Book Jacket

 

rank 215
word count 22683
date submitted 05.04.2012
date updated 13.05.2012
genres: Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

A Fallen Feather

Steve Muntsy

In every life there are moments that open doors to the future, but there is only one that defines it.

 

Because of his miraculous escape from a tragic fire as an infant, Jay Novak has been told the angels watch over him, but he’s just a regular guy who is scarred by the childhood event, whose life has been a train wreck of bad decisions and broken dreams. When he loses a custody battle that allows his daughter to be taken across the country it becomes the last straw leaving Jay hiding from life.

Spawned by a violent attack in a foiled robbery attempt, a buried memory of how his mother used her body to shield him from the flames ascends upon him forcing Jay to confront the failures of his past… that is, until he meets Annie, a beautiful young woman whose wisdom and clarity are well beyond her years. She induces Jay to overcome the obstacles in his life. But ultimately, despite Annie’s warnings, the ghosts of Jay’s past leave him battling a murder rap, the bond between his childhood friends and most of all himself, leading him on a collision course with either his destiny or his demise.

 
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tags

action, angels and demons, death, good and evil, learning to live, love story, metaphysical, mystery, psychological, reflective, suspense

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Chapters

12

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11.

Annie sleeps.

I wake up early and decide to leave. Something doesn’t feel right staying here any longer. She lies so peacefully that waking her is not an option. After I get dressed, I stand over her, watching her for a couple minutes. In the darkness the soft pale moonlight illuminates her face. She is beautiful. She intrigues me. Witnessing her flare for life is something I have not seen in anyone before. Perhaps, life hasn’t ruined her yet. It’s hard to believe she’s so young yet our conversations are effortless and in each sentence, with each laugh and each touch seems to bridge the years between us. Lying there asleep, in total peace she looks so innocent. In a way it’s unnerving that I have this inner turmoil since I met her.

     Next to the phone on her nightstand I leave a note.

I couldn’t sleep.

You looked like an angel, so I didn’t want to wake you.

Call me later.

 

By walking out the door before she wakes I feel like I am discrediting the beautiful night we shared together, but I don’t know what else to do. I have to get out of here. I move back towards her.

Bending down, I give her a kiss on her forehead. Momentarily I pause, as it flashes me back to earlier in the night. Her hair still has the smell of apples and cinnamon just like when we were making love. Delicately, I place my hand on her cheek, touching the warmth of her body makes me want her again. God I don’t want to leave her, but something is drawing me outside.

Quietly, I exit the room, leaving the door slightly ajar conscious not to make a sound. Though the stairs are carpeted, cautiously I tiptoe carefully down each step. My own fear is closing in; I just don’t feel like I should be here anymore. Feeling like a swimmer who’s been under water to long trying to reach the surface, I can’t breathe, I need air. The walls are closing in as I reach for the door.

 Finally outside, the magic of the fresh air works wonders. I walk over to my Chevy Tahoe SUV and pray when it starts that it doesn’t wake her.

Leaving the lights off, I drive away in a slow crawl from her condo. I am free.

     For the first time in almost an entire day I get home. This is the longest I have been out of my house since I can remember. I am a creature of habit I guess. After going through the mail and throwing most of it out, I make my way up stairs, brush my teeth, undress and go off to bed.

Something still doesn’t feel right; there is a troublesome feeling inside me.

     Tossing and turning, I can’t sleep. It’s the old dream, it has come back to haunt me. Rolling around, not being able to get comfortable I give up. Sweating, I sit in bed thinking about it. In this dream I am confined, like I’m in a box, a coffin maybe, but there’s weight on me. This box has small cracks in what should be a resolute structure, just enough that I can recognize a blanket of flames surrounding me. But more frightening than what I see is what I can hear, loud bursts of flames crackling all around me, the breaking sound as the blaze eats all the oxygen while I am in this sarcophagus. Even more than the sound is the smell, the raunchy hair tingling odor, and there is no mistaking it, this box is not made of wood, for I am trapped in a human casket, under my mother.

I get out of bed and pace my house incessantly. Finally I make my way to the kitchen, open a cabinet and grab a bottle of scotch. A hard shot usually calms me enough to go back to sleep, but not tonight, something else is wrong.

