Fox Pop London

Fox Pop London is a pleasantly enjoyable read. But make no mistake, author Juliet Blaxland has cleverly hidden a strong political satire within the narrative. Someone with no political savvy, say a child, would enjoy the book without getting the higher references, while adults will be able to enjoy the story on multiple levels.

Some of the characters almost seem a bit too exaggerated, until one realizes that is the point. Fox Pop London is like the literary equivalent of a very good political cartoon, and Blaxland handles its creation with true professionalism. No position within the government seems safe from ridicule as they fight the war against the foxes. That the whole scenario is absurd is evident to nobody but the readers, and is a source of endless joy and for them.

I’ve never run across a book quite like Fox Pop London. I would put it in the same category of something like Joseph Heller’s Catch-22, with potentially the same power to illuminate a broken system and entertain at the same time. It deserves to be published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

You live up to your forum presence. This does not disappoint, it is utter madness couched in extreme cleverness (or should that be the other way around?). Whatever. I'm impressed, entertained and overawed. Your talent is measured and well contained, otherwise I don't think any of us would get it! For some reason I'm reminded of Spike Milligan - I think your humour echoes his strongly.

I was in fits reading C1, the PM's speech just perfect. In C5 the name sequence was extremely funny and the whole business rounded off with the description of the 'chateau s'eau de strime' - priceless!

I'm envious of your talent. Highly starred and on my 'to shelve' list.

Mick

P. G. Wodehouse and Tom Sharpe are enjoying a lunchtime bottle of dregs of claret in the Drones club and bemoaning the parlous state of modern-day Britain. Comfortable in their convivial surroundings, they were united in their condemnation of the humourless, nanny state, health-and-safety-conscious, mean-spirited oppression of anything that might pass for devil-may-care fun these days.

‘It’s alright for you,’ Sharpe says, ‘you’re dead.’

‘Thank you for reminding me, old chap,’ Wodehouse retorts, ‘but I see you’ve escaped to Spain.’

‘We should do something, Pelham,’ Sharpe says, ignoring the jibe. ‘Someone has to alleviate the daily misery of the proles.’

‘I like it, Thomas, old boy. You could do the satire and I’ll do the upper-class buffoonery.’

‘I’m game, Pelham, but we’re both out of the picture now. We need a fixer.’

‘Sadly, Jeeves is no longer with us, but I do know someone who could help – great fan of mine. We could channel it through her.’

Thanks for the laughs, Juliet. They found the right person.
Backed with a garland of stars.

Mike
(Milk and More)

Another gem from you, Juliet. I loved Crumbling Country but I love this wacky, clever tale even more. So much political and social commentary disguised among the comedy. It is very English, totally daft but so entertaining. I have no idea where it's going but I shall be back to follow its journey. Six stars without a second thought.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Time constraints stop me from reading beyond the first four chapters for the time being, but I have to say, this is a rollickingly silly and eccentric piece of quintessentially English comedy told through a unique, intelligent and daft voice. I take my hat off to you, Juliet - this is staggeringly original and enjoyable. I can just imagine Hugh Grant playing the LibDem PM in a maelstrom of dithering pauses and fluttering eyelids.

Quite fabulous stuff.

Juliet. Stark below hits the nail on the head. You have hidden all the politics that would have to go with this book so well. That in itself is very clever. Good use of the characters and appealing to readers looking for this genre. It was an interesting read and although I could walk away from it, I was very interested in the story. Well done.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Hi Juliet. I've read chapters 1-6 and find myself reaching for a thesaurus in order to find some synonyms for "wit" and "satire."

This is delightfully witty and really well paced. I have to admit I'm not a huge fan of the italicised description passage but you make the style work well. There are elemebts of Pratchett and Woodhouse in your prose and the narration is brilliant!

One thing I would say (and the only thing I could say) is that I think you may need to take a look at the speech marks in chapter three. Sometimes they were in place, sometimes they weren't, and as such I had to read closely towed when Azalea and when Tatty were speaking.

