Fear and Greed

Milt, I think the first chapter is excellent. The start is great, connecting a reader with a good sense of setting. Wonderful descriptions with vivid imagery. The intro of your characters is super, as well. Although I read only one chapter, I read every word, and it's impeccable. Good flow. Great pace. Good character development, you gave each distinct voices and characteristics. I thought it was interesting and captivating. Will be back to read on :) High stars from me.
Donna
No Kiss Good-bye

First, just one thing I noticed:
“what about the other guy? Parker,” Dave asked. …reads a bit weird I would suggest “What about the other guy, Parker?” Dave asked.

Honestly, other than that, what I’ve read has been wonderful. Your descriptions are on point and your storyline is gripping right from the start. Shelved and highly rated!

Brittany E.
Melaney and the Mirror

Thank you so much, Brittany!

First, just one thing I noticed:
“what about the other guy? Parker,” Dave asked. …reads a bit weird I would suggest “What about the other guy, Parker?” Dave asked.

Honestly, other than that, what I’ve read has been wonderful. Your descriptions are on point and your storyline is gripping right from the start. Shelved and highly rated!

Brittany E.
Melaney and the Mirror

I'm a big fan of detective stories and this is written as well as any I've ever read. You are a professional writer - and I realized that as soon as I started reading your book: "Valley opens it robe to the curious and the converted." You certainly do not need any suggestions from me (nor from anyone else - as far as I'm concerned.) The story of Dave becoming a cop, with flashbacks to earlier school bullying, the love story between Dave and Lori, the delightful early episode with Mrs. Gimble and the sensor device, Chief Kurt Henry, Dave's uncle: all are delightful, captivating. You do a wonderful job of character development, providing local color ("yas" and "youse") and imagery, marvelous dialogue - so natural, never forced nor artificial, and, of course, plot development - I like the unexpected turn. Marvelous ending with Dave (alive - in ch. 14 I was afraid he'd died) and Lori, the B&B in Cantabria, Madrid, and the St. Bernard. Oh, and I felt personal delight at what Dave did with Marv and Walter. Excellent book - this should have already been published!

Pat, thank you so much for your comments - I am humbled and inspired by your review! You have truly made my day! Thanks again! I look forward to dive into your manuscript.

I'm a big fan of detective stories and this is written as well as any I've ever read. You are a professional writer - and I realized that as soon as I started reading your book: "Valley opens it robe to the curious and the converted." You certainly do not need any suggestions from me (nor from anyone else - as far as I'm concerned.) The story of Dave becoming a cop, with flashbacks to earlier school bullying, the love story between Dave and Lori, the delightful early episode with Mrs. Gimble and the sensor device, Chief Kurt Henry, Dave's uncle: all are delightful, captivating. You do a wonderful job of character development, providing local color ("yas" and "youse") and imagery, marvelous dialogue - so natural, never forced nor artificial, and, of course, plot development - I like the unexpected turn. Marvelous ending with Dave (alive - in ch. 14 I was afraid he'd died) and Lori, the B&B in Cantabria, Madrid, and the St. Bernard. Oh, and I felt personal delight at what Dave did with Marv and Walter. Excellent book - this should have already been published!

FEAR AND GREED
This is a book with all the right ingredients for success: a mystery with fear and greed on top of that. For some reason the prologue wouldn’t download for me so I had to start reading at chapter 2 where Dave is introduced. He’s a good main character; likable because of the easy relationship he has with George; sympathetic because of all the problems he has. The conversation with George was a good way to introduce those rather than just having him think out loud about them. This way the scene says a lot about the way he’s still bitter but is trying to move on. But then I think dialogue is your strength; it’s clear and crisp; keeps things moving in your story. Overall, a good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Thanks so much for backing Fear and Greed! I will check out your book!

FEAR AND GREED
This is a book with all the right ingredients for success: a mystery with fear and greed on top of that. For some reason the prologue wouldn’t download for me so I had to start reading at chapter 2 where Dave is introduced. He’s a good main character; likable because of the easy relationship he has with George; sympathetic because of all the problems he has. The conversation with George was a good way to introduce those rather than just having him think out loud about them. This way the scene says a lot about the way he’s still bitter but is trying to move on. But then I think dialogue is your strength; it’s clear and crisp; keeps things moving in your story. Overall, a good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

I ma rating this seven stars.

