Book Jacket

 

rank 1327
word count 80617
date submitted 07.04.2012
date updated 07.11.2012
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Horror
classification: moderate
complete

Devil in the Details

Tamara Hickman

When Riesa finds a journal in her deceased grandfather’s attic, she learns that her memories are false and the demon trapped inside is the key.

 

Atlanta city girl, Riesa Grimshaw, has been estranged from overbearing grandfather for seven years. Now, after the death of her grandfather leaves her the only surviving member of the Grimshaw family, Riesa returns to get her grandfather’s backwater country home ready for sale or rent, only to find clues that the past she remembers isn’t real. Matters are further complicated when she accidentally releases a demon from a journal that has been hidden in the attic for the past seven years. Things are bad enough with altered memories, an accidental demon familiar, and a family curse riding on Riesa's back, but when cryptic messages and slaughtered animals start showing up in Riesa's path, she knows that this is only the beginning.

Devil in the Details is a modern supernatural fantasy that delves into the world of demons, angels, and family secrets, set in the small town of Salem, Alabama. Fans of Charlaine Harris, Patricia Briggs, and Laurell K. Hamilton may also find a new favorite with this novel.

 
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angel, demon, demonology, fantasy, fiction, hoodoo, magic, mystery, romance, supernatural

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The Offer I Had to Refuse

 

 

CHAPTER TWENTY

The Offer I Had To Refuse

 

    The sun was going to rise in about an hour or so. I could feel it in my bones. My eyes ached and every muscle in my body screamed at me as I stretched against the soft cotton sheets of the bed, inadvertently kicking Jasper off the end of the bed where he had been sleeping on my feet. I realized that I was making a habit out of waking up in this bed without falling asleep in it, and I groaned. He meowed at me for attention, and I reluctantly opened my eyes to look at him. I immediately regretted it. The world swam around me, and even in the twilight before morning, I could tell that I was still seeing a bit of the otherworld. I was seeing Jasper in double, and everything had an otherworld overlay on top of it. I looked out the open bedroom door and it was like seeing the living room and the ghost of living rooms past at the same time.  Dull swirls of that otherworld mist hung in the air like the phantom remnant of whatever had passed through. Jasper gave up on me and scampered out of the room, leaving a fading trail behind him.

    I rubbed my eyes and sat up in the bed, resting my forehead on the heals of my hands. I didn’t look up to see him, but I knew when Phil entered the room. It wasn’t the sound of his footsteps that made me aware of him. I felt the caress of power, and it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It danced across my skin and had a taste like warm honey. It felt good.

    I looked up at Phil and it took me a moment to distinguish between him and the smoky aura around him. He handed me a couple of pills and a glass of water. “How are you feeling?” He asked, sitting down beside me.

    “Mm,” I replied noncommittally and took the pills. I finished the glass of water and then set it on the side table. “How long was I asleep?” My voice sounded groggy so I cleared my throat.

    “A few hours.”

    I looked at him, past the aura. There was a pinch to his eyes, evidence that he might be feeling a bit like I did before he came in. “I appreciate the gesture, but you can stop doing whatever it is that you are doing now. I feel a lot better, and you probably need rest too.”

    He gave me a small grin. “I’d like to claim credit, but it isn’t me. Your natural defenses are getting help wherever they can. You are getting energy from me to heal the psychic damage that you took.”

    I frowned at him. “I’m draining you like a battery?”

    He shrugged at me with a smile. “I’ll be okay.”

    My frown only grew. That wasn’t a denial. I didn’t like the idea that I was using him without even trying to. He seemed to have no issue with it, but I definitely did not care for it at all.

    “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been so stupid, I never would have dragged you into all of this, I’d never have lost my memories, and this whole situation with Bael would never have happened.”

    "Don't think that," He said sternly. "What happened started with Toliver. If you need to point a finger, it should ultimately go to him." I looked back up at him, and noticed that the smoky aura around him was fading along with all the rest. It was still clearest around him, but almost all of the other remnant traces of mist had faded.

    I took a deep breath and cleared my head. "Yeah, I guess you might be right about that.” I fell backwards on the bed, letting my legs dangle off the side while I thought. “He is still alive somewhere, or at the very least is not dead, whatever that may mean. If we could find him, we could ask him what Uroth meant about me being Nephilim, and about what Greg needs me for..." I let out a heavy sigh of frustration.

    "We have less than twenty four hours before we are supposed to meet up with Bael at the crossroads, and the same deadline before Uroth comes back.” He sounded disheartened. “Unless a miracle occurs, we aren't going to find Toliver in time, if ever. We need to come up with a plan B."

    “Yeah, I know,” I responded with a groan.

    He stood up and held out his hand. “Why don’t you get out of bed, I’ll make you some coffee or something and we can think about it.”

    I looked up at his hand and after a moment, held mine up. It wouldn’t do me any good to lounge around in bed all day, anyway.

    Phil grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I sucked in a breath as the auras that I had been seeing seemed to explode into new meanings of color. If he noticed, I couldn’t tell.

    I was now standing at the edge of the bed, looking at him studying his face. He had an inquisitive look on his face. I took the hand that he was not holding and ran it over his face, stroking the aura. The power that I felt radiating from him was intoxicating, and as smooth as a fine wine. I wanted to wrap myself in it and keep it all for myself.

    Phil tried to remove his hand, but I grabbed it and held on. I felt and saw the energy in his hand flare. He started to say something, but I shushed him, following the aura of power. I realized that it wasn't just smoky. It had a red glow to the edges of the gray that seemed to burn like embers. I traced it with my hand and my eyes over the spot where he held my hand. Our auras were mixing together in swirls of lavender and gray. It was lovely to see.

    "Riesa, what is it?" he asked quietly, the worry in his voice quite evident. “It isn’t Gamori again, is it?”

    I shook my head. “No. Its nothing like that.” I looked away from his aura and followed mine with my hand. Our hands weren’t the only places where my aura seemed to be mixed with Phil’s. There was a patch over my heard that felt warm and comforting. There was another spot over my stomach, but it did not look the same. The auras didn’t mix there. It was a solid red mass, or as solid as an aura could be, and it stayed separated from my aura like oil and water. "Its like I'm still seeing the other-world. When I woke up, everything had an aura to it, but it was almost gone. When you grabbed my hand, we lit up like the Fourth of July," I answered in a near whisper. "Do you know what this is exactly? Is this going to be a permanent thing?"

    "I think that what you are seeing right now is psychic auras. Its what our souls, or power sources, look like," he replied. He looked at me appraisingly for a moment. “I don’t think that it is going to be permanent, if it was fading before. It’s probably just a side effect of being in the Otherworld so long.”

