Like Corns on My Toes

I’ve been meaning to check out your book for some time now because I’ve seen it on the shelves of writers I really admire.

Well, I started reading and didn’t lift my head until Mae Lou hid herself from comforting her freshly raped daughter. It’s shocking to think of a mother doing something so awful.

If the brutish rape of a child can be described ‘well,’ then you have done it. I felt Donnie’s fear and hesitancy (I was a white girl in South Carolina in the early sixties, and it wasn’t much better then) as he watched Uncle Marvin and knew he couldn’t help Sheena, and I felt Sheena’s terror as she tried and failed to get away.

I love your descriptions of the devout and decent Henley. His behavior stands in stark contrast to the behavior of Mr. Sorley and Mae Lou and the Preacher.

I’m really impressed at the complexity of the characters you’ve drawn as you share this real-life story. Reverend Donovan, particularly, has tremendous depth.

You! Taking me from the finding of Marvin’s body to Ernest’s childhood! Shame on you, woman. I’m going to keep reading but will close my review now.

This is awesome!!

OK—true confession time. I was reluctant to read your book because the title put me off. It’s just too much about corns and toes—and your book is about life and love and becoming who we are. I beg of you to change the title.

Best wishes to you on Authonomy!!

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Powerful writing! Great dialogue. Pleased to shelf your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Ashara - this is exceptionally good. I would echo every compliment other Authonomites have showered upon you. I've read many novels of the Deep South by James Lee Burke and others and this is right up there. Top level! Six stars.

Camac Johnson
Hemingway Quest

Ashara, I love your voice: nothing preachy about it, it's literature and not " look what happened to poor me!" And the end is just like ends should be: showing that Love always transforms the demons.
It is surely not what happens to us in life that defines us - but how we decide to relate TO it. Your story demonsrated it so beautifully.
Higly starred
Leela Saachi
"When fear comes home to Love"

This is the first book I've read on Authonomy, and phew, what a scorcher! I don't know who to hate more, Anna Mae or that uncle Marvin! And the father is pitiful too...I don't know how Shena forgave him in the end. I'll be recommending this to a few friends, Ashara, this really should be published!

I’ve been meaning to check out your book for some time now because I’ve seen it on the shelves of writers I really admire.

Well, I started reading and didn’t lift my head until Mae Lou hid herself from comforting her freshly raped daughter. It’s shocking to think of a mother doing something so awful.

If the brutish rape of a child can be described ‘well,’ then you have done it. I felt Donnie’s fear and hesitancy (I was a white girl in South Carolina in the early sixties, and it wasn’t much better then) as he watched Uncle Marvin and knew he couldn’t help Sheena, and I felt Sheena’s terror as she tried and failed to get away.

I love your descriptions of the devout and decent Henley. His behavior stands in stark contrast to the behavior of Mr. Sorley and Mae Lou and the Preacher.

I’m really impressed at the complexity of the characters you’ve drawn as you share this real-life story. Reverend Donovan, particularly, has tremendous depth.

You! Taking me from the finding of Marvin’s body to Ernest’s childhood! Shame on you, woman. I’m going to keep reading but will close my review now.

This is awesome!!

OK—true confession time. I was reluctant to read your book because the title put me off. It’s just too much about corns and toes—and your book is about life and love and becoming who we are. I beg of you to change the title.

Best wishes to you on Authonomy!!

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Dear Ashara,

I just stopped by for your first two chapters and found myself instantly feeling the heart and soul in this piece. Your superb voice carries this along so smoothly. The deeper theme of spiritual abuse is such a necessary, important topic, and you have brought to light the pain so many endure. I applaud you for your honesty, bravery, and your willingness to share such a story. Giving you lots of stars and wishing you every well-deserved success.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

Ashara,
My heart goes out to Sheena, and i applaud you for having the courage to put it all on paper. Our stories are similar, however different. God bless.
Highest stars.
Maria

It took me a few days to finish your book, but now that I'm done...WOW. It has a "GOD Dont Like Ugly" quality. Extremely well written. Im not sure if I would have forgiven Donnie so easily. I still have forgivness issues (working on it). One thing yo made clear in your wonderful book, the past and what happened to us, can not define us if we have the capacity to exersice real forgivness. On my watchlist

It took me a few days to finish your book, but now that I'm done...WOW. It has a "GOD Dont Like Ugly" quality. Extremely well written. Im not sure if I would have forgiven Donnie so easily. I still have forgivness issues (working on it). One thing yo made clear in your wonderful book, the past and what happened to us, can not define us if we have the capacity to exersice real forgivness. On my watchlist

Hello Ashara:

This is a heart-wrenching story. How tragic when people distort the grace of God into license; the harm that people have done by living this hypocrisy is incalculable and has produced thousands of casualties.

