Book Jacket

 

rank 5846
word count 27262
date submitted 18.04.2012
date updated 22.07.2012
genres: Fiction, Chick Lit, Romance
classification: universal
incomplete

Welcome to Weatheroaks

Terry Camm

Chasing life instead of being chased by it, finding friendship in unlikely places and keeping faith when bad luck turns to good... and back again.

 

When twenty-four year old Neeve Adams realises her life couldn’t be any more different from the one she had imagined for herself, she does what any other, self-respecting girl would do. She packs up her bags and finds a new one, leaving behind her job, family and the only life she has ever known. With her sights set on the small town of Weatheroaks, Massachusetts, Neeve begins on her mission to bring meaning to her life for the first time and finding ways to inject a much needed dose of true happiness into her world. But when Neeve's brand new life turns out to be as just as lonely and empty a place as her old one, with frequent trips and falls along the way, she has no choice but to pick herself up, dust off her jeans and make it work.

 
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tags

chick lit, coming of age, emotional journey, friendship, leaving home, life, personal journey, romance

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Chapters

7

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Chapter Seven

My thoughts were interrupted by the drilling noise coming from my phone made as it vibrated its way off the kitchen counter and onto the floor. Lauren’s office number flashed on the caller ID. What does she want? Maybe she wants me to come in today. I really want a break. If I ignore her, maybe she’ll give up and leave me alone. I waited patiently for the vibrating to stop. The phone continued to vibrate in my hand, I flipped it open. ‘Hello?’

‘Hello Neeve, its Lauren. I'm just calling to let you know that you'll be needed in the office today’

‘You said I could have the day off. Isn’t there someone else who could take my place? I’ve already made plans.’ I had plans; they included wearing pyjamas all day long, eating directly out of the tub of Ben & Jerry’s finest and watching back to back episodes of Friends.

‘No, only you can do this, you need to be in the office by 3pm.’

Lauren sounded colder on the phone than she was in person. ‘I'll be there, I just don't—’ There was a silence at the other end, she hung up.

 

When I got to my desk, there was a girl already in my seat, a girl I didn't recognise, weird.

‘Can I help you with something?’ She asked.

Before I had time to answer, Lauren poked her head around the corner.

‘You’re here, good. Come with me.’

I bit my tongue and followed her into the meeting room at the end of a brightly lit corridor we used for important meetings. Two men sat at the table, grim looks on their faces. Their meeting must be running late.

‘Good afternoon,’ I said. ‘Do you want me to serve coffee now or wait till your guests arrive?’ I asked.

The trolley that was usually filled with drinks and snacks was nowhere to be seen. I stood, rooted in place. What was I missing?

‘Actually, Miss Adams, it's you that we're waiting for.’ The first man said.

The second man cleared his throat and pointed to the chair in front of him ‘Please take a seat.’

I sat down, searching Lauren’s face for answers.

‘You can go now Miss Seymour.’

Lauren slipped out of the room without a sound. What’s going on?

‘Let’s get started, shall we? My name is Alec Greenberg, I'm head of personnel and this is Larry Crane, he's with us today to make sure this meeting runs smoothly, a mediator if you will.’

‘I don’t understand why I’m here’ I mumbled. I had an eerie feeling I was in trouble. I racked my brains for anything that I could’ve done wrong, but I came up with nothing.

‘I think you know why you're here, attempted theft Miss Adams. It has been brought to our attention that attempted to steal a sum of money from one of our accounts.’

‘What! Are you kidding!? I’ve never stolen anything in my entire life!’

‘We have here a document, the highlighted sections show the process actioned for money to be moved from one of our business accounts, on the next page you find a screen print from our payroll system showing the exact same amount to be added to your next pay check. The time stamps at the bottom of those pages show the two actions were made within minutes of each other.

The payroll department reported this to us to investigate, once they confirmed that no one in the department authorized the transaction.’

