in a story you don't really enjoy. Whilst reading yours I didn't want to look for mistakes, because quite simply, it's very, very readable. Others might be put off by the subject matter (and I have a few suspicions already); my opinion is that it takes courage to address difficult issues.

I felt that I could really root/feel for Sam's character, in light of moving to a new place and having an alcoholic mother. I'd be intrigued to see how his friendship with Tez develops and whether (or not) Michael is the kind of character he's made out to be. This is really excellent writing! Backed and very highly starred!

Ben

Sam captured my heart from the first paragraph. What a delightful narrator.

The only critic I'd make in that opening section would be the over-use of the word rain. You used it in some places where it wasn't even needed. Large droplets run down my face and neck – would have been enough.

They way you brought the characters together and the interaction between them was really natural. The dialogue too, spot on. Particularly liked the scene with Mr Peterson and his insects.

The drop back to the past in chapter two was neatly done without really going into flashback. The only thing which seemed to be missing was Sam's reaction to the return of Billy. The way I've interpreted his personage made me pretty sure he'd have had one and been at least mentally verbose about it even if he didn't say anything outloud.

Have read through to the end of three and will be reading more. Once I've finished reading Breath of Africa, you'll be my lunchtime read... so catch up with you again at the end of next week.

Hello Chris,

A strong first chapter ending with a foreboding sense that worse things will come. I really feel for Sam. Your sparse writing is beautiful and efficient. It brings out the bleakness of the situation. I will keep reading.

Christine

Hi Chris I am not the best person to comment on your story I am not a writer I wrote my story as a kind of therapy and it was the hardest thing I have done. it is not a patch on your writing the way you put the reader right there with Samuel feeling his pain through his innocence of not knowing whats being done to him the indifference of his mother to his well being while she wallows in self pity and alcohol but then again she is only human and nobody knows what took her to drink ? we all have a story to tell and yours has brought me to tears. I read up to the 17th chapter and will read it all when time allows. I do hope this book gets published it needs to be and deserves to be. Regards Phil.

Christopher, my promised read.

To be honest with you that due to the subject matter, I would not have read this if I had not promised I would. However, I am so glad that I did as this is exceptionally written. I loved the references to highballs as the storyline continues, as a unique way of portraying Sam’s level of emotion at that moment.

There is a perfect interweave of back-story and natural dialogue, at no time did I feel there was an information dump. Sam’s recollections of the day his mother apparently had a breakdown when they lived in Newbridge was perfectly illustrated from a young child’s pov and how a young boy would have interpreted witnessing such an event.

Chapter two gave the reader a greater sense of what Sam is struggling with daily as through the short narratives and genuine dialogue, we see a clearer image of his mother and her personal demons.

Chapter three, the only time I stumbled was the use of the word colouring used in close succession, perhaps the second one could be changed to ...asked if I’d colour with her.’

Chapter four, The conversation in the play area was so vivid and natural that I felt I was there listening to the boys speak. I had a good laugh over their discussion of ‘sterilization’ as this is exactly how boys their age would envision it to be. The scene and conversation at the canal reminded me of the movie, Stand by Me, again this was very well described through the spontaneous flowing dialogue and conversation subject matter.

Chapter five, The dialogue again is very strong and completely realistic. Tez’s questions to Sam about his mother and Sam’s brief answers and then his avoidance and subject change were extremely well written, exactly as a child like Sam would have responded.

Chapter six, A very emotionally packed chapter as the reader becomes fully engaged in the action. The ending was rather disturbing to me so this is where I left off. I will drop back and read further but since your writing is very emotionally charged this was all I could handle in one reading.

Excellent work and high stars, thank you for inviting me to read this.

Chapter 3 - first para. I didn't get the line "send away if you want". The next para, I wasn't sure who was opening the coloring book. The way it's written, it's the MC, but then Sissy smiles and wants to know if the MC wants to color - maybe it's just me, but it was a little confusing to me. Later on - A missing comma: "Sissy, now bored with colouring (insert comma here) crawls..." I thought the first sentence, in the last para, was a bit of a run on sentence that could easily be made into 2 and read better. Hope at least one of these helps. :)

DB

Chris,

I'm through 2 chapters now and the only suggestion that I have is a bit of physical discription for you characters. You don't have to go overboard, like I tend to, but you could offer up something like " Billy, lying spread eagle across the settee, with his bloated gut spilling out of his shirt..." However, this may just be one of the differences between American and British authors. I haven't found many on this site that adequately (in my opinon) describe their characters to give me the mental picture I'd like. Take that for what it's worth - it was free! I'll continue to read and offer up more freebees that you can do with as you like. :)

DB

Riveting read. Kudos
tyler adams The Paths We Chose

Still Waters-Christopher Tiller
Hi Chris,
The writing on your profile is a clear indication of your writing talent. I just read your first 5 chapters and I found myself inside a young boy's mind, trying to deal with the unpleasant circumstances of his life. An unaffectionate, frustrated mother with a drinking problem, a young sister who seeks his love and company, a step-father who exercises violence, dismal council estate surroundings, and the still waters of the canal. So far, probably the best things that have happened in his life are his friendships with Mr Petersen and Tez. Your writing, in Sam's voice, is brilliant, flowing, and moving, yet accomplished with a great austerity of style, without any frills. Wonderful, WListed and highly starred. Best wishes, Sebnem-The Child of Heaven

Bloody hell, Chris, I don't know where to start. Not many books-- particualrly fiction-- reduce me to tears. Yours certainly did. As daft as it sounds, my arms ached to hug Sam as I read. So, I've read the lot and am hoping there's more? If not, you better get your finger out and get this completed because you have a very powerful book on your hands, here.

