Book Jacket

 

rank 77
word count 27287
date submitted 03.05.2012
date updated 19.05.2013
genres: Non-fiction, History, Biography, Po...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Killing Paradise

Andrew Esposito

Amidst storms, shipwrecks and the destruction of rainforests, two 19th century collectors race to capture rare birds in Hawai'i before impending extinction.

 

Killing Paradise tracks the expeditions of two bird collectors, Henry Palmer and George Munro, in late 19th century Hawai'i.

The journey of the collectors is funded by the fabulously wealthy Walter Rothschild, a man obsessed with acquiring every type of bird on the planet.

In Part I, Palmer and Munro endure the perils of stormy seas, treacherous reefs and a shark-hunting Captain en route to Laysan Island, a paradise of millions of seabirds and a tantalising lure of several species unknown to science.

Palmer follows the scant journals of famous naturalists as he seeks to rediscover birds unseen for decades. He soon becomes fixated with the fabulous Mamo, a bird whose yellow feathers has adorned the cloaks and capes of Hawaiian Kings and Queens for centuries.

The competition is rife as the wily Walter Rothschild battles other museums while his collectors desperately acquire a share of the lost birds before extinction beats them all.

Killing Paradise is a true story based on the lives of real people and rare birds in a world of last chances soon to be lost forever.

 
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auk, birds, bishop, cambridge, cook, damien, darwin, dodo, dole, endangered, evolution, extinction, hawaii, honolulu, kaalokai, kauai, laysan, mamo, m...

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Tornbridge wrote 9 days ago

Killing Paradise
by Andrew Esposito

Like only a handful of history books on this site, the research is enriched and rewarded with evocative prose and modestly played dialog. Andrew should be commended for his depth and confidence.

Using Cook’s death and his treatment after is a great way to set tone and stakes and also root the period firmly in the reader’s mind.

By chapter 2, everything cracks along nicely. Quite sad the death of the little birds. The interaction of Palmer and Munro is great.

I can honestly say that I feel I know a lot more about Cook and also birds such as Moho nobolis & the Mamo. Exceptionally detailed research and for that alone I raise a glass and toast to you. (clink).

All the best with this. High stars from me.

Comments via a message.

Tornbridge
The Washington Adventure

Laura Bailey wrote 19 days ago

Andrew,

I thoroughly enjoyed your book and enough to back it! It wouldn't ordinarily grab me as something of interest so I am thrilled that we decided to do a read swap...I will think again in future! Your idea is original and your book is very well written. Your use of language and your descriptions are wonderful and you never over tell, which I think would be very easy to do in the genre. Your voice is not at all what I was expecting from the prologue...it is better!!

Wonderful book, very well written...high stars and shelf time!

Good luck...I suspect we'll see you on ED very soon!

Best wishes,
Laura
Beneath the Blossom Tree / Vengeful Love

Sheena Macleod wrote 20 days ago

HF Review
Killing Paradise by Andrew Espisito
I am so glad that I found this book. It is extremely well researched and narrated.

HMS Discovery is moored not far from my home. How lovely to see it brought alive in print.
I have only read the prologue and first chapter and will post full comments after reading more. I am particularly interested in the style of writing of historical-based narrative. This is an excellent example of narrative non-fiction.
High stars from me and I will read more
Backed
Sheena
The popish Plot

KathrynW wrote 28 days ago

Thanks for commenting on my book, I appreciate it. I thought I would have a look at yours in return and was immediately intrigued at the concept and read the Prologue and Chapter 1. It makes a very pleasant change to read something truly original rather than the churned out thrillers and romances that are so prevelant on authonomy. The idea is brilliant. Historical fiction only really works well if the period and the characters are chosen with care, and this cuts across so many themes - obviously ornithology and navigation, but also Empire, the rise of science, the whole gentleman's adventure genre and the pursuit of wealth and knowledge. I live near Tring and have visited the Zoological Museum several times, so it was particularly interesting to put this into context.

Your writing style is succinct, well paced, and places the reader immediately into the story, without too much preamble. The characterisation is strong and the dialogue realistic. I imagine you have done a lot of research on the era because it's very easy to suspend disbelief and enter the world of lamb chop side burns, schooners and maps. I've given you high stars and put you on my watchlist.

Kathryn Weller
Highway Code

Kathryn Weller
Highway Code

Chris 1 wrote 55 days ago

Read the first three chapters and, already, I'm quite drawn to this book. The first chapter, including the scene-setting prologue - is nothing short of marvelous. The historic death of Captain Cook and the massacre of tthe Marines, the victorious mocking of the young Hawaiians 'slapping their rumps' mocking the British on their ship really brought that iconic scene alive. (I'd first encountered Cook's death in those old 'Ladybird' books at primary school and it brought all that back).

Then a hundred years or so on and Britain is at its imperial height where , it seems, everything is a commodity, the earth is being raped for its value, which I guess is the general theme of the book. They all know the price of everything but the value of nothing, all for the god of profit, meanwhile, the planet is well on the road to hell in a hand cart.

Excellent idea for a book, and told really well. BACKED.

Su Dan wrote 8 days ago

good flowing narrative, and dialogue that adds to full effect , making this a very good book...
backed...
read SEASONS...

