Book Jacket

 

rank 4574
word count 81393
date submitted 07.04.2012
date updated 23.01.2013
genres: Literary Fiction, Historical Fictio...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Lord of All: The Legend of Richard and Anne

S. Lewis

Prince Richard and Lady Anne fall in love, but there can never be a match between them. Nobles do not marry for love.

 

Richard’s rival, King Philip of France finds that he, too, has feelings for Anne—but does he love her only because Richard does? As the characters try to navigate their way through conquest and crusade, they find that duty, honor, and chivalry can be harsh mistresses without regard for love. Can they survive the journey with their honor intact?

Lord of All is written in the tradition of a Medieval Romance but palatable to the modern reader. Human qualities of the historical characters in the book are exposed as they struggle through issues of love, sex, marriage, family, and make choices in situations where right or wrong are not clear.


 
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castles, chivalry, crusades, friendship, historical fiction, knight, legends, medieval, nobility, philip ii, richard i

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Chapters

15

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Chapter 14

 

Just under a month passed, and Anne remained at Poitiers with Richard. Strangely, they did not hear anything from or about Henry. One morning Anne rose early and found Richard sitting alone in his solar chamber, letters strewn on the table before him. “Good morning.” She kissed his cheek.

And a good morning to you, my sweet Annie. He pulled another chair near for her.

Unsure she liked the new nickname, she wrinkled her nose. “Master Blondel told me you have been up half the night.

Oh, I could not sleep.

Is something the matter? Are you ill?

He picked up the letter. I have received word that a vassal, the Count of Bordeaux, is in rebellion against me. Part of me wonders if Henry is not behind this.

Anyway, I will be heading south to remind Bordeaux exactly who his overlord is. Here,he handed her a letter as well. The messengers came very late last night, and I did not want to wake you. This one is for you.

Anne took the letter, opened it, and began to read it. It is a letter from my father and Cousin Etienne.

She read the rest of the letter. When she finished, she placed the letter on the table. Richard, after the matter in Bordeaux is settled, how would you feel about a journey to Marseilles?

“You’ve gone pale. Has something happened?

It would seem that my fathers condition has worsened. It is very serious.

Then I think it best that you not wait. You must leave for Marseilles as soon as possible. I could join you after I settle the matter in Bordeaux.

She nodded. Yes, that would be best. I will miss you though.

“That goes without saying.” Richard attempted to make her smile. I am not looking forward to any time apart, but it will not be long until I see you in Marseilles.

When do you leave for Bordeaux? She questioned.

The preparations are underway. I expect to leave by this afternoon.” He sighed.

Anne hesitated. Promise me that you will keep Baldwin and

Andrew close. They are your best men.

“Maybe one should accompany you,” he offered.

“No.” She shook her head. They should be with you.

Anne, what is it?

It is silly, really.

Tell me.

I do not know why, but I have an uneasy feeling about all of this. She shook as if trying to rid herself of the notion. Please, just keep Baldwin and Andrew with you.

He consented. “If it will put you at ease, I will, however, send for Mercadier to keep you safe.

Mercadier, the mercenary? Anne wrinkled her nose.

“Yes. I trust him. He serves me well, and I always pay him handsomely for it. He will get you to Marseilles safely.” Richard flashed her a reassuring smile.

Anne kissed his cheek again. If you trust him, then I shall trust him. She rose from her chair. In the meantime, I better inform Marguerite of our plans.

She left the room with Richard still in the chair where she found him.

z

By early afternoon, Richard and his men were prepared to leave. The knights gathered in the hectic courtyard, some exchanging farewell kisses and goodbyes with loved ones. Anne accompanied Richard into the courtyard. Though still early in the spring, the warmer weather coaxed the hardiest of trees to bud.

Mercadier should be here within a week, Richard informed her.

Richard, do promise that you will be cautious. Please do not take any extraordinary risks, Anne urged him.

Oh, come now, since when have I been known to do any such thing.” He batted his eyelashes at her.

I am serious, Richard. She turned to Baldwin and Andrew nearby.

Baldwin, Andrew, promise me to look after him.

Baldwin replied for the both. We will, My Lady.