I've noticed you say on the forum that people have mentioned getting confused with the scenes and how they switch in time. I didn't have a problem with it whatsoever. Have you only recently added the headers? I think it works very well; not once did I have to go back and see what was going on, etc. The short, choppy scenes work extremely well with this sort of book. To get glimpses of Sam's life before, whilst following him in the present, made me feel closer to him somehow. You get a deeper sense of his past and what he's been through whilst still rooting and worrying about him in the present.

Right, the characters. First, I want to say what a fantastic job you've done with Michael. I thought he was going to end up being the abuser, in the first chapter. He has a slightly creepy edge to him but it turns out to be unfounded; he's a haven for Sam. The scenes where Sam goes to Wales, the way you express the young lad's feelings as he's walking on the beach with Sally, etc, are brilliantly done. You can almost feel his happiness, how serene and calm he is there. Yet there's an underlying worry that he'll have to go home again soon and it hurts to hear him wishing he didn't have to. Michael and Paul's relationship sounded very natural and I liked Paul's quip with his 'coke'. Was that a hint as to why he and Michael split up? Great job.

Sissy and Sam have a lovely relationship. There's a part when Sam get's home from his first trip to Wales and the mother gets bored listening to him and tells him to go out so she can spend time with Sissy. Now, he'd have every reason to be resentful and jealous of his sister, but he isn't. He worships her. The time he spends keeping her occupied with colouring in, etc, are to keep her quiet so as not to disturb the mother, but you also get a very clear picture of his love for her. He wants to protect her. So when she died-- wow, that was a shock!

Obviously, some parts of this were difficult to read. You've done a fantastic job with Billy (I thought some of my characters were bastards-- they're pussy cats compared to yours!). His actions themselves would have been enough for us to loathe him but you give him more depth by the weirdness of him whilst abusing Sam. That he tells him to pretend he's asleep/dead during the acts and his obsession with being called Dad; it makes him a whole lot more detestable, if that's possible. It was Sam's relationship with his mother-- or lack of it-- that broke my heart. The few instances when he watches her sleeping and longs to lie next to her and give her a hug had me in tears. Despite everything she's done, the misery she's brought to his life, he still craves her affection. It's hard to read. The way she is with Sam is sickening. She's obviously capable of love as is shown with the way she is with Sissy, yet there's not a shred of feeling for Sam. There is one instance when she defends him against Billy, when Sam's asking about his uniform, that made me sit up, wide eyed, wondering if finally, she was waking up and was going to start showing a little concern for Sam. Then she starts again, blaming him for the arguments between her and Billy, and my heart sank-- great job!

I love the scenes where Sam's with his friends. John's a good mate and Joanna and Carrie are very believable-- he doesn't have much luck with the females in his life, does he? The big question is: what happened with Midge and Billy? I think I can guess but will this be explained later? Tez and his family are quite nice and I loved how you showed the contrast between Tez and Sam's home life. I thought something had happened when Tez went missing and was sure Sam would get in a whole lot of trouble, both by his friend's family and his own. Although Tez was found, did something happen to him? You mention he doesn't seem himself, etc...

Sam has an extremely soft, caring side to his nature that's very surprising considering his upbringing. You've done an exceptional job with him, Chris, you really have. His concern for Joey in the woods, his love for Sissy, even his compassion towards his mother-- he's a lovely young lad. Yet several instances show that he's not a pushover. Shouting 'Stupid fat bastard' to Midge's dad, pushing Ian in the canal, finally standing up to Billy when he's shouting at his mum and going at him with the knife; there's clearly another side to Sam that's slowly emerging and I for one was glad to see it. It'll be intersting to see his character develop throughout the rest of the book.

The arrival of Janet and Carl had me excited; I thought they'd discover what was going on and rescue Sam, etc. The revelation of Sam's mum's past was well done and gave us an insight into why she may be the way she is with her son. The only thing that niggled a little for me was the apparent ease with which Sam forms the relationship with Michael, then later with Arthur. You mention his wariness whenever Michael touches him etc, but other than that, he doesn't seem overly concerned about what these strangers might do to him, surprising considering his experiences with Billy. I'd have thought he'd be terrified to get close to any man after what he's been through.