    "Why is it stronger when we touch?" I asked.

    He shrugged. "I'm your familiar. It makes sense that your abilities would be amplified when we touch."

    "Yeah, that does makes sense," I replied absentmindedly. "Part of my aura seem to be mixed with yours." I decided not to mention that it was over my heart. I didn’t want him getting the wrong idea.

    “That is probably where your energy is using mine to repair itself,” he explained simply.

    I curiously ran my hand over my heart, and the mists moved like ripples in a pond. I noticed that the tendrils of his aura seemed to follow my hand for a moment before returning. I looked back up at Phil. He was still standing close to me, letting me hold his hand. I experimentally “pulled” on that red tendril, focusing on having it in my hand.

    “What did you just do?” he asked nervously. He looked tired.

    I let the auras return to its original space. “Sorry, you felt that?”

    He nodded. “Yes.” He thoughtfully stared at my face for a moment. “It felt like you were gathering my power. It felt odd.”

    I stored that interesting piece of information away and ran my hand over my midsection. It felt like sticking my finger in a metaphysical light socket. I yelped and removed my hand. I recognized the anomaly. "Oh my god," I whispered.

    "What's the matter," Phil asked, squeezing my hand a bit in worry.

    I looked up into his blue eyes, "Its still there," I said. "Whatever Bael put in me eight years ago, its still there and it's like a live wire," I said, suitably horrified. I let go of his hand and the auras faded away. I let out a heavy breath that I hadn't even known I had been holding. I was starting to feel a bit sick, again, but I was afraid of reaching out to Phil to feel better. Wrapping his aura around me felt better than I cared to admit in polite company, and I didn’t want to put anymore strain on him. "I don't think that it would be a good idea for you to touch me for a while.”

    He did the smart thing and nodded. “Okay.”

    I sat back down on the bed, now feeling a bit light headed again. “Forget coffee. Plan B. So far, my options are surrendering to the Watchers, being killed by the Watchers, or being used as a vessel for Bael. I need an option four.”

    He remained standing this time, crossing his arms over his chest. “I can think of two solutions,” he said a bit reluctantly. I could tell by the look on his face that he either didn’t like his own idea, or he didn’t think that I would.

    “What is your first solution?” I asked.

    He shifted a bit. “Complete your bond with me. I could protect you, and no other demon’s powers would work on you anymore. Bael couldn’t use you anymore, which is what the Watchers want to prevent. We might be able to persuade them to let you go free.”

    I frowned at him. “And if it doesn’t? What then?”

    He sighed. “Then I do what I do best and protect you with sword and fire.”

    I shook my head. “And not only do you lose your chance to be a Free Agent, but so do I. Sorry, but I don’t much care for that idea. Next.” Sunlight was starting to pour in through the windows, dimmed by the heavy curtains. Time was moving forward.

    “Tactical retreat,” he said disdainfully.

    “You mean run away,” I clarified.

    He shook his head. “No. I mean, yes. We fall back and try to find Toliver, or some other solution which may or may not be out there.”

    “You don’t like the idea of running.”

    He shook his head. “No. It screams against everything I am. It doesn’t feel like a real solution, but a prolonging of the inevitable.”

    I let him see the seriousness in my face. “I can’t just give myself up, to you or to anyone else. Not without a fight.”

    He nodded. “And that is something that we have in common. I don’t really plan on giving you up, either.”

    I let out a depreciating laugh. “Probably wouldn’t hurt to just up and run, though. I’m most likely not going to live past thirty anyway.”

    Phil brought his hands together and materialized his sword. He stepped towards me and held it out like an offering. I let him place it in my hands, the blade resting across my palms. Now that I was seeing it up close, I could tell the the blade was not straight, but waved on the edges, and the silver glowed pale red. I could feel heat coming from the blade.

    He knelt down in front of me, and a shiver ran down my spine. I really hated it when he reminded me that he was far older than he seemed. “I, Azaraphel, pledge my sword and service to the protection of Theresa Marie Grimshaw, that her enemies be my enemies, her victories be my victories, her defeat be my defeat.” He raised his eyes to look into mine, and I saw nothing but sheer determination there. “This is a serious vow, Riesa, and not one that I make lightly. I’m not as powerful as I could be, but I’m strong enough. All I know of nephilim is myth and legend, but I know that you are one of the most naturally powerful casters that I’ve ever met. In three days you have accomplished more than most casters do in three years.”

    I looked at him dumbfounded. “What are you trying to say here?”

    He smiled at me. “I’m saying that I have full faith in us both, together, even if you won’t have me in the way I’d like. We will win today, or die trying. In either case, I’m with you all the way.”

    I looked at the sword in my hands and at the face smiling at me, and felt nothing but apprehension and fear. I didn’t want him to follow me into my early grave. I had done nothing but wrong to him, and here he was, offering to follow me like a well-armed puppy of flaming chaos. It wasn’t right, and I had no right to let him do this. I handed the sword back to him. “No.” I said.

    He frowned at me and stood, taking the sword. “Why not?”

    I shook my head. “I can’t agree with it. I don’t want you dying for me, or pledged to me, or anything else. I’ve done enough to you as it is. I’ll surrender to the Watchers first.”

    He cursed. “You are one of the most difficult women that I’ve ever met.” He leaned the sword against the dresser and grabbed my hand, pulling me off the bed and against him in one swift movement. Being this close to him, I could not see the auras, but I could feel the power radiating from him. It danced across my skin and I could feel the emotions that sparked it. It was determined, a little angry, and very sad. He held me with one arm around my waist, and lifted my face with a hand gently under my chin. “Riesa, you don’t have to agree with it. I’m a demon and nothing is ever going to change that. I can’t help but want to be human around you, but in this, I will be every bit the demon that I am. I am going to protect you, whether you like it or not.”

    He released me, snatched up his sword, and stormed out of the room.

    I sat back down on the bed and let a tear run down my cheek when I heard the front door slam shut.

* * *

    It was getting late. I hadn't seen Phil all day. I don't know what he was doing, but I think he was avoiding me. I didn't blame him. I remembered the look on his face when I had first summoned him. How would I feel if someone had pulled me away and locked me in a journal for something I didn't do? I didn't think I'd be in love with that person. Especially if that person were me. And then I had completely rejected him. Despite his last words, I halfway expected that he had given up on me and left. It would serve me right, and in a way I hoped that was the case.