Richard rolled his eyes. Heaven and hell preserve us, woman! I will be just fine.

Now give your departing warrior a kiss.

Anne kissed him softly, and Richard mounted his horse. He bent down to her. I shall see you in Marseilles.

Richard and his knights cantered out of the courtyard and galloped down the road toward the village. Without warning, Richard stopped his horse. Swiftly, he turned around and bounded back for the castle courtyard. Baldwin and Andrew exchanged entertained looks then followed.

Richard burst into the courtyard shouting, Anne! Anne!

Anne, hearing him call her name, emerged onto the steps. Richard? What is it- what is the matter?

Richard halted his horse next to the staircase. They were even with each other now, she at the top of the stairs, and he on his horse. Richard grabbed her and kissed her with intensity.

Hang Bordeaux. I am not going. Ill not leave you! He breathed.

He tried to kiss her again, but she stopped him by placing a finger on his lips.

Richard, you must go. Besides, you promised we would be together again soon. Take faith in that, and go perform your duty.

Richard removed his glove and took a ring from his pinky. Take this as a remembrance of me.

He kissed the ring and placed it in her hand, folding her fingers around it.

You gave me a token all those years ago, and it is about time I returned the favor.

Have you got it? Her hazel eyes shone.

Here it is, Richard pulled the scarf out.

Anne took it from him and tied it securely on his arm.

Andrew called out to Richard, Whats it to be Richard, love or war?

Richard looked at Andrew and Baldwin, sitting on their horses laughing to themselves. Then he glanced back at Anne. Both! He called out.

Well, come on then, let us go tear something down.” Baldwin motioned to leave.

Anne quickly gave Richard one last kiss. I will see you in Marseilles.

“In Marseilles.”

He spurred his horse and called back over his shoulder, I love you.

“You just cannot help yourself.” She waved goodbye.

z

In just under a week, Mercadier and his men arrived. Their horses better kempt than they, the group appeared coarse. Mercadier reminded Anne of a wild boar, small and round, bristly, and mean. An unusual scar that ran across the bottom of his nose looked like horns. Mercadier made Anne feel nervous, but she kept reminding herself that Richard trusted him.

Anne and Marguerite stayed up late packing the night before they were to leave for Marseilles. Are you excited to be going home tomorrow? Marguerite placed another dress in the bursting trunk.

Yes, I am. It has been so long. Anne watched Marguerite struggle to close the lid. I am not looking forward to the journey, however. Mercadier and his men are a rather rough lot.

Marguerite pushed against the top, trying to latch the trunk. “They may be rough, but I do believe they will get us to Marseilles safely.

 Let us hope they sober up from their nights revels. Anne sat on the top of the trunk.

Marguerite finally closed the lid. She gave a long low whistle and shook her head at it. She turned to Anne to help her prepare for bed. Has mlady heard from the duke?

Anne slipped out of her dress and into a shift and dressing gown with Marguerites help. Mercadier brought news that Richard arrived in Bordeaux and has laid siege to the Counts stronghold. Knowing Richard, it will not be long before he takes his target and is on his way to Marseilles.

What if he were to arrive there before we do? Wouldnt that be a great joke?

Marguerite giggled.

“Then I better get some rest so that we may proceed to Marseilles as fast as possible. Anne climbed into her bed and snuggled under the covers.

Goodnight, M’lady, Marguerite took the candle with her.

Anne called out to her, Thank you, Marguerite, and good night to you. I will see you early in the morning.

Marguerite closed the door behind her and the room fell dark. With a new moon outside, there was no moonlight to give the room a glow.

Anne fell asleep fast. For a while, she slept comfortably and soundly. She dreamed of Marseilles and Richard. In her dream, Richard was in Marseilles waiting with her father. They walked along the coast when an owl landed on her fathers shoulder. It confused her, an owl on the beach in the middle of the day. The sky around them turned black, and wind rushed in from the ocean. She had the sinking notion that someone was attacking Marseilles. Anne tried to tell herself it was a dream, and time to wake up. She struggled with this for a brief moment and then managed to roll over.

