Book Jacket

 

rank 1316
word count 80617
date submitted 07.04.2012
date updated 07.11.2012
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Horror
classification: moderate
complete

Devil in the Details

Tamara Hickman

When Riesa finds a journal in her deceased grandfather’s attic, she learns that her memories are false and the demon trapped inside is the key.

 

Atlanta city girl, Riesa Grimshaw, has been estranged from overbearing grandfather for seven years. Now, after the death of her grandfather leaves her the only surviving member of the Grimshaw family, Riesa returns to get her grandfather’s backwater country home ready for sale or rent, only to find clues that the past she remembers isn’t real. Matters are further complicated when she accidentally releases a demon from a journal that has been hidden in the attic for the past seven years. Things are bad enough with altered memories, an accidental demon familiar, and a family curse riding on Riesa's back, but when cryptic messages and slaughtered animals start showing up in Riesa's path, she knows that this is only the beginning.

Devil in the Details is a modern supernatural fantasy that delves into the world of demons, angels, and family secrets, set in the small town of Salem, Alabama. Fans of Charlaine Harris, Patricia Briggs, and Laurell K. Hamilton may also find a new favorite with this novel.

 
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tags

angel, demon, demonology, fantasy, fiction, hoodoo, magic, mystery, romance, supernatural

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Awakened

 

 

 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Awakened

 

    I woke up in a room that wasn’t mine, with Jasper curled up at my feet. It was early morning, I could hear the roosters crowing, but this room wasn’t flooded with sunlight. It was dimmer, and the furniture was overall darker, red oak, from what I could tell. It was a more masculine bedroom. It took me a few moments to organize my thoughts enough to realize that I was in my grandfather’s bedroom. I double checked and saw that I was now dressed in my bathrobe. I almost blushed at the faint memory of Phil helping me put on the robe, but I simply lacked the willpower to care.

    Phil was sleeping in the chair next to the bed, his head leaning on the mattress. My brain was finally catching up, and it didn’t like where it was. It was a nasty head-space to be in. Greg had used me, proposed to use me again for his demonic purposes, and then vanished. Phil came and held me while I cried, and then he must have brought me down here. I had to admit that it was very thoughtful of him. I didn’t think that I could have handled sleeping, much less waking, in my own bed after last night.

    I watched the red headed demon sleep. I strongly resisted the urge to run my fingers through his hair, like a puppy dog. He was a demon. One of them. I was afraid to trust him, but wanted nothing more than to trust him fully. I needed a friend. I noticed that he was still wearing the same thing that he had been wearing last night. He must have come straight home and up to my room to tell me something important. But then… I thought that there had to be some explanation, something that I had missed. Greg would not have done that. We dated for the past six months, and I was certain that I would have known if he was really a demon out to get me. Wouldn’t I?

    I sat up and moved to get out of the bed, and Jasper moved as well, scampering out of the room. The movement of the mattress woke Phil up.

    “Morning,” I said, without feeling, and without ever really looking at him. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes after last night. I could only guess what he must have thought of me. I went to leave, but he lightly put his hand on my wrist.

    “Wait, Riesa,” he said, “I need to tell you something.”

    I looked in the opposite direction and said, “Tell me later.” I wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. Not yet.

    His hand dropped, and he let me leave the bedroom, but before I did, he said, “I called Clarice. She’s in the kitchen.” He sounded dejected. I hated myself because I knew it was my fault.

    I nodded and walked on down the hall. I took a turn and walked up the stairs first, grabbing a clean outfit. I walked a wide path around my bed and went straight to my shower. I looked down at my arm, and took off the bandage that Greg had dressed it with, throwing it in the trash. Even if I had still needed the bandage, I wanted nothing to do with it. I got clean, and then got dressed; nothing fancy, just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I looked examined my arm one last time and decided to let it be for the time being. I didn’t even think that getting dolled up could make me feel better this morning. I left my room and my stomach growled at the smells of breakfast cooking in the kitchen. It was obvious that Clarice was here.

    By the time I got downstairs, Phil was in the kitchen with Clarice, drinking a cup of coffee. He had gotten cleaned up as well, because he had changed his cloths. This time it was jeans and what was probably the worst looking green and purple short sleeved plaid shirt that I had ever seen. Seeing that shirt almost made me feel like myself again. Almost. I failed to make a comment and continued straight to the coffee cups.

    “You go sit down, honey. I’ll bring you something to eat,” she shooed me away back to the table. She caught a glimpse of my arm and examined it a bit. She made a “tisk” sound, and pointed again to the chair. I sat down obediently beside Phil and waited patiently as she poured coffee into a cup and handed it to me, along with some creamer and sugar, in actual creamer and sugar servers. I didn’t even know my grandfather had anything like that. I wondered for a moment if Clarice had brought it with her, or if she just knew my grandfather’s house better than I had guessed.

    Phil stood up. “I’m going out for a bit,” he stated. I nodded at him, and Clarice ignored him.

    I fixed my coffee, heavy on the creamer, light on the sugar, and sipped it. Clarice brought a couple of plates of fried eggs and bacon with toast, and put them down in front of us. She stood back and frowned. “The two of you look like you are getting ready to head out to your own funerals. I’ve seen beheaded chickens act more lively than you.” She commented distastefully. I took a bite so that I wouldn’t have to answer.

