Too much life

Such a nice and really touching book. Once edited your book is much more interesting to read. I congratulate you for having the courage of writing the history of your life, sometimes it looks like fiction but the reader feels that it is true because you only use true words. I really hope many people will get a chance to read it as it is a very good lesson on life

Hi Paola
Oh dear, Oh dear what can I say. It is so touching and amusing at the same time. Practically what most children would go through in life. I have read up to chapter four. I cannot help but to LOL (laugh out loud) at times with some of your explanations. Chapter three was amusing and that takes me back to my child hood days. I would have loved to continue reading but I have to come back and finish the book it is so exciting. I am blessed in reading it. Oh! I forgot to say, I cannot critic this book as it looks almost perfect writing. One thing is that it only appears to be going at a slow pace. I just want everything to happen faster.

Your writing is very clear and easy to read and follow. I wish to thank you for such honesty in sharing your life with this community. I find myself saying what a brave woman. Though we go through pains and struggles there is always light at the end of the turnel they say. So, I believe that anyone who reads this your story will be blessed by it in some way. Good luck, stars for you.

Catherine
If Only You Could Tell.

Finally you have edited your book. My first impression has been confirmed because the book is very interesting and going through it is a good lesson on life for everybody. Congratulations again for being so courageous to share very personal feelings with the readers. Your style is very clear and facilitates its reading

I have finally been able to read two more chapters of your book! I have to keep reminding myself that this is non-fiction. If you understand--it is too real to not be fiction! You capture every feeling, thought, and word of this child so very well. And I see you have moved up in the rankings. Grand. Best luck.

Would make a wonderful, powerful movie. I'm a screenwriter, I notice these things :-)
On WL for now.

blessings,
Jim

I hope many people will read it! Thank you so much for having understood my story. Now I just have to find an agent! lol

Such a nice and really touching book. Once edited your book is much more interesting to read. I congratulate you for having the courage of writing the history of your life, sometimes it looks like fiction but the reader feels that it is true because you only use true words. I really hope many people will get a chance to read it as it is a very good lesson on life

Carol,
every family in every colture is not the same. I was not so lucky as the rest of the Italian families I know. Please do keep reading!

Hi Paola,

I enjoyed reading the first two chapters of your book 'Too Much Life.'

You give a good insight of how you were raised in Urban Italy during the early 1960's.

I was so glad to hear that Mrs Liliana and her family welcomed you are she was like a surrogate mother to you.

I had always imagined that Italian families were loving and devoted to one another. Your story proves that I over generalized and was wrong.

It was unfortunate that your parents singled you out for punishment.

High Stars.

Good Luck with it.

Carol Jefferies

FIXED THANK YOU!
Catherine

Dear Paola,

Destiny has bright lights for you. Just relax and take it as you said, one day or one minute at a time. We never know what tomorrow has in store. All we know is yesterday, which one cannot dwell on; and today, which we try to pass by , but for the future it is in God's hands. Have a Happy Future Life. May God Bless you and keep you.

Catherine

Hi Paola,
Here I am again, I am now reading Chapter 34. There are some editing to do.

Paragraph 14 reading from "furthermore, when (thy) should be (they) and (tired) should be (tried) to take the oxygen". Also, line 18 instead of to sleep again, I prefer; I fell asleep again.

Paragraph 22, starting with "It was okay........ " line 15, "when I saw him he was beat up ....." should read: he was beaten up.

Parapgraph 31 starting from Finally...... reading from "who was going to Scholl .... " should read, (School).

Paragraph 37, starting from I wanted to jump.... line 4, "I went though... " should be (through).


I hope this will help. Read chapter 34 again and see what you make of the things I have picked up. Wonderful story so honestly told.