‘But…. I don’t know what to say…. I don’t have access to those programs, and even if I did I’d never do what you are accusing me of! Especially for $83, who would steal $83?’

‘We have a screen print of all of the users that were logged on to the payroll and banking systems.’

I couldn’t think of one single word to say, my mind was drawing a blank. What’s going on? How could I make them believe me?

Mr Greenberg spread out the paperwork in front of me revealing his proof. ‘If you look closely you’ll see the login details that were allocated to you were the ones used to make that particular transaction?’

‘I swear to god, I didn't do this and if I noticed my pay check was different, I would've questioned it but I haven't even seen it yet! And I more importantly, I haven't even got any login details; I’ve been making coffee and stuffing envelopes for three/four weeks!’  I screeched. Why was this happening to me? How was it happening?

Mr Crane scribbled furiously in his notebook every time I spoke, I desperately wanted to see what he was writing.

‘I thought you might say that Miss Adams. Even though this evidence is more than enough to prove you guilty, we also have a witness.’

‘A witness to what?! Me spending hours fetching lunch for people or carrying trays of coffee around the office?’

I was so mad I wanted to scream. I sat rigid in my chair clenching my fists into tight balls.

‘We have a witness statement placing you at a computer while the bank account was accessed’

‘What? How many times do I have to tell you, I don’t have login details!  I don't understand. I never did that.’ Slowly pieces began to fall into place, one by one, until they formed a big clear picture. Lauren. ‘The only time I’ve been near a computer was when I was going to close down Lauren’s computer, on my first day....’ I spoke slowly. ‘There were accounts open on the screen. That was the only time I’ve been near a computer.’

‘If that was the date noted on the documents you have in front of you.’

‘But that's all I was going to do, but I didn’t even touch a single key before Lauren came into the room. I wouldn't ever do anything like what you’re suggesting, please believe me!’

Mr Greenberg said nothing.

‘Is Lauren your witness? Because she hates me! She’s not reliable; she’s probably not even honest about her dress size!’

‘Miss Adams, please calm down. We all need to remain professional if we’re going to wrap this up by the end of the day.’

‘What is that supposed to mean? Am I being fired?’

Both men looked at me sternly, ignoring my question.

‘I also understand that you are new to the company and are experiencing financial difficulties…’

‘Who told you that?! Did Lauren tell you that in her statement too? Because the only difficulty I have is working with her every day!’

‘That’s not important. Miss Adams, please, I understand your situation. I have a brother that was in a similar situation, however I cannot condone what you've done nor shall it go without punishment. We have discussed the matter at great lengths with Mr Crawford and Mr Chase and they have agreed not to press charges on this one occasion.’

Mr Greenwald stared at me as though waiting for a reaction. I had none.

‘How can I be charged with something that I didn’t do?’

He held up his hands to silence me.

‘This is purely because the legal fees are not worth paying for the amount you tried to steal, not to mention the bad publicity it would cause Crawford-Chase. Count yourself lucky.’

I finally understood the meaning of the word “speechless.

‘What does that mean? You think I’ve committed a crime but you’re not going to call the police?’

‘You’re contract is terminated effective immediately, the Crawford-Chase will not supply you with a reference and if any of your future employers contact us, we will inform them of the reasons you were fired.’ If you just sign here…. and here all the paperwork is complete and you can leave.’

‘Leave, just like that?’

‘Someone from security will be along to escort you’re from the building.’

I took a pen with trembling hands and pulled the document closer. I scanned the words until I realised I was signing to say that I understood and agreed with the reason my contract was terminated. I didn’t agree. ‘Wait, I didn’t do this, I’m not signing this to say I did it, when I didn’t.’

Mr Crane put his briefcase on the table, clicked open the lid and pulled out a sheet of paper. ‘If you’re unwilling to sign that, then you’ll need to sign this document instead, to say that you’ve refused and someone will be in touch with you to discuss the appeals procedure. But let me tell you, you’re wasting your time. Even if anybody believed what you are saying, which they won’t, there’s hard evidence, and you have zero chance of being cleared.’

