Book Jacket


rank 4561
word count 81393
date submitted 07.04.2012
date updated 23.01.2013
genres: Literary Fiction, Historical Fictio...
classification: moderate

Lord of All: The Legend of Richard and Anne

S. Lewis

Prince Richard and Lady Anne fall in love, but there can never be a match between them. Nobles do not marry for love.


Richard’s rival, King Philip of France finds that he, too, has feelings for Anne—but does he love her only because Richard does? As the characters try to navigate their way through conquest and crusade, they find that duty, honor, and chivalry can be harsh mistresses without regard for love. Can they survive the journey with their honor intact?

Lord of All is written in the tradition of a Medieval Romance but palatable to the modern reader. Human qualities of the historical characters in the book are exposed as they struggle through issues of love, sex, marriage, family, and make choices in situations where right or wrong are not clear.

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castles, chivalry, crusades, friendship, historical fiction, knight, legends, medieval, nobility, philip ii, richard i

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Chapter 40

The party remained on the beach until nightfall. It finally became too dark to work much longer so the company headed to Limassol where Richard had taken over the palace as his headquarters. Anne was grateful to be assigned a room much larger than her quarters in Mategriffon. Much more open, it was decorated with colorful mosaic tiles.

With Marguerite’s help she cleaned herself, and later Marchadeus examined her. When he finished, Anne went to bed. Sleep did not come as easily as she imagined it would. She tossed and turned, and every time she closed her eyes there was the image of Richard and Berengaria on the horse together, riding off. Sometime toward daybreak, she managed a fitful sleep.

In the morning, Marguerite entered Annes room. I can only guess where you spent the night,” Anne teased her. You probably did not get much sleep either.

Marguerite blushed. No, not much.

Well, I think it is best we get going for the day. I imagine Gustave is chomping at the bit. Anne put her legs over the side of the bed and stretched her sore back.

Marguerite laid out a light blue dress for Anne. You were lucky. Your trunk got very little water in it, Joanna’s on the other hand thoroughly soaked.

That has got her in a sour mood, more than ever, I would wager. Somehow it made Anne feel better.

Anne got to her feet. Her ankle felt better this morning, and she could bear more weight on it. “Try not to overdo it m’lady,” Marguerite warned her.

Marguerite helped her into her gown and Anne sat down at a dressing table. She began to comb her hair when a knock sounded at the door. “Come,” Anne called out.

The door opened and Berengaria entered. Marguerite curtsied and Anne got to her feet as fast as she could, giving the princess an odd sort of curtsey. Good morning, Lady Anne. Berengaria flashed her a smile. Please sit. She motioned to the chair Anne leaned on.

Anne took the seat and Berengaria stood while Marguerite pulled another one over for her. She sat in it and then looked up at Marguerite. You may go now. 

Marguerite gave Anne a puzzled look. Thank you, Marguerite. Please go find Master Gustave, and tell him I will see him here as soon as possible. We have much business to discuss. Marguerite nodded and left the room.

“There now, we can talk freely.” Berengaria smoothed the silk material of her rose colored gown, and light relflected off her jeweled frontlet. I find that ladies in waiting are necessary, but sometimes their ears are too big, as they say. I came to thank you for giving me the ginger.

Oh, you are most welcome. It is a little something my father taught me. He used it many times as he traveled,” Anne explained.

Well, it was a kind gesture. There was an odd silence for a moment then Berengaria continued. I was glad to see that you returned safely from the beach. I inquired of the surgeon about your condition. It sounds as though your ankle is on the mend.

Yes, thank you for your concern, Princess.” Anne wondered why Berengaria was here in her room.

Berengaria sat up taller. Lady Anne, I have come here this morning to seek your advice.

I doubt I can have anything to say which is worthy of advice for you, My Lady. Anne raised her eyebrows.

Yes, you can. I need to ask you about Richard,” Berengaria continued.

Oh, I see. Anne forced a smile.

Berengaria gave her a gracious smile back. I do not want things to be awkward between us. In fact, I have a confession. I had hoped that we might even be friends. Until you gave me the ginger, I though you hated me, but that gesture gave me some hope. After our ordeal on the beach, I feel that life is too precious to waste being enemies with one another.” She wore her best repentant face. Having said that, I know you love Richard and so do I. You can hardly blame me for falling in love with him. As we love him, I know that we both want only for him to be happy. If we are at odds, then it will make things harder for him. Do you not agree?