    I walked outside and called for him just in case he was still somewhere nearby. The sun was setting, and the crickets were getting louder as the evening progressed. A cool breeze blew across the porch and sent a chill up my spine. He didn’t answer and I felt extremely alone. I had talked to Clarice after Phil had left, and I told her that I was going to stay home, and I told her most about what had happened during the ritual. I left out everything about the Watcher, Uroth. I had made my choice, and I didn’t want to worry her. My choices being slow death by curse, quick death by Watcher, or wishing for death by demon, I decided to go with the option that kept me alive enough to possibly be able to fight another day. I was going to wait for Uroth to show back up and surrender. It was my only viable option. I couldn’t solve any of my problems if I were dead.

    I looked for Phil one last time. I sighed and headed back in, just in time to hear my phone ringing in the kitchen. I almost ran to my purse, just in time to see “unknown number” on the caller ID and answer it.

    "Hello?" I answered.

    "Riesa," It was Holly. She sounded frantic and scared. My blood ran cold. For her to be calling on a night like tonight, I knew that things were about to get worse.

    "Holly, what's wrong?" I asked. My voice was shaky.

    It wasn’t Holly’s voice that answered, “Hello, babe,” Greg’s voice purred over the line. I heard Holly scream in the background. “Holly is a bit preoccupied at the moment, but the party is starting and we are missing our guest of honor.”

    My blood was boiling. “You bastard! What did you do?”

    He laughed. “You were going to stand me up. I just invited Holly along to give you an incentive to come. Meet me at the crossroads where you had your chat with Gamori. You have thirty minutes.” The line went dead.

    I cursed and threw the phone in my purse. All hope of surrendering quietly was gone now. I had to go. I grabbed my grandfather's athame from the ritual room and slipped it into the waistband of my jeans. It was the only weapon that I had.

    I opened the front door and Phil was standing right there, his hand held out as if he was just about to grab the knob. I prayed a quiet “thank you”, and resisted the urge to give him a hug. “We need to go. Now.”

    “What happened?”

    I answered him while I ran to the car. “Bael has Holly.”

    “Damn it.”

    As I drove I invoked the spirits. I don't know why, but I wanted them with me and at the ready for when things went pear-shaped, like I knew they were going to. I had no spells ready. Holly, and possibly Tommy, were in danger. Uroth was not going be happy when he finally found me. This was not going to be a good night for me. At least Phil was with me.

    I pulled up to the four way stop, and pulled in to the little dirt parking space next to the brick building. I got out of my car, looking up to the sky. The moon was full and rising, shedding plenty of light all around, and making fantastic shadows behind the building and trees. I didn't see any other cars or any sign of life. I had a moment of panic where I entertained the idea that I had been too late.

    I looked around again and Phil stepped beside me. I took his hand and tried to use my lingering other-world senses. The double vision wasn't as bad at night, but I could still feel the waves of energy. It seemed strongest over by the brick building.

    I looked at Phil, and he gave me the sign for quiet. I nodded and we walked closer to the shed. The hair on my arms stood up in response. The entrances were boarded up, as were the windows. Then we heard the scream, coming from inside.

    “Holly!” I screamed and let go of Phil’s hand, running toward the door.

    He materialized his sword. He swung the blade at the door, and the boards fell away as if they had been rotting for decades. He ran a hand up the blade and it erupted into flame.

    “Riesa, I’m so glad you made it,” Bael said from behind me. I jumped and Phil diverted his attention.

    “Like you gave her a choice, Bael,” he said with contempt.

    I looked at Phil. “Go get Holly. Please,” I begged him. “She’s another person who was dragged into this mess because of me. If anything happens to her…”

    “I’m not leaving you here,” he said back to me, keeping his eyes on Bael.

    I put my hand on his arm. “I can handle this, but not if I think Holly is still in danger.”

    He looked back at me and then at Bael again, who gave him a smug smile. “Shit,” he said emphatically, and then ran into the building.

    “Wise choice, Riesa. Always look out for your friends,” he smiled at me.

    “Shut up, Bael. I’m here, now what do you want?”

    He stepped closer to me and put a finger under my chin. I lifted my face away from him. “I want what any man wants, Riesa. A good mother for my children.”

    “Screw you,” I replied, stepping back.

    He laughed. “That is the general idea. You once were very willing to be by my side for an eternity, Riesa. Come to me willingly again. I can make it very worth your while.”

    “Not interested.”

    He nodded. “Very well then,” he said. I heard an explosion from behind me, and turned in horror to see the building collapsing in fire.

    I screamed. I tried to run to the burning building, but Bael stopped me, holding both of my arms in his hands. Tears poured down my face.

    “Don’t worry, love. Your friend, Holly, was never really in that building. I just needed to get rid of Azaraphel. You won’t miss him long. He’ll probably be reborn in about five years or so. Not that he’ll remember you when he is, though. And then he can be my loyal servant again. We can be one big happy family.”

    “Go to hell,” I said through my tears. No matter what happened, I was going to make sure I ruined his day, and every other day after that.

    He laughed again. I wanted to crush his windpipe with my heels. “Been there, babe.” He signaled to the shadows and a large man stepped forward. There was no questioning that he was a demon. His eyes glowed red, and he actually had two small horns rising up through his black hair. His skin was bronzed. “Make sure Azaraphel has met his final death. Bring me his head. I’d like to see it before it turns to dust,” Bael ordered the new demon, who bowed and took off for the building.

    “No!” I screamed.

    “You shouldn’t see this, babe,” Bael said. I felt his energy flow over me. I fought it and failed. Everything went dark.

   

* * *

    I had trouble waking back up. The first thing that caught my attention was the acrid smell of smoke. I forced my eyes to open and they were not happy about it. Whereever I was, it was lit by flickering candlelight, and the migraine behind my eyes did not think kindly of the light. I managed to focus long enough to see that I was in a wooded clearing. It may have been in the woods around the cross roads, or it might have been somewhere else, I had no way of knowing. From the fact that I was tied up on what seemed to be a stone altar, and that people were walking around me in black robes, I knew that I was in trouble. 

    I wanted to cry. I knew that I had messed up. It was quite possible that Azaraphel was actually dead, and I had no idea how I was going to save myself. My hands were bound above my head, tied to a metal spike stuck in the stone, and my feet were similarly done, though my feet were apart. Someone had changed my clothing as well. I was wearing a plain white dress, ankle length, that was laced completely from the navel to the breast. I really did not like the look of things. I craned my head around as much as I could and caught sight of Holly. She was tied against a post too far away for me to speak to her. Her head was down and she was sitting is as much of a ball as she could manage.

    "Riesa! I'm surprised you awoke so soon. You must be more powerful than I first suspected." Greg stepped closer to the altar, pushing back his hood so that I could distinguish him from the rest of the figures in black robes.