    “This is delicious, Clarice,” I said. “Thank you.” I think the toast was my favorite part. I was feeling sick to my stomach and dry was just what I needed. A major upset will do that to a person. Plus, I was beyond the greater echelons of embarrassment. It was safe to assume that this woman who was much like a grandmother to me knew what had happened last night, and I was not looking forward to discussing it.

    She sat down across from me with a cup of coffee and nodded. “Anything you need, honey,” she said and drank her coffee. I saw her look at me out of the corner of my eye. She cleared her throat. “Azaraphel told me everything,” she said. My heart dropped into my stomach. I really didn’t want to talk about it. “I have my doubts about that demon, but he’s done right by you, for the most part. You need to talk to him.”

    “Yeah, I’ll get around to it,” I replied.

    She gave one of those sighs that told me I was being exasperating. “Look, honey, It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t Azaraphel’s fault, it wasn’t my fault. None of us could have known the truth about that womanizing demon, so don’t you wallow in self pity. It won’t hurt him a bit, and it only makes all of us miserable.”

    It was good advice. I acknowledged her with a nod, and we finished our breakfast in silence. I ate my toast and a little of the eggs and bacon, and gave up on the rest.

    I opted to clean the kitchen, and Clarice could not dissuade me from doing it. I needed to do something productive. She did maintain her spot at the table, and watched me while she sipped her coffee. Phil came back in through the back door with my cat in his arms while I was watching the dishes. He brushed against me as he tried to pass, sending a shiver down my spine. I recognized it as his energy. It was positively humming.

    “Sorry,” he said softly enough for me to hear. He grabbed a bowl and a can of tuna out of the cabinet. He was spoiling my cat, but at least Jasper got fed.

    He put the tabby by the back door with the bowl and sat down next to Clarice. They both kept watching me as if they thought I should be on bed rest or suicide watch. I wasn’t sure what made me more furious; being used and betrayed or being treated like a fragile person to walk on eggshells around afterward. By the time I had the kitchen clean I think that my ire had met full fruition. I wiped one last dish dry, put it in the cabinet, and closed the door with a decisive thud. And then, I turned to my friends.

    “Okay, let’s get this over with,” I said. I looked at Phil, “So, you told Clarice everything already?”

    He nodded. “Yes. Even the stuff that I haven’t told you yet,” he replied.

    “Then tell me,” I said, sitting down at the end of the table, between him and Clarice. “How did things go all to hell without me seeing it coming?”

    He cleared his throat and put the Goetica Grimshaw on the table. “I realized who Mister B was, last night on the walk home. I was clearing my head and sorting out everything that Gamori had said, when it hit me. She had said ‘Gregory Behr sends his love’ and then later said that he was safe and at your house.” He looked pointedly at me. “I’ve known Gamori for centuries, if you didn’t notice, and I can tell when she is lying. She was playing my emotions as much as she was playing yours last night, and it wasn’t until after you had left that I realized that she was telling the truth both times.” He slid the Goetica Grimshaw towards me and showed me a name. Bael-Gregorovich. Gregorovich was a Russian demonologist who perfected his art, so to speak. He made a pact so complete as to fully merge himself with the king Bael, and become a demon in his own right. He holds the power of a King, even though he is not, himself, one of the fallen host. Power over invisibility, knowledge of the mystic arts, and power over sexuality, which is Gamori’s specialty, if you haven’t noticed.” 

    I looked at the full entry and read it. It had a bit more to it, but Phil had practically summarized it perfectly. I noticed that teaches knowledge of the mystic arts perfectly and instantaneously was heavily underlined. “Did you do this?” I asked Phil. He shook his head.

    “Your grandfather did,” Clarice spoke up. I looked at her. “He told me once, about a type of demon. One that offers power, lots of it, but at a heavy price. Do you remember, honey, that first night when I brought you home? I tried to warn you about certain kinds of demons.” I nodded. “Well, that time I was speaking about an incubus.”

    “Why would my grandfather…” I began to ask, but then it clicked. “He summoned Bael-Gregorovich so that he could learn the mystic arts from him.”

    Clarice nodded. “I am afraid that may be the case.”

    “What kind of pact did he make?” I asked, even though I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer.

    She shook her head. “I don’t know, honey,” she said with a dejected sigh. “I wish I did, but he never told me. I think he was too ashamed.”

    I looked at Phil, but he shook his head as well. “Well,” I said, getting up from the table, “This has been swell, but I think that it is time me and Gramps had a chat. How many more nights until the full moon?” I asked.

    “Three,” Clarice replied.

    “Plenty of time to renew your amulet and take a few precautions,” Phil added. I nodded at him.

    I looked out the door, towards the shed and then had a nasty thought. “He never left.” I said. Everything was starting to click together. “He told me that he was going back to Atlanta for work, but he never left Salem. I’ll bet just about anything that he was the one who staged the deer, and set fire to the library, and killed Phil and set it up so that I’d bring him back.”

    Phil shook his head. “No, I don’t think that he is the one who left the spell. I don’t doubt that he’d kill me, but he would have left me dead. With me next to you, you have more power to withstand him, and that would not fit into whatever his plans were.”

    I frowned at him. “Then what about the fire and the Krampus? Why is he trying to kill me?”

    “I don’t think that you were his target, honey,” Clarice answered.

    Phil agreed with her. “Greg knew that I was doing the research in Toliver’s journals. His goal was the books, and possibly me if he could get me.”

    Clarice nodded once at Phil. It was a small concession. “I was suppose to be the one helping Holly with the Bad Man. And if you remember, Holly and Greg are acquaintances.”