Anne suspicioned Berengaria plotted something. I understand what you are saying, Your Highness.

Good. Then I came for your advice regarding Richard. What… Loud persistent knocking at the door interrupted Berengaria.

I am so sorry, My Lady. That would be Gustaves knock. He is my secretary, and as we have been apart for so long, I am sure that he is frantic. If you will give me a moment, I will send him away. If I fail to answer the door, he will just knock louder. He is an excellent secretary, but he is also a very importunate man.

Do not be silly. I will return and we can continue our conversation later. I know that you have your hands full with business. Berengaria stood to leave.

Anne rose again. I thank you. It is most generous and considerate of you, Your Highness.

Until later then, Lady Anne. Berengaria left the room smiling.


Because Comnenus no longer controled Cyprus, Anne opened up negotiations for trade with Marseilles. She located an old friend of her fathers, a nobleman of the city named Petane. Petane welcomed her warmly and anxiously resumed trade with Marseilles. To have an ally in Limassol, relieved Anne, somewhat. Petane even went so far as to invite her to lodge with him, but she declined.   

Just when Anne began to wonder if she had escaped a second part to the conversation with Berengaria, she found she was sorely mistaken. When she returned one afternoon from a meeting with Petane, Berengaria waited for her. Come, I want to show you the most enchanting spot I found in the garden. Berengaria did not wait for a reply but took Anne by the arm and steered her away.

Anne could walk better now but still had a limp. Berengaria led her to a bower in the garden where yellow flowered vines formed a little cave and a bench sat underneath the archway. See, I told you. Is this not the perfect place to have a conversation between two friends?

“Your Highness” Anne still felt unsettled by Berengarias sudden move.

Berengaria grinned. “Let us sit here in the herber. I want to ask a question of you.

Both women sat down on the bench. Now Lady Anne, you must realize that this is very hard for me to ask. But there is no one else. I need to know what it is like to become a mother.

A mother? Anne stammered.

Yes. Now, I understand that this question may be a bit awkward for you, but my wedding night is fast approaching, and I am not so nervous about that as I am about bearing an heir for the king. Berengaria gave Anne a grave look. I know you are thinking I should ask someone else, but none of my ladies has ever borne children and Joanna never conceived either.


Is there some sort of special trick that could increase my chances? You know as well as I, that as women, it is our responsibility to bear sons, and I am beginning to feel the pressure of that. You have done it. You were successful. Think how happy a son would make Richard. Please, I beg you as our dear friend, advise me on this matter.

Anne gaped at her in disbelief. I mean no disrespect, but do you not know about how I married and conceived a son?

I just want to know how to bear a son. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.” Berengaria pouted.

Princess, there is nothing I can tell you. I have no advice to offer you. Annes head felt as if she had been walloped with a blacksmiths hammer. She was on her feet before she realized it. Her head smashed into the bushes above, knocking her wimple askew. I… I… I have an urgent meeting to prepare for, Your Highness. I do hope you will forgive me,” Anne mumbled.

As fast as she could, she sped away, imagining Berengaria with a smug look on her face, sitting there triumphant on the bench. Once she rounded the corner and knew she was out of sight, she yanked the wimple from her head, and her hair fell about her shoulders.

Anne decided to head to the stables. All she wanted to do was ride out of there. She did not care where; she just wanted to escape. When she entered the stables, she snapped at the stable boy, Saddle my horse, and be quick about it.

As he scampered off to do her bidding, Anne closed her eyes and tried to inhale in deep breaths. If Berengaria gave Richard a son…it was more than she wanted to think about.

Anne? Richards voice made her jump.

Richard? Anne opened her eyes.

I have been looking for you. Every time I send for you I am told the lady is not here at present,’” Richard complained. I decided I would look for you myself.

And now you have found me. 

Anne, we need to talk. Richard moved closer so he would only have to speak just above whisper.

Anne rolled her eyes. I do not think I can survive another talk today.

Well, then tell me, why have you been avoiding me? Did Joanna or Berengaria say something to you? Richard placed himself in front of her blocking her exit.

While it is no secret that your sister would just as soon see me drawn and quartered, no, she nor anyone else said anything to cause me to avoid you,” Anne huffed.

Richard threw out his hands. Then why?

Anne sighed. Do not take it so personally, Richard. I have my own interests here in Cyprus. Despite your war, I must still keep trade flowing. I do not intend to leave my son a Marseilles that has been neglected while I seek after more selfish pursuits.