You have a knack for descriptions. The squalor is vividly described and so is the scenes at the beach; you have a keen eye for detail. Although after a while I stopped noticing errors, this could do with an edit. They are mainly punctuation issues. There are a lot of question marks in places when there shouldn't be and a lot of misused semi-colons. Capitalised words when they should be lower case are also an issue but there's nothing here that an ironing out wouldn't fix. It's sound structure wise and the plot is tight. I jotted down a few misspellings:

When Tez is putting his socks on, it says bear feet instead of bare.
Sam's mum's face taught instead of taut.
Ian went balmy instead of barmy.
Billy saying that's where are friends are instead of our friends are.
Sissy leaning on the cill instead of sill and swinging her legs too and throw instead of to and fro.
Hurst at Sissy's funeral - should this be hearse?
Janet talking through grit teeth instead of gritted.

I also think the words written in capitals-- when people are shouting, etc-- should be written in italics instead. They seem a bit clunky the way they are.

There's not much more to say. I absolutely loved this book (although I feel a little guilty for saying that!) and I think you're on to a winner with it. You've got into the mind of this young lad brilliantly, the thoughts and language-- everything's spot on. Love the highballs, too, great way for him to explain his fears. I'd buy this in a heart beat. I have to know what's to become of Sam, particularly with the hint of him self harming, etc. And does he finally do Billy in?

Six stars and a well earned place on my shelf at the next shuffle. All the best with this, Chris, and good luck with getting it published. You're an exceptional writer. Well done.

What a fantastic review. Thank you very much. I’m so glad you enjoyed this tale, if enjoyed is the right word of course. I have tried to answer your queries and niggles, but if you don’t feel they are reasonable responses, and affect the story, please let me know. I think it is good to leave the reader guessing over small issues, as it makes them think about the story.
Regarding what happened with Midge and Billy, I decided to leave this open to the imagination of the reader, who already knows the behaviour of Billy.
After this scene, I was considering having Midge disappear, with a police investigation and a suspected ‘runaway’ case. With the wild imagination and mention of ‘dead bodies’ in the canal by the group of children, it may have lead the reader to wonder if Midge had been done in by Billy, and the body disposed of.
I decided not to take this route as I thought it might be too much and veer the story away from gritty reality, which I wanted to portray, though I still wonder would it have made a better read?
Regarding What you say here - The only thing that niggled a little for me was the apparent ease with which Sam forms the relationship with Michael, then later with Arthur - his wariness whenever Michael touches him etc, he doesn't seem overly concerned about what these strangers might do to him, surprising considering his experiences with Billy. I'd have thought he'd be terrified to get close to any man after what he's been through.
To answer - At this stage, Sam’s pretty naive and more than anything, craves affection and friendship. Through his mother’s previous relationships, he knows not all men are like Billy, and Billy’s cruel, always has been, but Michael’s nice. So Michael can’t be like Billy, can he? Michael cares, he’s nice to me, so is Arthur.
It’s how Sam reasons, but he is still weary, hence his body language when Michael gets too close.
The grammatical mistakes. Oops. I’ll get right on them straight away. I did get a bit carried away with question marks and semi-colons.
The novel is complete, and the remainder is available for anyone to read if they wish. Just let me know, and I’ll be more than happy to email the final chapters.
Again, a huge thank you for your comments. They have been most helpful.

Chris.

Bloody hell, Chris, I don't know where to start. Not many books-- particualrly fiction-- reduce me to tears. Yours certainly did. As daft as it sounds, my arms ached to hug Sam as I read. So, I've read the lot and am hoping there's more? If not, you better get your finger out and get this completed because you have a very powerful book on your hands, here.

I've noticed you say on the forum that people have mentioned getting confused with the scenes and how they switch in time. I didn't have a problem with it whatsoever. Have you only recently added the headers? I think it works very well; not once did I have to go back and see what was going on, etc. The short, choppy scenes work extremely well with this sort of book. To get glimpses of Sam's life before, whilst following him in the present, made me feel closer to him somehow. You get a deeper sense of his past and what he's been through whilst still rooting and worrying about him in the present.

Right, the characters. First, I want to say what a fantastic job you've done with Michael. I thought he was going to end up being the abuser, in the first chapter. He has a slightly creepy edge to him but it turns out to be unfounded; he's a haven for Sam. The scenes where Sam goes to Wales, the way you express the young lad's feelings as he's walking on the beach with Sally, etc, are brilliantly done. You can almost feel his happiness, how serene and calm he is there. Yet there's an underlying worry that he'll have to go home again soon and it hurts to hear him wishing he didn't have to. Michael and Paul's relationship sounded very natural and I liked Paul's quip with his 'coke'. Was that a hint as to why he and Michael split up? Great job.

Sissy and Sam have a lovely relationship. There's a part when Sam get's home from his first trip to Wales and the mother gets bored listening to him and tells him to go out so she can spend time with Sissy. Now, he'd have every reason to be resentful and jealous of his sister, but he isn't. He worships her. The time he spends keeping her occupied with colouring in, etc, are to keep her quiet so as not to disturb the mother, but you also get a very clear picture of his love for her. He wants to protect her. So when she died-- wow, that was a shock!

