Book Jacket

 

rank 5845
word count 49540
date submitted 10.04.2012
date updated 14.04.2012
genres: Fiction, Religious, Comedy
classification: moderate
complete

Who, me? Dead?

Michael Stevenson

Paul is killed in a road accident. In death he discovers the truth about what his children think of him - it isn't pretty.

 

My book is about a man who in life had no care for anyone except himself,but in death found he had four children to cope with, and no idea how to manage them. Luckily he has others on hand to help him, and from them Paul learns he can be a good father - sometimes. His trials and tribulations as he staggers through this second life life are both funny and sad, but think kindly of him because being a parent is not easy - especially when you are dead. I am sure lots of people have wondered, at some time in their lives, whether someone is watching over them. Did you make a decision that changed your life, saved your life - or had one of those feel good moments and you couldn't explain why? It could be Paul or one of his friends helping you out.

 
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tags

, afterlife, parenting, religion, society

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Chapters

22

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Chapter 22

 

My rewind showed there were no problems with either of them – as far as I could see. I was eager to find out what was happening in their lives now, but the time difference between England and America was causing me some problems. In the past I had concentrated on Kathleen and Sean. As a consequence I was, more or less, tuned into English time. I realised if I wanted to see Kevin at work, I would have to wait until his daylight hours came along, and that would take a few days. Still it gave me time to look in on Jess and, as far as I could tell, she was doing fine; getting on with her studies, her boyfriend and her Mum. The more I looked at Jess the more relaxed I became. She was in good company and in an area where she was well known. I wasn’t being complacent, but I thought maybe I had grasped the wrong end of the stick. Maybe Joseph had only asked me about my other children to make conversation. Nevertheless I tried with both Jess and Kevin to look the one hour ahead, but there wasn’t anything which caused me concern. By now the time difference was in Kevin’s favour and I decided to stick with him for the present. I realised from the start that he reminded me so much of his mother and I wondered whether that was one of the reasons I stayed away from him. The memory of abandoning her, and him, still didn’t rest comfortably with me.

 

Kevin’s job absolutely baffled me. I had no idea whether he was making money or losing it, and the numbers he used were equally beyond me. He seemed to spend a large amount of the time on the phone, sometimes talking, sometimes shouting, and in front of him was a computer screen where numbers flickered in various colours. What I did realise very early on, was it was exhausting, and stressful, work, and after each day, he and his friends crashed out at a cocktail bar before going off to eat. He didn’t seem to do much home cooking, except with a microwave, but he had embraced the American way of life and was thoroughly enjoying himself. He had all the mod cons in his apartment but it was his phones, both fixed and mobile, which ruled his life. He was forever making and receiving calls, sending and getting texts, and at home had picked up the habit of balancing his phone between his shoulder and neck whilst carrying on a conversation, and doing whatever else was needed. His suits had a special pocket for his mobile phone and often he would wear a wireless earpiece so he wouldn’t actually need to remove it. All in all, a hard working man who was enjoying life, and living it to the full.

 

Whereas, with Kathleen and Sean, I was forever talking to them and touching them, with Kevin I spent most of the time in silence. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to him, it was more the fact I had no idea what to say; until that is one evening when he left his friends at their usual restaurant and headed for the subway and home. His apartment was part of an old refurbished building – I think they are called Brownstones, possibly because of the colour of the brick used – and it was in a reasonable part of the city. He left the subway station and it was less than a 10 minute walk to the apartment - as usual he was having a conversation with someone on his mobile. As the conversation finished neither he, nor I, had any reason to think today’s journey would be any different. To be honest, I wasn’t really paying that much attention until, that was, as he passed an alleyway he was dragged in by two youths wearing hoods, and one of them had a gun. It all happened so quickly it took a moment to register what was going on. One of the youths had him pinned against the wall, the other, with the gun, stood to one side.

 

‘Give us your wallet motherfucker or you’re dead meat.’

 

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The yob with the gun was laughing as his friend ripped out the earpiece from Kevin’s ear. I started to shout, ‘Leave him alone, leave my boy alone’, but no-one heard or reacted.

 

‘OK guys, take it easy, you can have my wallet,’ Kevin was shaking as he spoke, ‘just calm down a bit OK, I won’t give you any trouble.’

 

The one who had taken the earpiece smacked Kevin across the face.

 

‘I didn’t say talk arsehole, I said give me the fucking wallet.’

 

‘Yeah, give him the wallet man or I’m gonna blow your fucking brains out.’ I could tell the one with the gun was spaced out on drugs, he was laughing and waving the gun around, and, as Kevin reached to hand over his wallet, the gun went off.