    I blanched. “You don’t think that Holly was in on it do you?”

    She shook her head. “No. That child is too honest, and too good of a mother. She just had the bad luck to meet up with the wrong man.”

    “So, Greg was trying to get rid of the both of you,” I summarized, letting it sink in. “The next time I see him, I’m going to castrate him and make him eat his own balls for breakfast.”

    “Wow,” Phil whistled. “The amazing thing is that she means every word of that,” he whispered to Clarice, who harrumphed at him.

    “I need to find a way to break Grandfather’s spell,” I said. “The one replacing my real memories with these crappy fake ones,” I clarified. “Bael said things about my past, and I want to know if they are true.” I looked at Phil. “Do you remember seeing Greg anywhere in my past?”

    He shook his head. “No, but that doesn’t prove anything.”

    Clarice nodded. “I’ll look and see what I can do, but without knowing what exactly your grandfather did, it will be like trying to find the right door in a room full of keyholes.”

    I shrugged, tapping Phil on the shoulder. “Whatever works,” I replied. “Come on, Red, it’s time to do some ritualistic burning, starting with that shirt.”

    I was feeling much better now that the righteous anger had set in.

* * *

    Clarice gave me a hug and returned to her house once she was convinced that I was going to be okay. I hated to worry my oldest friend, but I suppose she wouldn’t be as great a friend as she was if she didn’t worry. I watched her drive away from the doorway and wondered what my life would have been like if I had never forgotten her. There would probably have been a lot of mistakes that I wouldn’t have made. But there was no use in crying over spilled milk, as she would no doubt say, and I just counted myself lucky that I could count her as my oldest friend now.

    I turned and snapped my fingers at Phil. “Okay, Red, time to get to work.”

    He raised an eyebrow at me. “What do you have in mind?”

    I headed towards the stairs. “That ritualistic burning, remember? I wasn’t kidding.”

    He laughed at me, but followed me anyway. “Whatever makes you happy,” He replied.

    “This will make me very happy, indeed,” I replied, opening the window. I bundled up all the sheets from my bed and threw them out into the front yard. I held out my hand to Phil, who looked at me with that raised eyebrow.

    “What?” He asked.

    I pointed at his shirt and waved my hand in the universal “gimme” gesture. “Hand it over. It’s getting burned too.”

    He crossed his hands over his chest. “I don’t think so. This shirt has done nothing to you.”

    I crossed my arms as well and gave him the evil eye. “I beg to differ. Every time I look at that hideous green and purple plaid, it makes me think of moldy eggplant, and that makes me want to throw up. Plus it clashes terribly with your hair, and I can’t stand it. Hand over the shirt now, or I will fine a way to make your life a living hell for the next 48 hours.”

    He uncrossed his arms and gave a sigh of resignation. I held out my hand expectantly while I waited for him to unbutton his shirt and take it off. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed that he was actually wearing a white undershirt. I chuckled a little. “By the way, no more raiding my grandfather’s closet. I absolutely forbid it.”

    He threw the shirt at me and I threw it out the window with the rest of the linens. It felt very satisfying.

    “Is that all, madam?” he asked, sounding amused.

    I shook my head and started pulling the full mattress off of my bed. “No. This won’t fit in the window. Help me get it outside.”

    “Riesa…” he started, before I cut him off.

    “No! No ‘ifs’, ‘ands’, or ‘buts’, burning this mattress will make me feel so much better than you can even begin to understand,” I grunted, handling the mattress by myself.

    He shook his head at me and grabbed the other end of the mattress, helping me get it out the door. “Thanks,” I said.

    “Yeah, well if you want to burn your bed, who am I to argue?”

    I smirked.

    We managed to get the mattress out into the front yard. I gathered the strewn sheets plus one hideous shirt and threw them on top. “Got a lighter?” I asked Phil.

    He crossed his arms and looked at the pile. It erupted into a little fire that quickly engulfed the whole mattress. “Whoa!” he exclaimed taking a step back. Apparently he wasn’t expecting it to be that flammable.

    I stepped next to him and leaned over while I watched the fire. “It needed to be burned anyway. That mattress was probably a good twenty years old.” It was just as satisfying as I thought it would be. I wished I had some marshmallows.

    “That wasn’t why the mattress went up so fast,” he replied. “I borrowed just a little bit of power from you to get it started and instead of it acting like a match, it acted like a blowtorch.” He looked at me. “You are amazing.”

    I was puzzled. “Thanks? But what do you mean?”

    He pointed at the raging fire. “That is pure untamed energy.” He focused to tone the fire down since it was getting so out of control. He shook his head. “I hate to admit it, but I think that if you could just gain control of your potential, you could be one seriously powerful practitioner, even without me.” He gave me a very strange look. It was like he was looking for something in my face, but wasn’t finding it. “I’ve never seen a human with this much power before.”

    I shrugged and turned back to the fire. “Something in my family history, maybe?”

    “Maybe,” he replied.

    We stood there listening to the soft sound of the fire for a little while. I rubbed my arm. It was itching pretty bad, but I didn’t want to scratch it. “Phil, why are you so weak?” I asked, and then I realized how horrible that sounded. “Oh, gosh, I didn’t mean that you are weak!” I said, backtracking.