Both men gathered the papers and rose from their seats. ‘You are incredibly lucky. I hope you don’t take for granted your lack of disciplinary. If this was my firm I would be pressing charges, no matter what the publicity implications were.’

‘Goodbye Miss Adams.’

When I was alone in the room, I let go, I couldn't hold back my tears for a second longer. What was I going to do now? How could I pay my rent bills? How can I tell mom and dad that I was fired, for stealing? Oh my god, I don’t believe this is happening to me. Why would anyone do this to me? I didn’t do anything wrong. The best few weeks of my life were about to end with one of the worse days of my life.

I wiped my tears away and stepped out of the room, I raced through the building bypassing my former desk. I had no intention of collecting the few person items that remained in my desk; I wouldn’t give Lauren the satisfaction of seeing me this way. The journey down to the ground floor seemed longer than all the previous times I’d walked that exact route. I tried to think of other things at least until I was clear of the building just to hold myself together but every other step all I could think of was that this was the last time I would walk through Crawford-Chase and even though I didn’t do anything wrong, I felt this incredible swell of shame for being fired, for being disliked by everyone that I’d met here, for not being good enough to be taken seriously and for whatever it was about me that made Lauren think it was ok to do to me what she had.

The bus ride home was long too, and I was marginally relieved to get back to Weatheroaks and close myself behind my apartment door. I collapsed to the foot of the door, tears already streaming down my face

 

 

When I pushed my way through the doors the evening rush was beginning, Dominic was rushed off his feet.

I wish the only thing I had to worry about was how long I had to wait for a table.

‘Sorry, that took longer than I thought. What can I do for you?’ Asked Dominic

I wiped away a stray tear and explained what happened.

His concerned expression turned to worry, ‘Wow. This is serious, you don’t deserve this to happen to you.’

‘That’s what I was thinking for the four and half hours I sat in my apartment crying my eyes out.’

Neeve, I’m sorry, you should’ve called me, I would’ve come over and sat with you. But you look… better I guess now,’

‘I am, I’m still freaked out about what’s going to happen to me and angry and upset and scared but I’m trying to get control of myself. I cried so much I was sick and then I got really angry and then scared and then I cried some more and I literally think I just ran out of tears’

Dominic rubbed circles on my back as he listened. ‘Then what happened?’ he asked

‘I guess I just got tired of being upset. I got up and changed my shirt, it was soaked with my crying, I made myself a drink and went and stood by the window. I stared and stared into space, nothing really thinking about anything at all, but I was too warm so I opened the window and I could hear the birds in the trees, it was peaceful, it helped calm me down. Then I drank my drink and a dozen little kids playing in the square with water guns, they had this massive smiles on their faces, they were laughing and running from one tree to another, having the time of their lives and then there was this shy old guys standing outside the book store trying to ask out a sweet old lady on a date. While I was convinced my life was over or ruined, life was continuing just as ever just outside my window, and even if things went badly wrong like they have, I could still be apart of that. I’m young and I can’t just give up and lie in a heap on the floor and cry, I have the rest of my life ahead of me and I could be happy like those people outside my window and all I could think of was that it would be ok, it would all be ok, it had to be, you know?’

Dominic nodded. ‘I think I know what you mean.’

‘It was like I just had this feeling that everything would be ok, I would be ok but I had to do something and help myself. I had to find a way to keep my apartment and stay in Weatheroaks, with you and the band… I love playing in that band, even if it is only temporary and scares me to death every time I step out on that stage. I don’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself if I gave in and had to leave this town and maybe never have the chance to come back again.’

‘You are really brave, and I’ll do anything I can to help. But also, I hate to say it since you’re trying to be so positive but with Crawford- Chase firing you, it’s going to be messy finding another job with that hanging over your head. And I don’t think there’s anything you can do about that aspect of it.’

