Book Jacket

 

rank 5919
word count 11044
date submitted 01.05.2012
date updated 01.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Romance, Young Adult
classification: moderate
complete

Changed

Danielle Nimmo

Ruby hasn't always been like this. She wants to get help but doesn't know who to turn to.

 

Ruby hasn't always been like this. She wants to get help but doesn't know who to turn to. Her mum knows what she is capable of doing but doesn't know how to help. Ruby has always coped by talking to her best friend Nyomi but one day it all got to much. who will she confide in and who will she tell her secret to, her new love?

 
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7 comments

 

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patio wrote 586 days ago

An explosive, gripping opening chapter. The MC hurt herself then ended up in the hospital. Her mom visited her but she stopped her from questioning her about what had happened to her. So no surprise when she got out and her mom didn't ask how she was feeling.

One criticism, your dialogue " Thanks nurse Sarah". You may want to review it to make it read more real. I doubt anyone would use all three words but two. "Thanks Sarah" or "Thanks nurse"

High stars but still reading..

patio wrote 588 days ago

I W/L Changed. I will dive in asap

Shelby Z. wrote 603 days ago

Changed by Danielle Nimmo
This story starts off with a grim opener full of pain and heartbreak. It pulled me in.
Ruby is a real deep character with a great show of emotion. You created her very well.
A few times thing seemed to jump around in a fast way but that did keep the story going. Though drawing it out would have been better for your first chapter. Your book needs so edit polish.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Lenny Banks wrote 610 days ago

Hi Danni, I read chapter 4. Yuk, Yuk, Yuk. I hate loved up mushy stories, but I torture myself on this site. This is a very well writen, crafted piece of work, you appear to be describing real experiences and fantasizing it up a little. I would suggest your dialogue could be developed, your characters 'give in' too easy; how many dads let their daughters go out with the greased up boy racer so easily, and girls usually play with the boys before they say yes, teasing them and checking with friends and all that. This is your creative piece so dont just listen to me..
I noted a couple of nit-piks, hope you are not offended, sometimes we dont see them ourself:
'...Okay. We'll have fun...' I think there is an apostrophy there you dont need.
'...its transformers today...' Should this have a capital T?
'...'Just a little, Why?' I Answered...' Capital A should be lower case.
I hope he didn't drive to the' restraint', I hope you meant 'restaraunt'
You use numbers too much, try writing the words and seeing if it reads better, its a personal choice but especially with time and dates numbers to me look ugly.
Everything said, I think this is a wonderful piece of writing, even if its not my usual genre, Well Done.

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock

Wussyboy wrote 687 days ago

Blimey, Danni, are you really only fifteen? This is a surprisingly mature and readable piece of work, I whizzed through five chapters without even thinking about it. Okay, the grammar and punctuation needs tidying up (could you get someone to do that for you, or you could gmail me a page or two over and I could have a go?) but I could see the young teen crowd gobbling this up - Ruby's rise from scissor-wielding suicide attemptee to cool-kid-with-even-cooler-boyfriend-with-ultra-cool-car is a tale really well told, and I'm more than happy to give it 5 golden stars.

Joe Kovacs
Ginger the Buddha Cat

Karamak wrote 721 days ago

Hi Danni, still couldn't open chapter 1 but I think that's me! I read up to chapter 5 and loved it, it's fresh honest and beautifully written, you have a talent and flair. This would really appeal to teenage girls (and there mums) It took me straight back to my awful school days. Love the closet looked like it had exploded! With best wishes to you and congratulations, Karen Bates, Faking it in France.

Atieno wrote 721 days ago

Now Now, isnt this a good start. I love it. Really do!
Chapter one is a ghost chapter.lol Remove it! It kills the seriousness of your beautiful writing. I found puncuation lacking in some places. The little nitpiks in chapter one. Here we go!
Chapter one- more mean THEN her- THAN.
Mr. Hinde would be correct.
Defiantly? suppose you wanted to right definately?
Up ducted- abducted
I have had enough of of this crap OFF you_ FROM
Why can;t you leave me alon ang GOT-get on with your wone LIVE-LIVES
The pain I GEt FROM school is too much. This is THE only way to letting go of all my pain.
I hope I have been helpful.
Nice work I can tell building from a glimps of attempted suicide!
Great work. Just tighten the spots that why you are at authonomy for positive critisism. Will read on.
Josphine

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