Making my way over to the couch, I sit, flicking the channels between infomercials. I can’t take it anymore.

Restless, it is now four in the morning.  I need to do something to burn some energy, so I decide to take a walk.

    From my house the journey to Felton Farms is ten minutes by foot. The first five is a tiresome steep walk uphill. The next leg is a road less traveled, a skinny walkway that levels off and leads to the farm itself.  Both sides of the road are covered with a rock wall maybe a foot high and lined with trees acting like a tunnel that create a doorway along the road. The high fruitless trunks reach the night sky and finally form an archway overhead, giving a sensation of walking through an old wood covered bridge. This tunnel leads to an opening which is the actual community when our town was constructed over four hundred years ago. The houses and barns that encompass over three hundred acres of farmland and woods have all been preserved by the Historical Society, and are still an intricate part of our community’s economy. Immediately when I leave the tunnel I am met by two houses that were built during the seventeenth century.

     In the dark of night I never feel alone coming here, as if I’m watched, and maybe even followed. The spirits are very strong and have been throughout the years. There has always been a tingle, a chill up my spine when I come this way, but it is a warm frisson, not a cold chill. I swear in the younger of the two houses, every time I pass, I see a little girl looking through one of the windows on the top floor. She watches as though she wants to come out and play, but her mother won’t let her. I imagine that must have been her room while she was alive.

Passing these historical landmarks, I have entered the farm, and the spirits dissipate with the houses now behind me.

The main crop is apples, and as soon as I enter there are rows of apple trees surrounding me from all sides, stretching for acres. Also a conservation area, there are many footpaths and trails to explore through this evergreen wooded garden.

I pass the lightly lit flat parking lot around the main part of the farm and walk into the woods to be alone. The trails here are tricky at night and since the only source of light is the moon I stay on the main path most of the way. Tractors driving back and forth over the years made the path wide and open; there is no cover brush so the moonlight acts as my flashlight

On the left of the main path is a wide clearing used as a meeting place. Logs are split in half and placed in a big circle used as benches in front of a podium, like an old medieval forum.

Back in high school the four of us would hang here all the time. This was our secret clubhouse that we didn’t have to build. Only a few special chosen friends have seen it, mostly girls. This was when we used creative vision, where innocence led to the end of innocence. Growing up, we were all harmless really, just experimenting with whom we were, when we were all friends and thought nothing could separate us. And it was here surrounded by the beauty only nature could provide that I made my connection with the outdoors.

I remember one night here. We were fourteen and all had imaginations, thinking we found a dead body buried in the leaves of a missing girl that was on the news. Before we uncovered the body from the leaves we all practiced the lines we were going to use when the paper and the TV reporters interviewed us. The four of us were going to be famous for finding her. It turned out that what we thought was a dead body was just a rotted out old tree covered by leaves in the dark. We had good times. That night Christian took out his Swiss Army Knife, we all cut our left thumbs, and holding them together we became brothers forever. The four of us made pacts that night to our friendship. We were the Kings of the World, the coolest kids to ever walk the planet, best friends forever. One secret I have held forever, I couldn’t slice my thumb with the knife, but no one noticed.

Once I pass this clearing, there is another path just beyond the opening. Here is a rock big enough for me to sit on and meditate. On my left is the path that leads to the high school and the brush really starts to get thick. I had to walk these paths to go school every day for four years, so I know these woods pretty well from my childhood and still wouldn’t travel the heavy brush in the black of night.

Behind me are props used by schools and scouts in a program to help people get better acquainted with themselves in nature, It’s an obstacle course with wires that you can slide from tree to tree, logs to walk on for balance, nets to climb on and rock climbing walls. One night, the week before we entered high school, Gumball, despite our warnings, climbed one of the rock walls and fell breaking his arm and twisting up his ankle pretty good. Jack took immediate control, knowing I was the fastest runner he told me to go to Gumball’s house to get his mother, then picking up Gumball he carried him out of the woods. We all got yelled at that night. The next day Christian had all these bruises, it was common for him. He said he fell. Everyone always thought he was just a klutz, but I knew the truth, I just wasn’t ready to admit it and then it became forgotten. Plus all I could think of was how fearless and strong Jack was. I could only wonder what he would be like when he grew up because I wanted to be just like him.