My, my, you are full of fire today.” A stable boy walked past them. Richard ushered her to a more remote corner of the stables and continued. Anne, you have always managed Marseilles quite well and never left me out in the cold in the process. Why will you not come when I send for you? I know you are there; you are just being stubborn.

You are getting married, Richard.”

I fail to see how that changes anything. Your marital status certainly has not. He put his hands on the elbows of her still folded arms.

Anne shook her head. No, no! It is not the same! You are the king and she will be the queen. You have certain obligations to meet!” She ducked under his arm.

Richard spoke as she pushed past him, I am getting married tomorrow, Anne. I thought it best I tell you myself.

Anne stopped. Realizing she still had her wimple in her hand. She crumpled it up and tossed it to the ground.

“I see.”

Richard sighed. I did not wish to fight, Anne.

Then do not fight. Anne saw the stable boy with her horse.

She took the reins from him and led her horse to the courtyard. She limped more now from her jaunt to the stable. Richard followed her. “Anne, do not walk away from me. I have not finished.

“Now is not the time,” she snapped at him.

With ease, he caught up with her and put his hand on the horses bit. “When then? You tell me, when is the time?

Anne made an abrupt stop and curtsied. King Guy of Jerusalem stood before them. The dark haired blue-eyed Guy smiled down on them, looking at the two of them. “Guy! It has been a long time,” Richard spluttered.

Guy bowed to Richard. It is good to see you, Your Highness, not only because you are coming to save the Holy Land, but also I am here as your humble servant.

Richard acknowledged him with a nod. You may be my vassal, but you are also a king, so I welcome you here.” He motioned to Anne. This is…

“Anne Baux de Marseilles,” Guy interrupted. I would know her anywhere.

“My Lord. Anne greeted him but did not smile.

The last time I saw you, you were just a little girl. I knew your father and was sorry to hear of his passing. You look so like your mother. I knew her as well. Guy had a crooked smile.

Oh, my… Anne groaned. I am so sorry, My Lords, but… She could not finish her sentence. Instead, she tried to mount her horse.

Here, allow me, Lady Anne. Guy helped her up.

Guy’s hands lingered longer than necessary on her waist, and

Richard swallowed hard to keep himself in control.

“Thank you, Your Highness.” Anne’s expression of gratitude sounded forced.

She said nothing further but rode out of the courtyard and into the city.

Guy watched her as she left. “Come.”  Richard motioned to him. I long to hear all the news from Acre. How is the siege going? Tell me everything. Richard led Guy into the palace.


It did not take long for Anne to make up her mind, and she accepted Petanes invitation to lodge in his house, sending one of his servants with word for her effects to be relocated there. She did not seek Richards permission, nor did she inform him of her choice. She just knew that she could not go back to the palace.

Petane and his wife welcomed her generously. They gave her a large room in their manor house that overlooked the street below. Once Annes things were brought to her room, she sat on the bed staring at her trunk. Marguerite entered. Do you wish for me to unpack for you?

“No, Dear. Just leave everything as it is. We can worry about that in the morning.” Anne’s shoulders slumped.

Marguerite brought a bowl of water to a little table near the nightstand. Marguerite. Anne looked up at her with tear filled eyes. How do you do it? I know you love Andrew, but he is married and you have to share him with another.

Have you seen his wife? Marguerite laughed. “I know he loves me, but he has a duty to perform, and that is enough.”

You do not have to stay with me. If you want to go back and be with him, I will understand. Anne smiled at her.

He still loves you. Marguerite tried to reassure her.

“Thank you,” Anne whispered, “thank you.

What can I get you, mlady?

Nothing. I just want to go to bed. Anne lay down on the top of the bed above the covers.

Anne knew that it would be hard to go to sleep, but she closed her eyes and prayed for the welcome reprieve to come.




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Seringapatam wrote 386 days ago

The authors of the next three I am reading have not been on the site for a while but I feel that if I am reading them then I should comment on them. This one in particular reads very well and I think may do well. It is so well written and researched too. Nice flow, great characters and brilliant narrative. I enjoyed this and if the author came onto the site and pushed it, I can see it doing well.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Patty Apostolides wrote 520 days ago

Historical Fiction Review:
Chapters 1-6

This is a superbly written story, and so well researched that I felt as if I were there, taking all this in. The characters were very realistic with their hopes, dreams, and fears. The setting felt authentic and the details utilized all my senses.