Tornbridge wrote 9 days ago

Killing Paradise
by Andrew Esposito

Like only a handful of history books on this site, the research is enriched and rewarded with evocative prose and modestly played dialog. Andrew should be commended for his depth and confidence.

Using Cook’s death and his treatment after is a great way to set tone and stakes and also root the period firmly in the reader’s mind.

By chapter 2, everything cracks along nicely. Quite sad the death of the little birds. The interaction of Palmer and Munro is great.

I can honestly say that I feel I know a lot more about Cook and also birds such as Moho nobolis & the Mamo. Exceptionally detailed research and for that alone I raise a glass and toast to you. (clink).

All the best with this. High stars from me.

Comments via a message.

Tornbridge
The Washington Adventure

Sneaky Long wrote 10 days ago

"Killing Paradise" by Andrew Esposito

Hi Andrew,

Let me say you have a very polished book. The writing is almost flawless. Only found two small nit-pics in the first three chapters. For birdwatcher enthusiasts this could very well become a must read. You have put a lot of history into the story as well as information about the birds native to Hawaii. It takes place in the late nineteenth century, a hundred years or so after Cook was killed on the shores of Hawaii. (A fact I was unaware of.) I can see how this book would be very popular among the bird-watching community.

Alas, I am not a follower or watcher. Therefore, I am not qualified to comment on your story or your presentation. However, I have given this high stars for your writing. I can imagine you have untold hours of research invested as it reads almost like an historic account.

Best of luck with this.

Sneaky Long
"Trophy Wives"


Nit-pics - Chapter 2 you wrote "...deck of schooner." Perhaps instead "...deck of "the" schooner." Chapter 3 you wrote "...founded more on luck that skill." Perhaps instead "...founded more on luck "than" skill."

Jim Riley wrote 14 days ago

You asked me to focus on "…the Prologue versus Chapter 1 on Killing Paradise." I'm not sure if you meant I should contrast them so I'll just give you my first impressions. I'm not sure I like the line in the prologue, "Western history had been written…" nor why "the petty left was inevitable." Other than that the Prologue provides good background in an interesting and economical way. Chapter One is well-crafted and in keeping with the genre and, to my ear, complements the tenor of the Prologue.

Sheena Macleod wrote 18 days ago

Andrew, read through chapter two- I am continuing to enjoy this tale. I am reading through slowly, as I am focussing on the content and your narrative style. (I was devasted that the two Crakes were strangled.)
This is so well researched - it is a pleasure to read.

Some typos
When (the) Palmer and Munro remove the
? ; gifted (with ) for ease of reading
Relook at wording of - Palmer, with his wide brimmed hat scrunched in his hands, paced around the deck of schooner suggest ?
Untangle,“ Munnro said, wrinkling his nose - has this jumped down a line ??
Sheena

carol jefferies wrote 18 days ago

Hi Andrew,

I enjoyed reading the prologue and the first two chapters of your book 'Killing Paradise.' (Great title too.)

I enjoy historical fiction and sometimes feel it is not always given enough credit on this site.

The start was intriguing with Captain Cooke and his crew being attacked by the natives of Hawai'i. I had no idea that Cooke was murdered.

The characters are well described, especially Walter Rothschild. I must admit I was a bit confused who was going to turn out to be the central characters for a bit.

You have an excellent eye for detail, and your research is impeccable.

The dialogue is more than enough to keep the reader entertained.

I did miss having no female characters, but what can you expect on board ship.

I look forward to reading more and high stars from me.

Well done,

Carol Jefferies
(The Witch of Fleet Street)

Laura Bailey wrote 19 days ago

Andrew,

I thoroughly enjoyed your book and enough to back it! It wouldn't ordinarily grab me as something of interest so I am thrilled that we decided to do a read swap...I will think again in future! Your idea is original and your book is very well written. Your use of language and your descriptions are wonderful and you never over tell, which I think would be very easy to do in the genre. Your voice is not at all what I was expecting from the prologue...it is better!!

Wonderful book, very well written...high stars and shelf time!

Good luck...I suspect we'll see you on ED very soon!

Best wishes,
Laura
Beneath the Blossom Tree / Vengeful Love

Sheena Macleod wrote 20 days ago

HF Review
Killing Paradise by Andrew Espisito
I am so glad that I found this book. It is extremely well researched and narrated.

HMS Discovery is moored not far from my home. How lovely to see it brought alive in print.
I have only read the prologue and first chapter and will post full comments after reading more. I am particularly interested in the style of writing of historical-based narrative. This is an excellent example of narrative non-fiction.
High stars from me and I will read more
Backed
Sheena
The popish Plot

AlexandraMahanaim wrote 26 days ago

Killing Paradise

Your prologue was very educational—since childhood I have recited a poem (in Russian) where natives have eaten Captain Cooke, so I always thought it was the case. It goes like this: “Хотели кока а сьели Кука, как получилось молчит наука...”

Nice visual: “The North Western chain of islands trickled up through The Pacific Ocean into Asia, a thin trail of named dots like the winding tail of the Milky Way.”