    He just gave me a half smile. “No, you are right. I’m pretty darn weak.” He shifted from one foot to the other, trying to piece together his next statement. “Remember when Gamori was talking about allegiances? She made the allusion that I no longer honored any of mine, and she was right.” He sat down in the grass and looked up at me. I sat down, also, since looking down at him just seemed silly. “You see, those ranks and things that demons have are like badges of honor, and the higher a demon’s rank, the more power he gains from his masters.”

    “So what happened to you? It wasn’t because I sealed you away was it?” I asked.

    He shook his head. “No, it was nothing that you had done. I was pretty powerless a good fifty years before you came along.” He plucked at the grass and threw it into the fire. “I got tired of everything. I didn’t want to follow the whim of my superiors anymore, so I broke ties and started working towards becoming a free agent.”

    He had mentioned something about this before. I think it was when we first met, but I had never cared to ask. “So, what is a free agent?”

    He smiled at me. “Not every demon is a power-crazed sociopath. There are demons out there who strive for redemption, and the ones who gain a piece of it become Free Agents.”

    “So you aren’t one yet?”

    He shook his head. “No. Haven’t made it yet. Guess I still have a bit more atoning to do.”

    “What do you have to atone for?” I asked, probably being a bit more curious than I had any right to be.

    He gave a half smile to the fire. “Don’t remember all of it. I died sometime during the War of the Fourth Coalition in 1806, and was revived during the Peninsular War in 1812, so I can’t tell you anything about the time before that. I can tell you that I did enough during the rest of the Napoleonic Wars, and many other wars since, that I am not surprised that becoming a Free Agent has eluded me.”

    I stared at him for several long moments. It was that awkward moment when I realized that the person I was talking to had probably once met Napoleon Bonaparte.

    He looked at me, and very innocently asked, “What?”

    “I just realized that you are old enough to have met my great, great, great, great grandfather. And probably his father. And probably several fathers before him.” I gaped at him. “Dear heavens, you probably remember the Civil War!”

    He laughed. “Well, I hope that doesn’t make you think less of me.”

    I shook my head. “I just can’t believe that this is only sinking in just now.”

    “I guess it is Q and A time. Any more burning questions?” he quipped.

    I thought about it, and realized that there was a lot about him that never got answered. “Do demons ever age?”

    He shrugged. “Depends on the demon’s preference. We can appear whatever age we like. We can simulate the effects of aging while on earth if we are here for long periods of time.”

    “Do you always look the same way, or can you change your appearance?”

    He smiled. “I’m a natural red-head, if that is what you are asking.”

    “So that is a no?” I regarded him with my head leaned to the side.

    He shook his head “Its not in my skill set. That isn’t true for all demon’s though. There are Changelings and Chameleons. They can change their appearance. And then there are demons with the powers of illusion and magic. Like I said, not my skill set.”

    I stopped and thought about that. “But magic is in Bael’s skill set.” Phil’s facial expression told me that he saw where my thought process was going. “He could have been anyone that I knew when I was younger.”

    He nodded slowly. “Yeah, he could have. No one stands out to me, though, that I would have considered suspicious.”

    I frowned and sighed dejectedly. “Oh well. I’m going to remember sooner or later, anyway. One way or another.”

    “Yes, you will,” he replied, though he didn’t sound all that happy. I let it slide and enjoyed watching the fire burn down to nothing.

   

 

 

Chapters

15

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Pollyanna Pilsbury wrote 390 days ago

A very well written, edited and polished book.
There's a lot of it, so I haven't read it all yet and I'm going to be away for a while. I thought I'd make my initial comments as I've had this book for a while.
This is not my kind of read anymore, due to having had my fill when I was younger.
That said, this is perfect for that young adult audience. There is a huge market waiting for this and it's one of the best fantasy/devil/demon books that I've read on this site.
You've put a lot of thought and hard work into this book, I wish you all the best of luck.
Pollyanna.

TaniaJohansson wrote 403 days ago

Devil in the Details
Tamara Hickman

I loved this book. The story draws you in immediately and keeps you reading. Your writing is clear and flows very smoothly. No real grammar/spelilng mistakes that I spotted. Your characterisation is strong and you quickly feel empathy for your main protagonist.
You set the scene extremely well. You give details about the surroundings through story telling as opposed to having a paragraph dedicated to explaining what the room looks like.
I loved this and I am sure you will do extremely well with it.

Best of luck
Tania Johansson
Book of Remembrance

Neville wrote 404 days ago

Devil in the Details.
By Tamara Hickman.


Riesa Grimshaw certainly got a shock as she as she arrived at the house her Grandad had left to her in his will.
It had always been well looked after while he was alive—a house to be proud of.
You describe well her feelings as she surveys what used to be her home as well as her Grandfather’s.
The out-of-bounds library...the secrecy of her Grandpa’s ways and his need for personal space where Riesla was concerned. That’s how I see him anyway, suddenly having to cope with a teenager around.
I like the way you take the reader around the house as Riesla removes the furniture covers and progresses up into the attic.
I was there as she delves into the chests and recovers items that she has no recollection of and yet can’t deny.
Photographs that are definitely her years ago, fail to register in her memory.
Then we have the diaries—her handwriting that’s for sure.
This is a story with a lot of mystery and suspense that’s only just starting with the first chapter.
It has an immense hook to it even at this early stage and that’s what counts if the book is to leave the bookshop shelves...I’m sure it will.
Many stars!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 405 days ago

Tamara,
I found "Devil in the Details" an introspective book, long on narrative and short on dialogue, which goes well with the mood surrounding the story. Riesa, using the first person, takes us through a labyrinth of events unraveling the secrets of her grandfather's attic, in a way both engaging and intriguing. She is a sympathetic character one can only root for. Your conversational style is easy to digest and a delight to read. Thanks for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Su Dan wrote 183 days ago

l like your honest narrative style- first person; it works very well indeed...
...backed...
read SEASONS...