    I turned my head as much as I could to look at him. "Let me go and I’ll show you just how powerful I can be," I replied. "You know, I once said that the next time I saw you, I was going to cut off your balls and make you eat them."

    He laughed. "Now, baby, I don't think you have that ability right now," he said, checking the tightness of the ropes. "I hope you aren't too uncomfortable. We are going to continue the ritual as soon as the blood moon hits peak at full midnight. Its not too much farther away, I promise," he said, his voice sweet and sincere. It was a voice I was used to, and now thoroughly despised.

    "What are you up to," I asked. "Why are you doing this at all?" Since I was the one on the altar, I figured that I had a right to know.

    He smiled. "We have time. Let me tell you a little story," he said, running his finger tips down my arm. "Once upon a time, the Sons of God, a.k.a. Angels, saw that the daughters of man were beautiful and slept with them. The women became pregnant, and the children that they gave birth to were called the Nephilim. They were the heroes of old, mighty beings more powerful than anything else on this earth, or so legend goes. Their angelic fathers, however, had defiled themselves in the Lord's eyes were cast from heaven, just like me and my brethren.” He paused and stroked my face. I flinched. I did not want him to touch me, in any shape, form, or fashion. His voice continued, cold and spiteful. “They weren’t cast all the way down, though. No, those angels were given the title of Watchers, and they were charged with a sacred duty to secure their offspring, one way or another.”

    This was news to me. I forcefully remember Uroth and shuddered at the idea that he could have been my ancestor. “That still doesn’t explain what you want with me,” I said.

    “That, Riesa, is exactly why I need you. You are a Nephilim, albeit several generations removed. When Toliver made his deal with me, I gave his bloodline demonic power, and in exchange, he would give me a demonic Nephilim,” he said, running his fingertips along my jawline.

    “Stop touching me,” I bit off at him.

    He laughed, circling me like a vulture. “You weren’t complaining much the other day.”

    I scowled at him. Hell hath no fury like a woman betrayed, tied up, and mocked. “What the hell do you need me for? If I’m Nephilim, then so was my grandfather, and he was much more powerful than me.”

    He gave me scandalized look. “He’s a man. A male won’t work for what I have planned.” He kept talking. "I want the power of Creation, and you are the key." He touched my foot, caressing upward as he circled me, starting with my ankle, and then my inner calf. I struggled against the ties, to no avail. "You promised me your body and soul eight years ago. All this," he caressed up my inner thigh. "belongs to me."

    He removed his hand from my skin, thankfully, and placed his open palm on my abdomen. "You have been carrying the seed of my power for about eight years now. At midnight, we will hold a ritual. You and I will join as one flesh, and we will make that seed bloom. You will carry the first of a new race; a modern day, demonic Nephilim. Once it reaches maturity, it will be my body to take over, and then I will have all the power of Heaven and Hell, second only to God almighty himself," he said wistfully. "You should be honored, Riesa."

    "Go to Hell," I promptly replied.

    He chuckled and ran a finger up my sternum along the laces. "We’ve been over this. Already been there." He laughed as he walked away.

    I stared up into the night sky. There wasn’t much that I could other than stay put and feel the anger and terror that fought each other to rip me apart from the inside out. The moon was beautiful and full, in a terrible I’m-going-to-be-ritually-raped-when-its-midnight kind of way. It made me wish I had a watch. On one hand, what did I care? I didn’t have anyone left in the world who would miss me, other than my cat and Clarice. I looked back over at Holly, who had moved slightly. She was awake and alert. I pulled myself out of my pity party. I couldn’t afford to lose it here. I needed to keep myself together if for no other reason than to make sure that she got away, safe and sound. We hadn’t been friends long, but I owed her that much.

    My view of her was blocked by another robed figure who walked up to me and spoke. "Hello, love," Gamori said. I should have figured that she would be here. "Draug hasn’t returned yet."

    It took me a moment to process what she meant. Draug must have been the large demon with the red eyes. I took the meaning behind what she said to heart. "Why are you telling me this?" I replied skeptically.

    She smiled. "I like you. Let me tell you a little secret, love. Bael sent me over to use my particular brand of magic on you, to make you all lusty and more willing to perform his ritual with him. I can't do that because you have some major powers protecting you. Since I can't make you enjoy whats coming up next, let me take a little peek into your future," She leaned over me, brushing my hair back with both of her hands and framing my face. She tried to get me to look into her eyes, and I struggled a bit.

    “Why would you want to help me at all?” I asked her.

    "Look into my eyes, Riesa. I don't want Bael knowing that I'm disobeying. Just look at me and listen."

    Reluctantly, I decided to go with my intuition on this one. I looked at her and stopped struggling. She spoke again, her British accent sounding foreboding and cryptic. “The future is not a straight line. It twists and turns. All beings fear change to some degree, and we demons are not exempt.Suffice to say that there are some futures that I would rather not see.” She took a deep breath. With her so close to my face, I could tell that she had brushed her teeth recently. Her breath was minty fresh. Who’d have thunk that demons brushed their teeth. "You are split between two beings, both who are fighting for you. One wants to keep you, the other wants to use you. By the end of the night, you will belong to only one." She patted my cheek. "Free of charge, love."

    I could see why it was free. It wasn't very helpful, since it was obvious which way this situation was going to go. "You know what would be even more helpful? Not being tied up," I replied.

    She laughed. "That would be cheating! You can do it, love. I believe in you." She walked away.

    I was left alone, once more and I have to say I liked it better that way. There were a few people that I wouldn't mind seeing, and Phil was right at the top of my list. I sincerely hoped that he was still alive like Gamori was strongly hinting at.

    I couldn’t count on him riding in to my rescue, though. I needed to do something. On a whim, I closed my eyes and meditated, focusing on the other-world vibes, hoping that an idea would come to me. It was about all I could do at moment, anyway. I could feel my own power, like warm honey, even though I could no longer see it. I felt it ebb with the rising moon. It was going to be time for the ritual soon. I ignored that, and examined my power, mentally focusing from my fingers to my toes. I took note of two places that were different from what I recognized as mine, one over my heart, and the other over my abdomen. I knew the one over my abdomen was the seed of power that Bael had given me eight years ago.

    I was more interested in the remnant of Azaraphel’s power. We were still connected. I focused on it, reached for it, and felt it build. I imagined it as a ball of energy that I could manipulate and use. I mentally grasped on to it and fed power into it. I had no idea what I was doing, but I fed the energy into my hands, led by some obscure instinct that this would do something. Theoretically, I could use his power, or at least I hoped. I felt the power trickle out my hands and into the ropes above my head. The power was gone, spent. It wasn't enough to completely break the rope, but it was enough to weaken it significantly. I was sure that I could have yanked hard enough to break it, but I had to time things just right, or I'd never make it to Holly and out of the circle, and then there was the issue of my feet still being tied.

