Book Jacket

 

rank 5851
word count 49540
date submitted 10.04.2012
date updated 14.04.2012
genres: Fiction, Religious, Comedy
classification: moderate
complete

Who, me? Dead?

Michael Stevenson

Paul is killed in a road accident. In death he discovers the truth about what his children think of him - it isn't pretty.

 

My book is about a man who in life had no care for anyone except himself,but in death found he had four children to cope with, and no idea how to manage them. Luckily he has others on hand to help him, and from them Paul learns he can be a good father - sometimes. His trials and tribulations as he staggers through this second life life are both funny and sad, but think kindly of him because being a parent is not easy - especially when you are dead. I am sure lots of people have wondered, at some time in their lives, whether someone is watching over them. Did you make a decision that changed your life, saved your life - or had one of those feel good moments and you couldn't explain why? It could be Paul or one of his friends helping you out.

 
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tags

, afterlife, parenting, religion, society

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Chapters

9

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Chapter 9

 

After a sleep I decided the next day to check on Sean and see whether I could help him in some way. The prison he was in seemed to be one of those open types and there was a lot of freedom for the inmates. It was a bright summer’s day and to be honest with you most of the prisoners were outside sun bathing and looking to have not a care in the world. There was a sports field for football, a gym and a definite lack of bars around the place – that’s bars as in bars on the windows not the type where they sell beer! Sean was talking with a group of men and the conversation was about one of them who was getting out the following week. He was telling everyone he was going straight and getting a job and marrying some girl. I thought everyone would wish him well but they were more intent on pulling him down.

 

‘Get a job Parky, what you? Don’t take the piss. Who’s gonna give an ex con like you a job. Look at the state of you. Can’t even read proper and as for writing… It’s all bollocks mate, you’ll be back in here in next to no time, you watch.’

 

Parky looked unhappy. ‘I can read and I will get a job, you watch me. And I’m getting me a woman, someone who will keep me away from the likes of you.’

 

‘Leave him alone,’ said Sean, ‘if that’s what he wants to believe let him get on with it. I don’t fancy you meself Parky but there must be some woman out there who’s daft enough, and blind enough, to take you on.’

 

This raised a laugh, but I thought they could all have done with giving him a bit more encouragement. It would be hard enough anyway and Parky didn’t look the strongest of men, either in body or mind.

 

‘What you going to do Sean when you get out then? Have you got anything stashed away? How come nobody comes and sees you, haven’t you got a bird?’

 

‘Or a bloke’ shouted another, ‘Are you gay then Sean or just saving yerself for some good looking bint?’

 

‘Who hasn’t been born yet!’ called another.

 

Sean took it all in good humour. ‘Gay? I can’t understand gays. Can you imagine waking up next to Parky every morning. Bad breath, farting and smelling like God knows what. Not me lads, me I’m into girls in a big way.’ He made a gesture, which left nobody in any doubt as to what he meant and there was another bout of raucous laughter. ‘Mind you I have found out I’m half an orphan.’

 

‘Half an orphan? How do you work that out then Sean?’

 

‘Me Dad died, got run over by a truck, probably pissed but I don’t know it all. Come to that I didn’t know him much either. He buggered off and left me Mum and us kids when I was a young lad. The miserable ol’ git never came to see us and he kept all his money for himself. Me Mam was hard put to keep us going and then she hit the bottle a bit so it got worse.’

 

‘Hands up all those who have a father,’ called one of the others and one hand went up.

 

‘I got one somewhere’ said another, ‘but like Sean I got no idea what he looks like or where he is.’

 

Once they had done the rounds there was only one who actually had a Dad who was at home. The rest had varying degrees of knowledge as to who their father was but they hadn’t played a big part in their lives.