As she lay in the dark trying to shake off the lingering uneasiness, the door to her chamber flew open. Anne bolted straight up in bed. Several persons entered the room, and by their heavy footsteps Anne could tell they were men. One of the men yanked her out of bed and threw her to the floor. As she grappled to get up, the tallest man grabbed her by the arm with such force that she again stood upright. Then another man entered the room carrying a torch, the light slowly revealed his face, Raymond of Castile.Hello again, Lady Anne.

The sound of his cold voice made her sick, but she quickly found her courage.

Just what do you think you are doing, Castile?

A grotesque grin smeared his face. Carrying out orders from the king.

Anne fought against the tall mans grip, but he simply restrained her further.

“Your brother has no power here,” she snapped at Raymond.

Raymond gave a sardonic sigh. “No, sadly he does not. However, good King

Henry does. It would seem that you are to be in my custody. Fortunately, for me, your precious Richard went too far.

I do not believe you!

He came very close to her and whispered, “Oh, believe it, My Dear. He backed away and ordered, Now come with me.

No! Ill not go anywhere with you! Mercadier! Mercadier!

Raymond let out an odd laugh,, almost a cackle. It will do you no good. We are acting on orders from the king. Even Mercadier dares not disobey.

“You are a wretch! Ill not go with you!

Raymond yanked her forward. Oh yes, you will. If I must drag you by your hair, you are coming with me!

Before she could respond, the tall man, along with others, bound and dragged her outside to the courtyard in just her shift and bare feet. She struggled in vain. The men tossed Anne into a cart. She tried to wriggle out and almost made it, but the men lashed her to it. Raymond headed toward his horse. The castle in chaos, Marguerite, Master Blondel, and Mercadier pleaded with the men to release her. “My Lord Castile, I beg of you, do not do this. Please, do not take Lady Anne. Surely something can be arranged with the duke.” Blondel knelt before Castile.

Raymond turned on him. Look here, you little gudgeon. I know that as soon as I leave here someone is gong to tell your master what happened. In fact, Im counting on it. Give this to him.

He handed Blondel a letter. Then Raymond went to Anne and yanked the green silk ribbon from her neck that held Richards ring. Oh, yes, and give this to him too. He tossed it to Blondel. Tell your master that even if he were to come after Lady Anne, it will be too late; she is to be my wife.

 

Chapters

15

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Seringapatam wrote 492 days ago

The authors of the next three I am reading have not been on the site for a while but I feel that if I am reading them then I should comment on them. This one in particular reads very well and I think may do well. It is so well written and researched too. Nice flow, great characters and brilliant narrative. I enjoyed this and if the author came onto the site and pushed it, I can see it doing well.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Patty Apostolides wrote 626 days ago

Historical Fiction Review:
Chapters 1-6

This is a superbly written story, and so well researched that I felt as if I were there, taking all this in. The characters were very realistic with their hopes, dreams, and fears. The setting felt authentic and the details utilized all my senses.

I really liked Lady Anne, with her sensibilities, her wit, and her virtuous character. I also liked Richard and his growing love for her. He was sensitive to her wishes and caring enough to see that she was well after Raymond's nasty treatment of her.

I have placed it on my WL and look forward to reading the rest of the story.

I have given it a well deserved six stars, and will back soon. It deserves the Editor's Desk, for sure.

Best,
Patty
The Greek Maiden and the English Lord

HGridley wrote 716 days ago

Chapter One:
The appeal to the senses is very good. I also like the personification of the castle leering down at him and mocking him.
The detail of defending a castle made of butter = classic!
All the details are very well researched, and it’s like I’m actually there.
“the castellan, Roger de Lacy surrendered…” there should be another comma after “Lacy”
What is the meaning of the random Y?
The idea of a king grieving at a grave after a great victory is very intriguing. Great end to the first chapter; I want to keep reading on.
I’ve got lots to do, so I’ll return at another day to read more. Great beginning! You’ve begun on the right foot, and the tone you set is really absorbing. I like it. Often Medieval work is cliché and pat, and here you’ve given it life and color.
~Hannah