    I glanced around. I could count four people in black robes that I did not know, and then Bael and Gamori. I caught a glance of the hilt of my Athame and my clothes near the end of the altar on the ground by my feet. If I got the chance, I planned to break the rope at my wrist and grab the athame to free my feet.

    It was time. I looked up and the moon had begun to develop a red shadow; the Blood Moon. Bael-Greg called everyone to him to begin the first part of the ritual, the ritual cleansing. Everyone moved to the other side of the clearing, and joined around him. It was probably the only opportunity like this that I was going to get. I snatched my wrists, and the rope broke like I had expected. I said a thank you in prayer while I quickly sat up. I stretched and was just barely able to reach the athame. I cut the first rope and I heard Greg shout. I raced to cut the other leg free before the first person reached me. It snapped, and I rolled off the other side of the altar, just barely evading as one of the black robed people reached to grab me.

    I ran towards Holly at the edge of the clearing, invoking the spirits as I did. She looked up and saw me coming, and then stood while she called my name. “Riesa, thank you, thank god,” she sobbed while I quickly cut the ropes. I was very thankful that the athame was sharp.

    “No time,” I huffed. “Run!” I grabbed her hand and took off, blindly leading her into the woods. I had no plan past this, but we needed to get away. I was barefoot, and the stones and sticks under my feet stung, but I was not willing to stop for nothing. Luckily, Holly was wearing shoes and seemed to be doing quite well running on her own. Fear is a great motivator. I could hear the ones chasing us. I didn't know if they were human or demon, and I didn't really care. I just did not want to be caught by them. I invoked the last spirit and paused to cast my circle, touching Holly’s arm, but it was too soon. One of the black robed figures grabbed the back of the white robe I was wearing. Holly screamed. I spun around, pulling him off balance as he held my robe. I stabbed with the athame. It caught him in the back, between the shoulder blades. His scream joined Holly’s, and then he dropped to the ground, motionless.

    “Holly, please stop screaming,” I asked her as calmly as I cold, tracing the circle around us with the tip of my bloody athame. It came to life, stronger than any circle that I had ever made before. I think Holly felt it also, from the look that she had given me. I had no time to think about it. "Elemental Spirits, Gnome, Sylph, Salamander, Undine, please protect me from evil and guide me in my path," I recited from memory, solidifying the circle. Once I had done that, I sat down beside Holly and waited.

 

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Pollyanna Pilsbury wrote 396 days ago

A very well written, edited and polished book.
There's a lot of it, so I haven't read it all yet and I'm going to be away for a while. I thought I'd make my initial comments as I've had this book for a while.
This is not my kind of read anymore, due to having had my fill when I was younger.
That said, this is perfect for that young adult audience. There is a huge market waiting for this and it's one of the best fantasy/devil/demon books that I've read on this site.
You've put a lot of thought and hard work into this book, I wish you all the best of luck.
Pollyanna.

TaniaJohansson wrote 409 days ago

Devil in the Details
Tamara Hickman

I loved this book. The story draws you in immediately and keeps you reading. Your writing is clear and flows very smoothly. No real grammar/spelilng mistakes that I spotted. Your characterisation is strong and you quickly feel empathy for your main protagonist.
You set the scene extremely well. You give details about the surroundings through story telling as opposed to having a paragraph dedicated to explaining what the room looks like.
I loved this and I am sure you will do extremely well with it.

Best of luck
Tania Johansson
Book of Remembrance

Neville wrote 410 days ago

Devil in the Details.
By Tamara Hickman.


Riesa Grimshaw certainly got a shock as she as she arrived at the house her Grandad had left to her in his will.
It had always been well looked after while he was alive—a house to be proud of.
You describe well her feelings as she surveys what used to be her home as well as her Grandfather’s.
The out-of-bounds library...the secrecy of her Grandpa’s ways and his need for personal space where Riesla was concerned. That’s how I see him anyway, suddenly having to cope with a teenager around.
I like the way you take the reader around the house as Riesla removes the furniture covers and progresses up into the attic.
I was there as she delves into the chests and recovers items that she has no recollection of and yet can’t deny.
Photographs that are definitely her years ago, fail to register in her memory.
Then we have the diaries—her handwriting that’s for sure.
This is a story with a lot of mystery and suspense that’s only just starting with the first chapter.
It has an immense hook to it even at this early stage and that’s what counts if the book is to leave the bookshop shelves...I’m sure it will.
Many stars!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 411 days ago

Tamara,
I found "Devil in the Details" an introspective book, long on narrative and short on dialogue, which goes well with the mood surrounding the story. Riesa, using the first person, takes us through a labyrinth of events unraveling the secrets of her grandfather's attic, in a way both engaging and intriguing. She is a sympathetic character one can only root for. Your conversational style is easy to digest and a delight to read. Thanks for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Su Dan wrote 190 days ago

l like your honest narrative style- first person; it works very well indeed...
...backed...
read SEASONS...

Jim Darcy wrote 199 days ago

Not my normal kind of read but the pitch intrigued me and the tale was well-written enough to engage me as a reader.

jemmamcalinden wrote 201 days ago

This book was great I could not stop reading!
I hope to see another installment ASAP
Jemma

Tod Schneider wrote 313 days ago

I really like the set up, and the writing overall. Your main character is an interesting, sympathetic character who I'm already rooting for. Your attention to detail make the locale come alive. You do a great job of planting curious information that we have to read on to find explanations for. Good stuff!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/

Lena M. Pate wrote 340 days ago

Great story and really good lead up to the end of the first chapter. I have only read the first chapter but it has great potential for a first rate mystery and fantasy. Just a couple of suggestions. A few things bothered me but they were cosmetic at best. Like why if she is going to the house knowing her grandfather died on some mountain far away and not not bring groceries with her? Why is she dressed up in expensive heels when she was driving to the backwoods all alone? Also her moods don't seem to vary. She could have had a good cry or laughed after being startled by the cat from nervousness. Event though you mention she was angry at the boyfriend it doesn't come across. You described the outside of the house in detail but once inside we get very little feel of what she is seeing. Something like "As she removed an old blue sheet off of the hard backed sofa, memories of the yellow and green flowers with the multiple buttons and the intricate carved wooden back reminded me of the days when I sat here stiffly waiting for grandfather to finish in his library so that we could go for our weekly trip into town." Something to place her there and remembering life a bit since she hasn't been home for seven years. Also, there are several repetitive words within such as variations of the work pick are repeated in several places. Just suggestions. I'm by no means an expert. Many well deserved stars.

scoz512 wrote 369 days ago

Very vivid and detailed desriptions you give. I also enjoy Reisa's voice, casual and easily read. Nice intriguing plot, love the ending of chapter one, kept me reading on. I will have to come back for more later, just wanted to comment at this point. Will put it on my watchlist.

