Book Jacket


rank 4565
word count 81393
date submitted 07.04.2012
date updated 23.01.2013
genres: Literary Fiction, Historical Fictio...
classification: moderate

Lord of All: The Legend of Richard and Anne

S. Lewis

Prince Richard and Lady Anne fall in love, but there can never be a match between them. Nobles do not marry for love.


Richard’s rival, King Philip of France finds that he, too, has feelings for Anne—but does he love her only because Richard does? As the characters try to navigate their way through conquest and crusade, they find that duty, honor, and chivalry can be harsh mistresses without regard for love. Can they survive the journey with their honor intact?

Lord of All is written in the tradition of a Medieval Romance but palatable to the modern reader. Human qualities of the historical characters in the book are exposed as they struggle through issues of love, sex, marriage, family, and make choices in situations where right or wrong are not clear.

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castles, chivalry, crusades, friendship, historical fiction, knight, legends, medieval, nobility, philip ii, richard i

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Chapter 32


Richard was not welcomed into the city like Philip. Philip and his men lodged inside the city of Messina, but Tancred refused to let Richard and his troops stay in the city, so Richard set up camp outside the city walls. Richard sent his demands to Tancred, but Tancred was reluctant to meet with Richard and put it off as long as possible. Naturally, to placate him, Tancred released Joanna, but not her dowry, nor her husband’s legacy.

Richard gathered with others outside his tent to meet his sister. He had a tent erected next to his to shelter her until other arrangements could be made. Joanna arrived accompanied by a royal escort, stopping her horse in front of Richard. Stepping forward, he helped his sister down from her horse.

Joanna was eight years younger than Richard. Slim with fiery red hair and deep brown eyes, she took after father in temperament. Richards sister and could prove useful. He could marry her to another man, using her to form a treaty or alliance.

Joanna did not smile at her brother. Instead, she frowned to show her displeasure. Richard tried to welcome her.After all these years, it is so good to see you, dear sister.” 

She looked him up and down. It has been so many years, I hardly recognized you. I would not have been able to, if you did not look so much like our father.

“Let me show you to your tent. I do apologize for the accommodations, but I assure you things will be sorted out with Tancred, and you will have a better place to lodge. 

Joanna put out her hand for Richard. Tancred is a louse, Richard. I doubt he will negotiate. He lacks serious intelligence when it comes to diplomacy. She let out a long sigh. Alas, it is good that you are here, though. I feel much better knowing it is you that has come for me. 

I know you have had a rough time, but your fortune will change. 

Oh, Richard, he took everything from me, everything. Do you know that I couldn’t retain even one of my servants?” Joanna pouted.

There are plenty here to serve you, Sister. In fact, he motioned Anne forward, “may I present Lady Anne Baux, Viscountess of Marseilles. She served our mother for years, even spending some time with her when Henry locked her up, and Anne has resided at my court ever since. She is here to be your lady.

Anne gave Joanna a proper curtsey. “Your Highness.

Joanna pulled Richard aside and whispered to him, Where have I heard her name before?

Her father was a very wealthy merchant in Marseilles,” Richard whispered back.

No, that is not it. I… oh, I know. She is your… Richard! You brought your mistress to be my lady? Really Richard, you are more like our father than I would have guessed.

Joanna, she is the best, and as a queen, I thought you would appreciate the best.” Richard scolded her.

Joanna looked down her nose at Anne. Alright. I will give it a try. I am sorry; I am just so upset about this whole situation. I lost my husband, imprisoned, and the usurper is sitting on the throne. It is enough to make anybody feel out of sorts.

“I understand but keep in mind, I am here now. Richard flashed her grin.

They entered Joannas tent and Anne followed.


Joanna kept a low profile, for the time being. She spent most of the day in her tent or Richards, where she tried to advise him on the important players in Tancred’s camp. Anne went about her new duties, sending Gustave to conduct the business affairs in Messina. Joanna treated Anne with dignity, but she lacked the cordiality of her mother and brother.