I read two chapters and found a few little things that should be looked into:
Chapter 1:
In paragraph starting with “Munro glimpsed Walker’s watery…” needs a period at the end.
In paragraph starting with “The Kaalokai at your service…” you use dash instead of em-dash to connect sentences. ‘late last year – the jewel in the crown’ should be ‘late last year—the jewel in the crown’ same goes for the other occasions that I’ve seen…
In paragraph starting with “We are now into May, the weather is still with us[,] Mr. Pulmer…”

Just a suggestion: when I was self publishing through Infinity Publishing, they recommended paragraphs to be justified, it is an easier read this way.

Thank you for sharing your story,
Alexandra Mahanaim
Return to Eternity
Love story—symbolic approach to creation

KathrynW wrote 28 days ago

Thanks for commenting on my book, I appreciate it. I thought I would have a look at yours in return and was immediately intrigued at the concept and read the Prologue and Chapter 1. It makes a very pleasant change to read something truly original rather than the churned out thrillers and romances that are so prevelant on authonomy. The idea is brilliant. Historical fiction only really works well if the period and the characters are chosen with care, and this cuts across so many themes - obviously ornithology and navigation, but also Empire, the rise of science, the whole gentleman's adventure genre and the pursuit of wealth and knowledge. I live near Tring and have visited the Zoological Museum several times, so it was particularly interesting to put this into context.

Your writing style is succinct, well paced, and places the reader immediately into the story, without too much preamble. The characterisation is strong and the dialogue realistic. I imagine you have done a lot of research on the era because it's very easy to suspend disbelief and enter the world of lamb chop side burns, schooners and maps. I've given you high stars and put you on my watchlist.

Kathryn Weller
Highway Code

Kathryn Weller
Highway Code

Mary Jane Fahy wrote 29 days ago

Hello, Andrew.
I very much enjoyed your opening chapter, and have W/L to read further. I smiled at the natives' bum-slapping at the British crew; quite stomach-churning, too, the way Cook was killed. I learnt about him at school, but not the gory details. Delicious. I should think that the Regency and Victorian demand for gloriously feathered hats and accessories didn't help the cause of those poor birds of paradise much, do you?

Your writing is accomplished, easy to follow, not too wordy. The dialogue, what I've read, is excellent. Well done, Andrew. W/L and max stars.
Jane x

Biblesleuth wrote 39 days ago

Killing Paradise is a historical novel exploring—at least secondarily—the environmental arrogance of western man and the destruction of habitat and species in the Pacific islands during the late 19th century. It is full of historical details and is very well researched, a fact that had me wishing to know more biographical details of its modern author than are provided in his profile. I was captivated by the preface describing the demise of Capt. Cook at the hands of the Hawaiian natives, and was pleased to see the historical accuracy of the author's account upon my own reading of the Capt. Cook article in Wikipedia. The author also does a fine job of transplanting us back in time and painting for us a rich landscape in which to dwell. I think this is good work on a very "timely" subject, that is, the beginnings of the era when man was reaching out to explore and scientifically catalogue the entire world, and thereby exercising his dominion—for better or for worse—over it.
Andrew, I enjoyed your work immensely and consider it to have great potential, but I do think that it needs further editing to catch some typos, some of which I will list below. I would also like to, for your consideration, make a couple of stylistic suggestions, and I will begin with these: 1.) I notice that you use two spaces between sentences. In the days of typewriters this was the accepted norm, but with computers—and for a host of reasons—modern editors now want you to use only one space. For a slew of articles and the overwhelming opinion on this topic, simply Google "one space or two." 2.) I found some of your paragraphs to be too short, creating a choppy, disjointed feel to your narrative. I think that you may benefit by asking yourself if two or more paragraphs should sometimes be combined into one. An example of this would be the last four paragraphs of chapter one, with perhaps the last two paragraphs being joined by a comma to make a single sentence. Typo notations: 1) Prologue: the opening single quotation marks throughout all face the wrong way; I think you will want to correct these as editors expect perfection and the fix can easily be done. Either that or change these "testimonials" or "journal entries" (it is not clear which) by Samwell into the double quotation marks that you have for dialogue in the rest of the book. 2.) Prologue paragraph 22 has a straight form apostrophe in "Captain Cook's" where in the next paragraph and elsewhere it is in the curved, Times New Roman form. 3.) Chapter 2: the late revelations of Palmer's physical stature took me somewhat by surprise, as I had pictured him as kind of wimpy and not "barrel-chested with blue tattoos." You may want to suggest his physical size more toward his introduction in the prologue or chapter one. 4.) This sentence I think has structural errors: "Mr. Roskill, lifted the cage up, exposed the birds." I would delete both the commas and simply say, "Mr. Roskill lifted the cage up and exposed the birds." I realize that I use a lot of commas in my own work as part of a strategy to get the reader to slow down and think, but in a novel I think the presentation should always be fast, smooth, and flowing. I hope these suggestions are of some help and I wish the best of luck to you and to your work.
Eric Anderson
The Second Symbol: Understanding Bible Symbolism and the Parables of Jesus

Lucy Middlemass wrote 47 days ago

Killing Paradise

This is a return review

Nice couple of pitches. If I’m reading historical fiction, then evolution, Darwin and dodos are exactly where I want to be. I’ve read the first couple of chapters.