 

Everything then seemed to happen in slow motion. I saw the bullet leave the barrel of the gun, which was still pointed at Kevin. I watched it progress and my scream followed its trajectory. Just before it hit Kevin I came out of what seemed like a trance and I flicked up his jacket where his mobile phone normally was, hoping he hadn’t moved it. The bullet struck the phone, went through it and hit him somewhere above his waist.

 

‘What the fuck did you do that for?’ The first yob yelled. ‘You could’a killed me man. You gone crazy?’

 

The screech in his voice showed he was as shocked as anyone, but the other yob just kept on laughing. While the two of them were distracted I tried to grab Kevin and was shouting, ‘Run Kevin run, get away Kevin, get away.’ He groaned but didn’t move and I feared for his life. ‘Come on Kevin, please Kevin, you have to get away.’ But it was to no avail.

 

As the first yob kept up his tirade and demanded the gun from the laughing hyena, a passer-by, who must have heard the shot, shouted something. The two yobs looked over, then at Kevin and decided the best thing to do was beat it. They ran off down the alley. The man who had shouted saw Kevin leaning against the wall and ran towards him, asking him if he was alright. As he got to him Kevin groaned and started to fall. The man was unable to keep him upright, and he collapsed with Kevin on the floor. They were both covered in blood, a lot of blood, my son’s blood.

 

The man kept saying, ‘Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus,’ and looking all around. He called for help but no one came. After what seemed like an eternity, he got out his mobile phone and rang the emergency number. It took a while for the operator to calm him down, and all the time my son was bleeding to death. I watched his blood pooling on the floor and I was helpless, there was nothing I could do.

 

The medics came soon after, but not quick enough for me. All I kept saying was, ‘please don’t let him die. Please don’t let my boy die.’ But other than that, I was lost. They attended to Kevin – who was now unconscious - as he lay on the floor, and after a while he was put onto a stretcher. Having stopped the blood flow as best they could, and also hooked him up to some sort of drip, they loaded him into the ambulance. The siren started, and as it pulled away to the hospital I looked at the scene below. The police had arrived and they were busy taking a statement from the man who had saved Kevin. He, by this time, was not only covered in blood, but shaking violently. I thanked him for what he had done, and left them to it. I made a mental note to find out who he was and followed the ambulance to the emergency department.

 

The Trauma Team were magnificent. They must have had a fair amount of experience with gunshot wounds, as none of them were fazed by what they saw. I watched them work in unison to save my Son’s life, calm but quick, cool but efficient. From what I could hear, the bullet had been deflected and slowed down a little when it hit the phone, which was good. But, at the same time, it had blunted the nose slightly as it entered Kevin’s body, and that was bad. As it passed through, it had ruptured his spleen and exited, causing a large hole in his back. The team were rapidly getting blood into him as he was rushed to the operating theatre, and I watched as swab after swab was used to soak up his life’s blood. To me, there was more coming out than there was going in. Just then, my thoughts were interrupted, as I heard Joseph call time on the session.

 

I couldn’t believe it, and looked around to see where he was.

 

‘I’m here Paul. I know what you are going to say, but that is how it is, and that is how it will remain. Be patient, and at the same time look at it from the point of view, you have done all you can for the time being.’

 

I wanted to remonstrate with him, but knew he was right, and, though I wasn’t as composed as usual, I accepted the inevitable.

 

‘Thank you Joseph for what you did. If you hadn’t warned me about my other children I would not have been there, and he would surely have died. I just hope what I have done was enough.’ I said it in as calm a voice as possible, but there was still turmoil in my mind.

 

Joseph’s eyes twitched, as they sometimes did. ‘I don’t recall ever warning you Paul. I merely asked how they were.’ And with that he went off again, leaving me with my thoughts.

  

There was still some time to go before sleep. I stayed on my own, thinking over the events of the day. Joseph was right, I had done all I could do, but I couldn’t get the huge loss of blood out of my mind, nor the sight of Kevin as he lay unconscious. Can anyone survive such trauma? I knew the one thing I didn’t want to do was visit the Farewell Room. A rewarding experience it may be, but Kevin was too young to die, and I hoped and prayed he would survive. As I drifted off to sleep, my last thought was of my son, alone, in hospital - I dearly wanted to tell him I loved him.

 

 

Chapters

22

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AudreyB wrote 316 days ago

Hi, Michael – this is your review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

Apologies again for taking so long to read your book.

I like your short pitch—it gives me a good idea what I’m about to read. (I assume.) I think you can cut “My book is about…” from the LP, though. I think you have an unusual and interesting vision for your book, and you need your pitch to get it across to us.

“Joseph laughed again, he had a weird sense of humor – though I’m not sure we saw the funny side of it.” This is correctly punctuated thus: “Joseph laughed again. He had a weird sense of humor—though I’m not sure we saw the funny side of it.”

