Fellwater

Hi Brendan,

Just dropping by as we agreed to swap reads a while back and I've finally managed to take a look at the first couple of chapters.

For a start I found them well written with no obvious typos. There were a couple of phrases that seemed a little out of sorts, the use of the term "housecoats" didn't seem to fit with the young adult characters and when she called Eric "beautiful" this struck me as an unusual way to describe a young man, unless it was meant sarcastically? I couldn't tell. Overall though it was well written, engaging, and easy to read.

Content wise I would have liked something to give me a clue where this was heading in addition to the pitch. Maybe a brief prologue or something that to take this beyond the romantic theme of the first two chapters. It just seemed like a romance / chick lit novel which was surprising when the pitch was all secret societies, gunmen, and strange visions.

I also found Katie to be quite deep fit a 20 year old but I suppose some young people are, just not the ones I know.

Overall a promising start but a surprising one given your pitch. I hope this comment is useful, and I'm no expert on these things, but even if I've just given you a different perspective to consider I hope it helps.

Best wishes,

James

I think you do a good job bringing your characters across but I feel there is a lot lying under or beneath the surface.
I find no problem with that as I feel a little mystery only adds to the work. I think the intrigue is with figuring it out. A work doesn't necessarily need to take the reader by the hand and guide them through it. High stars and on my W/L
Shirley Grace

I read all 11 chapters that you have uploaded so far. While I do rather like it, I do have a few qualms, i suppose. The fist being the beginning of chapter two. The wording is off and it seems a little disjointed. Also. when Katie went to Eric's apartment and they got into that fight... it doesn't seem believable. Why is she so angry? Why is it so important to her for Eric to say he's in love with her or they're soul mates after just six months together? If you could elaborate on the scene a little, it may cast some of those questions aside. The next thing I questioned was for the few few chapters, it tended to remind me of the Vampire Diaries. I just got this vibe from it. While I can't say if it's a good thing or a bad thing, that's what I took from it. When she confronts Carlo at his house, the way she reacts to him doesn't seem believable. Why isn't she more cautious? It seemed that she was somewhat calculated when following him there, and while at the age of 20, there are bound to be emotion based decisions, there's something off about it. I don't understand how she is so calm and collected and touching him and all of that. Anyway, I did enjoy the book nonetheless and I rather like it. I'll keep it on my WL.

I read the first three Chapters of your novel and will read more once I have caught up with my other reading obligations.
Nice job on the blending of different places and times. (from the dance floor to the bonfire).
Some of your phrasing is also nicely done (the window blinds cast an oppressive shadow on her). I noticed some typos and a few grammatical errors but all in all an enjoyable read.
Best of luck;
Elke
'Ella In Between'

Destiny, past lives, philosophy; all of the elements that intrigue me, a pleasure to read and to back.

I rated as six stars.
Linda
Threads of Time

I like the title FellWater but I am yet to make connection with the story. I read chapter one.

I like your character, (freckled) Katie. She amused me. Human CCTV or Secret Agent describe her well. She stood on her balcony capturing everyone without them knowing. She must have been bored. But she shouldn't because her boyfriend Eric was inside the apartment where she were. I'm jealous over Eric. No one told me that I'm beautiful before. Actually, I would find it weird if a woman describe me as beautiful. Handsome will do

Katie appeared to have a high libido/testosterone. She couldn't wait till Eric got out the shower before she was all over him.

I wonder what after the shower......

interesting and intriguing story
i'll be back for more

I enjoyed the eleven chapters presented. Though I personally am not familiar with the setting, the writing style was sufficient to make me feel comfortable in the time and place presented. I will put this on my "I would like to read this someday" list. I do feel the author is more adept at the male voice than the female.