Jim Darcy wrote 192 days ago

Not my normal kind of read but the pitch intrigued me and the tale was well-written enough to engage me as a reader.

jemmamcalinden wrote 195 days ago

This book was great I could not stop reading!
I hope to see another installment ASAP
Jemma

Tod Schneider wrote 307 days ago

I really like the set up, and the writing overall. Your main character is an interesting, sympathetic character who I'm already rooting for. Your attention to detail make the locale come alive. You do a great job of planting curious information that we have to read on to find explanations for. Good stuff!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/

Lena M. Pate wrote 334 days ago

Great story and really good lead up to the end of the first chapter. I have only read the first chapter but it has great potential for a first rate mystery and fantasy. Just a couple of suggestions. A few things bothered me but they were cosmetic at best. Like why if she is going to the house knowing her grandfather died on some mountain far away and not not bring groceries with her? Why is she dressed up in expensive heels when she was driving to the backwoods all alone? Also her moods don't seem to vary. She could have had a good cry or laughed after being startled by the cat from nervousness. Event though you mention she was angry at the boyfriend it doesn't come across. You described the outside of the house in detail but once inside we get very little feel of what she is seeing. Something like "As she removed an old blue sheet off of the hard backed sofa, memories of the yellow and green flowers with the multiple buttons and the intricate carved wooden back reminded me of the days when I sat here stiffly waiting for grandfather to finish in his library so that we could go for our weekly trip into town." Something to place her there and remembering life a bit since she hasn't been home for seven years. Also, there are several repetitive words within such as variations of the work pick are repeated in several places. Just suggestions. I'm by no means an expert. Many well deserved stars.

scoz512 wrote 362 days ago

Very vivid and detailed desriptions you give. I also enjoy Reisa's voice, casual and easily read. Nice intriguing plot, love the ending of chapter one, kept me reading on. I will have to come back for more later, just wanted to comment at this point. Will put it on my watchlist.

Sara
War of the Wastelands

kshaw wrote 364 days ago

Hi Tamara,
Wow, I like your concept and this is exactly the book that I love to read. I'm happy I put this on my bookshelf. I think your style is funny and engaging.
Here are my notes:
1. I get where you are coming from with the first two paras, but if you want to send this to an agent (which I think you should when you are ready :) ) you have to cut them. It opens with a cliche and you give us all the information in the second para.
That being said, I love the third para! "It was only fitting that it would be raining when I returned to Salem." That is a beautiful opening. Of course, you don't have to do that. I'm a copywriter so I can't help but notice beginnings of stories :)
2. There are a few cliches in here, especially when you describe Greg. Luxurious brown hair, baby blue eyes, etc.
3. There are also times when you use feel instead of describing the sensation. What I do to remedy that is go into the word document search for the word "feel" and highlight it. That way I can find them quickly and easily.
4. Great dialogue! I usually look for mistakes with dialogue tags and you don't have any, so great job.
5. I love the reference to black magic woman, that's one of my favorite songs and it created the exact mood you were trying to convey to the reader.
6. The hook at the end is wonderful! I will definitely be back to read more!

Frith,
Kayla Shaw
PS Thank you so much for your kind comments on Philosophia. That meant a lot to me and you captivated my book exactly in your comment.

Sue50 wrote 366 days ago

Your book was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. I think you've got a hit here! Happy to place your work on my shelf. Good Luck!
Sue50

Oriax wrote 375 days ago

This is a story that will appeal to the vampire, Twilight fans, with its sparky heroine, the pacy dialogue, the setting of the dusty colonial house. You write well and fluently without any obvious glitches, though I did think you switch tense quite a lot in the opening chapter.
These are the few notes I took:
I don’t think a house can be downtrodden, that’s for people. Houses are run down.
Riesa yelps for very spurious reasons, a bird flying out of its nest, a cat on the porch. In chapter three she yelps again.
You use the word curmudgeon twice to describe the grandfather.

A criticism I would make is that the tone doesn’t change much with the circumstances you’re describing. Riesa uses the same rather irritated tone of voice to her boyfriend on the phone as she does to the demon. Irritated, weary and tongue in cheek. She seems to use the same criteria to judge the demon as she does her boyfriend – how much she fancies him. She also takes it incredibly calmly that she has a demon in her home, going to bed and leaving him to get on with it.
The pillow-throwing scene the next morning is a bit of a cliché, again as if she is just starting a new relationship with a new boyfriend.
Devil in the Details struck me as the kind of book that would appeal to a YA readership, though I maybe haven’t read far enough to get to the hot sex and violence scenes. Good luck with this, it’s the kind of book I can see being very popular.
Jane