Obviously, some parts of this were difficult to read. You've done a fantastic job with Billy (I thought some of my characters were bastards-- they're pussy cats compared to yours!). His actions themselves would have been enough for us to loathe him but you give him more depth by the weirdness of him whilst abusing Sam. That he tells him to pretend he's asleep/dead during the acts and his obsession with being called Dad; it makes him a whole lot more detestable, if that's possible. It was Sam's relationship with his mother-- or lack of it-- that broke my heart. The few instances when he watches her sleeping and longs to lie next to her and give her a hug had me in tears. Despite everything she's done, the misery she's brought to his life, he still craves her affection. It's hard to read. The way she is with Sam is sickening. She's obviously capable of love as is shown with the way she is with Sissy, yet there's not a shred of feeling for Sam. There is one instance when she defends him against Billy, when Sam's asking about his uniform, that made me sit up, wide eyed, wondering if finally, she was waking up and was going to start showing a little concern for Sam. Then she starts again, blaming him for the arguments between her and Billy, and my heart sank-- great job!

I love the scenes where Sam's with his friends. John's a good mate and Joanna and Carrie are very believable-- he doesn't have much luck with the females in his life, does he? The big question is: what happened with Midge and Billy? I think I can guess but will this be explained later? Tez and his family are quite nice and I loved how you showed the contrast between Tez and Sam's home life. I thought something had happened when Tez went missing and was sure Sam would get in a whole lot of trouble, both by his friend's family and his own. Although Tez was found, did something happen to him? You mention he doesn't seem himself, etc...

Sam has an extremely soft, caring side to his nature that's very surprising considering his upbringing. You've done an exceptional job with him, Chris, you really have. His concern for Joey in the woods, his love for Sissy, even his compassion towards his mother-- he's a lovely young lad. Yet several instances show that he's not a pushover. Shouting 'Stupid fat bastard' to Midge's dad, pushing Ian in the canal, finally standing up to Billy when he's shouting at his mum and going at him with the knife; there's clearly another side to Sam that's slowly emerging and I for one was glad to see it. It'll be intersting to see his character develop throughout the rest of the book.

The arrival of Janet and Carl had me excited; I thought they'd discover what was going on and rescue Sam, etc. The revelation of Sam's mum's past was well done and gave us an insight into why she may be the way she is with her son. The only thing that niggled a little for me was the apparent ease with which Sam forms the relationship with Michael, then later with Arthur. You mention his wariness whenever Michael touches him etc, but other than that, he doesn't seem overly concerned about what these strangers might do to him, surprising considering his experiences with Billy. I'd have thought he'd be terrified to get close to any man after what he's been through.

You have a knack for descriptions. The squalor is vividly described and so is the scenes at the beach; you have a keen eye for detail. Although after a while I stopped noticing errors, this could do with an edit. They are mainly punctuation issues. There are a lot of question marks in places when there shouldn't be and a lot of misused semi-colons. Capitalised words when they should be lower case are also an issue but there's nothing here that an ironing out wouldn't fix. It's sound structure wise and the plot is tight. I jotted down a few misspellings:

When Tez is putting his socks on, it says bear feet instead of bare.
Sam's mum's face taught instead of taut.
Ian went balmy instead of barmy.
Billy saying that's where are friends are instead of our friends are.
Sissy leaning on the cill instead of sill and swinging her legs too and throw instead of to and fro.
Hurst at Sissy's funeral - should this be hearse?
Janet talking through grit teeth instead of gritted.

I also think the words written in capitals-- when people are shouting, etc-- should be written in italics instead. They seem a bit clunky the way they are.

There's not much more to say. I absolutely loved this book (although I feel a little guilty for saying that!) and I think you're on to a winner with it. You've got into the mind of this young lad brilliantly, the thoughts and language-- everything's spot on. Love the highballs, too, great way for him to explain his fears. I'd buy this in a heart beat. I have to know what's to become of Sam, particularly with the hint of him self harming, etc. And does he finally do Billy in?

Six stars and a well earned place on my shelf at the next shuffle. All the best with this, Chris, and good luck with getting it published. You're an exceptional writer. Well done.

You tell a very intriguing tale. I've enjoyed what I've read. You make the reader comfortable in Sam's head. The details, the thoughts seem right on for the boy. Reading stories about young teenagers is what I love to read, and this was right up my alley. It's also what I write about. Your writing is very smooth, and the scenes are realistic. I felt the rain in the opening scene! I'm giving you 6 stars and putting you on my WL. Good luck with this! i think you have a good chance of making it to the desk. hang in there. This is where Autho will test your mettle and see what you are made of. Hang in there! Roller coaster rides are scary, but in the end, exhilerating (if you make it to the end!)

