Nothing's Set In Stone

Agatha Club:


This tugs at the heart-strings. You write age very well. Moist eyes aside, I read more than the chapters I needed to for the purposes of the forum thread.

I always comment on feel (unless the writing intrudes). here the feel and the flow of the story is natural. Story telling at its best. The intricate tale unfolds in an understated telling with monumental events handled in the same voice as the mundane. The marks on the table, the death of the parents. This makes the emotions shown all the stronger.

I truly had tears in my eyes at several points in the passages I read.

There are great moments throughout and this is a book I will read in full and it is already lingering in my mind. I like that of a book. It seldom happens.

An assured writer with a strong voice.

Cas

{Nothing’s Set In Stone} – Emma Burge

Highly emotive, original and refreshing, I am thoroughly enjoying this. I read the introductory/prologue part and the first two chapters, I kept getting an error clicking on the (2) button on authonomy!! :(

The opening paragraphs were fantastic. I like the tone of the piece at this point, and the way the reader feels like we’re being spoken to. You lure the reader into your story from a more general perspective, before we meet the actual characters. I also like how these paragraphs link nicely to the last part of the long pitch.

Chapter one had excellent emotional tension between Alex and Connor. I love your descriptions associated with feelings. It gives your work a lot of depth.

At times I felt there was perhaps a little too much backstory/thoughts about other characters (e.g. in the intro… I would’ve liked to perhaps get to Sean sooner, and have more development of Sean as he is relevant at this stage and obviously a significant player). However your lovely writing maintained my interest, so it didn’t bother me too much. Also the dialogue part in chapter one “Hey, I know he’s …’ and ‘It’s just Barron now’ – quite long dialogue segments that are perhaps lecturing the reader a little. Perhaps trim/add in some thoughts/actions in between the dialogue, so that it feels more natural?

I like the focus shift in chapter two, and I was interested to see how the threads would come together, and the association of the characters to one another. You begin to build some good mystery which keeps the reader engaged.
Congratulations on a well thought-out story, and terrific writing! I have given you 6 stars and hope to read more soon!
Have a lovely day and thanks so much for your support of ‘Dawn of Destruction’,
Cara
------
p.s. A few nitpicks, hope there’s are useful!
in chapter one,
- ‘he seems’ not ‘he’s seems’ like a great guy
-‘Their emotions blended’ → should it be ‘The’

in chapter two,
- ‘and she laughed, she laughed a lot’ not sure if this really works for me… perhaps ‘had been absolutely hysterical, making her laugh a lot.’ The action of laughing I just feel needs to be linked a little more to the rest of the sentence
- “I have to go,” she said, opening the door. (comma with the dialogue tag, and break up the ‘speech’ action and physical action of opening the door)
- ‘was reminded of how chilled it was’ → perhaps ‘how chilly it could be’ so you don’t have double ‘was’

The writing is rich and descriptive. Fast-paced and snappy dialogue. Needs some editing to smooth out the rough edges, but great potential here. There is also great emotion evoked in the work. Stay with it. I get the sense this book is like family to you and that is a great thing.

This is such a clever idea and beautifully done. The idea of Alex being open to other people's emotions works superbly. I had a friend with the same problem, she used to draw an imaginary cloak over herself to protect her from crowds. In a book Alex's problem/gift is technically really useful as you can get in other people's emotions without a viewpoint problem. Clever.
Suggestions if you don't mind them, just my reading reaction so may be wrong obviously. Perhaps you could mention the wedding at the beginning of ch.1 so we know it's following on chronologically not a flash back., Also I didn't understand why Alex has scores on her neck when she felt the distress of the boy in the back room of the shop.
Love the relationship between her and Connor and the idea of Sean, who is someone she doesn't have to feel (except physically!) Great first paragraphs, which certainly hooked me. I was going 'Yes, all true!'
The book is opens out nicely with the plot development of Baron (robber baron?) the asset stripper. Not a nice man to hold the key to Alex's past and emotional problems.
Staying on my watchlist and six stars. Something really different which could attract agents or publishers. I( hope it does!)

Club Nora Critique:

It took me a chapter to get the rhythm because it's set in England, I believe? However, you pulled me in with your unique writing style. Descriptive, chillingly emotional, the reader is given enough in Chapter 2 with the scratches to the neck to lay the ground work for a violent past. The clash between Conner and Sean adds another element to the story giving the reader more insight into Alex's own conflicting and separate needs. You have a natural storytellers voice. The first chapter has a few editing errors but high praise and high stars.


KCW
The Final Beginning

I just finished reading two chapters. I must say your descriptions and charcters had me glued to the page. You paint Alex so well. I really enjoyed the chapter with Connor and the mystery about Barron. Well done. High starred.
MC
Exposed

I just finished reading two chapters. I must say your descriptions and charcters had me glued to the page. You paint Alex so well. I really enjoyed the chapter with Connor and the mystery about Barron. Well done. High starred.
MC
Exposed

Hi Emma,

Thanks so much for looking at my book! Thought I'd read a couple of chapters of yours in return...