‘That’s what I was afraid of. ‘I admitted.

‘Other than making an appeal but, if they have proof...’

‘They don’t, it’s not proof because I didn’t do it! Honestly. I know, you haven’t known me very long but I’d never do anything dishonest or illegal!’

‘You could go to the press… if that’s what they’re trying to avoid but it might get you a result. But you’d be risking the whole thing back firing and making it worse.’

‘But no company will hire me after this, so what does it matter if I go to the press?’

‘Right now only me and you and Crawford-Chase know what happened, and only potential employers that contact them for a reference but let’s face it, most companies don’t have the time to be bother with all the background checks and stuff but if you go to the press, a whole lot more people will find out, innocence won’t matter, people believe what they read.’

‘I can’t believe I’m having this conversation.’

‘Maybe you could just not mention you ever worked there? Pretend it never happened. Give previous employer details.’

‘But I can’t lie.’

‘Not everywhere asks you to list your last employer, just a previous one so it wouldn’t be lying. ‘

‘I guess.’

‘What about the book store, could you work there?’

‘What? Are you kidding, they look overstaffed as it is.’

‘Huh? I thought there was only two staff plus Julia working at the store,’

‘There is… have you been in there lately?’

Dominic shook his head.

‘And neither has the rest of town by the looks of things. Whenever I walk by the window, the place is seems totally empty.’

‘Then I have no idea, sorry. Weatheroaks isn’t exactly known for its booming employment opportunities but I’ll ask around.’

‘Thanks,’ I said letting out a long sigh. ‘I should go; I’m practicing with the band tonight,’

‘Have a good time,’

‘I will,’

 

 

 

 

Chapters

7

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superostah wrote 117 days ago

This first chapter is filled with emotion and I'm loving every word of it. From the nervous girl finally realizing what her decisions really meant, to the firm lady standing up for what she believes she needs to do, to the excited woman stepping out on her own for the first real time.
Your descriptions of these emotions are spot on, and told well within the narrative. I'm excited to see what adventures are in store for your main character. I'm adding you to my watchlist and will be back to read more as time permits. For now, high stars.

First paragraph, I believe I found a typo. It says the seatbelt felt much tighter than it hard (or something like that) I believe you meant to state than it "had".

Shelby Z. wrote 225 days ago

Welcome to Weatheroaks by Terry Camm
Smooth writing style.
The story and main character have a lot of feeling to them. Neeve, creative name by the way, comes to life to the reader through her personal struggled to make a life for herself away from everything she has ever known. She has courage but doubts all at the time that the reader can relate to in the situation. The reader is pulled to Neeve as you make them hope she will make it all work.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Yuri Space1 wrote 251 days ago

I like your book so far. I will continue to read, but for now, I am rating very high and backing. Comments may come later.

Penny80184 wrote 255 days ago



Love your book. Hope to read more and more of it soon.

faith rose wrote 259 days ago

Dear Terry,

Your first chapter was very well written and engaging! I enjoyed reading this very much and felt myself getting caught up right away in your story. Neeve is very well-drawn, and the dialogue with mom in the opening is so true to life. You have also created many little pictures through imagery that bring the story to life (ie:bus jerking to a stop, and hands gripping the steering wheel). Your writing shows and doesn't just tell. I really like that. The end of chapter one and the inscription from Grandpa is touching and moving. This story has all the little things that make it a great big read! Well done.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

