Mungai and the Goa Constrictor

Hi Amelia,

What an original story, I loved the idea of animated creatures being the focus of this tale. It’s a concept that I see could be appealing to middle-schoolers. And as the character’s motives were revealed, I could see a few parallels that could easily be drawn from your story. Readers from every background will be able apply to the morals and lessons learned to their everyday lives.

Right away the reader gets the sense that Mungai is all about serving himself - that he is up to no good and is destined to fall. With Goa as his sidekick, they make a miserably evil pair. They are a duo that the reader with any kind of conscience wants will want to see fail. It’s a real twist on the hero/heroine thing. Instead of giving the reader someone to cheer for, you give them someone to loathe and longing to see their demise.

Your writing is easy to follow and the story is delivered in an entertaining and descriptive way. The setting and your characters are imaginable. Although it took me awhile to get used to Goa’s lisp, I really liked it. My thought was that your book would be fun to read out loud.

The only constructive thing I could come up with is a couple times you used an exclamation point where I don’t think you needed it or it didn’t seem to fit. One was in the beginning of chapter one and the other was in this sentence: “Goa, because she was Goa!”

Amelia, I love that you are using your talent to teach our young people some practical life lessons. I wish you the very. Six stars!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Really enjoyed this, Amelia. Very highly starred and kept on my watchlist so I can read on. The writing feels very polished. I’ve read the opening four chapters now and, apart from one or two simple typos (eg the same line is repeated twice at the end of chapter 3 and a few of the compound nouns/adjectives [eg deep-rooted] seem to be missing their hyphens) I found this to be an extremely fluent, immersive read. I suppose, if I’m being ultra picky, I do think some of the prose feels a bit ‘light’ on commas for my taste, and one or two of the longer, multi-clausal sentences (eg ‘…even more curious why he had not been found out; he decided he would observe them…’ : ‘Goa… was also, unlike most other Boa Constrictors, of all one, albeit changing, colour’) did make me stumble slightly. Easy fixes should you choose to do so, though.

The prose feels very well judged. It’s clean and unfussy and seems ‘age appropriate’ but, at no time, does it feel overly simple or lacking in colour or depth. Nicely done. There are some wonderfully evocative, extremely vivid descriptive passages and I love the playfulness and quirky originality of some of your phrasing (eg ‘bestia non grata,’ ‘hedgehog en croute,’ referring to humans as ‘two-legs,’ ‘oodles of everything’ etc). Just the type of thing that’s going to appeal to younger readers. It’s also terrifically funny in places (for example, Goa the Boa’s stylised speech patterns [eg. ‘Yeth thmarter, that’th what I thaid…’ etc} and the appealingly slapstick physicality of much of the comedy ‘[eg. ‘Crunch! Crack! Bang! He missed not a single branch’]) – again, just the type of thing that’s going to appeal to younger readers. (My brother writes comic children’s adventure novels for MacMillan and it’s definitely the comic elements in his novels which seem to appeal most strongly to his readers).

Both Mungai and Goa come across as extremely lifelike, funny, appealingly flawed main characters and I can definitely see younger readers identifying with them and rooting for them as the story develops. The subsidiary characters feel real and distinct and work well as an ensemble.

The dialogue feels natural and purposeful and helps both to drive the scenes and subtly flesh out the novel’s various characters. It’s also extremely funny in places. Really good stuff. I do, however, think some of punctuation surrounding the dialogue feels a bit ‘off’ (eg ‘…sneak up on me unawares,’ he shouted mockingly [full-stop not comma as each line of dialogue is a separate, complete sentence] : ‘Take [not ‘take’] note…’, ‘…really delicious to taste [comma not full-stop]’ said Mungai. : ‘We don’t belong to anyone [full-stop not comma as not followed by dialogue tag]’ PJ was indignant. etc) which you may want to look at??

The chapters themselves seem very well structured with a good mix of action, dialogue and character introspection and nicely underplayed climactic plot hooks to encourage the reader to read on. The plot sounds original and multi-layered and, with its blend of action, adventure, comedy, escapist fantasy, eco symbolism etc, should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers.