This is told relatively simply, with little time wasted on description - and the editing seems pretty flawless. There’s clearly a great deal of research gone into it. I’ve commented in detail below, with the intention of being helpful.

Prologue

I like the quotations from eyewitnesses as part as the narrative. It’s cleverly done.
There’s a slight feeling of removal from this action and drama, possibly caused by knowing right from the start that it happened a week earlier. Although there is horror and violence, it lacks immediacy and peril. This is deliberate but for an opening it’s a bold choice. I understand that if the same story were told as though it was happening, the eyewitness accounts wouldn’t work. I’m not sure what purpose the timeline serves apart from allowing that.
Very minor, but you have “rowboats” and “row-boats”.
“Beyond Hawai’i and the death of Captain Cook…” I like this. “Beyond” as distance and time together is nice.

I’d prefer to see Henry Palmer referred to as either Palmer or Henry, not interchangeably. It makes him sound like two men.
“entangled between myth and reality” is lovely.
This section also doesn’t contain much real-time action. It’s quite abstract, even though it contains characters’ thoughts.

Chapter One

“Mr Palmer’s eyes narrowed…” is far more concrete. This is where the story starts. Characters with dialogue in a scene happening now. I’m not sure what the function of the Prologue is, to an extent.
Sailor’s hands as a reference is a nice image.
There’s a bit of point of view switching between Palmer and Walker - we see Walker’s approach through Palmer’s eyes but know what Walker is thinking shortly afterwards. This may or may not matter to you.
“I’ve got to ebb with the money…” is one of the bits of dialogue I liked.
The discussion about the expense of the trip and its viability is quite long. The pace is slow - perhaps not a problem in itself but as the chapter continued I found myself wishing they’d get on with it.
“The arrival of the Rothschild…” This doesn’t seem to be from a character’s point of view and interrupts the narrative. For me, it’s awkwardly placed.
“such practises” possibly ought to be “such practices.”
“the sun already hot on their backs.” is a nice detail.
“would dictate a trim” and “would dictate Palmer’s life…” are too similarly phrased to be so close together. Again, in this section I’m not sure what the pov is. No one there could know what the following years would hold. Even in the third person, an interruption from an unseen narrator like this is disorientating.
There’s a good cliff-hanger type ending to this chapter. There’s a question the reader would like answered.

Chapter Two

“birthed only by grunts and snorts.” is another bit of wonderful description.
“Cook’s third voyage…” begins a short section from no particular point of view. There are more, “It had been over 150 years since…” and “Here lay the spark of immortality…” All of these would be better coming from a character somehow, although obviously not in laborious dialogue.
“Logistics can be the mother of cruelty.” says it all. Great line.

Bits of this are great - the dispatch of the birds and some of the dialogue especially. It takes a while to get started but that’s a style choice, I guess. I’m not sure what’s typical for historical fiction and mostly you’ve avoided too much scene setting which I think is always going to be a risk. Good luck with it, I’ll star it highly.

Lucy

mikegilli wrote 52 days ago

Hi there Andrew. I enjoyed looking through your excellent book.. On my shelf.
I see you have lots of positive comments already. ...a couple of observations then :
What a pity authonomy doesn't stretch to allowing illustrations of these amazing birds!
As you start with a flashback why not end with a flash-forward, eg, to to some modern
birders in the Pacific on an island about to be flooded by climate change.,,
If you're still editing, I would add a dramatic ending.... Palmer's conversion?
Congrats again and best luck.. mike gilli (The Free)

Chris 1 wrote 55 days ago

Read the first three chapters and, already, I'm quite drawn to this book. The first chapter, including the scene-setting prologue - is nothing short of marvelous. The historic death of Captain Cook and the massacre of tthe Marines, the victorious mocking of the young Hawaiians 'slapping their rumps' mocking the British on their ship really brought that iconic scene alive. (I'd first encountered Cook's death in those old 'Ladybird' books at primary school and it brought all that back).

Then a hundred years or so on and Britain is at its imperial height where , it seems, everything is a commodity, the earth is being raped for its value, which I guess is the general theme of the book. They all know the price of everything but the value of nothing, all for the god of profit, meanwhile, the planet is well on the road to hell in a hand cart.

Excellent idea for a book, and told really well. BACKED.

DCHedlin wrote 59 days ago

Your writing is a breath of fresh air. By coincidence I am reading Darwin's Journal. Your narrative is straight forward, mature, engaging. The rich detail is in perspective and proportion. Everything works. I was entertained the entire time.

Rather than offer generic critique - it would be very helpful if Authonomy offered an in-line system of critiquing - I'd appreciate if you suggested any particular thing at any part of your manuscript that you want read, anything you want thought about. It doesn't do much good to have the same parts receive the same critique dozens of times over.

David Hedlin
Moon's Wallow

Laura Dzubay wrote 60 days ago

Hi Andrew,

I've just started reading the first couple of chapters, and so far I think this looks like an all-around well-written book. Your premise is unique and full of potential for all kinds of action and intrigue, and I really like your writing style: good, definitive descriptions, and dialogue that flows well and isn't hard to differentiate or to comprehend. I liked how you detailed the relationships between Walker, Palmer, and Munro in the first chapter, especially the tension that arose when Walker told them how much money he expected to be paid. There were only a couple of parts that confused me a little, and of course these were both very minor:

"My name is George Munro..." -I thought it was a little odd that Walker didn't introduce himself in return. To me, his next sentence didn't really feel like it corresponded with Munro's introduction.