I really liked Lady Anne, with her sensibilities, her wit, and her virtuous character. I also liked Richard and his growing love for her. He was sensitive to her wishes and caring enough to see that she was well after Raymond's nasty treatment of her.

I have placed it on my WL and look forward to reading the rest of the story.

I have given it a well deserved six stars, and will back soon. It deserves the Editor's Desk, for sure.

The Greek Maiden and the English Lord

HGridley wrote 610 days ago

Chapter One:
The appeal to the senses is very good. I also like the personification of the castle leering down at him and mocking him.
The detail of defending a castle made of butter = classic!
All the details are very well researched, and it’s like I’m actually there.
“the castellan, Roger de Lacy surrendered…” there should be another comma after “Lacy”
What is the meaning of the random Y?
The idea of a king grieving at a grave after a great victory is very intriguing. Great end to the first chapter; I want to keep reading on.
I’ve got lots to do, so I’ll return at another day to read more. Great beginning! You’ve begun on the right foot, and the tone you set is really absorbing. I like it. Often Medieval work is cliché and pat, and here you’ve given it life and color.

Eftborin wrote 649 days ago like medieval as i do. I think it was the wish of every school boy in my school-going days to be either Robin Hood or Richard Coeur de Lion. Of course as i do like that period in world history, detail to actual history are important. I like it and will read may find mine an interesting read.

Shelby Z. wrote 672 days ago

This is a unique book on this site. There aren't many medieval books on here.
I like the way you write.
I think in the first chapter there is a ton of information, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. Good because we know where your coming from, but bad in that it could be too dry for some readers.
Anyways, I think that you develops this well and have a good use of words.
Good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Egon R. Tausch wrote 672 days ago

Hist.Fict. Readers Grp
Dear Ms. J,

I wanted to continue reading your MS, but felt that too much time between chapters would hurt the flow, so I re-read from the start through ch 12. Will read on soon. Your story is moving swimmingly, and you have not compromised your historical setting as so many novels do. We are learning to think as they did. The suspense is building. I am, of course, now backing your book. A few nitpicks:

Ch 11:
----Computer glitch in lines of separation between "Richard and" and "Geoffrey have their lands...".
----"There is too great of risk of you being killed..." Suggest first "of" be changed to "a".

Ch 12:
----"Yes, yes, I am fully aware of that you have told the Queen." Something's wrong with this sentence.
----A few lines later you either need to run two paragraphs in dialogue together, or use a quotation mark before "You realize that once you give yourself to Richard...".
----3 more computer glitches, where your paragraphs are cut in half: "Besides, if I may be so bold...", "I do not pursue a marriage with Richard, nor will I..." and "Now I know that, I cannot release you."
----People probably had at least a version of "pain in the ass", but it can't help but strike readers as modern slang.
----You need a quote mark before "You know I trust them completely." or combine it with the previous paragraph. (Your paragraphs tend to be awfully short, anyway; short paragraphs tend to add a transparently false excitement.)
----"I guess I shall see you in..." "Guess" sounds slangy; suggest "Shall I see you in Poitiers then?"

Keep up the good work.

Egon R. Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

Egon R. Tausch wrote 695 days ago

Hist.Fict.Readers Grp
Dear Ms J,

Have finally finished ch's 6-9 of your MS (I was delayed by trying to get back all my backings which Authonomy arbitrarily dropped). Queen Eleanor is very well portrayed; just as she comes across in history. Your plot is moving along very well. I am glad that you continue the history, and don't let it degenerate into just a modern love story. You have certainly done your research, and your writing style is spot on. I expect to put you on my shelf when I have read a little further. I hope you don't mind nitpicks; the ones below are interspersed with praise.

Ch 6:
"stonewalls" -- -- should be two words.
Typo: " where her favorite" -- -- should be "were"
"When the tapestries...truly home." -- -- One of the best lines on Authonomy; tells us volumes about the tapestries and Eleanor.
Paragraph beginning "Eleanor stopped pacing..." -- -- you go back and forth between Henry's, and it is difficult, since you have never before mentioned Henry II, to tell whether you are talking about father or son. This again occurs in your 3 paragraphs "Ah, but do not forget meet Louis in Paris." You mention "Henry", father or son [?], 5 times, all mixed.
"Richard wonderd why..." -- -- should be "wondered"

Ch 7:
Your part on the chest called "the Reliquary..." is brilliant detail, without detracting from the action.
"Three maybe four hours..." -- -- suggest comma after "Three".
"Henry never, nor would he ever..." -- -- suggest comma after "ever".
Typo: last line in ch -- -- "grateaful" -- -- should be "grateful".