Sara
War of the Wastelands

kshaw wrote 371 days ago

Hi Tamara,
Wow, I like your concept and this is exactly the book that I love to read. I'm happy I put this on my bookshelf. I think your style is funny and engaging.
Here are my notes:
1. I get where you are coming from with the first two paras, but if you want to send this to an agent (which I think you should when you are ready :) ) you have to cut them. It opens with a cliche and you give us all the information in the second para.
That being said, I love the third para! "It was only fitting that it would be raining when I returned to Salem." That is a beautiful opening. Of course, you don't have to do that. I'm a copywriter so I can't help but notice beginnings of stories :)
2. There are a few cliches in here, especially when you describe Greg. Luxurious brown hair, baby blue eyes, etc.
3. There are also times when you use feel instead of describing the sensation. What I do to remedy that is go into the word document search for the word "feel" and highlight it. That way I can find them quickly and easily.
4. Great dialogue! I usually look for mistakes with dialogue tags and you don't have any, so great job.
5. I love the reference to black magic woman, that's one of my favorite songs and it created the exact mood you were trying to convey to the reader.
6. The hook at the end is wonderful! I will definitely be back to read more!

Frith,
Kayla Shaw
PS Thank you so much for your kind comments on Philosophia. That meant a lot to me and you captivated my book exactly in your comment.

Sue50 wrote 373 days ago

Your book was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. I think you've got a hit here! Happy to place your work on my shelf. Good Luck!
Sue50

Oriax wrote 381 days ago

This is a story that will appeal to the vampire, Twilight fans, with its sparky heroine, the pacy dialogue, the setting of the dusty colonial house. You write well and fluently without any obvious glitches, though I did think you switch tense quite a lot in the opening chapter.
These are the few notes I took:
I don’t think a house can be downtrodden, that’s for people. Houses are run down.
Riesa yelps for very spurious reasons, a bird flying out of its nest, a cat on the porch. In chapter three she yelps again.
You use the word curmudgeon twice to describe the grandfather.

A criticism I would make is that the tone doesn’t change much with the circumstances you’re describing. Riesa uses the same rather irritated tone of voice to her boyfriend on the phone as she does to the demon. Irritated, weary and tongue in cheek. She seems to use the same criteria to judge the demon as she does her boyfriend – how much she fancies him. She also takes it incredibly calmly that she has a demon in her home, going to bed and leaving him to get on with it.
The pillow-throwing scene the next morning is a bit of a cliché, again as if she is just starting a new relationship with a new boyfriend.
Devil in the Details struck me as the kind of book that would appeal to a YA readership, though I maybe haven’t read far enough to get to the hot sex and violence scenes. Good luck with this, it’s the kind of book I can see being very popular.
Jane

Lady Midnight wrote 386 days ago

Hi, Tamara, read the first chapter of Devil in the details and thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s intriguing, well characterized and for the most part, flows well. I’ve outlined some suggestions, which I hope prove useful. If you get a chance would you have a look at the first chapter of Land of Midnight Days? I’d really appreciate any insights you have to offer. http://www.authonomy.com/books/40804/land-of-midnight-days/
The pitch is fine, apart from missing “her” from this sentence: Atlanta city girl, Riesa Grimshaw, has been estranged from {her} overbearing grandfather…
Sometimes, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. At other times, the lemon juice just gets into old wounds and stings like hell. **Great opening line**
He probably [had] wanted to keep everything in the family…**The bracketed word mars the flow of the sentence. Suggest deleting it and just have: He probably wanted…
[It was a four bedroom and two bath home] ** This doesn’t flow well, suggest: It contained four bedrooms and two bathrooms….
. **The paragraph beginning: I finally pulled into the drive and ending with: …he hadn’t been doing it here, is filled with great description, it paints an immediate picture. **
I was certain that I was going to get even dirtier before the day was [up] **Suggest replacing this with “over”**
and startled a bird that had been nesting under the eaves of the [ porch], confirming my suspicions that the [porch] **To avoid the repetition of “porch” so close together, suggest replacing the 2nd with “it”: …confirming my suspicions [it] had become…**
"Hey, baby! Did you make it to Salem alright?" I grinned. It was nice to hear my boyfriend's voice. Greg had one of those great voices that sounded like a deep purr every time he talked. I think he could have read me the phone book…. **Even though we can’t “see” Greg, the description of his voice gives the reader an insight of what he’s like**
I'm a sucker for blue eyes. I think it’s because I have blue eye envy. I was born a dirty blond with muddy brown eyes. I can bleach my hair, but the eyes? I can't really do much about them. **I love the way you describe the MC’s appearance without resorting to clichés, such as looking in a mirror, particularly as this is done from a 1st person pov.**
["You are] at the house already?" **This is a bit formal. In real life, speech is made up of abbreviations, unless something is perhaps being emphasized. Suggest you change this to “You’re”. **
"This house really is a mess, Greg. You should see it." I picked up my bag and dug through my purse, balancing the phone [on my] **Suggest changing to: …balancing the phone “against” my ear…**
I unlocked the door and tried to open it. It stuck a [bit], and a [bit] ** Suggest getting rid of the 2nd “bit”, you don’t really need it and the repetition jars. **
I stood in the doorway for a bit, watching the sunlight reflect off [of] **This might be down to the slight differences between UK and US English, but I don’t think you need the bracketed word. To me the “off” and “of” don’t flow well. Suggest just: …watching the sunlight reflect off …**.
"Oh, please. He died of a heart attack on a mountain in Tennessee. I don't think [that] not getting around was his problem." **You don’t need the bracketed word. Suggest: I don’t think getting around was his problem. Watch out for the word “that” it sneaks up on you when you least expect it. **
I opened a few doors as I passed them so that the rooms could [be airing out] ** I think this would flow better as: …so the rooms could air out…** while I checked out the kitchen.
"I still think it's odd that you don't know what was going on with your [grand dad] **one word: granddad. **
I felt a bit miffed by [that] statement. "You know, I really don't appreciate [that]. You know [that] **You have the word “that” 3 times in one sentence. This is an example of what I mean by this word sneaking up on you. Suggest rejigging along the lines of: I felt a bit miffed by his statement. “You know, I really don’t appreciate that. You know we didn’t talk…**
It's not my fault [that] **and again, suggest omitting it here, you don’t need it, just: It’s not my fault he didn’t call…*
I turned away from the dining room [and its ghostly furniture covers.] **Loved this description**
I didn't like talking about my grandfather, or my teenage years for that matter, [at all.] **Don’t need this. It’s clear from the phrase: I didn’t like talking about… that she doesn’t normally talk about the subject of her grandfather and her life with him. Little additions like this are what I call “tag lines”, which explain what’s already been said. **
I vaguely remember the blow-out argument [that] **Don’t need this. ** we had before I left home for good,
Even though we weren't the closest family, I felt a stab of regret that he hadn't wanted to call me and let me know [that] **Don’t need this. ** he was leaving…
I drew in a ragged breath, but I didn't cry, even though I really wanted to at that moment. Instead, I walked up the stairs and went to my old room to put away my things and change into some clothes [that] **Don’t need this. ** I didn't mind ruining with mud.