"shook their heads in agreement" -This was a little weird for me to envision. Nodding indicates agreement, and shaking one's head usually indicates disagreement. The "shaking heads in agreement" didn't make a lot of sense to me when I tried to picture it.

My only real comment other than that is that your writing style in the prologue was different from in the actual chapters. Events were broken up into very brief paragraphs, and the writing didn't seem quite as smooth or descriptive. To me it seemed like you were just telling the reader what happened and I only started really feeling connected with the book when you got into the first chapter. There are lots of different ways you could try to change this, or of course you could just keep it as it is. It's just something I noticed as a reader.

Other than that, I think this is looking very good so far! High stars, and best of luck with this.

Laura
Life According to the Dead

Brian Bandell wrote 60 days ago

Your writing style is good. The dialog works and the plot is easy to understand. I can tell you're setting up an adventure and there's already some tension between the characters.

The thing I feel is missing: Why should the reader want him to succeed at bird collecting? What's at stake here? I'd like to have more of an emotional connection to the goal of the story.

Nice writing. I'll back it.

Brian Bandell
Mute / Famous After Death

sherit wrote 71 days ago

Hello Andrew. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to visit your book. I was buried under return reads and did my best to get to them in order. First of all, let me say, you are slightly intimidating. Lordy, you've read more books (going by your list with your bio) than I've contemplated reading in a lifetime. As for your book, I've only read the first chapter because it's nearly midnight here in Atlanta, GA. I have to admit, I don't think your pitch makes your book seem as interesting as it is (again, I say this after only one chapter). I read the pitch, and to be honest, thought "oh no...this sounds kind of boring." I was presently surprised when I read that your writing was strong and reminded me of Erik Larsen (have you read "Devil in the White City"?). He is such and excellent writing so skilled at taking true stories and factual information and weaving them into a narrative that reads like good fiction. Although, I don't recall him actually ever using dialogue, come to think of it. I think your challenge here will to keep things interesting as Munro and Palmer go around essentially doing the same thing for the whole of the book; gathering birds. I look forward to returning to read more when my eyelids aren't quite so heavy.
All the best,
Sheri Emery / Crazy Quilt

Lara wrote 87 days ago

So nice to read something different. I am working my way through the chapters but no hesitation in backing meanwhile.
Lara
A RELATIVE INVASION

Andy M. Potter wrote 94 days ago

hi Andrew, enticing opening. starred and shelved.

i have a few very minor ideas that may strike a chord. if not, please ignore.

there are a few spots in the prologue where you use quotes to set off words. i take it they are part of passages from a primary text. e.g.:

'thick as hail'

'dashed their heads ...'

they seeem a little out of place in your fiction. would it work to paraphrase with your own fine prose instead of quote?

"Henry Palmer glanced ..." - maybe just Palmer?

best wishes, andy





Cherry G. wrote 103 days ago

Prologue and Chapters 1-2.
The ecological interest makes your book very topical and the difficulty and urgency of Palmer and Monroe's challenge is captivating. You've clearly done a lot of research, which helps to make your story feel credible and realistic. I believed in Palmer, Monroe and Captain Walker. The initial description of Walker was particularly vivid and powerful...I could see him straightaway.
I have just a few minor queries.
I think sometimes you use capital letters when they aren't needed.
In Prologue: "...beat them with Clubs and stones." Clubs should be clubs.
"...Officers and crew" Officers should be officers.
"Captain's quarters" should be Captain's quarters.
In Chapter 2 the words Naturalists, Crakes and Charlatans, do not need capital letters.
Also, in Chapter One, in the paragraph beginning "Palmer had already discovered..." "add hoc" should be "ad hoc".
I think your writing style is very effective and enjoyable to read. However, I was wondering if some of the description you give of Monroe in chapter two could be moved to chapter one? This is because I had a good picture of Palmer and Walker in chapter one, but had to wait until chapter two to know about Monroe!This might just be me and is only a small point.
Would Palmer say "shite"? I'm not sure, but it struck me as quite modern.
Hope my comments help.

Thank you for such an interesting read in a compelling and well-researched book. High star rating.
Cherry
The Girl from Ithaca




Jimmy Wearne wrote 105 days ago

Hi Andrew - Was very interested to read the first two chapters of your book - I loved the pace and I could see the colours of the cloak described. My only advice - would be to vary the paragraph length. You have more one sentence paragraphs than I have seen in a while and many could be combined into one paragraph. this then would make any that you do not change, stand out and have more impact. Readers also look for contrast to keep their interest. At the moment the prologue reads a bit like bullet points. However - it is fantastically interesting and well written. Highly starred and you are going on my bookshelf.
Cheers Jimmy - Silence of Lightning

Kevin Bergeron wrote 119 days ago

Upon reading the first four chapters, I'm seeing Palmer as a man who keeps his feelings hidden. He is not a very likable character, but he has his reasons. He came up the hard way, and perhaps could not afford the luxury of showing any vulnerabilities. Munro seems to understand him, and it seems to me that Palmer needs Munro to moderate Palmer's intensity, and also to communicate with others in a diplomatic way. I don't know yet how their relationship will develop, whether they'll become close friends or enemies, or something else. But I think that an emphasis on these two characters and their relationship is probably essential for the the story to rise to its fullest potential.

