Book Jacket

 

rank 5858
word count 30615
date submitted 23.03.2012
date updated 24.03.2012
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
complete

The Rescue of Lucy Fer

Andrew Vecsey

A single father and his son risk life and death to rescue the lady of their life out of a prison called Hell.

 

Joe and his son Chris are in heaven. They have everything they want, except Joe lost his wife a Chris lost his mother. She is locked up in prison for life. Realizing that the only way to get her back is to break her out, they decide to try. But it`s no ordinary jail and it`s not your ordinary life sentence. She is locked up in Hell for eternity. Joe and Chris, disguised as a black poodle and a green parrot from heaven manage to rescue Lucy, but at quite the price. This short book is a satirical fantasy about technology and religion and stands them face to face.

 
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Reincarnation

Chapter 5 Reincarnation
 

 
Joe and Chris both applied for upcoming reincarnations. They planned to rescue Lucy and her 12 disciples from Hell.  Chris applied to reincarnate into  the son of Tweeter and was accepted without any objections. Gabriel`s pet dog was expecting to give birth to a litter and Joe applied to reincarnate in the most beautiful and healthiest of the 4 puppies to be born. Reincarnating into immortal brains would have been useless as man has lost all sense of intuition or other forms of communication with their heavenly home they left behind 4000 years ago. On the other hand, new-man and other animals had much clearer communication channels with the spiritual world.
 

 
“Tweeter has received my message very clearly” Joe proudly informed Chris. “They are going to call their newborn son after you.”
 

 
“I hope that puppy will be as receptive to communications with heaven and will be a useful spy for us.” added Chris, winking to his dad. Like all spirits going on reincarnation, souls leave heaven with empty suitcases. When they are born into a brain of an organism, they start out as empty characters with no memories of any of their past lives. If brains remain receptive as they do in animals and new-man, then communication channels to heaven remain clear.
 

 
“Why a  new-man and why a dog?” people kept asking.
 

 
Joe went on a special TV show to broadcast his answer. There was a live audience and a deafening applause when Joe and Chris entered the packed auditorium. The souls sat down and the auditorium turned so still that not a sound could be heard nor a movement seen to detract the slightest attention.  Joe stepped up to the podium, turned on and tested the microphone by blowing into it in his usual way, cleared his voice and started to speak.
 

 
“As we all know too well, man loses clear communication with us too fast, but animals and new-man, the unique mixture of man and animals designed by man, do not.”  He paused before he continued in a pleading voice. “That is why Chris is reincarnating as new-man, and I am reincarnating as a dog. We both hope we have clear communication with spirits who are at home. We will expect guidance from all of you.”  
 

 
“I will be a dog, a toy poodle with extra sharp senses to serve as your wandering eyes and look wherever my senses guide me” Joe continued,
 

 
“And I will be like an intelligent sparrow who can enter Hell undetected.”  Chris broke in.
 

 
There was a great farewell party for them. It was as well televised and had viewers calling in and personally delivering their best wishes and advice.
 

 
“Don`t forget”, called one viewer, “dogs, especially poodles, chase and eat sparrows”. Everyone laughed nervously looking at each other because hidden truth that is unexpectedly uncovered is funny.
 

 
They all wished them well on their voyage as Joe and Chris waited to be called for their departure. They didn`t have to wait too long.
 
 

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Gabriel was stroking his dog when it suddenly went to her favorite spot out in the garden under the porch and had 3 puppies. One of the pups was especially beautiful. They called her Josy. A few weeks after Josy was born, she brought Gabriel his slippers as he sat down on his sofa to read the paper. From that point on, Josy was most always seen with Gabriel. Gabriel even brought him to work with him.
 

 
At about the same time, a few light years away, on a planet called new earth circling a neighboring star, Tweeter was caressing Mary as she was giving birth to the beautiful baby boy Tweeter dreamt was to be sent from heaven for a very special reason. They named him Chrissy. Right from the start, the baby boy seemed to be special.   
 

 
The spirits up in heaven rejoiced at seeing all this. Now they had 2 more eyes looking at the universe and experiencing it for them. And what an experience it was going to be. The 2 new channels “Josy” and “Chrissy” got viral. The number of daily hits reached new view records surpassing the number of view for “the Crucifixion of Christ”.
 

 
Josy went everywhere where Gabriel went. She even slept at the foot of his bed. Josy, a toy poodle, would never get bigger than a small house cat.  She was pitch black with the white of her big black eyes and her sharp white teeth the only white she showed.  Garbriel laughingly told everyone that Josy knew what he was going to do before he knew himself.  Josy was not your ordinary dog. She had a collar about her neck that she was so protective of that she would growl at anyone who attempted to remove it. If they didn`t jerk their hand away, she would without additional warning snap and bite it.  She was most receptive to intuition and direction from souls in heaven guiding her what to look at and curiously looking thru her eyes.
 

 
Chrissy started flying a few days after he was born.  And it didn`t take him very long to reach his full size, the size of a small parrot. Tweeter, his dad and Mary his mom raised him up to follow all of his instincts fearlessly and to be as free as a bird.   
 

 
 

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Christian Frey wrote 347 days ago

Hi Andrew, I read the pitch and the first couple of paragraphs. I like your cover image and the title - that's what drew me in. The pitch was not quite as strong, concept seems 'done' but the black poodle and green parrot are an intriguing angle. I'm not sure the 'life or death' aspect seems too pressing if they're already in the afterlife though, LOL.

What I really noticed about the first couple of paragraphs of writing, is that you may want to see if you can do some word-smithing to remove some of the he, him, his. For example, instead of: "Gabriel looked in the mirror. He had a white shirt with an open collar unbuttoned to reveal his black hairy chest and his thick black suspenders." You could do something like, "Gabriel looked in the mirror. His white shirt and open collar revealed a hairy black chest and thick black suspenders." (is he wearing suspenders under his shirt?)

Anyway, hope that's not coming across too harsh, sorry for the critique and I hope it's taken in the kind spirit in which it was intended. Cheers!

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