 

‘When my Dad walked out I was gutted,’ said Sean, ‘he didn’t even say goodbye just buggered off and left us. I thought it was me that had caused the problem and me sister thought she had done it. I tell you the two of us were mixed up kids; me Mother didn’t explain it and me Dad never stayed around to let us know what was going on. I know I’m not the only kid whose parents divorced but I tell you man it was the pits. Anyway after that me Mother sort of gave up and hit the bottle a bit. I became a real pain in the arse, wouldn’t tell her were I was going or where I’d been. I wanted some attention and all I got was grief. Me sister wasn’t much better, she and me Mam used to argue like cat and dog and frankly, it was another reason I stayed out; I couldn’t stand them screaming at each other. After that it was a doddle. I nicked a few things from a shop, broke a few windows and, by the time I was fourteen, I had a record and here I am mixing with you lot. Makes me think though, if I get married and have kids I’m gonna hang around no matter what. No kid of mine is going to go through what I did, I’m telling you.’

 

‘Easy to say Sean but the women out there have got it licked. They let you screw them, you buy a house, they have your kids then they tell you to bugger off ‘cos they’ve found someone else. The courts give them custody of your children and that’s it mate you’re on your own. I thought my wife the greatest thing since sliced bread until one day she told me she was pregnant by another fella and before I knew it I was out of me house and lost me kids. The bitch wouldn’t even let me see them and I used to have to sneak about trying to get a word to them here or there. I’m in this rathole because of her, I’d never been in trouble before she walked out and now look at me, criminal record, four years in clink and fuck all to look forward to.’

 

‘Yeah Spud, life’s a bitch, and then you marry one. Come on you lot let’s get sorted it’ll be grub soon and you know what the old Smithy’s like.’ Smithy turned out to be the warden who looked OK to me but then again, I wasn’t the one in prison.

 

I watched Sean as he made his way back and thought about what he had said. I hadn’t appreciated what effect my leaving would have on him or his sister. As far as I was concerned they were kids and they would get over it. Though to be honest, now that I stop and think about it, I don’t believe I gave it any thought at all. I was in love and that was it for me; the pursuit of happiness, but at what cost; my son in a prison and my daughter in dire straits. I always believed there was a lot of good in me and the rest of them had got it wrong. You should have heard me when I’d got a few beers inside me, telling the world how it should run it’s business, telling people how they should run their lives; but now, well now I realised I was just a loud mouth with a peanut sized brain and pint sized ego. It did make me more determined to help Kathleen and Sean and my other two children succeed where I had gone wrong, but thinking it and doing it are often worlds apart.

 

While my mind wandered Sean had finished his meal and was heading back to his cell for the night. I wanted him to know I was there trying to make amends, I tried again to tap him on the shoulder, really thought about it hard but with no success. I decided what I could do with was a rule book, a sort of user manual; do this, then do that and eventually you will get this. I needed some other way of getting through and decided to speak to Liz about it during the next break.

 

Chapters

9

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AudreyB wrote 312 days ago

Hi, Michael – this is your review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

Apologies again for taking so long to read your book.

I like your short pitch—it gives me a good idea what I’m about to read. (I assume.) I think you can cut “My book is about…” from the LP, though. I think you have an unusual and interesting vision for your book, and you need your pitch to get it across to us.

“Joseph laughed again, he had a weird sense of humor – though I’m not sure we saw the funny side of it.” This is correctly punctuated thus: “Joseph laughed again. He had a weird sense of humor—though I’m not sure we saw the funny side of it.”

I like how our MC must reconcile his indifference toward his family. The scene of his wife crying as she identified his body gives us a good idea of how poorly he related to his family. He reveals just enough regret for me to sympathize with him while simultaneously cursing him for his behavior.

Your MS’s thoughts and reactions become vital to the story here in the second chapter. I think I’d have liked to see more of his confusion as he hears about how his children have fared in response to his abdication of fatherhood.

As I finish this second chapter I feel like the first chapter kept me from the real action a bit too long. Perhaps we could see more of your MC as he enters the betting shop? Maybe hear more of his thoughts, witness a conversation with the bookie? He’s a complicated and interesting man, and I think we need to see a bit of his charm and personality so that we continue to like him. Because once we meet his eldest children, we don’t like him much.

Liz’s life story is fascinating. I wonder if it deserves more ink? Rather than telling us her story, allow her to describe it in greater detail.

I am much more engaged in your story at the end of chapter 2 than I was at the end of chapter 1.

I read through about the middle of Chapter 4.