This story is well researched and appears to be historically authentic. The rivalry between the wealthy patrons as they fund expeditions to capture and kill the rare birds before they become extinct, is a sad chapter in history, and the Hawaiian kings were also guilty. It seems that everyone wants "a feather in his cap."

What I liked the most was the characters and their interplay. I enjoyed reading about the crew members, particularly Anders, who seems to have a short fuse, and Sam with his "goddamn." I'm a sucker for that kind of thing, want to know what's going on inside the minds of the characters, want to see things described as through their own eyes.




Etienne Hanratty wrote 121 days ago

This is a wonderful choice of subject matter and very well written. Your characters are strongly drawn and the setting evoked well. I haven't really got any major suggestions though I suppose I found the use of inverted commas in the prologue (I presume these were used to indicate the use of material from another source) a little distracting. Generally, though, this is very well done.

Charles Knightley wrote 126 days ago

Killing Paradise

An entertaining period story. The start, set a century before the main story begins, is excellent (and gruesome).

Your characters are good and the story runs along at a good pace. The dialogue sounds authentic!

I love your paragraph about immortality: Here lay the spark of immortality that many Naturalists sought. The surname inclusion within a species name was a unique right for a person to exist into perpetuity, perhaps beyond the species itself.

Highly starred.

I think there is a typo in chapter 1: "Walter Rothschild, a former student of Newtown, had elected to fund his own expedition." Presumably "Newtown" should be "Newton".

Charles Knightley
The Secret of Netley Abbey

Kate LaRue wrote 133 days ago

Return Read-Killing Paradise

Andrew,
This is an intriguing piece of historical fiction, with a plethora of familiar names. Well-written and engrossing.

My one crit of this first chapter is that it is very dialogue-driven, without much of a sense of setting until the Walker leaves Palmer and Munro, and we finally get a sense of place at the harbor with the different vessels all around. Perhaps this could be woven in a bit sooner, to ground the dialogue and the speakers into the scene a bit more. Also, at times it is hard to determine who is speaking. I am a fan of sparse dialogue tags, but some sort of movement or reaction of the speaker every now and then would make the dialogue a bit easier to follow.

Hope this is helpful, and best wishes with this piece.
Kate

stearn37 wrote 133 days ago

Hi
This is very nicely writen and real pager turner.
I have given full stars and put the book on my watch list and will back it once i have room on my shelf.
From
John Stearn
Author of Derilium

Kit Fox wrote 157 days ago

Hi Andrew,

This is right up my street (as we say in London!). Well researched, well crafted and intelligently written. Very best of luck with it.


Kit Fox.

Jaclyn Aurore wrote 159 days ago

This is not my normal read, but I thought I'd give it a whirl, since it's getting such rave reviews :)
If you like bird books, check out this fiction
http://authonomy.com/books/47795/the-merlin-falcon/

Ok, back to my comment on your book, sorry... got side-tracked
After reading your prologue, i truly believed i was reading a non-fiction... you tell your tale so well

the end of chapter2 made me laugh as well... "chase your birdies" - this is how i speak as well...

Good luck on your climb to the top!
Jaclyn x
It Never Happened

Jackie McLean wrote 160 days ago

This is a fascinating book, well written. Your attention to detail is wonderful, both with the history and the nature. It's a joy to read a book with such a well researched foundation. I'm a keen birdwatcher, so the topic grabbed me right away. High stars and on my watchlist.

Jackie
Toxic

Andrea Taylor wrote 168 days ago

Oh, this is good. Brilliant into. Excellent writing style, which brings the scenes ot life in a easy, seemingly effortless way. Good dialogue and all in all, highly starred and on my watch list.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

Brian G Chambers wrote 170 days ago

Andrwe
You have given me a new insight to history. I must admit that I didn't have much interest in Cook until I strted to read your intro. It is a good place to start the setting of your book. I like that you have done a lot of research for your book getting the facts right makes it a more interesting read. I think this will suit bird watchers and historians alike.
Good job done well.
Brian.

LCF Quartet wrote 187 days ago

Hi Andrew,
I just finished reading the first two chapters to have an overall feel of your novel. My first impressions are quite positive and your prologue is very well-written.
The beginning of your book has a dynamic ambiance which hooks in the reader immediately. The ecological premise, the core concept behind the book and your writing style certainly delivers.
I also liked the way you introduced your MCs, (it's like they're already living), and the dialogue scenes are believable. I also think that the balance between description and conversation is in a good shape.
Killing Paradise is an interesting read, especially for the genre's enthusiasts.
High stars,
Best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints


gingerknucklehairs wrote 201 days ago

You have written a very interesting prologue that was informative and morish.
I haven't read anything on here like this and the originality kept me reading, while the story telling kept me hooked.
I'm not concerned about your writing skill, that speaks for itself, but I don't like the font that you use; it is very hard to read it smoothly. Also the split paragraphs contributed to the distraction from the story. If you press the tab key twice at the beginning of a paragraph, it will show up as an indent on this site. I really believe that if it was easier to read that you'll get more attention and people will stick with it longer.
I've high starred it and if it had have been complete I would have took the time to read it all. It's one that I would thoroughly enjoy. I'll keep it on my watch list for now and will back it in the near future when you need it most.
Take care, Jes.