Isoje David

Thank you so much!!!

I ma rating this seven stars.

Isoje David

This is a most readable work by an accomplished author. It is particularly compelling because the writer has pitched his book towards a universal readership and not confined his outreach to an exclusively "american" sphere. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I am not qualified to comment with any depth or confidence on the suspense genre but was sufficiently engaged by - Fear And Greed - and anticipate buying the book when it comes on the market. Best of luck. Tony Brady. SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Hi Milt,
I just enjoyed reading the first two chapters of "Fear and Greed." The pacing is good, and the description of the various locales is excellent, particularly when we get to Pennsylvania where you provide a rich account of the area's history. The character development is excellent as well, for example, Chief Henry with his personal history. You also provided through your main character's POV very lifelike use of the senses. Too many authors only describe what a character sees--in your story, Dave smells the dancer's hair ("intoxicated by the scene of her hair spilling in his face"), and he notes the smell of human activity in the former mining town, etc.
Dave says his ex-wife "go(es) down on my credit card" -- funny line.
Some suggestions:
I didn't buy the "I'm through" line in the prologue. Perhaps, "f'cking finally" or just "Finally" might work better/seem more natural?
In some places you use a hypnen where a long dash should be used. For example, in the prologue "work out a solution-" The long dash is longer than the hyphen and used for just such an occasion. This common punctuation gaffe appears several times.
"What about Mike Junior" should probably be end-punctuated with a question mark.
"What ever" should be one word the way you use it a few times.
Check point or check-point? You spell it two different ways. Also, check to see if it should be one word, with no hyphen.
"Over head" should probably be one word.
Just curious as to what year the Chapter 1 Pennsylvania scene is. If Vietnam vet Chief Henry is in his late forties that would make it around the the late 90s. Is that correct? Just checking.
Was Lorena Bobbit Italian? She was born in Ecuador. If your characters are just clowning around, this is fine. Just checking.
Very good job. Highly starred.
Dean Lombardo

Thanks for the great input!

Hi Milt,
I just enjoyed reading the first two chapters of "Fear and Greed." The pacing is good, and the description of the various locales is excellent, particularly when we get to Pennsylvania where you provide a rich account of the area's history. The character development is excellent as well, for example, Chief Henry with his personal history. You also provided through your main character's POV very lifelike use of the senses. Too many authors only describe what a character sees--in your story, Dave smells the dancer's hair ("intoxicated by the scene of her hair spilling in his face"), and he notes the smell of human activity in the former mining town, etc.
Dave says his ex-wife "go(es) down on my credit card" -- funny line.
Some suggestions:
I didn't buy the "I'm through" line in the prologue. Perhaps, "f'cking finally" or just "Finally" might work better/seem more natural?
In some places you use a hypnen where a long dash should be used. For example, in the prologue "work out a solution-" The long dash is longer than the hyphen and used for just such an occasion. This common punctuation gaffe appears several times.
"What about Mike Junior" should probably be end-punctuated with a question mark.
"What ever" should be one word the way you use it a few times.
Check point or check-point? You spell it two different ways. Also, check to see if it should be one word, with no hyphen.
"Over head" should probably be one word.
Just curious as to what year the Chapter 1 Pennsylvania scene is. If Vietnam vet Chief Henry is in his late forties that would make it around the the late 90s. Is that correct? Just checking.
Was Lorena Bobbit Italian? She was born in Ecuador. If your characters are just clowning around, this is fine. Just checking.
Very good job. Highly starred.
Dean Lombardo