Ch 8:
"I arrest you in the name of the king Henry." -- -- suggest you drop "the", but capitalize "King".
Last line, suggest comma after "Channel".

Ch 9:
Suggest that you indicate to the reader that you have moved back to the narrative started in your Prologue. I, for one, had forgotten that Broase was telling the story.
"Soon enough, believe you me,..." -- -- last phrase is modern slang.
"Richard grumped..." -- -- is there such a word? A cross between "grumbled" and "harrumphed"?
"...sons put together haphazardly" -- -- strikes me as slangy. "Matilda's husband..." -- -- should be combined with previous paragraph. I would be very confused about the family relationships described by Geoffrey if I weren't a historian of the period.
You imply that William the Marshal is not only fickle in his loyalties but promiscuous with women. I've read 2 biographies of William, and there is no evidence of either characteristic.
You drop the death of Rosamond like a bomb, apparently well after the fact.

Ch 10:
"exchequer" means "from the chequered hall" (the English Treasury). Drop the "ex" if you mean a different hall.
"When it came time..." -- -- you again have "exchequer", and "brimed" for "brimmed"; and I doubt a thousand knights could be in attendance in any hall that isn't a major cathedral.
You mention an "empty plate" -- -- Didn't they still use hollowed out loaves ("trenchers") instead of plates?
"Eleanor convinced..." -- -- I would put "had" after "Eleanor".
"No, I apologize." -- -- suggest comma be a period.
Three paragraphs later -- -- you again use "exchequer", again.
Next paragraph -- -- you have the word "stopped" with 3 p's.
"a frantic wrapping" -- -- should be "rapping".
" grab his hand again, but he caught it." -- -- Caught what?
Second time Richard says "God's leg" -- -- suggest you change it (God's wounds?).

Despite all my nitpicks, you are a great story-teller. Will continue reading.

Egon R. Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

Andrew Hughes wrote 715 days ago

(Historical Fiction group)

Hi Ms J,

I read the first three chapters and really enjoyed the story.

It’s a very vivid opening. I’m not sure you need the line: ‘As he closed his eyes to compose himself, he remembered in detail…’ and so on. You can just tell of the siege, the reader will know it’s the back-story. It would avoid you having to keep saying the description of the siege is Charles’s memory. Also, I don’t think Charles would have snickered to himself given the situation.

You describe action very well, like the catapult rocks hitting the walls, or the men spitting out the spray in the drain.

Occasionally you repeat words and phrases close together, which can chime a bit, but that’s easily fixed. I’d also try to use less exclamation points. It would help the speech sound more natural.

I like the portraits of Eleanor and Anne in Ch 1. And the characters and interactions at the banquet are well described. Raymond’s proposal to Richard in the next chapter is perfectly vile. I think it’s often best to use ‘said’ to describe speech, rather than words like ‘chided’ or ‘snapped’.

There’s no need to repeat your short pitch in the longer one. I think you could use the long pitch to give more details of the plot, as it’s quite a big book.

Overall this is a very good piece of historical fiction. Highly starred.

Best of luck with it,
The Morning Drop

jlbwye wrote 716 days ago

Lord of All. A Hist.Fict. read. Your short pitch is succinct, and rouses interest, but you do not need to repeat the concept in the long pitch. Instead, use the words to build up the characters and their emotions, with the broad sweep of your plot, perhaps?

I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert. I tend to notice nits - hope you dont mind?

Ch.1. Prologue. Great choice of words - 'profane stench', compounded by the vomiting later on. This is a striking opening for your book.

Do you want nits?
There are some vague / unnecessary words which spoil the flow of a story: rather, certainly, seemed to (Ch.2) just, rather.

And words repeated too often / too close together can jar on a descerning editor. Charles, breath/ing, rope, grave (Ch.2) Poitiers, court, count/ess.

You reveal some history and back-story through Charles's thoughts. Good technique.
For a moment there, I was thinking Charles had let out the chapel - not his breath - perhaps exhaled?

Yes - I, like Broase, think Charles is being brash and insensitive. Maybe he was lucky to get away with it!
So. A tale within a tale. A well contrived Prologue.