Catherine.
If Only You Could Tell

Hi Paola
Oh dear, Oh dear what can I say. It is so touching and amusing at the same time. Practically what most children would go through in life. I have read up to chapter four. I cannot help but to LOL (laugh out loud) at times with some of your explanations. Chapter three was amusing and that takes me back to my child hood days. I would have loved to continue reading but I have to come back and finish the book it is so exciting. I am blessed in reading it. Oh! I forgot to say, I cannot critic this book as it looks almost perfect writing. One thing is that it only appears to be going at a slow pace. I just want everything to happen faster.

Your writing is very clear and easy to read and follow. I wish to thank you for such honesty in sharing your life with this community. I find myself saying what a brave woman. Though we go through pains and struggles there is always light at the end of the turnel they say. So, I believe that anyone who reads this your story will be blessed by it in some way. Good luck, stars for you.

Catherine
If Only You Could Tell.

Finally you have edited your book. My first impression has been confirmed because the book is very interesting and going through it is a good lesson on life for everybody. Congratulations again for being so courageous to share very personal feelings with the readers. Your style is very clear and facilitates its reading

I guess I need to fire my "professional" editor! lol

PAOLA, I read the first and last chapter and I think you are very brave ane persevering. If my standards of literature weren't so high I would say that this is worth the time of a publisher , however if you study aspects of creative writing in the near future and this I advise you may be able to apply your talents in a work of interest to readers who tend to read for pleasure ,to escape , or to learn . If you keep the readers satisfaction in mind you will write something more entertaining . xxx !

Exposed, you have no idea about the emotions I had to relive!!! Thank you for your comment and please read on!

Hi Paola:
I read the first three chapters. I comend you for having the courage to write your memoires. To a small child what would they know whether or not their life is normal. Your book holds a great deal of emotion. Well done
MC
Exposed

Grace, thank you for your note. In a few days I will republish my book, a professional editor has been working on it, so it will be much easier to read!!!

Wow! What a beginning Paola. After only reading your synopsis I wanted to know more. Like you, I thought my childhood was normal, so I identify with that.

Second chapter; fascinating. I’ll report back when I’ve read a few more chapters.‘Too Much Life’ is on my watchlist.

Grace Lyssett
SORRY

Harper True Life

Just wait! My editor is almost finished! It will be a bomb when it is corrected and done! Thank you

Patrizia, i agree with the comments below and think you have a good voice here. I was drawn into this read at an early stage and can see this doing well. Your descriptions stand out as they mingle with the nice and smooth flow of this book. There is one other thing that I spotted and thats the way you manage to raise and lower the pace of this book and that is clever writing. I love this and score it will score high for me.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Many thanks.

I have finally been able to read two more chapters of your book! I have to keep reminding myself that this is non-fiction. If you understand--it is too real to not be fiction! You capture every feeling, thought, and word of this child so very well. And I see you have moved up in the rankings. Grand. Best luck.

This is a powerful and beautifully descriptive book. I will put you on my watch list. Top stars!!

THANK YOU Just wait when I will republish after it is all corrected! :)

This is a powerful and beautifully descriptive book. I will put you on my watch list. Top stars!!

Andrea, every single word is true...

This is unique. I'm not really sure even now if it is actually true or it just sounds it! (Haven't looked at your biog yet). But its a really interesting concept and got me thinking that I should write down all the things that have happened to me because I've had a 'full' life too, though maybe not quite so full as this!
Brilliant idea, well executed.
Andrea
The De Amerley Affair

I have liked the book, well written, even though I found that sometimes you have deserved what happened to you. Especially your relationship with men has been very strange, to the point that you always wanted to take advantage of them. Most of the time you played with two at the same time, you went out with younger men. Then you complain that things went wrong. You had opportunities, but I guess you like to use men and then throw them away. I wonder what happened to the last man you mention in the book. Sure it is not the last one you have met. Be careful because you are getting old, and old women are only interesting to young men, which you like a lot, but they usually learn from them and then throw them away. Good luck

Indeed 'when you say to yourself ok, this is it, now i shall be able to have a normal life but you get hit again'.
It is a very much touching tale. well written. Good kuck!