But this was brilliant and I look forward to reading more later

What a marvelous foxy read!
Kill or cull is the choice for a foxpert.
London's foxes are cunning breed
Their fate is at stake, as a concept...

They will live or will not - that's the question.
Should meat-eaters be eaten like sheep
Or we've gone very far and too deep?
Dear Juliet, I haven't suggestions...

Val But
Escape

Read three chapters so far. This is funny, delightful and very clever. Full of lovely phrases
A twinkle in its London Eye
Defoxification
'Is your wife a goer?'
Utterly Butterly.

I love the names of the characters and the way Aunt Azza bellows at everyone. I've met people like her. I would pick this up in a bookshop like a shot. Very good writing. I'll read more soon. This is one of the most enjoyable books I've come across on this site.

Wayhay! A gallop through the current idiocy of politics with a 'Beachcomber meets P.G. Wodehouse' panache... I've read five and will be back for more. Highly starred and will watch your future with interest - Fan K

Badgers and foxes don’t get on as you know but I was drawn in by the cover and found I was trapped and couldn’t escape. Snared you might say. Makes funny and clever reading.
Lloyd

Very different, very quirky and very funny. High stars!!!! Love Bohemian Rhapsody :)

Wow. This one's stumped me how to comment in the usual way.
A fantastic work of British humour at it's best.
It is so fast and punchy with great descriptions, even if the words are made up, that make more sense than a lot of real words that I don't understand the meaning of.
It's very hard to read and sing along to Bohemian Rhapsody at the same time. I tried it with that chapter, but gave up with the other tunes.
Feral kept bugging me, because I thought it refers to domesticated animals that have turned wild rather than the other way round. I don't care though; I had to keep reading.
Hell only knows what goes on in your head when you write. It is mental genius.
I did feel that there was a much deeper message that I hadn't clocked completely while reading, as it was a manic read. I feel it'll be something that I dwell on in my sleep tonight and have a Eureka moment.
This is one of the most enjoyable and surprising reads I've found on this site.
I can't see why you haven't been snapped up by someone if the is a reflection on your work.
Jes.

Brilliant book, Juliet. Just brilliant. If your audience laughs as loud as I did, its no wonder this book is doing so well. Foxes in the city and a pile of snobs. Just up my alley!! It reminds me of Yes Minister only far superior if that's even possible.

I hope Fox (no pun intended) will consider making this the movie of the year. Its too good to miss.

On w/l and will be backing when shelf space clears. CMT Stibbe - Snare of the Fowler.

Satire at its best. Deliciously ironical and delightfully eccentric. 'Fox Pop London' gets off to a jovial canter and doesn't let up with its wacky wit or its incisive politics. A brilliant central premise... love it!

Great start. I like the humour and the undertones. Will read on and comment again.

Juliet,
This is really interesting. First of all are there really foxes in the city? Or is this a totally political theme? Maybe both?
I am from over the pond so our foxes are rarely seen in the city.
If so, then because I love animals I want to know what species of fox, as well as how big or small, color...
If this is totally political it will be really hard for me to get that part, but I am sure your satire is enjoyable for those who get it.
Blessings Roslyn
"I Am" Through the Ages

I laughed out loud. You have a visual style that fits the humour perfectly. There is a script in here if ever I’ve seen one packed with satire aplenty and a whole bunch of silly characters thrown in for good measure. I like the PM’s wife - hugely enjoyable snobs througout. I can see this being published and I can also see it making it onto screen.
‘Defoxification’ genius

Tornbridge
The Washington Adventure

I love your writing and this made me laugh out loud (which is very VERY rare). I don't have any useful crit for you cos, truthfully, I don't think you need it. You know just what you're doing, have everything under control and so I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.
Starring fulsomely and on my 'to back' list. Go Renard! Faster foxy, kill, kill! :)

Hi Juliet,

Thank you for presenting us with a 'satirical feast'. This one would surely hit at the right spot on the 'humanly animals' when published. I wish the publishers to take a serious note on your work and publish it without any afterthought (may be some editing required, but I do not know whether it is required really!!). This one would surely make the people laugh and at the same think!