Ch.2. (Auth). You create a bustling, charming scene and introduce the practical Eleanor and the lovable Anne in an easy style.
Although it passes in the real world, such repetitions in dialogue as 'not to worry' are inadvisable on the printed page.
The dialogue between Anne and Millicent flows easily and naturally, while revealing more of their characters and advancing the story.
Promise of an appropriately romantic scene provides a hook to draw the reader on.

Ch.3. Oh - I wish to have more of their first intimations of love, but you have jumped over the episode.
However, you have captured their gaiety well in the repartee between Anne and Richard.
And that is a sudden, unsavoury action on Raymond's part.

Ch.4. A strong, enthralling beginning to this chapter. And enlightening, for I know very little of the time and customs of your period.
'Love is not the issue here, duty and honour are.'
Dont you mean Richard waited on the bench where he had seen Anne reading her letter the first time they met?

This romantic story is developing well in the tradition of historical fiction, between the folds of weightier matters.
I enjoy the light humour of their blossoming love, and the characters are coming alive against a background of heavy tradition.

Lots of stars.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

ceejezoid wrote 717 days ago

Hist Fiction Forum Review:

This is my first official review for the historical fiction forum. I picked yours as you seem to have given a lot more reviews than you have received!!!

Right, so. This is not a period of history I really know anything about. Mention Richard and John to me and the best I can do is Robin Hood! Probably a good thing, for review purposes, as I can be a bit of a control group for readers who don't know the back story.

I'm enjoying the plot. Read chapters 1-5, and Richard and Anne's relationship is shaping up well. She's got a mind of her own, she is sympathetic, she's strong willed. Richard seems a bit knee-weakening and swoony, so all good. Raymond is a great scoundral to set them off! The descriptions of his singing, or rather the listeners' reactions, were highly amusing!

I like the rumours and scandals circulating round court, its really breathing life into your settings and seems to fit with other stories from similar periods I've read, or at least my imagination of the period! The set up of Richard's pre-engagement and Anne's wealth (but presumned inability to inherit straight off, as she is a woman?) promises lots of great conflict.

The prologue is good, but a little info-heavy. I don't think you need so much about the siege, especially if you will be returning to it later. The horrible toilet shaft and the guarding of the grave in the chapel are, however, an intruiging start and a good hook for getting into the story.

Couple of little things:

Chapter one features noses quite prominently! Not sure if you were aware, but you describe at least 4 noses in the one chapter. Doesn't seem to happen again in what I have read.

I think there should be a break between Eleanor's first conversation with Anne and the start of the feast to clarify the time/location shift.

Right at the start of chapter 5 you use sleep twice in about 3 lines - "sleep still clung to their fumbling hands"(love this)..."sleep-ruffled hair"

Thoroughly enjoyable, have some stars!

Egon R. Tausch wrote 720 days ago

Hist. Fict. Forum Review
Dear S. Lewis, Your Prologue and first 4 ch's and half of 5 are outstanding. I am writing as a professional historian. Thank God you haven't fallen for the revisionists who claim that Richard was homosexual, on no real evidence. Your descriptions of chivalric customs of the time are spot-on (especially the "courts of love"). Your writing is formal enough, without being archaic. I do think that the last part of the ch 5 is a bit too modern, and not oblique enough (even kings followed the prevailing rules of seduction). Also, I doubt Anne would have been too worried about pregnancy: Kings and dukes rarely failed to ennoble their illegitimate children, especially if the mother was a rich Lady. Richard was well aware that he was a direct descendant, and owed his claim to the crown to being so, of William the Conqueror -- -- formerly, "Duke William the Bastard". Richard also had such a passionate view, and had the ability, to conquer far more lands, of which much would have gone to any bastards. Finally, his hatred of his brother John was such that he would have named any son, legitimate or not, his heir to the royal throne. The Middle Ages are chock-full of bastards who became earls, dukes, and even kings. And, of course, Richard finally had no heirs, of any sort, except his hated brother. (And he had William the Marshal, the greatest knight in Europe, to protect his child until he was grown.) Marshal with his army loyally and successfully protected 3 successive totally different named heirs to the throne, the last one a child, against all opposing powers. You might at least hint at some of this, in a line or two about bastardy at the time, for verisimilitude. Also, his protestation to that effect, would make the scene more in keeping with his character, and eye on the crown, rather than only sliding into a modern love scene. I'm sure I'll enjoy the rest of your book greatly, when I can get to it. You know your period very, very well, and are a great plot writer. 6 stars. Bookshelf soon.