Sincerely,
Donna
Jessup and the Teleporter

Chris:
I read nearly all you have uploaded. I see now what was happening with chapter seven. This is a very good work but I have to say and I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination, that the flashbacks and the events out of sequence is distracting and it takes away from the power of the story. The jumping back and forth had me trying to figure out what was going on. Just a thought. I enjoyed the read.
Shirley

Chris:
I have read up to chapter 10 of your book. This is a very painful read. I think anyone who was abused as a child will find this an uncomfortable story for them and that is a compliment! It's good, very good. What a wonderful little boy and what undeserving parents. Just to be allowed to grow up and be the sweet innocent children that they are meant to be. Too often this DOES NOT HAPPEN. I was touched at the children talking about "getting rid of it". Again touched at the fact that they know too much and have been robbed of their innocence. How unfortunate when a child realizes he or she is not necessary for a parents happiness. How stupid not to understand that a child is a wonderful gift. Children sometimes look around and see their friends are not raised in this manner. This does not seem to be the case with your MC as all his friends seem to be in the same boat basically. What a disgusting piece of garbage is Billy and you do well to bring the reader in to want to strangle him. Your descriptions and imagery is good or better than good and we see what is coming but hope we are wrong. I could go on and on with this. I read some of your other comments and I looked again to see if I was wrong but I think chapter seven is out of place as he is telling the boy something(not to give it away) and then it jumps over and picks up on chapter eight back to that particular scene. I did not see this in any of your comments so maybe I am missing something here. I saw some minor errors but very minor. I can promise you I will back this and soon.
Shirley Grace
The Devil's Stepchild

Okay, I've read up to chapter 13 -this is a very compelling read and I hope, with help, you get it published one day. I still find the switching confusing. I like the way you write in the present tense but be careful not to suddenly switch tenses -you do that in chapter 13 when you say he made his mum a cup of tea.
Anyway, well done and good luck

I'm very confused about the names changing from Sissy to Meg and Megan -is this the little sister? I thought he must have two sisters the first time I read Meg. Also the flashbacks are confusing and you might want to rethink the way you do them. The story flows well enough to keep me reading for 7 chapters which is unusual for me on this site. Obviously there are editing errors -commas missed everywhere and so on. It's a very readable style abd has potential.Keep working on it.
Olivia Hope

Actually, thinking more on it: consider the potential impact of rearranging the first chapter? To me, the end should be your beginning and then you could work backward from there, providing character development...just a thought.

You can write, my duck, no doubts there. For my tastes, the story starts too slowly though. - I connect immediately with Sam (good), but you lose me meandering through bugs and such (and I like bugs). There's a feeling of a series of still life scenes that are very well constructed but (for me), leave me in want of a gripping EVENT. Voice, you certainly have and probably Story, too. Now...to perfect plot? I did not feel compelled to read this further but acknowledge your considerable talent. Would certainly be interested in anything else you do, and please remember, these are just the first impressions of a cranky old bird. .

Chris. This took me in right from the first chapter. You have anumber of characters to contend with but you have described them well. The flow of the premise is brilliant and I found myself unable to walk away from it. You use the characters well and at the right time which suits and fits the book. So well done with this and I will be watching from the side lines to see how this done.Big stars from me.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or Watch List wont you? Happy New Year. Sean

Dear Christopher,

there's no need for me to tell you what a wonderful story you've written, as you have enough comments to that effect. I just want to thank you for asking me to take a look at your book. I did. I read all 33 chapters in one go. That says it all, I think. Absolutely brilliant.

Big hug and of course, I'll back your book!

Ame
Wolfmother

Well, hell, do I possess words for this?! I honestly don't think so. It's gripping from the first paragraph. I can't really say anything that hasn't been said VVV down there. Plus, I'm running seriously short on time. Basically, great writing. You got me to start this, so I think I'm going to continue^_^

Very moving and beautifully written. I will definitely read it til the end! :)

Still Waters

Chris,
This first chapter gives me 'the hoobles'. It is dark and every line seems to speak of some deeper evil lurking in the shadows. Sam's existence is bleak, and you've expertly woven in enough back story to make the reader wonder what his family came from and if they've really escaped their past.

Wonderfully written and high stars.
Kate

Hey Chris,

I really love your story! It's very moving. It drew in my attention as well as my emotions. I give you high stars! A story like this needs to be on the editor's desk :)

Hi Chris

These are difficult subjects to write about but disturbing issues are dealt with with sensitivity and devastating realism.. Your characters are built up steadily and supported by brilliant dialogue, Superb stuff Very well done.

you deserve to find success

Susanna
Eccles Cake Collection

Still Waters

I'm really worried for Sam when he goes into Mr Peterson's house. Maybe he ends up being just a nice, considerate neighbour, but with the highballs, the stress is already in the air, and then you have the creepy old man being too kind to a young boy... and showing him his creepy bug collection and offering him bugs, books, and a tank... it just all seems too creepy. But nothing happens... at least not yet.
I like the relationship between Tez and Sam, it's good that he's found a neighbour/friend his age
interesting notion about the mom and 'billy' by the end of chapter one, i want to read on... well written, i only saw a couple of minor errors, but i'm not sure if this was deliberate, perhaps that's how people speak, like saying "i can borrow you a book" instead of "i can loan you a book" - that might be a deliberate error...

look forward to reading more soon...