Hi Patrizia. I chose to read your book because I can relate to many things; Italy, the relentless and tireless happenings which knock us down, a woman's voice etc etc. Although I liked what I read so far I did find a few things jarring. I tend to really pick writing apart and if I find things which don't make sense I have a hard time following the rest.
Short Pitch; I loved
Long pitch; I would suggest stretching this out - remember you have uploaded your book to get people to read it and give feedback - the LP doesnt give much away. I would suggest taking a few of the most shocking points from your synopsis and adding them at the beginning of the LP instead, then go on to say 'Sometimes you tell yourself 'OK, this is it...'
From that we will want to read on and no doubt the other points will come out later in the book.
Introduction; It seemed like a note to self. You dont need to tell us what you hope we'll understand - with a good pitch to draw us in and strong content, we'll surely figure out why you made the decisions you did. Tell us the story, you dont need to justify anything from the offset. If you tell us that the first chapter may be a little boring, it puts the reader into a negative frame of mind.
The paragraph about your childhood not being normal may best serve at the end of Chapter 1 instead.
Chapter 1; There were a few gramatical points which I found jarring, such as the same word repeated in the same sentence, incorrect punctuation. e.g
Para 1: 'Younger sister...young friends'. Maybe change the second 'young' to fashionable?
Para 2: 'At one year old I took my first plane.' then just two sentences later 'I dont remember my first trip by plane; I was just one year old. It just looked like everyone was happy.' You have told us twice that you were one. But then said you didnt remember the trip, but that everyone looked happy?
Para 3: '...skinny lady, but the most beautiful blue eyes.' Could benefit from 'HAD the most beautiful blue eyes.'
' "You are very nice child and very friendly! Sister Celestina grabbed...' You need to close the speech marks.
' "Here you are, look at all the kids!"' Feels like it should have been a new paragraph.
I hope these notes make sense. I am by no means an accomplished writer, however really do give my honest thoughts. To simply say it was great isn't actually that helpful.
I will read on, because I am interested what story you have to tell and the feedback from the other readers.
Warm wishes
Adina
Confessions of a Dervish

i can relate to the pitch...too much consistancy in going-ons and really no stop! so i started to read...it's hilarious not the funny kind...i like it. And Jim is right...i'm a scrrenwriter too...this is the complete film.
Best,
Nagwa

Patrizia, this is a fast-moving, thrilling tale which pulls us in from the first page. The fact that it is your autobiography makes it all the more shocking. Your style of narrative rushes forward as you clearly have so much to say. A publisher would expect a great deal of editing done here, but frankly, I love your style and content and feel I want to read more. You have several lives rolled into one! I will back this on the strength of the few chapters I have read and it is highly starred. Well done, Natalie (The Diary of John Crow)

Life has been a wild ride for you, and there is an incredible story here. Truth is always stranger than fiction indeed. Kudos to you for having survived through it all and putting it down for others to read.

You have the makings of a great book, but it does need clean up per mention from others' comments on grammar and spelling matters throughout. I know from personal experience that it is hard to write fluidly and easily in another language (let alone flawlessly) that is not your mother tongue. The book would be all the much better from time spent on efforts in this area.

There is a lot going on in your story, thoughts and memories. It would benefit from a little more structure and breaking up the tale into more manageable bite-size chunks. Maybe you can use the start of chapters to frame places and times so the reader knows immediately where and when things are happening. You can do that again mid chapter if things change. It also helps to break up long chapters.

Framing things this way and better connecing of the dots will result in a much stronger read overall Otherwise, the tale may be construed as disjointed at times by readers who have a hard time following along. Readers / consumers today are generally impatient and short of time. We all seem to have the attention span of a goldfish.

You have a lot of positive and constructuve feedback from many others. Use it to your advantage to make your life's story even better and more polished. Perhaps considering working with an editor would help in having a fresh and set of constructive eyes on the project and make it that much stronger and compelling.