I was at least pleasantly surprised to find [that] **Don’t need this. ** the upholstery did not smell like dust and mildew and [that] **Don’t need this. ** the overall integrity of the house was still good. However, I was not so surprised to see [that] **Or this** my grandfather had not upgraded a single piece of furniture in the preceding years. Now [that] **Or this** everything was cleaned…
…but I was certain [that] **There’s that dreaded word again*** they were around somewhere…
I felt like an archaeologist who had just singlehandedly discovered a lost civilization. I found cedar chests, large and small, filled with old clothes, letters, and keepsakes. There was an old sewing machine that must have belonged to my grandmother, who had died before I was born. There was also an antique sewing form with strands of fake pearls and measure tapes strung across it. It still had push pins stuck into it. **Beautifully crafted description. You have a real talent for this. I could “see” this. **
…I was about thirteen years old, wearing a [long] blue jean dress. A [long] chain **Suggest changing the 1st “long” to “full length blue jean dress, to avoid the repetition. ** It was the same pendant that was sitting on top of the record player.
I put down the blanket and picked up the pendant, running my thumb across the stone. It was milky and iridescent, like a polished sea shell. [Even though I was holding it in my hand, it felt like a distant memory,] **Loved this. **
But I couldn't ignore [that] the objects in this box were telling me an entirely different story. An entire photo album depicted me with a grandfather [that] I did not remember, in places [that] I had no recollection of ever going to, doing things [that] I did not recall doing at all. It looked real, but it wasn't anything at all like I remembered.
**Okay, the dreaded word used 4 times in one paragraph; you only need one of them. But I couldn’t ignore that the objects in this box…depicted me with a grandfather I did not remember…in places I had no recollection of…doing things I did not recall…**
I closed the diary that I was currently reading and put my head in my hands, lacing my fingers in my hair [as an act of sheer frustration] **Do you really need this “tag line?” Her action of lacing her fingers in her hair speaks for itself. **
He [finished] and scampered off, leaving me to [finish] my sandwich alone. **Finished and finish are too alike, suggest changing the latter to”eat”. **
After cleaning up [from mine and the cat's lunches,] **Don’t really need this, as it’s obvious what she’s cleaning up**
…and paced across the kitchen, [back and forth] **Don’t need this, the fact she’s pacing is enough**

Kate LaRue wrote 389 days ago

Tamara,
I finished reading Devil in the Details last night. What a fast paced, edge of your seat book filled with unique characters. Riesa is a very relatable character who pops off the page. Phil is easy to like even though he's a demon. It is obvious as soon as the cat hisses at Greg that something is up with him, too.

There are just a few things I noticed throughout that could maybe be reworded to tighten up the narrative. If you've ever read Strunk & White's The Elements of Style, they say that the best dialogue tags are 'said' and 'asked' (my personal preference is to tag dialogue as little as possible). They also caution against using too many 'ly' adverbs. Typically you can find a better verb instead of attaching an 'ly' adverb to it. This is true when tagging dialogue too. I noticed once the tag was 'Gamori said seductively' or something like that, when it was obvious from her words and behavior that she was being seductive.

Another thing to watch for is use of cliches. I noticed several while reading. Try to find a new way to express tired old sayings. I think Authonomy even has a list of cliches to avoid at all costs.

There were typos such as duplicated words sprinkled throughout, so the whole manuscript could use a thorough read through to fix those.

Overall this was a very enjoyable read that pulled me along. I assume there is at least one more book with these characters. I'd be interested to see what happens to Riesa and Phil and the others. This is highly starred and in line for a spot on my shelf.
Kate


melissa_simonson wrote 393 days ago

Hi Tamara! Well I got through your first chapter (I can get to more, if you think I'm helpful at all, and if you want to do multi-chapter swaps....eh, just let me know) and took some notes down. They're mostly just worthless thoughts, and I know nothing about writing ayway, really, since I've never been formally trained and what not, so feel free to ignore any and all suggestions!

I think the opening paragraph could do with some re-writing. I get what you're going for, but I think it could be "tighter". Seems a little wordier than it needs to be. Maybe "Sometimes, life gives you lemons, and you make lemonade. And then sometimes the lemon juice seeps into open wounds and stings like hell." I think you should elminate the 'old wounds' because old wounds, I would think, would be healed, so the lemon juice wouldn't sting...?

The sentence ..."...It was now the week after..." seems too wordy -- I think "It had been a week" reads better.

The Salem, Alabama thing confused me. Of course it's possible that a town could be called Salem, aside from the one in Massachusetts, but it was a bit unbelievable to me. Just a thought.

I also found it hard to believe that orange could be "ghastly". I am thinking 'garish' would be a much better fit in that sentence.

I notice you use the word "stumbled" very close together, when your MC is walking up the porch. I would eliminate one of the 'stumbled's or simply *show* us she stumbled -- like, "I yelped when I tumbled to my knees on the porch". Ehh that's bad, don't use that line, but I hope you get what I'm driving at.

You mentioned the stray cat careened -- I think careened is an odd word there. I mean, it works, but it doesn't resonate with me. If anything, I would think it "streaked" across the porch.

During the phone conversation with Greg, he says "you are" where I think it should have been "you're". The you are just sounded a bit too formal for a phone conversation, and most people don't talk that way.

While I'm on the phone conversation, your MC's inner dialogue confused me a bit. She talks of wanting to smack him, give him the evil eye, etc, and it got a bit wearing. I know you want the reader to get that she's being teased, but I think you over-played it a tad.