Hi Milt,
Thanks for bringing your book to my attention. I have read through the first 7 chapters. You have a great writing style using very descriptive and realistic, believable dialogue amongst your characters. Each chapter intrigues me to read on for moire information regarding the plot. I love Pete and all of his spiritual insights. The side story of Amanda is fun as the reader wants Dave to get sweet revenge. I am waiting for the twist with Uncle Tony to reveal itself. A good suspenseful thriller and of course romantic as we feel a sweet relationship coming on with Lori as she awaits to be rescued by her night in shinning armor! And of course there is Dave(you've created to be quite human as we have all been down and out on our luck at times) who we are all rooting for! Very enjoyable read! If you have the time maybe you could look at my story "Agent H", Hope for Hadley, A true story of my daughter's autism. Its honest, educational, spiritual and down right funny at times. Good luck to you
Mary ann

Mary ann: Thanks for the positive feedback and for reading "Fear and Greed"! I will definitely read Agent H!
Thanks again!
Milt

Hi Milt,
Thanks for bringing your book to my attention. I have read through the first 7 chapters. You have a great writing style using very descriptive and realistic, believable dialogue amongst your characters. Each chapter intrigues me to read on for moire information regarding the plot. I love Pete and all of his spiritual insights. The side story of Amanda is fun as the reader wants Dave to get sweet revenge. I am waiting for the twist with Uncle Tony to reveal itself. A good suspenseful thriller and of course romantic as we feel a sweet relationship coming on with Lori as she awaits to be rescued by her night in shinning armor! And of course there is Dave(you've created to be quite human as we have all been down and out on our luck at times) who we are all rooting for! Very enjoyable read! If you have the time maybe you could look at my story "Agent H", Hope for Hadley, A true story of my daughter's autism. Its honest, educational, spiritual and down right funny at times. Good luck to you
Mary ann

Only read the first chapter and thought it was amazing! Well done :)

I have now posted the complete manuscript. I hope you will read it and enjoy!

Your book shows great writing skill, in my opinion. I like flawed heroes like Dave and am especially impressed by your locale descriptions and dialog. five stars. backing.

I have now posted the complete manuscript. I hope you will read it and enjoy!

Your book title led me to check out your book. I started with your prologue, which is the only marked heading. That made reading confusing. You may want to mark all your chapters if its not just one long prologue

I have now posted the complete manuscript. I hope you will read it and enjoy!

Only read the first chapter and thought it was amazing! Well done :)

Thanks so much!

Only read the first chapter and thought it was amazing! Well done :)

Your book shows great writing skill, in my opinion. I like flawed heroes like Dave and am especially impressed by your locale descriptions and dialog. five stars. backing.

Thank you very much!!!

Your book shows great writing skill, in my opinion. I like flawed heroes like Dave and am especially impressed by your locale descriptions and dialog. five stars. backing.

Hey, this is a damned good read....I loved it right from the start.
From a writer across the pond this was a change to read transaltantic dialogue which reminded me so much of the 'Michael Connelly' books I read to date 'in order'...
Great character development, brilliant interplay between the main players ..I love dialogue in between narrative....and this hit the mark spot on...
Highly rated / starred from this reader....well done
David

Thanks for the great feedback!!!

Hey, this is a damned good read....I loved it right from the start.
From a writer across the pond this was a change to read transaltantic dialogue which reminded me so much of the 'Michael Connelly' books I read to date 'in order'...
Great character development, brilliant interplay between the main players ..I love dialogue in between narrative....and this hit the mark spot on...
Highly rated / starred from this reader....well done
David

This story is actually better than the first paragraph. Personally, I feel you should re-write the first piece I did not think was written as well as the rest of the is chapter. for me, you sometimes use too many adjectives and can an old car really be venerable?
That said, this is a crisp, intelligent tale that grabs hold straight away. The dialogue is convincing and sounds authentic. I think this book will do well on authonomy and until I have read more I will give a fist full of stars and put you on my watch list. Good luck

regards

Cyrus

Your book title led me to check out your book. I started with your prologue, which is the only marked heading. That made reading confusing. You may want to mark all your chapters if its not just one long prologue

Thanks! I have been having trouble uploading the Prologue, but I apprecaite the tip!

Your book title led me to check out your book. I started with your prologue, which is the only marked heading. That made reading confusing. You may want to mark all your chapters if its not just one long prologue