I haven't gotten too far in yet, but I thought I'd stop and leave you a comment. Your descriptions, first of all, are just awesome. They're fluid and breathtaking, and your carefully chosen words allow the reader to effortlessly envision what is going on. This helped me connect more, not only to the scenes and events, but also to the characters.

That's another thing: I love the way you characterize through the description. Take Alex, for example: everything she does and everything she says has personality and acts to characterize her. This is immediately a good sign: it shows that you put a lot of thought into who you wanted her to be and how you wanted to get this across to the reader.

If I were to offer you one small tip, I'd say that, as a reader, I was kind of hit by the revelation that "their feelings invade her mind and body and she can't control it" in the first chapter. Since I'd only just gotten into the story and was starting to learn a little about the situation, it seemed like a lot to take in all at once. If you think the information is necessary at the very beginning, then by all means ignore me - you're the writer here! - but personally, I think that it might also be effective to reveal this about Alex a little later on in the story. That way, the reader has time to get a bit more grounded before processing this.

That's just my opinion, though, and it's only a small detail. Generally I think this is very impressive writing. High stars and I'm backing it!

Laura
Life According to the Dead

Hi Emma
I see this more of a womans bookthan it is for me. Having said that I think you have done a marvelous job with it. Your MCs are very believable, as is your story. There are one or two little editing problems here and there but nothing that cannot easily be overcome. All in all a good story told well, well done. High stars from me.
Brian.

I've had your book on my WL for quite awhile and finally got to read the first two chapters. You have me totally hooked. Your writing style, plot and characters are refreshingly original. You've thrown so many emotions, characters, suspenseful situations at the reader that it feels like I'm caught up in a vortex--a very compelling and interesting vortex! You could give lessons on how to hook a reader, that's sure. I will be back to read more; I have to know what happens. Minor criticism: sometimes unneeded commas and a few missing apostrophes. Easy to fix. I can't wait to find time to get back to this!

Emma, This wouldnt normally be my read and thats why I went looking for it. I am trying to stay away from my own genre to see what else is out there in the big bad world. I came across your book ans I must say that I was so surprised with the book. Superb and very addictive indeed. I started reading it and went past my 3 chapter rule before I knew it. I think you have a little gem here and I wish you luck.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or Watch List wont you. Happy New Year. Sean

Club Nora -ch. 2

I enjoyed the scene with Alex and Conner. You start off the interaction very naturally and the dialog and gestures are quite cohesive. Beginning with the casual, yet intimate conversation preludes the information-getting section nicely and is just how I would expect a natural conversation to progress.

Alex's interaction with Sam (I got a chuckle out of reading those character names together in such a different context- who would guess two people would think of the same name pairings?) was also well done and very natural. You have a good talent for writing true-too life scenes that put a good picture in my minds eye.

April Gray
The Illusion

Nothing's Set in Stone- You've set an intriguing beginning with tension from several angles, Alex's sensory abilities, the appearance of Sean who is one that for some reason, she cannot read emotionally and Conner the man who loves her despite her softly rejecting him. The story flows well, Alex searching for answers as these tensions collide and add a new dimension. Well done, keep going.

CADreilling - The Line - Beginnings

Chapter 5.

Your writing style continues to deliver with the fluency i've come to expect from you. Everything just sort of flows along nicely. Its readable, enjoyable and interesting. Every time i think i know where its going, you open up a new element.
Great work.


A couple of things stood out to me, which i hope will help.

A line right at the top didnt seem right to me - 'but before she could worry, (she) felt the feeling wash over (her) (remove- them) and away.

Stephanie had (driven) not drove. (this is something that has happened, not is just happening.)
and i mean now(.) The words bonnet and bee come to mind."
Fieldman guy is (snooping- not snopping)

High stars still my lovely.

Claire C Riley
Limerence

Hi Emma,
I just chose a random chapter from your book and it was 11.

I liked the way you structured the dialogue scenes. They're believable. Your characters Alex, Connor and Rebecca sound like they're already alive and kicking! Your descriptions are visual and you know how to set the tone of your novel.

High stars and best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Hi Emma,

I enjoyed reading 'Nothing's set in Stone,' and from the start felt sympathetic towards Alex, having tragically lost her parents and having to live with foster parents. Her hypersensitive to people's emotions is intriguing, and I presume it has been caused by some tragic event in her past, especially when it is mentioned that she has had a past betrayal.

The plot is interesting and carefully worked out with many questions left unanswered to bait the reader. Like who was Sean? And why was Emma so intimate with him if he did not accompany her to her friend's wedding?

Then in Chapter Two, Connor is introduced who also provokes certain feelings in Alex. I wondered why she needed his help? And why was Phillip Barron so bad? Although when I met him in Chapter three his ruthlessness and ambition quickly developed my dislike of him.