I like how our MC must reconcile his indifference toward his family. The scene of his wife crying as she identified his body gives us a good idea of how poorly he related to his family. He reveals just enough regret for me to sympathize with him while simultaneously cursing him for his behavior.

Your MS’s thoughts and reactions become vital to the story here in the second chapter. I think I’d have liked to see more of his confusion as he hears about how his children have fared in response to his abdication of fatherhood.

As I finish this second chapter I feel like the first chapter kept me from the real action a bit too long. Perhaps we could see more of your MC as he enters the betting shop? Maybe hear more of his thoughts, witness a conversation with the bookie? He’s a complicated and interesting man, and I think we need to see a bit of his charm and personality so that we continue to like him. Because once we meet his eldest children, we don’t like him much.

Liz’s life story is fascinating. I wonder if it deserves more ink? Rather than telling us her story, allow her to describe it in greater detail.

I am much more engaged in your story at the end of chapter 2 than I was at the end of chapter 1.

I read through about the middle of Chapter 4.

Overall, this is, as I suspected, an interesting and clever story idea. I like the challenge you present to Paul and am sufficiently curious to know how he’ll resolve his many problems. I think you could improve the manuscript by doing more showing than telling. We need to watch some scenes unfold and make our own conclusions about what is happening. Given the theme of your work, that we must do the best we can during our time on earth, it’s even more important that you avoid ‘telling’ because your book will sound like one big lecture.

I encourage you to publicize your book a bit more. Do more reads and get more return comments. This book could easily get higher in the rankings with some good PR.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Antonius Metalogos wrote 375 days ago

I have read the first chapter and have enjoyed it very much. I have decided to back it because it seems to deserve a great deal of attention. I'm looking forward to reading more of this excellently written book. I will rate it then but I'm sure it will be starred very highly.

TDonna wrote 379 days ago

I think what fascinates me about your book is Paul's transformation. There's compassion, there's regret, there's the thirst to make things right, there's concern. You made me chuckel writing "I felt like crying, but I'm not sure if crying is allowed in Middlesome." Your gift to address really deep aspects of life with just the right infusion of humor makes it such a delight to read and yet, you walk away pondering the lessons you've imparted in each chapter. Great writing, Michael! One more chapter to go and I'd like to go through it once more, taking my time, when I return from a trip back West. I gave it six stars and it deserves 10!
Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Olga13 wrote 379 days ago

AFTER LIFE with Liam Nelson and Christina Ricci...That is how I pitch your book.
Although, as i am reading it ...there is lots of humour...dialogues - is well done.
Very well described and written...Formatting not comment.
the book start well and now i am interesting how it will end...
I have scored you 6 because it well deserved... with such great of imagination...
Olga13

Olga13 wrote 386 days ago

done it is on my WL...will et back to you for honest feedabck and scoring... olga13

TDonna wrote 387 days ago

When I thought it would be a very sad chapter, you succeeded to bring chuckles. You have a gift that few of us can claim. The depth of the issues you are addressing is dashed with subtle humor. Although your character realizes the seriousness, he doesn't take himself seriously and yet he yearns to "nudge" in the right direction. I am impressed. This is really a brilliant work with a unique characteristic of getting readers to ponder life's issues while enjoing a great read. Michael, it's a true pleasure to read your book.
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

TDonna wrote 389 days ago

I laughed, too, along with your characters at the end of 11 . . . "why didn't you stick to 3 pints?" This is very interesting, Michael. I am curious to see where you're going with this. So far, the chapters have great endings that maintain curiosity.
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

M.T.H wrote 389 days ago

Just finished reading the first Chapter; very good, nice and pacey, I'll certainly read on.

Elizabeth Buhmann wrote 392 days ago

I can't wait to find out what Paul sees in his window! This is a very good first chapter. I love the distinction between earthly emotions and those felt by the souls in Middlesome. I look forward to reading more. The afterlife is very creatively imagined! Great so far.

Elizabeth Buhmann
The Made-Up Man (http://www.authonomy.com/books/41698/the-made-up-man/)

TDonna wrote 393 days ago

Ch 10 - this story is so well written and so meaningful, serious thoughts without severity, it's great :)
TDonna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

TDonna wrote 396 days ago

Really enjoyed reading ch 6. The story development continues to intrigue me and now I am anticipating how you'll go about it. I liked the part where you write, "He reminded me of me when I was a lad. But when I thought about that, I also made my mind up not to let him turn out like me if I could help it."
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Cyrus Hood wrote 397 days ago

Nice concept and a bright, clear style that will appeal to readers of most genres. Could not fault your grammar or spelling and I think the pacey format works well. Just a quick note in my coffee break. I will come back later. well done.

regards

Cyrus - Hellion 2

TDonna wrote 400 days ago

Your approach in writing this story is fascinating, and that is not an exaggeration. Ch 5 was both serious and humorous...can't explain it, but the rock hitting the coffin and the reaction was funny. I don't know if you meant it that way, but this is amazing. At the same time it makes the reader ponder a serious matter, you lift the pressure with an injection of humor. I love it :)
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

panos wrote 401 days ago

Thank you Michael, I enjoyed reading Who, me? Dead?
An easy read that does not use clever sounding words to be sensational.