While I can easily see this being enjoyed by teen readers, it does, in terms of the cast list, the tone of the prose, the message of the book, the terrifically inventive comedy etc, feel like it might be a better fit for readers in the 8-12 age range. I really don’t mean this as a criticism in any sense. This is an extremely accomplished, stylish, ambitious piece of work. I just think younger readers will buy into the whole ‘feel’ of the novel more readily. And – if what my brother’s agent/editor keep telling him is true – the market is so saturated with Twilight/Harry Potter/Hunger Games wannabes that the real publishing opportunities lie in writing novels for the 8-12 age range. Food for thought, anyway.

In short, a beautifully written, extremely funny, subtly profound modern parable. Thanks and best of luck. P

Thank you so much, Paul for your in-depth critique. I am overwhelmed by your wonderful words. I cannot thank you enough for taking so much trouble to write this. It made my day when read it.

As to the various errors, I shall be printing off your critique and working my way through all points, correcting the first few chapters accordingly. I edited my book myself. I don’t think it always works all that well. It is just too easy to read over the same words again and again and fail to notice the problems. A second (or third, fourth or fifth) pair of eyes seems always to be needed. The book is on Amazon, kindle and paperback versions, so I shall reload both when I have finished the corrections. Several other people have mentioned the commas. Unfortunately, I have been really busy elsewhere for the past week or so and now I must buckle down and see to it all. I do not think you are being ultra-picky.by the way. It’s just what I needed.

I am so pleased you have picked up on the comedy, inter alia. Though I have had a few fabulous reviews on Amazon, not as detailed as this I hasten to add, and some great remarks from some terrific authors on here, no-one else has yet mentioned the humour. I had received some criticism elsewhere, about the ‘Latin’, so I am very happy you like the phrases I concocted.

If you would ever like to read the whole book, please let me know and I will send you a complimentary (re-edited) copy.

Oh, and congratulations on being selected for review by Harper Collins.

My best wishes,

Amelia

Thanks, to all those who pointed out the lack of commas in my manuscript. The book has now been edited and updated. Thank you all for drawing my attention to this. :)

Hi Amelia,

Your book is most unusual I think, being told about animals with human thoughts, feelings and characteristics. It is beautifully written and expressed. I agree with others who have said it would be good read out loud to middle school children. It seems there are many lessons of life to be learnt from your intriguing characters. High stars.

Kerrie Price
THE GOD PLEASERS 40 day Study Guide

Dear Amelia, your book is a real wonder! Its other name may be A Handbook of a Young Businessman.It's a precise picture of our society: "The seed you sow another reaps;The wealth you find another keeps;" (P.B.S)... It seems to me that this book is not only for children. It's a pity, but there are too many Mungays in my country. It would be nice to translate your book into Ukrainian and publish it here.
You've mentioned that Mungay is a creature of indeterminable origin, nevertheless it's a mystery and everyone can't but try to determine it.There are some prompts, e.g. that mark on the hind leg, his being in the zoo, but I can't detect it yet. And it hooks!
The book is fascinating! The style reminds me of my beloved Rudyard. Some of your characters are endowed with their own, sometimes very peculiar voice and temper (Goa, Joe, Bodger )
But why did you let that poor old Fergus swinging dangerously on that rotten branch for so long time if there was Osbert? In my opinion it undermines the reader's perception of Mungay as a really clever smart aleck.

All in all, the book is very nice. The highest stars and will gladly be backed in some days.

Val But
Escape

Hi Amelia,

What an original story, I loved the idea of animated creatures being the focus of this tale. It’s a concept that I see could be appealing to middle-schoolers. And as the character’s motives were revealed, I could see a few parallels that could easily be drawn from your story. Readers from every background will be able apply to the morals and lessons learned to their everyday lives.

Right away the reader gets the sense that Mungai is all about serving himself - that he is up to no good and is destined to fall. With Goa as his sidekick, they make a miserably evil pair. They are a duo that the reader with any kind of conscience wants will want to see fail. It’s a real twist on the hero/heroine thing. Instead of giving the reader someone to cheer for, you give them someone to loathe and longing to see their demise.

