Book Jacket

 

rank 5873
word count 12724
date submitted 28.03.2012
date updated 06.09.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Science ...
classification: universal
incomplete

Marriage is silver

R. Wiseman

Sylvie is 16 and thinks she has another two years until she is forced into an arranged marriage. But then her parents surprise her...

 

Sylvie is 16 years old and thinks that she has at least another two years until she is forced into an arranged marriage, like most girls in Australia. But then her parents surprise her. They tell her that she has to get married in February and the agency will arrange it. Traffic light red scorches Sylvie’s eyes.

On her wedding day, Sylvie meets her new husband, Alistair, and discovers that the colour of marriage is silver. Sylvie has synaesthesia, she sees colours, where other people simply just hear words or feel emotions. Sylvie is shocked by what she finds Alistair doing one night on their honeymoon and decides to keep her distance from him.

Sylvie meets Jarvis, a sculptor, who has been married for two years. She discovers that the colour of love is actually lilac and that her mother doesn't know everything.

Sylvie is trapped in a loveless marriage, with someone who is more interested in the virtual world than the real world. Will she conform to what society expects of her, or will she try to escape? And is Jarvis the answer anyway?

 
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7

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7.

It is the next day and I am back at school. I’ve only told my best friend Millie about my operation, quietly, on a bench outside the classroom, before the first bell rung. She was surprised and wished that I had called her earlier about it.

    By Family Matters class she has forgotten all about my operation and it is all about her again.

    She passes me a picture of a bride in a long, strapless, fitted white dress that she has cut out of a bridal magazine. ‘I’m thinking about wearing something more classic,’ she says.   

    ‘You mean, more mainstream?’ I say.

    ‘I mean classic,’ she repeats, a little gruffly. ‘We may not be into Lolita all our lives.’

    This sounds very mature from someone who is almost obsessive about having the latest Lolita bell-shaped skirts, ruffled shirts, knee-high socks or print dress.    ‘You should be proud of who you are and how you dress,’ I say.

    Millie drags her hand through her thickly-parted, straightened-this-morning, blonde hair. ‘I am proud.’

    ‘I’ve seen a great outfit on btssb.com. It is white cotton, with white lace around the bodice, a knee length bustle-skirt, which reveals a few layers of thick red lace. It is just gorgeous. I meant to download the image and email it to you. I can do it tonight.’

    Millie squeezes her lips to the side.

    ‘I don’t know. I don’t want to regret what I wear on my wedding day.’

    I am astounded. Millie is the most die-hard Lolita I know. It was her that converted me into it. She even wears matching bloomers under her outfits. I had thought that her wedding day would have been an opportunity to go nuts with it. I’d imagined her with a pure white bonnet and a frilly carosel, with a couple of ribbons hanging from the handle, that she could have used as a prop in her photographs.

    I feel worked up by her comments just now but I remind myself to take it easy. I’m the head bridesmaid and good head bridesmaids don’t pick fights.

In reality, it’s not just her wanting to wear something completely out of character that I have an issue with, it’s this whole damn wedding thing. It’s the terminology she uses, the ‘big day’, it’s the endless one-way discussions about the design of the wedding invitations, the colour of the napkins, whether she should walk down the aisle with just her father, or both parents.

    What I would really prefer to discuss with her is how she is going to cope with marrying a boy she has never met before. For her at the moment it is all about the ‘big day’ but that is just one day. She is going to have a lifetime with this person. What if she hates his guts? The flowers at her wedding may be perfect, they may be fresh, and sweet smelling, but what if he has bad body odour, and the mere smell of him makes her stomach curdle in disgust?

    Unaware, she goes on, ‘mum and I are meeting with the dressmaker on the weekend, you can come along, if you like, we’ll be talking about the bridesmaid dresses too.’

I don’t really feel like meeting with the dressmaker this weekend and having a gushfest over some stupid outfits and the ‘big day’.

    ‘I would love to,’ I say, ‘but I’ve got plans with dad on Saturday.’   

The look on her face makes me feel bad. Okay, so I’m not the perfect head bridesmaid. But I don’t want to be dragged through this whole ordeal being made to feel guilty, so I say, ‘I’ll come along, some other time. There will be plenty more opportunities. It’s best you meet with her first to discuss your dress, then we can style the bridesmaid dresses around yours.’

    Our teacher calls the class back from our ‘group discussion’.

    ‘Okay, Millie, what do you think makes a good relationship?’ Poor Millie, we hadn’t been discussing the group questions at all, and now she was having to provide feedback to the whole class.