The tensions in the city existed not just between Richard and Philip. The English did not find a friendly haven at Messina. The local Greek shopkeepers and the Lombardi citizens of Messina did not impress the English crusaders. The feeling was mutual. Shopkeepers inflated their prices whenever an Englishman was seen. Daily arguments broke out in the streets. Richard knew he must seek a resolution with Tancred for the situation to improve at all. It was too late in the season to cross the sea to Acre, so the armies were to winter in Sicily. Something had to be done to make it a livable winter for all.

Richard met with Tancreds representatives at his camp. For hours the negotiations went round and round with nothing accomplished, both sides frustrated and frayed tempers. Then Andrew rushed into Richards tent. I beg your pardon for the interruption Sire, but a riot has broken out between the townspeople and your men.

Oh good hell! Richard jumped out of his seat. Excuse me, gentlemen. I must see to this.


News of the riot reached Anne and Joanna as they sat in Joannas tent. Eventually, they heard noises from the riot, but remained where they were. About three hours after Richard left, a guard admitted Gustave into Joanna’s tent. “Your Highness, Lady Anne.

“What is it, Gustave? Your eyes look positively wild! Anne put down her sewing and rushed to him.

Lady Anne, I just came from the city and thought you would like to hear the news. As you know, I was meeting with the Signor Maurolico. All of a sudden, we heard a disturbance in the street. Seeing a riot, I thought it best that I come straight back here. He wiped his brow with his ever-present handkerchief.

Yes, we heard the noise coming from town, but what is going on? What is happening? Joanna pressed him for further information.

Well, it was most difficult to get out of town. Everywhere was pandemonium. I did see King Richard, though. He rode into the middle of the fray on his horse, and shouted for everyone to remain calm. At first no one seemed to pay him any attention, but the crowd did start to quiet down, yet only for a moment.

Were Andrew and Baldwin with him? Anne interrupted Gustave.

Yes, they were there too.

Never mind Andrew and Baldwin, what did Richard do? Joanna questioned.

The crowd quieted slightly, mainly the king’s troops, but the townspeople, they shouted at the king. They called him an English dog, a pig, a villiain, and a coward. They used all sorts of abusive language towards him. Someone even threw rotten fruit at him.

They didn’t!” Joanna jumped to her feet.

I am afraid they did, My Lady. Gustave furrowed his brow. The king did not stand by for such insults and he called for his armor.

You mean he went in unarmed! Anne sank down in a chair and put her head in her hands.

Yes, but he is armed now.

Anne looked up at Gustave. Just tell me, is he alright or no?

The last time I saw him, he was leading his troops. They burned down the city gate and poured inside.Anne’s face looked pale with worry. Lady Anne, I am sure he will return soon. He tried to comfort her.

“Thank you, Gustave. I appreciate your report. Anne stood back up.

With your permission, Your Majesty, I will take my leave and return to my business.

Joanna gave a curt nod and giving them a polite bow, he left the tent.


Evening came and went, and night fell. The city glowed from the fire at the gate and other small blazes. The sounds of battle could still be heard as far away as the camp. In Joanna’s tent, Anne clumsily performed her duties, driven to distraction with concern for Richard. Joanna sent for Blondel, and he entertained the ladies. As Blondel prepared to play, Joanna seated herself in a large chair filled with cushions. At first, Anne sat down on a smaller chair, but the instant she sat, she returned to her feet. Lady Anne, you are making me anxious,” Joanna spoke through gritted teeth.

I apologize, My Lady. Anne plopped back down in the chair.

Blondel started to play a song that Joanna requested while Anne resisted the urge to fidget. She studied the intricate design in the carpet that lay below her feet, concentrating on the golden hue that surrounded large scarlet flowers. Despite her efforts, her thoughts strayed to Richard, and her stomach ached. When Blondel finished his song, Anne was lost deep in thought. The sound of Joannas applauding brought her around again. She gave Blondel a gracious smile. Lady Anne, he will be alright. He always is. Blondel tried to make Anne feel better.