Eftborin wrote 755 days ago

Aha...you like medieval as i do. I think it was the wish of every school boy in my school-going days to be either Robin Hood or Richard Coeur de Lion. Of course as i do like that period in world history, detail to actual history are important. I like it and will read more...you may find mine an interesting read.
Pat

Shelby Z. wrote 778 days ago

This is a unique book on this site. There aren't many medieval books on here.
I like the way you write.
I think in the first chapter there is a ton of information, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. Good because we know where your coming from, but bad in that it could be too dry for some readers.
Anyways, I think that you develops this well and have a good use of words.
Good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Egon R. Tausch wrote 778 days ago

Hist.Fict. Readers Grp
Dear Ms. J,

I wanted to continue reading your MS, but felt that too much time between chapters would hurt the flow, so I re-read from the start through ch 12. Will read on soon. Your story is moving swimmingly, and you have not compromised your historical setting as so many novels do. We are learning to think as they did. The suspense is building. I am, of course, now backing your book. A few nitpicks:

Ch 11:
----Computer glitch in lines of separation between "Richard and" and "Geoffrey have their lands...".
----"There is too great of risk of you being killed..." Suggest first "of" be changed to "a".

Ch 12:
----"Yes, yes, I am fully aware of that you have told the Queen." Something's wrong with this sentence.
----A few lines later you either need to run two paragraphs in dialogue together, or use a quotation mark before "You realize that once you give yourself to Richard...".
----3 more computer glitches, where your paragraphs are cut in half: "Besides, if I may be so bold...", "I do not pursue a marriage with Richard, nor will I..." and "Now I know that, I cannot release you."
----People probably had at least a version of "pain in the ass", but it can't help but strike readers as modern slang.
----You need a quote mark before "You know I trust them completely." or combine it with the previous paragraph. (Your paragraphs tend to be awfully short, anyway; short paragraphs tend to add a transparently false excitement.)
----"I guess I shall see you in..." "Guess" sounds slangy; suggest "Shall I see you in Poitiers then?"

Keep up the good work.

Regards,
Egon R. Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

Egon R. Tausch wrote 801 days ago

Hist.Fict.Readers Grp
Dear Ms J,

Have finally finished ch's 6-9 of your MS (I was delayed by trying to get back all my backings which Authonomy arbitrarily dropped). Queen Eleanor is very well portrayed; just as she comes across in history. Your plot is moving along very well. I am glad that you continue the history, and don't let it degenerate into just a modern love story. You have certainly done your research, and your writing style is spot on. I expect to put you on my shelf when I have read a little further. I hope you don't mind nitpicks; the ones below are interspersed with praise.

Ch 6:
"stonewalls" -- -- should be two words.
Typo: "...room where her favorite" -- -- should be "were"
"When the tapestries...truly home." -- -- One of the best lines on Authonomy; tells us volumes about the tapestries and Eleanor.
Paragraph beginning "Eleanor stopped pacing..." -- -- you go back and forth between Henry's, and it is difficult, since you have never before mentioned Henry II, to tell whether you are talking about father or son. This again occurs in your 3 paragraphs "Ah, but do not forget Louis...to meet Louis in Paris." You mention "Henry", father or son [?], 5 times, all mixed.
"Richard wonderd why..." -- -- should be "wondered"

Ch 7:
Your part on the chest called "the Reliquary..." is brilliant detail, without detracting from the action.
"Three maybe four hours..." -- -- suggest comma after "Three".
"Henry never, nor would he ever..." -- -- suggest comma after "ever".
Typo: last line in ch -- -- "grateaful" -- -- should be "grateful".

Ch 8:
"I arrest you in the name of the king Henry." -- -- suggest you drop "the", but capitalize "King".
Last line, suggest comma after "Channel".

Ch 9:
Suggest that you indicate to the reader that you have moved back to the narrative started in your Prologue. I, for one, had forgotten that Broase was telling the story.
"Soon enough, believe you me,..." -- -- last phrase is modern slang.
"Richard grumped..." -- -- is there such a word? A cross between "grumbled" and "harrumphed"?
"...sons put together haphazardly" -- -- strikes me as slangy. "Matilda's husband..." -- -- should be combined with previous paragraph. I would be very confused about the family relationships described by Geoffrey if I weren't a historian of the period.
You imply that William the Marshal is not only fickle in his loyalties but promiscuous with women. I've read 2 biographies of William, and there is no evidence of either characteristic.
You drop the death of Rosamond like a bomb, apparently well after the fact.

