Book Jacket

 

rank 5877
word count 11044
date submitted 01.05.2012
date updated 01.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Romance, Young Adult
classification: moderate
complete

Changed

Danielle Nimmo

Ruby hasn't always been like this. She wants to get help but doesn't know who to turn to.

 

Ruby hasn't always been like this. She wants to get help but doesn't know who to turn to. Her mum knows what she is capable of doing but doesn't know how to help. Ruby has always coped by talking to her best friend Nyomi but one day it all got to much. who will she confide in and who will she tell her secret to, her new love?

 
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chapter 1

"Help! Someone come quickly" Squealed Emma from where I was laying in the kitchen.

I could only just make out what she shouted. Everything was a blur, the ringing in my ears was getting louder and the darkness was fading in faster. I could smell the metallic of my blood; it was probably staining the white tiles by now. I must of fell to the freezing, hard stained floor as the cold stung the bare of my back just under my vest top.

"What the hell happened?" Shirked Leanne

"I don't know I just came in and she was lying like this" As Emma said this her voice broke and tears ran down her face.

"Well don't just stand there, ring the ambulance!!" Demanded Leanne.

Emma rushed off to go ring the ambulance. Still I could hardly see your hear anything. My mum was above me shaking me but I couldn't respond. All I could do was lay there. I was soon going to pass out. I could only just make out my mums shape all it was a fading blur. The voices were now silent and the darkness was drawing in. My leg had become numb, well for a matter of fact I couldn't feel anything. I knew the ambulance would be here soon. But I was scared it would be too late. Oh I wasn't scared that could die, I was scared for my mum and sister, I don't know how they would cope.

I woke up to see a blue and white striped curtain around me, the floor looked wood but soft, the bed I was laid in wasn't that comfy. I heard people talking behind the curtain I wasn't sure who they were though...

"How is she?" ...That voice I recognised.

"Her stats are looking up. You should be able to go see her now"

"Thanks nurse Sarah" Ah nurse! I'm in hospital.

Slowly the curtain opened and I was face to face with my mum. I wasn't sure what to say, what to do to be honest I wasn't sure whether to smile or not. My mum looked happy to see me but I knew there was something she wanted to ask so badly. Everyone will be asking the same question and I will be giving the same answer.

"How you feeling Hun?"

"I'm fine mum thanks. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine just been worried sick about you."

"I know mum. I'm sorry."

"What you sorry for?"

"Doesn't matter"

"Yeah it does tell me. I'm your mother you can tell me."

"I did it to myself OKAY!! Don't ask why. Don't ask anything else okay."

"But-"

"Don't. I said no more questions."

"Okay."

My mum and I chatted for a bit after that. I had been in here for a month now and would probably be out next week if things go okay. The nurse said I had hit a main artery and that I’m lucky to be alive. I hope I am lucky to be alive.

I'm looking forward to getting out of here. The food is terrible, the other kids are complaining all the time, the nurses are always gossiping and if you try to talk to them they just ignore you. The place smells like it hasn't been cleaned in a while and I haven't seen any cleaners either. This hospital must be the worst rated.

I had been in hospital for about 2 months. I'm finally leaving.

It’s my first day back at school after about 2 and half months. My mum hasn't stopped asking me if I’m alright since I came home. Now it’s time for me to suck it up and go back to school. I have been putting this day of for ages. School is the main reason why I did what I did. I'm not popular but sometimes I wish I was just so they wouldn't say out. My best friend Naomi knows how hard it is for me at school. All the nasty and unfair comments of the popular people. I'm sure they love making my life hell.

*Ding Dong* I ran towards the door. I opened it and flung myself at Naomi. It’s been so long since I have seen her. We are going to have a mega check up on the way to school. She was looking like she normally did. Perfect. Her long blond hair shaped her face perfectly, her size 6 skinny jeans and her pink and white tank top made her look like a goddess. I wish I looked like instead of my size 10 skinny jeans. My Brown hair was straight as it normally was, it didn't look shinny just looked plain old dull.

"So how’s school been without me?"

"Boring. People have been saying stuff about you."

"Oh, what they been saying? The normal stuff?"

"No not really. Liz spreaded round that you decided to commit suicide because you couldn't deal with it anymore. People changed the story though and said that you did it because you were scared of telling people you're a lesbian." Naomi laughed at the last bit.

"Oh. Okay."

"You okay Ruby?"

"Yeah I'm fine don’t worry about it."