Outside the sounds of battle swelled, and the distinct sound of a wounded animal met their ears. Anne rushed to the door of the tent. She strained to see more clearly in the distance, but in vain.  All she could see were the rows of tents before her and the bronze gleam on the horizon that met the purple twilight above. Before she even realized it, she was pacing back and forth in front of the tent.

Inside the tent, Joanna turned to Blondel. “Pray tell, is she always like this?

Blondel nodded his head. I am afraid she is always like this when he is at battle, My Lady. She becomes quite agitated.

Then this will be a rather long crusade.” Joanna let out a loud sigh.

Hours later, Joanna lay in bed in her tent, looking at the ceiling and watching the lights of the fires throughout camp dance and form strange shadows. Anne remained outside but finally relented to Blondel and sat in a chair.

After becoming tired of tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position, Joanna sat up and called out for Anne. Anne appeared in the tent door, looking exhausted and pale. Anne, you really must try to relax. You will worry yourself sick and make me go half mad in the process.

Anne opened her mouth to apologize, but Joanna did not let her. I know, I know, you are sorry. Joanna motioned for Anne to sit down.

This is the part I hate the worst. It is the waiting and not knowing. Anne stretched her arms above her head. She looked Joanna in the eye. “I worry not just that he might not return but…” her voice choked, but what if he is hurt or in great pain and here am I, helpless to do anything.

Joanna scrutinized her again. Anne’s concern was about Richards safety and not what would happen to her station, if he were not to return from battle. “Do you really love my brother, or is it the benefits that his attention affords?

“My Lady?” Anne sputtered.

Before Joanna could speak again, a trumpet sounded in the distance, announcing the king’s return. Anne did not hesitate, but was up and out of the tent in a flash.

Outside, men poured into the camp cheering for the king. She could not see Richard; for that matter, she could not see much as the crowd pressed in around her. At last she caught a glimpse of Baldwins blonde hair. She could tell he was next to Richard because she could see the top of his head, with Andrew on the other side of him. All three were on a path toward Richard’s tent, but the crowd pressed in around them, cheering and celebrating. At first she felt relief but then she noticed Andrew’s clenched jaw. Then he shouted something at the people gathered before him. When they got closer, she could hear, Make way! Fetch the surgeon! Make way, I tell you! The king is wounded!




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Seringapatam wrote 488 days ago

The authors of the next three I am reading have not been on the site for a while but I feel that if I am reading them then I should comment on them. This one in particular reads very well and I think may do well. It is so well written and researched too. Nice flow, great characters and brilliant narrative. I enjoyed this and if the author came onto the site and pushed it, I can see it doing well.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Patty Apostolides wrote 623 days ago

Historical Fiction Review:
Chapters 1-6

This is a superbly written story, and so well researched that I felt as if I were there, taking all this in. The characters were very realistic with their hopes, dreams, and fears. The setting felt authentic and the details utilized all my senses.

I really liked Lady Anne, with her sensibilities, her wit, and her virtuous character. I also liked Richard and his growing love for her. He was sensitive to her wishes and caring enough to see that she was well after Raymond's nasty treatment of her.

I have placed it on my WL and look forward to reading the rest of the story.

I have given it a well deserved six stars, and will back soon. It deserves the Editor's Desk, for sure.

The Greek Maiden and the English Lord

HGridley wrote 713 days ago

Chapter One:
The appeal to the senses is very good. I also like the personification of the castle leering down at him and mocking him.
The detail of defending a castle made of butter = classic!
All the details are very well researched, and it’s like I’m actually there.
“the castellan, Roger de Lacy surrendered…” there should be another comma after “Lacy”
What is the meaning of the random Y?
The idea of a king grieving at a grave after a great victory is very intriguing. Great end to the first chapter; I want to keep reading on.
I’ve got lots to do, so I’ll return at another day to read more. Great beginning! You’ve begun on the right foot, and the tone you set is really absorbing. I like it. Often Medieval work is cliché and pat, and here you’ve given it life and color.

Eftborin wrote 752 days ago like medieval as i do. I think it was the wish of every school boy in my school-going days to be either Robin Hood or Richard Coeur de Lion. Of course as i do like that period in world history, detail to actual history are important. I like it and will read may find mine an interesting read.