I did, however, liked that you gave us information on your MC's relationship with her deceased grandfather through the conversation with Greg, instead of hitting us in the eyes with it and just flat - out stating the info.

Back to the phone conversation -- I think it's an odd choice to use the word 'purr' when describing a man's voice. I mean, I'm sure it happens, but 'purr' is almost too sexy. Was he trying to be sexy? And anyway, you mentioned the 'purr' twice, and I think one of them could do with changing.

The sentence, "...He had known he wasn't coming back." was good. It really made me wonder, why not? And want to keep reading.

After the scene change, you said, "...for a good nights rest" and it read awkwardly. I think it would read better if you said, "after a good nights rest".

I know we as writers hate hearing the show v. tell thing, but I think I have to say it -- toward the middle/end of chapter 1 there was a lot of it. "It hurt having no real family." "My head hurt." I think you could play those things up a little. A pang in her heart would tell us it hurt. A thudding in her head would show us her head throbbed.

One thing I didn't like was when you tacked on (when she's in the kitchen with the stray cat) "...Sorry, poor choice of words..." It felt like an intrusion on the narration. To me, anyway.

I'm sorry if you think this is full of nit-picks! I really do like it, but I thought I'd point out the flaws to make it better (I'd rather have an honest review than a pat on the back one). Hopefully you don't think I'm being harsh, because I really do feel it's got a lot of promise :)

Melissa

Spilota wrote 396 days ago

This is excellent reading. Thoroughly enjoying it and will read it all.

Pollyanna Pilsbury wrote 396 days ago
Pollyanna Pilsbury wrote 396 days ago

A very well written, edited and polished book.
There's a lot of it, so I haven't read it all yet and I'm going to be away for a while. I thought I'd make my initial comments as I've had this book for a while.
This is not my kind of read anymore, due to having had my fill when I was younger.
That said, this is perfect for that young adult audience. There is a huge market waiting for this and it's one of the best fantasy/devil/demon books that I've read on this site.
You've put a lot of thought and hard work into this book, I wish you all the best of luck.
Pollyanna.

Christian Bell wrote 401 days ago

Very informative narration of the history of Reece and her Grandfather. The discriptions of the property and landscape are very good and the storyline rolls on at good pace. I like your writing style and think that this could be very succesful on authonomy. I wish you the best of luck with this and rate it highly.
Christian

ForeverAnimetriss wrote 401 days ago

This is a very interesting book you have here! I'm not exactly sure if I'm a fan of Riesa just yet. She reminds me of a stuck up city girl who has forgotten her roots. I'm curious to see how this all turns out. Keep up the good work! :)

ForeverAnimetriss wrote 401 days ago

This is a very interesting book you have here! I'm not exactly sure if I'm a fan of Riesa just yet. She reminds me of a stuck up city girl who has forgotten her roots. I'm curious to see how this all turns out. Keep up the good work! :)

J C Michael wrote 406 days ago

Hi Tamara,
I've just read your first two opening chapters and think this is a solid start and an interesting story so far. The style of writing everything from the point of view of your main character works well, although you do need to watch out for repetition of "I" did this and "I" did that in consecutive sentances. There are also a couple of other places where the same word crops up repeatedly and I think the story would be improved if things were mixed up a little. One example if this is the word "remember", try "recall", or "bring to mind", as alternatives.
Having said that this is a good read and should play well to a young adult audience if it continues in this vein. With a little bit of polishing you could certainly get this to a high enough standard to shoot up the rankings and I hope to see you achieve that and build upon the promise of what you have so far.
Highly starred for the strong narrative elements if the story and potential that this story seems to have.
Best wishes,
James

KoriBates wrote 409 days ago

I started reading the first chapter, but I had to stop. I love what your book is about and after skimming through some of it, it really is well written and catches my attention, but the first few paragraphs did nothing to draw me in. I do like the way you described her reactions to her boyfriend on the phone call and the dialogue between the two. Of course, these are just my opinions and you can take them for what they're worth. You have a knack for writing. I'll keep this on my watch list and come back to it.

TaniaJohansson wrote 409 days ago

Devil in the Details
Tamara Hickman

I loved this book. The story draws you in immediately and keeps you reading. Your writing is clear and flows very smoothly. No real grammar/spelilng mistakes that I spotted. Your characterisation is strong and you quickly feel empathy for your main protagonist.
You set the scene extremely well. You give details about the surroundings through story telling as opposed to having a paragraph dedicated to explaining what the room looks like.
I loved this and I am sure you will do extremely well with it.

Best of luck
Tania Johansson
Book of Remembrance

Neville wrote 410 days ago

Devil in the Details.
By Tamara Hickman.


Riesa Grimshaw certainly got a shock as she as she arrived at the house her Grandad had left to her in his will.
It had always been well looked after while he was alive—a house to be proud of.
You describe well her feelings as she surveys what used to be her home as well as her Grandfather’s.
The out-of-bounds library...the secrecy of her Grandpa’s ways and his need for personal space where Riesla was concerned. That’s how I see him anyway, suddenly having to cope with a teenager around.
I like the way you take the reader around the house as Riesla removes the furniture covers and progresses up into the attic.
I was there as she delves into the chests and recovers items that she has no recollection of and yet can’t deny.
Photographs that are definitely her years ago, fail to register in her memory.
Then we have the diaries—her handwriting that’s for sure.
This is a story with a lot of mystery and suspense that’s only just starting with the first chapter.
It has an immense hook to it even at this early stage and that’s what counts if the book is to leave the bookshop shelves...I’m sure it will.
Many stars!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Thomas C. wrote 411 days ago

Tamara, you have a writing style that is very clear and concise, much like Charlaine Harris. It hypnotizes you and brings you into the story with good narrative. My suggestion: see if you can pump up at the opening sentence, grabbing us by the collar and making us sit up in the seat earlier. I'm big lover of horror, thriller and paranormal and I'm sure its some creepy stuff in Grandpa's old house. that you can use as a device-creepy spiders, house sounds etc. String the tension a little longer. Wishing for the running water is okay, but would she freak about the many legs of a hairy spider crawling up her neck, or an unexplained bloodstain that leads to somewhere or. . . nowhere, thats up to you. Overall I like it and will be reading more.

Thomas C.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 411 days ago

Tamara,
I found "Devil in the Details" an introspective book, long on narrative and short on dialogue, which goes well with the mood surrounding the story. Riesa, using the first person, takes us through a labyrinth of events unraveling the secrets of her grandfather's attic, in a way both engaging and intriguing. She is a sympathetic character one can only root for. Your conversational style is easy to digest and a delight to read. Thanks for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

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