Your writing is easy to follow and the story is delivered in an entertaining and descriptive way. The setting and your characters are imaginable. Although it took me awhile to get used to Goa’s lisp, I really liked it. My thought was that your book would be fun to read out loud.

The only constructive thing I could come up with is a couple times you used an exclamation point where I don’t think you needed it or it didn’t seem to fit. One was in the beginning of chapter one and the other was in this sentence: “Goa, because she was Goa!”

Amelia, I love that you are using your talent to teach our young people some practical life lessons. I wish you the very. Six stars!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Thanks, to all those who pointed out the lack of commas in my manuscript. The book has now been edited and updated. Thank you all for drawing my attention to this. :)

A lovely vividly descriptive book, beautifully written, reminded me of Jungle book! I found it entertaining and well written a joy to read! All the best Karen Bates, Faking it in France.

Really enjoyed this, Amelia. Very highly starred and kept on my watchlist so I can read on. The writing feels very polished. I’ve read the opening four chapters now and, apart from one or two simple typos (eg the same line is repeated twice at the end of chapter 3 and a few of the compound nouns/adjectives [eg deep-rooted] seem to be missing their hyphens) I found this to be an extremely fluent, immersive read. I suppose, if I’m being ultra picky, I do think some of the prose feels a bit ‘light’ on commas for my taste, and one or two of the longer, multi-clausal sentences (eg ‘…even more curious why he had not been found out; he decided he would observe them…’ : ‘Goa… was also, unlike most other Boa Constrictors, of all one, albeit changing, colour’) did make me stumble slightly. Easy fixes should you choose to do so, though.

The prose feels very well judged. It’s clean and unfussy and seems ‘age appropriate’ but, at no time, does it feel overly simple or lacking in colour or depth. Nicely done. There are some wonderfully evocative, extremely vivid descriptive passages and I love the playfulness and quirky originality of some of your phrasing (eg ‘bestia non grata,’ ‘hedgehog en croute,’ referring to humans as ‘two-legs,’ ‘oodles of everything’ etc). Just the type of thing that’s going to appeal to younger readers. It’s also terrifically funny in places (for example, Goa the Boa’s stylised speech patterns [eg. ‘Yeth thmarter, that’th what I thaid…’ etc} and the appealingly slapstick physicality of much of the comedy ‘[eg. ‘Crunch! Crack! Bang! He missed not a single branch’]) – again, just the type of thing that’s going to appeal to younger readers. (My brother writes comic children’s adventure novels for MacMillan and it’s definitely the comic elements in his novels which seem to appeal most strongly to his readers).

Both Mungai and Goa come across as extremely lifelike, funny, appealingly flawed main characters and I can definitely see younger readers identifying with them and rooting for them as the story develops. The subsidiary characters feel real and distinct and work well as an ensemble.

The dialogue feels natural and purposeful and helps both to drive the scenes and subtly flesh out the novel’s various characters. It’s also extremely funny in places. Really good stuff. I do, however, think some of punctuation surrounding the dialogue feels a bit ‘off’ (eg ‘…sneak up on me unawares,’ he shouted mockingly [full-stop not comma as each line of dialogue is a separate, complete sentence] : ‘Take [not ‘take’] note…’, ‘…really delicious to taste [comma not full-stop]’ said Mungai. : ‘We don’t belong to anyone [full-stop not comma as not followed by dialogue tag]’ PJ was indignant. etc) which you may want to look at??

The chapters themselves seem very well structured with a good mix of action, dialogue and character introspection and nicely underplayed climactic plot hooks to encourage the reader to read on. The plot sounds original and multi-layered and, with its blend of action, adventure, comedy, escapist fantasy, eco symbolism etc, should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers.

While I can easily see this being enjoyed by teen readers, it does, in terms of the cast list, the tone of the prose, the message of the book, the terrifically inventive comedy etc, feel like it might be a better fit for readers in the 8-12 age range. I really don’t mean this as a criticism in any sense. This is an extremely accomplished, stylish, ambitious piece of work. I just think younger readers will buy into the whole ‘feel’ of the novel more readily. And – if what my brother’s agent/editor keep telling him is true – the market is so saturated with Twilight/Harry Potter/Hunger Games wannabes that the real publishing opportunities lie in writing novels for the 8-12 age range. Food for thought, anyway.