Shelby Z. wrote 774 days ago

This is a unique book on this site. There aren't many medieval books on here.
I like the way you write.
I think in the first chapter there is a ton of information, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. Good because we know where your coming from, but bad in that it could be too dry for some readers.
Anyways, I think that you develops this well and have a good use of words.
Good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Egon R. Tausch wrote 774 days ago

Hist.Fict. Readers Grp
Dear Ms. J,

I wanted to continue reading your MS, but felt that too much time between chapters would hurt the flow, so I re-read from the start through ch 12. Will read on soon. Your story is moving swimmingly, and you have not compromised your historical setting as so many novels do. We are learning to think as they did. The suspense is building. I am, of course, now backing your book. A few nitpicks:

Ch 11:
----Computer glitch in lines of separation between "Richard and" and "Geoffrey have their lands...".
----"There is too great of risk of you being killed..." Suggest first "of" be changed to "a".

Ch 12:
----"Yes, yes, I am fully aware of that you have told the Queen." Something's wrong with this sentence.
----A few lines later you either need to run two paragraphs in dialogue together, or use a quotation mark before "You realize that once you give yourself to Richard...".
----3 more computer glitches, where your paragraphs are cut in half: "Besides, if I may be so bold...", "I do not pursue a marriage with Richard, nor will I..." and "Now I know that, I cannot release you."
----People probably had at least a version of "pain in the ass", but it can't help but strike readers as modern slang.
----You need a quote mark before "You know I trust them completely." or combine it with the previous paragraph. (Your paragraphs tend to be awfully short, anyway; short paragraphs tend to add a transparently false excitement.)
----"I guess I shall see you in..." "Guess" sounds slangy; suggest "Shall I see you in Poitiers then?"

Keep up the good work.

Egon R. Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

Egon R. Tausch wrote 798 days ago

Hist.Fict.Readers Grp
Dear Ms J,

Have finally finished ch's 6-9 of your MS (I was delayed by trying to get back all my backings which Authonomy arbitrarily dropped). Queen Eleanor is very well portrayed; just as she comes across in history. Your plot is moving along very well. I am glad that you continue the history, and don't let it degenerate into just a modern love story. You have certainly done your research, and your writing style is spot on. I expect to put you on my shelf when I have read a little further. I hope you don't mind nitpicks; the ones below are interspersed with praise.

Ch 6:
"stonewalls" -- -- should be two words.
Typo: " where her favorite" -- -- should be "were"
"When the tapestries...truly home." -- -- One of the best lines on Authonomy; tells us volumes about the tapestries and Eleanor.
Paragraph beginning "Eleanor stopped pacing..." -- -- you go back and forth between Henry's, and it is difficult, since you have never before mentioned Henry II, to tell whether you are talking about father or son. This again occurs in your 3 paragraphs "Ah, but do not forget meet Louis in Paris." You mention "Henry", father or son [?], 5 times, all mixed.
"Richard wonderd why..." -- -- should be "wondered"

Ch 7:
Your part on the chest called "the Reliquary..." is brilliant detail, without detracting from the action.
"Three maybe four hours..." -- -- suggest comma after "Three".
"Henry never, nor would he ever..." -- -- suggest comma after "ever".
Typo: last line in ch -- -- "grateaful" -- -- should be "grateful".

Ch 8:
"I arrest you in the name of the king Henry." -- -- suggest you drop "the", but capitalize "King".
Last line, suggest comma after "Channel".

Ch 9:
Suggest that you indicate to the reader that you have moved back to the narrative started in your Prologue. I, for one, had forgotten that Broase was telling the story.
"Soon enough, believe you me,..." -- -- last phrase is modern slang.
"Richard grumped..." -- -- is there such a word? A cross between "grumbled" and "harrumphed"?
"...sons put together haphazardly" -- -- strikes me as slangy. "Matilda's husband..." -- -- should be combined with previous paragraph. I would be very confused about the family relationships described by Geoffrey if I weren't a historian of the period.
You imply that William the Marshal is not only fickle in his loyalties but promiscuous with women. I've read 2 biographies of William, and there is no evidence of either characteristic.
You drop the death of Rosamond like a bomb, apparently well after the fact.