The writing is very good and wins high scores for me, even though I thought the characters too black and white, the dialogue is realistic. Alex came across as a bit too perfect for me. The one thing that put me off reading more was after Phillip Barron was introduced and I lost interest when his business was discussed, and decided it wasn't a book for me to read further.

I wish you good luck with it,

Carol Jefferies
(A Prince Unboyed)
(Love for Lilian)

return read
love your opening... "reluctantly romantic" made me smile
I've read five chapters so far and this is an addictive read. i love the innocence but budding relationship between Connor and Alex...
i want to keep reading... even still... i wish i had more time.

for now, high stars and a promise to be back with roses x

cheers,
Jaclyn x
It Never Happened

I really liked the writing and found the story to be quite involving, and you have some truly lovely turns of phrase here. I loved the melancholy mood at the start, the protagonist was interesting and sympathetic for me, and I think you did a fantastic job with the steamy scene at the end of the first chapter. The fact that Alex can feel other people's emotions is a nice twist, as well, and seems to set this story apart from most of the romances I've read on the site.

In terms of constructive criticism, I think the punctuation could still use some work. I also think that quite a few of your sentences might benefit from being trimmed down or split into a pair of shorter sentences at times, as a few of them went on a bit long for me Both of these issues could simply be personal preference, of course.

I made some notes as I read, though they're all quite minor, and could definitely be subjective. Please do disregard anything you disagree with.
CHAPTER 1:
- I felt like it should be “(It could) be a friend, or an enemy...” - the reversal from “It could” to “Could it” didn't quite work for me.
- “She whispered to herself as the hazy morning”... - I really like most of this sentence, but I didn't like how it ended. I would have preferred it to be more direct, like: “she whispered to herself as the hazy morning wind eased most of her frayed and frantic feelings away.”
- The sentence starting with “How the same routine is met with” - I didn't follow the logic here, as I wasn't sure what exactly was impossible and why it then wasn't impossible, and what made that not-impossible thing necessary. It seemed overly complex, and I would recommend either tweaking it or removing it entirely, but this could just be me.
- “it became(,) the rowdier the dance.”
- “(wandered) away from the music,”
- “(and shared) a long list of foster families between them”
- “grow and be themselves(.) Alex was less pressured” ?
- “felt like she could (breathe) her own air.”
- “her eyes (craving) some light.”
- I'd put in a period, then take out the comma after “kiss”: “He kissed her soft lips hard(.) The taste of him made her moan, but the relief that came with their kiss only added to the desperate need for more.”
- Very good ending to the chapter.
CHAPTER 2 -
- “winds of winter, (clashing) with the subtle” ?
- “in her ears(,) was heavy”
- I wouldn't have a comma here: “inside her, battled against”
- “top(,) which hung off one of her slender shoulders(,) (revealed) a deep,”
- “Connor(')s strong hand”
- I'd take out the comma in “for him, as it was for her.”
- “that was one hell of (a) walk.”
- “What's up(,) Alex?”
- “Alex's head snapped up(.) She felt like” ?
- “Connor(')s hand slipped from”
- I'd change this to: “Inside(,) Alex was bruised(.) What Connor said had shocked her(.) He knew”
- “After Jake went missing(,) I made”
- “Alex stepped back, (messing) with her hair to distract herself.”
- “The Army taught me a lot(.) It helped”
- “Connor(')s hand”
- “Actually(,) (M)um,” / “what my (m)other and (f)ather did” / “her (m)um” - when addressing a parent, Mum or Mother should be capitalized. When referring to them as my mum or my mother, it should be lower case.

Overall, despite some really minor quibbles, I've highly enjoyed reading this so far, and I think you've built a really engaging romance here.
High stars.

Mike
What, the Elf?
Arrival of the Ageless

Nothing set in stone
Emma,
This is a well-written and engaging read. The characters are interesting and the mystery-like pacing works well. However, it is missing one essential element which is a strong hook to carry me along. After having read the prologue and the first six chapters, I find very little that's driving me to read on. Fundamentally, the drive that Alex has to find the identity of the person in the picture has not been translated to me as a major concern that I should care about. In a sense, this is because I can't see any benefit to her finding the truth. Alex seems like the kind of person who is going to be a wreck no matter what. This means that I don't see any benefit to her quest. I don't see her life getting substantially better as a consequence.
And part of the issue is that it is not that bad. She has foster parents who love her, a devoted life-long friend who will eventually be her mate, a passionate lover and, what is perhaps most important, good taste in music. So this quest seems rather academic.
Another reason is that you have shown your cards in a sense, as it seems obvious that this man was responsible for the death of her biological parents. The question is what happened. I am not really sure how this ties me emotionally enough to follow the story along. And honestly, I do not feel compelled to read on.
This is really too bad, because your writing is strong and your characters are intriguing.
The good news is, if you're agree with me, I think that this is something that is relatively easy to fix. It means making the mystery more compelling. Her life needs to be more of a mess, It needs to be a little more evident that without finding out what happened to her parents her life would not be normal. This, to some extent, takes me to Sean. He is painted as the contrast to Connor. But he seems to be a really nice guy. In fact, I'm not sure that he's not marriage material. Choosing him is not the result of Alex' self destructive tendencies. It just makes her seem a bit self involved and makes Conner seem a bit pathetic.
On the other hand, I am not too convinced by the side story of Steph. She is presented as rather too sleazy to be taken seriously as a sympathetic character, and yet I almost feel that this is what you are trying to do with her.
This is sounding like a rather negative review and I do not want it to be. The writing flows well, character development is well done, and description is effective. It reads well and smoothly. I just want a stronger plot mechanism.
Best of luck with it.
Maeve.