Overall, this is, as I suspected, an interesting and clever story idea. I like the challenge you present to Paul and am sufficiently curious to know how he’ll resolve his many problems. I think you could improve the manuscript by doing more showing than telling. We need to watch some scenes unfold and make our own conclusions about what is happening. Given the theme of your work, that we must do the best we can during our time on earth, it’s even more important that you avoid ‘telling’ because your book will sound like one big lecture.

I encourage you to publicize your book a bit more. Do more reads and get more return comments. This book could easily get higher in the rankings with some good PR.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Antonius Metalogos wrote 372 days ago

I have read the first chapter and have enjoyed it very much. I have decided to back it because it seems to deserve a great deal of attention. I'm looking forward to reading more of this excellently written book. I will rate it then but I'm sure it will be starred very highly.

TDonna wrote 376 days ago

I think what fascinates me about your book is Paul's transformation. There's compassion, there's regret, there's the thirst to make things right, there's concern. You made me chuckel writing "I felt like crying, but I'm not sure if crying is allowed in Middlesome." Your gift to address really deep aspects of life with just the right infusion of humor makes it such a delight to read and yet, you walk away pondering the lessons you've imparted in each chapter. Great writing, Michael! One more chapter to go and I'd like to go through it once more, taking my time, when I return from a trip back West. I gave it six stars and it deserves 10!
Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Olga13 wrote 376 days ago

AFTER LIFE with Liam Nelson and Christina Ricci...That is how I pitch your book.
Although, as i am reading it ...there is lots of humour...dialogues - is well done.
Very well described and written...Formatting not comment.
the book start well and now i am interesting how it will end...
I have scored you 6 because it well deserved... with such great of imagination...
Olga13

Olga13 wrote 383 days ago

done it is on my WL...will et back to you for honest feedabck and scoring... olga13

TDonna wrote 384 days ago

When I thought it would be a very sad chapter, you succeeded to bring chuckles. You have a gift that few of us can claim. The depth of the issues you are addressing is dashed with subtle humor. Although your character realizes the seriousness, he doesn't take himself seriously and yet he yearns to "nudge" in the right direction. I am impressed. This is really a brilliant work with a unique characteristic of getting readers to ponder life's issues while enjoing a great read. Michael, it's a true pleasure to read your book.
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

TDonna wrote 385 days ago

I laughed, too, along with your characters at the end of 11 . . . "why didn't you stick to 3 pints?" This is very interesting, Michael. I am curious to see where you're going with this. So far, the chapters have great endings that maintain curiosity.
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

M.T.H wrote 386 days ago

Just finished reading the first Chapter; very good, nice and pacey, I'll certainly read on.

Elizabeth Buhmann wrote 389 days ago

I can't wait to find out what Paul sees in his window! This is a very good first chapter. I love the distinction between earthly emotions and those felt by the souls in Middlesome. I look forward to reading more. The afterlife is very creatively imagined! Great so far.

Elizabeth Buhmann
The Made-Up Man (http://www.authonomy.com/books/41698/the-made-up-man/)

TDonna wrote 390 days ago

Ch 10 - this story is so well written and so meaningful, serious thoughts without severity, it's great :)
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

TDonna wrote 393 days ago

Really enjoyed reading ch 6. The story development continues to intrigue me and now I am anticipating how you'll go about it. I liked the part where you write, "He reminded me of me when I was a lad. But when I thought about that, I also made my mind up not to let him turn out like me if I could help it."
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Cyrus Hood wrote 394 days ago

Nice concept and a bright, clear style that will appeal to readers of most genres. Could not fault your grammar or spelling and I think the pacey format works well. Just a quick note in my coffee break. I will come back later. well done.

regards

Cyrus - Hellion 2

TDonna wrote 396 days ago

Your approach in writing this story is fascinating, and that is not an exaggeration. Ch 5 was both serious and humorous...can't explain it, but the rock hitting the coffin and the reaction was funny. I don't know if you meant it that way, but this is amazing. At the same time it makes the reader ponder a serious matter, you lift the pressure with an injection of humor. I love it :)
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

panos wrote 397 days ago

Thank you Michael, I enjoyed reading Who, me? Dead?
An easy read that does not use clever sounding words to be sensational.