Ch 10:
"exchequer" means "from the chequered hall" (the English Treasury). Drop the "ex" if you mean a different hall.
"When it came time..." -- -- you again have "exchequer", and "brimed" for "brimmed"; and I doubt a thousand knights could be in attendance in any hall that isn't a major cathedral.
You mention an "empty plate" -- -- Didn't they still use hollowed out loaves ("trenchers") instead of plates?
"Eleanor convinced..." -- -- I would put "had" after "Eleanor".
"No, I apologize." -- -- suggest comma be a period.
Three paragraphs later -- -- you again use "exchequer", again.
Next paragraph -- -- you have the word "stopped" with 3 p's.
"a frantic wrapping" -- -- should be "rapping".
" grab his hand again, but he caught it." -- -- Caught what?
Second time Richard says "God's leg" -- -- suggest you change it (God's wounds?).

Despite all my nitpicks, you are a great story-teller. Will continue reading.

Egon R. Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

Andrew Hughes wrote 817 days ago

(Historical Fiction group)

Hi Ms J,

I read the first three chapters and really enjoyed the story.

It’s a very vivid opening. I’m not sure you need the line: ‘As he closed his eyes to compose himself, he remembered in detail…’ and so on. You can just tell of the siege, the reader will know it’s the back-story. It would avoid you having to keep saying the description of the siege is Charles’s memory. Also, I don’t think Charles would have snickered to himself given the situation.

You describe action very well, like the catapult rocks hitting the walls, or the men spitting out the spray in the drain.

Occasionally you repeat words and phrases close together, which can chime a bit, but that’s easily fixed. I’d also try to use less exclamation points. It would help the speech sound more natural.

I like the portraits of Eleanor and Anne in Ch 1. And the characters and interactions at the banquet are well described. Raymond’s proposal to Richard in the next chapter is perfectly vile. I think it’s often best to use ‘said’ to describe speech, rather than words like ‘chided’ or ‘snapped’.

There’s no need to repeat your short pitch in the longer one. I think you could use the long pitch to give more details of the plot, as it’s quite a big book.

Overall this is a very good piece of historical fiction. Highly starred.

Best of luck with it,
The Morning Drop

jlbwye wrote 818 days ago

Lord of All. A Hist.Fict. read. Your short pitch is succinct, and rouses interest, but you do not need to repeat the concept in the long pitch. Instead, use the words to build up the characters and their emotions, with the broad sweep of your plot, perhaps?

I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert. I tend to notice nits - hope you dont mind?

Ch.1. Prologue. Great choice of words - 'profane stench', compounded by the vomiting later on. This is a striking opening for your book.

Do you want nits?
There are some vague / unnecessary words which spoil the flow of a story: rather, certainly, seemed to (Ch.2) just, rather.

And words repeated too often / too close together can jar on a descerning editor. Charles, breath/ing, rope, grave (Ch.2) Poitiers, court, count/ess.

You reveal some history and back-story through Charles's thoughts. Good technique.
For a moment there, I was thinking Charles had let out the chapel - not his breath - perhaps exhaled?

Yes - I, like Broase, think Charles is being brash and insensitive. Maybe he was lucky to get away with it!
So. A tale within a tale. A well contrived Prologue.

Ch.2. (Auth). You create a bustling, charming scene and introduce the practical Eleanor and the lovable Anne in an easy style.
Although it passes in the real world, such repetitions in dialogue as 'not to worry' are inadvisable on the printed page.
The dialogue between Anne and Millicent flows easily and naturally, while revealing more of their characters and advancing the story.
Promise of an appropriately romantic scene provides a hook to draw the reader on.

Ch.3. Oh - I wish to have more of their first intimations of love, but you have jumped over the episode.
However, you have captured their gaiety well in the repartee between Anne and Richard.
And that is a sudden, unsavoury action on Raymond's part.