Regards
Liinsa Hines
Behind the Revolutions- Walk with a Soul

Lunch Time Claret Dregs... My favourite scene. Your whole vocabulary and the story the words have been set in, are like a robust mouthful, spicy, to widen your eyes, fruity, to place a smile firmly on your face, a flavour, quite unlike another. The more i read the more my mouth felt like it wanted to speak with an incredibly posh yet derisive drawl. The names and the descriptions are rich and fantastic. Very clever, wonderfully written.
All the best, Emma

Hello, Juliet
Lots of witty word-play which really lifts the book out of the ordinary.
Also noticed alliteration which is nice to read.
Also enjoyed the acronyms sprinkled throughout.
This would make a good play or TV show as the language is wasted on paper alone; it needs to be heard.
It also put me in mind of Monty Python who would put subjects in unusual settings to make a point as well as humour.
(Just one word alteration, “Did you here (hear) that, Tatty?”)
The characters and locations are drawn subtly with just enough detail so that the reader can fill in parts themselves, which is what they like to do.
It is great to read a story that fair trots along. I did not feel there were any wasted lines or over-writing which often occurs on the site (!).
I am very fond of wordplay myself so I enjoyed this read very much.
We need more funny books like this.
Best of luck.
Jane Mauret
Muslims and Me in Maldives

Foxy goodness in a nice toddy pie poppin’ with sheep—I mean foxy—goodness. No faffing about, I like that in a book. There is probably a load of higher political references hidden in the narrative, chomping away at the political system with their varmint canines, but they went over me ‘ed. Just content enough to laugh at foxes and illuminating solar beams and what have you.

hello
i was expecting you to read my book, leave a comment, and stars rating, like i have done to your book.
thanks

i love to read book that seems to sound like mine. political books are well welcome into the heart of men who know the truth. i would love to read more. i would love to rate yo six stars.

Wonderfully satirical and inventive. This lampoons the pretensions and foibles of a certain class with savage brilliance.
Just a couple of small points. If this is supposed to be contemporary, then 'flashbulbs' are no longer in use and certainly no longer 'pop.' Chapter 1
I also found the very large spaces between paragraphs to be disconcerting and for me, interrupted the flow of the narrative.
These are very minor points and do not in anyway detract from the talent clearly displayed here.
Having read the first four chapters I understand why you made the point about 'hunting' when you commented on Layla Moon. But in my story, Mary is American and most certainly would have described her previous experiences of shooting prey in Texas as 'hunting.'
Good luck with this, it deserves a wide readership.

Outstanding writing, this is the first piece I have read from you and I hope to read many more.
Something very different than I am use to reading
Well done

Well, it's different and its funny. Wasn't sure at the opening if it was a play. I should have read more of the pitch. But no matter what else it is, it is certainly enjoyable. "The Fox" captialized for their importance, running wild. I like that, even if tht fastidious President doesn't. Bravo!

Many stars for you!

Abby

FOX POP LONDON
This book is a wonderful read. The whole idea (London overrun by foxes) creates not only an amusing story but also a mockery of how we handle social problems these days. The dialogue is a big strength; always crisp and brief and filled with odd turns such as, “Mmmm …” Trout thought thoughtfully” or new words such as “foxperts”. Your characters are a second strength; all unique and instantly likable. I wondered while I was reading this, why don’t we eat foxes, so stopped to Google that and find out (doesn’t taste all that good). A great read, I’m starring this and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hello Juliet -

book- Fox pop London-

read some chapters and scanned many more-
What a brilliantly and entertaining read it is- satire at it very best-

And all those wonderful names- and that line - 'Utterly bloody butterly '
just magic !!!

lovely readable short chapters- that make the pages almost turn themselves as one reads-

Just the read to banish the blues--

good luck and I have no doubt Juliet that this book will be a success-

tom bye
-book-from hugs to kisses-

You live up to your forum presence. This does not disappoint, it is utter madness couched in extreme cleverness (or should that be the other way around?). Whatever. I'm impressed, entertained and overawed. Your talent is measured and well contained, otherwise I don't think any of us would get it! For some reason I'm reminded of Spike Milligan - I think your humour echoes his strongly.