In short, a beautifully written, extremely funny, subtly profound modern parable. Thanks and best of luck. P

Thank you so much, Paul for your in-depth critique. I am overwhelmed by your wonderful words. I cannot thank you enough for taking so much trouble to write this. It made my day when read it.

As to the various errors, I shall be printing off your critique and working my way through all points, correcting the first few chapters accordingly. I edited my book myself. I don’t think it always works all that well. It is just too easy to read over the same words again and again and fail to notice the problems. A second (or third, fourth or fifth) pair of eyes seems always to be needed. The book is on Amazon, kindle and paperback versions, so I shall reload both when I have finished the corrections. Several other people have mentioned the commas. Unfortunately, I have been really busy elsewhere for the past week or so and now I must buckle down and see to it all. I do not think you are being ultra-picky.by the way. It’s just what I needed.

I am so pleased you have picked up on the comedy, inter alia. Though I have had a few fabulous reviews on Amazon, not as detailed as this I hasten to add, and some great remarks from some terrific authors on here, no-one else has yet mentioned the humour. I had received some criticism elsewhere, about the ‘Latin’, so I am very happy you like the phrases I concocted.

If you would ever like to read the whole book, please let me know and I will send you a complimentary (re-edited) copy.

Oh, and congratulations on being selected for review by Harper Collins.

My best wishes,

Amelia

Really enjoyed this, Amelia. Very highly starred and kept on my watchlist so I can read on. The writing feels very polished. I’ve read the opening four chapters now and, apart from one or two simple typos (eg the same line is repeated twice at the end of chapter 3 and a few of the compound nouns/adjectives [eg deep-rooted] seem to be missing their hyphens) I found this to be an extremely fluent, immersive read. I suppose, if I’m being ultra picky, I do think some of the prose feels a bit ‘light’ on commas for my taste, and one or two of the longer, multi-clausal sentences (eg ‘…even more curious why he had not been found out; he decided he would observe them…’ : ‘Goa… was also, unlike most other Boa Constrictors, of all one, albeit changing, colour’) did make me stumble slightly. Easy fixes should you choose to do so, though.

The prose feels very well judged. It’s clean and unfussy and seems ‘age appropriate’ but, at no time, does it feel overly simple or lacking in colour or depth. Nicely done. There are some wonderfully evocative, extremely vivid descriptive passages and I love the playfulness and quirky originality of some of your phrasing (eg ‘bestia non grata,’ ‘hedgehog en croute,’ referring to humans as ‘two-legs,’ ‘oodles of everything’ etc). Just the type of thing that’s going to appeal to younger readers. It’s also terrifically funny in places (for example, Goa the Boa’s stylised speech patterns [eg. ‘Yeth thmarter, that’th what I thaid…’ etc} and the appealingly slapstick physicality of much of the comedy ‘[eg. ‘Crunch! Crack! Bang! He missed not a single branch’]) – again, just the type of thing that’s going to appeal to younger readers. (My brother writes comic children’s adventure novels for MacMillan and it’s definitely the comic elements in his novels which seem to appeal most strongly to his readers).

Both Mungai and Goa come across as extremely lifelike, funny, appealingly flawed main characters and I can definitely see younger readers identifying with them and rooting for them as the story develops. The subsidiary characters feel real and distinct and work well as an ensemble.

The dialogue feels natural and purposeful and helps both to drive the scenes and subtly flesh out the novel’s various characters. It’s also extremely funny in places. Really good stuff. I do, however, think some of punctuation surrounding the dialogue feels a bit ‘off’ (eg ‘…sneak up on me unawares,’ he shouted mockingly [full-stop not comma as each line of dialogue is a separate, complete sentence] : ‘Take [not ‘take’] note…’, ‘…really delicious to taste [comma not full-stop]’ said Mungai. : ‘We don’t belong to anyone [full-stop not comma as not followed by dialogue tag]’ PJ was indignant. etc) which you may want to look at??