Ch.4. A strong, enthralling beginning to this chapter. And enlightening, for I know very little of the time and customs of your period.
'Love is not the issue here, duty and honour are.'
Dont you mean Richard waited on the bench where he had seen Anne reading her letter the first time they met?

This romantic story is developing well in the tradition of historical fiction, between the folds of weightier matters.
I enjoy the light humour of their blossoming love, and the characters are coming alive against a background of heavy tradition.

Lots of stars.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

ceejezoid wrote 820 days ago

Hist Fiction Forum Review:

This is my first official review for the historical fiction forum. I picked yours as you seem to have given a lot more reviews than you have received!!!

Right, so. This is not a period of history I really know anything about. Mention Richard and John to me and the best I can do is Robin Hood! Probably a good thing, for review purposes, as I can be a bit of a control group for readers who don't know the back story.

I'm enjoying the plot. Read chapters 1-5, and Richard and Anne's relationship is shaping up well. She's got a mind of her own, she is sympathetic, she's strong willed. Richard seems a bit knee-weakening and swoony, so all good. Raymond is a great scoundral to set them off! The descriptions of his singing, or rather the listeners' reactions, were highly amusing!

I like the rumours and scandals circulating round court, its really breathing life into your settings and seems to fit with other stories from similar periods I've read, or at least my imagination of the period! The set up of Richard's pre-engagement and Anne's wealth (but presumned inability to inherit straight off, as she is a woman?) promises lots of great conflict.

The prologue is good, but a little info-heavy. I don't think you need so much about the siege, especially if you will be returning to it later. The horrible toilet shaft and the guarding of the grave in the chapel are, however, an intruiging start and a good hook for getting into the story.

Couple of little things:

Chapter one features noses quite prominently! Not sure if you were aware, but you describe at least 4 noses in the one chapter. Doesn't seem to happen again in what I have read.

I think there should be a break between Eleanor's first conversation with Anne and the start of the feast to clarify the time/location shift.

Right at the start of chapter 5 you use sleep twice in about 3 lines - "sleep still clung to their fumbling hands"(love this)..."sleep-ruffled hair"

Thoroughly enjoyable, have some stars!

Egon R. Tausch wrote 823 days ago

Hist. Fict. Forum Review
Dear S. Lewis, Your Prologue and first 4 ch's and half of 5 are outstanding. I am writing as a professional historian. Thank God you haven't fallen for the revisionists who claim that Richard was homosexual, on no real evidence. Your descriptions of chivalric customs of the time are spot-on (especially the "courts of love"). Your writing is formal enough, without being archaic. I do think that the last part of the ch 5 is a bit too modern, and not oblique enough (even kings followed the prevailing rules of seduction). Also, I doubt Anne would have been too worried about pregnancy: Kings and dukes rarely failed to ennoble their illegitimate children, especially if the mother was a rich Lady. Richard was well aware that he was a direct descendant, and owed his claim to the crown to being so, of William the Conqueror -- -- formerly, "Duke William the Bastard". Richard also had such a passionate view, and had the ability, to conquer far more lands, of which much would have gone to any bastards. Finally, his hatred of his brother John was such that he would have named any son, legitimate or not, his heir to the royal throne. The Middle Ages are chock-full of bastards who became earls, dukes, and even kings. And, of course, Richard finally had no heirs, of any sort, except his hated brother. (And he had William the Marshal, the greatest knight in Europe, to protect his child until he was grown.) Marshal with his army loyally and successfully protected 3 successive totally different named heirs to the throne, the last one a child, against all opposing powers. You might at least hint at some of this, in a line or two about bastardy at the time, for verisimilitude. Also, his protestation to that effect, would make the scene more in keeping with his character, and eye on the crown, rather than only sliding into a modern love scene. I'm sure I'll enjoy the rest of your book greatly, when I can get to it. You know your period very, very well, and are a great plot writer. 6 stars. Bookshelf soon.

"He is the sixth in line for the succession...Philip, Juan the cook, the master at arms, the pigs, the horses..." One of the best sentences I have read on Authonomy.

I only list nitpicks for outstanding MS's:

Broase shuts the same door twice in 4 lines.