I was in fits reading C1, the PM's speech just perfect. In C5 the name sequence was extremely funny and the whole business rounded off with the description of the 'chateau s'eau de strime' - priceless!

I'm envious of your talent. Highly starred and on my 'to shelve' list.

Mick

Cheers Juliet .. I once saw a fox about 100 yards from the bank of England one Nov night at about 7.30 .. our eyes met and I swear he thought, 'Yeah, what of it mate?' I just KNOW he was dissing me as I strolled through HIS territory on my way home.

I am mostly flogging my guts out (and not many copies of Swifts - as yet) on amazon.co.uk

Are you on Kindle?

Fox Pop London is a pleasantly enjoyable read. But make no mistake, author Juliet Blaxland has cleverly hidden a strong political satire within the narrative. Someone with no political savvy, say a child, would enjoy the book without getting the higher references, while adults will be able to enjoy the story on multiple levels.

Some of the characters almost seem a bit too exaggerated, until one realizes that is the point. Fox Pop London is like the literary equivalent of a very good political cartoon, and Blaxland handles its creation with true professionalism. No position within the government seems safe from ridicule as they fight the war against the foxes. That the whole scenario is absurd is evident to nobody but the readers, and is a source of endless joy and for them.

I’ve never run across a book quite like Fox Pop London. I would put it in the same category of something like Joseph Heller’s Catch-22, with potentially the same power to illuminate a broken system and entertain at the same time. It deserves to be published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Hi Juliet, Great title and greater use of your creative, unique style. I've never read anything so whacky, yet smooth, so funny and rythmic. The plays on words are a laugh-a-line and delightful. Who thinks of this stuff? Your quick gliding whit seems so natural, as if you speak like this in person. The characters are all cleverly devised and very likable. I have only read several chapters (I'm a slow reader), but will keep on my WL so I can get back to it from time to time. It is that enjoyable. You can teach me a thing or two!!
A 6 star wonder-what will happen next?
The pleasure was all mine.
Chris / A SPICY HURRICANE

I can honestly say I have never read anything like this before. I looked at the pitch and wasn't sure this would be my thing but I decided to take the plunge. The characters are so wonderfully eccentric and larger than life or maybe not - maybe this is how they really are. I would have thought a novel based around foxes would be quite boring but your style of writing and the wacky humour you inject keeps it entertaining. This would look great on the screen after all the word eccentric was made for the English upper class. I am so glad my mum threw away her fox fur stole. I could never have looked it in the eye after reading this. Well done and good luck with this.

Karen (Pain)

Juliet,
You have a penchant for alliteration, twist of phrase and wordplay in general. I especially like "casting a cracking, rumbling story-board full of thunderbolts and lightning." Also up there on my list is "policepeople patrolling about, within their chequered cars and careers." Your short paragraphs with ample white spacing make for snapshots and brisk pacing, giving the book a manic feel. The idea of fox and chips to cull the fox population does have a unique appeal worth looking into. Thank you so much for the dizzying read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Hi Juliet, I read chapter 8. I would like to come back to read more but I found the story unique and I liked your references to modern media like 'twitting'. Good Luck with the book.
Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks
Tide and Time: At The Rock

Dear Juliet,

I was expecting something top drawer from the person who had shown such natural taste and discernment as to put my book on her shelf, and I wasn’t disappointed.

To me, the joy of writers such as Waugh, Wodehouse, Nancy Mitford & Stella Gibbons is the creation of a world where everything slants towards the ridiculous and no one seems to notice - and this is also true of Fox Pop London.