I come here to be alone, but with the memories I carry from my childhood I am never lonely.

Tonight I sit on this rock and ponder why I‘ve been feeling anxious lately. In stillness I sit and slow my breathing. Taking deep breath, I inhale and bring my breath to the center of myself imagining nature entering my body. On the exhale I imagine everything my body no longer needs. Tension and negativity leave me. Eight breaths in and I am feeling my body sinking into the rock.

With my eyes closed my body acts as a vehicle taking me to another part of the woods.  Weightless, I feel myself glide over the forest of trees until I come to a stop. Opening my eyes, I am in another part of the farm, deeper in the apple orchard with the sun rising east over the trees. There’s a glass case suspended in air with a body. The body is pale and her arms cross her chest. Why does she sleep so still?  Wearing an elegant gown of white, she is holding a rose but I can’t make out who she is, I need to concentrate more on her face. I move closer to her, gliding through the air. The face is clearer now, pale skin, red lips and brownish black hair, it looks like Annie, but it isn’t Annie.  She looks more marionette than real, like a porcelain doll.  Her skin has turned to winter white, looking like freshly fallen snow. Painted red lips look so cold on her right now, and the rose, the rose is freshly picked, the stem is crisp and the leaves are bright green, but it is encased in this frozen tomb.

    Under the glass case is a half eaten apple.  Scanning my surroundings I notice a serpent slithering in a tree, staring at me.

 

Chapters

12

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gtrmojo1 wrote 351 days ago

This story is fascinating. It started out with a bang and I don't know how you do it but every chapter keeps getting better. Steve, I especially like the way you take this story to another level starting around chapter 6, but around chapter 10 you escalate it again. Short and concise chapters keep the flow going well. Great work and I highly starred this.

Dianna Lanser wrote 375 days ago

Hi Steve,

I stopped by to read some of your book as a favor to Pixiedust27 who is backing my book. I read through Chapter 5 tonight so this review will be over them.

I was really impressed with your story. I especially loved the prologue. You had some great lines. My favorite was:

“This is how I learn giving is a gift.” I knew right away, I’d read more.

You do such a wonderful job creating atmosphere in your writing. That opening scene in chapter one is quite tense. Good job. And the narrator’s voice is the real thing. His reactions to the different circumstances in his life make him very believable. There’s fear and hopelessness, and anger, and regret and he’s not afraid to let it show.

I also loved the glimpse of his fatherly love for his daughter. That is quite tender. That important connection between the character and your reader is achieved through the emotional scenes in your book. The reader is lured in right away at the very first chapter. Not too many people can do that.

I’m curious how the friendship between the narrator, gumball and Jack will develop in the story - there are some great dynamics going on already. I love what Jack said in chapter 4 “I’m the one with the gun. You should always listen to the man with the gun.“


You are a very talented writer and the story line is well thought out. I think you will go far with this. Six stars!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

P.S. I hope you don’t ming me pointing out some easy fixes.

Chapter 2 “Watching him walk pass (past) the window gives me an uneasy feeling.”

Chapter 3 “The problem I have is that I’ve had to (I?) tiptoe on this line all too often.”

“Now that everything is safe, I start to feel myself beginning to shaking (shake), going into shock.”

Chapter 5 “I love you. Daddy misses you so much. I wish I can (could) give you a big hug right now.”

ann.d wrote 377 days ago

OMG!!! What a great read...Your characters are so believable that I relate to everyone one of them. Jay is a wonderful main Character but I think Annie steals the show, she has a way about her that I can't wait to see where you bring this story...I have read every chapter that you put up here and would like more please. The story is very captivating and other than a couple small mistakes I can't believe this isn't a published novel. I wish you the best in your endeavor and keep writing...I am now a fan.

J. Owen wrote 405 days ago

Steve,

Great prologue. Great first chapter. Great second chap—I’ve made my point. Truth is, I could keep going like this for at least 8 chapters... I read through to the end of chapter eight. And you didn’t put a foot wrong, Sir. Such character depth, emotion, and realism. In fact it’s so real, that I’m actually left wondering if this is indeed fiction! Damn, you weave a good tale. I love the narrative, and the thought processes – you have put consciousness on a page, and for that I applaud you.

I’m sure you’ve guessed the star rating.