Ch 1:
"...radiated more than some half her age." -- -- add "women" or "ladies" after "some".
"Like most noble women, Marie's father..." -- -- antecedent doesn't match subject of the sentence.
"She is the heir of the Viscount de Marseilles..." -- -- you have "wealth" and "wealthy" in 3 lines. Change one to "rich"?
"...she tried to stiffle her laughter." -- -- stifle?

Ch 2:
"Later in the week, a joust occurred." -- -- Would suggest a more active verb. "...came the joust."?

Ch 3:
Castile's friend refuses to answer a question which would reveal his principal. Then a bit later he gives Castile away by mentioning his mercenary motive. -- -- might add something like "He blurted, before realizing the consequences." It seems the whole court learned who the parties were due to that indiscretion.

Ch 5:
"...her lady Marguerite who she sent for some wine." -- -- should be "whom".

Great job,
Egon R. Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

P.S. Please read my MS and give me brutally honest comments.

earthlover wrote 829 days ago

Read through chapter 5. I admire the attention to detail and time that comes with writing an historic novel. I especially enjoyed the exchange of the flower on the morning ride. She'd been tearing them apart one at a time, but she didn't tear the petals off that one. Lovely!
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

earthlover wrote 830 days ago

Read the prologue. I love the idea of a soldier crawling through what is basically a sluice pipe, into a church to guard a grave. WOW! The contrast between the sewer and the church, the fact that they had to break the church glass, the battle, the King, wanting to be alone with the grave of his beloved. So far this is an awesome epic story. I've already given it high stars and will read on.

Adeel wrote 831 days ago

A nice, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive and realistic with vivid description and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Ms. J wrote 832 days ago

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read. I sincerely appreciate your comments. I've wondered about the opening scene myself. I do use Father Broase and Charles to help move the plot along as the book covers so many years. I'm still debating what to do with that. I will keep reading yours. Today was just insane and I couldn't get back to it. (Grrrrrrr!)

Ms. J

Ms. J wrote 832 days ago

Thank you so much for taking the time to read. I really appreciate it. I also very much appreciate your comments. I've got your book on my watch list, and I will be reading it tomorrow. I meant to today, but things got crazy with a couple of students today and I ended up in meetings until late this evening.

Thanks again, Ms. J

katemb wrote 833 days ago

Hist Fict Review

I have read and thoroughly enjoyed this up to the end of chapter 5. I'm enjoying the story of Anne and Richard very much. It reminds me of Katherine by Anya Seyton. I think you've got the pace of the story just right.
I had a couple of questions, rather than any suggestions.
Do you need the opening scene? I found the story of Charles climbing up into the castle was a little heavy on back story and didn't feel it added anything to my reading of the story, knowing that Richard and Anne are dead (I mean obviously they are dead now, but in the fictional world of your book they are not!)
How old was Richard I at the opening of the book? I wondered if a little more explanation of Eleanor's marriages would be appropriate and wanted to know what dates the court at Poitiers took place.
And lastly, I have a slight believability issue about Anne's conduct and Eleanor encouraging her to meet Richard. I enjoyed those parts tremendously so it was only a minor worry!
I'll give this lots of stars and keep it on my watch list for now. It's the kind of story I'd happy buy and read.

Jack1761 wrote 833 days ago

Hist. Fict. Read -- I hope I'm doing this right ;o)

I have read to chapter 3 so far, and I am greatly enjoying it. The time period is one that I don't know much about, but you do give good descriptions (if anything, I think you could be even more descriptive of the surroundings, fashions etc.) and seem to be comfortable with the period as such. The way the characters speak is perhaps a little too informal on occasion - expressions like "carry on" or when Eleanor says "...the lady in question is perhaps a bit too much for the knight..." (Ch. 3) sound off to me in the context of the time period.

The story itself certainly has the makings of an epic love story! The character of Anne is very likeable and well-drawn, and Richard is also shaping up. Anne's dilemma of facing a marriage of convenience instead of a love match is becoming very clear.

I will definitely keep on reading!