The chapters themselves seem very well structured with a good mix of action, dialogue and character introspection and nicely underplayed climactic plot hooks to encourage the reader to read on. The plot sounds original and multi-layered and, with its blend of action, adventure, comedy, escapist fantasy, eco symbolism etc, should appeal to a broad cross-section of readers.

While I can easily see this being enjoyed by teen readers, it does, in terms of the cast list, the tone of the prose, the message of the book, the terrifically inventive comedy etc, feel like it might be a better fit for readers in the 8-12 age range. I really don’t mean this as a criticism in any sense. This is an extremely accomplished, stylish, ambitious piece of work. I just think younger readers will buy into the whole ‘feel’ of the novel more readily. And – if what my brother’s agent/editor keep telling him is true – the market is so saturated with Twilight/Harry Potter/Hunger Games wannabes that the real publishing opportunities lie in writing novels for the 8-12 age range. Food for thought, anyway.

In short, a beautifully written, extremely funny, subtly profound modern parable. Thanks and best of luck. P

Hey just read chapter 1. its very well written and a good book so far. Only thing i noticed, which from over comments, some else did too. Is that some commas are missing, but that isn't hard to fix, as i had the same problem with mine. hope you all the best
Terence

Thanks for your kind words Terence, and the comment about the commas. I had made a note of this, but hadn't found the time to edit. Thanks for bringing it to my attention again. I'll get stuck into that.
Best wishes, Amelia

Finally here for my promised read.

I found this to be the most unusual story I have read in sometime. That's good...I get tired or reading YA rehashed stories, it is original and thought provoking as I attempt to discover what the moral is here...I know it is leading to one. Love the characters and the easy flow of your writing.

I am not the one to comment on grammar and punctuation so will leave that to the experts. My only suggestion would be: When it is published (I know it will be) for you to work closely with the illustrator to make sure your vision becomes clear.

High stars
Linda
Threads of Time

Hey just read chapter 1. its very well written and a good book so far. Only thing i noticed, which from over comments, some else did too. Is that some commas are missing, but that isn't hard to fix, as i had the same problem with mine. hope you all the best
Terence

Hi Amelia!
I just dropped in to check out your book! It's very well written, the story moves quickly, the characters are realistic, their voices are clear.
I would have liked a little more physical description of Mungai, my initial image in my head was something like 'Where the Wild Things Are' a sort of beast boy, furry all over. But then the dung incident made him seem like he must be small to be so covered, and probalby more animal-like since he's seen and is familiar with the two-legs.
High stars to you!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachter of Mungai and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Hi Amelia.

Thanks for the quite splendid comments on Degree of Exposure.. Much appreciated.

I have read your story., liked the 'bestia non grata' touch, and the scene where they all get pissed on applejuice.. An interesting tale, but not my cupof tea of course being of the old curmudgeonly cynical generation. I agree with the other comments made though and I think you should do well on this site.

On my Wl and will shelve it as soon as I have some space. Best of luck Eric
.

Chapter Two
This continues to be an interesting and unusual story. It definitely seems to be a tale with some kind of moral point. It is unique and although I really don't know what to think of it and it's not something I would normally read, I am intrigued to learn more and would be interested to read on. Perhaps this second chapter would benefit from a little more dailogue.
All the best with it.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

I have read the first chapter so far and will read the next but thought I would write a few of my thoughts so far.
This strikes me as an extremely unusual story. Your use of language and style are very pleasing and well-thought out.
I desperately want to know what kind of animal or thing Mungai is and I do hope that this will become clearer during the course of the book. You have written very well with no errors that I have spotted and you have a flowing style to your writing. I must confess that I found the snake's way of talking a bit difficult to understand in places and it does slow the pace as I try to grapple with what is being said. If this continues it may become a little too much for the reader, but see what other people have to say about this.
One other point I have to mention at this stage is I wonder who your target audience is. The language is quite complicated for children, but the use of animals would appeal to them more than to young adults and adults. Obviously I have only read the first chapter so far and I'm keen to read on and see how this develops.
I will read Ch 2 and comment when I have a moment. Many stars for now.
Best of luck with this
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Hello Amelia,

I am here as part of our swap and although I only had time to read through the first chapter, I agree with the other comments! Goa is great, the lisp is a fantastic thing to add, especially since Goa is a snake! As I read, I could envision the characters in my head which is again, a fantastic writing job. Well done!

The only issue I could see in ch1 was that the first two para's seemed to be lacking in commas, but that is easily fixable.

Will be back for more and highly starred! Would be happy to back this as well!

I read to chapter two.
I liked how the wolf dung story really sets up some sympathy for Mungai, who might be a rather unlikable character without it.

I love Goa. I love the lisp and thinking a lot of kids struggle with lisps, I did (do) and I think that's a great trait. And she's a snake as well so it fits.
All the character's personality seem to match with their animal. The sturdy badger, nervous hare, and the trusting bird.
I like the language. It's very smooth, as are the switching of POVs.

The pitch seems very dark for the story, but I haven't read that far so I can't really say.

Good luck with it! It's a good story.

Hi Amelia,
here for our reading swap.
There's lots of great stuff here, it's like a modern version of The Jungle Book or the Just So Stories. The concept is wonderful and the story feels traditional, which is difficult to achieve but you've managed it.
If I have any advice it would be to work a little more on your pitches and to simplify your language a little throughout.

The short pitch needs to be one really good hook (I'm still working on mine), or something intriguing. And both pitches shouldn't explain what happens, you need to tantalise and flirt a little more, to get the audience's attention rather than summarising. The long pitch feels very dense. Try some more para breaks.

You write beautifully, and the language feels slightly archane, in line with a traditional tale. But I think it would flow better (and be less dense) if you simplified the language a little more. You've just locked for editing, so I can't find an example in the text, so I'll use a sentence from your pitch to illustrate. E.g. you write, "He strives to achieve his objectives, regardless of the consequences, as he moves to destroy the environment for personal gain." This is a bit of a mouthful for any age! What about trying something like "Mungai tries to get what he wants, whatever the consequences, selfishly destroying all around him." The simpler language might also work to make us feel more in Mungai's shoes!
Generally I really liked it though, a lovely atmosphere and great ideas.
Will highly star and consider putting on my book shelf in the future.
All the best,
Sharda.

Hi Sharda,
Thank you so much for all your comments. I’m thrilled you liked the book!
Thanks also for your helpful advice. Your absolutely right, of course, my pitch could do with some help. I shall work on that now. Odd though, pitches, summaries and the like all seem much harder than writing a book! But I shall be looking at it differently now you have explained it. Thank you for that as well. This is all a bit new to me, so good counsel is always welcome.
All the best,
Amelia

You are a really great storyteller. Very good pace of writing. Will be back to read the rest.
Scott Trimas
The Chimera Factor

Thanks Scott,
Amelia

Hi Amelia,
here for our reading swap.
There's lots of great stuff here, it's like a modern version of The Jungle Book or the Just So Stories. The concept is wonderful and the story feels traditional, which is difficult to achieve but you've managed it.
If I have any advice it would be to work a little more on your pitches and to simplify your language a little throughout.

The short pitch needs to be one really good hook (I'm still working on mine), or something intriguing. And both pitches shouldn't explain what happens, you need to tantalise and flirt a little more, to get the audience's attention rather than summarising. The long pitch feels very dense. Try some more para breaks.

You write beautifully, and the language feels slightly archane, in line with a traditional tale. But I think it would flow better (and be less dense) if you simplified the language a little more. You've just locked for editing, so I can't find an example in the text, so I'll use a sentence from your pitch to illustrate. E.g. you write, "He strives to achieve his objectives, regardless of the consequences, as he moves to destroy the environment for personal gain." This is a bit of a mouthful for any age! What about trying something like "Mungai tries to get what he wants, whatever the consequences, selfishly destroying all around him." The simpler language might also work to make us feel more in Mungai's shoes!
Generally I really liked it though, a lovely atmosphere and great ideas.
Will highly star and consider putting on my book shelf in the future.
All the best,
Sharda.

You are a really great storyteller. Very good pace of writing. Will be back to read the rest.
Scott Trimas
The Chimera Factor

Amelia, I absolutely love this! Your work is so polished; I'm jealous, I wish mine was! Your creatures are delightful, well described and the dialogue is fantastic. Goa's speech made me smile and Mungai is a strange sounding beast; I'll definitely have to read on in a minute to find out what he is! You've done an outstanding job with this and I have no doubt at all that it will go far. I didn't notice a single error/typo, and I'm usually very particular about those! Highly starred and on my WL for a place on my shelf in the next few days. I'm also going to let my children read this and will let you know their thoughts. My eldest is ten and I know for a fact that she will love this. Thanks for sharing this delightful story. Well done.

Emma, thank you so much for your wonderful comments. I am totally honoured. Thanks also for the stars and placing me on your WL. I hope you eldest child does enjoy the book. I would be delighted to receive feedback from her, via you of course, as I originally marketed it just for children until the reviews and comments in, and then upped the age group, based on the fact that some thought it would be above the heads of younger children. It would be marvellous to have the endorsement of a ten year old, enabling me to cover a wider range. I often feel some people do not grant younger children with enough credit. Many have great vocabularies and a greater understanding of what they are reading than some would like to think. I can’t wait to hear her thoughts.

Amelia, I absolutely love this! Your work is so polished; I'm jealous, I wish mine was! Your creatures are delightful, well described and the dialogue is fantastic. Goa's speech made me smile and Mungai is a strange sounding beast; I'll definitely have to read on in a minute to find out what he is! You've done an outstanding job with this and I have no doubt at all that it will go far. I didn't notice a single error/typo, and I'm usually very particular about those! Highly starred and on my WL for a place on my shelf in the next few days. I'm also going to let my children read this and will let you know their thoughts. My eldest is ten and I know for a fact that she will love this. Thanks for sharing this delightful story. Well done.

Dear Amelia,
I read all chapters. I think am envious of how WELL you tell the story! I especially laughed at the Goa's way of talking. Mungai is smart and and he knows he has Goa in his grip. This is a very strong story. Actually when I think of it in human perspective I get the feeling that I know people like Mungai and Goa. Clever and cunning!
Well done. I will star rate you and watchlist you for when I have space at my shelf.
Josphine
Notime goes bye

Amelia,
Why is it that Mungai and Goa remind me of a couple of guys I know? All told, "Mungai and the Goa Constrictor" is a book with universal appeal because of the characterizations everyone can relate to. The flow of your narrative is exquisite, your sentences almost lyrical betraying the poet in you. What I like best about your work is the casual, simple way you go about describing action and scene, making the read absolutely delightful. Thank you so much for sharing.


Thank you so much Kenneth for your wonderful comments. Very, very much appreciated :)
Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Amelia,
Why is it that Mungai and Goa remind me of a couple of guys I know? All told, "Mungai and the Goa Constrictor" is a book with universal appeal because of the characterizations everyone can relate to. The flow of your narrative is exquisite, your sentences almost lyrical betraying the poet in you. What I like best about your work is the casual, simple way you go about describing action and scene, making the read absolutely delightful. Thank you so much for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

This is unusual. What sort of creature is Mungai? He seems almost allegorical, but perhaps you didn't intend that. If so, this could be read on more than one level. I've read a couple of chapters and still interested to see what happens next - can't quite figure it out yet, but it's keeping me interested.

Small typo - 'Out of site and smell of the wolves...' should be 'sight.'

Thank you so much, Cariad, for taking an interest.
No-one ever knows what sort of creature Mungai is, and yes it is an allegory. If you do read on, I think you will be pleasantly surprised. I don't want to give anything away though!
Thanks also for noticing the typo. Silly me! I will reload it tomorrow.
Any further comments would be most welcome :)
Amelia

This is unusual. What sort of creature is Mungai? He seems almost allegorical, but perhaps you didn't intend that. If so, this could be read on more than one level. I've read a couple of chapters and still interested to see what happens next - can't quite figure it out yet, but it's keeping me interested.

Small typo - 'Out of site and smell of the wolves...' should be 'sight.'