Best wishes for the ED,
J.

Jannypeacock wrote 411 days ago

Hi Steve,

Your pitch grabbed my attention so strongly I couldn’t walk away without reading a few chapters.
This is very accomplished writing. I would struggle to find something technical to nit-pick about so I’ll just say that I really like your work. The language is elaborate but never stuffy or forced. Jay is a strong character and although his life is difficult you have giving him a strong sense of place which as a reader I find really helps me attach to both Jay and the story.

There is a somewhat unique crossover of genres here so I imagine this would have very broad appeal. I’m delighted to have this on my shelf and I hope to watch it rise quickly.

Best of luck

Janny

Andrea Taylor wrote 71 days ago

This is an exceptional story; not just the idea itself, but the manner in which you tell it. You lead us gently by the nose and drop little snippets of info to make us want more. A class act!
WL and BS soon.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair
I'd appreciate a return read if you have time

MC Storm wrote 101 days ago

I was hooked right from the very start. I loved your vivd description of Goat man. I couldn't tear myself away before reading a few chapters.Jay is a great character, you paint him so well. He refused to die. I given this high stars and have placed it on my shelf.
Well done!
MC
Exposed

Lenny Banks wrote 279 days ago

Hi Steve, I read chapter 4 (5 on here). This is a very well written emotional journey. You have a great command over words and describe everything perfectly. The pitch is good and the dialogue what you would expect people in that situation to say. Well Done

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock.

Abby Vandiver wrote 287 days ago

I read two chapters and the Prologue. I like that your chapters are short. I wish I could cut out some words on mine! I wished Chapter 2 told more about this stabbing but I see your plan is to make me read more, which I will do later. The pitch doesn't sound like it goes with this book. I had to go back and look at it. I like the Prologue but I think there is a lot of description there. Good start.

Cariad wrote 313 days ago

A longer chapter, chapter four. I like a change of length. Gutsy chapter, with a good ending - now I have to turn the page to see who's on the phone. Shall keep reading and comment again at the end.

Cariad wrote 313 days ago

'hope is supposed to be the anchor of our souls...' love that.

He does a lot of complaining in this chapter, but it is saved by his other comments that balance it, and who could blame him in any case? Good bit of backstory here, and again some lovely use of language.

Cariad wrote 313 days ago

I like your writing style. It's very readable, but has an unusual phrasing or something.... it seems different to me, and a recognisable quality. Like your description and the way you make it very easy to visualise your characters and setting. Wanted to turn over, which I am now doing, on to chapter two.....

Couple of typos, comments on chapter one:

'Watching him walk pass the window...' - should be 'past'
'... a welcoming feel of a cathedral...' - 'the welcoming...' ?
'paneling' should have two ll s.

Maevesleibhin wrote 323 days ago

A Fallen Feather
Steve,
I have read everything  you have posted. 
There are some books on authonomy that I don't know what to do with. Books that I find captivating and disappointing at the same time. And it is hard to say why. I think that, if I had to tell you why, I would say that you do not commit enough, that you wander about a bit too much in the section posted. Although you have good character development of your main character, I find the plot a bit stretched with all these women rushing about him. His relationship with his friends is a bit forced- the characters are somewhat caricatures. 
At the same time Jay is a good character, particularly because of what happened in his youth. There was something compelling, something that made me read on. 
And the interactions with all the women was good and interesting. It is just that, I feel, there are too many of them, and introduced too quickly - his ex-wife, Sandy, his girl friend, the woman at the bank - and to this is added his messed-up memory of his mother. There seem to be a lot of women in his life, and it is a bit difficult to know where you are going with it, plus it makes him look a bit like a casanova,  which I don't think you are shooting for.
His friends, as I said earlier, are a little bit exaggerated  - on one hand, Christian, the maniac Neo Nazi, and on the other side a cop who is Jay's hero.
The scene where he discovers the little girl stuck in the well is an example. I cannot quite understand why it is there, except as a way to show me how much Jay admires his friend. Why do we see Christian berate his girlfriend? Why are we reminiscing about his youth quite so much? 
So, in essence, I think I would want you to focus on one or two relationships at a time - develop them further so that I can feel involved and understand this character better. I would want you to fix on Annie and keep the other two women out of the picture entirely, at least for now. Between his memories of his dead mother and his ex-wife, I have enough CD to process. I would even want you to tone down Chris, and maybe even get rid of the scene at the well. Either that, or let me know in the section you posted why these scenes are significant.  But, IMHO, you have enough work with Jay's character. He had a traumatic experience as a small child. He has this wonderful young woman who is showing him how to live again. If I am asked to also think about how Christian was screwed up because his father beat him, and about what a manipulative character Sandy was, etc. my attention is diluted.
Hook and Plot- I found the scene with the homeless man at the beginning to be in retrospect a portent of things to come. It is really unclear to me what this scene has to do with anything. 
Yet something hooked me, and I am not sure what. It may be the preface, or the story of the fire. There was something compelling that made me read on. But I kept wondering where it was you were going. I found it just a little aimless.
Character development- I have touched on this before. Again, I think there are too  many women- too many characters that get in the way  of this otherwise engaging character.
The writing was strong. I was not taking notes, but neither did I notice too many typos.
I hope these comments are helpful.
Best of luck with it,
Maeve

