The Polished Horde

I wasn't offended! It seems to me it's exactly the way he would think given his lack of success. Its' refreshing to find an MC who is so direct! No really, your voice is perfect (although I couldnt help feeling for his girlfriend) and I am sure will appeal to most of the male population and some of the girls, too. This is very clever.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

Bahahahaha! I fucking love it! Ha ha.
I started reading, and literally spat my tea out. I continued to laugh right until the end of the chapter. Brilliance. I like the fact that you arent afraid to use the words you want, it reminds me a lot of Irvine Welshs style of writing.
I love the line, 'there are only two things i'll never doubt i'm good at, fucking and writing. Ironically i cant ever get a fuck and no one has ever published my stuff.' ha haha.

I'll read on, i hope it continues at this pace

Claire C Riley
Limerence

Hi, Just read first two chapters, i love it.. its witty, sharp, and made me laugh out loud.
Your characters are great, Bagley is great, needs a little physical descrpiton,
I shall read on tomorrow. its great, please never apologise for the words you choose to use. if others dont like it,thats thier hard cheader...

Superb Kate off the rails.

Hi, glad you enjoy it. I'm aware he needs more, the way I work is to write to the end then edit chapter by chapter, I'm not sure how far I am off the end. I know where it's going though. Hope the rest doesn't gross you out too much :)

Hi, Just read first two chapters, i love it.. its witty, sharp, and made me laugh out loud.
Your characters are great, Bagley is great, needs a little physical descrpiton,
I shall read on tomorrow. its great, please never apologise for the words you choose to use. if others dont like it,thats thier hard cheader...

Superb Kate off the rails.

Hello Stuie. Oh Bagley, how very many of him I've met.
Some of the more literary people on this site will be appauled by your story. They'll say that the use of so many swear words loses their strength. In this case they don't. They create Bagley's character in the very first paragraphs. They become language. Without you even describing him, I know what he looks like, where he comes from and what riles him.
I don't like to read the whole upload of an incomplete book, as I find I get right into it and am pissed off that it stops at a crucial point. I noticed only one correction; Chapter 3, should it be, 'I bit her dad's fucking hand off'.
You've done this amazingly, to write this so well and make a realistic character narrate the story.
People may advise you to change things like Netto, Asda, page three etc. in an attempt to make the book travel (mainly to America). Who cares? This book is raw and British (don't tell me you're Irish now). Everything it refers to is relatable and how it should be. It's written for all but will hopefully appeal to a generation that find books a chore.
I've six starred it and hope you upload more, my other half would love to read this in full. good luck with getting it published.
Jesamine.
Northampton, Lime and Time Alone.

A great opener. 
No matter what, it'll pull you in. Overall, the book is hilarious, unapologetic, and a fun read. Bagley is a prick, but he's a hilarious prick, so you keep reading and laughing. He's not even likeable, but for some reason, he's a prick you want to be around. I definitely have friends like that. I've also learned about 6 new ways to say "vagina," so it's educational too. Who'd've thought. 
Anyway, I had some thoughts for you in the first two chapters, and I've watch listed to come back, because I want to know official Bagley will redeem himself, or not. But it'll be fun to find out how he further fucks up throughout the book.
Hope this helps:
Chapter 1:
-The cunt in question is her boss, Colin - should this be "my" boss? If not, it should be clarified as to who "her" is.
-No, I’d rather stay at home playing ‘Call of Duty’ on the XBOX - sick. I love seeing CoD references in novels.
-"Eventually, the messiah (in the form of my dad) arrived to them upon the purchase of a new school bag" - I'm not convinced this is super-well explained. Was the bag particularly atrocious, or did it have some other stand-out factor that made them decide that because Bagley's father bought the bags then he would be called so?
-"By the time I reached my 30’s, I realised I didn’t give a fuck any more" - great line.
-"caught the mid 90’s hip hop wave with spectacular misdirection" - another great one, and I might thieve a variation of this for my own daily use in calling out my brothers.
-"I’m smiling at the memory of driving over a speedbump;-" the following anecdote should probably be in a separate paragraph, as it doesn't quite follow the previous sentence. But also, it kind of comes out of nowhere and goes nowhere. It doesn't quite make sense. I'd suggest you look it over. Then you jump rather abruptly back to the present, which is good - as I've been waiting for you to do that - but the transition could be smoother.
Overall for this chapter, I'm not sure you want this much backstory. It's a bit of a long, meandering break until you get back to present. Then again, you probably don't give a fuck, so fair enough. 

