Ill Fate

I was engrossed at a few points in your story, but at other points it felt as if you were rushing to get to a cerain point. Take your time when you go back and look at your work to make certain you've carried the reader with you every step of the way instead of dropping them in certain points, pulling them out and then dropping them in again.
--emarie
Jackson Jacob Henry Brown, III

I think this is splendid, really an engrossing read that draws the reader in. You've got a good adventure with good characterizations. If you care for some critiquing, I have some suggestions. (If you don't want them STOP READING NOW!)
1. I would switch to a more readable font. Italics are good for SHORT prologues at best, but they are hard to read for long periods of time. There are actual studies done on this. Go for something standard and you'll be more readable.
2. Chapter 1 reads like perhaps it's a prologue. If that's the case I would label it "prologue", rather than count on italics. But partly that's because I hate italics!
3. spelling error: you wrote "bare any children." I'm sure you meant "bear any children."
4. I would end chapter 1 at "Nanuk was gone." the words following that didn't seem helpful, and even undermined the strength of the paragraph.
5. The opening landscape description felt a little awkward to me. I'd start at "Natalie had never..."
I'd also break that sentence into two. Something like "Natalie had never been out hunting so late. She had almost turned back, but she spotted a man in the woods, and there was something about him that..."

Okay, that's enough of me tinkering with your creation. Please take my thoughts as just my opinions and toss them if you don't like them. I think this is a good story worth polishing up. Best of luck!
Tod
I noticed you like children's literature, and I am hoping you'll take a look at my novel, The Lost Wink.
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

This is an interesting new slant on the vampire, werewolf story. It's an original idea to have them being attacked. Introducing the longed for pup which then goes missing does get the reader on their side. I wasn't quite sure how old Skye is. If she's driving she's over eighteen is she? Are you aiming at the young adult market here?
Good hook at the end of ch. 2, that would definitely intrigue the reader. Lots of stars from me.

Ill Fate
Monzella Smith

So, as promised here are my thoughts on the first chapter:
chapter 1

'Where he stood was now a black as oil, shimmering void with glowing orbs suspended...' (Where he had stood, was now a shimmering void, black as oil, with glowing orbs in the place of his eyes.
When he ripped out her heart, it says: 'Blackness slowly consumed Natalie.' Would she die slowly once her heart is ripped out?
IMO once you move on to Sadie and family, I feel this should be a new chapter as this is not just a change of scene, but changes from a vampire situation to a werewolf situation.
'She shook her head yes...' (She nodded her head yes)
'Thomas jumped a little startled and said...' (Thomas gave a startled jump and said...)
'...he began circling the area where him and his son were playing.' (...the area where they had been playing.)
'The odd evil odor and evil presence he had felt...' (You had used odor in the pevious sentence and might benefit from using an alternative such as smell. The repetition of evil also feels a bit clunky and may be better with a synonym such as 'dark' or 'malicious')

Your opening chapter has many hooks and the story is developing nicely. Your writing has good descriptive quality to it. Characterisation is strong and you also develop the feel of the relationships between them well.
This has great promise!

All the best
Tania Johansson
Book of Remembrance