Philthy wrote 328 days ago

Hi Steve,
I’m here to check out your book at the request of one of your fans :). Below are my findings/comments. They are my humblest opinions and just initial impressions, so take them for whatever they’re worth. You know your book better than I do, after all.
Prologue
Should be a comma after “close” (subordinate clause)
“I’d be lying to you if I told you” can be condensed to “I’d be lying if I told you,” and you would also avoid the double “yous” in there
The semicolon after “death” should be a comma. Semicolons are generally for separating two independent clauses that may be closely linked. The latter half is not an independent clause.
You need a comma after “Most times” for clarity.
“Most times” and “At times” are a bit too close in proximity. I’d change the second one up so you’re not using “times” again.
Extremely poetic opening. Sometimes I feel like it’s over the top though. It could use a little smoothing out, but it’s well-written and interesting.
Chapter 1
“worn out” should be hyphenated here as it precedes what it modifies.
“And there’s something wrong…” this is a run-on sentence. You need a comma or semicolon after “walk.”
Separate sequences of adjectives with commas (i.e., A warm, feverish wave)
“small restaurant” what makes it small? This is a point where showing really is necessary over telling. “Small” is a weak descriptive word, as it can be relative and meaning different things to different readers.
This is an excellent start to a story. You draw the reader with skillfully-written hooks and wonderful prose that’s almost lyrical. I think it still needs some polish, especially when it comes to punctuation and readability. This isn’t a negative, only that there’s some smoothing out to do, which is something every story has to go through. That said, this is strong writing and it comes to no surprise to see it doing so well here.
High stars and best of luck.
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

tcat61 wrote 331 days ago

I did it!

animmrod wrote 338 days ago

I have read a few more chapters. You bring the words alive as if you paint them on the paper. Cool stuff.

Cara Gold wrote 338 days ago

{A Fallen Feather} – Steve Muntsy

I’ve read the prologue and first three chapters, loving it so far. The prologue is captivating, reflective and powerful images too.

Chapter 1 contrasts, it began a little slower but picked up pace and hooked my attention before long. I like the contrast with the restaurant being a ‘cathedral’, but then the threat that arrived.

Chapter 2 – great getting inside Jay’s head. You portray his thoughts well, develop complexity to his character, and engage the reader. Backstory is infused without making it feel heavy and ‘info overloading’ Nice foreboding end to the chapter, pulling readers on.

Chapter 3, back in the restaurant, what a gripping opening paragraph! High tension throughout, but balanced with more background details. You have a good grasp on varying the rhythm/pace of your story. Once again, nice hook!

Congratulations on a terrific read so far :) I’ve also made some detailed notes on chapters 1 and 2 in thanks for all your support of ‘Dawn of Destruction’. I’ll see if I can do some more too, as I continue reading! Overall this is very polished and I’ve given you 6 stars, will support soon when you need it. Great stuff, keep up your good work

Cara
------
Chapter 1 detailed notes;

‘because it is my space’ this felt a little awkwardly phrased to me, not sure why…

‘he enters’ ‘everyone is unaware of the potential danger that just entered’ perhaps ‘just arrived’ in second sentence to avoid the repetition?