This is such excellent writing, so heartfelt and emotional. Your writing flows so easily and your MC's voice is strong. Ive read the first three chapters twice. The first time i just read it through and didnt notice anything so i went back through just to double check and made a few notes(nit-picks really)

Chapt 1

- first off- i loved the intro. I was immediately absorbed into your world and smiled along with each scene.
- now she wanted to find out what happened (to) them.
- Sean? I would remove the question mark as the question seems refundant as she knows its Sean. I would just leave it as, "Sean."

Chapt 2

- Connor knew the feelings she provoked inside him, she was well aware of (should this be Alex knew the feelings...)
- that was one hell of (a) walk
- it was...(r)eal nice
- yes(,) Connor
- i would rearrange a sentence to be- she explained with confident defiance
- and she tried to relax her shoulders (something isnt right about this line, but im not sure what)
- Alex was so reli(e)ved
- by now, i wanted to understand and know more about Ales's ability.

Chapt 3

- great seeing you(,) Mac


Like i said these are tiny nit-picks which dont take away from the story in any way. Its well written, clear and highly polished.
Im going to keep on reading as i cant wait to find out what happens next.
Theres a space on my shelf for you in the next couple of days, without a doubt.

High stars, keep it up

Kind regards

Claire C Riley
Limerence

I like the plot a lot and I think it’s well suited to its target audience but I admit I skimmed a little on the first chapters, only because I got a lost intrinsic details of some characters I wasn’t yet invested in. As I continued to read and got pulled in by the chemistry between Alex and Connor and didn’t feel as bothered by the detail in the opening. I think it’s all excellent writing and very emotional but I wonder if it would works better re-arranged a little. Perhaps pull your readers in more first and then fill in necessary details?
I hope this doesn’t sound negative. It’s not intended to be. You write well and I enjoyed reading I just wanted less upfront if that makes any sense?

Best of luck you have a good story here.

Janny

One of the most powerful opening sentences I've read. Your prose is beautiful and evocative. Many times, when I'm doing a read on authonomy, I'm moving quickly, but your writing style forced me to slow down, to catch the nuances of your careful word selections. I didn't want to miss a thing. I wanted to savor.

This is not a rocket-fast narrative, so it will not appeal to everyone, but it is carefully crafted, full of feeling, and worth a read by those who can appreciate its subtlety and depth of emotion.

I'm truly touched by this story. Giving you top stars seems a trivial response to your tale. Let me just say thank you for writing it.

Mark
HELL'S SUPER

Club Nora Critique - Chapter 2

I came back for the second round of Club Nora. This story definitely caught my interest, and Alex's issues pulled me in. She's a very sensitive person who feels things deeply. Her friend Connor seems like a very nice guy, and his warning her about Phillip Barron was intriguing. The thought occurred to me - was Barron involved in some way with her parents' accident?

Also, the fact that Alex could not get over Sean shows she is not in control of her life. I wonder, though, if she were ever in trouble, which man would come to her aid? I would presume Connor, for she spent more time in the story with him than Sean...

Suggestions:
When Alex and Connor meet, their interaction is detailed at a very deep level, from what each other thinks about the other, particularly the way Connor describes her in his mind, which alerted me that something was going on between them. But this closeness was not continued afterwards when they spent time together. Alex didn't seem to relate to Connor as deeply. That was a little jarring to me. They are only intimate on a mental and emotional level? Therefore, I wonder if she is sold on Sean, why didn't more of Sean show up? More dialogue, more flashback? Just a thought...

Overall an enjoyable read. I am curious to see how this develops, especially with Alex finding out more about her real parents, and if she starts having feelings for Connor or not...

Best,
Patty

Club Nora review - chaptwer two:
The story now get more complex. I was a little confused between chaptes one and two - especially when Alex (supposedly) meets Conner at the wedding, and then suddenly we see Alex on a train or something - it jarred me and when she sees conner on the train, she acts like he wasn't at the wedding afterall - so it was wierd for me. Maybe that can be ironed out a bit.
The bar/restaurant scene between Alex and Conner was a good mixture of dialogue, inof and emotions - which I see as your greatest strength. The part about Conner's lost friend and Alex's true parents was interesting - almost like a detective story, more than a romance novel. I think the chapter would have ended better if you had stopped at the end of the evening and start a new chapter where Alex meets up with her step-parents and wants to know about her past. Might be better, (IMO).
All the best with this
Kirk