Ch 10:
"exchequer" means "from the chequered hall" (the English Treasury). Drop the "ex" if you mean a different hall.
"When it came time..." -- -- you again have "exchequer", and "brimed" for "brimmed"; and I doubt a thousand knights could be in attendance in any hall that isn't a major cathedral.
You mention an "empty plate" -- -- Didn't they still use hollowed out loaves ("trenchers") instead of plates?
"Eleanor convinced..." -- -- I would put "had" after "Eleanor".
"No, I apologize." -- -- suggest comma be a period.
Three paragraphs later -- -- you again use "exchequer", again.
Next paragraph -- -- you have the word "stopped" with 3 p's.
"a frantic wrapping" -- -- should be "rapping".
"...to grab his hand again, but he caught it." -- -- Caught what?
Second time Richard says "God's leg" -- -- suggest you change it (God's wounds?).

Despite all my nitpicks, you are a great story-teller. Will continue reading.

Egon R. Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

Andrew Hughes wrote 821 days ago

(Historical Fiction group)

Hi Ms J,

I read the first three chapters and really enjoyed the story.

It’s a very vivid opening. I’m not sure you need the line: ‘As he closed his eyes to compose himself, he remembered in detail…’ and so on. You can just tell of the siege, the reader will know it’s the back-story. It would avoid you having to keep saying the description of the siege is Charles’s memory. Also, I don’t think Charles would have snickered to himself given the situation.

You describe action very well, like the catapult rocks hitting the walls, or the men spitting out the spray in the drain.

Occasionally you repeat words and phrases close together, which can chime a bit, but that’s easily fixed. I’d also try to use less exclamation points. It would help the speech sound more natural.

I like the portraits of Eleanor and Anne in Ch 1. And the characters and interactions at the banquet are well described. Raymond’s proposal to Richard in the next chapter is perfectly vile. I think it’s often best to use ‘said’ to describe speech, rather than words like ‘chided’ or ‘snapped’.

There’s no need to repeat your short pitch in the longer one. I think you could use the long pitch to give more details of the plot, as it’s quite a big book.

Overall this is a very good piece of historical fiction. Highly starred.

Best of luck with it,
Andrew.
The Morning Drop

jlbwye wrote 822 days ago

Lord of All. A Hist.Fict. read. Your short pitch is succinct, and rouses interest, but you do not need to repeat the concept in the long pitch. Instead, use the words to build up the characters and their emotions, with the broad sweep of your plot, perhaps?

I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert. I tend to notice nits - hope you dont mind?

Ch.1. Prologue. Great choice of words - 'profane stench', compounded by the vomiting later on. This is a striking opening for your book.

Do you want nits?
There are some vague / unnecessary words which spoil the flow of a story: rather, certainly, seemed to (Ch.2) just, rather.

And words repeated too often / too close together can jar on a descerning editor. Charles, breath/ing, rope, grave (Ch.2) Poitiers, court, count/ess.

You reveal some history and back-story through Charles's thoughts. Good technique.
For a moment there, I was thinking Charles had let out the chapel - not his breath - perhaps exhaled?

Yes - I, like Broase, think Charles is being brash and insensitive. Maybe he was lucky to get away with it!
So. A tale within a tale. A well contrived Prologue.

Ch.2. (Auth). You create a bustling, charming scene and introduce the practical Eleanor and the lovable Anne in an easy style.
Although it passes in the real world, such repetitions in dialogue as 'not to worry' are inadvisable on the printed page.
The dialogue between Anne and Millicent flows easily and naturally, while revealing more of their characters and advancing the story.
Promise of an appropriately romantic scene provides a hook to draw the reader on.

Ch.3. Oh - I wish to have more of their first intimations of love, but you have jumped over the episode.
However, you have captured their gaiety well in the repartee between Anne and Richard.
And that is a sudden, unsavoury action on Raymond's part.