Lady Midnight wrote 380 days ago

Hi, Tamara, read the first chapter of Devil in the details and thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s intriguing, well characterized and for the most part, flows well. I’ve outlined some suggestions, which I hope prove useful. If you get a chance would you have a look at the first chapter of Land of Midnight Days? I’d really appreciate any insights you have to offer. http://www.authonomy.com/books/40804/land-of-midnight-days/
The pitch is fine, apart from missing “her” from this sentence: Atlanta city girl, Riesa Grimshaw, has been estranged from {her} overbearing grandfather…
Sometimes, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. At other times, the lemon juice just gets into old wounds and stings like hell. **Great opening line**
He probably [had] wanted to keep everything in the family…**The bracketed word mars the flow of the sentence. Suggest deleting it and just have: He probably wanted…
[It was a four bedroom and two bath home] ** This doesn’t flow well, suggest: It contained four bedrooms and two bathrooms….
. **The paragraph beginning: I finally pulled into the drive and ending with: …he hadn’t been doing it here, is filled with great description, it paints an immediate picture. **
I was certain that I was going to get even dirtier before the day was [up] **Suggest replacing this with “over”**
and startled a bird that had been nesting under the eaves of the [ porch], confirming my suspicions that the [porch] **To avoid the repetition of “porch” so close together, suggest replacing the 2nd with “it”: …confirming my suspicions [it] had become…**
"Hey, baby! Did you make it to Salem alright?" I grinned. It was nice to hear my boyfriend's voice. Greg had one of those great voices that sounded like a deep purr every time he talked. I think he could have read me the phone book…. **Even though we can’t “see” Greg, the description of his voice gives the reader an insight of what he’s like**
I'm a sucker for blue eyes. I think it’s because I have blue eye envy. I was born a dirty blond with muddy brown eyes. I can bleach my hair, but the eyes? I can't really do much about them. **I love the way you describe the MC’s appearance without resorting to clichés, such as looking in a mirror, particularly as this is done from a 1st person pov.**
["You are] at the house already?" **This is a bit formal. In real life, speech is made up of abbreviations, unless something is perhaps being emphasized. Suggest you change this to “You’re”. **
"This house really is a mess, Greg. You should see it." I picked up my bag and dug through my purse, balancing the phone [on my] **Suggest changing to: …balancing the phone “against” my ear…**
I unlocked the door and tried to open it. It stuck a [bit], and a [bit] ** Suggest getting rid of the 2nd “bit”, you don’t really need it and the repetition jars. **
I stood in the doorway for a bit, watching the sunlight reflect off [of] **This might be down to the slight differences between UK and US English, but I don’t think you need the bracketed word. To me the “off” and “of” don’t flow well. Suggest just: …watching the sunlight reflect off …**.
"Oh, please. He died of a heart attack on a mountain in Tennessee. I don't think [that] not getting around was his problem." **You don’t need the bracketed word. Suggest: I don’t think getting around was his problem. Watch out for the word “that” it sneaks up on you when you least expect it. **
I opened a few doors as I passed them so that the rooms could [be airing out] ** I think this would flow better as: …so the rooms could air out…** while I checked out the kitchen.
"I still think it's odd that you don't know what was going on with your [grand dad] **one word: granddad. **
I felt a bit miffed by [that] statement. "You know, I really don't appreciate [that]. You know [that] **You have the word “that” 3 times in one sentence. This is an example of what I mean by this word sneaking up on you. Suggest rejigging along the lines of: I felt a bit miffed by his statement. “You know, I really don’t appreciate that. You know we didn’t talk…**
It's not my fault [that] **and again, suggest omitting it here, you don’t need it, just: It’s not my fault he didn’t call…*
I turned away from the dining room [and its ghostly furniture covers.] **Loved this description**
I didn't like talking about my grandfather, or my teenage years for that matter, [at all.] **Don’t need this. It’s clear from the phrase: I didn’t like talking about… that she doesn’t normally talk about the subject of her grandfather and her life with him. Little additions like this are what I call “tag lines”, which explain what’s already been said. **
I vaguely remember the blow-out argument [that] **Don’t need this. ** we had before I left home for good,
Even though we weren't the closest family, I felt a stab of regret that he hadn't wanted to call me and let me know [that] **Don’t need this. ** he was leaving…
I drew in a ragged breath, but I didn't cry, even though I really wanted to at that moment. Instead, I walked up the stairs and went to my old room to put away my things and change into some clothes [that] **Don’t need this. ** I didn't mind ruining with mud.

I was at least pleasantly surprised to find [that] **Don’t need this. ** the upholstery did not smell like dust and mildew and [that] **Don’t need this. ** the overall integrity of the house was still good. However, I was not so surprised to see [that] **Or this** my grandfather had not upgraded a single piece of furniture in the preceding years. Now [that] **Or this** everything was cleaned…
…but I was certain [that] **There’s that dreaded word again*** they were around somewhere…
I felt like an archaeologist who had just singlehandedly discovered a lost civilization. I found cedar chests, large and small, filled with old clothes, letters, and keepsakes. There was an old sewing machine that must have belonged to my grandmother, who had died before I was born. There was also an antique sewing form with strands of fake pearls and measure tapes strung across it. It still had push pins stuck into it. **Beautifully crafted description. You have a real talent for this. I could “see” this. **
…I was about thirteen years old, wearing a [long] blue jean dress. A [long] chain **Suggest changing the 1st “long” to “full length blue jean dress, to avoid the repetition. ** It was the same pendant that was sitting on top of the record player.
I put down the blanket and picked up the pendant, running my thumb across the stone. It was milky and iridescent, like a polished sea shell. [Even though I was holding it in my hand, it felt like a distant memory,] **Loved this. **
But I couldn't ignore [that] the objects in this box were telling me an entirely different story. An entire photo album depicted me with a grandfather [that] I did not remember, in places [that] I had no recollection of ever going to, doing things [that] I did not recall doing at all. It looked real, but it wasn't anything at all like I remembered.
**Okay, the dreaded word used 4 times in one paragraph; you only need one of them. But I couldn’t ignore that the objects in this box…depicted me with a grandfather I did not remember…in places I had no recollection of…doing things I did not recall…**
I closed the diary that I was currently reading and put my head in my hands, lacing my fingers in my hair [as an act of sheer frustration] **Do you really need this “tag line?” Her action of lacing her fingers in her hair speaks for itself. **
He [finished] and scampered off, leaving me to [finish] my sandwich alone. **Finished and finish are too alike, suggest changing the latter to”eat”. **
After cleaning up [from mine and the cat's lunches,] **Don’t really need this, as it’s obvious what she’s cleaning up**
…and paced across the kitchen, [back and forth] **Don’t need this, the fact she’s pacing is enough**