Club Nora round 2:
Hi Emma, I read through CH5. I really like the direction this story is going. I like the characters and the tension. You did a great job of making Barron instantly unlikable! There are a few things that I noticed that I wanted to mention. I noticed a few places where a name was possessive but there was no apostrophe: Connors should be Connor's. There was one place where you used to instead of too and collage instead of college. You use cause instead of because and I think that makes your characters sound younger than they are. The only other thing I thought stood out was in CH3 (posted CH4) 4 of the first 5 paragraphs start with Connor. A lot of the paragraphs in that chapter start with Connor. It makes the work sound repetitive. Just rewording the sentence so it starts with the action instead of the name would help, since the reader knows the chapter is about Connor already.
The story is really good and it is moving along at a nice pace, with Intrigue building.
I am looking forward to reading more.
Mindy
The Wishing Place
Glory

Club Nora Review Chapter two
Hello again Emma
Just reread te first three chapters to catch up and once again i loved the first chapter, it's raw emotional and pulls at the readers heartstrings. I thought that chapter two was in stark contrast with the first, the newly introduced charecters are purposefully unlikable and very shady. I can't wait to find out how these two unlikely groups merge. I was really looking forward to reading more about Alex, but i guess i;ll have to keep reading, nicely done:)
Abbie Wallace

Club Nora Review Chapter two
Hello again Emma
Just reread te first three chapters to catch up and once again i loved the first chapter, it's raw emotional and pulls at the readers heartstrings. I thought that chapter two was in stark contrast with the first, the newly introduced charecters are purposefully unlikable and very shady. I can't wait to find out how these two unlikely groups merge. I was really looking forward to reading more about Alex, but i guess i;ll have to keep reading, nicely done:)
Abbie Wallace

THis is impressive stuff - tough no-nonsense writing - but it also has a hook

The Alex character is very strong

Some of the descriptive passages are truly excellent and I loved this:

'Connor's head and heart swung in the direction Alex was still walking and he wondered if she could feel him from there'

Wow

Top marks

David

Hi Emma,

Power packed writing. Really!!! I sat spellbound while cruising through the rhythmic storyline. I have read first two chapters only. But would return soon and post more comments. 6/6 from my side for the thrill you filled in me in the first two chapters itself !!!

Regards
Liinsa Hines
Behind the Revolutions- Walk with a Soul

Club Agatha Critique: an absolutely fascinating MC! Powerfully written! I will read more when I have a chance. I'm adding Nothing Set In Stone to my watchlist. Congratulations on a beautiful job!
JagoBella

Club Nora - Nothing's Set in Stone by Emma Burge

I enjoyed your first chapter. I only noticed one misspelling: in paragraph four - "The B&B she'd booked for the night after todays wedding..." should be today's wedding. There was a lot of information given up front, which I've been guilty of doing, as well. I would've liked to have seen more dialogue, but it was still a good read and I enjoyed it. I wish you all the best, Emma.

♪ Nina ♪

Club Nora Critique:

I felt like there was a lot of telling in the beginning. Perhaps, for example, you could show us how Alex is "not good around people" by showing us how she interacts with people at the wedding. I think I found a typo, it should be double bass not double base. The first chapter ended with a great cliffhanger!

Eileen Sanchez
Craving the World

The writing is good. The first two sentences in the first two paragraphs seem to contradict the second paragraph in each. The story seems good and flows easy but has a lot of narrative, might do better with more dialogue (only read first chapter)

Good start.

Abby

Hi Emma,
This is a Club Nora review.
Good opening line in chapter one: "Life keeps us on our toes...coming from any direction...out of nowhere, everywhere." That's great to grab to reader from the vers start.
After todays wedding - should it not be todays' wedding?
I think I can relate to Alex's problem of loneliness - especially when one is single and goes to a wedding, (this was before I got married, of course).
Interesting suprise at the end of the chapter where Sean comes up to Alex, in the middle of her depression.
You know how to express emotions and moods very well - which make it great for womens' literature.
Had to back it.
All the best
Kirk "The Notorious Expat Wives"

Club Nora Critique of Chapter One
Emma: I enjoyed what I read in chapter one although clearly there is much more to the story to come! Here are some specific comments:
Opening - The opening is confusing and I’m not sure yet what is meant by everything particularly in the beginning. This adds suspense to a wedding scene that ensues drawing the reader onward into the second chapter.
Conflict - The conflict in the story, while mysterious, is already present in the first chapter.
Setting - We begin to get a glimpse of the setting in the first chapter.
Characters - We begin to get a glimpse of the main character Alex, her friend who got married, and her lover, Sean. The opening indicates something
Grammar and spelling 
Very clean. Some fragments poetically added in my opinion are fine.
Style - is clean, clear. The time frame jumps a little, but it is easy to follow.
Hook - Hook is enticing.
Setting - appropriate to the story; although I have never seen a couple dance on hay before, so I was wondering where exactly she was; in the country, I guess.
Conversation - Not much in first chapter, but realistic.
Technical - Did not see any issues.
The reader is definitely drawn in by this first chapter (as every good first chapter should do). Not all revealed, but enough to keep reader on the edge for more. We get some look at two relationships with the MC and I would certainly jump to the next chapter to read on!
Nicely done!
Christina