Several things in the first chapters made me snigger to myself, notably: TwitTwoo and ‘Does your family have a tradition of naming children after the news’.

I do think you need to take pity on the poor reader though, perhaps settling down with their lunchtime claret dregs, as there is so much packed in that we’re left scrabbling to keep up at times. The text is so rich with puns, clever names and double-entendres that it slows the speed at which you can take in the story. My thought would be if you took some of them out then, to nick one of your phrases, the remaining champagne ‘boules’ would have more room to fizz.

It’s on my shelf with a full complement of stars.

Thanks
Emma

P. G. Wodehouse and Tom Sharpe are enjoying a lunchtime bottle of dregs of claret in the Drones club and bemoaning the parlous state of modern-day Britain. Comfortable in their convivial surroundings, they were united in their condemnation of the humourless, nanny state, health-and-safety-conscious, mean-spirited oppression of anything that might pass for devil-may-care fun these days.

‘It’s alright for you,’ Sharpe says, ‘you’re dead.’

‘Thank you for reminding me, old chap,’ Wodehouse retorts, ‘but I see you’ve escaped to Spain.’

‘We should do something, Pelham,’ Sharpe says, ignoring the jibe. ‘Someone has to alleviate the daily misery of the proles.’

‘I like it, Thomas, old boy. You could do the satire and I’ll do the upper-class buffoonery.’

‘I’m game, Pelham, but we’re both out of the picture now. We need a fixer.’

‘Sadly, Jeeves is no longer with us, but I do know someone who could help – great fan of mine. We could channel it through her.’

Thanks for the laughs, Juliet. They found the right person.
Backed with a garland of stars.

Mike
(Milk and More)

Hugely entertaining romp so far (end of chapter 5) with lots of delightful word-play and clever wit. I thought it was an extremely well written and originally styled piece. My only suggestion would be that although the chapters flow by, with lots of enjoyable new characters being introduced, I'm not sure the plot develops quite as quickly. With the beginning of each new chapter I find myself willing it to really get going. Having said that, the quality of writing means that once I'm into them I begin to wonder whether that really matters.
The only other maybe helpful note I can think of, and it is quite personal, is that occasionally your real virtuosity with comic dialogue maybe tempts you to slightly over-write. The fun name exchange between Dianne and Azalea in 5 struck me as a bit like that - I wonder if it might not be more punchy if it was slightly tighter. However, as with so many comments on Authonomy, this sort of thing is so completely subjective that personally I think you're best to ignore just one person's opinion unless it comes up again from someone else.
Highly starred from me

Hi there, Juliet,

This is a whole lot of fun. I really enjoyed a lot of the over the top humour and almost universally unappealing but likeable characters. Your use of language is exceptional and the use of repetition and slight manipulation for humorous ends works extremely well.

This is definitely some of the best quality writing I've seen on Authonomy. Despite it's light tone and quirky premise, this is expertly written and deserves a lot of attention.

I noted down some small errors but they are all very picky and insignificant (these are all in the first four chapters)

some rural, sunlit upland
-picky I know but – comma

It is with regret that I have to announce,
-again, sorry, hate to be picky (ok, no, I love it) but you normally put speech marks at the beginning of a new paragraph within dialogue.

Initial Op FOX POP vox pop
-very funny – as is SCRUFFS

Dumped foxes
-do you mean dump foxes? That live on a dump, don’t really understand


Mmmm... thought Trout, thoughtfully.
-very funny

its rays from the far-off universe
-made me think at first that you mean it was coming from a different universe

“I once cut gutted a salmon
-is cut gutting something people do? Not just gutting?

Yes, of course I know THAT the State Visit of the PRESIDENT’S next week.
-runs more smoothly

Looks about sixteen but is, in fact, a very clever vet
-I suppose they’re optional in this case but, commas

I bet you a sack of dog biscuits that we can sell a Todburger or a Hot Dog-fox, to a member of the SCRUFFs, after all most of them are not even vegetarian let alone vegan, by the time the President's plane touches down on London soil next week.”
-long sentence

I guess it’s intentional but in Chapter 4 the Scruffs are so alternative they speak without speech marks.