I’d say simply ‘a rigid look about him like an old biker; solid, steady and unwavering’ → simpler and smoother?

Perhaps ‘His eyes widen’? smoother?

I’d say ‘The horrible stench overwhelms my nostrils’ → more vivid and engaging?

Chapter 2;

I’d full stop ‘linked together for us to enjoy. But sometimes things just …’ → smoother read? The sentence felt a little long, distracting from its impact

‘but things didn’t work out that way’ → sort of feels repetitive after opening sentence. Perhaps, ‘life didn’t take that turn.’

‘Subconsciously I must remember it’ → this sentence confused me a little…

I’d fulls top ‘lets be truthful. We all feel like this at some point

culeguy wrote 342 days ago

I've read the first 5 ... I need to read some more. I'll get back to you soon.

animmrod wrote 342 days ago

Dude, great book, when I read it I see colors. This is awesome stuff.

godyzarc wrote 344 days ago

looks to be an interesting story. obviously it took considerable time to write. if I may offer a suggestion? in places the story stumbles. it doesnt flow, it seems disconnected. not the material, you get the point across. its how the point is made, the mechanics.

hawk

godyzarc wrote 344 days ago

looks to be an interesting story. obviously it took considerable time to write. if I may offer a suggestion? in places the story stumbles. it doesnt flow, it seems disconnected. not the material, you get the point across. its how the point is made, the mechanics.

hawk

pixiedust27 wrote 344 days ago

How did you create these characters, they seem so real..I get goose bumps reading as if they are real rather than make believe.

ann.d wrote 344 days ago

I have come back to read more of your story as promised. I thought I liked the first chapters but you just keep going and making them better...You have me captivated in this story...I love the character Annie, I feel she is the major part of what is going to come. Really, really, great writing.

sparky1988 wrote 344 days ago
sparky1988 wrote 344 days ago

Dude, tense scene with the "Goat" man, you drew me in. I have done six chapters and I have to say you have built up the frame of mind of your MC Jay..I can relate, he is me, and everyone else for that matter.

satc wrote 344 days ago

Great read, smooth flow, strong characters and you descriptions really paint a picture...I would recommend this to anyone who wants to get lost in a story.

gtrmojo1 wrote 351 days ago

This story is fascinating. It started out with a bang and I don't know how you do it but every chapter keeps getting better. Steve, I especially like the way you take this story to another level starting around chapter 6, but around chapter 10 you escalate it again. Short and concise chapters keep the flow going well. Great work and I highly starred this.

J C Michael wrote 361 days ago

Pixie dust asked me to take a look at this and since I'd seen your book on a few shelves I had high expectations. Fortunately I wasn't dissapointed. If I'm honest I didn't find the opening as intense as some other readers appear to have done but that doesn't matter when the story is good enough as it is. There is a definite element of intrigue and a sense of impending trouble ahead for Jay, as insinuated by Willie.
I didn't spit any glaring typos in the four chapters I read but I'm not that great with grammar myself do I can't say it's perfect, just that it's good enough for me.
Overall a strong start and I expect you to continue to do well and progress towards the desk.
Best wishes,
James

Camac wrote 361 days ago

Steve - an intense opening. I'm sure many of us have imagined ourselves caught in knife-wielding, customer-from-hell situation such as you describe. Interesting characters and taut dialogue. Highly starred and I'll be back for more.

Camac Johnson
Hemingway Quest

ItsaSecret wrote 365 days ago

Hi Steve,

I had a moment to read the prologue first three chapters and wow... I found myself cringing at times (the knife, the descriptions of the fire, mother's charred body-that one made me cry- and the back of the knee kick). You have a way with words, a very good way!

I'm hooked and will be back to read the rest and comment as I go!

Only thing I can mention editorial wise is missing commas and chapter 3 has some weird and seemingly random tabs...

Highly starred and will find room on my shelf for this soon!

Ashley - The Vedeine Saga: Deception and The Lost

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 366 days ago

Steve,
This is a really compelling read, and is brimming with a contant purr of intensity.
Also, the emotional side to the story is very touching, and stands out on a personal level.
I used to live with a complete bitch similar to your lead character, and have issues with access to my kids, so this clicked buttons inside my head in memory of my past when reading along.
I will definitely be back to read the second half as soon as possible.
Jamie Tubbs.