Ch.4. A strong, enthralling beginning to this chapter. And enlightening, for I know very little of the time and customs of your period.
'Love is not the issue here, duty and honour are.'
Dont you mean Richard waited on the bench where he had seen Anne reading her letter the first time they met?

This romantic story is developing well in the tradition of historical fiction, between the folds of weightier matters.
I enjoy the light humour of their blossoming love, and the characters are coming alive against a background of heavy tradition.

Lots of stars.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

ceejezoid wrote 823 days ago

Hist Fiction Forum Review:

This is my first official review for the historical fiction forum. I picked yours as you seem to have given a lot more reviews than you have received!!!

Right, so. This is not a period of history I really know anything about. Mention Richard and John to me and the best I can do is Robin Hood! Probably a good thing, for review purposes, as I can be a bit of a control group for readers who don't know the back story.

I'm enjoying the plot. Read chapters 1-5, and Richard and Anne's relationship is shaping up well. She's got a mind of her own, she is sympathetic, she's strong willed. Richard seems a bit knee-weakening and swoony, so all good. Raymond is a great scoundral to set them off! The descriptions of his singing, or rather the listeners' reactions, were highly amusing!

I like the rumours and scandals circulating round court, its really breathing life into your settings and seems to fit with other stories from similar periods I've read, or at least my imagination of the period! The set up of Richard's pre-engagement and Anne's wealth (but presumned inability to inherit straight off, as she is a woman?) promises lots of great conflict.

The prologue is good, but a little info-heavy. I don't think you need so much about the siege, especially if you will be returning to it later. The horrible toilet shaft and the guarding of the grave in the chapel are, however, an intruiging start and a good hook for getting into the story.

Couple of little things:

Chapter one features noses quite prominently! Not sure if you were aware, but you describe at least 4 noses in the one chapter. Doesn't seem to happen again in what I have read.

I think there should be a break between Eleanor's first conversation with Anne and the start of the feast to clarify the time/location shift.

Right at the start of chapter 5 you use sleep twice in about 3 lines - "sleep still clung to their fumbling hands"(love this)..."sleep-ruffled hair"

Thoroughly enjoyable, have some stars!

Egon R. Tausch wrote 826 days ago

Hist. Fict. Forum Review
Dear S. Lewis, Your Prologue and first 4 ch's and half of 5 are outstanding. I am writing as a professional historian. Thank God you haven't fallen for the revisionists who claim that Richard was homosexual, on no real evidence. Your descriptions of chivalric customs of the time are spot-on (especially the "courts of love"). Your writing is formal enough, without being archaic. I do think that the last part of the ch 5 is a bit too modern, and not oblique enough (even kings followed the prevailing rules of seduction). Also, I doubt Anne would have been too worried about pregnancy: Kings and dukes rarely failed to ennoble their illegitimate children, especially if the mother was a rich Lady. Richard was well aware that he was a direct descendant, and owed his claim to the crown to being so, of William the Conqueror -- -- formerly, "Duke William the Bastard". Richard also had such a passionate view, and had the ability, to conquer far more lands, of which much would have gone to any bastards. Finally, his hatred of his brother John was such that he would have named any son, legitimate or not, his heir to the royal throne. The Middle Ages are chock-full of bastards who became earls, dukes, and even kings. And, of course, Richard finally had no heirs, of any sort, except his hated brother. (And he had William the Marshal, the greatest knight in Europe, to protect his child until he was grown.) Marshal with his army loyally and successfully protected 3 successive totally different named heirs to the throne, the last one a child, against all opposing powers. You might at least hint at some of this, in a line or two about bastardy at the time, for verisimilitude. Also, his protestation to that effect, would make the scene more in keeping with his character, and eye on the crown, rather than only sliding into a modern love scene. I'm sure I'll enjoy the rest of your book greatly, when I can get to it. You know your period very, very well, and are a great plot writer. 6 stars. Bookshelf soon.

"He is the sixth in line for the succession...Philip, Juan the cook, the master at arms, the pigs, the horses..." One of the best sentences I have read on Authonomy.