Thanks for reading mine, way back when.

Highly starred and I will recommend this to other friends as my shelf is already backed up.

Best of luck,

Benedict

Does what it says on the can! Loved it :)

Another gem from you, Juliet. I loved Crumbling Country but I love this wacky, clever tale even more. So much political and social commentary disguised among the comedy. It is very English, totally daft but so entertaining. I have no idea where it's going but I shall be back to follow its journey. Six stars without a second thought.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Juliet Blaxland, I look forward to reading your book, I love the idea you have of using a fox for comedic display as a plot line for your book. :) I can't wait to delve right in. :)

Spot on and quite the dashing dandy amongst a plethora of hooded vampires and drab excuses for literature.

Richard

Refreshingly original idea and very funny
I love the PM's opening speech in which he says absolutely nothing about what he is actually going to do - hilarious. The general political and social comment in this work is brilliantly done and hugely funny.
I'm having to resist filling up the comments box with my favourite lines so I'll limit them to a few
'TwitTwoo and other, lesser, social chain-mail systems.'
'Like a nervous toddler at a clown heavy tea party.'
Most of the dialogue of the SCRUFFS especially 'Poke your pantones.'
The characters are mostly mad with a hint of 'The League of Gentlemen.' to them, but also alarmingly realistic.
I found the introduction of Slimy de Vile a bit heavy going, perhaps I had pun fatigue by this point. I think cutting some of the more long-winded humorous sections would sharpen the humour overall. But that is just my opinion and others may well feel differently.
Best of luck with this. I'll pop it on my shelf
Kirstie
The Girl who ran with the Wolves

Very interesting. Not my normal read, but very entertaining. Backed!

Com Lit Review.

Ok. Honestly, no idea at all. I think part of my problem is that this is just completely nuts in a Yes Minister meets Paul Merton with a side order of Dame Edna kinda way.

I think the structure is as it is because this is filmic fiction, but I confess I have no idea what that is. I'm assuming that it is the basis for a screenplay or similar. This being the case, and proceeding on those grounds I think that the general tone succeeds in painting a picture of London in the grip of Fox-a-geddon (I can do it too!) but I felt that because of this and the style I lost an idea of the overall theme. Still, I got the sense this is what you were aiming for and that in the final medium this would not be an issue. Still, I really like the idea and think that this could be a really enjoyable 'traditional' novel.

I liked the clever wordplay but found myself wanting to see a bit more of a different type of humour or wit coming through, because of the consistency of tone and style I think that the effect of the humour was slightly lost whereas if a few more levels were added then this would strengthen the linguistic gymnastics.

All in all, enjoyable, unpredictable and insane. Therefore entertaining and with substantial potential, in my fairly worthless opinion. Some shinies and smiles thusly delivered.

At the end of chapter five now, but I'm a bit confused. It's still very witty, but a lot of the humour seems geared towards the written word, which seems at odds with "Filmic Fiction."

Also, some missing quotation marks are causing me a bit of discomfort spotting the changes of speaker.

Some of my favorites portions:
"Along the loins of long pork" (Chapter 3) [providing that's not a typo!]
"Poke your Pantones" (Chapter 4)
The concept of "The Todhunter Giggles" (Chapter 5) [great characterisation]

But I confess to not understanding the paragraph about "From The Prime Minister, to the P.M., ..." in Chapter 5. It doesn't seem to fit with either the preceding or following sections. What's it got to do with him treating his wife like a clerk?

Minor wrinkles aside, I'm still enjoying it hugely.

Just started reading this. So far, it's vulpinely great! Full of wit, in all senses of the word. Just what a website like 'authonomy.com' should be promoting and engendering.