Kate LaRue wrote 382 days ago

Tamara,
I finished reading Devil in the Details last night. What a fast paced, edge of your seat book filled with unique characters. Riesa is a very relatable character who pops off the page. Phil is easy to like even though he's a demon. It is obvious as soon as the cat hisses at Greg that something is up with him, too.

There are just a few things I noticed throughout that could maybe be reworded to tighten up the narrative. If you've ever read Strunk & White's The Elements of Style, they say that the best dialogue tags are 'said' and 'asked' (my personal preference is to tag dialogue as little as possible). They also caution against using too many 'ly' adverbs. Typically you can find a better verb instead of attaching an 'ly' adverb to it. This is true when tagging dialogue too. I noticed once the tag was 'Gamori said seductively' or something like that, when it was obvious from her words and behavior that she was being seductive.

Another thing to watch for is use of cliches. I noticed several while reading. Try to find a new way to express tired old sayings. I think Authonomy even has a list of cliches to avoid at all costs.

There were typos such as duplicated words sprinkled throughout, so the whole manuscript could use a thorough read through to fix those.

Overall this was a very enjoyable read that pulled me along. I assume there is at least one more book with these characters. I'd be interested to see what happens to Riesa and Phil and the others. This is highly starred and in line for a spot on my shelf.
Kate


melissa_simonson wrote 387 days ago

Hi Tamara! Well I got through your first chapter (I can get to more, if you think I'm helpful at all, and if you want to do multi-chapter swaps....eh, just let me know) and took some notes down. They're mostly just worthless thoughts, and I know nothing about writing ayway, really, since I've never been formally trained and what not, so feel free to ignore any and all suggestions!

I think the opening paragraph could do with some re-writing. I get what you're going for, but I think it could be "tighter". Seems a little wordier than it needs to be. Maybe "Sometimes, life gives you lemons, and you make lemonade. And then sometimes the lemon juice seeps into open wounds and stings like hell." I think you should elminate the 'old wounds' because old wounds, I would think, would be healed, so the lemon juice wouldn't sting...?

The sentence ..."...It was now the week after..." seems too wordy -- I think "It had been a week" reads better.

The Salem, Alabama thing confused me. Of course it's possible that a town could be called Salem, aside from the one in Massachusetts, but it was a bit unbelievable to me. Just a thought.

I also found it hard to believe that orange could be "ghastly". I am thinking 'garish' would be a much better fit in that sentence.

I notice you use the word "stumbled" very close together, when your MC is walking up the porch. I would eliminate one of the 'stumbled's or simply *show* us she stumbled -- like, "I yelped when I tumbled to my knees on the porch". Ehh that's bad, don't use that line, but I hope you get what I'm driving at.

You mentioned the stray cat careened -- I think careened is an odd word there. I mean, it works, but it doesn't resonate with me. If anything, I would think it "streaked" across the porch.

During the phone conversation with Greg, he says "you are" where I think it should have been "you're". The you are just sounded a bit too formal for a phone conversation, and most people don't talk that way.

While I'm on the phone conversation, your MC's inner dialogue confused me a bit. She talks of wanting to smack him, give him the evil eye, etc, and it got a bit wearing. I know you want the reader to get that she's being teased, but I think you over-played it a tad.

I did, however, liked that you gave us information on your MC's relationship with her deceased grandfather through the conversation with Greg, instead of hitting us in the eyes with it and just flat - out stating the info.

Back to the phone conversation -- I think it's an odd choice to use the word 'purr' when describing a man's voice. I mean, I'm sure it happens, but 'purr' is almost too sexy. Was he trying to be sexy? And anyway, you mentioned the 'purr' twice, and I think one of them could do with changing.

The sentence, "...He had known he wasn't coming back." was good. It really made me wonder, why not? And want to keep reading.

After the scene change, you said, "...for a good nights rest" and it read awkwardly. I think it would read better if you said, "after a good nights rest".

I know we as writers hate hearing the show v. tell thing, but I think I have to say it -- toward the middle/end of chapter 1 there was a lot of it. "It hurt having no real family." "My head hurt." I think you could play those things up a little. A pang in her heart would tell us it hurt. A thudding in her head would show us her head throbbed.

One thing I didn't like was when you tacked on (when she's in the kitchen with the stray cat) "...Sorry, poor choice of words..." It felt like an intrusion on the narration. To me, anyway.