GoldenBliss wrote 366 days ago

Hello Steve,
Very heart felt story! I love how you built Jay's character to confront his fears and failures, and at the end of the storm there was a silver lining Annie. You have a very unique writing style with great creativity. :) I am sure this book will go very far. Good luck with making it to the ED! :)

Andrea Collins
Immortal Lovers The Ultimate Sacrifice

Kerrin wrote 368 days ago

You are an excellent writer. I really enjoyed the few chapters I read; there was great suspense during the stare-off between the "goat" and Jay. Really great job.

Kerrin Krainis
Wings

Wanttobeawriter wrote 368 days ago

FALLEN FEATHER
This is a good story. Jay is a likable character from the start; he’s immediately also sympathetic because of the knife being held against his throat. I opened this book because I liked the title not because I read the pitch. So I had a problem until the third chapter knowing whether the narrator was male or female. Is there a way to make that clear in the first chapter? I know he wears a t-shirt and his name is Jay but gals wear t-shirts too and Jay is sort of unisex. Either way, you have a good read here. Surviving a fire under your dead mother’s body has to change your life; makes a reader want to know how that could influence everything that comes after. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Su Dan wrote 368 days ago

great fantasy with brilliant desriptive narrative...and dialogue...
backed...
read SEASONS...

Bananaanna wrote 368 days ago

Well done

JamesRevoir wrote 369 days ago

Hello Steve:

This is amazing writing on so many levels. It incorporates so many elements of what makes a successful novel:
Vivid descriptiveness, suspense from the very outset, and a window into the soul of the narrator as he reflects upon and processes the events of his life. I think that the feelings of regret over broken dreams resonate with many people, and in so doing, have the effect of the reader connecting with the narrator.

I see wonderful, potential success in this work. Blessings to you.

James

Debbie R wrote 369 days ago

Have read first eight chapters. What a beautiful preface.

You have strong characters, great dialogue and a perfect pace to your book.

There are phrases you use that I wish I had thought of.

Starring it highly and wishing you all the best of luck

Debbie

TDonna wrote 369 days ago

Steve, your pitch was intriguing. A Fallen Feather's on my WL to read as soon as I can :) My life had that defining moment that you describe at Bucharest's North Station when I boarded the Orient Express for the Occident. It's in chapter 1 of my book, No Kiss Good-bye, if you have a chance to have a look.
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Lourdes wrote 369 days ago

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, Steve. I read four chapters of the Fallen Feather tonight, and i commend you on your writing and the plot you created. I especially enjoyed the message of friendship between Jay and his friends.
My favourite phrase:
"Leaving me with nothing but the uncomfortable ability of embedding my gaze within his absolute loneliness."
I look forward to reading more of your story.
High stars.:)
Best
Maria xxx
"The Path to Survival"

Nancy Lopez wrote 370 days ago

Hi, Steve,

Wow, what great use of words. That prologue swayed as a lullaby.
First sentece in chapter 1 held my attention.
I got to chapter 4. It was a fast and easy read. Despite the tragic situation, all the characters name were creative. Great idea.
Your paragraghs breaks were well executed. Your senteces were original and consistant. You must be writing for a while now. Pacing and flow is hard. Voice harder. You've got all that here.
Your chapters end with an insightful turn over page.
It's interesting that your chapter 3 is all his point of view and the story stays in his world. I get a lot of slack on this because my chapter 3 does the same. Don't know if it's wrong because I like it that way or I'm being stubborn. So--I like the chapter.

Your writing feels natural. I found no parts where it was stuffy or overkill.

A pleasurable read.
Happy writing,
Nancy
Highly starred. . .

stevieluvsalex wrote 370 days ago

Wow. That was an incredible beginning. What a wonderful way with words you have. :))

stevieluvsalex wrote 370 days ago

Wow. That was an incredible beginning. What a wonderful way with words you have. :))

stevieluvsalex wrote 370 days ago

Wow. That was an incredible beginning. What a wonderful way with words you have. :))

Tony C wrote 370 days ago

Believable dialogue here, but I've got the feeling I've kind of heard the likes of it a number of times. Hope therefore that this is leading to somewhere compelling, a little different.

Tony C wrote 370 days ago

A nice layering on of further intrigue and tension.