nautaV wrote 300 days ago

A very well written, enjoyable book good not only for the youth but for anyone older, who wants to recollect the happy days when we were young and everything was ahead and possible.
The book is full of vivid portraits ( Dominic, Julia Heart, Lauren) - it seems to me, I 'd easily recognize them if I met them somewhere in the street - and bright descriptions: The Bogart & Becall's restaurant (My special thanks for mentioning these names!), the graveyard of Julia Heart's bookstore with an asthmatic fan, etc.
All in all, your protagonist is sympathetic, all the characters are live and the life depicted is very recognizable..
Nevertheless, I've come across some items of slight misunderstanding.
E.g.:
Ch.2.
"Is Mrs. Heart here, I'm her new tenant?" I'd write: "Is Mrs. Heart here? I'm her new tenant."
Ch.3.
"Inside the couple of people..." Inside of whom, may I ask? Wouldn't it be better to have it this way::" The couple of people were sitting inside..."
"He snapped his fingers. " Oh hey, girl... coke?' I said sitting down at the table." I supposed, Dominic said this...
Ch.4.
"Good morning...I'm Neeve Adams?" I'd have it: " Good morning... I'm Neeve Adams."

Six stars, my WL till I can back it, and my special thanks for memories about the corresponded period of my own youth.

Valentine But
Escape

A Nerdy Rogue wrote 306 days ago

I quite enjoyed your story and the idea is quite excellent. :)
The typos... were somewhat annoying but hey I'm a grammar nazi dont' take that to heart.
I really liked the dialogue between Neeve and her mother - it explains a lot about their relationship and her personality.
I enjoyed the way that she managed to run away but still find work - still manage to take control of her life.
In addition I like the relationship between Neeve and Dominic? Is something going to form there - you leave it kind of open. I'm not sure if it gets resolved in a later chapter as I only read up to 4 (I'm going to try to make some time later this week to read more)
But from what I see I really like it - kudos
6 stars :D

- Bree

If you have time I'd love if you would rate/comment on my book
http://www.authonomy.com/books/45811/the-shadow-s-touch/

Bea Sinclair wrote 307 days ago

An enjoyable story with an interesting, 3 dimensional MC (well drawn). I came across a few typos but I see you have had advice from other authonomites on that score and I feel that the story still owns the page. I think your idea is excellent and that is the most important element in any story. With a little editing I think you might be on to a winner here. High stars and on my book shelf.
Good luck
Bea

AudreyB wrote 312 days ago

Hi, there – this is your review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

Your first paragraph seems blah, but the second one really sings. Leave off the navel-gazing and stick with facts. Later paragraphs of Neeve’s thoughts are also quite blah. But the dialog with her mother is excellent!!

I’m a little surprised that her mother is driving her. If she’s running away, it seems like she’d use public transportation of some kind. On the other hand, I do like the conversation she has with her mother during this drive. It provides much needed context and characterization.

How does one study Law in one’s first semester?? This, plus the fact that Neeve is 24, has me puzzled. What did she do between 18 and 24?

By the end of the first chapter, I have a lot of Neeve’s internal thoughts but not much concrete information. Although I dislike her parents, I don’t understand what she finds so offensive in her current life. I don’t know what she’s escaping from.

I’m perplexed by your focus on the heat in Weatheroaks. She’s just taken a brief bus trip. Why would the weather be different?

“…homelier than a soccer mom’s kitchen…” I think you wanted homier. Which means comfortable. Homlier means plainer.

The second chapter is considerably better than the first. What information in the first chapter is absolutely essential to your plot? I’d recommending cutting all but the most essential info.

I’m still not sure I get why she felt she had to leave. Why was getting her own apartment in the same city as her parents a bad idea?

I wonder about using ‘Central Perk’ to describe the size of his cup. With the show gone, the references won’t be meaningful to twenty-somethings in a year or two.

I like the conversation in Chapter 3 that clarifies why this wonderful restaurant exists in this tiny town. I was curious about that.

I don’t get the lunch bit. Why would Lauren tell her she can’t have lunch when in reality she needs to go pick up the food for everyone? I get that Lauren is amused by this sort of abuse, but this one doesn’t ring true for me.