"He is the sixth in line for the succession...Philip, Juan the cook, the master at arms, the pigs, the horses..." One of the best sentences I have read on Authonomy.

I only list nitpicks for outstanding MS's:

Broase shuts the same door twice in 4 lines.

Ch 1:
"...radiated more than some half her age." -- -- add "women" or "ladies" after "some".
"Like most noble women, Marie's father..." -- -- antecedent doesn't match subject of the sentence.
"She is the heir of the Viscount de Marseilles..." -- -- you have "wealth" and "wealthy" in 3 lines. Change one to "rich"?
"...she tried to stiffle her laughter." -- -- stifle?

Ch 2:
"Later in the week, a joust occurred." -- -- Would suggest a more active verb. "...came the joust."?

Ch 3:
Castile's friend refuses to answer a question which would reveal his principal. Then a bit later he gives Castile away by mentioning his mercenary motive. -- -- might add something like "He blurted, before realizing the consequences." It seems the whole court learned who the parties were due to that indiscretion.

Ch 5:
"...her lady Marguerite who she sent for some wine." -- -- should be "whom".

Great job,
Egon R. Tausch
A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

P.S. Please read my MS and give me brutally honest comments.

earthlover wrote 726 days ago

Read through chapter 5. I admire the attention to detail and time that comes with writing an historic novel. I especially enjoyed the exchange of the flower on the morning ride. She'd been tearing them apart one at a time, but she didn't tear the petals off that one. Lovely!
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

earthlover wrote 727 days ago

Read the prologue. I love the idea of a soldier crawling through what is basically a sluice pipe, into a church to guard a grave. WOW! The contrast between the sewer and the church, the fact that they had to break the church glass, the battle, the King, wanting to be alone with the grave of his beloved. So far this is an awesome epic story. I've already given it high stars and will read on.

Adeel wrote 729 days ago

A nice, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive and realistic with vivid description and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Ms. J wrote 729 days ago

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read. I sincerely appreciate your comments. I've wondered about the opening scene myself. I do use Father Broase and Charles to help move the plot along as the book covers so many years. I'm still debating what to do with that. I will keep reading yours. Today was just insane and I couldn't get back to it. (Grrrrrrr!)

Ms. J

Ms. J wrote 729 days ago

Thank you so much for taking the time to read. I really appreciate it. I also very much appreciate your comments. I've got your book on my watch list, and I will be reading it tomorrow. I meant to today, but things got crazy with a couple of students today and I ended up in meetings until late this evening.

Thanks again, Ms. J

katemb wrote 730 days ago

Hist Fict Review

I have read and thoroughly enjoyed this up to the end of chapter 5. I'm enjoying the story of Anne and Richard very much. It reminds me of Katherine by Anya Seyton. I think you've got the pace of the story just right.
I had a couple of questions, rather than any suggestions.
Do you need the opening scene? I found the story of Charles climbing up into the castle was a little heavy on back story and didn't feel it added anything to my reading of the story, knowing that Richard and Anne are dead (I mean obviously they are dead now, but in the fictional world of your book they are not!)
How old was Richard I at the opening of the book? I wondered if a little more explanation of Eleanor's marriages would be appropriate and wanted to know what dates the court at Poitiers took place.
And lastly, I have a slight believability issue about Anne's conduct and Eleanor encouraging her to meet Richard. I enjoyed those parts tremendously so it was only a minor worry!
I'll give this lots of stars and keep it on my watch list for now. It's the kind of story I'd happy buy and read.

Jack1761 wrote 731 days ago

Hist. Fict. Read -- I hope I'm doing this right ;o)

I have read to chapter 3 so far, and I am greatly enjoying it. The time period is one that I don't know much about, but you do give good descriptions (if anything, I think you could be even more descriptive of the surroundings, fashions etc.) and seem to be comfortable with the period as such. The way the characters speak is perhaps a little too informal on occasion - expressions like "carry on" or when Eleanor says "...the lady in question is perhaps a bit too much for the knight..." (Ch. 3) sound off to me in the context of the time period.

The story itself certainly has the makings of an epic love story! The character of Anne is very likeable and well-drawn, and Richard is also shaping up. Anne's dilemma of facing a marriage of convenience instead of a love match is becoming very clear.

I will definitely keep on reading!