I'm sorry if you think this is full of nit-picks! I really do like it, but I thought I'd point out the flaws to make it better (I'd rather have an honest review than a pat on the back one). Hopefully you don't think I'm being harsh, because I really do feel it's got a lot of promise :)

Melissa

Spilota wrote 390 days ago

This is excellent reading. Thoroughly enjoying it and will read it all.

Pollyanna Pilsbury wrote 390 days ago
Pollyanna Pilsbury wrote 390 days ago

A very well written, edited and polished book.
There's a lot of it, so I haven't read it all yet and I'm going to be away for a while. I thought I'd make my initial comments as I've had this book for a while.
This is not my kind of read anymore, due to having had my fill when I was younger.
That said, this is perfect for that young adult audience. There is a huge market waiting for this and it's one of the best fantasy/devil/demon books that I've read on this site.
You've put a lot of thought and hard work into this book, I wish you all the best of luck.
Pollyanna.

Christian Bell wrote 394 days ago

Very informative narration of the history of Reece and her Grandfather. The discriptions of the property and landscape are very good and the storyline rolls on at good pace. I like your writing style and think that this could be very succesful on authonomy. I wish you the best of luck with this and rate it highly.
Christian

ForeverAnimetriss wrote 395 days ago

This is a very interesting book you have here! I'm not exactly sure if I'm a fan of Riesa just yet. She reminds me of a stuck up city girl who has forgotten her roots. I'm curious to see how this all turns out. Keep up the good work! :)

ForeverAnimetriss wrote 395 days ago

This is a very interesting book you have here! I'm not exactly sure if I'm a fan of Riesa just yet. She reminds me of a stuck up city girl who has forgotten her roots. I'm curious to see how this all turns out. Keep up the good work! :)

J C Michael wrote 400 days ago

Hi Tamara,
I've just read your first two opening chapters and think this is a solid start and an interesting story so far. The style of writing everything from the point of view of your main character works well, although you do need to watch out for repetition of "I" did this and "I" did that in consecutive sentances. There are also a couple of other places where the same word crops up repeatedly and I think the story would be improved if things were mixed up a little. One example if this is the word "remember", try "recall", or "bring to mind", as alternatives.
Having said that this is a good read and should play well to a young adult audience if it continues in this vein. With a little bit of polishing you could certainly get this to a high enough standard to shoot up the rankings and I hope to see you achieve that and build upon the promise of what you have so far.
Highly starred for the strong narrative elements if the story and potential that this story seems to have.
Best wishes,
James

KoriBates wrote 403 days ago

I started reading the first chapter, but I had to stop. I love what your book is about and after skimming through some of it, it really is well written and catches my attention, but the first few paragraphs did nothing to draw me in. I do like the way you described her reactions to her boyfriend on the phone call and the dialogue between the two. Of course, these are just my opinions and you can take them for what they're worth. You have a knack for writing. I'll keep this on my watch list and come back to it.

TaniaJohansson wrote 403 days ago

Devil in the Details
Tamara Hickman

I loved this book. The story draws you in immediately and keeps you reading. Your writing is clear and flows very smoothly. No real grammar/spelilng mistakes that I spotted. Your characterisation is strong and you quickly feel empathy for your main protagonist.
You set the scene extremely well. You give details about the surroundings through story telling as opposed to having a paragraph dedicated to explaining what the room looks like.
I loved this and I am sure you will do extremely well with it.

Best of luck
Tania Johansson
Book of Remembrance

Neville wrote 404 days ago

Devil in the Details.
By Tamara Hickman.


Riesa Grimshaw certainly got a shock as she as she arrived at the house her Grandad had left to her in his will.
It had always been well looked after while he was alive—a house to be proud of.
You describe well her feelings as she surveys what used to be her home as well as her Grandfather’s.
The out-of-bounds library...the secrecy of her Grandpa’s ways and his need for personal space where Riesla was concerned. That’s how I see him anyway, suddenly having to cope with a teenager around.
I like the way you take the reader around the house as Riesla removes the furniture covers and progresses up into the attic.
I was there as she delves into the chests and recovers items that she has no recollection of and yet can’t deny.
Photographs that are definitely her years ago, fail to register in her memory.
Then we have the diaries—her handwriting that’s for sure.
This is a story with a lot of mystery and suspense that’s only just starting with the first chapter.
It has an immense hook to it even at this early stage and that’s what counts if the book is to leave the bookshop shelves...I’m sure it will.
Many stars!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Thomas C. wrote 405 days ago

Tamara, you have a writing style that is very clear and concise, much like Charlaine Harris. It hypnotizes you and brings you into the story with good narrative. My suggestion: see if you can pump up at the opening sentence, grabbing us by the collar and making us sit up in the seat earlier. I'm big lover of horror, thriller and paranormal and I'm sure its some creepy stuff in Grandpa's old house. that you can use as a device-creepy spiders, house sounds etc. String the tension a little longer. Wishing for the running water is okay, but would she freak about the many legs of a hairy spider crawling up her neck, or an unexplained bloodstain that leads to somewhere or. . . nowhere, thats up to you. Overall I like it and will be reading more.

Thomas C.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 405 days ago

Tamara,
I found "Devil in the Details" an introspective book, long on narrative and short on dialogue, which goes well with the mood surrounding the story. Riesa, using the first person, takes us through a labyrinth of events unraveling the secrets of her grandfather's attic, in a way both engaging and intriguing. She is a sympathetic character one can only root for. Your conversational style is easy to digest and a delight to read. Thanks for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

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