Jaclyn
It Never Happened

Hi Christine,
Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it.
You say that most would get the feeling that something is not right, and today, with education, hopefully so. But the story is set in the eighties, where neighbours interacted more with each other, and as Sam hasn't had much guidance anyway, I hope this makes it more plausible.

Just read the first chapter. Love the way you write. I am already concerned for Sam and his male neighbor. Hope I am wrong. Most kids would get that something is not right feeling. It builds suspense thought.
Look forward to reading on.
Christine

I was enveloped in the story after the first paragrah...you have an uncanny way of making it seem so real (as I'm sure it is) To say it is well written is an undestatement. I felt an immediate emotion for this young man, to 'pull for the underdog', as it were, but also felt a painful alliance with the mother, as she is so deficit of the relationship needed to be a good parent. I wish you well with this endeavor. Put it on my WL, and rated it with the highest stars.

Just read the first chapter. Love the way you write. I am already concerned for Sam and his male neighbor. Hope I am wrong. Most kids would get that something is not right feeling. It builds suspense thought.
Look forward to reading on.
Christine

This is a good first chapter. I am interested in the main character Sam. I feel his anxiety and fear of his mother. Is she mentally ill? Is this a YA novel or for a broader audience. I was immediately hooked into this novel with the first few pages. I am an American I don't understand about council and the move. What is the council? I am starring and putting on my shelf. Please read a short story from my collection My Rhapsody and comment.

Simone Marie
My Rhapsody

So far this is an exceptional read, faultless as far as i am concerned. Shame on me for not reading sooner :), Interesting for sure, the stroyline is developing at a perfect pace, although i am nowhere near complete i know this is definately a must read, i could see every scene, some reminding me of my childhood. Wat a creative mind we have here. Could only be 6 stars.
All the Best

Hi Chris,

I got around to reading 'Still Waters' and read the first seven chapters.

The thing that stands out is the very natural dialogue, although some might refer to it as a 'loud' book because of the amount of dialogue.

From the start I felt sympathy for poor Sam. His mom is cold and selfish and never stops criticizing him, and he has had to move away from his friends and start a new school. You cover Sam's high levels of anxiety in the first page well.

Your writing flows well and makes an easy read. Sam's mother collapse was realistic. Mr Peterson came across well, and made up a little for Sam's lack of a male model.

It's still on my WL so I hope to read some more because I don't know what the title of the book means yet.

Good Luck with it,

Carol Jefferies
(A Prince Unboyed)
(Love for Lilian)

This fiction reads like true life, but for the fact that true life should never be like this for a child; mental and emotional, physical and sexual abuse on a daily and nightly routine. If you have ever tip-toed around so as not to wake the monster in the next room, if you have dreaded not going home and hold your breath as you open the door, if the creaking of your bedroom door has made you cringe into your pillow and close your eyes, or you have feared taking a bath because you knew the monster would barge in when you were at your most vulnerable state, then you have been where Sam has been and you know why he tries to barricade his bedroom door each night. You know why he isn't talkative like other boys his age, and why he appears a polar opposite of his cheerful younger sibling. And if you had a younger sibling like Sam does, you would also understand why he can't just up and run away. If Michael knew these things, then he would understand why Sam wants to stay with him. But then, I think if Michael knew, Sam's life would've changed long before chapter 25. Still, from Sam's POV, he really can't tell Michael, because what happens to Sam doesn't really happen to anyone, does it? And there certainly isn't any talking about it... to anyone.

A startling read for anyone who hasn't been there, had those things done to them, felt the way Sam feels. While this is a story told of a young person, it can not be published for those who would realize they were not alone. Adults only, and so, as an adult, be forewarned; if you have been there and survived this type of life, you will struggle through this story (don't forget to breathe), want to rip Sam out of that miserable life, and feel guilty that you can't. This is not for the faint of heart, but is an important piece of tell-all literature, exceptionally told (although it needs editing), and I feel it should be published. I do question the title, though.

Just read 10 chapters and not once did I want to stop. Everything is told from a child's eyes, and it is so well described, I felt like I could hear the boy's voice.

This is not one of many abused child's story. It is calmly written, and enjoyable, and a reader could not help but to feel attached to the boy and hope that his life would get better. I felt like I was taking a walk on the beach with three of them in the chapter 9. Honestly, it is a professional and wonderful work.

R

Hello, Chris
You write the MC in a lovely and mesmerizing voice. We really feel sorry for Sam and want to know why the mother is so dreadful. Other people seem to like Sam so that is a relief; that he can find friends. I think the character of Michael and his insects is an interesting change.
It is terrible to read stuff like this; I mean from the point of view that verbal and mental abuse can be so damaging. It is odd for any mother to continually speak like this to a child and I’m just wondering if she would really continually take out her frustration a child; not a complaint but I’m just wondering if it is too much.
At the same time, Sam seems old beyond his years which also sad – when a child has not time to be a child.
I was really impressed with this writing; it’s not often we find such high calibre writing here. I love this style of writing – inner self-talk, especially when it is portrayed with such accomplishment as here.
I would like to be able to write like this but have no idea!
I am sure this book will do very well on the site and in the marketplace if it gets the chance to be placed there.
Well done and best wishes.
Jane Mauret
I CAN LAUGH – NOW!