Blessings.

James

Captivating from the very first sentence, Like Corns on My Toes is a gritty tale of generational incest and betrayal. Believable, yet flawed, characters, authentic dialogue, and powerful descriptions are expertly employed to narrate this novel's gripping storyline. The plight of the MC, Sheena, instantly elicits the reader's sympathy and support, while the antagonists, Uncle Marvin and Mae Lou, stirs up anger and disgust. Although the author skillfully uncovers concealed church sins and tackles many cultural myths, in doing so, she never distracts from the book's riveting plot. Gladly backed.

fascinating book: perfect style, pace and flow. everything works well.
BACKED.
READ ''SEASONS''.

Like Corn on my toes:
intro 1:
Oh, what a horrific birthing scene. First off, I'd like to thank you for the realism, and for the fabulously effective birth control ;-) won't be doing that anytime soon!
Truly though, a wonderful opener. Really well-written. 
Heavy spherical drops - well, my issue with this is that drops of sweat aren't technically spherical. 
Rivers of tears rage down her face, ... This sentence I stumbled on a bit. Might be worthwhile to try breaking it, as it gets a bit long.
Donnie wonders if the things... Again, a bit long.
Overall, this chapter is beautifully brutal. Painful, tragic, and unexpected appearances make this incredible literary fiction (you don't often read soldier-books, I don't often read lit. fic! But you've pulled me in.)
Intro 2:
Horrifically creepy uncle Marvin. The setting is tense and the dialogue is impressive for contrasting unflinching crudeness and tense restraint. Really well done. 
"twelve or so odd years" - probably just twelve or so years, or twelve odd years (saying both or so and odd is repetitive)
What a horribly manipulative May Lou. Fantastic characterization here so far.

It begins:
it would follow her destroying everything she touched... Probably should have a comma after destroying.
boldly walked into her life taking up residence ... Comma after life, I think too.
Oh wow... Great greying of May Lou's character. generally horrible, but you show signs of regret and real feeling. So well done.
Shena is painted as astoundingly lovely. I'm so intrigued by her appearance, and drawn in by the horrible reactions to it. She is beautifully described, both in aesthetic and character, and I am blown away by your fantastic portrayal. 

Overall, the writing is incredibly powerful. I found I tripped over a few Sentences that felt a little long, but otherwise, it's just really great. So well done, and six stars. 
I'll keep this one on my WL.
Ellie

Ashara I want to thank you for making the ease with which children can be hurt and abused obvious in your novel. It broke my heart to read about the young woman's plight and know that children are hurt like that. God has blessed you with the ability to make characters real, write with strong dialog and story telling skills. God bless!!

Ashara,

Like Corns On My Toes is really something special. The solitary, secret pain of an “innocent” raises such strong emotions that they border on outrage. If it wasn’t for the fact that Shena is so brave and beautiful the reader would have a hard time coming to grips with this. It is the strength of the slight girl-child that compels the reader to walk through the whole terrible injustice with her.

This is written with such depth and insight. Shena’s story will touch even the most insensitive heart. Words and thoughts flow like a beautiful ballad or ode. I was struck by the gripping imagery and fiery emotion your prose could drum up within me. All for the sake of hiding her sin, Mae Lou cowers in the bathroom while her baby suffers all alone. One can see, smell, even taste the sting and shame of the whole horrible situation.

Ashara, I can tell you have written a winner! Six stars and a promised backing.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Great pitch! I like your poetic way of writing.
You were able to tug at my heart strings right away with Shena's suffering and Donnie's guilt.

High stars, and I'm going to put this on my watchlist.