    ‘Honesty, openness, loyalty, trust,’ she says, unflinchingly. I am impressed, perhaps she has been thinking about what happens after the wedding after all.

    ‘Excellent, Millie, very well said. Sylvie, did you talk about how women can make their careers and family life work well together?’

    Oh crap, she was now targeting me too. I falter, if I was to take a lead from my mother, I would say, outsource the raising of the children to a nanny and the father.

    ‘Um, women need to be organised,’ I say. A couple of the girls laugh. I wasn’t trying to be funny, it was just the only thing I could think of right now.

    My teacher doesn’t make a comment, she moves on to the next victim, ‘Lisa, how would you try to create work/life balance?’

    But just now the bell for lunch rings, so Lisa doesn’t have to answer, as everyone starts turning off their zaplets and slamming their books shut, anxious to get the hell out of there, food on their minds. It’s another badly-designed lesson by Miss Morgan, 90% ‘group discussion’ time (aka general chit chat time) and 10% class time. These Family Matters classes, three times a week, are a waste of time. I don’t learn a thing.

    Millie and I have lockers side-by-side in the corridor. We shove our Family Matters textbooks, pencil cases and zaplets into the bottom shelf of our lockers and grab our earpieces from the top shelf. We stick the recording device into our ear, and both say, ‘testing one two’ as we always do, into the microphone. It makes us laugh every time.

    I find the earpieces a bit unnecessary myself, but if you are caught not wearing them, you get a strike. Teachers prowl around the schoolyard at recess times seeking out girls who are not wearing their earpiece. Three strikes and you get a detention. The earpieces are the main reason my mother chose this school, they are a groundbreaking device that are used by only the most exclusive schools to clamp down on schoolyard bullying.

There is a surveillence team hired to monitor our conversations. They can’t listen to all our conversations all the time, but apparently they dip in and out of different girls’ conversations, and the thing is, you never know when they could be listening.

    As a result, everyone is quite wary of what they say at break times. I would love to tell Millie what a waste of time I think Family Matters classes are, but this would be classified as an ‘anti-social’ comment. Likewise, we are not allowed to voice opinions on any of the other girls in the school, participate in gossip or general bitchiness.

    At the end of the day, names of offenders are called over the loud speaker in homeroom, as a way of publicly shaming girls with anti-social behaviour. There are usually only one or two names called out a day, some days there are no names called at all. At 3.15pm, when we hear the crackle of the loudspeaker, all the girls freeze in their seats, hearts pounding, perhaps recalling the one not very nice thing they have said all day. You can almost hear a collective sigh in the class once the names have been read out and there is no one amongst us who is called to detention.

    If there is someone in the class who is called, they stand up, red faced, eyes downcast. A feeling of paranoia washes over the other class members, as they wonder whether it was them that was being bitched about. What could this girl have said about me? Every girl in the class thinks. The offender leaves the room immediately, with every pair of eyes in the class piercing suspicion at her.

    No one talks about what happens in anti-social behaviour detention. The rumour is that it is a two-hour reform session, that a hard-core counsellor deconstructs offenders’ inner-thoughts and fears and leaves them as a quivering mess. There was one girl from our class, Colleen, that never returned to school after her reform session.

     Millie and I have lunch in our usual spot, sitting at the top of some cold polished concrete steps in the emergency exit to the sports hall. Dad has made me a ham roll with homemade sundried tomatoes and pesto mayonnaise squirt paste.

    ‘I should run the menu past your dad, he loves his food,’ Millie says.

    She is banging on about her wedding again. I think to myself that dad couldn’t care a stuff about the menu at her wedding party, but I say, ‘Sure, he would love to help you out.’ Something about this annoys me, but I can’t put my finger on it.