Chapter 2:
- "I’ve never had a bad word to say about him," - it's unclear whether your talking about Danny or Georgie in this sentence. 
- "On those Fridays, the strands of my life slowly began to come together" - you should probably start a new paragraph here. I also think a bit of this could be chopped down.
- "Christ, I fucking digress, don’t I? Fuck it, you need the bigger picture" - hilarious. And frankly, yes, you fucking digress. 
-"give me advice upon my relationship" - I could be wrong, but I think it's "advice ABOUT my relationship"
- Who will make me rich, and if that’s not forthcoming, who will make everyone else absolutely fucking miserable? - this will be my new voting policy henceforth
-"Nice guys finish last, motherfuckers, and if the coalition don’t do anything..." - this is a bit of a long sentence, and doesn't quite make sense unless you actually do know something about politics (which Bagley claims not to). I kind of think it would be more resonant if you just left it as "Nice guys finish last, motherfuckers." (it gets the point across)
- I won't even lie, I was impressed by how Mouse turned around the Molotov-cocktail situation. 

Anyway, that's all I've got time for tonight. Hope it helps.
Ellie
Paragon

Two words "Fucking Superb!"
I love writing that is real and does not hold back on the profanities we all use in our day to day life.
I am sure even the Queen swears at Phillip when he drops a crafty one, that he blames on a pasing corgi.
Loved what i have read so far and backed it after reading the first chapter.
The word cunt as Marita as pointed out is not that offensive to a New Zealander and neither is to us Brits, yes some would be offended.
But i expect even they have used it when stubbing their toes or standing on the up turned prongs of a plug.
Great work and i look forward to reading more.

some quirky bits in the long pitch. worked on one hand, but it is vague on the other. you have done a great job building the most unlikeable fella....
j

Your author's note made me read this. I'm supposed to be doing something else, but I felt like taking a break so I read your first two chapters and was highly amused. You mentioned at the bottom of chapter 1 that this will probably be one of the most offensive things I've read ... Nope, far from it, the most offensive thing I've read I stopped reading with such a disgusted look on my face and your book doesn't even come close. Not even in the same ball park, let alone in the same hemisphere. But then again, I'm a New Zealander and "cunt" is a national word :) (Not as much as it is for the Australians though after watching that funny youtube video called "Australia - Yeah Cunt." And, I'd say a lot of people will get offended by that video. Anyway, In New Zealand (and Australia) cunt is used in so many contexts: a good cunt, lucky cunt, smart cunt, fucking cunt, sad cunt, and so forth that I don't blink when I hear or read it. Maybe the Americans or Brits will be offended, but not Kiwis or Aussies.

Bagley is definitely a cunt, not a smart one but a fucking one at times and a sad cunt at other times, oh yeah, and a disgusting one, though I agree with one thing he said. Skat. Bloody disgusting. Why anyone would want to do that is beyond me. Anyway, I'll get off that gross topic, and point out that scene with the cheap-arse Molotov cocktail: it was funny. Bagley's friend Mouse was amusing and the way he took advantage of the fire situation was funny.

I think that Portugese comment would be the equivalent of Aussie and Kiwi guys saying about the Dingo got the baby (Not sure you'll get that mention-too bad. Ask me if you want to know).

Anyway, I waffle, so I better actually critique. Not much to criticise, actually nothing to criticise, because you've got Bagley's cuntingness on the head with your narrative. The guy is realistic, and I'm sure I've met guys like this who work to get by, do the bare minimum and live to play XBOX and take whatever shag they can get. Yeah, definitely have met guys like this, just lucky I never went out with any of them :) By the way, that sheila (chick) who Bagley was going out with that shagged his mate in the car then came back to give Bagley some relationship advice: that was funny.

I'll stop here as I don't really have much helpful stuff to say and I should really be working. But, thanks for the read. Cheers, Marita.