Best wishes,
Morgan H

Ashara, this extraordinarily powerful manuscript evokes so many different emotions in the reader, it's difficult to know where to start. It is positively brimming with writing of the most intense kind of poetic beauty, all powered by a tragic tale of epic proportions. The result is a disturbing and gripping book that demands to be read. I truly hope that you receive the wide readership and support your passionate and enlightening work deserves. Six stars.

I did not notice a couple of typos you way want to correct. In 'Intro - Devastation' the 'a' is missing in 'distance' in the sentence 'A thin, reed-like teen in the distnce'. And unless you're aiming for a colloquial expression, there is no 'e' in lightning - this happens twice in both 'Intro' and 'It begins' chapters. Also, you may want to reflect on whether or not you need every adjective - sometimes less is more. For example, in 'Betrayal' you say 'the anxiously frightened child' - I think it would be stronger to simply say 'the frightened child', and in 'like an undesired carcass', I think 'like a carcass' would have more impact. But these are very minor quibbles.

This is, in my humble opinion, one of the best books on Authonomy.

David
MASTER ACT: a memoir

What an opening chaper. Totally gripping and horrifying.

Your writing is beautiful, honest and powerful.

This is an extremely well-written story and deserves to do extremely well.

I wish you all the best with it and give it six well-deserved stars.

Debbie
Speedy McCready

This is the first book I've read on Authonomy, and phew, what a scorcher! I don't know who to hate more, Anna Mae or that uncle Marvin! And the father is pitiful too...I don't know how Shena forgave him in the end. I'll be recommending this to a few friends, Ashara, this really should be published!

Ashara, I love your voice: nothing preachy about it, it's literature and not " look what happened to poor me!" And the end is just like ends should be: showing that Love always transforms the demons.
It is surely not what happens to us in life that defines us - but how we decide to relate TO it. Your story demonsrated it so beautifully.
Higly starred
Leela Saachi
"When fear comes home to Love"

Ashara - this is exceptionally good. I would echo every compliment other Authonomites have showered upon you. I've read many novels of the Deep South by James Lee Burke and others and this is right up there. Top level! Six stars.

Camac Johnson
Hemingway Quest

Powerful writing! Great dialogue. Pleased to shelf your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

Uncle Marvin reminds me of my cousin Vinnie. We made him a nice suit outta cement.

Tony: OMG!!! Wow! I don't even know what to say. But you have to read the book to see how Uncle Mavin dies. Let's just say: he lived like sewage, he died like sewage!!!

Ashara - Like Corns on My Toes

Really an extraordinary piece of writing. You take us to a very dark place and talk about some hard topics very bravely. Like so much great dramatic writing, you bravely tackle a place of terrible personal pain and share it with the world.
Thanks,
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Uncle Marvin reminds me of my cousin Vinnie. We made him a nice suit outta cement.

Excellent writing! This story captivates you from beginning to end. I love the fact that it is set in the church --we hate to discuss politics and religion and this book causes us to not just talk about it but to take a closer look at some things we may have been ignoring in the Christian community. The fact that the character remains angry as an adults show's you the magnitude of the hurt she suffered as a child. It’s typical of anger we see in adults that we quickly dismiss. The adult goes through a lifetime of not discussing the secret and so we never really know the root of the anger. Our natural inclination is to stay away from the person when they really need is a friend. I am amazed at the writer’s ability to grasp the emotions of the characters…because you could feel the pain and the hurt in the characters. This is a story that will make a difference, maybe even change a life. Hail to the author for adhering to the voice of God and staying on a course that will set the captives free.

Excellent writing! This story captivates you from beginning to end. I love the fact that it is set in the church --we hate to discuss politics and religion and this book causes us to not just talk about it but to take a closer look at some things we may have been ignoring in the Christian community. The fact that the character remains angry as an adults show's you the magnitude of the hurt she suffered as a child. It’s typical of anger we see in adults that we quickly dismiss. The adult goes through a lifetime of not discussing the secret and so we never really know the root of the anger. Our natural inclination is to stay away from the person when they really need is a friend. I am amazed at the writer’s ability to grasp the emotions of the characters…because you could feel the pain and the hurt in the characters. This is a story that will make a difference, maybe even change a life. Hail to the author for adhering to the voice of God and staying on a course that will set the captives free.