Hi Emma,

A Club Nora Chapter One Critique:

Overall:
- I'm intrigued by the idea of a romantic thriller, and am interested to see how you put it together.
- love the idea of an Empath main character. Tons of potential there for a flawed character turned hero.
- to me, writing style felt disjointed and difficult to follow from one idea to the next
- text felt heavy on the narrative

Plot/Pacing/Conflict:
- not sure piece starts in the right place. Until I got to the part about the newspaper picture, I kept waiting for the story to start. Consider starting there instead. Is the wedding scene necessary (since nothing happens anyway) or can she just be at a B&B exploring her options with Sean?
- opening paragraph felt preachy to me. Consider opening the story with your main character rather than speaking in generalities
- consider moving most, if not all, of the backstory to later chapters. For me, having it there disjoints the text and unnecessarily slows the pace.
- story problem, conflicts, and mood set ups are clear and well done; foreshadowing well placed. Reader is introduced to the thriller concept.
- not sure the romance aspect of the story was set up

Setting:
- for me, this story seems character driven, setting is nothing more than a back drop. Consider cutting any settings that do not forward the plot (like the wedding and taxi).
- I liked the walk as a setting. Alex strikes me as the type of person who walks to think. I especially liked that descriptions were minimal since the character wasn't really paying attention to her surroundings.

Character:
- tons of potential for Alex. Her actions (the walk to think) and reactions (emotion triggered by newspaper photo, mood change in reaction to Sean) tell me far more about her than all the "telling" narrative.
- Until Sean showed up (probably because of the backstory dump) I believed Alex was in a homosexual relationship. Not sure if that was your intention?
- would have liked more dialogue for character development
- is Sean the love interest in this story? If so, consider developing him more in the first chapter, perhaps through Emma's inner conflict of trying to choose between the two men?

Tons of potential here. Can't wait to see how it plays out.

Marcie

Club Nora Critique Chapter 1:

I enjoyed the beginning paragraphs. They read like a poem, philosophical and lyrical. It sets the stage. Good job on that.

The first chapter reads like a synopsis, as you describe Alex and the wedding, her friendship with Lucy, her background growing up in foster homes, etc. This could easily be split up into two chapters. Sean was intriguing, and I sensed the tension between the two of them. The question that popped up in my mind was - since they're so close (physically), then why didn't he come to the wedding?

Suggestion/Nitpicks:
I found several errors, which slowed me down, like missing question marks, commas, typos. I won't repeat what the previous comments have mentioned, just that Ch. 1 needs some editing.

Also, when you mention her taxi ride to the B&B, you say that the weather is warm and balmy, and then the next sentence begins with a cool breeze...

I also would have liked to get to know Alex better, maybe have some dialogue with her friend Lucy during the wedding? I liked when you said she felt everyone else's pain, feelings, etc. This showed up at the wedding, as she had nice feelings about it. Maybe embellish on that, add dialogue to support it, etc.

Overall a nice read. Good luck in your writing!

Best,
Patty Apostolides
"The Greek Maiden and the English Lord"

Club Agatha Review (ound Two)

Hi, Emma. It's been more than a month since I read chapter one for round one, but as soon as I started I remembered it vividly. The character of Alex is so arresting. I love the way you describe her physically -- she sounds so beautiful and ethereal, and her extreme empathy is such an interesting trait (also well described). I really feel the way the emotions overwhelm her and wash over her, and I can understand how painful it must be for her, when she interacts with people, to be so violently moved by other people's emotions.

The scene with Connor is so well done! I loved the push and pull of it. Then the phone call to her foster mother Sam -- these are very likeable characters, except for Phillip Barron, of course, who is mysterious and a little scary, and Sean, whose relationship with her I don't quite understand.

The only nits I would have are some plurals that have apostrophes that shouldn't be there:
A few low key enquiry’s – enquiries
Names of your parent’s – parents
Thinking of way’s to broach the subject – ways
Alex’s depression’s – Alex’s depressions
etc

But overall, it's a deeply engaging story, full of emotion and intensity and mystery. Very well done! EB

Club Nora Review Chapter One.

I love the little intro, the one thing that i picked up one was i think maybe you need some question marks in there as you are asking questions. And at the very end where you so a friend or an enemy, that flows a bit weird, what about friend or for?. But that's really just nit picking and other that that tiny tiny thing i loved your first chapter. You have a very descriptive style that had me wrapped up in Alex's head. Nice work.
Abbie

Club Agatha Review

This review might come over as a little negative, but that is not my intention at all. I think you might have something really good here, but it may need a bit of work on it to reveal the diamond that I think is lurking inside. You make a few mistakes with punctuation and sentence construction which means that I had to work out what you were trying to say in a lot of places. This interrupted the flow and made it a bit of a struggle to read. This is nothing disasterious and are easily fixed; it's just a case of knowing how to fix it.