Wishing you the luck you deserve.

Panos

TDonna wrote 401 days ago

I am impressed. This flows beautifully. Great dialogue. Impeccable editing. It is an absolute joy to read.
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

TDonna wrote 402 days ago

I don't know how you do it! You had me chuckling while you write about the afterlife and serious aspects of life! Your characters' interaction is so smart, it's amazing :) I'm so excited to have discovered your book and can't wait to read on.
T.Donna
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Scott Toney wrote 402 days ago

{Who me? Dead?}

Michael,

What a cool concept and premise! I actually began to read your work without reading the premise and loved the fact that this is set up as a form of purgatory and that here people are made to actually have a relationship with or pay attention to their children! Just the other day I was having a conversation with someone about how it bothers me so much that people don't take time for their children, one of the most amazing things in the world. I really liked that the people were now heads as well. Something else that is great about your work is the way you infuse comedy in to it. You had me smiling the whole time I was reading, especially when I read that the three doors are Heaven, Hell and Recycling! This is a well written, unique and enjoyable book. I've gladly given it six stars and have watchlisted it so that I can return soon for more!

Have a fantastic day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

P.s. Thank you so much for supporting The Ark of Humanity as it heads toward the top 5 and for reading part of my book! I look forward to returning soon!

TDonna wrote 403 days ago

Ch 2 for me was amazing. I found it a great mix of subtle humor and serious thought, from a distant sense in your character's description of the tragic accident to discovering the reactions of those in his life to meeting the other characters similarly positioned. Great introduction of all the characters, too. I really like it! It flows well. It is impeccably written. Will be back tomorrow for more and you've got a well deserved 6 stars from me.
Donna :)
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Officer Fuzzy wrote 403 days ago

Hey, read to chapter four for now.
The Title: A great title. It captures the story in three easy words and it's memorable as well.
The Pitch:
I don't like the "this is my first novel" bit in the hook and in the paragraph, kind of ruins the pitch for me. Maybe take it on at the very end, or put it in your profile. Otherwise, it's not a bad pitch.

I love the feeling of this story, the idea, concept, and the POV it's told from. The characters are interesting, the descriptions are sparse, but in a good way, the narrative isn't bogged down.
I love Joseph. He's a fun character and just little comments show how sort of wise he is. For example on the first page, talking about the way Paul died, "Very traumatic for the poor driver--only a young man."
This just conveys how old, wise, a bit business-orientated, but understanding the character is.

I love the details about having more or less children than one would expect.

Watching Paul's family react to his death was very sad. Sad to see his wife react that way, and sad to see his kids lack of reaction. It really shows what k ind of person he's been. Just their comments. Paul is a well-rounded character, and he has a lot of kids...
I like Liz, and I like how you manage to keep her outdated, but not too outdated.

One thing, and this is might be my own thing, but I don't like all the exclamation marks. They feel cheesy to me when used often and I don't like them.
Hearing about Liz's past was a nice touch as well .

Chapter four gets a bit preachy, especially the bit with the drinking. There's some missing punctuation.
Ok, self flagellation isn't allowed, which is probably why we haven't any arms'
At the start of it it's missing a quotation mark.


This is a good back. Highly starred.
As I continue with it, I'm going to have to figure out which book to knock off my shelf.

TDonna wrote 405 days ago

What a title! How can anyone not read a book with this title? It's great. I couldn't agree more with Pollyanna's comment. Great start, instantly gripping. Distinct writer's voice. Awesome introduction of the character. I liked him within a few lines and now I have to read on.
T.Donna Robison
(No Kiss Good-bye)

Pollyanna Pilsbury wrote 405 days ago

I have never,on this site, read the first few lines and realised immediately, that I would not stop reading until I reached the end.
This is a remarkable, thought provoking, funny and tear jerking story.
Your writing reminded me of 'Paulo Coelho' and another writer who's name (it's gone) the book was called 'Five people you meet after you die'. Something like that.
It's fantastic, I'm a bit lost for the right words. I'm just so glad that you uploaded the complete book.
It has truly made my day and made me think about my grown up children and dead father.
On my shelf now and five stars.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Pollyanna.

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