Interesting. The events are certainly horrifying and gripping. And the writing is very polished. After eight chapters, I had a few reservations though.

You handle the omnipotent point of view extremely well. I had to get used to the head hopping though in the beginning chapters. Also your narrator is rather prominent which is ok. That is your writing style but as the chapters wore on, I began to find the narrator more and more overbearing.

You often say explicitly what is implied in the scene, like you don't trust the reader to get it. For example, when you mention that Mae Lou is so lacking in maternal affection that she doesn't notice Shena's tears. That was rather melodramatic and obvious. The first few chapters, it is already clear that Mae Lou is lacking in maternal affection. The narrator mentioning it, smacks to me a desperate attempt to wrest more emotion from the reader. Believe me, child abuse under a mother's watch is plenty to get the reader emotionally involved. That is just one example. The narrator also constantly mention Mae Lou's charms to point of annoyance (for my taste) I think sometimes, you just need to let the story breathe a little and let the reader make their own mind on what is going.

Your twelve year old kids don't sound like twelve year old but rather like mouthpieces of the narrator manipulating the story. Shena and Donnie don't sound like kids at all. I thought perhaps this was because it was 1940's and so children were a bit more mature then. I don't know. I'm more inclined to say that they don't sound believable. For example, Shena looks in the sky and deduces it is 2 pm. I thought that was rather unbelievable for a kid even if she is supposed to be an 'old soul'.

Those are some of my reservations. I still found your story well-written and emotionally moving and gripping. Thanks for sharing.

This is some of the best writing I've come across on Authonomy - some of the most powerful and disturbing too. I don't know what it is - maybe the immediacy of the first person narrative (I wasn't sure about that at first, but it works!) or maybe it is gut-wrenching subject matter (not just under-age rape, but by a church minister and with the mother's consent!) but I was hooked at the first paragraph and only reluctantly detached myself at the end of chapter 5. If you tidy this up just a wee bit - suggestions below - this could do very well with the agents. It has that 'filmic' quality that they love so much. Six stars from me, and I'll be finding a shelf for it shortly.

Joe Kovacs
Ginger the Buddha Cat

The writing is so intense and the subject so distressing, I found it really hard to read much more than the fourth chapter. I went forward to the last and was quite surprised to see such a short ending. I still feel tight in my heart from what I read, so your writing (description, dialogue, characterisation) is very strong, memorable.
I wish you well in your endeavours.
Bridget
The Road from Makhonjwa

Hi, Ashara, here are some comments on the intro, “Devastation.”

Paragraph one, “Rain drops” should be one word (I think). You use it again near the end of the chapter.

“stabbing shooting pains.” I’d get rid of either stabbing or shooting. It is somewhat excessive.

“Huge heavy spherical drops…” Again, I’d get rid of “huge”. The heavy part sort of indicates large bulbs of sweat, so, if anything, saying “huge” kind of weakens the sentence.

“Using deliberate measured motions the girl…” Comma after ‘motions’. I’d also separate that paragraph into two. Maybe, “A final breath…” could begin the next paragraph. Find other spots to break that large paragraph up, as well. For instance, maybe, “A trembling hand,” could start a paragraph. “A low hum” could start another. “Her fingers graze” or “Through dry tears” could start another.

Like scargirl wrote, I’m mostly speechless. It’s such a heavy topic that I do not really have anything else to contribute. It’s surely a heavy, emotionally-charged way to begin a story.

All the best,

Shaun Holt
Waiting for the Rain / German Derelict / ... I forget what else.

A sad story so far from what i read. From the start it had me wondering what was wrong with her. You done a good job writing this. The way you write is just perfect to tell this story. As for mistakes, i don't think i spotted any. it flows well and you go into just enough depth when needed.
Highly rated

Ashara,
this is phenomenal. It reminded me of Alice Walker's 'The Colour Purple' and not just because of the subject matter, but because the writing is very strong and clear.
I love how you vary the beat of the chapters and how the pace of your words built with the contractions as she delivered the stillborn baby. I have had friends go through this awful experience and I can think of nothing worse. It is an intensely dramatic way to begin.
I love the dialogue and the characters, so well yet concisely drawn. There are mysteries too, not everything is explained and that gives the story an intriguing quality that makes you want to read on.
6 stars from me and a backing when I have space.
Sharda.