I wish I knew more about Neeve and what she’s escaping. Were her parents overly strict? Too wealthy and demanding? I would like to feel more sympathy for her than I feel right now. I’m mainly jealous that she’s 24 and still has her 24-year-old body (=:

I do like Dominic and the sandwich guy, and I appreciate how their reactions to Neeve make me like her more. But Lauren is mighty one-dimensional and it’s hard for me to believe she would have a role at any firm worth hiring. I like Adrian and his band friends.

All your action scenes are wonderful and well-paced. What isn’t working for me is the backstory. If it’s meant to be mysterious, then drop some hints about the mystery. But if she was just fed up at home, we need to know more about what was so annoying there that she’s moved to this tiny town.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

CJT wrote 354 days ago

Hi Terry-

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read "Welcome to Weatheroaks".

By the end of chapter 2, I can see the story is beginning to pick-up its pace. I think you do a nice job of conveying Neeve's emotional turmoil throughout the difficult decision of branching off from one's family and forging a new life. Chapter 1 was indeed a bit slow for me, but when Neeve finally steps off that bus, I could share in that inner buzz of excitement she feels at her life's new beginning.

So far, at two chapters in, the book feels more like the pilot to a television series--the set up that lends itself to an episodic treatment. I wasn't too aware of any one impending crisis, so wasn't sure what to genuinely look forward to--except the delight of watching through Neeve's eye what she will see around the next corner, as she explores a new hometown and meets new friends.

Some observations:
ch1:
- reads awkwardly: "I focused on her on her face"
- Neeve spends a good deal of time defending her choice to change her life--can you relay to the reader her sudden epiphany to make such a radical change? Might be easier to root for her in these defensive exchanges with her family
- "What else would you do" missing a quotation mark
ch2:
- defiantly = definitely?
- again, genuine excitement when she steps off the bus
- kerbs = curbs ?
- reads awkwardly: "the restaurant was sandwiched between a corner between" with repeat of "between"
- "dim lightening" = "dim lighting"
- "That's a scene" is missing a period
- "I'm Dominic" font changes suddenly?
- "homelier" meant "homier" maybe?
- "I nodded" missing period

Thanks again.

http://authonomy.com/books/41032/the-human-black-box-project-/
http://authonomy.com/books/44421/dirt/

Collin

LM Fowler wrote 364 days ago

My promised read, finally.

I really could relate to this story as it reminded me of my own experiences many years ago leaving home. You really do have the knack or making the reader identify with Neeve. I love her character, and how you have grown her personality throughout the five chapters I have managed to read so far.

Although, I did find the conversation between her and Dominic in chapter 3 re the coffee a bit confusing. They are discussing morning, breakfast, the morning coffee crowd, etc., but then he says the 6pm crowd, I think you might mean the 6am crowd? I feel a few areas could do with you reading them out loud to make sure they flow the way they should but all in all, this is a very good story. I dislike Lauren; I have had so many supervisors like her over the years it is scary that people like her actually do exist. You have done well in establishing a most dislikable character early in the story line.

Anyway, I am very much enjoying this and will keep it on my WL until I have time to finish reading, high stars, well done.

Linda
Threads of Time

Kate LaRue wrote 385 days ago

Terry,
I've read through chapter four and wanted to go ahead and comment. Neeve is an interesting character, someone who is relatable and who readers will be able to sympathize with and root for. I'll preface the rest of my comments by saying that I'm not very familiar with the chick lit genre, so feel free to take my comments with that in mind.

There was a lot of internal monologue throughout chapter one, and I found it hard to get a sense of place until four paragraphs in, when her mom breaks into her thoughts. As the drive to the bus station, and the bus ride itself, continue, there is still not a lot of description about where Neeve is, or what kind of scenery she is seeing out the window as her mind wanders. There is no sense of movement, though she is traveling.

I like the name of the bookstore and the phone conversation with her grandfather in chapter 2.