Wishing you the luck you deserve.

Panos

TDonna wrote 397 days ago

I am impressed. This flows beautifully. Great dialogue. Impeccable editing. It is an absolute joy to read.
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

TDonna wrote 399 days ago

I don't know how you do it! You had me chuckling while you write about the afterlife and serious aspects of life! Your characters' interaction is so smart, it's amazing :) I'm so excited to have discovered your book and can't wait to read on.
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Scott Toney wrote 399 days ago

{Who me? Dead?}

Michael,

What a cool concept and premise! I actually began to read your work without reading the premise and loved the fact that this is set up as a form of purgatory and that here people are made to actually have a relationship with or pay attention to their children! Just the other day I was having a conversation with someone about how it bothers me so much that people don't take time for their children, one of the most amazing things in the world. I really liked that the people were now heads as well. Something else that is great about your work is the way you infuse comedy in to it. You had me smiling the whole time I was reading, especially when I read that the three doors are Heaven, Hell and Recycling! This is a well written, unique and enjoyable book. I've gladly given it six stars and have watchlisted it so that I can return soon for more!

Have a fantastic day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

P.s. Thank you so much for supporting The Ark of Humanity as it heads toward the top 5 and for reading part of my book! I look forward to returning soon!

TDonna wrote 400 days ago

Ch 2 for me was amazing. I found it a great mix of subtle humor and serious thought, from a distant sense in your character's description of the tragic accident to discovering the reactions of those in his life to meeting the other characters similarly positioned. Great introduction of all the characters, too. I really like it! It flows well. It is impeccably written. Will be back tomorrow for more and you've got a well deserved 6 stars from me.
Donna :)
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Officer Fuzzy wrote 400 days ago

Hey, read to chapter four for now.
The Title: A great title. It captures the story in three easy words and it's memorable as well.
The Pitch:
I don't like the "this is my first novel" bit in the hook and in the paragraph, kind of ruins the pitch for me. Maybe take it on at the very end, or put it in your profile. Otherwise, it's not a bad pitch.

I love the feeling of this story, the idea, concept, and the POV it's told from. The characters are interesting, the descriptions are sparse, but in a good way, the narrative isn't bogged down.
I love Joseph. He's a fun character and just little comments show how sort of wise he is. For example on the first page, talking about the way Paul died, "Very traumatic for the poor driver--only a young man."
This just conveys how old, wise, a bit business-orientated, but understanding the character is.

I love the details about having more or less children than one would expect.

Watching Paul's family react to his death was very sad. Sad to see his wife react that way, and sad to see his kids lack of reaction. It really shows what k ind of person he's been. Just their comments. Paul is a well-rounded character, and he has a lot of kids...
I like Liz, and I like how you manage to keep her outdated, but not too outdated.

One thing, and this is might be my own thing, but I don't like all the exclamation marks. They feel cheesy to me when used often and I don't like them.
Hearing about Liz's past was a nice touch as well .

Chapter four gets a bit preachy, especially the bit with the drinking. There's some missing punctuation.
Ok, self flagellation isn't allowed, which is probably why we haven't any arms'
At the start of it it's missing a quotation mark.


This is a good back. Highly starred.
As I continue with it, I'm going to have to figure out which book to knock off my shelf.

TDonna wrote 401 days ago

What a title! How can anyone not read a book with this title? It's great. I couldn't agree more with Pollyanna's comment. Great start, instantly gripping. Distinct writer's voice. Awesome introduction of the character. I liked him within a few lines and now I have to read on.
T.Donna Robison
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Pollyanna Pilsbury wrote 402 days ago

I have never,on this site, read the first few lines and realised immediately, that I would not stop reading until I reached the end.
This is a remarkable, thought provoking, funny and tear jerking story.
Your writing reminded me of 'Paulo Coelho' and another writer who's name (it's gone) the book was called 'Five people you meet after you die'. Something like that.
It's fantastic, I'm a bit lost for the right words. I'm just so glad that you uploaded the complete book.
It has truly made my day and made me think about my grown up children and dead father.
On my shelf now and five stars.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Pollyanna.

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