First, commas. In a couple of places your meaning will come over better by adding some commas. In one place Connor says "I had to leave Alex" which literally means he was with Alex and had to leave her. I realise what you intended to say was "I had to leave, Alex" i.e. he's telling Alex that he had to leave. I realised this was what you meant the second time I read the sentence, but really I should not have had to read the sentence a second time.

There are some places where you use commas it's probably better to split the sentence into two shorter sentences. (This is a common error. It's called the "comma splice".) For example, in one place you say:

"The Austin's soon got used to Alex's ways, one particular memory popped up in Alex's mind, one that was painful but proved a huge step in their relationship."

I would write this as:

"The Austins' soon got used to Alex's ways. One particular memory popped up in Alex's mind, one that was painful but proved a huge step in their relationship."

Stopping and starting the sentence at "One" helps to keep the two ideas separate and makes for a more comfortable read.

Also, you make a couple of tiny errors with apostrophes. For a plural possessive, the apostrophe comes after the s. So (in the sentence above) the possessive of The Austins should be The Austins'. You also have "enquiry's" in one place which should be spelt "enquiries" and "parent's" which isn't used as a possessive so should be "parents" without the apostrophe.

(If you already know all this and these were genuine slips of the fingers then tell me to shut up. I won't be offended.)

I can tell from the other comments that have been made that other readers have not been too put off by any of these technical factors and have recognised the great story that's trying to get out. But at the moment it's a bit like a fuzzy photograph, and making these edits will help bring the story into focus; and, I promise you, an editor or an agent would certainly be more impressed if you get these technical details right.

(Incidently, I learned most of what I know about English grammar from reading novels by authors I respected and working out how they did things, and not from school at all.)

Having got that off my chest, I have to say that you have the makings of a thoughtful, character-driven story here. I can see the start of a mystery taking shape here (I'm already curious about Phillip Barron and wondering what part he's going to play). There is some great imagery, too, such as Alex forcing her way through the London crowds whilst listening to her music, or Lucy dancing at the wedding. Also, what comes over most of all is Alex's sadness (perhaps melancholy is a better word). A reader would have to have a heart of stone (no pun intended) not to empathise with her.

Good luck with "Nothing's Set in Stone".

Best wishes and good writing, John

I read up to chapter three, and I'll definitely come back to this. You have created some very solid characters - the villain PB, Alex and Connor had already drawn me in, then I was introduced to Steph, a beautiful, moralless schemer - they always make things interesting because you know they can switch sides depending on their own agenda. I enjoyed the beginning and the way Alex is introduced - so ordinary (friends/lover/wedding), but with a gift that makes her different and a great MC. The mystery was brought in with perfect timing, as we already knew a lot about Alex and her life. This was very easy to read and draws the reader in. So far we have a love triangle and a mystery. I hope we get to know Lucy at some point, best friends make the best characters sometimes.I hope you keep climbing up the ladder!
Lianne
Big Girl Lost

Club Agatha ch2 Critique,

Really enjoyed this chapter. The unfolding mystery starts to unfurl before our eyes as well as the complicated romance between Connor, Sean and Alex. It's a nice love triangle forming there. You really have a fine grasp of expressing emotion, it's beautifully written and realised. I'm also intrigued about Phillip Barron and his connection to Alex. He's a dark character, so I'm assuming there are some bad times ahead. It will be interesting to find out if Alex's empathy talent can flesh out his bad side. Look forward to reading on.
Gilly

Agatha Club:


This tugs at the heart-strings. You write age very well. Moist eyes aside, I read more than the chapters I needed to for the purposes of the forum thread.

I always comment on feel (unless the writing intrudes). here the feel and the flow of the story is natural. Story telling at its best. The intricate tale unfolds in an understated telling with monumental events handled in the same voice as the mundane. The marks on the table, the death of the parents. This makes the emotions shown all the stronger.

I truly had tears in my eyes at several points in the passages I read.

There are great moments throughout and this is a book I will read in full and it is already lingering in my mind. I like that of a book. It seldom happens.

An assured writer with a strong voice.

Cas

Club Nora Critique:

There is a lot to take in in the Prologue and chapter one. I thought the first two paragraphs of the prologue were quite profound. I reread them a couple of times.
Alex is a troubled girl but I felt empathy for her. You explain her state very well. Suspense is building nicely as Connor warns Alex off getting in touch with Phillip Barron. So we know he's going to be trouble. Great hook at the end of chapter one.
Script seems clean, didn't notice any typos.
High Stars, I wish you the best,
Olive.

Club Nora Critique

Ooooo....you have a way with words! The rich vocab you use really set me up for a nice, spicy romance.

Alex is a good strong character with plenty of skeletons in her closet to keep things interesting for the reader. I love the potential her empathy brings to the story. The tease with the man in the photograph sparks my curiosity.