I was a little confused about the internal monologue about coffee at the beginning of chapter 3, since when she gets to Bogarts it is obvious that she isn't a coffee drinker. She asks Dominic for whatever she had the last time, but she's only been there once and she had a diet coke. Is there a day missing in there?

There is quite a lot of dialogue in chapter 3 between Neeve and Dominic. You don't tag most of it, which is good, but occasionally you could add some description or internal thoughts on Neeve's part to fill out the scene a little, give some of the atmosphere of the restaurant, and show what kind of relationship might be developing between these two characters. Will Dominic be a friend, a love interest? How does Neeve feel about him?

Watch how often you use certain words or phrases. Neeve's thoughts are 'interrupted' or 'broken' quite often. Find a new way to show that her attention has been grabbed by something new.

What a terrible first day at work in chapter 4. I felt the flow was a little disjointed. Maybe if you show some of the other employees handing some of their work off to Neeve as soon as Lauren goes into her office, let us feel that sense of being overwhelmed with her before we get to the part where Lauren comes back out and acts astonished that Neeve hasn't finished her stack of paperwork yet. If we've witnessed her stressful morning, we will feel the injustice of Lauren's remarks and attitude more acutely.

These are just my thoughts, like I said this isn't my normal genre. Hopefully something here will be helpful.
Kate

Dianna Lanser wrote 387 days ago

Terry,

I committed a bit of time to your chapter one, so that’s why I didn’t read any further, but I will. First I want to commend you on completing a full manuscript. That in itself is a great accomplishment that you can be proud of. As I was reading I got the feeling that a bit of you is in Neeve - determined, possessing stick-with-it resolve. Thus you have a completed book.

Your writing is quite moving. I felt you were really able to capture the conflict in a convincing and almost emotional manner. Perhaps it’s because I have “been there,” but I could definitely feel Neeve’s fear and doubting, and yet her resolve comes through loud and clear too. She is determined to at least try to make her dreams come true. Only 30 percent of people are brave enough to do that. You have given your readers a great role model and someone to cheer for. Where it might take most stories several chapters to do this, you have set your audience to commit to your heroine in the very first chapter. This will keep them reading.

You also use some very effective and original literary devices. Here’s a couple of my favorites:

“Her uncaring voice droned on, echoing around the car like the old washing machine Grandpa kept in his garage to wash his fishing clothes.

“I would be Rapunzel without the hair.”

Again, you playing on the readers feelings so wonderfully at Neeve’s send off. She’s left with the thought that even if she wanted to come home, chances are, she wouldn’t be welcomed. ‘Bye Mom.’ There is a ton of emotion behind those sad words.

“I don’t need Dad’s approval, just his acceptance.” This is a gem. All parents need to read this!

Terry, I have no doubt that the rest of your book will be delivered in the same convincing and insightful manner is which you have written your first chapter. I believe this will be a story that the reader will become a part of and will definitely learn something about themselves in the process.

A couple suggestions: The chapter needs a thorough edit. I did find a few typos and grammar errors. I’ll send them in a message. And although the dialogue between Neeve and her dad was very authentic it may have went on for a little too long. See what other people think before you consider making changes though.

I was truly impressed with what I read. You have a real knack for seeing to it that your readers identify with your main character. I’ll be back to read more. Highly starred!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

The Knowledge wrote 388 days ago

Very well written and goes along at a gentle pace. Easy on the mind and a perfect nights reading. Good mixture of character interplay...free flowing narrative and convincing dialogue.
Well done writer.
Highly starred / rated
David

Scott Toney wrote 391 days ago

{Welcome to Weatheroaks}

Terry,

I really like the title and premise of your book. The title pulls us in right away. It's inventive and I found myself intrigued and wanted to get in to the read to discover what your book was about! I also thought that your pitches were well done and did a good job of letting us know about your work.

One of my favorite things about the first chapter of Welcome to Weatheroaks is how relatable it is! Reading your book reminded me of how I felt when entering in to college and in relation to my family at that time in my life! I think that this will go over great as Chic Lit and, although I am a guy, I am looking forward to returning for more soon as well!