We were walking up the school drive now. Nothing seems to have changed. The trees next to the road were still there, the road still had holes in. The car exhaust's spat out the fumes as they went past making me and Naomi cough. We were nearly at school and I wasn't looking forward to the comments. I wondered what everyone would be like when they saw me walk in with Naomi.

As we walked in our form room I could hear people whispering about me, things like "What’s she doing here?" "Isn't she meant to be dead?" some people were even sad enough to throw stuff at me. How childish. Naomi lost her cool when something hit her by accident she screamed how childish they were and can’t they just get over themselves. She does make me laugh sometimes.

 

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patio wrote 279 days ago

An explosive, gripping opening chapter. The MC hurt herself then ended up in the hospital. Her mom visited her but she stopped her from questioning her about what had happened to her. So no surprise when she got out and her mom didn't ask how she was feeling.

One criticism, your dialogue " Thanks nurse Sarah". You may want to review it to make it read more real. I doubt anyone would use all three words but two. "Thanks Sarah" or "Thanks nurse"

High stars but still reading..

patio wrote 280 days ago

I W/L Changed. I will dive in asap

Shelby Z. wrote 295 days ago

Changed by Danielle Nimmo
This story starts off with a grim opener full of pain and heartbreak. It pulled me in.
Ruby is a real deep character with a great show of emotion. You created her very well.
A few times thing seemed to jump around in a fast way but that did keep the story going. Though drawing it out would have been better for your first chapter. Your book needs so edit polish.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Lenny Banks wrote 303 days ago

Hi Danni, I read chapter 4. Yuk, Yuk, Yuk. I hate loved up mushy stories, but I torture myself on this site. This is a very well writen, crafted piece of work, you appear to be describing real experiences and fantasizing it up a little. I would suggest your dialogue could be developed, your characters 'give in' too easy; how many dads let their daughters go out with the greased up boy racer so easily, and girls usually play with the boys before they say yes, teasing them and checking with friends and all that. This is your creative piece so dont just listen to me..
I noted a couple of nit-piks, hope you are not offended, sometimes we dont see them ourself:
'...Okay. We'll have fun...' I think there is an apostrophy there you dont need.
'...its transformers today...' Should this have a capital T?
'...'Just a little, Why?' I Answered...' Capital A should be lower case.
I hope he didn't drive to the' restraint', I hope you meant 'restaraunt'
You use numbers too much, try writing the words and seeing if it reads better, its a personal choice but especially with time and dates numbers to me look ugly.
Everything said, I think this is a wonderful piece of writing, even if its not my usual genre, Well Done.

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock

Wussyboy wrote 379 days ago

Blimey, Danni, are you really only fifteen? This is a surprisingly mature and readable piece of work, I whizzed through five chapters without even thinking about it. Okay, the grammar and punctuation needs tidying up (could you get someone to do that for you, or you could gmail me a page or two over and I could have a go?) but I could see the young teen crowd gobbling this up - Ruby's rise from scissor-wielding suicide attemptee to cool-kid-with-even-cooler-boyfriend-with-ultra-cool-car is a tale really well told, and I'm more than happy to give it 5 golden stars.

Joe Kovacs
Ginger the Buddha Cat

Karamak wrote 413 days ago

Hi Danni, still couldn't open chapter 1 but I think that's me! I read up to chapter 5 and loved it, it's fresh honest and beautifully written, you have a talent and flair. This would really appeal to teenage girls (and there mums) It took me straight back to my awful school days. Love the closet looked like it had exploded! With best wishes to you and congratulations, Karen Bates, Faking it in France.

Atieno wrote 413 days ago

Now Now, isnt this a good start. I love it. Really do!
Chapter one is a ghost chapter.lol Remove it! It kills the seriousness of your beautiful writing. I found puncuation lacking in some places. The little nitpiks in chapter one. Here we go!
Chapter one- more mean THEN her- THAN.
Mr. Hinde would be correct.
Defiantly? suppose you wanted to right definately?
Up ducted- abducted
I have had enough of of this crap OFF you_ FROM
Why can;t you leave me alon ang GOT-get on with your wone LIVE-LIVES
The pain I GEt FROM school is too much. This is THE only way to letting go of all my pain.
I hope I have been helpful.
Nice work I can tell building from a glimps of attempted suicide!
Great work. Just tighten the spots that why you are at authonomy for positive critisism. Will read on.
Josphine

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