Hi Jane,
Thank you for your wonderful comment, and for taking the time to read Still Waters.
You ask - It is odd for any mother to continually speak like this to a child, would she really continually take out her frustration on him.
Sadly, some children are resented by a parent for one reason or another, mixed with mental illness and alcohol it is plausible. Further into the story, it is reveled why his mother acts this way towards him, but I'm glad you raised this point, as it made me question it before feeling satisfied with her behavior. To be better writers, we need others to point out areas that may not stand true or not work as it should, so I am very grateful for your thoughts.

This often disturbing tale of a teenager trying to survive in a near to dysfunctional family, is told in a very frank and caustic way leaving the reader under no illusions regarding both his upbringing, and how he becomes aware of his mother's problems and short comings, and more unexpectedly in a rites of passage tale, his own sexuality. This is heavy duty stuff, but the way in which the author has chosen to paint the characters, the backgrounds to events and the story continuity, gives it a page turning like quality. It is intended to be a fiction, but reads more like an autobiography, giving the novel its authenticity and credence. Highly starred.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

Chapters 1 to 7 inc. An excellent opening to this book. I found I was hooked halfway through chapter 1. The characters are introduced in a seamless way and are believable and interesting. From the violent mother, drunken Billy and Mr. Peterson (who I'm not at all sure about) we go to Sam's sister and his new friend down the road - normal childhood things which contrast vividly with the other parts of this story. I feel tension building from all sides here and believe readers will want to read on and finish this book, despite the uncomfortable subjects which have to be faced.
Quality writing. 6 stars and on watchlist for a future shelf space. Janet

Janet/Helen
The Stranger In My Life

Chris,

I am responding to your offer to read your book. I have read 10 chapters. Your writing style is good. It is clear, descriptive, and compelling. I found myself completely absorbed and wanting to read more. Alcoholism and molestation are such tough topics, yet so common. It is surprising any children grow up surviving at any level.

I commend you for tackling these topics. You do it beautifully. Fantastic start to your book.

Celine Zabel
Lives Shattered: One Mother's Loss at the Hands of the Legal System

Hello, Chris
You write the MC in a lovely and mesmerizing voice. We really feel sorry for Sam and want to know why the mother is so dreadful. Other people seem to like Sam so that is a relief; that he can find friends. I think the character of Michael and his insects is an interesting change.
It is terrible to read stuff like this; I mean from the point of view that verbal and mental abuse can be so damaging. It is odd for any mother to continually speak like this to a child and I’m just wondering if she would really continually take out her frustration a child; not a complaint but I’m just wondering if it is too much.
At the same time, Sam seems old beyond his years which also sad – when a child has not time to be a child.
I was really impressed with this writing; it’s not often we find such high calibre writing here. I love this style of writing – inner self-talk, especially when it is portrayed with such accomplishment as here.
I would like to be able to write like this but have no idea!
I am sure this book will do very well on the site and in the marketplace if it gets the chance to be placed there.
Well done and best wishes.
Jane Mauret
I CAN LAUGH – NOW!

Yes, difficult stuff to write but so finely written ,such brilliant dialogue, such realistic characters...quite extraordinarily good.
Andrea
The De Amerley Affair

Hi Christopher, The voice caught me at once, both casual and strongly written. That carried to the dialogue, really entertaining and poignant with Mr. Peterson and his insects while bringing the issue with the mother into the forefront finally. This is nicely crafted as it drives with the characters to a realism that isn't thrust upon the reader. I want to read more. Katherine

Hi Chris

I hope everything is well with you. I kept a space on my new shelf for A Second City Storm, but this is even better. Your opening chapter is fantastic. Sam is a very interesting character and you have given him a natural voice. Some people can't write children, but you do it effortlessly. You capture the innocence of childhood - it's hard not to identify with him. The way you mention Billy at the end after all the hints of the problems in their previous home is masterfully done. I suspect he's quite a nasty character and I'm looking forward to finding out what happened in Newbridge.

Six stars and on my shelf until it makes the desk.

Hi Chris!

It indeed contains uncomfortable subject matter! Thanks for the warning.

The story is intense and troubling, yet I find it moving and inspiring at the same time. I love how you've presented this in a manner where fathers, mothers, and children could learn so much from it. The interactions were crisp and detailed. I loved the dialogue because it wasn't forced and it flowed well. I think your characters came to life with every word they said and through your every description.

It's an intense, sad story, but I liked it. It's a great literary fiction, meaningful and inspiring. Only a very talented writer can come up with such a beautiful, gripping story and deliver it to the readers flawlessly and impress them. High stars from me because of your dedication to what you do and clearly you've succeeded. I wish you all the best!