Stark Silvercoin wrote 205 days ago

It’s not easy to combine literary and historical fiction in a way that’s both pleasing and commercially viable, but Killing Paradise may be a rare exception.

Packed with amazing detail, author Andrew Esposito not only takes us on a journey to capture some of the rarest birds in the world, but shows us the historical reasons behind why the world is the way it is today. I learned a lot about Hawaii and about birds, though this was secondary to my enjoyment at following the storyline here.

One thing that helps a lot is that it’s clear that Esposito did a ton of research before the story ever started. Too many writers try to pen historical fiction without first becoming an expert in the field, or the area, they are writing about. That is not the case here. The author literally is able to make the landscape come alive, and that does not happen by accident.

I enjoyed Killing Paradise and its message, and I’m sure others will as well. I predict that it will receive both critical acclaim and commercial success once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Steven Stucky wrote 213 days ago

This is one of only a few complete books that I've seen on this site. Every chapter includes a few words describing the contents and the punctuation appears without flaws. Your descriptions are vivid and I haven't read something that was such a departure from common knowledge since reading 'Views afoot' by Bayard Taylor. I rated this book as outstanding and put it on my bookshelf because I can see the work poured into its writing from beginning to end. You have quite an accomplishment being shared here. - Steven

AFMckeating wrote 222 days ago

Hi Andrew. I read you prologue and first three chapters. You seem to have done a lot of background research on this and it shows. I liked the prologue but was a bit thrown by the sudden leap forward in time after that. Overall, this is an unusual, fresh story and I hope it does well. Alison

AF McKeating
The Accidental Career of Hilary Darke

celticwriter wrote 222 days ago

Hey Andrew, happily rebacking.

jim

Lenny Banks wrote 225 days ago

Hi Andrew, I took a look at chapter 4, thanks for taking a look at my book, sorry I was so long returning the read. I really enjoyed reading this, I was drawn in by the pitch and wasn't disappointed when I started reading the book. It was like watching a documentary on the Discovery chanel, you describe the scene and settings very well, and it feels like you are on the boat with the explorers. I think you have put a lot of time into the research and it will pay you back with a very successful book. Not sure it's a valid nit pik, but might need investigation- I am not sure Able Seamen requires capitalisation, I know its a job title, but I am not sure. Good Luck High Stars from me,

Kind Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock

celticwriter wrote 228 days ago

Hi Andrew, will take you of my shelf for a few days, but ye shall be back up.

jim

HGridley wrote 259 days ago

Hi! I have time tonight for only the preface, but I look forward to a chance to read more. The story is immediately interesting, and your writing is very colorful and fast-paced. I have only a few grammtical/structural "nits" to pick at:
“The Hawaiians believed Cook…” If you’re sticking with the older Hawai’i with the apostrophe, spell it the same throughout.
“Cook’s limb bones; his skull…” the punctuation in this sentence should match. Thus, it should be a comma after “bones” instead of a semicolon. Toward the end of the sentence, which portion of his body was “slashed and salted for preservation”? By the sentence structure, it appears that it’s his skull, his scalp, and his hands. If you don’t mean this, you should change it. Here’s a sample rewrite, according to what I think you might have meant: “Scattered before them were Cook’s limb bones, his scalp with the hair clipped short, his skull, and his severed hands, the flesh of which were slashed and salted for preservation.” Any time you have a sequence of three or more items, there should be a comma before the and, unless you’re a newspaper or magazine with no space to spare. A sentence like this is a prime example of how the comma can be quite necessary.
“Captain Clarke, already maligned by tuberculosis”: How has tuberculosis smeared his good reputation? I think you meant to use a synonym for “ill”.
“By journeys end”: needs an apostrophe: journey’s.
“Artefacts”: should be spelled “artifacts”
“Stock that had been plucked from obscurity”: was the stock he came from plucked, or was he? If it’s just him you intend, say “who”.
“Henry had embarked”: I think you can dispense with the “had”.
This should be a very successful story. Thank you so much for commenting on my story "Carolina and Hubert"; I'm so far behind on reads that I can't scout for books this delightful on my own right now. :)
~Hannah ("Rosalia"/ "Carolina and Hubert")

Terry Murphy wrote 268 days ago

Hi Andrew,

Very occasionally on this site I come across a book I wouldn't go near if I saw it in a bookshop, but once I started reading I found it engrossing and fascinating.

I've always been interested in Cook's death so the prologue of this book was a natural winner for me. But given the dryness of the pitch [which we have discussed offline] I was apprehensive about how the main story would kick-in. But when the dramatised HF began in ch1, I was surprised and delighted by the writing and the story itself. Good pace, lovely phrasing that evokes the time period, three dimensional characters, sharp and authentic-sounding dialogue and above all a compelling story-line.