You write that the book starts out slow. My suggestion, to ensure that you keep people interested, is to start out with something interesting. You do not necessarily have to start off at the beginning, especially if it is not going to hold your reader's interest. I think that this needs editing, it has a lot of words and a lot of repetition.

Abby

Abby thank you, but as I have stated in my information, I have hired a professional editor....Hope she hurries up! :)

You write that the book starts out slow. My suggestion, to ensure that you keep people interested, is to start out with something interesting. You do not necessarily have to start off at the beginning, especially if it is not going to hold your reader's interest. I think that this needs editing, it has a lot of words and a lot of repetition.

Abby

Loving it, and backing.
jim

Let's make a movie! lol

Loving it, and backing.
jim

Very interesting and moving book. Like many others already said you need editing. Just a few mistakes I noticed in chapter 18. You wrote Chapter XVII, then "at least two weeks in advanced" it should be advance. Then Portofino and staid, stayed instead. Small details, but a book like this should be perfect

Hi Patrizia,

I read your pre intro, the intro, chapter one, and part of chapter two. Its a facinating story. It still needs some polish, but I believe waht youve written. My reason, is that with some much detail, it cannot be made up. I noticed a few small discrepencies, If I may suggest. Chapter One, about a third of the way down when you say
The main reason why I was always at my baloney, you probably meant balconey. next line My mother had never time, should read never had time. a little further down Why yopu get me should read Why dont you get me. Cahpter 2 first line last word should be bed vers bad. Hope you dont mind the corrections. If you find a moment could you review my boo, The Buena Fortuna. You would enjoy the interaction of the main characters.

Best of Luck

The Raven

Five pages? Two is just the Synopsis and the next one an introduction. For goodnessake, I don't know if it is just me, but it takes me at least a chapter to understand a book, the story and the writer....
But hey, it is not a book for everybody. Thank you for taking the time.

I have read the first five pages of this MS. That is where I have decided to stop. Although I am finding all your anecdotes very interesting, and I am keen to know more, I am also finding it hard to read. Trying to work out why that is. I think for me as a reader, there does not seem to be anything in particular linking the stories together, no theme and not chronological, just one random story to the next, and that makes me feel a little lost. I can see that in enteral you are progressing chronologically, but not strictly. There are quite a few spelling and grammar issues, but I'm sure they can be fixed.

I wish you all the best as you online to work on it.

Hi, upon your request, I have read the first 3 chapters.
The story is very moving and powerful so far, and I am sure it will keep going that way.
There are quite a few grammatical errors, but those can easily be fixed.
I will back your book as I think it is a different story, and as you say, it has something that
most people can identify with. Good Luck!

I had left the book for a while I just came back and I find every chapter I read very interesting, your writing style is so natural that one forgives your spelling mistakes

I finally finished the book, great story, I am eager to find out what's happening next. There are some mistakes, so please go through it again or find an editor

Thank you for inviting me to read your work. I've gotten through the first two chapters already. What can I say, what a whirlwind! You've experienced quite a different life. However, the tone of the piece is quite sad, still, I look forward to reading more.

-Mere
(The Reformation)

Thanks for inviting me to give you a read! Although, I've just read the first two chapters so far, I have found many incidents with which I identify! I'm sure many, many readers will as well. I don't know if you have purposely misused some words and punctuation because so far, this is the 'voice' of a child or if they are typos. They are minor and don't interfere with the flow of the story, but did make me wonder. Good luck with this and I will try to get back to read more chapters. I invite you to give my book, 'Starr,' a look and will hope you find something to like. Please do let me know. All best, Pat McA

You have done a wonderful job revealing the honest individual that God brought you up to be. You prove that life does not have an short cuts. Your book deserves to be recognized because it is all about honesty and life. Wishing you all the best!!!

I'm hoping that everyone has a chance to read your story. It deserves to be recognized. You show us that life does not have any easy and short curves. Wishing you all the best!!!