Well written and well recieved! I've starred Welcome to Weatheroaks highly and have added it to my watchlist so that I can easily return soon for more!

Have a wonderful day and thank you so much for supporting and reading The Ark of Humanity as it nears the top 5 on Authonomy!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

Pandora11 wrote 395 days ago

I've read the first five chapters so far and finding Neeve to be a sympathetic character. Her parents seem cold and material, more interested in her financial future than emotional well-being, even the grand-father she adores and who brings more warmth to the family believes she'll still follow the legal path.

By the end of chapter five more possibilities seem open to her, she's setting into the town, starting to make friends and has found a spot in the band. However, the perfectly horrible Lauren is the blot on her new life. From the pitch I can see there will be hurdles to overcome and presumably her career will be one of those issues but there is also the potential here already for some romance and perhaps that will also lead to conflict.

I do think some editing is required. I made some notes on points I noticed in the first two chapters:

Chapter One: Life mentioned three times in first two sentences.

401 (k) - this might be something more for the US audience - I don't know what it means.

Quite a lot of ellipses in the first few paragraphs.

Change of tense, 'The man in the seat in front turned and faces me.'

Some typos - 'keep my tone even, It was'
'I focused on her on her face'
'I'm almost here...' - she isn't here yet so should be there
'as if she was about to speech but thought better'

Chapter Two: a change of tense, 'I feel like a new woman!' 'Maybe If I stand here looking thirsty long enough' and 'it has been a long day already'

There's a bit of repetition at times, like the old couple walking up to the old gazebo, 'the restaurant was sandwiched between a corner between a florist'

I do think you have the right age MC (and the right circumstances) for chick lit but Neeve might be older than a YA tag suggests.

Overall, an enjoyable premise with a character that the reader can care about.



Thank you for taking the time to read as much as you did. I appreciate you pointing out the errors that you came across. I agree with the problem areas/bad habits that you mentioned and i am embarrased that i missed those. I did find it difficult to 'fix' them all after rereading the story so many times.

I may remove the YA tag, i added it because I wasn't quite sure that my book completely fell into the Chick Lit category as most books i've read in that genre have been focused on older characters and I was trying to find the right fit.

I hope to use any future collective feedback to improve my book, so again thank you for your comment.

L_MC wrote 395 days ago

I've read the first five chapters so far and finding Neeve to be a sympathetic character. Her parents seem cold and material, more interested in her financial future than emotional well-being, even the grand-father she adores and who brings more warmth to the family believes she'll still follow the legal path.

By the end of chapter five more possibilities seem open to her, she's setting into the town, starting to make friends and has found a spot in the band. However, the perfectly horrible Lauren is the blot on her new life. From the pitch I can see there will be hurdles to overcome and presumably her career will be one of those issues but there is also the potential here already for some romance and perhaps that will also lead to conflict.

I do think some editing is required. I made some notes on points I noticed in the first two chapters:

Chapter One: Life mentioned three times in first two sentences.

401 (k) - this might be something more for the US audience - I don't know what it means.

Quite a lot of ellipses in the first few paragraphs.

Change of tense, 'The man in the seat in front turned and faces me.'

Some typos - 'keep my tone even, It was'
'I focused on her on her face'
'I'm almost here...' - she isn't here yet so should be there
'as if she was about to speech but thought better'

Chapter Two: a change of tense, 'I feel like a new woman!' 'Maybe If I stand here looking thirsty long enough' and 'it has been a long day already'

There's a bit of repetition at times, like the old couple walking up to the old gazebo, 'the restaurant was sandwiched between a corner between a florist'

I do think you have the right age MC (and the right circumstances) for chick lit but Neeve might be older than a YA tag suggests.

Overall, an enjoyable premise with a character that the reader can care about.

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