I only list nitpicks for outstanding MS's:

Prologue:
Broase shuts the same door twice in 4 lines.

Ch 1:
"...radiated more than some half her age." -- -- add "women" or "ladies" after "some".
"Like most noble women, Marie's father..." -- -- antecedent doesn't match subject of the sentence.
"She is the heir of the Viscount de Marseilles..." -- -- you have "wealth" and "wealthy" in 3 lines. Change one to "rich"?
"...she tried to stiffle her laughter." -- -- stifle?

Ch 2:
"Later in the week, a joust occurred." -- -- Would suggest a more active verb. "...came the joust."?

Ch 3:
Castile's friend refuses to answer a question which would reveal his principal. Then a bit later he gives Castile away by mentioning his mercenary motive. -- -- might add something like "He blurted, before realizing the consequences." It seems the whole court learned who the parties were due to that indiscretion.

Ch 5:
"...her lady Marguerite who she sent for some wine." -- -- should be "whom".

Great job,
Egon R. Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

P.S. Please read my MS and give me brutally honest comments.

earthlover wrote 832 days ago

Read through chapter 5. I admire the attention to detail and time that comes with writing an historic novel. I especially enjoyed the exchange of the flower on the morning ride. She'd been tearing them apart one at a time, but she didn't tear the petals off that one. Lovely!
Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

earthlover wrote 833 days ago

Read the prologue. I love the idea of a soldier crawling through what is basically a sluice pipe, into a church to guard a grave. WOW! The contrast between the sewer and the church, the fact that they had to break the church glass, the battle, the King, wanting to be alone with the grave of his beloved. So far this is an awesome epic story. I've already given it high stars and will read on.

Adeel wrote 835 days ago

A nice, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive and realistic with vivid description and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Ms. J wrote 835 days ago

Kate,
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read. I sincerely appreciate your comments. I've wondered about the opening scene myself. I do use Father Broase and Charles to help move the plot along as the book covers so many years. I'm still debating what to do with that. I will keep reading yours. Today was just insane and I couldn't get back to it. (Grrrrrrr!)

Cheers,
Ms. J

Ms. J wrote 835 days ago

Jack,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read. I really appreciate it. I also very much appreciate your comments. I've got your book on my watch list, and I will be reading it tomorrow. I meant to today, but things got crazy with a couple of students today and I ended up in meetings until late this evening.

Thanks again, Ms. J

katemb wrote 836 days ago

Hist Fict Review

Hi,
I have read and thoroughly enjoyed this up to the end of chapter 5. I'm enjoying the story of Anne and Richard very much. It reminds me of Katherine by Anya Seyton. I think you've got the pace of the story just right.
I had a couple of questions, rather than any suggestions.
Do you need the opening scene? I found the story of Charles climbing up into the castle was a little heavy on back story and didn't feel it added anything to my reading of the story, knowing that Richard and Anne are dead (I mean obviously they are dead now, but in the fictional world of your book they are not!)
How old was Richard I at the opening of the book? I wondered if a little more explanation of Eleanor's marriages would be appropriate and wanted to know what dates the court at Poitiers took place.
And lastly, I have a slight believability issue about Anne's conduct and Eleanor encouraging her to meet Richard. I enjoyed those parts tremendously so it was only a minor worry!
I'll give this lots of stars and keep it on my watch list for now. It's the kind of story I'd happy buy and read.
Best,
Kate

Jack1761 wrote 837 days ago

Hist. Fict. Read -- I hope I'm doing this right ;o)

I have read to chapter 3 so far, and I am greatly enjoying it. The time period is one that I don't know much about, but you do give good descriptions (if anything, I think you could be even more descriptive of the surroundings, fashions etc.) and seem to be comfortable with the period as such. The way the characters speak is perhaps a little too informal on occasion - expressions like "carry on" or when Eleanor says "...the lady in question is perhaps a bit too much for the knight..." (Ch. 3) sound off to me in the context of the time period.

The story itself certainly has the makings of an epic love story! The character of Anne is very likeable and well-drawn, and Richard is also shaping up. Anne's dilemma of facing a marriage of convenience instead of a love match is becoming very clear.

I will definitely keep on reading!

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