Lynne, first of all, thank you. I have so much to say that to describe the places would make the longest book in history. But I may try to do better. It is so long that actually this is only part one of my life! You red few pages and in those pages I was a baby, therefore my feelings at the time are as vivid to me, but the repercussions and the future feelings about everything are described later on. I hope you will read more...

Patrizia, I have read up to chapter ten of your story. You have indeed gone through some incredible and difficult times, and you have described them in clear and detailed form, with strong crisp evocative statements. The facts themselves draw me into the story, make me want to hear more, especially to hear how you have persevered after these harrowing sometimes entertaining experiences. what I have found to be glaringly missing is the lack of any description of all of these incredibly interesting background places, from your original home, place of birth, and all those places you passed through during your odyssey. Everything appears to have taken place in a bubble without any connection to you or where you are. Also, there is rarely any mention of your own feelings or reactions to much of the horror or even just strange occurrences that keep on happening. I want to hear and feel so much more, and I know that with all of your memory for detail you can do it. Maybe, in this genre, you do not need to do this, and maybe I am completely wrong in saying all of this. If so, I apologize,this is just my feeling. lynne

Would make a wonderful, powerful movie. I'm a screenwriter, I notice these things :-)
On WL for now.

blessings,
Jim

Yes thats what I have in mind, I believe it would be a great HBO or Showtime series, actually as as soon as finish the editing I a starting Part II. Do you anybody who would be interested in consider it?

Would make a wonderful, powerful movie. I'm a screenwriter, I notice these things :-)
On WL for now.

blessings,
Jim

Patrizia,

I read your first 2 chapters. You have indeed had quite the life! Unfortunately, I think the presentation of your story overwhelms the reader. My head was spinning just from reading the synopsis! You have so much information to present but perhaps there's a way to offer it in smaller pieces. Also, I would recommend some editing as there are a number of spelling and grammar errors that I feel distract from your story. But again, you certainly have had an incredibly difficult life and I applaud you greatly for your perseverance.

I wish you all the best!

Patti

Patrizia,

Thank you for inviting me to read your book. It left me conflicted. On the once hand I very strongly recommend to people that they should write their autobiography, and indeed have written a how-to book on the subject (which I won't mention since the present subject is your book not mine). However behind my recommendation is a belief that we should write for a readership of our own family and friends and not for the world at large, who are not generally interested unless we are important or write with remarkable insight and talent. I've written my own autobiography, but I don't expect anyone who doesn't know me to read it, though it's there for anyone who cares to.

If we go beyond the limited objective of leaving a family memoir, I think your book falls within a class known in the trade as "misery memoirs", which is an expresssion that shouldn't be understood negatively: it's just a term that 20 year old kids in publishing use. when they have no life behind them Your work is a record of the human spirit in its struggle against adversity and in that respect admirable, which is why such books can be commercially successful, as I hope yours will be. Speaking - I emphasise - purely personally, this isn't a genre to which I respond: probably because I've had the good fortune of living a happy life clouded by problems that other people would pay me money to have, and also I'm light-hearted and trivial - not exactly your target audience. For these reasons I can't comment in much depth. Indeed I have only one practical thing to say, which is that the text seriously needs copy-editing as to punctuation, paragraphing and other stuff that copy-editors do. I can't say how this will affect things if you reach the editor's desk.

I'm adding my backing as a token of sincere goodwill.

Jim (Death and the Tango in Madeira)

As promised, I read one chapter of your book tonight. I enjoyed your unique and worldly voice. You are certainly memorable in just this first exposure. I do, of course, have a few tips that I hope you will be open to hearing. There are places in the book that need tightening, and that are unnecessarily long. If you were to cut these areas, the book would move along more quickly, thus, deepening your readers' commitment to remain with you until the end. It would be beneficial to employ an editor for this reason, as well as to eliminate any other errors. Still, you show a lot of promise. I hope you continue to move forward. Best, Hilary