 

Chapters

7

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Andrea Taylor wrote 219 days ago

This is nicely written, intriguing and made me want to read more. Great potential!
Andrea

Kirstie wrote 338 days ago

YARG Review
I have read the first four chapters and so found this an original idea. It is also very well written. I like the way you don't give too much information at first - this encouraged me to read on to find out more. I got an idea of the type of character Sylvie's Mum is right from the start and really didn't like her by the end of chapter Three. Sylvie her self comes across as independent and capable. I like that she wishes her Mum was more caring, but other than that I didn't feel I got to know her feelings too well in these first chapters.
I got a good sense of place. The clinic is well-described and there are nice little details such as the description of the hospital gown and Marion's belly, which bring the scene to life.
A couple of minor details I thought could do with editing are
'At last, his room is a simple painted pastel green' - I though this sentence sounded odd - as if the room had recently changed colour.
After 'she applies generously, you could cut out 'to her hands' as you have already mentioned her hands earlier in the sentence.
'satchel' should be sachet
In the sentence beginning 'My blanket has cooled down,' there is a repetition of 'so'
In the sentence starting 'I don't know why but my mother relies on her.' you could end on 'everything' as you have already told us Marion is not a doctor.
You describe Marion as lacking compassion and immediately afterwards she asks 'How was the operation?' which makes her sound quite caring.
There is a typo lye should be lie

'She collapses in the chair next to me, like a dropped tissue' is a great image
I really enjoyed this and was keen to read on. I thought the pace could possible be a little bit quicker but it works okay as it is.
I look forward to reading more.
Best wishes
Kirstie



benedict wrote 398 days ago

Yarg Review

This is a rather slickly written piece with a very original concept. Your character's voice is very strong and you throw us straight into the plot without too much unnatural, drawn-out extrapolation or character introduction.

Your dialogue is very convincing and you set the scene well.

What I liked a little less was that we essentially spend the first - and so perhaps the most crucial -two chapters in a hospital room without much of what we know from your pitch coming into the story. It felt to me that you should at least be foreshadowing the marriage situation.

Here are some close observations

Opening paragraph
-You repeat the phrase "my mother" which is rather jarring. Couldn't you refer to her as she/her/ Mum the second time?

walks over to a machine and presses some buttons. I hear some beeping, BUT I don’t feel
- to avoid repetition once more

There ARE more beeping sounds as he

‘Lucky it’s all wireless now,’ he says. IT's the same joke every year.
(full stop) Also, how is this a joke?

he is stuffing the silence with some fluff, ‘Was it A success?’
-sounds more natural

I think I can smell someone else’s dried dribble on the vinyl headrest.
-doctor's beds are usually covered over with disposable covers

‘We are going to have to replace IT,’

worried,’ her hands are stroking me over the head like a spider,
-I don't get this simile

But instead, here she was PUTTING thoughts of terminal illness in my mind.
sounds a little more natural?

Her hands are looking older, I notice, despite the money she spends on miracle moisturisers that she applies GENEROUSLY, countless times a day.

She'D SAY that she’d raised her girls to speak up for themselves. It just would have been nice if she’d offered me a drink given THE situation.

These are all very minor things!

Overall this is a very well written and engaging piece. Good work.

Best wishes

Benedict

Lucy Middlemass wrote 405 days ago

This is a YARG review

Marriage is silver

I read your first seven chapters. I like that it’s written in the present tense, and the synaesthesia aspect makes your MC original. The dialogue keeps up the pace nicely and it’s easy to read with accessible short chapters.

By Chapter 7, not a lot has actually happened, which might frustrate a younger audience. There is a rather long portion of Ch 5 given over to describing their house’s architecture and I think this ought to be shorter, unless the precise details become important later.

There were a couple of very small errors, all of which would be quick and easy to correct.

“satchel of sugar.” This should be “sachet of sugar.”

Parkinson’s needs a capital P.

Ch 6 - “His breathe smells like fresh coffee.” Should be breath.

I enjoyed what I read, and I don’t understand why your book isn’t higher ranked. Lots of your phrases are really lovely, particularly the mother dropping like a tissue and the part about a thought from a moment ago. Highly starred!

Lucy

Su Dan wrote 434 days ago

your dialogue is what sticks out here. great flow and easy to follow.
l will back...
read SEASONS...

scargirl wrote 437 days ago

potential here. good foundation. you could have your dialogue tell more of the story...
j

SetantaJ wrote 437 days ago

YARG review
An interesting idea for a story. I like the futuristic idea, it starts of really well but I found ch 5 a bit slow as there wasn't much dialogue to break it up, it was all telling. The story has great potential with careful editing and I wish you all the best.
A couple of mistakes I spotted
ch 4 lye instead of lie
ch 5 meditteranean instead of mediterranean

tojo wrote 442 days ago

For the fist time in over three years here on Authonomy I am dismissing the rule, scratch around looking for a misplaced comer, or a rare miss spelled word. I am writing how it is, I love the perception of this author on the subject written here, oh yes, she writes really well. I read all 16 chapters non stop, love it, I will make no apology. Brilliant. 6******

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