From your assertion "'Filmic Fiction' [not a screenplay]," perhaps you perceive this as being best presented in some medium other than print. Which would be perfect: it was difficult for me to read at times, as I tend to close my eyes when I groan and grimace. As at least one of the other comments points out, it would also work very well as a segment in a fast-paced comedy radio show, thereby obviating the need for expensive fox actors (Michael J, James, Edward, Laurence, Amelia, et al).

I'm just off to read more...

This is hyper funny. 'Is your wife a goer?', 'snake that's eaten a pug' - I just had to laugh as I read. Although I have almost no idea about what's going on in the UK government, it's enjoyable.

What can I say about this? A challenging read on many levels. I have great admiration for your extraordinary ability to master wordplay and your weirdly over-the-top, unique style. However, I found it, if I'm honest (and I hope you appreciate honesty) hard-going. I lost the plot, literally, on numerous occasions, amongst the wit, comic moments and cleverness of your writing. My head was spinning by the time I had read four chapters. You are a gifted writer. I only wish I was on the same wavelength to truly appreciate how gifted you are.
All the best
Julia
Shadow Jumper

ComLit review
Fox Pop London
I read everything you posted, Julliet. 
This is something very unique and random. I love it, or I love parts of it, at least. There is such a joyous giggling fondness for play of words, that it makes me salute with  real admiration.  I really appreciate your audacity.
And I know where you are coming from. 
This is also one of the most unique books I have ever read. The concept of Filmic Fiction (though, let's admit it, a lovely bit of BS) is quite original in a "why not" kind of way. This is experimental fiction, and is more interesting because it is comic experimental fiction. 
So, my issue, is that I think you may have  overdone it just a wee a bit (and I should know). This is truly a book of excess, a book that looks over its shoulder and says "just try and stop me", a book that swims naked in a piranha infested river and smokes in a petrol station. A book that insults powerful mafia patrons and just walks out of the room, the boss too stunned to say anything. In other words, it is a book that will have its own way and no one will stop it. 
In all this excess, the plot is rather lost, at least for me. I mean, it is there, but buried deep in the fantastic word play.  Sometimes tedious word play and sometimes gratuitous word play, but mostly really fun word play. I found myself at the end of various chapters saying "what the hell did I just read?"
Yes, the plot is there, and I may be able to pass (just barely) an open book pop quiz on the storyline and the identity of the primary characters who seeped into my subconscious, and perhaps be able to identify some overarching plot themes and the use of foreshadowing.  But the plot is hidden so deep underneath wordplay that it is actually challenging to get it out, and so it is, in a sense, a difficult book.
But it is so very much its own thing that I would not fault you for saying "no, that's the way it's going to stay."  But you say you want crit. So here is my crit:
More.
No, not more alliterations and puns and witticisms. More plot. 
The thing is, this text is extremely entertaining icing, but I feel that it needs a cake to be smeared onto. 
So, how would I do this? I would basically stretch out almost every chapter with just a few dull sentences. It is like the lime sorbet in the middle of those 20 course meals at a Michelin star restaurant, or ginger at a sushi place or sniffing coffee beans while visiting a Lush soap store.  But just give me a wee bit to sink my teeth into.
I don't think that it makes sense to divide this critique into segments like character development and hook and plot. The hook is really the language and the random absurdity of the situation. This works well, and kept me reading. The plot, again, teeters on the edge of consciousness. Character development, in spite of villainous entrepreneurs and gifted vets (who look all of 16) is tenuous. But all this is alright, because the book is so special.
I will put this on my shelf in an upcoming shuffle. I laughed out loud several times and will post my favourite moments separately. 
Five happy faces.
Best of luck with it,
Maeve

Oh yes! This is most enjoyable - a fun read that is well put together. It's been good to chill out for a while with this today and I look forward to returning to read more of it. Bravo!

Lilian.

Love the comedy and parody played out in this story. So far I have only read four chapters due to time constraint but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Reminded me of a screen play or one of the sitcoms played out of radios back in the 50's. The characters are truly "characters" with a little to say about anything and nothing at all. Definitely a plus all the way around.