May I invite you to read and rate my book as well? Thank you in advance for your help! :)

D
LEO & ROVER: THE PURPLE MARBLE ADVENTURES

Have now read up to chapter 18. Wow - superb writing. The style and delivery certainly don't falter.

Have read Jue's version on the forum, but will read to the end when time allows just to check she didn't throw in any red herrings!

A really polished read, Chris.

Debbie

I'm glad to say, Chris, that the report is true: You CAN write. Wow. I usually squeeze in a handful of chapters for such reads here, but I devoured all that you've uploaded. Your brilliant use of ambiguity and dignity for the heavier scenes adds more power, more sympathy. Kudos, as well, for the fine construction of the story. My heart is aching; and I want to know where Sam's story goes from here. Six stars.
Best,
John B. Campbell (A Lark Ascending)

Love your writing!! where you born in the 60,s

The Short Pitch does this book no favours, and the manuscript isn't perfect, by any means. In a few places it could do with tightening; there are some typos; and it would be helpful to the reader if past tense chapter titles could be preceded by "Then" and the present tense chapters by "Now" or some such distinguishing adverb. But these are minor matters easily put right by a firm edit, and of no real consequence.

For what this story has in abundance is that elusive ingredient: Voice. "Still Waters" is the bleak story of a young boy's pain, despair, confusion, and need. But there's a truth in the writing that sparks hope in the reader that Sam will find a way through in the end. And that spark is what keeps readers turning the page.

Well done, Chris. Backed with pleasure.

Just read the frist two chapters. I dont know why i took so long to read this but im glad i finally did. Well, glad might not be the right word, this is hard to read at times, with difficult, harrowing subject matter, but the writing is authentic, unshowy and gripping. It's just the kind of thing i look for. I will be back to read more and will back soon. Highh stars for now. Very well done.

I read this entire MS last night. And I've been thinking about what to write in this review all day; it must be the most difficult one I've written so far since getting started here on authonomy.

Still Waters is an extremely evocative story. The range and power of emotions that I experienced while reading was at times overwhelming.

As a reader I was so drawn into the story, and felt very much at all times powerless to do anything to help Sam, as much as I wanted to. And this made me angry. The horribleness of the things he was subjected to made me sad.

It was well paced, and I didn't find myself (as I often do) skipping over the less interesting bits to get to the better bits.

Without a great deal of specific back story, the history of characters is picked up throughout the story with little tidbits of information being dealt out here and there. I like that.

Having been on the receiving end of some of what Sam has gone through I can say that you've captured the confusion and emotion quite well. Is there shame? (Can't remember now). My story has a happy ending. I hope his does too.

I think the biggest concern for me is that there may be readers out there who are not put off and disgusted by the bad behaviour Sam is subjected too. The more people's eyes that are opened the better.

I didn't pick out any spelling, punctuation errors - was too busy just reading.

Lots of stars.

Tara
Wife to Brett Adams, Dark Matter

Is Mr Peterson a predator?

Chris this is good stuff. I just read through chapter one and it's evident early that you have a great detailed writing style.

Just going off Chapter 1 I've observed the following. I will be coming back to read this further though but you have already gained my support for "Still Waters".

The imagery was nicely done. Could you foreshadow the weather or the perception of the weather to further foreshadow the bad things that are going to occur? Possibly, but the world of Sammy and Michael Peterson is clearly mapped out.

The dialogue is real, organic, and efficiently used. Real people are talking and a real predator is concealing himself well in a camoflauge of insects.

The foreshadowing and subtle hints you throw to the reader are to be commended. I can see as you bring us along you drop just enough to compel others to read on.

High stars on the writing. I'll be coming back to read a little further. Then I strongly feel this will be needed on my shelf.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou", "The Wings of the Seraph" & "Shadow Ghosts of the Moonlight"

Chris this is good stuff. I just read through chapter one and it's evident early that you have a great detailed writing style.

Just going off Chapter 1 I've observed the following. I will be coming back to read this further though but you have already gained my support for "Still Waters".

The imagery was nicely done. Could you foreshadow the weather or the perception of the weather to further foreshadow the bad things that are going to occur? Possibly, but the world of Sammy and Michael Peterson is clearly mapped out.

The dialogue is real, organic, and efficiently used. Real people are talking and a real predator is concealing himself well in a camoflauge of insects.

The foreshadowing and subtle hints you throw to the reader are to be commended. I can see as you bring us along you drop just enough to compel others to read on.

High stars on the writing. I'll be coming back to read a little further. Then I strongly feel this will be needed on my shelf.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou", "The Wings of the Seraph" & "Shadow Ghosts of the Moonlight"

Still Waters
Christopher Tiller

I connected with Sam in Chapter One and wanted to protect him. I believe even the neighbor across the street was trying to give him something positive to think about. The characters are strong and your writing makes them come alive. I found only one error in the chapter, but can offer no more advice. Your writing is easy to read and grammar good.
*'If you want to play football Terry, take yourself over (to) the park. You could...
Good luck with your book!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones