A Collection of Chaos

Hey

I think this is going to be a great eye-opener for people to see how the closest are effected, not just in childhood, but impacting on their entire life. You speak directly from your heart, and this shows well. The first chapter is great, drawing the reader to exactly where you were, and showing gradual glimpses of the extent of damage done. I particularly like,"I watched as the current washed away any remaining sober memories, which may still be lingering around."
I think this will be very good, have rated you and will keep reading, and letting you know.

All the best, Lee

Needless to say (but I will anyway) alcoholism, as with any addiction, is a devastating subject to read, especially when it is presented in non-fiction. Although you keep the story moving at a steady pace, as a reader reading a non-fiction piece on the subject, I couldn't help but sense that you might be holding back. Since the novel is written in first person, there seems to be some deeper and tougher thoughts that did not make it to the page. Just one example would be why YOU, and nobody else - not your other siblings, etc. - felt so obligated to help your father. Answers like these would not only make your story more personal, interesting, and "not-put-downable". As I only read the first couple of chapters, you could very well explain this soon, but maybe you shouldn't wait or at least tease the reader as to why before a bigger reveal. With a subject like this, there is no shortage of inciting incedents.

This is a good start. Good luck!

Michael Hebler - "Night of the Chupacabra"

Danielle, It must be awful experiencing someone you love drowning in this ocean of alcoholism. You describe the inner feelings so well but a little 'showing' would perfect this further. This is my downfall when I write and am still mastering it. But you're doing a grand job and A Collection of Chaos deserves recognition. Well done.

Ruth2904
To Dream Again

Danielle,I have read the first three chapters... you have a very good story to tell and are brave in doing so.. You write with such raw emotion that a lot of people lack and that is awesome...but remember you are the narrator of this story and need to control it, so now that the emotion is on the pages, just clean it up a little.,,,Caitlin Avery has a very good review with some good points on chapter two, the one I would like you to bring to life is when she asks you to show some of your emotions....You have a unique style of writing, and that's a good thing to have, but a writer masters their style when they can show the reader what the character is doing rather than say it...This is a good exercise, For example us writers say "I was so nervous I spoke fast."...Now try to show the reader how or why he was nervous. "The cop had his light shining on me. My heart started racing through my chest that I spit out the words faster than I could hear what I was saying."...do you see the difference?... I hope you don't feel I am being negative, it wasn't my intention, I don't stick my neck out this far usually, but I believe you have a story people need to read and I want to see it become reality...Good Luck.

I read the second chapter, no problem finding it this time. I really like your openness and how to the point you are in describing your crazy family. I feel like I can relate to you so much in your strife at that age; our situations may have been different but the feelings were certainly similar. I wonder if a little bit of straying from the facts, to add a little more description of the surroundings, and the color of your world, and your emotions. It feels a little bit text book right now. But I think you have a powerful story to tell, and I know it would help people facing a similar situation feel like they are not alone. Keep up the good work! And kudos to your courage. I give this high stars and wish you a ton of luck!! Caitlin Avery

Dear Danielle

I have looked at the first two chapters of your memoir, "A Collection of Chaos". What a sorry tale you tell, of your life long encounter with the habitual drinking and alcoholism of your father. That you had to tolerate this alone from the age of about seven comes across very clearly in the way you describe reacting around your father, the way you worked with his moods, his unkindness, his habits.

I find it hard to read this without getting angry, because it seems clear to me that growing up around paranoid drunks with whom you have to be so polite and tiptoe around, is so unfair. A way of coping with a warped adult. Of course, he was sick, addicted, but alcohol is so widely accepted, that the sickness that grows from dependence is laughed off. Except, of course, by those living at close quarters with stinginess, unkindness and thoughtlessness that comes from drinking all the time.

I commend you for writing your story so honestly. I plan to read a few more chapters. Meantime, I wish you well. You might like to comb your MS for grammar and typo nits, but that is something we all have to do!

Take care. All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx :)

Wow! I dig this first chapter. I'll read more and then comment, but you've certainly piqued my interest. Caitlin Avery

I've read the first three chapters so far. This is very good, Danielle. I felt sorry for Jessica and her father in the first chapter. So sad that he was in such bad shape, and that she has to take care of him like that when she has her own life and studies to worry about. I got a little confused when I went on to the second and third chapters but figured out that those things happened before the opening scene. I'll be back to read more very soon. I'll leave more comments, too.

Very good writing. Good pacing and characterizations.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Hi Danielle,

I read your first chapter and it’s so poignant and emotional it’s very obvious your heart and soul have gone into the story. You use some excellent imagery that, if I’m honest, had me close to tears. How very sad that any father could destroy his mind so badly with alcohol that he fails to recognise his own daughter. There are some points where the writing really very strong.

I love the at first you seem like you forgot his father’s day card but then go on to explain that he’s an alcoholic followed by it being the reason your siblings don’t send a card either. These kinds of connections really weave your story tightly together and make it highly readable.

Perhaps because you are so connected with the story you can on occasion almost lecture the reader. For example when you explain what alcoholism is; while, yes, it is obvious from your emotion that you hate the disease it almost seems like a dictionary definition of the illness. Perhaps if the reader saw how the beer made your father act like the definition then we could empathise even more with the character.

I do think this memoir if full of emotion (understandably) and as addiction in many forms is such a huge problem for a lot of families I imagine your story would have massive appeal.

It certainly touched me. Best of look on the road to publication.

Janny

Hello ,I was very touched by the scene where the father does not recognise the daughter , how sad , how sad also that you seem to know so much about this terrible affliction at such a young age , it should not be that you can have so much direct experience of it , but ,of course , you can because that is what can happen in life ,regardless of whether it should or not. I don't know whether later you consider this aspect - but do you have any theories as to why he was an alcoholic , did it run in the family? did he have a lot of bad luck? I personally would prefer to focus on this aspect , rather than to regard it as a disease , which makes you a completely helpless victim - but - sorry - excuse me - what do I know?(meant sincerely) I wonder if you would have the time to look at the first chapter of my novel ' A Buccaneer' , which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , watchlisted and starred , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon

Only read the first chapyer at the mo, but it is very good, i will be back to read more later tonight.
Backed

Alison