After just the first chapter, I think this is the sort of book I would curl up with after my kids are sent of to grandma's. ;o)

The backstory is good, but I'm not sure I want so much of it in the first ch. Also, you tease us with a mention of a possible love interest with Connor ... but then this Sean fellow swoops down on her. It might be fun to let Connor show up in her thoughts later -after she goes home- or as a guilty afterthought to her tryst.

Anyway, after one chapter this seems to be shaping up to be a nice steamy romance!

April Gray
The Illusion

Hi Emma, I read chapter 4 (3 on here). Wow, at first i was turned off by all the romance stuff, but the story got interesting when I started to learn that she could feel other peoples feelings (trait of the El-aurians on Star Trek). This is well thought out, well executed and very entertaining, The first time romantyic characters have felt real for me. I did not a couple of nit piks: Collage is college, but they can be tided up with editing. Well Done

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock

Club Nora Critique

This is a good opening chapter with lots of tension and a good voice that speaks to the reader. Alex is a strong MC, very confused, very emotional, life has been hard for her and left its mark. She is complex and struggles to deal with elements of her difficult past.

The hook about the man in the photo is enough to make me want to read on.

I did feel there was an awful lot of backstory in the first chapter and the story would be better if you introduced some of it later on. At times if felt a bit like an information dump and it would be better to show the reader through the characters' actions rather than just tell.

You introduce Connor, Sean and Philip which is quite a lot for the reader to deal with. Maybe Connor could come in later as he just makes a fleeting appearance.

I would like to 'see' more of Alex's friendship with Lucy as well. Again you have tended to tell rather than show.

I think you have the basis of a great book here if you can tighten it up a bit. There are quite a few typos which may put some readers off (not me as I had bucketloads myself!) One of the best pieces of advice I got was to read my work aloud. It does seem to make it easier to pick up mistakes.

All the best with this and I'll keep it on my watchlist and come back to it later

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Hello , you have put in a great ending to the first chapter , which would certainly make anyone want to turn over to the next page. The rest of the chapter is written with considerable skill and invention and gives one a solid sense of the character. Watchlisted and starred. Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel ' A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon.

Hello , you have put in a great ending to the first chapter , which would certainly make anyone want to turn over to the next page. The rest of the chapter is written with considerable skill and invention and gives one a solid sense of the character. Watchlisted and starred. Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel ' A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon.

Hello , you have put in a great ending to the first chapter , which would certainly make anyone want to turn over to the next page. The rest of the chapter is written with considerable skill and invention and gives one a solid sense of the character. Watchlisted and starred. Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel ' A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon.

CLub Nora Critique
The opening chapter was extremely satisfying, very intriguing and made me want to read more.
I felt a little confused at times though during the prologue and chapter 1 with the characters and flitting between past and present thoughts. Although continuing onto chapter 2, I started to settle into your style of writing and began to enjoy the story, so maybe its just me!
The plot is gripping, I'm interested to know what happens with Sean and Conner. The dialogue is minimal but suits the point of view the story is written. I think its too soon to comment further without reading more chapters. But overall an enjoyable read

Club Nora Critique-

This as a first opening chapter is very polished. I forgot why I loved reading Romance novels so much until I read this.

You have a very emotive character. Alex's head is swarming from thoughts from how she can read others emotions and it leaves her almost crippled at times to her dead parents to a man named Phillip which I think you could either add a little bit more about or leave him out before you cut to Sean her lover I am guessing.

You also mention Conner, the man who made her move to her location she is in now.

Adding all the extra back story in is like a blur within this first chapter. The reader gets alot, maybe in my opinion too much.

I think you can extend on each subject as a latter in your story. But for now we as the readers would like to be focused on one of the three men she set in her head out for us. Or more of why she has these feelings that she gets when reading others emotions. I would really like to know how she is able to feel such things from other people

I really do like the suprise scene between her and Sean though, very sexy and it really is a suprise for the reader too.

Best of luck,

-Elora

Club Nora Critique:
Hi Emma,
I just read your 1st chapter, and I just want to say that I find it very hard to do a critique of a single chapter - I don't feel like I have enough information to give valuable input. I love where your story is going, I really like the premise here. This is the sort of book I would pick up and read on my day off.
That being said, I thought you told a bit too much instead of letting the action dictate some of the paragraphs. (For instance the paragraph that sarts with Alex thought about the last couple days... could be re worded to make it more action driven - The last couple days weighed heavy on Alex. Her mind was consumed with an image in the newspaper....)
I am also going to mention a pet peeve of mine - I noticed that you change tense within your paragraphs. It is particularly noticable in para 3 and para 4. I am not sure if it is deliberate, but it's a bit distracting.
There was one sentence in there that sort of caught me off guard - in para 4 there is a sentence that starts with 'Sometimes it is enough to kill her...' I think that might be a bit too strongly worded.

Anyway, please take this critique with a grain of salt! I like the direction you are going very much. I think the pace is good and the writing fits the mood of the story. I am looking forward to reading more!
Mindy
The Wishing Place