In terms of con crit I tend to agree with most of the points made by Mike Lee but only in the context of improving something that is already brilliantly executed. Of the points he made, I think creating that dramatic tension around the competing interests and building the aura of Rothschild are the most important. This goes to the heart of the story and is the angle that needs to drive the short and long pitch.

In that context, it reminds me a little of 'Around the World in 80 days' or 'Monte Carlo or Bust' - in my view, it is that aspect [a race against time, the elements and nefarious forces] that you need to base the pitch on.

Overall I think this book has really got something special and deserves to do well, not just on Authon, but in the wider publishing context. Bravo!

Best wishes,

Terry

JMF wrote 270 days ago

A return read for Shadow Jumper. Thank you again for your comments.
I actually found this interesting, although I wasn't expecting to do so! (Sorry!) I like the detail about Captain Cook at the beginning and hope that it is based on historical fact because I like the idea of learning something new as I read. I'm impressed by your knowledge of the subject matter and although this is not a book I would normally pick up to read, I'm glad I've paid it a visit. As others may have mentioned not only is your knowledge impressive but your characters and dialogue are too. Really well done.
Highly starred and I wish you well with this.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

S.L.P. wrote 271 days ago

Andrew, this is not normally a book I would read. Cook's death in the Prologue, although very gruesome, was tightly written and an excellent intro to the journey of the bird collectors. Captain Walker is a strong, determined character and I was heartened to find Palmer had some compassionate ways in the storm scene in Chapter 4. The descriptions of the birds flowed well - not over-done, with good imagery. I felt that your writing captures historic Hawaii and the story wording has a simple, precise flow. There is no doubt that you have undertaken a lot of research. Weaving facts into the dialogue has worked well. It could have been a very dry read without the constant chatter between the characters. My favourite character is Elizabeth Freeth on Laysan Island. I guess it is the nature of the journey, but I would have liked to have found her before Chapter 13. It's a wonderful storyline to have a strong willed woman in the middle of man's world of guano mining! Killing Paradise is a very rewarding novel. I've backed it to my bookshelf and given it a high rating. Cheers, Sarah

ShannonGibson wrote 275 days ago

Certainly an interesting read on a very unique topic. I hope to continue reading at some point. Also, kudos to you for keeping something so factual captivating!

Shannon

G.W. 2012 wrote 280 days ago

Prologue, when speaking of Henry Palmer, you use the word being, I think it would sound better if you used the word had (been) plucked form obscurity...
Overall I'd say that you are gifted as a writer. Normally I would never read anything like this, I'm more of a YA fiction kinda girl myself (tehe) but I found myself captivated, despite the initial gore and your ability to weave words together is splendid.
I haven't made it far, just the prologue as I said, but will be back for more. Highly starred, best wishes, G.W.

Nigel Fields wrote 283 days ago

Andrew,
Creating a story around this topic is a brilliant choice and you deliver it well. I like that you include the foundational account of Cook’s demise. There are many exceptional phrasings, one of which, as an example of what I enjoyed was: maligned by tuberculosis. I appreciate well-crafted verbs.
Tension catapults this novel: tension created by Rothchild, the competition, the conditions and the relations and characters. Great descriptions: of Rothchild, old Honolulu, just about anything you ‘touch’ turns to gold.
All appears to be very well researched. I enjoyed my read of these early chapters and am interested in reading the rest.
One constructive Nit:
In authonomy’s chapter three, we begin in Munro’s POV and yet you include what I think might be a violation of the perspective--when he says of the Mills collection: “We’ve got a spare day to see it,” Munro said, HIS EYES SPARKLING. Since we’re in his mind, perhaps you could say: with a lift to his voice.
Here is a fine work of historical fiction that is very relevant in our day and age. I have rated Killing Paradise highly; and I hope to read and comment on another installment at some point.
Best,
John B. Campbell (A Lark Ascending)

Abby Vandiver wrote 283 days ago

Andrew, I thought your book exceptional well-written and interesting. I didn't understand the inclusion of Captain Cook except for maybe the opening of how we got the the Hawaiian Islands. Nonetheless is was very interesting and I thouroughly enjoyed it.

The writing, including the descriptions and dialoge flowed easily and kept my interest even there was no conflict afoot. I think you did an excellent jog. My only thing is the chapter set up, but I presume it would be different in a book. The # indicated a switch in the story but I guess wouldn't be on the same page? I hope you include maps and pictures?

I'm giving you six stars and will put you on my shelf.

Abby

RMAWriteNow wrote 285 days ago

Hi Andrew; here for the return read as promised.
I have enjoyed all that I have so far read of your story. Your knowledge of the subject matter is evident from the start and your enthusiasm for it shines through in your writing. This is one of those books, that in my opinion, is not only a good read but interesting to boot. It is a fine balance but I think yo u pull it off. The prologue was concise and imparted all the information required, which then in turn gave us what we needed to enjoy and understand the following text.
You introduce a variety of characters to the reader from the off who all are well merited and well written. As others have mentioned, your dialogue is good but it was the feel for the topic that I found the books greatest strength. I wish I could help with insights to make this better, but I feel it is as close to perfect as it can be already.
Well starred and exceptionally well done.
RMA
The Snow Lily

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