Tony C wrote 370 days ago

That quickened my pulse. A kind of eerie tension and atmosphere that seemed very real. The concluding sinking of the knife 'passing through the cotton barrier of my t-shirt' is just one example of the good use of evocative language in this opener.

Cariad wrote 372 days ago

Interesting read. Something very intriguing about it. I read to the end of the first chapter and it passed the test of 'do I want to turn over and read more?' I did. In turns mysterious, disturbing, graphic and menacing, I thought it had a great atmosphere where I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. Very much liked the chapter one piece. I thought it was a great opening. One small typo chapter two, near the start - '...walk pass the window...' should be past the window. Otherwise... I'm going to star it and keep on reading to see how you develop it.
Cariad.

J.S.Watts wrote 372 days ago

An intriguing opening. There is a lyrical and elegiac feel to it. In the first paragraph I can feel the narrator drifting off and away. The subsequent paragraphs are just as intriguing, but feel like he is making a sudden rally: more with us than leaving us.

Chapter one is hooking me in, but can ash really be “sullen” and do cathedrals feel welcoming? The chapter ends on a good hook. Chapter two is short and to the point, though I found myself wanting more story than back story, but perhaps that’s my impatience because the tone and style is making for a page-turner of a book.

The narrative voice is good – credible and conversational – and the writing is stylish.

Based on what I have read, you might want to look at some of the punctuation and the use of appropriate imagery.

Good luck with this.

J.S.Watts
Witchlight

LynetteO wrote 373 days ago

Hi Steve,
I read this book in 2 sittings. Once I started I could not put it down.... I had some OMG moments where my jaw was literally open and I was left shaking my head..... Truly an amazing journey.
Lynette

LynetteO wrote 373 days ago

Hi Steve,
I read this book in 2 sittings. Once I started I could not put it down.... I had some OMG moments where my jaw was literally open and I was left shaking my head..... Truly an amazing journey.
Lynette

Bryans mom wrote 374 days ago

Hi Steve,
Very thought out story line, draws you and won't let go.. very impressed... you are a true talent.. Is there another book? I would be interested in reading it if there is....

Bryan's mom

Dianna Lanser wrote 375 days ago

Hi Steve,

I stopped by to read some of your book as a favor to Pixiedust27 who is backing my book. I read through Chapter 5 tonight so this review will be over them.

I was really impressed with your story. I especially loved the prologue. You had some great lines. My favorite was:

“This is how I learn giving is a gift.” I knew right away, I’d read more.

You do such a wonderful job creating atmosphere in your writing. That opening scene in chapter one is quite tense. Good job. And the narrator’s voice is the real thing. His reactions to the different circumstances in his life make him very believable. There’s fear and hopelessness, and anger, and regret and he’s not afraid to let it show.

I also loved the glimpse of his fatherly love for his daughter. That is quite tender. That important connection between the character and your reader is achieved through the emotional scenes in your book. The reader is lured in right away at the very first chapter. Not too many people can do that.

I’m curious how the friendship between the narrator, gumball and Jack will develop in the story - there are some great dynamics going on already. I love what Jack said in chapter 4 “I’m the one with the gun. You should always listen to the man with the gun.“


You are a very talented writer and the story line is well thought out. I think you will go far with this. Six stars!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

P.S. I hope you don’t ming me pointing out some easy fixes.

Chapter 2 “Watching him walk pass (past) the window gives me an uneasy feeling.”

Chapter 3 “The problem I have is that I’ve had to (I?) tiptoe on this line all too often.”

“Now that everything is safe, I start to feel myself beginning to shaking (shake), going into shock.”

Chapter 5 “I love you. Daddy misses you so much. I wish I can (could) give you a big hug right now.”

DrPhilth wrote 375 days ago

The characters in this novel seem life-like, almost as if this is a biography written fictionally. I'm assuming the title plays a major role in the story but this selection of chapters does not provide any information on that. Overall, these chapters are full of creative writing and I really want to see more!

DrPhilth wrote 375 days ago

The characters in this novel seem life-like, almost as if this is a biography written fictionally. I'm assuming the title plays a major role in the story but this selection of chapters does not provide any information on that. Overall, these chapters are full of creative writing and I really want to see more!

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