I have read four chapters of your incredible work. You evoked many emotions within me: deep sadness and plain horror at what Shena is going through, disgust and disbelief at the mothers callousness and selfish nature, anger at the father for falling for his wife's ploys and not following up when he clearly knows something is amiss and fury at the evil monster, who calls himself uncle.
You definitely manged to drop the reader right into the story. Your characters are well developed and your writing is flawless. highly stared and backed by me. I will read more as soon as I have fulfilled all my other promises.
Great book.
Elke
'Ella In Between'

wow. speechless. this has so much truth running through it. and i am sorry for all those who experience this. i think there are many. i fear too many people associate God with or through people like this. wrongly, but understandably. great title. well told.
j
what every woman should know

Wow, Ashara, simply, wow. What a story. Poor, poor Shena! You have created an incredibly vivid, richly descriptive, harrowing tale here and it is superbly written. Your descriptions and narrative voice have an almost poetic quality to them. I can truly say, without a shadow of a doubt, that this book will be published one day.

Your characters and dilaogue are fantastically real and believable and you have a knack of sucking the reader right in. Mae Lou sickened me more than the monster Marvin for allowing such a vile thing to happen to her own daughter. I'll definitely have to read the rest of this and just hope that there is a happy ending for the poor girl Shena.

Brilliantly written, highly starred and on my shelf. Very well done with this and I wish you all the best with it.

Ashara,
You've put together a powerful piece of work about how a girl goes through incredible hurdles to finally find the love she's been fleeing all her life, My heart certainly went out to Shena disposing of her stillborn child while Donnie watched in horror. Such tragedy to begin with, indicating a long uphill climb. You have a knack for detail, as a weaver creating patterns in her work, and the bits of phrasing in short sentences coalesce into something beautiful when seen as a whole. Thank you so much for the captivating read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Hello, Ellen Michelle:

I genuinely appreciate your taking the time to read my wbook, Like Corns on My Toes. It says volumes when what one has on the table is not exactly what their guest would generally choose, and yet, the guest experiences some enjoyment form the offering. That IS high praise. Thank you.

Ashara, I am very moved by the beauty of your writing and the tragedy of your story. I have just completed the first four chapters and still have some way to go, but can already say I will be backing this very soon. Six stars, and I hope to make a more considered comment when I've read more.
David
MASTER ACT: a memoir

Hey,
I've just read part of your book, not my type of think but i read it and enjoyed it :)

Ashara, this is quite a story! You certainly know how to get the drama and the tension up to a perfect pitch from the very start. Shena has totally won my sympathy, and so has her father. Mae Lou and Marvin -- oh my. You have done an amazing job with this. I'll give it high stars, put it on my WL, continue reading and soon back. Great work.

Elizabeth Buhmann
The Made-Up Man

I have been dipping in and out of this all day it is a mesmerising piece. You are a very good storyteller and your writers voice is stong and what a dramatic start to the book. I love the grafic pictures you paint. The guessing games of undestaded words with overstated deeds.
I havent read anything quite like it in a long time. I am impressed and I feel honored to be the second person to read it. I will most definatly leave it on my shelf if this does not reach the editors desk I'll eat my keyboard.
I will be back to read more

Sue
Knowing Liam Riley & One Foot in the Jungle

Dear Ashara

I have sat here and read your intro and five chapters of "Like Corns On My Toes". This is the kind of story that stays with me, long after I have left the reading behind. Your narrative is clear as cold water, sparkling and moving beautifully: sometimes measured, sometimes quicker, but always engrossing. Your use of language is competent, varied and convincing. Your characters are depicted with such searing accuracy that I find myself often at a loss for words.

What a story you have given us here. What depth in your observation of their dynamic, their deceits and pain. But my goodness, what a life for Shena. She is the victim, the abused, the lonely and the sorrowful all in one. The epitome of the suffering outcast. In a church family. Nice touch.

This is a story that should be read by everyone. And I hope it will be.

All the very best to you, always.

Fran Macilvey xx :-)